nachomama January 14, 2020 Share January 14, 2020 1 hour ago, OoohMaggie said: If your not unhappy with where you are it’s not worth stressing over, but small changes, one at a time will soon build up until you are where you want to be. Generally, pretty contented, its just been since she died, which is normal grief and this unexpected turn. I hadn't seen my sister in 4 years, before that I had gone as much as 11 years without seeing her. Not because I didn't want to but just where we were in life. Talked to her all the time. Used to talk to her on Sundays and I find myself not going home on Sundays and sitting in my car, although her daughter now calls me on Sundays. It isn't the same thing, I understand that for her I'm books and $20 in her commissary. Not saying she doesn't love me but I know my role. I don't know if this is a good thing where I'm asserting myself that I don't want to be an afterthought or the last one invited to things. Or I'm even taking initiative and doing the inviting. But I'm finding it just stands out more. I don't want to be a third wheel. I have 1 friend who ditches me at the drop of a hat, she's abandoned me 2 thanksgivings in a row. We were housesitting and just going to do something casual since we didn't need a turkey and I hate all thanksgiving foods, last minute she had to go back to her apartment and cook a "traditional" thanksgiving for a roommate. ??? then the next year we were invited over to another friend's house that neither of us wanted to go but if we went together it was tolerable. Last minute, gone, she went to the movies. So she's off the list, it's weird because it isn't personal I'm just not near the top of the list if someone else calls I'm expendable. I'm never the life of the party, I'm not a social butterfly, where I do go I tend to pick a corner and stay there and anyone can come and talk to me but I'm not swinging from the chandeliers. I don't dance and the universe is thankful for that. I don't have a bad time, chillin is my idea of a good time, not club hopping or snorting coke off a hooker. 2 Link to comment
nachomama January 14, 2020 Share January 14, 2020 1 hour ago, icemiser69 said: Mellowing out and taking everything slow will probably produce better results. It is probably easier to make friends when people aren't trying to make friends. In other words, just casual lighthearted conversations without initially laying anything heavy on anyone early on. What? i'm NOT supposed to tell people I have my dead sister in the trunk of my car 2 seconds after I meet them. Good to know, I will make a note. Actually, when I was in college I was notorious for that. My mom died 2 weeks after I graduated from high school so I arrived at college 2 months after she died. So when everyone talked about getting cookies from their mom, I thought I was making things easier by saying "my mom kicked the bucket" mostly I couldn't really say it out loud, in a serious fashion, because then I would cry but I thought I could avoid the pity looks but mostly they thought I was a freak. (I was) But I did find out at the end of my freshman year that I wasn't invited to parties because of something entirely different. In the elevator one day someone said something about smoking and needing a beer. I joked, "I'm going to my room to read my bible" I really thought I layed the sarcasm on thick but no everyone thought I was a bible thumper. Weird goth chick was fine but churchy mcchurchalot wasn't. sigh. 1 Link to comment
AngelaHunter January 14, 2020 Share January 14, 2020 3 hours ago, OoohMaggie said: I hate crowds and big loud groups of people, since moving up country 15 years ago I haven’t made any friends, my Cousins and Aunt live nearby but I only see them once a week and holidays etc. I can’t mingle, or just walk up to people and start chatting away and it takes me an age to relax in peoples company so I know exactly where you are. As time goes on it gets harder and harder to find people who "get" us. We're not going to change at this point in time, so if someone does NOT get us, what's the point? If I make some out-there, wacky comment (as I do here and you all are my peeps!) to someone and just get a blank look in response I know it's not happening. My old friends - and some I've had since I was 5 years old - think I'm a wee bit kooky, but they accept that and love me anyway.😁 I have a widowed friend who takes trips with groups of strangers. She shares ship cabins with a stranger. She can talk to and be friendly anyone. I could never, ever do what she does. 4 hours ago, OoohMaggie said: I thought that (Dunkirk) was an amazing film, I did do what I don’t normally do and saw it on a massive screen with the proper cinema sound effects It could have been great, but honestly it didn't make much sense to me. The boat is stuck and filling with water so they decide that throwing one guy overboard is going to unstick it? The now it's night/now it's day what the hell is going on? are just a couple of the problems, IMO. The worst part is that it bored me. I watched the Red Baron movie, the German one because on the whole German war films are excellent. I was dying to see that but what a let-down. Richthofen looked like a 12-year-old overly tall McCauley Culkin and the story devolved into some sappy love affair with some nurse who influenced and scolded the Baron to be an anti-war pacifist. As if. We didn't even see him get shot down at the end. That's like a Wyatt Earp movie that has the OK gunfight off-screen. Oh, and it seemed the subtitles must have been written by some stoner using modern North American slang!? I dislike movies with ham-handed agendas. 2 Link to comment
nachomama January 14, 2020 Share January 14, 2020 I saw Dunkirk, didn't hate it but definitely didn't get that it was 3 timelines. But I'll show up for anything Cillian Murphy. I just want to feed him a sandwich and look directly into his eyes forever while he reads a phone book. :) I'll take Tom Hardy but without the talking. I think I have slow eyeballs. When I watch a film such as Dunkirk or the Avengers and all the fighting starts, it's completely lost on me. Usually with Avengers type movies you at least know your dude wears a blue cape or has the shield thing. War movies, dude I can't tell whose a german and whose a russian, etc. Plus anytime we went places as a kid and someone points and says "there's a robin in that tree" could be a freaking eagle, I'm still not going to see it. I think I'm missing rods or cones that differentiate that stuff. I couldn't see a nature bird unless it slapped me in the face on a roller coaster. And I definitely couldn't have been a sharp shooter that when somebody has you wrestled to the ground I shoot the bad guy cuz chances are I'm shooting you. 1 Link to comment
OoohMaggie January 14, 2020 Share January 14, 2020 44 minutes ago, AngelaHunter said: The boat is stuck and filling with water so they decide that throwing one guy overboard is going to unstick it? Because of the bullet holes shot into it by the Germans, one of the 3 ‘British’ soldiers thinks that the boat won’t float, so suggests that one ‘previously unknown’ of the three should leave the boat, mainly because he thinks the guy is a German spy, but in fact is a French soldier who stole a uniform off a dead Brit, it honestly does make sense, as for the timeline, it was like a Tarantino film where they jump around a bit. I do have a bias, as I have a great interest in WW1 / 2, also Dunkirk does mean a great deal to a lot of us over here, for many reasons, it showed the best and worst of the British army Link to comment
OoohMaggie January 14, 2020 Share January 14, 2020 3 hours ago, nachomama said: I'm never the life of the party, I'm not a social butterfly, where I do go I tend to pick a corner and stay there and anyone can come and talk to me but I'm not swinging from the chandeliers. I don't dance and the universe is thankful for that. I don't have a bad time, chillin is my idea of a good time, not club hopping or snorting coke off a hooker. Apart from the last five words I feel like we could have been twins separated at birth 😋 3 hours ago, icemiser69 said: Are you sure they are women? Well she did shave every morning, and not in the areas I would have appreciated, but as I swore to save myself for my Bride, I do have to wonder 🤔 1 Link to comment
OoohMaggie January 14, 2020 Share January 14, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, AngelaHunter said: the story devolved into some sappy love affair with some nurse who influenced and scolded the Baron to be an anti-war pacifist. The death knell of any war film, a love interest, yet another positive for Dunkirk! Edited January 14, 2020 by OoohMaggie Link to comment
nachomama January 14, 2020 Share January 14, 2020 I'm sure people have seen the meme of the people on a pool floaty, ahem nsfw, and the caption is "Rose and Jack could both fit on the door" anywho that was my beef with the Titanic movie. There were so many true stories to be told, he paid so much money to dive to the actual wreckage for footage(!) and he created some whacko love story with a diamond. But I was always happy Leo didn't get on the raft, it made me giggle. 1 Link to comment
AngelaHunter January 14, 2020 Share January 14, 2020 1 hour ago, nachomama said: anywho that was my beef with the Titanic movie. There were so many true stories to be told, he paid so much money to dive to the actual wreckage for footage(!) and he created some whacko love story with a diamond. No kidding. A truly sappy love story and I'm sorry but Kate Winslet (who was supposed to be 17) looked like Leo's auntie. The only part worth watching was the actual sinking. My god - evil, sadistic Billy Zane running around shooting a gun and twirling his moustache was like a zany parody that needed only Benny Hill's "Yackety Sax". 1 hour ago, OoohMaggie said: I do have a bias, as I have a great interest in WW1 / 2 Me too, and because of my father, especially WWII. I think I've seen most of the movies, even the German and one Russian one. One of the very top, IMO, has no action at all and that's "Conspiracy." Just riveting. 1 Link to comment
walnutqueen January 15, 2020 Share January 15, 2020 23 minutes ago, icemiser69 said: I think the Ghost and Mr. Chicken is still my favorite Don Knotts' movie. That one scared me, and gave me an aversion to organ music. 1 1 Link to comment
nachomama January 15, 2020 Share January 15, 2020 I didn’t get to see the movie but went to dinner and apparently I have an absurdly large number of weird stories. I feel like a very boring person. How do I meet/interact with such whackadoos? My friend is from Detroit and she says She feels very sheltered compared to me. Everybody has those right? I think I remember more of them than the average but everybody has bad date stories. Bad road trip. Just nonsense stuff really. 1 Link to comment
AngelaHunter January 15, 2020 Share January 15, 2020 4 hours ago, icemiser69 said: I never saw Titanic. I knew how it ended, so I saw no point in going. I watch all those war movies and certainly know the ending beforehand every time. 😄 A really great movie is one where you do know who will live or die and how it will turn out, but it can keep you engrossed anyway. Titanic is not one of those movies, so yeah, you didn't miss anything. You can see the sinking on YT. It was pretty horrific especially on the big screen. 2 Link to comment
Nashville January 15, 2020 Share January 15, 2020 (edited) 6 hours ago, icemiser69 said: I don't know if it was a dream or a real movie. When I was a kid, I could have sworn that I saw a black and white war movie on television, where a soldier who was about to leave on a ship, ran back for the woman he was involved with and they were killed on the beach by a mortar. Is that a real movie? Does that sound familiar to anyone? Rings a faint bell. Wasn’t he a British or American soldier who got separated from his company behind enemy lines, and she a local who kept him hid from the Nazis - initially unwillingly (he sort of stumbled into her house and coerced her assistance), but they ended up falling in love? 1960s-ish British film, maybe? Edited January 15, 2020 by Nashville 1 1 Link to comment
Nashville January 15, 2020 Share January 15, 2020 On 1/13/2020 at 5:14 PM, AngelaHunter said: There is always someone, but to me the Emperor is always naked. Sounds like penguin porn. 3 Link to comment
nachomama January 15, 2020 Share January 15, 2020 (edited) There was an Australian (I think) mini series that I loved, loved, loved when I was a kid and I could remember snippets of it and had chalked it up to my imagination or possibly combining several things into one. I did eventually find out it was a real thing although no success so far in actually finding it to watch. It followed several generations of the first settlers in Australia. There was an indentured servant/maid lady and a convict. The convict part checks because it was a penal colony. I think there was a rich lady who went there to marry for wealth, as in parents set up some sort of arrangement and when she got there he was a commoner and she was all hoity toity. She had to learn to do manual labor and they fell in love. She was friends with the indentured servant lady whose boss(?) was a barkeep. He was a bad man and they eventually learned of a loophole, if he went to jail she was both free and became the owner of his property. So he got caught with illegal spirits and she was free to marry the convict and everyone was happily ever after. OOOPS SPOILER ALERT. There was an american one too, with Samantha from Bewitched. Loved me some Samantha. I think her husband was Hal Holbrook. Dr. Quinn Medicine woman was in it too and this was years and years back, she was a teenager. Anywho they all settled out west. Samantha was married off to Hal Holbrook and she was uneducated and he was a doctor or a lawyer and she couldn't sleep in a real bed ( real bed consisted of ropes tied across bed frame with a stuffed mattress) she had to sleep on the floor with furs. She had a younger sister named Sulie (not Julie) and Sulie had died in childhood so she had a daughter and also named her Sulie and, duh, Sulie tried to jump over the fire and burnt up. So Samantha went crazy. See? I remember really stupid stuff. Edited January 15, 2020 by nachomama 1 Link to comment
OoohMaggie January 15, 2020 Share January 15, 2020 (edited) 16 hours ago, icemiser69 said: I never saw Titanic. I knew how it ended, so I saw no point in going. The whole “it was the Olympic not Titanic that sunk” theory adds new life to the story. Edward Smith, the ‘Titanic’s’ captain who went down with the ship, lived just over three miles from where I live now, I cycle past his house regularly. I have to agree about The Great Escape, it was a childhood favourite and even now I can’t just watch a few minutes, I have to watch the whole thing. 12 hours ago, AngelaHunter said: I watch all those war movies and certainly know the ending beforehand every time. 😄 on the list of movies that are so good that you have to watch until the end I can put The Dirty Dozen, Kelly’s Heroes, Zulu, A Bridge Too Far, The Battle Of Britain and The Battle Of The Bulge. There are some great foreign language films out there, the 2013 Russian film Stalingrad looked absolutely gorgeous on screen, a fantastic movie. Edited January 15, 2020 by OoohMaggie 2 Link to comment
AngelaHunter January 15, 2020 Share January 15, 2020 26 minutes ago, OoohMaggie said: There are some great foreign language films out there, the 2013 Russian film Stalingrad looked absolutely gorgeous on screen, a fantastic movie. Yes, that was amazing, though I believe it's a German film. I feel kind of bad for Thomas Kretschmann. Nearly every time he gets a movie role he has to put on a Nazi uniform. 😏 A Russian war movie I saw that was so disturbing I couldn't finish it is "Come and See." 6 hours ago, Nashville said: Sounds like penguin porn. You're nuts. I really like that quality in a person. 😂 2 Link to comment
nachomama January 15, 2020 Share January 15, 2020 I just like that boy penguins (pronounced PANG-quinn, btw, in case you wondered) keeps the egg safe. He has to waddle with the egg balanced on his feetsees with his beer gut keeping it warm. THAT'S a man! 2 Link to comment
Nashville January 15, 2020 Share January 15, 2020 2 hours ago, nachomama said: There was an american one too, with Samantha from Bewitched. Loved me some Samantha. I think her husband was Hal Holbrook. Dr. Quinn Medicine woman was in it too and this was years and years back, she was a teenager. Anywho they all settled out west. Samantha was married off to Hal Holbrook and she was uneducated and he was a doctor or a lawyer and she couldn't sleep in a real bed ( real bed consisted of ropes tied across bed frame with a stuffed mattress) she had to sleep on the floor with furs. She had a younger sister named Sulie (not Julie) and Sulie had died in childhood so she had a daughter and also named her Sulie and, duh, Sulie tried to jump over the fire and burnt up. So Samantha went crazy. See? I remember really stupid stuff. Can’t say as I’m up on my Australian miniseries minutiae, but the American miniseries you’re describing is The Awakening Land. Think I remember it vaguely - solely because (a) I was about 15-16 when it came out, and (b) in my humble-but-horny teenaged opinion, Elizabeth Montgomery was hotter’n fuck. 5 minutes ago, nachomama said: I just like that boy penguins (pronounced PANG-quinn, btw, in case you wondered) keeps the egg safe. He has to waddle with the egg balanced on his feetsees with his beer gut keeping it warm. THAT'S a man! That beer gut overhang is also useful for keeping the tv remote handy. Just so you know. 3 hours ago, icemiser69 said: Sounds about right. Your memory is better than mine. Only for movies and shit. Just don’t ask me who all I spoke to yesterday. 2 1 Link to comment
nachomama January 15, 2020 Share January 15, 2020 13 minutes ago, Nashville said: Can’t say as I’m up on my Australian miniseries minutiae, but the American miniseries you’re describing is The Awakening Land. Think I remember it vaguely - solely because (a) I was about 15-16 when it came out, and (b) in my humble-but-horny teenaged opinion, Elizabeth Montgomery was hotter’n fuck. I had a very big girl crush on Elizabeth Montgomery too. Also Lindsay Wagner. I don't know how controversial this will be but I vote for "Ma" on the Little House on the Prairie as hotter'n fuck too. When they did the battle of the network stars and she weren't in her prairie getup, mama hawt! 1 Link to comment
OoohMaggie January 15, 2020 Share January 15, 2020 (edited) 23 hours ago, AngelaHunter said: Yes, that was amazing, though I believe it's a German film. I There was a 1993 film called ‘Stalingrad’ which I believe was a German affair, but I’m sure the 2013 film was Russian throughout, as for Kretschmann, I can’t feel too sorry for him, he’s a good looking guy who’s made a good living out of the roles he’s portrayed,he was very good in the King Kong movie as I remember. im trying to find a source for ‘come and see’, along with others, I’ve got Netflix and Amazon Prime, but ‘quelle surprise’ us poor, unfortunate souls in the UK, although paying more than you guys, only get offered a vastly reduced selection of shows / movies from which to choose..... 😡 Edited January 16, 2020 by OoohMaggie Link to comment
nachomama January 15, 2020 Share January 15, 2020 I swear there was also an Australian version of Pippi Longstocking where she was blonde, she rode a horse to school and had a mayo sandwich and the kids made fun of her and took her bread and smeared the mayo all over the floor. You can't google that either. I hated mayo as a kid and it was just the absolutely grossest thing ever. But I also think I have a thing for Australians...and Irishes...and Scottisheses. Link to comment
OoohMaggie January 15, 2020 Share January 15, 2020 4 hours ago, nachomama said: There was an Australian (I think) mini series that I loved, loved, loved when I was a kid and I could remember snippets of it and had chalked it up to my imagination or possibly combining several things into one. I did eventually find out it was a real thing although no success so far in actually finding it to watch. It followed several generations of the first settlers in Australia. Although it didn’t go back quite that far, there was an Australian ‘Soap’ that I remember from my early teens, and that was ‘The Sullivans’, I remember it mainly because it involved some of the characters going off to fight the Japanese in WW2 and the things they experienced during their service. It was my interest in WW1 / 2 that made me watch a ‘soap opera’ at such a young age, I remember watching it when I came home during the school dinner break, and I wonder why I don’t have any friends 😂 I don’t even know if ‘soap opera’ is a fair description of what it was at the time 🤔 1 Link to comment
AngelaHunter January 15, 2020 Share January 15, 2020 18 minutes ago, OoohMaggie said: but I’m sure the 2013 film was Russian throughout, Right! I just looked it up. Never heard of this one. 18 minutes ago, OoohMaggie said: as for Kretschmann, I can’t feel too sorry for him, he’s a good looking guy who’s made a good living out of the roles he’s portrayed,he was very good in the King Kong movie as I remember. He's always good. He was excellent in the recent movie, "Jungle" with Harry Potter playing the real-life person telling the story. 21 minutes ago, OoohMaggie said: im trying to find a source for ‘come and see’, along with others, I see here it's being re-released. https://theplaylist.net/come-see-2k-restoration-trailer-20191218/ 1 1 Link to comment
AngelaHunter January 16, 2020 Share January 16, 2020 Okay, since the topic is penguins, I will leave this here: A penguin is driving along on a hot summer day when he notices his 'Check Oil' light is on. He gets out of the car and sure enough, the car is leaking oil all over the road. The penguin drives around the corner to a service station and asks the mechanic to take a look at it. The mechanic says he has a few others to look at first, but if he comes back in an hour he can tell the penguin what is wrong with his car. The penguin agrees to wait and waddles away. He finds an ice cream shop and thinks a big bowl of vanilla ice cream will really hit the spot. He sits down at the counter and starts on his ice cream. Of course the poor bugger has no hands so it is rather messy. By the time he is done he has ice cream all over his flippers and his beak - a total mess. He waddles back to the service station and says to the mechanic, "Did you find out what is wrong with my car?" The mechanic replies, "Well, it looks like you've blown a seal" "No no", says the penguin. "It's just ice cream". ------------------ I'll see myself out. 3 1 Link to comment
Nashville January 16, 2020 Share January 16, 2020 10 hours ago, AngelaHunter said: A penguin is driving along on a hot summer day when he notices his 'Check Oil' light is on.<snip> I’ve always loved that joke. 😉😄 1 1 Link to comment
walnutqueen January 16, 2020 Share January 16, 2020 10 hours ago, AngelaHunter said: Okay, since the topic is penguins, I will leave this here: A penguin is driving along on a hot summer day when he notices his 'Check Oil' light is on. He gets out of the car and sure enough, the car is leaking oil all over the road. The penguin drives around the corner to a service station and asks the mechanic to take a look at it. The mechanic says he has a few others to look at first, but if he comes back in an hour he can tell the penguin what is wrong with his car. The penguin agrees to wait and waddles away. He finds an ice cream shop and thinks a big bowl of vanilla ice cream will really hit the spot. He sits down at the counter and starts on his ice cream. Of course the poor bugger has no hands so it is rather messy. By the time he is done he has ice cream all over his flippers and his beak - a total mess. He waddles back to the service station and says to the mechanic, "Did you find out what is wrong with my car?" The mechanic replies, "Well, it looks like you've blown a seal" "No no", says the penguin. "It's just ice cream". ------------------ I'll see myself out. Heh! This deserves to be on the Jokes forum. Do you mind if I quote you and post it there? 1 Link to comment
OoohMaggie January 16, 2020 Share January 16, 2020 (edited) 17 hours ago, AngelaHunter said: I see here it's being re-released. Thanks I’ll keep an eye out, the Janus website is artily uninformative so it’s looking like it’ll have to be a DVD Edited January 16, 2020 by OoohMaggie Link to comment
AngelaHunter January 16, 2020 Share January 16, 2020 9 hours ago, walnutqueen said: This deserves to be on the Jokes forum. Do you mind if I quote you and post it there? Go ahead, but everyone has probably heard it, as it's the best penguin joke ever. 🤣 20 hours ago, icemiser69 said: My favorite penguin cartoon is 8 Ball Bunny. That sounds wild. I must look it up. 1 Link to comment
walnutqueen January 16, 2020 Share January 16, 2020 57 minutes ago, icemiser69 said: That video of the 5 year old girl that was attacked on a school bus in Texas is incredibly sad. Indeed. But what makes it worse is that instead of suspending/firing the driver for ignoring the incident, they transferred him to another route. 2 Link to comment
AngelaHunter January 16, 2020 Share January 16, 2020 1 hour ago, icemiser69 said: That video of the 5 year old girl that was attacked on a school bus in Texas is incredibly sad. I didn't hear about that. I try and avoid the news. I just watched the video and sorry I did. I'm sure the driver will be much more proactive on another route. 😡 2 Link to comment
nachomama January 16, 2020 Share January 16, 2020 Our bus driver used to pull over and yell. My dad gave all teachers and bus drivers permission to slap us around. It was a different time. (2 years ago) :) Carla used to make out with me on the bus...I barfed in Doug Gurley's hair so theres some revenge from a 5 year old on older punk kids! Link to comment
OoohMaggie January 16, 2020 Share January 16, 2020 22 hours ago, icemiser69 said: My favorite penguin cartoon is 8 Ball Bunny. Am I the only person who wishes somebody had the talent to show Elmer Fudd putting both barrels through Bunny’s head? Or Wile E stripping the flesh from Road Runners bones, never mind Sylvester having a Tweetie Pie Shish Kebab, I’m sure I’ve missed one. 2 Link to comment
OoohMaggie January 16, 2020 Share January 16, 2020 1 hour ago, AngelaHunter said: Go ahead, but everyone has probably heard it, as it's the best penguin joke ever. 🤣 It’s a new one on me 😂 2 1 Link to comment
nachomama January 16, 2020 Share January 16, 2020 I know a polar bear joke, and maybe 2 others that I can actually tell well. I'm a shitty joke teller. People laugh at me all the time but not cuz I'm telling jokes. 2 Link to comment
Nashville January 16, 2020 Share January 16, 2020 1 hour ago, OoohMaggie said: It’s a new one on me 😂 I’m pretty sure that’s what the penguin said. 😁 3 Link to comment
AngelaHunter January 17, 2020 Share January 17, 2020 4 hours ago, nachomama said: I know a polar bear joke Let's hear it! 1 Link to comment
nachomama January 17, 2020 Share January 17, 2020 How do you catch a polar bear? You cut a hole in the ice and place peas in a circle around the hole. When the polar bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole my other jokes are dirty. 2 Link to comment
Nashville January 17, 2020 Share January 17, 2020 Here’s another bear joke for you - mind you it’s not specifically a polar bear, but you can make it so if it suits you: A bear and a rabbit are side-by-side, taking a shit in the woods.* The bear says to the rabbit, “Do you ever have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?” The rabbit says, “No, I never have that problem.” So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit. ———- * Another age-old question answered, btw. 3 1 Link to comment
nachomama January 17, 2020 Share January 17, 2020 Spoiler A rich man and a poor man are talking about their recent anniversaries. the rich man says he bought his wife a diamond bracelet and a bmw, that way if she doesn’t like the bracelet she can drive herself back to the store to return it. the poor man says he bought his wife a pair of shoes and a dildo, that way if she doesn’t like the shoes, she can go fuck herself. Good thing those Charmin bears make toilet paper now. That poor rabbit. 2 Link to comment
walnutqueen January 17, 2020 Share January 17, 2020 Y'all are on FIRE! I'm sharing these jokes with the peeps (they liked the penguin joke). All my jokes are old, and have been posted on the jokes thread, so I'll just share my latest : On 10/25/2019 at 5:56 PM, walnutqueen said: Two blondes walk into a building. You'd think one of them would have seen it. 4 1 Link to comment
Nashville January 17, 2020 Share January 17, 2020 Not to interrupt the joke fest, but... So, I dozed off tonight watching The Expendables 2 - not a commentary on the movie btw, I was just tired as fuck - and when I regained consciousness, what’s the first thing I should see...? You guessed it - an Adam and Eve infomercial. And as my sleep-deadened eyes watched while some cheerily chirpy blonde waved some pulsating pink nightmare with more moving parts than a ‘59 Chevy at the camera while she extolled its many virtues, it occurred to me: if I was in her place and my very existence depended upon nightly descriptions of things to stick between my legs or up my ass or wherever, then a bullet to the brainpan might start to look like a kindness. We now return you to your regular station programming. 3 Link to comment
AngelaHunter January 17, 2020 Share January 17, 2020 4 hours ago, Nashville said: You guessed it - an Adam and Eve infomercial. I have no idea what that is, and I swear I am NOT looking it up. I'm still traumatized from when I decided I needed to know what a "humbler" was. 😖 6 hours ago, walnutqueen said: On 10/25/2019 at 8:56 PM, walnutqueen said: Two blondes walk into a building. You'd think one of them would have seen it. 😄 We have a jokes thread? 8 hours ago, Nashville said: So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit. I first heard that many years ago. Laughed my fool head off. 8 hours ago, nachomama said: A rich man and a poor man are talking about their recent anniversaries. the rich man says he bought his wife a diamond bracelet and a bmw, that way if she doesn’t like the bracelet she can drive herself back to the store to return it. the poor man says he bought his wife a pair of shoes and a dildo, that way if she doesn’t like the shoes, she can go fuck herself. OMG, Tony Soprano told that joke and it's still hilarious. 😂 2 Link to comment
walnutqueen January 17, 2020 Share January 17, 2020 43 minutes ago, AngelaHunter said: 😄 We have a jokes thread? Yes, indeedy. It's in Everything Else : https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/32544-jokes/page/11/?tab=comments#comment-5871687 Have a few laughs on me. 1 1 Link to comment
walnutqueen January 17, 2020 Share January 17, 2020 20 minutes ago, icemiser69 said: The Breaking Bad marathon starts this Sunday on AMC. Woot, woot! I'm clearing my DVR in anticipation of yet another rewatch. 1 Link to comment
nachomama January 17, 2020 Share January 17, 2020 I can’t for the life of me remember my other joke. I only got the two in my repertoire. I need em. Gotta be able to entertain when I’m in the old folks home. Link to comment
OoohMaggie January 17, 2020 Share January 17, 2020 (edited) 8 hours ago, Nashville said: You guessed it - an Adam and Eve infomercial. Well I had to look it up, it all seemed very tame, although I was offered 50% off almost any one item 🤔 and no less than 10 free gifts............ where’s my credit card! Edited January 17, 2020 by OoohMaggie 3 Link to comment
AngelaHunter January 17, 2020 Share January 17, 2020 3 hours ago, walnutqueen said: Yes, indeedy. It's in Everything Else : https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/32544-jokes/page/11/?tab=comments#comment-5871687 Have a few laughs on me. Thanks for sending me down that wormhole! "Too lazy to build a snowman." 😄 1 Link to comment
walnutqueen January 17, 2020 Share January 17, 2020 29 minutes ago, AngelaHunter said: Thanks for sending me down that wormhole! "Too lazy to build a snowman." 😄 You're most welcome. I like to share. Misery loves company. ;~) That's where I go whenever I need a good laugh; I've probably posted most of the jokes I can remember there, too. 1 1 Link to comment
Nashville January 17, 2020 Share January 17, 2020 29 minutes ago, icemiser69 said: Don't forget the lubricant. Plenty of lubricant. You did say you weren't dating anyone. Make sure you have plenty of lube on hand, literally.😁 2 Link to comment
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