S05.E24: Tell All Part 3

[TwirlyGirly]

Tell All Part 3

Edited December 19, 2023 by TwirlyGirly

[Boxer Woman]

How is this episode currently already downloaded to my computer if it hasn't even aired on TV yet?  I haven't had TV service in decades, view everything for free online, just wondering how this works.

[JeanJean]

Gotta say, I like Danielle after this season and I feel sad for her. There is still the matter of her going back on bringing Yohan to the US but I'm letting it go for this season.

It's nice having a tell-all without Ed or anyone else being an attention-hogging brat.

Edited December 19, 2023 by JeanJean
adding something

[anoninrva]

I wonder if they deliberately choose Andreii because he's a bigger dick than any of the other males on this season?  Ironically, he's the only one of the four alumni who's actually in a functioning marriage.

Shekinah does seem like a stepford wife, but she still has a lot of composure and self-respect.  I admired the way she stood up to Andreii.  Kimberly, conversely, seems to have the emotional maturity of a young teen.

[TwirlyGirly]

1 hour ago, Boxer Woman said:

How is this episode currently already downloaded to my computer if it hasn't even aired on TV yet?  I haven't had TV service in decades, view everything for free online, just wondering how this works.

I don't know which streaming service you use, but I typically stream it through MAX rather than watching it on TLC on TV because with MAX there aren't any commercials.

The streaming companies get the entire season at once, and I think TLC asks them not to post each new episode until the day after it airs (I suspect because they want people to watch it on TV so they'll get the ad revenue), but apparently the streaming services don't have to abide by that.

On MAX, each episode is available to be streamed at the same time the episode starts on TV. 

 

[Tango64]

Sarper’s eyes look sad. 

[JeanJean]

56 minutes ago, anoninrva said:

I wonder if they deliberately choose Andreii because he's a bigger dick than any of the other males on this season?  Ironically, he's the only one of the four alumni who's actually in a functioning marriage.

Shekinah does seem like a stepford wife, but she still has a lot of composure and self-respect.  I admired the way she stood up to Andreii.  Kimberly, conversely, seems to have the emotional maturity of a young teen.

I actually like Andrei. The problems between he and Libby mostly came from his family. And I do agree that his voice is strong and it can be mistaken as aggressive. Also, for some people on the show, English is a second language. and they may not have the nuance in speaking that born-here Americans have.

In fairness, Kimberly is barely out of her teens. And Jenny was unnecessarily aggressive with her, which surprised me as I don't think of Jenny as aggressive.

I would rather see Sarper and Andrei end up as friends than fight.

Edited December 19, 2023 by JeanJean

[anoninrva]

6 minutes ago, JeanJean said:

I actually like Andrei. The problems between he and Libby mostly came from his family. And I do agree that his voice is strong and it can be mistaken as aggressive. Also, for some people on the show, English is a second language. and they may not have the nuance in speaking that born-here Americans have.

I do like Andrei, but I still think he's too aggressive, and that confrontation in particular, he was in the wrong.

You're not wrong about Kim or Jenny.  I just found it difficult to sympathize with her *behavior* during the tell-all.

[TwirlyGirly]

1 hour ago, anoninrva said:

Shekinah does seem like a stepford wife, but she still has a lot of composure and self-respect.  I admired the way she stood up to Andreii.  Kimberly, conversely, seems to have the emotional maturity of a young teen.

I hate to disagree with you, anoninrva, but...I have to disagree with you! 😉

The others were right when they said to Shekinah in the break room that while she's quick to point out faults in all of them, she doesn't admit to or take responsibility for any of her own. What you call "self-respect", I call narcissism.

Andrei got up to talk to Shekinah because  Sarper had said — and Shekinah had agreed — Andrei was toxic and his marriage was toxic.

Andrei said to Shekinah:

"If you're saying I'm toxic, I wanna see why I'm toxic about."

I've consulted my handy-dandy Andrei to English translation app, and this roughly translates to:

"I want to know what the comments Sarper made — and that you agreed with — were based upon. I want examples of things I may have said or done that led you to believe I and/or my marriage are toxic."

But instead of answering the question, Shekinah gaslighted Andrei. 

First she asked Andrei: "Why do you like to challenge women?" (Why do you think women should be immune to having what they've said or agreed with challenged, Shekinah?)

Then: "Why are you attacking me?" (Asking for evidence supporting someone's attack of somebody else isn't an "attack". But agreeing with what Sarper said about Andrei qualifies as you attacking Andrei, Shekinah).

Then she said Andrei was "confusing" her (THAT I believe; all of Shekinah's brain power had been focused on gaslighting Andrei, so by that point she had forgotten the one question Andrei had asked her — the one question that was the sole reason he'd gotten up and gone over to her to ask in the first place).

Finally she told him to "go sit down" and to "get out of [her] face".  (Andrei had been standing five — or more — feet away during the entire conversation. That's more like "social distancing" than being in someone's face, Shekinah).

Later she told Sarper Andrei had "shout[ed] at [her]" — but he hadn't. In addition to being a master gaslighter, Shekinah loves to play the victim, and if she can stir the pot a bit while doing so all the better. She'd love it if Sarper and Andrei met up and got into a fight. 

Kimberly and TJ:

Before marrying TJ, Kimberly had learned all about the responsibilities of DILs to their husband's family. She'd been clear with TJ about which of these responsibilities she'd assume after they married and which she would not.

TJ told Kimberly what she wanted wouldn't be a problem — but privately TJ said he was waiting until after they married to fill her in on what she had to do. (Fun fact: TJ lied to Kimberly so she'd marry him, and thought once they married she'd have to do whatever he — and his family — expected of her).

Since Kimberly was honest with TJ, but TJ lied to her to get her to marry him, I think Kimberly's emotional maturity is at least a decade ahead of TJ's. 

Edited December 19, 2023 by TwirlyGirly
Spelling

[JeanJean]

30 minutes ago, TwirlyGirly said:

 

Andrei said to Shekinah:

"If you're saying I'm toxic, I wanna see why I'm toxic about."

I've consulted my handy-dandy Andrei to English translation app, and this roughly translates to:

"I want to know what the comments Sarper made — and that you agreed with — were based upon. I want examples of things I may have said or done that led you to believe I and/or my marriage are toxic."

 

This. I felt like he was genuinely wondering, not attacking. His voice is the way it is, but I didn't feel he was hostile until she was consistently hostile.

Sekinah is very defensive from the get-go. Maybe that's from growing up in a cult. (I'd forgotten that.) 

Edited December 19, 2023 by JeanJean

[Cementhead]

Sarper is not wrong.  Mary is a manipulator who plays the victim to get her way.  I would say she is a master at it.  She even has Brandon convinced that her posted ass videos are aids to help her with her low self-esteem.  She is married to an American now, you see and feels pressure to live up to the impossible American beauty standards.  🙄🙄 

She has abandonment issues for sure, that stem from her parents leaving her that she needs help with but will no doubt never seek, but her controlling, manipulative behaviour stems from being cheated on what sounds like 100s of times by past boyfriends which I don't even get because these two were barely even adults when they met.  Two damaged kids who had shitty childhoods joined together by the internet for a lifetime of misery.  Ain't technology grand?

Sarper and Shekinah do have a weird master-servant thing going but they are grown ass adults and they both clearly identify and acknowledge it so who cares.  People are weird.  If Sarper is willing to look at her horrifying face every day then have it.  If Shekinah wants to be told what to eat and what to wear then go ahead.  She doesn't want a nice, normal safe guy like Dan the Man because he probably treats her like an equal and doesn't tell her when to brush her teeth.  That doesn't work for her.  She'd rather be the current X in plastic action figure man's book.  Fine.  Go do it. 

Does Kalani have a point about her choosing this because of her growing up in a religious environment?  Probably. And is it a red flag that she doesn't talk to her family now?  Yes.  But who knows, at their end, maybe they are all happy to be rid of her and the drama that she brings into their lives.  She's not some young, innocent ingenue.  This is the 40 year old woman who's giant relationship crisis was that her greasy internet boyfriend wouldn't post her picture on his Instagram account.  Go live your plastic life with your creepy plastic boyfriend and live happily ever after until you finally realize that he has been cheating on you this entire time.  Enjoy it while you can and until you can be on next season's The Single Life.  

That's all I got.

This was actually the best Tell All out of all the seasons.  There was some actual telling all going on.  Imagine that.

[Tango64]

Andrei can't help how his voice and accent can make his words seem more aggressive than he might intend, but he should know by now that his physical presence can be intimidating. Looming over a seated Shekinah and insisting on answers from her was not a good look. She held her own, but if that happened to my partner I'd stand up and tell the guy to back off. I was wondering if Sarper could see that and why he didn't say something.

(I'm a big guy myself and I'm conscious that it's easy to come off as threatening even when  I don't intend to, especially with women in vulnerable positions like walking alone at night, etc.) 

[IvySpice]

Mother Brandan was struggling to keep her lunch down watching the videos of classic Mary. Whatever rehab she's been in, they did a good job and she's working the shit out of her program. You could practically see her thinking: "the serenity to accept the things I cannot change..." before smiling at Mary and praising her.

Mary was damn good at changing the subject. "You can't criticize me for shaking my ass online, Shekinah, because you do it too." The apt comparator is not Shekinah, it's BRANDAN. You have set up a double standard in your relationship, and you won't acknowledge it even though it's obvious. Just a reminder, Brandan, that people with personality disorders do not change.

Quote

Sarper and Shekinah do have a weird master-servant thing going but they are grown ass adults.  If Sarper is willing to look at her horrifying face every day then have it.  If Shekinah wants to be told what to eat and what to wear then go ahead. She'd rather be the current X in plastic action figure man's book.  Fine.  Go do it. 

Yes. They are actually grown, they aren't bringing any vulnerable babies into this relationship (thank you, Shekinah!) and they aren't financially dependent on anybody else, so they can have whatever sick isolating relationship they want. Mary and Brandan, on the other hand...

[anoninrva]

11 hours ago, TwirlyGirly said:

The others were right when they said to Shekinah in the break room that while she's quick to point out faults in all of them, she doesn't admit to or take responsibility for any of her own. What you call "self-respect", I call narcissism.

..

Kimberly and TJ:

..

Since Kimberly was honest with TJ, but TJ lied to her to get her to marry him, I think Kimberly's emotional maturity is at least a decade ahead of TJ's. 

This is fair, but I think all people are more capable of pointing out faults in others than accepting their own faults.  You have a point about misdirection too, but I see that as further proof that Shekinah is more controlled and intentional than the other guests this season.

Likewise, I wholeheartedly agree that TJ is the villain in this scenario, but he wasn't the villain of the *show*.   Kimberly's sticking her tongue out at Shekinah was straight out of jr high school.  Most of her interactions with the rest of the cast were similarly immature.

[libgirl2]

12 hours ago, JeanJean said:

I actually like Andrei. The problems between he and Libby mostly came from his family. And I do agree that his voice is strong and it can be mistaken as aggressive. Also, for some people on the show, English is a second language. and they may not have the nuance in speaking that born-here Americans have.

In fairness, Kimberly is barely out of her teens. And Jenny was unnecessarily aggressive with her, which surprised me as I don't think of Jenny as aggressive.

I would rather see Sarper and Andrei end up as friends than fight.

I thought Kimberly was older than that. 

[Shrek]

13 hours ago, JeanJean said:

In fairness, Kimberly is barely out of her teens. And Jenny was unnecessarily aggressive with her, which surprised me as I don't think of Jenny as aggressive.

 

She's 30 years old so nowhere near "barely out of her teens", even if she acts 12.

Edited December 19, 2023 by Shrek

[Eme]

Mary likely wants to come to the US to get the Money For Nothing all Americans get. Coughnotsomuchcough. 
It’s gotta be better than the 75cent profits at the store.

Kim is 30 and should have googled Indian Traditional Families before she agreed to get married. She lived there for a while but managed to live in a bubble.  Weird! No friends to talk to about the culture? No attempt to learn the language? I suspect she sat in her room on the phone all day until TJ arrived so she could complain about being alone. Her language at the Tell-All was appalling.  She’s too old to act the Rebellious Teen.  

Shekinah and Sarper deserve each other.  
 
Julio seems to have moved on from Kirsten once His Family put the kiboch on his moving to Europe. He didn’t end it well and I’m not convinced the Dude she was talking to wasn’t just a friend.  Her broken-hearted crying convinced me and  he was cold blooded about it.  She’s better off without him. 

Danielle RUN!  Get out of the DR snd find a spot in the US.  Yohan’s liaisons will only continue to humiliate you on that island.  Cut your losses and Move On.

[1011101010001]

On 12/18/2023 at 10:37 PM, JeanJean said:

I actually like Andrei. The problems between he and Libby mostly came from his family.

I think you mean her family.

[Scarlett45]

I left the 90 Day Universe for a while, but I think this series of tell-alls was one of better ones. It was entertaining and we got a fair amount of interaction and perspective between cast members. 

[Chalby]

Andre was completely in the wrong when he went up to Shekinah. Shekinah has never said anyone specific was toxic, but she'll identify toxic situations. Really, she mostly talked about her and Sarper's (forgot spelling) relationship. Why Andre felt the need to confront her and put her down because she supported her mate is beyond me. I never could stand him, and I see he still gravitates towards confronting, mansplaining, then angrily cursing at her, when she wouldn't discuss the issue. I do admit I loved his reaction when she asked him, "Why are you coming up on me? I'm not talking to you, go sit down".

And I agree, he wasn't shouting at her, but he was way too full of himself to think he could offer an objective opinion on anyone's relationship.

Especially not after his feelings got so butthurt after Sarper said he was toxic. Who goes after a woman for what her mate says?

Edited December 24, 2023 by Chalby

[Scarlett45]

How Andre approached Shekina just wasn’t socially appropriate. It just wasn’t. 

1 hour ago, Chalby said:

I do admit I loved his reaction when she asked him, "Why are you coming up on me? I'm not talking to you, go sit down".

I liked that too. 
 

Sarper and Shekina are both consenting adults and can do what they want, I don’t think Shekina thinks everyone should behave the way she does, and she did try to be objective and speak respectfully to the other members. Only Danielle (shocker) and Kenny criticized her in an appropriate manner (Kenny does try to be the voice of reason for everyone). 
 

I also liked what Armando had to say to Yohan. Yohan is a jerk, and Danielle didn’t deliver on their deal, but I think she was genuinely hurt because had real feelings for him. (Not love exactly but I think she did like him) For Yohan it was purely transactional. 

[Chalby]

19 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

Not love exactly but I think she did like him) For Yohan it was purely transactional. 

I think that Danielle was so fixated on how attractive Yohan was (for her) she became laser focused on getting him to marry her, no matter what. I think she enjoyed having him on her arm, as I'm sure Danielle doesn't have a history of of dating 6'4" handsome, fit men who are 10+ years younger sadly, she soon met Jekyll Yohan, whose insides make his outside appearance ugly.

[Chalby]

I find it amusing that Danielle, Tanya, and Kalani all feel the need to tell Shekinah they're worried about her and yet she has more confidence than all three of them put together. Shekinah is not being manipulated or brainwashed or anything; she is calling all the shots in that relationship as she has in all her past relationships. The girl knows what she's doing I'm surprised everyone believes she's being placed in an abusive situation.

[Scarlett45]

8 hours ago, Chalby said:

I find it amusing that Danielle, Tanya, and Kalani all feel the need to tell Shekinah they're worried about her and yet she has more confidence than all three of them put together. Shekinah is not being manipulated or brainwashed or anything; she is calling all the shots in that relationship as she has in all her past relationships. The girl knows what she's doing I'm surprised everyone believes she's being placed in an abusive situation.

I don’t think Shekina is being placed in an abusive situation at all. I think she and Sarper are weird, but they can be weird! I think Sarper is the one benefiting from that relationship though. 
 

 

8 hours ago, Chalby said:

I think that Danielle was so fixated on how attractive Yohan was (for her) she became laser focused on getting him to marry her, no matter what. I think she enjoyed having him on her arm, as I'm sure Danielle doesn't have a history of of dating 6'4" handsome, fit men who are 10+ years younger sadly, she soon met Jekyll Yohan, whose insides make his outside appearance ugly.

Possible- but I also think Danielle bought into the fairytale of running away from her debts and life in the USA. I know beauty is subjective, but there are many men in the USA who would find Danielle attractive and be interested in dating her. Now they likely have full time jobs, and kids from a previous relationship- and they don’t have time to hang out on the beach all day like Yohan did. 

[Chalby]

4 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

Possible- but I also think Danielle bought into the fairytale of running away from her debts and life in the USA. I know beauty is subjective, but there are many men in the USA who would find Danielle attractive and be interested in dating her. Now they likely have full time jobs, and kids from a previous relationship- and they don’t have time to hang out on the beach all day like Yohan did. 

I was reading my comment this morning and I realized it came across a bit harsh. And your response has helped me see that.

Danielle IS a beautiful woman no doubt about that. And you are right, there are so many men, just in the US, who would love to date her. However, many women in their 40s are not going to have a 20-something man fall head over heels in love with them, after a week at a resort, AND want them to get married?

Danielle probably looked at her career and life in New York, and realized she would never feel like she could 'relax' financially and romantically, unless she made a big change. (Hey, by marrying Yohan, does she get to live in his country permanently?)

But, again, I think you're right. This was a fantasy come true for Danielle, but kicking all the coconuts in the world is not going to help her escape her issues and face up to her responsibilities.

Again, when someone tells you who they are, believe them.

It doesn't help that Yohan (who is a horrible, cold hearted user) really piled it on, and made her feel like she was so loved and respected. But even just before her wedding, You could see she was having doubts and maybe even saw the writing on the wall. I felt like she was acting more like a mother than a wife with him.

Edited December 24, 2023 by Chalby

[Scarlett45]

43 minutes ago, Chalby said:

It doesn't help that Yohan (who is a horrible, cold hearted user) really piled it on, and made her feel like she was so loved and respected. But even just before her wedding, You could see she was having doubts and maybe even saw the writing on the wall. I felt like she was acting more like a mother than a wife with him.

I think Danielle wanted to have the upper hand in a romantic relationship for once and thought she could pull the wool over Yohan’s eyes. But I don’t believe she told him “I’ll let you be a kept husband and you’ll never have to work again.”
 

Compare her so someone like Kenny who did financially and socially uplift their younger partner- Kenny is secure in who he is and Armando does treat him well and provides him companionship/love. 
 

Danielle expected Yohan to be “grateful”, but he wasn’t, he could have hit a much better “mark”, which is why he kept looking to do so. I think Danielle would’ve loved to just be married and live in the DR, have sex and hang out with him, but that’s not what Yohan signed up for. 

[Shrek]

All this love for Danielle is ridiculous, she promised him they would move to the US when they were married and then decided to change her mind & go back on what she promised him. He's a grade A dickwad but she deserves everything she gets, don't make a promise you have no intention of keeping just to get a huge dick in you and then complain when you end up with 2 huge dicks. 

[Scarlett45]

18 minutes ago, Shrek said:

All this love for Danielle is ridiculous, she promised him they would move to the US when they were married and then decided to change her mind & go back on what she promised him. He's a grade A dickwad but she deserves everything she gets, don't make a promise you have no intention of keeping just to get a huge dick in you and then complain when you end up with 2 huge dicks. 

As Auntie’s Advice says (a YouTube reaction channel that covers this show) “Karma knows your address!!”

[anoninrva]

44 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

I think Danielle wanted to have the upper hand in a romantic relationship for once and thought she could pull the wool over Yohan’s eyes. But I don’t believe she told him “I’ll let you be a kept husband and you’ll never have to work again.”

Yohan clearly is a scammer, and he was probably piling on the scamming with his fitness instructor job at the resort, which is probably why she wanted him to stop after they got engaged.  So that much is plausible - she just wanted him to get a better job, and he (initially) thought he had finally caught a sugar momma.

[Raja]

On 12/19/2023 at 4:51 AM, Cementhead said:

Sarper is not wrong.  Mary is a manipulator who plays the victim to get her way.  I would say she is a master at it.  She even has Brandon convinced that her posted ass videos are aids to help her with her low self-esteem.  She is married to an American now, you see and feels pressure to live up to the impossible American beauty standards.  🙄🙄

I really doubt that Mary was studying tinikling dance and wearing Maria Clara dresses before Brandan showed up online.  Branching out from Hip-hop street dance was probably her route. Traditional provincial girl seduced by a foreigner's cash doesn't seem like the story I am seeing.

[anoninrva]

3 hours ago, Raja said:

I really doubt that Mary was studying tinikling dance and wearing Maria Clara dresses before Brandan showed up online.  Branching out from Hip-hop street dance was probably her route. Traditional provincial girl seduced by a foreigner's cash doesn't seem like the story I am seeing.

So I had to google, although I should maybe just ask a Pinoy friend, but why would you go to college to learn traditional folk dancing?  Isn't that something you'd just pick up organically?

[Raja]

4 minutes ago, anoninrva said:

So I had to google, although I should maybe just ask a Pinoy friend, but why would you go to college to learn traditional folk dancing?  Isn't that something you'd just pick up organically?

Well any art form will pick up its professionals thinking that their specialty is worthy of study. The ballet of the Fame movie becomes the modern street inspired dancing taught by Debbie Allen on the Fame TV show. Jazz begins as street music but then gets to the university as African American classical music for examples. I  bet Mary was headed more towards a Fly Girls of In Living Color, or a Sex Bomb Girls of a Filipino variety show as the hoped for dancing career rather than the cultural indigenous dance seen in tourists locations 

[Teri313]

I have a hard time taking Andrei too seriously about Sarper and Shakina's relationship as I think back on his and Libby's "traditional" relationship of him being the leader and her being submissive, and her fighting her sisters about wanting to be submissive. How "controlling" he was about not letting her do her bachelorette trip with her sisters. And the way he came into her family swinging at everyone, when they didn't even know him yet. Not to say that her family was great, but he was like a damn caveman. And I do think that Libby is a lot like Shakina. Neither one of them are victims. They stand up for themselves if they feel they need to.

[gaPeach]

On 12/19/2023 at 9:32 PM, Eme said:

Kim is 30 and should have googled Indian Traditional Families before she agreed to get married. She lived there for a while but managed to live in a bubble.  Weird! No friends to talk to about the culture? No attempt to learn the language? I suspect she sat in her room on the phone all day until TJ arrived so she could complain about being alone. Her language at the Tell-All was appalling.  She’s too old to act the Rebellious Teen.

Here again is an entitled brat.  And an American Woman that moves to a predominately Male cultured country and doesn't take it seriously.  I know very little about India but know enough that women do not have the same freedoms we have in America.  She should KNOW this.  Did she really think she could marry into the family and change their culture to American?  She is pretty dumb and immature for her age.

 

[Maximadc]

On 12/24/2023 at 12:03 AM, Chalby said:

I find it amusing that Danielle, Tanya, and Kalani all feel the need to tell Shekinah they're worried about her and yet she has more confidence than all three of them put together. Shekinah is not being manipulated or brainwashed or anything; she is calling all the shots in that relationship as she has in all her past relationships. The girl knows what she's doing I'm surprised everyone believes she's being placed in an abusive situation.

100000%!

[ChristmasJones]

Something I haven't seen mentioned is Mary and Brandon's baby. I found myself even more concerned about their situation after hearing about what happened during the birth. I have a cousin who was born with the cord wrapped around his neck and it lead to him having many disabilities and only functioning at a very young age mentally throughout life. He has a lot of needs, and it was difficult for his parents, who were stable emotionally and financially and had access to good resources in terms of medical and education.  I hope their baby fares better, because they already have a very unstable situation.

[Squishy Tomato]

Well, after spending the series debating which one of sarper and Shekinah I couldn't stand more, I realised during the recap scenes in the tell-all that Sarper is actually hilarious if you don't take anything he says seriously. Just imagine it's  all a big act and he's fooling the other cast members with his book with crosses (I didn't find this offensive as a woman... if it was consensual casual sex... with a stripper that you hired...who cares if he puts an x in a book...)

 

Please can Kenny and Armando host the next tell alll?

[Squishy Tomato]

Also. Can't believe anyone was taken in by Julio and his recording. He KNEW he was recording that conversation and could manipulate it in his favour. I believed Kirsten 100%. I have lots of male friends and yes I send them photos when I'm trying on clothes because sometimes I'm indecisive and would like some external feedback. Doesn't mean I'm dating them or even interested in them romantically.