Online Dating: Swiping Right Or Left?

[JTMacc99]

1 hour ago, ZaldamoWilder said:

If grammar is still one of your leading criteria, he's not the one.

Ha! 

@aradia22, you are reminding me of the SR71 lyric 

Figured her out and while she 
May not be Miss Right she'll do right now

I think we all feel that way sometimes, I know I have. Fortunately, the feeling passes. 

[emma675]

Quote

If grammar is still one of your leading criteria, he's not the one.

Grammar or punctuation.

I've put my OKC profile on hold (or inactive or whatever they call it) for now. I created it a few months ago and then my job from hell literally took over every waking moment of my life, so I barely have time for my dog let alone a dating life right now. I didn't want to leave it active when I barely even check it right now; I thought that might tick some guys off never getting a response (yeesh, I can guilt myself over a dating profile now).

[aradia22]

So... I might have a date on Friday? Not a 'woo, I'm so excited based on our stimulating conversation' date but a 'let's see what happens in person, not expecting much' date. I'll keep you posted. 

[aradia22]

Another great self-summary, though not as good as the "not a cuck" guy. That one will be hard to top.

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Only women age 18-28 if you are older and you look young i can consider it :)

Not sure where the "self" comes in, aside from shallowness.

[Lantern7]

Still poking around OKC without paying for it. Met a few people, but no dates yet.

I have to ask a question, and I apologize for the timing . . . is it wrong that I'm passing up mothers? It's just that I can't see myself as a father, let alone a stepfather. Mothers aren't as big a dealbreaker for me as smokers, but the idea of kids is intimidating . . . especially since I don't really "adult" that much. Or well. As evidenced by my using "adult" as a verb.

[theredhead77]

38 minutes ago, Lantern7 said:

Still poking around OKC without paying for it. Met a few people, but no dates yet.

I have to ask a question, and I apologize for the timing . . . is it wrong that I'm passing up mothers? It's just that I can't see myself as a father, let alone a stepfather. Mothers aren't as big a dealbreaker for me as smokers, but the idea of kids is intimidating . . . especially since I don't really "adult" that much. Or well. As evidenced by my using "adult" as a verb.

If you don't want kids or step kids you need to pass up mother's and women who clearly state they want kids. 

[JTMacc99]

7 hours ago, Lantern7 said:

Still poking around OKC without paying for it. Met a few people, but no dates yet.

I have to ask a question, and I apologize for the timing . . . is it wrong that I'm passing up mothers? It's just that I can't see myself as a father, let alone a stepfather. Mothers aren't as big a dealbreaker for me as smokers, but the idea of kids is intimidating . . . especially since I don't really "adult" that much. Or well. As evidenced by my using "adult" as a verb.

It's 100% okay that you are passing on mothers. If you're going to be uncomfortable in that situation, then you certainly don't want to put yourself and another person in that situation. 

When I do this stuff, I like to entertain myself by thinking about how big of a van I'm going to need when I tally up all of the kids between me and the other person. Are we going to make enough money to afford Alice the housekeeper?  

[DeLurker]

8 hours ago, Lantern7 said:

. is it wrong that I'm passing up mothers?

If the purpose is to meet/date some interesting people and not necessarily to find the One on an urgent basis, I say be open to it (I'm assuming their profile doesn't scream marriage minded only).  If the profile looks like someone you think would be interested in chatting with or meeting for a meal, send them a message to begin a dialogue.  My friends who were on Match and the like were very cautious about their children - no one got any real detail about the kids until they felt they had a good sense of the person.

If the question about how you feel about kids comes up early, just say something like "I haven't completely made the transition into adulthood yet so can I get back to you on that?". 

I think opening up to Moms might give you more opportunity to engage and get comfortable with what sounds to be a new approach to dating for you.  I don't think it will hurt anything to give it a try.  If after a few contacts you decide it is not for you, check it off your list.

[JTMacc99]

And.... I will backtrack on my response a bit for the very good reasons @DeLurker just threw out there.

Give yourself more opportunities to explore at this point. 

I should have thought of this based on a conversation I had yesterday. An old friend invited me to his home on Saturday for a small BBQ he's hosting. It's mostly his girlfriend's friends, so it would be a lot of people I don't know, but I want to go and hang out with them for sure. I told him that the only way I might not come is if my cute brain surgeon friend wants to hang out with me at the same time, because no offense, but that's a better offer. 

He says to me, "Bring her! Lisa and I will talk you up."  I told him that wasn't necessary, I think she already digs me. First response was, "Only a fool wouldn't."  Then he tacks on, "And come to think of it, I think Lisa wants to try and set you up with someone, and she could possibly be in play Saturday, so maybe not."  

Hee! I mean, I'm kind of cool with the path I'm on right now, but I'm going to allow it. At the very least I get to practice meeting somebody new. Which I think is the same idea for you @Lantern7, keep options open and let yourself practice this stuff whenever you can. 

Edited May 12, 2017 by JTMacc99

[aradia22]

FML... this date I just got back from. Let's call him Mr. Big Spender. 

I spent 5 hours with Mr. BS counting the 1 hour 50 minutes we spent watching a play. Honestly, if we hadn't gotten tickets, I would not have hung around that long. So he works as a gym teacher up in Harlem. We talked about that a lot. Our original plan was to meet a few hours before the show to try and get rush tickets. They were out but for $10 more they sold us partial view seats that ended up being pretty great. He was very casual about paying for it. We'd planned to have dinner but we didn't know the area very well. We walked a few blocks and eventually he picked a bar/restaurant which wouldn't have been my first choice but the food was pretty good. Here's where we run into trouble. I wasn't that attracted to him at first but, you know, he was fine. Points for actually being 5'5 like he said he was. But he showed up to our theater date in a baggy Yankees pullover hoodie sweatshirt. With a backpack. So... you know, not the most effort. And he had appalling table manners and he said he wasn't sick but he blew his nose and snuffled and was generally a little gross. But, you know, I sucked it up because he paid for the tickets. We talked during the meal and I learned that the things we have in common are being Chinese, dead grandmothers, and liking singing. That's basically it. Lots of silences when I wasn't prompting the conversation. Lots of dull answers on his part. And yet he still managed to talk over me and ignore the thing I just said like he hadn't heard it(a Mr. Makeout trait). Giving him the benefit of the doubt that the bar was a little loud (it wasn't really, but was getting a little more crowded when we left) I suggested we go. I was taking out money to cover my half of the check but he refused to let me pay. Which made me feel a little guilty because I already knew this was not going anywhere. But I was determined to still be a pleasant companion. So because we'd met so early and finished our meal quickly we still had 2 hours to an hour and a half to go. The weather turned colder and windier. We would have walked around more but I couldn't take it so we popped into a few stores to wander around. All during the walk, which was relatively quiet and in those stores he continued to do the whole ignoring me thing. It worked my last nerve. I excused myself to the restroom a few times during the meal and once at the theater because I just could not. The show was lovely. Not as romantic as I'd hoped, but neither was the date. So I made the poor decision of asking him about his commute so he knew what train I took and he was going the same direction but further than me. This is relevant because he decided to take the train I was taking instead of his train (he could taken either) and then at the platform before the train arrived, he asked for my number. And I had to be honest and tell him I didn't see this going anywhere because we didn't have that much in common. Which is true but underplaying all the other stuff. But I did make an effort to ask him about books and movies and interests and his life and all of that and no, we don't have much in common. And some of the stories he told me about friends turned me off. And also he regaled me with Melissa McCarthy's Sean Spicer sketch even though I told him I'd seen it. Anyway... yeah. Then the train came and he got in through one door and I got in through another and I turned around and somehow he was right behind me again. And I thought about being immature and running over to the next car so I could read a book in peace the rest of the way home. But no, I stayed and he hovered over me the whole time regardless of where I moved when people came in. And he asked if we could still be friends. And he made some overtures. And thank God he doesn't have my number. I was pretty firm when I got off the train about thanking him for the date (which I did a number of times during the date) and wishing him the best in finding what he was looking for (not me). FML. I know he could have been worse. Like he could have been violent or insulting when I rejected him. But still... ugh. Well, at least I saw a show which is why I chose activity dates over "getting coffee" or "walking in a park" which are suggestions that have been floated out way too often lately. A bad date will still be a bad date but I might as well do something I'll enjoy if I have to endure it.

[DeLurker]

12 hours ago, aradia22 said:

FML. I know he could have been worse. Like he could have been violent or insulting when I rejected him. But still... ugh. Well, at least I saw a show which is why I chose activity dates over "getting coffee" or "walking in a park" which are suggestions that have been floated out way too often lately. A bad date will still be a bad date but I might as well do something I'll enjoy if I have to endure it.

First, because I am old - what does FML mean?  Most of the time I can figure out stuff from context, but I am at a loss here even though it will probably be something pretty obvious.

I was thinking why don't you meet for coffee on these iffy firsts, but you explained that at the end so good on you.

I have to admit, I'll be a little sorry for myself when you find a nice guy and put an end to these online dating tales.  You've got a very good writing style/voice without reducing the dates to ridicule and make wry observations.

[Moose135]

11 minutes ago, DeLurker said:

First, because I am old - what does FML mean?

F*ck My Life

http://www.fmylife.com/

[DeLurker]

I would not have guessed that one!  Thanks @Moose135!

[possibilities]

I'm a bit behind, but just wanted to weigh in on the question of what kind of initial message to send.

I do not answer anything that is generic. I would rather someone "go deep" than bland. I may or may not be typical, but I would prefer someone directly ask me what they are interested in knowing than be coy and play a lot of games.

[aradia22]

So I started talking to this guy. After I "liked" him back he sent me a long message. His profile is a little weird but his messages have been promising. We might be getting tea. I'll keep you posted. 

[aradia22]

I don't want to go into everything. Even though he put it out there, I don't think it's for me to say. But he's very honest about mental health issues and having a shy, awkward personality and a preference for Asian women. There are a boatload of things that could be red flags but he seems pleasant in messages and I'm in the mood to talk to someone who has also had some struggles. I've already felt like I could open up more to him in messages than with other guys because I don't think he would judge some of things I have to say. I'm not sure if two somewhat unstable people together is a good match but for a first date, sure, why not? I have a feeling I at least won't be having the same boring small talk. 

[aradia22]

So things continue to go well. He told me today about maybe going on a date with someone else and about someone he'd gone out with. But it wasn't weird and callous like the Not Boyfriend Material guy. It just feels like he's big into sharing. But it's almost like he's friendzoning himself? But maybe that's a good thing. Maybe we could be friends and then grow into something romantic? I don't know. I don't really subscribe to gender roles so much though if I had my way, yes, I am attracted to guys who are more traditionally masculine in looks and personality... but not bro-y or misogynistic, don't worry. It's just... yeah. This is different. But it's always my way to let things play out. Unless it's something that affects my personal safety or my level of comfort with physical intimacy, I tend to not bring too many things up. That is, I won't tell a guy what I think they're doing "wrong" because if they "correct" that behavior, I don't think of it as a genuine impulse anymore.

Edited May 17, 2017 by aradia22

[aradia22]

Update, he sent me another long message and told me way too much about his date last night. Again, this would all be fine if we were friends but I feel like he's taking himself out of the prospective romantic partner category with all the oversharing. Like, I don't need to know that you spent the night together and all these particulars. Those are the kinds of emails I send to my best friend. That's not something you should be telling someone you want to go on a date with. Right?

[theredhead77]

6 minutes ago, aradia22 said:

Update, he sent me another long message and told me way too much about his date last night. Again, this would all be fine if we were friends but I feel like he's taking himself out of the prospective romantic partner category with all the oversharing. Like, I don't need to know that you spent the night together and all these particulars. Those are the kinds of emails I send to my best friend. That's not something you should be telling someone you want to go on a date with. Right?

Next!

[aradia22]

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I don't know what you think of me right now--I hope it's good things ^^;. But I know that the more I talk to you, the more I like you :) Even though we're meeting later I'm still really excited to finally see you! I'm also a bit scared, to be honest. I'm scared of saying or doing something wrong and fucking this up... I hope you'll let me know if I ever say or do something that annoys you or makes you even a little bit uncomfortable because I really don't want to hurt you and drive you away.

I don't know. I thought this was kind of sweet at the end. I'm hoping he's just a bit of an awkward nugget. I did push the date to next Saturday because I have some other stuff to do.

[theredhead77]

He sounds clingy, needy, desperate and if he's not a complete unstable loon in person he has the potential to become that or glitter.

[aradia22]

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A lot of things go through my mind, especially recently, and sometimes I need a little help sifting out what's best to say. Sometimes I feel like there's a whirlwind in my head and I don't know what I should focus on. In times like those, I wish I had someone to help me calm down and take me to a quiet place, give me some guidance maybe. I guess what I'm saying is that I feel like I need an anchor sometimes. And lately, I've been thinking that you seem patient and level-headed enough to be that kind of anchor for me. :)

I think he sounds sweet mostly. But this was kind of my concern with finding someone who's even more unstable than I am. He also really opened up about his mental health issues (I don't feel that's for me to share). I'm not sure any of this screams stable longterm life partner but I do like talking to him. Again, he's sharing so much that I feel like I can share more than usual without judgment. I don't have to pretend I have everything together or even that I have a plan for how I'm going to get my shit together. I can also just... talk instead of trying to entertain.

[JTMacc99]

If you feel comfortable with him, that's a good thing. 

Just be guarded with it, advice from someone who has been at the mercy of mental illness. 

[DeLurker]

8 hours ago, aradia22 said:

I think he sounds sweet mostly. But this was kind of my concern with finding someone who's even more unstable than I am. He also really opened up about his mental health issues (I don't feel that's for me to share). I'm not sure any of this screams stable longterm life partner but I do like talking to him. Again, he's sharing so much that I feel like I can share more than usual without judgment. I don't have to pretend I have everything together or even that I have a plan for how I'm going to get my shit together. I can also just... talk instead of trying to entertain.

Perhaps there might be a friendship possible because of his openness about his challenges make you less guarded about your own.  I would have to consider whether, even as a friend, you would trust that anything you share with him would not be subject to oversharing.  He's been very candid with you already so would anything you told him in the expectation of confidence be kept that way?  Some people may think, perhaps realistically, that who cares if he spills a secret to some random person of the internet who does not know you?  Personally I would not be comfortable with that.  Although that might be part of my upbringing - Mom is Taiwanese and there were very clear boundaries about what were family matters and what was public.  My friends, a broad spectrum of Caucasian, African American and various Latin cultures were all very more open and comfortable about sharing things that I had been taught were family matters.

[MrSmith]

On 5/12/2017 at 9:57 PM, aradia22 said:

And he had appalling table manners and he said he wasn't sick but he blew his nose and snuffled and was generally a little gross.

First, sorry your date was so terrible. I think I'd probably end up single the rest of my life if I suddenly found myself widowed or divorced. (I come in here because you guys sometimes have interesting stories.) Anyway, about the bolded part, it could be gustatory rhinitis:

http://www.familyallergyasthmacare.com/2012/11/does-your-nose-run-like-a-faucet-when-you-eat/

[DkNNy79]

19 hours ago, aradia22 said:

 Like, I don't need to know that you spent the night together and all these particulars.

This would've put me off of him.  I'm not sure how much detail he went into.  That's really personal information for someone who a) is relatively new and b) who you might be romantically interested in.

[aradia22]

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I was so excited and happy to see your message this morning! It took all my strength to not reply right away so that I could get ready to god to school! I should be doing last minute preparations for my debate but I really I don't care about it anymore--I just want to talk to you! More importantly I'm more certain now than ever that I want to be with you!

[...] You know how sometimes when you're on a date or talking with a match you get niggling doubt in the back of your mind like, "maybe this could be better..."; or even if they seem perfectly fine you still wonder about who else you might be missing out on? I'm not thinking that at all right now :) If this really works out then I'm gonna disable my okc account, or make it invisible to other people or whatever. 'Cause you're the only person I want to talk to right now :D

[...] Recently, I've been in an even better mood because of our conversations :) Honestly, I think I'm falling in love with you. I hope that I didn't just get too serious or heavy by saying that, ahaha I just really want to say it because I want you to know that the thought of talking with you and being with you makes me smile so much! And I've got this feeling in my chest like butterflies in my stomach as I'm writing this. Do you feel the same way? I hope so. I feel like I've been waiting forever for someone like you to come along.

Maybe I'm overreacting because I have a flair for the dramatic, too, HA! I'm sure neuroscientists and psychologists can boil it all down to chemistry and dopamine, but I don't like thinking about it in that way. I like to think that our souls are reaching out to each other over however much distance is between us, and they're resonating. Ay... listen to me, I'm such a hopeless romantic! I hope that doesn't grate too much against your disposition towards science and rationality ;)

The best part of this conversation is that it assures that I don't have to be worried about having to be physically away from you for a long time. I feel like we can maintain this level of conversation and, dare I say warmth, while I'm studying in Taiwan in the fall.

[...] I know you're an atheist and probably not what people call "spiritual". But I love writing letters like this because I feel like I'm sending you a piece of my soul for you to read. And you've been doing me the honor of showing me a bit of your soul in return. You have no idea much I appreciate and cherish the messages you send me.

I'll try not to get really deep into this sort of thing on our first date, hahaha I'll try to keep it light and fun :) Just to be sure, I'll let you pick the topics of conversation for our date~

[...] I know it's maybe a little early to be asking this, but would you be willing to go to church with my family like twice a year? We could still make our relationship work if you're not. I'm just letting you know that I don't go because I'm religious, I only do it because it makes my parents happy.

Do you think it's too early for me to say that I love you? I know I can get carried away when I'm talking to you. I hope that doesn't scare you or make you uncomfortable.

[...] <3 (is this too corny?)

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. I omitted some parts. I'm not a psychologist. I don't know what I'm talking about. But my first assumption is that he's having some kind of manic episode. The entire message was 2,886 words long. He went on all these digressions about his backstory and family and that kind of stuff might feel natural in the flow of conversation but it's a little weird when someone's just spilling it out to you unprompted in one very long message. He's a sweet nugget but this fucking a lot... it's a lot. 

I have to think about how to respond.

[MrSmith]

33 minutes ago, aradia22 said:

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. I omitted some parts. I'm not a psychologist. I don't know what I'm talking about. But my first assumption is that he's having some kind of manic episode. The entire message was 2,886 words long. He went on all these digressions about his backstory and family and that kind of stuff might feel natural in the flow of conversation but it's a little weird when someone's just spilling it out to you unprompted in one very long message. He's a sweet nugget but this fucking a lot... it's a lot. 

I have to think about how to respond.

Sounds to me like he's quite infatuated with you. Seems like he reads too much into things, too, what with all the discussion of souls. I give you credit that this hasn't scared you off and that you're planning on responding. I think most people (male or female) would be changing their email address and quickly running the other way at this point. But, what do I know? I haven't had to worry about introducing myself to potential romantic partners in 21 years now.

[theredhead77]

2 hours ago, aradia22 said:

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. I omitted some parts. I'm not a psychologist. I don't know what I'm talking about. But my first assumption is that he's having some kind of manic episode. The entire message was 2,886 words long. He went on all these digressions about his backstory and family and that kind of stuff might feel natural in the flow of conversation but it's a little weird when someone's just spilling it out to you unprompted in one very long message. He's a sweet nugget but this fucking a lot... it's a lot. 

I have to think about how to respond.

 

17 hours ago, theredhead77 said:

He sounds clingy, needy, desperate and if he's not a complete unstable loon in person he has the potential to become that or glitter.

I'm quoting myself here but seriously, run away. Quickly and don't look back.

[ennui]

2 hours ago, theredhead77 said:

I'm quoting myself here but seriously, run away. Quickly and don't look back.

I agree. He's falling in love with you but you haven't met him yet?  Run!  He's not a hopeless romantic, he's unstable.

Edited May 18, 2017 by ennui

[ebk57]

3 hours ago, ennui said:

I agree. He's falling in love with you but you haven't met him yet?  Run!  He's not a hopeless romantic, he's unstable.

This is my thought.  It's fine to be open and share and all that.  But if he's "in love" with you before you've even met...don't bother to meet.  Really.  That's worrisome.

[emma675]

Holy crap, aradia22, that's a slightly terrifying email. He's falling in love with you, sending you "pieces of his soul", planning out going to church with his family a few times a year and you've never met?? Yikes. Run away, run away!

[Bastet]

9 hours ago, aradia22 said:

I have to think about how to respond.

By backing away slowly and then running like the wind when you've achieved a safe distance?

I just skim this thread as I'm next unread topic-ing my way through Everything Else, but since everything you've shared from this guy has been one increasingly big ball of crazy, I have to ask why on this earth you'd consider responding rather than just blocking (or however you stop messages though the site)?  Be glad he showed himself via message and early on so you never have to actually deal with him, and move on.

He was a big, fat no once he said he wanted you to be his anchor, or however he put it; that shouldn't be anyone's job, let alone a stranger's.  But now that he's also trading pieces of soul and proclaiming love?  Hope he finds a good therapist and the right meds, but disengage.  

[aradia22]

I don't share everything about my dates but sometimes I feel like I get told I'm being a bitch even though I have reasons for not wanting to go out with guys who otherwise seem "nice" from the details I've shared. I know he's a lot. And trust me, I'll be safe and smart about it. But I sense that he has a good heart whether or not he's right for me. When it's too much for me, I'll stop.

Quote

I hope I didn't scare you off...

I said too much again, didn't I? I'm sorry... 

Forget about that thing I said about going to church. It doesn't matter to me. Seriously.

I'm thinking too much again, aren't I?

I feel like I'm fucking this up so bad...

I feel like you get me, but maybe I'm not getting you...

[DeLurker]

@aradia22 - you seem to have something that is driving you forward to explore things with this guy despite seeing some potential red flags for yourself.  Just be careful as you get to know him a bit more.

He writes with such energy, an odd descriptor for writing I know, and openness - I get why he's oddly endearing.

[walnutqueen]

I don't usually comment in this thread, but I just gotta say:

aradia22 - YOU IN DANGER, GIRL!

[emma675]

aradia22, can I be all tough love with you for a sec (because I feel like we're a weird little online family in this thread)?

This guy is throwing up red flags right and left--not just little alarm bells, but giants klaxons of alarm. I feel like you might be giving him a little more leeway because you've mentioned being lonely lately and wanting to connect with someone (and I totally get that, believe me, it sucks to be alone sometimes!) and this guy is coming in with all of these flowery words and mentions of being in a similar lonely place. But, girl, this is just a very bad situation waiting to happen, should you continue it.

I think there is a way of letting him know gently that you want to step away and not go any further with him right now and he needs to hear it, because these notes are almost text book examples of someone who needs intensive therapy to work out some very deep issues. He's edging towards making you his reason for living and that is not something that should ever be your responsibility. I think you need to tell him you are stepping away from this for a while and he needs to not contact you further until you let him know and let things calm down before you make any decisions. I want you to be safe and also not let this guy overshadow a great guy who might be just around the corner!

Edited May 19, 2017 by emma675d

[aradia22]

Quote

Hey there. Professional male from NYC interested in some on going casual fun/dating. Looking to enjoy some indoor and outdoor fun. Not looking for something serious but looking for more than a booty call or one night stand. No face pics to avoid coworkers and clients. Happy to send if we connect.

Sometimes a dumb profile just gets you when you're in the right mood. I thought this was hilarious. OK, so you don't want to be recognized... that doesn't explain where your shirt went. XD

[Lantern7]

I am in communication with three women on OKC. I'm not bragging, and I'm thinking that the bottom might drop out at any moment, but I'm hoping I can be a source of inspiration, especially with all the complaining I do in general on these boards.

[DeLurker]

9 hours ago, aradia22 said:

Sometimes a dumb profile just gets you when you're in the right mood. I thought this was hilarious. OK, so you don't want to be recognized... that doesn't explain where your shirt went. XD

Anthony Weiner?

[ennui]

I was walking through our local strip mall last evening, and happened to pass a couple arguing. It was a hot day, she wanted to sit in the sun, he wanted to sit in the shade, so they were both sitting accordingly, yelling across the sidewalk. 

Sometimes, being single is nice.

[aradia22]

Quote

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

I'm an ethics-obsessed pedophile (i.e. primarily attracted to children age 12-) 

Well, that's a new one. 

[DeLurker]

And I hope you forward that to your local police.  

[walnutqueen]

On 5/20/2017 at 5:44 PM, aradia22 said:

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

I'm an ethics-obsessed pedophile (i.e. primarily attracted to children age 12-) 

 

On 5/20/2017 at 5:44 PM, aradia22 said:

Well, that's a new one. 

 OH HELL NO TO THE NO NOES.  

Some people need to die or rot in jail forever.

Using ethics, sex and a 12 year old in the same sentence?  Puts you at the head of my Pamela Hupp Kill if I'm Dying list.

For the love of anything precious to you, please stop.

[Jaded]

Wow. Just wow. I'd report him to the dating site too.

[aradia22]

So... I continued talking to the Sweet Nugget. He hasn't replied to me since yesterday. It's possible I scared him off with my own mental health issues. 

[JTMacc99]

39 minutes ago, aradia22 said:

So... I continued talking to the Sweet Nugget. He hasn't replied to me since yesterday. It's possible I scared him off with my own mental health issues. 

Or he's still writing. 

Wherever this one goes, I wish you well. It's nice to find a connection, regardless of how it happens. 

ETA: showed Tinder and Bumble to my married friends last night. One wanted me to cast a WIDE net. Heh. The other was with my high standards approach. 

The combination of 30 year friends, booze, and dating appps was very entertaining. 

Edited May 22, 2017 by JTMacc99

[walnutqueen]

Oh fer fuck's sake, there are fates WORSE than being alone ...

This thread proves my point.

[aradia22]

Quote

Or he's still writing. 

Wherever this one goes, I wish you well. It's nice to find a connection, regardless of how it happens. 

You were right. It took a whole day (which is weird for him... and I saw he was online) but he wrote back.

[JTMacc99]

9 hours ago, walnutqueen said:

Oh fer fuck's sake, there are fates WORSE than being alone ...

This thread proves my point.

I have a different take on it. For me, yes, there are far worse fates.

I believe it depends on the person as to which fate is worse. People can be surrounded by family and friends and still be crippled by loneliness. You don't have to look very hard to find them. I tend to be very attracted to them, whether it is to their art for the famous variety, or their company for the everyday variety. I'm in tune with that particular brand of sad.

For me, I can do alone standing on my head. But you know, sometimes I realize that it would be easier and more fun the other way.  It's funny, this morning my radio played Sarah McLaughlin's "I Will Remember You", which is my absolute favorite song by her. It's about not being afraid to find love. At some point when I was about to set off on the current path I'm traveling the damn song came on and fucked me up for half a day. Her voice singing don't let your life pass you by echoed in my head for longer than I wanted. Because that's exactly what was bothering me at the time. 

To me this thread is full of people taking chances on love. With chances come disappointments and successes. But it's still lovely to see the courage of people here. 

Edited May 22, 2017 by JTMacc99