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Alexis Rose: Spoiled As Schitt

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One of my favorite things is getting snippets about the crazy adventures Alexis has had!

Things we know about Alexis so far:

  • was taken hostage on David Geffen's yacht by Somali pirates for a week (and nobody answered her texts!)
  • did not go missing - the FBI knew where she was the entire time
  • told a lot of people that Diane Sawyer sells fake bags on the down low
  • had a gap year in Belgium and a Tour de France boyfriend, but never learned to ride a bike
  • has negotiated in Arabic
  • got into Kiss Kiss in Tokyo without a lock of human hair
  • her first kiss was Jared Leto
  • sometimes gets this almost uncontrollable urge to talk to people or be complimented
  • had a friend in Venice Beach who sold raw milk and his entire compound was raided (possibly because he also sold drugs)
  • has been through tons of checkpoints in Johannesburg (it's like a drive through except everybody has a gun)
  • uses dandruff shampoo (but it's preventative)
  • has nude photos on the internet
  • was described by Us Weekly as "up for anything"
  • came up with all the flavors for her line of edible nail polish (which poisoned people)
  • was picked up by the South Korean secret police on New Year's and had to sweet talk the consulate's lawyer to get a passport before midnight
  • Prince Harry trusted her with his life
  • eats cake and leaves the icing
  • has experience being in a throuple
  • went on a wine tasting trip in Bordeaux when she was seven years old
  • has a driver's license in seven different countries and an F class license
  • has parallel parked while wearing a burka
Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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  • met Beyoncé in Mykonos during the semester she took off from her high school in Switzerland
  • her resume says she did four years at UCLA, which is technically true if you consider Bel Air an extension of the campus, which everybody does
Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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On 2017-02-02 at 1:32 PM, applecrisp said:

I also think if she were on Green Acres she could talk to Arnold the pig.

Talk to him? She could marry him. And they would live happily ever after.

How happily, you ask?  Well  ...  just as happy as two little piggies in Little Schitty City.  And,  that just might mean even more to you once you realize that living in Little Schitty City is purely a Schtate of Mind - albeit one impoverished and Schitty Schtate of Mind.

Edited by LauraAnders
The Schitt will out! It will always out!
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I must take my hat off to you.  Before I started posting here, I thought there was no one who appreciated this show as much as I did.  But the list you posted above about all of Alexis' accomplishments have convinced me there is no one who appreciates this show any more than you do. You got me beat and that's for sure. I don't mind one bit. You deserve every tiny little bit of the associated acolades. Yes you do.  It takes a very special character to do that and I must admit that you have won that competition - providing you choose to consider it to be a competition.

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21 hours ago, LauraAnders said:

I must take my hat off to you

Same here. That's an impressive list.  Didn't she also have to hide in a hamper to get out of a building and/or country that was under siege?

  • Sometimes takes the edge off with medication intended for animals.
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  • Kirsten Dunst is jealous of her bangs (she told her so at the Marie Antoinette premiere)
  • her friends used to call her Marie, mainly because she was casually seeing Prince Harry so there was like the whole "is she going to be a princess?" thing but also because they were going through this very dark phase where they were partying too hard
  • stole a dress from Ashlee Simpson (or Ashlee stole it from Alexis and then Alexis stole it back)
  • would like to have a label to sell festival wear, hair feathers, and body jewelry
  • if a man doesn't ask for her phone number, he's either newly married or gay
  • doesn't like skin tags or old smell
  • went to this amazing little resto-lounge in Bangkok that specialized in Tahitian food and scalp massages
  • did not pose for the Rose family portrait because she was visiting Stavros in rehab
  • used to shoplift with her klepto friends in the Hamptons
  • used to text Zac Efron just a question mark whenever she wanted a booty call
Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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  • dated all three Hanson brothers one summer because she needed backstage passes to the Teen Choice Awards

  • learned how to play pool pretty quickly when she was in a Ugandan diamond smuggler's villa playing for her friend's freedom

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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  • got dumped by Stavros via text because he already RSVPed to Diddy's white party and didn't have time to come pick her up (he had already dumped her five times, didn't meet her in Rio like he was supposed to, and he gave her his ex-wife's engagement ring)
  • got arrested when Stavros left his molly in her glove compartment
  • upon arriving in Schitt's Creek, she was looking for a mechanic or someone at least 5'7" with full lips, an athletic body, and maybe a neck tattoo who hammered stuff
  • got a DUI for driving into the Prada Store on Rodeo Drive while high (in fairness, it did look a lot like the entrance to a parking garage)
  • when she was 17, she went to Thailand on spring break and escaped from a Thai drug lord's car trunk by bribing him with sex (Aroon was a lovely gentleman until he ran out of money)
  • dropped out of college
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  • was once paid to talk up Heartblaster Energy Drink at a Third Eye Blind concert.
  • escaped the yakuza when she was 21 (while wearing high heels)
  • got Sienna Miller's bracelet when it fell off her wrist at a Halloween party
  • hooked up with Adam Levine after getting bubble tea
  • once passed off a mini horse and three guinea pigs as service animals
Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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  • during the summer that Alexis wanted to be the next Jessica Simpson, Johnny and Moira flew in Barbra Streisand's vocal coach (who quit the business after just two lessons with Alexis - he now lives in a monastery)

  • the producers of her reality show "A Little Bit Alexis" insisted that she take acting classes after they started shooting

  • released an album which included the song "Hamptons Hoes"

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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21 minutes ago, ElectricBoogaloo said:

was taken to the Playboy mansion when she was seven years old (by Moira, of course)

And had a wonderful time in the children's grotto!

Edited by strippedhalo
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On 9/11/2019 at 2:51 PM, Valerie said:

I don't think it's meant to parody a specific song, but it definitely has a Britney Spears vibe. Or insert any reality TV star that decided to pick up a singing career, like Paris Hilton.

It was not any worse than Paris Hilton to be honest.

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On 9/11/2019 at 2:51 PM, Valerie said:

I don't think it's meant to parody a specific song, but it definitely has a Britney Spears vibe. Or insert any reality TV star that decided to pick up a singing career, like Paris Hilton.

The music is a Britney Spears song, "Work B*tch"

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  • fit her best friend from high school into a small suitcase when crossing the border between Laos and Vietnam
  • dated Sean Penn
  • showed up to Kate Winslet's wedding a month late because she mixed up the day and month on her plane ticket (in her defense, the calligraphy was hard to read and Billy Zane did the same thing)
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  • tried to end things with B-Rock on the Backstreet Boys Millennium tour
  • can't make big decisions under pressure (that's how she ended up with a pixie cut at prom)
  • left everything behind and moved to some random island to be with the love of her life Harry Styles but it was too rainy in England
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I know we have wondered about Alexis and David's ages throughout the series, but I found one concrete answer! In S1.E4 (Bad Parents), Alexis tells the Thai drug lord story which she said took place during spring break ten years ago when she in high school. Johnny gets apoplectic and says, "You were 17?" which means she was 27 during S1 which took place in 2015.


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