"I Remember My Mom, She Used to Live Here" and Other Great Quotes

[OnceSane]

Post your favorite quotes from the show here!

I put one of my faves in the title. :)

[BetterButter]

Your anger is frighting the sand.

[Julia]

Apparently, the tea can be very bitter.
But the Indians believed that if your heart is pure, the bitterness will not be tasted.
Oh.
Holy shit, that's bad! Oh! My God.
Apparently, I have some purification still to do.
I will do it off camera.

[Cherpumple]

Frankie: I gained a pound this week. I think it was a pound of knowledge.

 

 (I definitely plan to use this gem in the future!)

[tom87]

Can't believe  the obvious one isn't here yet.

 

Grace: If anyone is going to sit on Ryan Gosling's face its gonna be me.

 

Robert:     “Just because we’re out now doesn’t mean we’re gonna be gay with a vengeance.”

Edited May 28, 2015 by tom87

[OnceSane]

Bud: I smell a trigger. You going to be okay?

Coyote: I'll even out by the end of the third vodka.

Bud: That's not funny yet.

[Guest]

Can't believe  the obvious one isn't here yet.

 

Grace: If anyone is going to sit on Ryan Gosling's face its gonna be me.

 

And it's funnier follow-up:  "Oh!  I think I just peed a little on Ryan Gosling."  

[Chai]

"You can radiate the hell out of me, just dont put me in the tube!" -Grace intense fear of havinh an MRI

[greekmom]

"I just got home and found Sol in our living room. He was looking for you. So I slept with him to see what all the fuss was about."  Grace

[OnceSane]

Grace: I don't know what the division of labor was in your marriage…

Frankie: Bud. Did. Most. Of. The. Cleaning.

The delivery was what sold it.

[Chaos Theory]

Season 2 quotes.  

 

Cop "You cannot drive until you get your license mam"

Frankie: "Oh come on, we're like six blocks from the guy we're stalking."

Cop: "No, No No, you shouldn't tell me that."

 

Grace:  "Its not all wrong.  Its just the house of two people who could give a fuzzy rats ass where things are supposed to go as long as they're next to each other.  Its warm.  It wasn't like this when i lived here."  

 

Sol:. "I can't talk right now.  I am stalking Robert."

Edited May 9, 2016 by Chaos Theory
Because it it "mam" not"man."

[DoubleUTeeEff]

Frankie:  "Robert and Sol told us they were lovers so I moved in here with Grace, Sol and Robert got married; now they are getting divorced because Sol was unfaithful with a woman who turned out to be me and I almost made nine. million. dollars."

Babe: "You and Grace are living together?"

[zxy556575]

Coyote's bio mother: So what kind of Christians are you?

Sol: We're Jewish.

Bio: Oh! The original ones!

[JBC344]

All hilarious, but I think my favorite from this season is:

Frankie to Bud and Coyote: "Get out, wait!  Are you hungry?  Let me fix you something, then get the hell out of my house!!!"  Most realistic parental conversation we have had on the show.

"Bud did most of the cleaning" is a close second.

[Empress1]

"He doesn't think Patton Oswalt's funny." "Fuck that noise!"

[J.D.]

Coyote wanted Bud to open the letter he received from his birth mother, and Bud didn't want to open it.  They argue back and forth then Coyote asks "What's your deal today, man?"

Bud replies, "My deal is that our father, who is a mess, is camped out at the house of our mother, and starting Monday I'll be working in an office with my now soon-to-be ex stepfather boss uncle, whose workload I've been carrying because he had a stupid heart attack."

When Bud said "....my now soon-to-be ex stepfather boss uncle....,"  that part cracked me up.

[JBC344]

3 hours ago, J.D. said:

Coyote wanted Bud to open the letter he received from his birth mother, and Bud didn't want to open it.  They argue back and forth then Coyote asks "What's your deal today, man?"

Bud replies, "My deal is that our father, who is a mess, is camped out at the house of our mother, and starting Monday I'll be working in an office with my now soon-to-be ex stepfather boss uncle, whose workload I've been carrying because he had a stupid heart attack."

When Bud said "....my now soon-to-be ex stepfather boss uncle....,"  that part cracked me up.

That was a great rant from Bud.  He really is the "rock" of this blended family.  I would love for his character to be more explored next season. I liked that the end of that scene he also said that he doesn't mind being the "stable" one. 

[Sesquipedalia]

"Are you Gladys Kravitz?" 

Bewitched reference!

[Bastet]

"That is the worst iced tea ever!  What is in there, ass?"
"Peyote.  Peyo-tea."
"I just took muscle relaxants with peyote? ... What do I do?"
"You should probably brace yourself for some light vomiting, followed by life-altering hallucinations."

[Sesquipedalia]

"I cook the way I paint, with intense sexual rage."

[Duke2801]

“Why would you yell at a Golden Retriever? They’re like living hugs!”

Edited January 16, 2018 by Duke2801

[DoubleUTeeEff]

Frankie, walking into Sheree's room: "I feel like I just walked into a cupcake. On the Serengeti!"

[Wings]

Grace,  Come to dinner, my daughter will be there,  the nice one. 

Brianna at the gender reveal party, "Where are the grownups? "

[Wings]

Brianna to Grace as she eats a frozen dinner. "That is an edible suicide note."

Edited January 22, 2018 by Wings

[CherithCutestory]

Best line in the whole show, imo:

Frankie's holistic doctor: Hey, guys, be sure to keep the tea covered there is a lot of star constellation energy in there.

Grace: Makes total-fucking-sense. Thanks, Mark!

ETA:

Also:

"All that time I thought you were stuck up and boring as shit. Turns out you are stuck up and interesting as shit."

Edited February 4, 2018 by CherithCutestory

[BosomBuddy]

“Get in the balloon, mon.” Grace imitating Frankie’s borderline offensive Jamacain accent.

[Bastet]

"Who drops by?  You call.  You make a plan.  You set it up weeks in advance and then you cancel three times."

[Bastet]

- Sol, are you sure we have to write our own vows? I mean, there's something to be said for being part of a tradition that's been going on for thousands of years.
- Yes, who wouldn't want to be part of the ancient tradition of misogyny and homophobia?

[Bastet]

After Sol says to Frankie, about sleeping with her after they packed up their house, he really fucked up:

"This was the fuck-up?  Not your 20 year affair?  Not all the lies you told me?  One night with the woman you spent 40 years with in the house where we raised our children, that's the fuck-up?  That's fucked up."

And when Grace is yelling at the rabbi who won't perform inter-faith marriages (when they're trying to find someone to officiate Robert and Sol's hospital wedding):

"It's not like I asked you to marry Jesus!"

[Bastet]

The one where Robert comes home from the hospital and Sol is trying to get the kids to stay since he's afraid to be alone with him (lest he blurt out what happened with Frankie) contains a quote from Brianna I have used several times since.  She says she needs to go home, as she needs her medication, and Sol asks what it is, as they may have it there:

"It's a very delicate balance of cannabis, 12-year Scotch, and Zoloft."

[Bastet]

Grace: How do I look?
Frankie: Like a docent at a hair spray museum.

[Bastet]

I really enjoyed Bud's struggle of simultaneously relishing and resenting his role as the fixer in the family, so in re-watch I loved this even more, when Bud is rattled by talk of Coyote possibly meeting his birth mother, when he's already stressed out from dealing with the fallout of the Sol-Frankie hookup, which lead to the Sol-Robert breakup.  Coyote asks him "What's your deal today?" and he responds:

My deal is our father, who is a mess, is camped out at the house of our mother of all people, and, starting Monday, I'm working in an office with, I guess, my now soon-to-be-ex-stepfather-boss-uncle whose workload I've been carrying because he had a stupid heart attack, and now I've got to deal with you and whatever fresh catastrophe is awaiting us in here!

Edited May 19, 2022 by Bastet

[Bastet]

I love Babe's reaction when Frankie catches her up:

- Let's see: Robert and Sol told us they were lovers, so I moved in here with Grace.  Sol and Robert got married, but now they're getting divorced because Sol was unfaithful - with a woman who turned out to be me.  And I almost made nine million dollars.
- You and Grace are living together??

During this re-watch, I finally noticed a parallel in the next episode, when Frankie fills Grace in on what she did during her bender:

- And would you consider a person a "good friend" if she was so plastered she called you a failure in front of your sons, told your new boyfriend that you were afraid of sex in the vagina, and she ate the cake you made for him with her hands?
- I ate cake?

[Bastet]

Reason #217 I love Brianna:

- Mallory: What do you have against tiny houses?
- Brianna: What don't I have against tiny houses?  Look, I'm all for sustainable living, but I don't need some smug, whimsy-loving tiny house fascist making me feel guilty because I don't care to sleep sitting up.
- Mallory: That's harsh.
- Brianna: Oh, is it?  Or is "harsh" cooking Brussels sprouts on your stovetop and then hot-boxing yourself to death with your own farts? Know what show I wanna watch?  Tiny House-Hunters Hunters!

[Bastet]

"We want to make you two the Ben and Jerry of vaginal stimulation."