S17.E01: Auditions 1

[Mr. Sparkle]

First round of auditions begins on Tuesday, May 31st. 

[ams1001]

Oh, god, Jojo Siwa is forming a rainbow glitter army...

[Mr. Sparkle]

Two acts in before we got Simon's "I didn't like that - I LOVED it." 

I have to be honest with you: I don't dislike that - I HATE it. 

[ams1001]

1 hour ago, Superclam said:

Two acts in before we got Simon's "I didn't like that - I LOVED it." 

I have to be honest with you: I don't dislike that - I HATE it. 

My thoughts exactly.

And the one voice I could briefly discern separate from the rest of the cacophany sounded off-key.

The comedian had a few decent jokes...I hardly thought he was worth a standing-ovation...

The longer it takes to get the performance, the more sympathy I lose for the sob story. (Also I find solo saxophone gets boring. But he was bullied so of course he got the GB. Also because it was 9:58.)

Edited June 1, 2022 by ams1001

[Frisky Wig]

Were the Rainbow Brite children awful or am I just too old for that crap? 

[Vermicious Knid]

The dogs were cute but I hate when animals are stuffed into people clothing. English singer reminded me of Ed Sheeran. We'll see how far he goes. Is that the first time they've reversed Xs, for the Parmesan guy? I assume his hero is Weird Al. Also, that would totally be in high rotation on the Doctor Demento show if it was still in production. I'm not going to bother looking but I assume he has youtube/instagram/tiktok accounts and his views will take off.

I will have to defer to people with more brass knowledge, are his saxophone skills average for his age, or really good? I just kept thinking of the SNL theme music.

On July 22 the National Suicide Prevention Hotline will also be available through the three digit code 988.

[rr2911]

Hello everyone!  AGT is back and it hasn't changed one bit!  In fact, I think it's only going to get worse.  

Just a few points about yesterday's show...

.  That little girl group was awful.  I guess the goal here is to build their confidence up?

.  Sophia and Simon reversing their X's on the Parmesan guy is one of the reasons this show is getting worse.  Sophia has the gull to complain after she puts him through.

.  I actually thought the female ventriloquist should've had gotten the golden buzzer, but she didn't have a sob story.  She was very good and I thought she was the best of the night.

.  I usually don't like comedians, but this one was funny.  I actually laughed a few times!

.  Two things gave away that the saxophone player was the GB. First, he was the last one to perform and secondly, as soon as he mentioned he was "bullied", that was it!  The only thing left to be revealed was which judge was going to press the GB.

[Neet]

Week 1 of...too many:

The Pack Drumline - As usual, this is one of many acts that have been practicing their craft for almost a decade and have never auditioned for the show, for some reason. Perhaps the leader was biding his time and thought that living in poverty for several extra years would foster a much bigger underdog story. It's easy to coming from a mile away that Simon and co. will boogie to this audition and then scratch their heads in fluoridated confusion when there's no more to the act besides beating on drums.

XOMG Pop - With Jojo Siwa pivoting from 'overgrown child' to '40 year old lesbian' in such a short time, I guess she was craving a new project for an audience with no attention span. (or a downright hypnotic one, if they like something)
No surprise that Americans love a song that honors their love of candy, but loving it enough to actually spare 60 seconds of cardio and dance along was the true barometer. I felt like a stage Dad watching this, screaming at the TV when the girls' choreography was out of sync for half a beat. Anyway, the song and performance was decent, but let's not pretend there's any longevity to acting this juvenile when the members will soon hit puberty and instantly hate each other.

Mervant Vera - He must be a magician, because saying 'Mervant' with a certain cadence after a while almost sounds like a real name. Following this performance, I hope the subservient "is this your card, sir, please?" form of magic is retired forever. It was really well done, though Terry had a somewhat idiotic comment of "that could be on the radio today". I get what he meant, but it's a song based on a visual aid that would make little sense otherwise. Probably the best of the night because every genre on here is like Groundhog Day after so many seasons.

Lee Collinson - For a show that has different versions for each market, AGT is even more border-less than Mexico for letting everyone in from everywhere. He was alright, but singers on here are rather pointless when there are already so many shows about them, but with American Idol ratings in the loo, it makes sense to try greener pastures. I remember his song had a lyric about the sun shining, which coming from a Brit must be some kind of metaphor.

Ben Lapidus - Hearing him scream about Parmesan gives me fond memories of berating teenage fast food employees over a forgotten napkin.😏 He has a good voice and the song got progressively funnier, though Heidi singing along killed the joke at light speed. She loves to repeat jokes, much like I'd accuse Howie of if his material sounded like any talented comedian, which is usually not the case. Ben was solid, but this was clearly contrived with him getting buzzed out and then put through. If not, it's a good thing a cheese grater was sitting beside Terry backstage for untold hours just in case it was needed.

Celia Munoz - The phrase "too much teeth" came to mind, since all of her tricks that looked to occupy her mouth still left room for an open smirk to get the words out. It was still impressive, but a lot of ventriloquist acts overly rely on singing to the point where it's like the person wasn't good enough at singing without shaping it around a gimmick. At least there's no annoying puppet to be found, since any sort of doll that appears on this show only knows how to talk about the judges.

Veranica & Her Incredible Friends - The dogs reminded me of the Jackson 5, albeit with far less coercion and threats. No matter how impressive it is, these animal acts are pretty much the same every time. Jumping through hoops, skipping rope, rolling objects around, etc. 50 year old cat ladies watching this must be like "damn, I picked the wrong animal to hoard". In addition to children, they are seemingly the main audience for this stuff, no matter how repetitive it is. The first 5-10 rows of plants in the audience can't be trusted, as they have a live mic on or near them at all times. (their fake chatter of "how does he do it?" et. al is beyond irritating)

Mike E. Winfield - Any comedian with a Y chromosome automatically gets bumped up a few pegs in priority, so this was a nice surprise. He wasn't hilarious or anything, but a number of jokes were pretty good. It was great to see a comedian with actual stage presence instead of the usual dork whose whole gimmick is being awkward. (or a woman whose act must be based on a kind of avant-garde non-humor we don't understand)

Shu Takada - "Asia is the world leader of technology". Also Asia: 🪀
Him rolling around on his back while holding toys was the kind of ballet missing from my tantrums over politics, very well done. Kind of odd that you'd expect him to pick up the yo-yo because it doesn't require any athleticism, then be forced into acting like Simone Biles without a balance beam just to make it interesting enough to watch.

Avery Dixon - He was in for a rude awakening after saying he wanted to win the million dollars to buy a house to play loud music in because of $300k+ going to taxes and the real estate market being so inflated, but the clarification that he's from Atlanta would mean he could buy up a block without making a dent. It's all yours. Saving the sickest for last, it went without saying that he must suffer from some kind of affliction to be given this final slot of the night. Being called 'hammerhead' in school sounds like Mike Winfield's kids may have been in the same class, it sounds more clever than you'd expect at that age. Anyway, it was a pretty solid performance, though the judges' evil side would come out like there's a full moon and they would turn on him for 'not doing enough variety' in future rounds, at least if the bullying card weren't his Kevlar vest for the season. Avery said that the saxophone being in and out of style depends on the player, though I don't think any trend is going to vacuum those millions of Kenny G CDs out of Goodwill. Terry made a big production out of "I'm your big brother, tell the bullies from 15 years ago they're messing with me too", even though his supposedly 'always on' phone will randomly be out of order a month after the show's over, much like how Uncle Simon's support goes out with the bathwater almost instantly.

A competent at best return for the show that's fun to hate, but hopefully the talent is more diverse in future episodes. Not 'month of June' diverse, I mean "not 20 dog acts and singers".

[InternetToughGuy]

(In case it's not the usual people here, I intentionally write like a jackass about this show, though I will edit parts if the mod thinks they are in poor taste or whatever)

I think I didn't watch or post about AGT last year and then I made like 2 failed attempts at posting about American Idol - I don't know why I think there's anything to talk about for that, other than guessing who will be plunging toilets 6 months after the confetti falls. Overall this show wasn't too bad, but I don't doubt turning to an all-aspirin diet as it progresses, because it usually gets pretty painful. They say this theater is haunted by the tortured spirit of Kenichi Ebina who can't take having to mop one more bathroom floor. (he's so irrelevant, you probably did think he wasn't alive)

//

The Pack Drumline - I guess this is what the non-singular Neil Peart sounds like, without the fat middle aged men in the crowd air drumming. I thought it was boring, not much to say. The judge commentary is almost always skip-able, since I don't need to be told what to believe by anyone other than a crying Jimmy Kimmel.

Mervant Vera - He said he wants to combine rap and magic, though he'd better be careful when telling other rappers on the street that he'll make them disappear. I think this act will get old real quick, unless he gets a face tattoo to let everyone know that his gimmick is that the raps aren't supposed to be good.

XOMG POP - Assuming anyone here knows who she is, JoJo Siwa is probably the only person on Earth who can wear the attire of a 5 year old and still look extremely mature (not a good thing, she kinda looks middle aged). The song title "Candy Hearts" was definitely marketed to an American audience, due to the growing amount of the population who argues with their cardiologist that driving counts as exercise. I actually thought it was catchy and a little enjoyable, though I'd feel weird for listening to them on purpose.

Lee Collinson - Could he be the first face on these Got Talent shows to have a career? I purposely omit Susan Boyle who was ironically billed as the first Masked Singer so people wouldn't see her appearance and refund their tickets in advance. The song was OK, but the singers are always boring as sin, though to his credit he is choosing to save a sob story of being teased over acne or something stupid for later.

Ben Lapidus - If I could describe who would enjoy this, I can only think of those weird fat teenagers you see walking down the street wearing a thick hoodie in the middle of Summer. I had a mild laugh at the end because it was repeated so many times it became silly-stupid. Simon trying to make Sofia say yes had me yelling at the TV "she did not give consent!" (my college being 95% male has brought out previously unheard of levels of female oriented patheticness). Expect the next round to have him make a game face in the montage only to do another stupid song and get eliminated on the spot.

Amazing Veranica - I don't know if that's actually her name or AGT's YouTube channel is just describing her, but that sounds a little too juvenile to say in a serious voice, despite the concept of dogs dancing to BTS is enough to make a 5 year old's head explode. If this were a livestream, I'd just be boringly nodding "them dang dogs did it", so really there's nothing to say, other than the dog hopping out of the changeroom and forced to wear a pink dress is probably what would happen if I sent my son to public school today.

Celia Munoz - I forgot about her until the end and don't remember where in the order she was. I wouldn't call what she did a talent, since as an owner of extremely yellow teeth, I have evolved to talk without opening my mouth as a social survival mechanism. I cringe so hard whenever they incorporate stuff like "is that the judges?" "I'm on America's Got Talent" into their routine. I'm convinced everyone says AGT is the biggest stage because they have compared the blueprints of the set design's square footage with American Idol and The Voice, because this show almost guarantees nothing.

Mike E. Winfield - Marrying an older woman with a kid makes for a lot of self deprecation material if he knows he did wrong, but it doesn't sound like he feels that way. The first half of the set was funny and the second half seemed like he was just rehashing the same line, but overall it seems like he could be pretty entertaining.

Shu Takada - Yo-yo isn't too popular these days, but this really brings me back to the modern pastime of kids watching a man reacting to yo-yo videos. I figured he would be from the Tokyo neighborhood Yoyogi, but since no one else here still dreams of marrying Sailor Moon, the Japan reference doesn't land. It was good, nothing to say.

Avery Dixon - I rolled my eyes at the idea of him reliving trauma from 15 years ago - unless that shit was about a dumb girl who didn't like him back, in which I'd stand up in respect and give my full attention. I know the bullying stories are supposed to be sensitive, but I often find myself impressed by the insulting names that kids come up with. Anyway, the performance was good, going into this, my baseline appreciation of the instrument was at about 2% instead of zero due to finding Dave Koz months ago (who from my investigation has one good song). I was so inspired by his performance I said "I want to put my mouth around sax" and my Dad said "Happy Pride Month, son", so I can't tell which of us was making a joke.

//

Overall the show was OK, but this show is usually described as a progressive disease as the weeks go by.

Edited June 1, 2022 by InternetToughGuy

[ams1001]

Neet and ITG are back on the board this season?! Well, that makes everything better!

7 hours ago, Frisky Wig said:

Were the Rainbow Brite children awful or am I just too old for that crap? 

Yes.

[Mr. Sparkle]

7 hours ago, Frisky Wig said:

Were the Rainbow Brite children awful or am I just too old for that crap? 

They were not good at singing or rapping. They were slightly better at dancing, but I noticed a few flubs. They had energy and flashy costumes though! 

[ams1001]

9 hours ago, InternetToughGuy said:

XOMG POP - Assuming anyone here knows who she is, JoJo Siwa is probably the only person on Earth who can wear the attire of a 5 year old and still look extremely mature (not a good thing, she kinda looks middle aged). 

I will admit she grew on me over her DWTS season. Mostly because she seemed to grow up a bit over the course of it. I knew nothing about her other than she was on that dance show that I never watched and likes rainbows. I don't need to see her army of mimi-mes, though.

9 hours ago, InternetToughGuy said:

Mike E. Winfield - Marrying an older woman with a kid makes for a lot of self deprecation material if he knows he did wrong, but it doesn't sound like he feels that way. The first half of the set was funny and the second half seemed like he was just rehashing the same line, but overall it seems like he could be pretty entertaining.

I thought his opening line came across really creepy but then he moved away from it and was okay. Wouldn't pay to see him but I might stick around if I came across him at the county fair.

9 hours ago, InternetToughGuy said:

Anyway, the performance was good, going into this, my baseline appreciation of the instrument was at about 2% instead of zero due to finding Dave Koz months ago (who from my investigation has one good song). 

My baseline appreciation is based on my friend's daughter, who plays/has played the alto sax in several of her high school's musical groups (jazz band, marching band, among others...their district has a massive music program), and my friend sometimes posts videos on facebook. But the solos there are short. But she's about to graduate. I think she'll at least join marching band when she goes to college next year; don't know what other groups there are but I assume there are some.

9 hours ago, InternetToughGuy said:

Overall the show was OK, but this show is usually described as a progressive disease as the weeks go by.

I went in with some trepidation but I only muted the judges once (after the GB). I'm sure the muting will get more frequent as we go on.

Pretty sure I saw the older twins with the same-sweaters-in-different-colors from seasons past in the audience.

Edited June 1, 2022 by ams1001

[Crashcourse]

I don't know how many people in the audience are "plants," but I do know that there are too many audience shots and I'm sick and tired of them.

[Taeolas]

Sadly, "Audion Reactionitis" is an affliction infecting just about every competition show out there now, and there is no known cure. (Frankly, I'm surprised TAR and Survivor haven't caught it yet; though Survivor barely avoided it with the reunion shows). I wouldn't be surprised if we get to the point where an entire act will be nothing but Reaction Shots. It's not so bad for singers, but for just about any other type of act (whether on AGT or on dancing shows or other talent-shows), seeing the people doing the act is rather important. 

Anyways, as far as last night went, it was an okay bunch of acts. I've seen  that Magician deck stacking trick before, but it is still impressive and was done quite smoothly. I also liked the Ventriloquist and the Yo-yo artist;  I'd have been fine with either getting the Golden Buzzer. By the time the saxophonist showed up, I was wondering if they'd have time for a golden buzzer but then he came on. Frankly I found his act rather meh, but it had the sob factor I guess. 

I'd still rather the yo-yo artist getting the GB. He has the type of act that is impressive to watch and see, but it is hard to "elevate" to the next stage and a GB would have given him more 'breathing space' for his act. (Singers and instrumentalists just need to play a different song; they aren't expected to add fire eating while they sing/play; yet for dancers and trick artists, adding a fire element seems to be the minimum)

I am glad they had a gong show section, or at least more gong-show acts through the episode than they've had recently. I hope that stays for the season. 

And the Parmesan Cheese singer was certainly channeling the comedic singers. Not really Weird Al, but more Arrogant Worms if anyone remembers them. I didn't really feel he was good enough to go on, but he'll probably be an easy cut before the live shows. 

[marketdoctor]

Quote

Were the Rainbow Brite children awful or am I just too old for that crap? 

I've been going through a similar "I'm not sure if this act is bad, or just if I'm not the audience for it."  This seemed like some of both.

That said, I liked that there were fewer backstories, and it seemed like a good mix of good and bad acts.

I especially liked "Why is it that when you hate your job, they don't fire you?"  I don't know if a comedian can win, but he's got a chance.

Also, I'm glad the live audience is back, but this is rife for a spoof, where they cut to "audience shots" of the Super Bowl, or a third-party political rally, or something similar.

[ams1001]

14 minutes ago, Taeolas said:

I'd still rather the yo-yo artist getting the GB. He has the type of act that is impressive to watch and see, but it is hard to "elevate" to the next stage and a GB would have given him more 'breathing space' for his act. (Singers and instrumentalists just need to play a different song; they aren't expected to add fire eating while they sing/play; yet for dancers and trick artists, adding a fire element seems to be the minimum)

I really liked the yo-yo guy, but I can totally see a "but how can you step this up?" in his future.

14 minutes ago, Taeolas said:

And the Parmesan Cheese singer was certainly channeling the comedic singers. Not really Weird Al, but more Arrogant Worms if anyone remembers them. I didn't really feel he was good enough to go on, but he'll probably be an easy cut before the live shows. 

Ugh, his song was mildly amusing and certainly unexpected, but it got annoying the longer they let him go on...and I was only listening from the kitchen.

[Tango64]

This show about audiences reacting to things is pretty neat. Can’t help wondering what they’re looking at, though. 

[marketdoctor]

On 6/1/2022 at 5:28 PM, Tango64 said:

This show about audiences reacting to things is pretty neat. Can’t help wondering what they’re looking at, though. 

If only we had some sort of "screen-splitting" technology; some way to show two different, albeit smaller, images at once on the same screen.

That would have to be some kind of crazy 1960's FutureTech Sci-Fi techno-wizardry.

(Just kidding, I know they do it all the time for sports, and have had it since the '50s.)

[Lonesome Rhodes]

Shu took me back to middle school when there was a huge yo-yo craze.  I did not understand the fascination then, nor do I now.  Who knew the Pet Rock was to come?  He was excellent, but, he is a one-trick pony.  I suppose he sits on command, though.

Sax dude took me back to a legendary Magnum PI ep.  The song was hugely significant to that series as it was concluding.  He is most certainly talented for his age.  The cynic in me wonders if he is getting an unfair advantage by not having to perform at least once more to fully advance.  If it's about audience favorites, the GB cheats said audience, eh?  Now THAT'S what AGT is all about!

Fire guy was a wonderful metaphor for the entire enterprise.  It, and the cast, are all flaming out, more and more rapidly.  That was, however, a truly excellent stunt.  I bet he gets lots of work in the industry. 

Sofia is showing her advancing years.  She also displayed much less patience for all the shenanigans.  Not a good look.

Celia was best.  Rap magician also impressed.   But, I get the distinct feeling he is not great at magic itself.

[PBnJay]

On 6/1/2022 at 5:24 AM, ams1001 said:

Neet and ITG are back on the board this season?! Well, that makes everything better!

LOL! Yes, for sure. I only watched pieces of this audition episode, but reading Neet and ITG made up for it and convinced me I didn't have to catch the rerun. Missed you guys last year.

[Neet]

On 6/5/2022 at 12:35 PM, PBnJay said:

LOL! Yes, for sure. I only watched pieces of this audition episode, but reading Neet and ITG made up for it and convinced me I didn't have to catch the rerun. Missed you guys last year.

Thanks, that's pretty gratifying to read. We got really burned out on AGT after a decade and didn't watch last year's season. I think the deciding factor was the auditions and other rounds having a reduced audience + virtual involvement that really cast a spotlight on how terrible these shows are without the glitzy production. There's also the one-two punch of AGT starting right after American Idol, a show that gets worse every week, so the reality show seasonal affective disorder lasts for 6 months a year.
 

On 6/3/2022 at 10:16 PM, Lonesome Rhodes said:

Sofia is showing her advancing years.  She also displayed much less patience for all the shenanigans.  Not a good look.

Coincidentally, I have less patience for her own shit as she ages, too. "I'm from Colombia" is her de-facto personality, which was probably a riot 20 years ago. (if watching a muted video, anyway) I wouldn't even say that not playing into all the BS is a bad thing, because some auditions can drag on for an extra 5 minutes with a bunch of unnecessary corniness and judge wankery.

[RecoveringLawyer]

On 6/1/2022 at 5:28 PM, Tango64 said:

This show about audiences reacting to things is pretty neat. Can’t help wondering what they’re looking at, though. 

Well, I was shown in the audience reactions for Celia -- but we didn't see any of these acts at our taping!!  I think we were reacting to a dance group that should be on a future show.  They selected us from a different section of the theater and then moved us to the "Audience reaction zone" seats that were miked for about 3 or 4 acts.  Then they put some other folks there. 

[dmmetler]

As a sax player, he was decent, but not an exceptional sax player. Basically, almost any university school of music with a jazz studies program will have a few of similar caliber. A lot of the sound is the set up-reed/mouthpiece/ligature on a good horn. However, he had a good story. I would be amazed if he made it through the first round of the live shows.