General True Crime Shows

[walnutqueen]

Would Old Farts in Golf Carts be similar to Cooters on Scooters?

 

 

Yes, but not as scary as Old Dames with Hurrycanes.

[Edie Wharton]

Geppettos with Stilettos?

[auntjess]

Remember Monty Python's Hell's Grannies?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ygy7UDADXDg

[TheEditrixHasSpoken]

Over at the TWoP forums, we've been amusing ourselves with ideas for new ID shownames (after hearing about their latest "Sinister Ministers).  Thought I'd share the list with you all:

 

 

Betties With Machetes

Coupon Clippers With Woodchippers

Coxswains with Toxins

Crones With Drones

Dorks with Forks

Felons With Melons

Geezers In Freezers

Geezers With Tweezers

Grandmas With Hand Saws

Harpies With Sharpies

Hillbillies Who Kill Millies

Hordes With Swords

Jerks with Dirks

Jesters Who Molest Her

Killers with Tillers

Limp Dicks With Ice Picks

Loners With Boners

Marines With Guillotines

Men With Tasers and Straight Razors

Misdemeanors With Coffee Creamers

Night Callers With Melon Ballers

Old Dears With Garden Shears

Shoguns With Blowguns

Skank Hos With Crossbows

Teachers under the Bleachers

Twisted Sisters with Dee Snyder

Thugs With Jugs

Zulus With Ulus

Great, breaking news! Coxswains with Toxins, Twisted Sister with Dee Snyder, and Harpies with Sharpies are ALL greenlit from the giants behind Southern Fried Homicide.

ps. Best. List. EVAH.

You guys, I'm stuck watching late 90s Bill Kurtis specials because they're actually not so terrible and fairly well done. It's THAT BAD. I've fallen asleep to "Cell Block Psychic" and I partially don't hate it. . .please don't hate me. #iamnotacrackpot

[walnutqueen]

I won't hate you for Cell Block Psychics if you don't hate me for wanting to edit my list to include all the new titles we come up with here, TheEditrixHasSpoken ... it is my latest Dark Obsession.  I shouldn't be proud of my ability to devise stupider show titles than the brain trust at ID, but there you have it, I AM just that shallow.  :-)

 

(Harpies With Sharpies isn't my proudest achievement, but it's close!)

[beckie]

 

(Harpies With Sharpies isn't my proudest achievement, but it's close!)

Yah those old ladies chasing each other around with markers is hilarious! I can just see it! And it so fits whats on ID these days! It gives me a giggle each time I read it.

 

Now if they'd make up their minds for sure about what they want to do with Disappeared, I'd be a happy camper!

[walnutqueen]

Since there was absolutely no reason to fuck with the format of Disappeared, I can only assume that the changes ID made are not ones I'll be happy with.  Following a brand new current case may bring the drama, but most of the stories we've seen unfold over months and years, not weeks.  Also, since police are usually loathe to provide too many details to the public during the initial phases of an investigation, I'm having a hard time imagining what the show will be able to follow, and fear they will just use a lot of wild speculation as filler. 

 

I hope I'm wrong [/Pollyanna]

[Edie Wharton]

Here are some more for you, Walnut Queen!

 

Jocks with Glocks

Dolts with Colts

Floozies with Uzis

Maids with Blades

Stammerers who are Hammerers  (yeah, I'll quit now)

[walnutqueen]

I think this is the start of a beautiful thing, Edie Wharton.   Please don't stop.   :-)

 

 

ETA :

Dilberts With Filberts

Fugitives With Toothbrush Shivs

Brutal Types With Lead Pipes

Mamasans With Frying Pans

Strutting Cocks With Chinese Woks

Snipers Who Wear Diapers

Behind Bars for Throwing Stars

Top Bananas With Katanas

MeeMaws With Chain Saws

Wrinkled Knees and Antifreeze

Parsons Who Commit Arson

 

It's a sickness, I tell you.

Edited May 19, 2014 by walnutqueen

[beckie]

It might be a sickness, but it's a creative sickness. And I can't come up with one myself. lol

 

As far as Disappeared goes: 

 

Since there was absolutely no reason to fuck with the format of Disappeared, I can only assume that the changes ID made are not ones I'll be happy with.  Following a brand new current case may bring the drama, but most of the stories we've seen unfold over months and years, not weeks.  Also, since police are usually loathe to provide too many details to the public during the initial phases of an investigation, I'm having a hard time imagining what the show will be able to follow, and fear they will just use a lot of wild speculation as filler.

 

And, according to the response I got from them when I asked whether it was for sure coming back or not, seems like it's only going to be a one of special. 

[TheEditrixHasSpoken]

Since there was absolutely no reason to fuck with the format of Disappeared, I can only assume that the changes ID made are not ones I'll be happy with.  Following a brand new current case may bring the drama, but most of the stories we've seen unfold over months and years, not weeks.  Also, since police are usually loathe to provide too many details to the public during the initial phases of an investigation, I'm having a hard time imagining what the show will be able to follow, and fear they will just use a lot of wild speculation as filler. 

 

I hope I'm wrong [/Pollyanna]

How cool would it actually be to have a series of WELL EXECUTED (hope not being punny. . .yikes) follow-ups? Either, Yup: Dead & gone or Huzzah! At a truck stop! There's been at least one or two updates. . .just me? 

It might be a sickness, but it's a creative sickness. And I can't come up with one myself. lol

 

As far as Disappeared goes: 

 

And, according to the response I got from them when I asked whether it was for sure coming back or not, seems like it's only going to be a one of special. 

Oh crap. Really? Bummer. Well. . .aside from needing to read THROUGH the entire thread before posting, I hope it's a massive (positive? Eh?) update Very Special Episode. 

[walnutqueen]

How cool would it actually be to have a series of WELL EXECUTED (hope not being punny. . .yikes) follow-ups? Either, Yup: Dead & gone or Huzzah! At a truck stop! There's been at least one or two updates. . .just me?

 

 

I would love to see updates on the old cases, TheEditrixHasSpoken.  No doubt there are new developments in several stories they've covered.

[beckie]

Actually I posted about it in the actual Disappeared thread both here and on TWOP. 

 

I don't know if they plan on doing any more. All I know is what they answered me with when I asked them if Disappeared was still coming back or not.

[beckie]

Here's the link for Disappeared: http://www.thefutoncritic.com/news/2014/05/12/missing-in-maui-a-disappeared-special-one-hour-special-premieres-monday-may-26-at-10-9c-on-investigation-discovery-639311/20140512id01/

 

It looks like it's just a one of and it's not an update show. Just a special.

[beckie]

For all those who like Disappeared, please watch the special on Monday night! Maybe if we all do it and it gets great numbers, ID will see what idiots they were for cancelling it in the first place.

 

Oh wait. ID make an informed rational decision? What am I thinking?

[walnutqueen]

Now that's MY idea of a pinup poster, Suz!    :-)

[David T. Cole]

Can someone PM me and tell me if "Sinister Ministers: Collared" is a real series or just a little special? The ID site is beyond terrible. Thanks!

[beckie]

 

Missing in Maui, although it did not have any reference to Disappeared in its title or description, was placed in the same folder as the Disappeared episodes by my cable DVR.  I don't know how they do that, but it seemed pretty clear that it's supposed to be a Disappeared episode even though its a one-shot.

Missing in Maui, was that with A Disappeared Special after the title, so that's probably why it went in the same folder. As far as I know they aren't doing another one but then they haven't answered me when I asked.

 

I hate Karma's a Bitch. It's one of my least favorite shows on ID! And I'm sure the Sinister Ministers will be a bunch of repeat cases, too.

Edited May 30, 2014 by beckie

[auntjess]

I watched Most Infamous: The Scorecard Killer, and a lot it would have felt like voyeurism, but it was so grim I fast forwarded past those parts, and about the "experts" talking about the guy, Randy Kraft.

[beckie]

ID is playing a Disappeared Marathon right now for another hour or two. But it doesn't go until the new show. 

 

I miss TWOP.

[walnutqueen]

auntjess - that scorecard killer was creepy.  Luckily I listen much more than I watch. 

 

Buck up, beckie - we'll get through it.  The only baggage here has dead bodies in it.  :-) 

 

We have that Last Seen Alive show to either thoroughly enjoy, or thoroughly enjoy snarking on, and if you're anything like me, you'll have a bunch of stuff on your DVR by tomorrow (I love Sunday nights).  And you KNOW what tomorrow brings ... KENDA !!!

 

 

DVR alert:  "I (Almost) Got Away With It: What Would Kenda Do?" airs Monday 6/2/14 on ID.

[applecrisp]

I saw that too,  Walnut Queen.  Very creepy.  And he may have killed many more.  Soooo creepy.  Just can't hear about serial killers too scary.  I still have not seen all of the Disappeared episodes.  So I have a few of those to watch.  I watched a really bad Lifetime movie today Class Warfare.  Some good shows are coming up.  We had our first over 90 degree day here.(Iowa)  

OK back in the day did anyone watch SCTV.  There was a character, who introduced scary films - in a local market, late at night..  Joe Flaherty played the guy and they always got lame movies.  Anyhow when I read my post above I thought "you sound like the guy from SCTV."  Maybe somebody remembers. 

 

Well glad so many people showed up from the other website makes me feel better.

[walnutqueen]

I want a new bumper sticker with the logo: WWJKD?  (WWKD?). 

 

Only the coolest Kenda fans would honk.  :-)

[auntjess]

I have a whole lot of shows on my DVR from the past week.
There were a lot of really old First 48s on, and then 2 new batches of Forensic Files.

I did watch Shadow of the Thin Man, which was on the other day too.

[beckie]

 

Buck up, beckie - we'll get through it.  The only baggage here has dead bodies in it.  :-)

Thanks for the warning! lol I still have TWOP on my computer, can't bear to delete it!

 

 

I still have not seen all of the Disappeared episodes.  So I have a few of those to watch.

 

apple crisp, ID is playing Disappeared daily between 11 and 1. You can probably catch the eps you've missed then.

 

 

DVR alert:  "I (Almost) Got Away With It: What Would Kenda Do?" airs Monday 6/2/14 on ID.

 

Thanks for the heads up. For some reason I thought it was the one tomorrow and I thought it was strange that ID didn't mention him in it. Now I know why.

[applecrisp]

Thanks Beckie, I like to come late to the party with some shows, then I can savor watching them.  Of course I always end up binge watching.  

[beckie]

Did anybody catch the new show last night? I meant to watch it but got caught up in something else and missed it (and the repeat). I'm just wondering if it was worth watching.

[Edie Wharton]

applecrisp:  Count Floyd!  Weren't there a lot of bad 3-D movies, with objects lunging toward and away from the screen?  I loved SCTV.

 

Walnut Queen:  one more title for your list, and this one really is extremely especially for you:  Walnut Queens with Ball Peens!

 

I saw most of the Scorecard Killer--he was horrific.  A day or two earlier I watched the Freeway Killer (in the same series, with the Brit expert on serial killers).  I actually had to quickly change the channel when the expert prefaced a description of child torture as the most gruesome scene he had ever heard about.  And this came after they had already described in graphic detail some hideously depraved stuff.  So I figured it was going to be worse than that, and I just couldn't take it.  I don't mean to be wimpy and I certainly don't mean to not give proper respect to the victims for the horrors they experienced, but sometimes I just want to focus on how the criminal was caught, without hearing every last detail of the living nightmares that unfolded.  I guess I'm too wimpy to watch the serial killers series!

[auntjess]

I like First 48: Missing, but it's different, as it features Chicago police working missing person cases as they come in.
There are some of the cops I like a lot. 

Some people are found, and some are found dead, and some not found.
 

[walnutqueen]

Suz - save your money for something worth watching.  Last Seen Alive was `absolute shite; and the few comments Kenda made on that show I Almost Got Away With It did nothing to pull it out of the crapper, either.  I would say I'm bitterly disappointed, but this is ID, and it is what I've come to expect.

[aradia22]

Ugh, this channel. I will occasionally be flipping channels without a good sense of what I want to watch and then five minutes into one of these shows, I'll get sucked in and want to know what happens. But unlike when I watch Law and Order, I feel dirty afterwards. Put aside the cheapness and the salaciousness. Let's start with the stupid titles. I refuse to believe that the people who run this network want me to take a show called Sinister Ministers seriously. You can't slap on a stupid (or really specific and obvious title about twins or grandmas or whatever else you pulled out of a hat that week) and then expect me to get invested in the drama. Then, there are the awful and embarrassing reenactments. It's funny how you never see those actors again (unlike Law and Order). I hate the way the subjects talk when they're interviewed. The investigators act like everything was obvious and the psychologists come across sounding like crackpots with the way they try and diagnose the people involved (suspect or victim) and claim to know their motivations. And oh, the problematic gender politics. It gets so bad. I swear, if anyone cared enough to watch this channel the blogs would have a field day with all the victim blaming and horrible stereotypes and misogyny in play. 

 

 

Dorks with Forks
Felons With Melons

Love it! OK, I would totally watch at least one episode of fork or melon related crimes. You know they're going to steal "Geezers in Freezers," "Teachers Under the Bleachers," or "Maids with Blades" if they see them. But we'll know... Maybe it's just Devious Maids but I would probably be curious enough to watch the last one.

[slensam]

A new show is coming on. I think its called "Cry Wolffe". Well I checked out the description for the first couple of them and they both have to do with "affairs". Does three-quarters of their stuff always have to be about "affairs". Kind of already know where they're going with it.  I really don't want to combine sexy time with people getting hurt or murdered. Their programmers are weird.

[beckie]

 

Last Seen Alive is supposedly 'in the moment' but not really.  Add to it that it's called 'Last Seen Alive' but the cases are prosaic missing persons cases and it really doesn't sit well with me. I mean, 'last seen alive' hints that they may be dead, and so far neither case we've seen even comes close to assuming such an outcome. They were two girls who ran away from home, and one was an adult who left with her boyfriend. I'm glad they found them and that the sixteen year old especially was able to come home and her OTT mom was put in her place at last. Really had an off feeling about her from interview one. Drama. Queen. Me me me.  Just did not like her. Then to find out she was calling her daughter names and throwing her out of the house etc, then suddenly she's  all about being mom of the year, can't understand why her daughter 'she's so close to' would leave, etc. Ugh. Spare me.

 

 

Great. Then I didn't miss anything. I knew it would be shit. I could feel it, but I wanted to give it a chance. Now I don't have to.

 

 

ou know they're going to steal "Geezers in Freezers," "Teachers Under the Bleachers," or "Maids with Blades" if they see them. But we'll know... Maybe it's just Devious Maids but I would probably be curious enough to watch the last one.

I'm still kind of hoping they do Harpies with Sharpies! That could lead to all kinds of mayhem! (or remakes of already overdone cases)

 

and the few comments Kenda made on that show I Almost Got Away With It did nothing to pull it out of the crapper, either.  I would say I'm bitterly disappointed, but this is ID, and it is what I've come to expect.

Geez, that sucks! Maybe it's time to abandon ID and let them know we aren't going to watch just anything anymore, just because it's on. Too bad, to, because it was my go to channel at one time, now I hardly watch it anymore.

[auntjess]

 

Does three-quarters of their stuff always have to be about "affairs". Kind of already know where they're going with it.

I skip these.  I like a little whodunit in my mysteries.

I also skipped Snapped, which shows in reruns several places.

[Edie Wharton]

The minimal presence of Kenda was disappointing.  I believe someone said upthread (or perhaps at TWOP) that this show is vaguely designed to make you root for the felon as he recounts his escape(s).  And when they're profiling a con man or some stupid kid who can't bear to be in jail, it's a little bit interesting to see how far they can go before they're captured.  But when these felons are murderers, for example, it's sickening.  There was a guy on last night who killed his stepfather, with help from a friend.  This loser made fun of the cops, blamed his friend and blamed his own mother (who supposedly promised him a car for doing the deed).  But he started it, and he finished it by not getting help for his stepfather.

 

Having also watched the Kenda episode, I think I've now seen three or four of "Almost...".  On a technical note, it's shocking how easy it appears to be to escape (given the right conditions), even when being shot at.  Cops leave their keys in the car with the felon, they leave their guns vulnerable...  One guy was running away from several officers shooting at him and not one bullet hit its mark.  To escape, it appears you have to be observant, lucky and ballsy.  And once you're out, don't go visit your mom or your girlfriend.  And if you've written a bad check to steal two cars from a dealership, do not return so that the car salesman can "check the VIN number."  Idiot!

[walnutqueen]

One guy was running away from several officers shooting at him and not one bullet hit its mark.

 

 

I'll tell you a dirty little secret about cops - in general, they are not good shots.  Yes, you get the occasional guy who takes guns and shooting skills seriously, but there are too many others who use NONE of their assigned practice ammo and barely qualify for their skills tests.  I think that is a problem in more police departments than the one I have personal experience with, judging from the "shootouts" I've seen on the news.

[auntjess]

Hey, there's an article about the new Last Seen Alive, http://previously.tv/last-seen-alive/should-you-track-down-last-seen-alive/.
I'm always surprised when potential "my shows" get any attention.
(I looked at the article on Marriage Boot Camp, with "reality TV" stars, and I watch reality TV, and none of the names were one any of my shows.)

[walnutqueen]

I cannot believe I am saying this, but if Kenda were to continue with this ill-advised canned "commentary" on an otherwise shitty ID show ... I might have to re-evaluate our relationship.  (Boy, I really didn't like that "I Almost Got Away With It" show, eh!).

[auntjess]

I'm taking these comments to me that I can erase this unwatched.

[auntjess]

You guys are killing me! 

I'm going to have a lot more erasing to do, but more DVR room.

Although, Baptists with crucifixes might be worth seeing.

Thank heaven there were a lot of old First 48 episodes last week, and a lot of old Mike Holmes tonight.

[beckie]

 

Speaking of shows, I watched Cry Wolfe tonight, and got a really 'fakery' vibe from it.

I saw it, too, and got the same vibe. And I take what you guys say seriously. You've never steered me wrong yet.

 

To me Cry Wolfe was like ID's version of cheaters. I wasn't sure why it was on ID in the first place, but what do I know?

 

 

ID shows almost always get religious cases 'wrong' in the details and that annoys me more than it might others.

It's not just the religious cases they get wrong in details. It's just about any case they use in one of their "schtick" shows. 

 

ID has gone downhill really fast.

[walnutqueen]

Well, I actually passed on Sinister Ministers and Cry Wolfe, and am very glad I didn't waste more of my valuable viewing time.  I can hold out until August and the return of Kenda.

[Edie Wharton]

I was just checking in to see how you guys felt about Cry Wolfe.  It looked 100% reenacted to me.  The only character I thought was semi-interesting was Wolfe's assistant.

[Edie Wharton]

I tuned in to "Deadly Affairs" mid-episode.  It was about Norman and Virginia Larzelere.  He was a dentist and she was his office manager, and at some point they got involved in the swinger lifestyle.  One day a guy with a shotgun busted in and killed the dentist at his office.

 

So they had this talking head, a middle-aged woman who was spouting off on various aspects of the case, including what can happen to people when they get involved in swinging.  Finally I saw her chyron and she was identified as a "dental patient."  Ha!

[auntjess]

I just watched a Dead of Night that I taped, about cold case in Pa.
The Vidoq Society got in on it too.
I thought it was quite a few cuts above a lot of the shows.

[walnutqueen]

auntjess - I like that Dead of Night show, too - it is one of ID's new offerings that I actually watch.

[beckie]

auntjess - I like that Dead of Night show, too - it is one of ID's new offerings that I actually watch.

You mean it's still on? I'm surprised ID hasn't pulled it to try and "improve" it. lol

[applecrisp]

Did anyone watch My Brother the Serial Killer?  I did.  What did you think?

[beckie]

My Brother the Serial Killer is an ID special that they play ad naseum every few months or so. I watched it once or twice. 

[ButterQueen]

Anyone else watch Nightmare Next Door, and wonder how you would survive living like that? I am so shocked at these stories.