The Quotes Thread Rises

[MarkHB]

Bullock: NO.

Gordon: Harvey, the victim deserves justice.

Bullock: Yeah, and I deserve a supermodel who likes pasty Irish guys and loves to cook. It's not happening.

ElectricBoogaloo, it was actually "... I deserve a mute supermodel..." .  :D

[ratgirlagogo]

As usual Bullock gets all the zingers.  I especially liked the "let me say it in Spanish" line.

Edited April 17, 2015 by ratgirlagogo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Selina: Everyone's staring at us.
Bruce: Well, I AM Bruce Wayne.

Gordon: Was this the guy?
Selina: That's kind of a crappy drawing.

Edited November 8, 2016 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Alfred: Still looking for secrets, are we, sir? Or just breaking stuff?

Loeb: Hope is for losers.

Barbara: Are you scared? What about now?

Bruce: My intuition's nearly always correct.
Alfred: That's a common delusion, I find. Arkham's full of men whose intuition was always correct.

Bruce: Marcus Aurelius! Marcus Aurelius!
Alfred: What about him?
Bruce: He was a Roman emperor.
Alfred: Yes, I'm fully aware of that, Master Bruce.

Edited November 8, 2016 by ElectricBoogaloo

[paigow]

Bruce: Marcus Aurelius! Marcus Aurelius!

Alfred: What about him?

Bruce: He was a Roman emperor.

Alfred: Yes, I'm fully aware of that, Master Bruce.

Getting close to "Airplane / Naked Gun" territory here....

 

Alfred: [looking down the BatStairs] Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit drinking!

Edited May 5, 2015 by paigow

[Chaos Theory]

Barbara:  (about her parents)  But to be fair to them they simply didn't understand me.  They have no clue who I am.  Even when I was killing them they just gaped at me like fools.  No understanding,

Leslie:  Barbara, Jason Lennon killed your parents.  You didn't kill them.

BarbaraL  Yes I did.  I stabbed them several times and then I slit their throats.  

[MarkHB]

Fish: He vexed me.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Nygma: Stop doing that!
Mirror Nygma: What?
Nygma: That! Copying me!
Mirror Nygma: It's a mirror. That's how they work.

Jerome: Hi, gorgeous. I'm Jerome.
Barbara: Keep moving, ginger.
Jerome: Just being polite. So what you in for?
Barbara: Killing my parents.
Jerome: Me too!

Jim: You'd do the same thing, wouldn't you?
Harvey: Me, I'd serve a sandwich to Beelzebub, but that's just me.

Harvey: Look at me now! I'm sober. I have a woman who does not dislike me.

Jim: You two are dirty. What have you been doing?

Bruce: Are you not sacrificing the greater good for the sake of your dignity and self-esteem? For vanity?
Alfred: Steady on now, Master Bruce. Manners.

Alfred: Fertilizer! What is your game?
Bruce: I would have thought that's obvious to a man of your perception.
Alfred: I mean, a bomb inside the house? I mean, you're having a laugh. A bomb?
Bruce: I was going to tell you. I wanted to present it as a fait accompli.
Alfred: Don't start talking French to me! You don't know the first thing about bomb making anyway, do you?
Bruce: I read a book, Alfred. It seemed simple enough!

Bruce: I'm building a bomb to blow down that door. You may assist me or not, as you wish. But if not, some tea would be nice.

Penguin: Do you have any peanut butter?

Barbara: I am not a brilliant outlaw. I just have issues.

Bruce reading his father's letter: "If you are reading this then I'm dead and you figured out that the entry code is BRUCE."

Edited November 8, 2016 by ElectricBoogaloo

[Delphi]

Victor: Should I kill him now?

Penguin: no you should make him a cheese toasty - yes kill him now!

Victor:-cocks gun- Just wanted to be sure...

[DollEyes]

Jim, to Barbara, after she threatened Leslie over the phone: "You're sick. Good-bye."

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Bruce: You expect me to walk home?

Alfred: No, I expect you to run.

[Actionmage]

Bruce: You expect me to walk home?

Alfred: No, I expect you to run.

 

I keep hearing a tacked on "...Mr. Bond!" at the end.  *sigh* Some days I feel really old.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Bridgit: It's nice to have someone who cares about me. Thank you.
Selina: I don't care. I just think you're being dumb.

Harvey: Ginger to ginger.

Leslie: How old are you?
Selina: Old enough to shoot you.

Edited November 8, 2016 by ElectricBoogaloo

[DollEyes]

Nygma, from "Tonight's The Night": "For a secluded forest, this place sure gets a lot of foot traffic."

Edited November 12, 2015 by DollEyes

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Eduardo: Why just smell the fear on your victim when you can taste it?

The Lady: Are you on a job?
Eduardo: It's not a job if you love what you do.

Eduardo: I thought my membership was revoked.
The Lady: Bygones, darling. Live and let live. So you eat people. Who am I to judge?

Alfred: You really are the most terrible liar, aren't you, Master Bruce?

Edited November 8, 2016 by ElectricBoogaloo

[DollEyes]

Jim, introducing Lucius & Selina to each other: "Fox, Cat. Cat, Fox."

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Butch: I'm smarter than I look.
Tabitha: Oh, you must be.

Jim: That's it? No hug? No kiss? No "welcome back"?
Harvey: You don't deserve these lips.

Barnes: Silence! What are you? A bunch of cheerleaders?

Hugo Strange: I will ask you to refrain from making speeches atop cafeteria tables in the future.
Penguin: I'll do my best.

Penguin: My mother died in my arms because of Galavan. The only thing I regret is that I couldn't kill him more than once.

Edited November 8, 2016 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Bruce: Is it loaded?
Selina: Ain't no point in an unloaded gun. Guns aren't for show, Bruce. And they're not for protection. They're only for one thing.

Alfred: A geezer called Cupcake. I suspect there's irony at play there.

Alfred: Pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Cupcake.

Harvey: For a butler, you sure do get beat up a lot.
Jim: What happened?
Alfred: We got the name of the man who killed Bruce's parents.
Harvey: We're the cops. Thank you for sharing this with us. When were you going to tell us?!

Alfred: I told [Bruce] not to. I said, "You're too young for killing." I said him I'd do it for him.
Harvey: Again, we're the cops. Do not tell us stuff like this!

Geri: Killing people isn't all that easy. Have you killed people before?
Bruce: No, but no one's killed my parents before.

Jim: Where is Bruce Wayne?
Geri: You are so angry. I'm sensing a personal relationship, like maybe a surrogate father kind of thing.
Jim: Where is he? This is going to go a lot better for you if you don't make me angry.
Geri: Angry is your natural state, isn't it? You are the infamous Jim Gordon. Everybody knows about your temper.

Geri: You are a lot less fun than advertised.

Matches Malone: I charge double for women, triple for kids. No babies.

Edited November 8, 2016 by ElectricBoogaloo

[Jediknight]

Sonny: "Call me a coward again."

Bruce: "You're a coward. An ignorant brutish..."

*Sonny punches Bruce*

 

*After being beaten down by Sonny*

Bruce: "An ignorant brutish cowardly clown."

 

Selina: "I think Sonny's right, you do like pain."

Bruce: "When it was happening, it was like nothing else existed.  Everything I've been struggling with, emptiness and confusion, it just vanished.  And for the first time in a long time, I knew I was going to be okay.  I knew that whatever Sonny did to me, I could take it, that he couldn't break me, that no one can."

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Barnes: You're not smart enough to play dumb.

Selina: Rich people have great water pressure.

Edited April 16, 2016 by ElectricBoogaloo

[MarkHB]

Selina: Great, now I have a dead cop in my crib.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Valerie: When are you going to give up this PI act? So far you've had two cases. One girl died and the other one - well, you never found her. In baseball, we call it an 0-fer.
Jim: I'm happy.
Valerie: Of course you are. You get to drink scotch all day and have sex with me.

Edited October 25, 2016 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Harvey: We got a call. Warehouse district. You coming?
Jim: That's it? No "welcome back"?
Harvey: Please, if we had a big to-do every time you came back to GCPD, we'd never catch any bad guys.

[Jediknight]

Barbara: "Can't we bury the hatchet?  So I came at you with a knife, kidnapped you, whatever.  I've forgiven you for beating me unconscious, water under the bridge."

[Jediknight]

Zsasz: "I don't try, and I never stop.  You won't see me coming, and you won't feel a thing.  If we don't get a chance to talk before then, it's been really nice knowing you.  You're a good egg.  Also, nice shot on Mario, never liked him."

Falcone: "Relax Zsasz, job's canceled.  You can go home."
Zsasz: "Okay boss."

Edited January 17, 2017 by Jediknight

[Cigale]

Barbara to Penguin/Mayor Cobblepot: "So get up, take a shower, do that disco-vampire thing with your hair."

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Harvey: I'll get the strike force.
Jim: I'll get the car.
Lucius: I'll just...stay here.

[Chaos Theory]

Jim:  For the record,  you're doing the one thing Jerome never did.  Boring me.

Jerome:  Wow!  You miss a lot being dead.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Harvey: You want to get a drink?
Jim: It's noon.
Harvey: I didn't ask you what time it was. I asked if you wanted to get a drink.

[paigow]

Not a quote, but the sight gag of Harvey behind the wheel without a door was funny.

And Jim ripping the door off reminded me of Commando 

[DollEyes]

Alfred, to Bruce & Selina: "Why can't you two go to the cinema like normal teenagers?" 

[Last Time Lord]

8 hours ago, DollEyes said:

Alfred, to Bruce & Selina: "Why can't you two go to the cinema like normal teenagers?" 

Line of the episode, right there. 

[DR14]

10 hours ago, DollEyes said:

Alfred, to Bruce & Selina: "Why can't you two go to the cinema like normal teenagers?" 

I was a bit worried there would still be some resentment towards Selina by Alfred and that he'd show it in that scene.

Thankfully there wasn't and the writers decided to punt it for another day if it comes up again.  It would have been out of place there.

Edited September 23, 2017 by DR14

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Myrtle: What's black and white and red all over?
Ed: Easy. Zebra - with a gaping hole. Next.
Myrtle: No, it's actually a newspaper.
Ed: That's ridiculous. There's nothing red in a newspaper. Next.
Myrtle: I have a face and two hands but no arms or legs. What am I?
Ed: A deformed baby.

Alfred: Let's go over the plan again.
Bruce: It's simple. I show up at the auction and buy the knife. Should be easy enough. I am a billionaire.

Alfred: Play the role that you were born to play - that of a privileged, somewhat pedantic teenager with deeper pockets than anybody else in this city.
Bruce: You mean behave like a spoiled brat.
Alfred: It goes against everything that your parents tried to ingrain in you, but yes.
Bruce: Bruce Wayne, billionaire brat.

Bruce: $250 thousand!
Auctioneer: $250 thousand! Going once, twice, sold to Mr. Bruce Wayne.
Bruce: That's what I'm talking about! I love art! I'm going to put it in my bathroom!
Alfred: Steady on, Master Bruce. Let's not overplay our hand, shall we?
Bruce: I must admit this is fun.

Bruce: Oswald, my friend!
Oswald: Bruce Wayne, what a lovely surprise. You certainly are getting out quite a lot these days, aren't you?
Bruce: The way I see it, everyone else in this town is having fun. Why shouldn't I?
Oswald: I agree. You and your insanely large bank account are more than welcome here.
Bruce: Barbara Kean. I thought she died.
Oswald: Unfortunately, nobody stays dead in this town.

Auctioneer: The next item up for auction is an embalming knife from the tomb of King Balahsi of Sumeria. Opening bid will begin at fifty thousand dollars.
Barbara: A hundred thousand dollars.
Bruce: One hundred thousand and one dollar.
Auctioneer: Actually, Mr. Wayne, the bidding amounts are in fifty thousand dollar increments.
Barbara: Two hundred thousand dollars.
Bruce: Two hundred thousand and one dollar.
Barbara: Mr. Wayne, how about you let someone else have some fun?
Bruce: Oh, sure! No problem. I'm sorry about that.
Barbara: Three hundred thousand.
Bruce: Three hundred thousand dollars and one cent.
Barbara: Five hundred thousand. Now back off, you little brat.
Bruce: Wow, Miss Kean. That's a lot of money - for someone like you. Two million dollars!
Oswald: Sold to Mr. Bruce Wayne!
Barbara: Congratulations, Bruce.
Bruce: Thank you.
Oswald: I do love seeing that woman lose!

Myrtle: The ice broke [Ed's] brain.
Oswald: What are you talking about?
Myrtle: What's green and red and goes round and round?
Zazz: Frog in a blender!

Edited October 14, 2017 by ElectricBoogaloo

[Miss Dee]

Man, that episode had some funny scenes.

[Danielg342]

8 hours ago, ElectricBoogaloo said:

Bruce: Three hundred thousand dollars and one cent.

I think this should be amended to read "Three hundred thousand!...and one cent!" because that's how Bruce played it.

Another Bruce quote I liked:

Bruce [nonchalantly]: I spent two million dollars on it, I'd like to keep it.

[Last Time Lord]

While the most recent episode was a rather downer, overall, one of my favorite moments was the detective Gordon called (I forget her name) asking how Ra’s al-Ghul was spelled before Gordon hung up the phone. 

In second place is pretty much everything Zsasz said. 

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Jim: How ya been?
Bullock: Awesome.

Barbara: Now there's no reason to ever be alone in this city again. The Sirens club is back with a passion.
Tabitha: Ladies drink for free whilst men don't.
Selina: You'll like it. It's nice.

Jim: Someone hired Griffin Krank to kill [Lee] this morning. You really think they won't do it again? 
Ed: Krank?
Jim: A toymaker, but also an assassin.
Ed: That is so Gotham.

Man: Hey. Little lord fuddy duddy. 
Alfred: It's Fauntleroy. 
Man: What?
Alfred: Little Lord Fauntleroy by Frances Hodgson Burnett. A tad saccharin for my tastes but -
Man: Shut up. Wallet, watch, jewelry.
Alfred: Absolutely not. I mean, you're a big man, but you're out of shape. And you're what? You're three beers in already?

[Last Time Lord]

Nygma: Oh, come on, Jim, don’t be grumpy. 

I don’t know why that made me laugh as hard as it did. 

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Harvey: I had a thought.
Jim: I'll alert the press.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Jim: I'll take the next floor. You do the basement.
Harvey: Oh, check out the basement in a creepy hotel by myself? Sure. What could go wrong, right?

[bettername2come]

Rewatching, so from season 2

Selina: You're cute for a doctor.

Lee: You're cute for a gangster.

[jhlipton]

1 hour ago, bettername2come said:

Lee: You're cute for a gangster.

She really is!

[bettername2come]

Penguin: See, I will not buy this whole uber-villain nonsense. I mean, if he wanted to wear leather, he should just wear leather. This is Gotham City. No one cares, right?

 

Bruce: I led you into this mess. I wss self-righteous and arrogant and manipulative. I used you and I'm sorry.

Selina: Like you can use me. I got you wrapped around my pinky. Always have.

Bruce: Be that as it may, if you can escape, do it.

Selina: Manipulative. As if.

 

Selina: Why do you have to kill them? Why are you so mean?

[bettername2come]

Bruce: Don't get shot in the face? Got it!

[bettername2come]

Selina: Bruce, I'm gonna be here whenever you need me. 

[bettername2come]

Selina: You scared, Bruce?

Bruce: Of course I'm scared. Jeremiah shot you to get to me. He almost killed you. I won't lose you.

Selina: I'm not yours to lose. 

~

Selina: Whose side are you on, Bruce?

Bruce: Yours. Always.

~

Ecco: Bruce Wayne and his sidekick, Curls. Or is he the sidekick? 

Edited February 12, 2019 by bettername2come