MAFS Social Media, Spoilers & Speculation

[MsPH]

I sometimes think we expect way too much from these people. Nobody's perfect, most not even close. I just fail to see Nick as some kind of a villain despite the infamous outburst. He seems harmless to me. Somewhat clueless and very introverted, but I don't think he means harm and I think he did grow attracted to her towards the end when he got to know her better as a person. Obviously I'd be hurt if my spouse told me they don't even like me (though didn't Nick say most of it to the producer, not Sonia herself?), but I think it would be a bit different coming from someone who supposedly chose me himself and told me he loved me numerous times. I might not take it quite so badly coming from someone who was paired up with me by experts and has only known me for a few weeks within a highly stressful experiment. I mean obviously I'd be hurt, but I would hope I'd be able to give him a second chance, since I'd agreed to marry a stranger in the first place. If you're gonna treat this like normal dating then what's he point of even participating? There's a very slim chance you'll get the spouse of your dreams from this show, so if you're not willing to put in any work or get past any hurdles then just stay away. There's little to be lost by giving things a chance after filming wraps up, unless you don't like your spouse at all and that's obviously not the case with Sonia.

I don't know for sure if they're still together or not, but they were definitely a couple for a while, since Derek posted a pic he took of them together and congratulated them. Seeing as he hangs out with the other participants so often (just this weekend with Tom and Lilly), I think he knows what's up and it would be pretty crappy of him to congratulate Sonia and Nick with a cute couple pic, if they'd already split up. That's one of the reasons I suspect they're still in some sort of a relationship. There's other social media as well, like Sonia posting a pic of herself and Nick looking pensive at the reunion show next week with the caption "When you make the same face as your significant other (blush emoji)". Would she be calling Nick her SO, if they'd already broken up before the reunion? I get that some of these people love to mislead viewers, but somehow I don't think it's the case here. They're both so upbeat on SM, not like Sam and Neil where she was acting like a creepy stalker and he was mostly silent. The interviews I've read also point to them being together, so I tend to think that's the case unless they broke up fairly recently. I won't be terribly surprised either way though.

[Paddywagon]

If we go by what's happening on SM then I think Sonia and Nick are still together, but I think they're having some serious fights.  I think they might've even broken up a couple times but then work through it.  That might be why one minute we're sure they're  together then the next minute just as sure they're not.  I guess we'll see at the reunion.

Edited October 31, 2016 by Paddywagon

[Evil Queen]

1 hour ago, MsPH said:

 If you're gonna treat this like normal dating then what's he point of even participating? There's a very slim chance you'll get the spouse of your dreams from this show, so if you're not willing to put in any work or get past any hurdles then just stay away. There's little to be lost by giving things a chance after filming wraps up, unless you don't like your spouse at all and that's obviously not the case with Sonia.

I don't know for sure if they're still together or not, but they were definitely a couple for a while, since Derek posted a pic he took of them together and congratulated them. Seeing as he hangs out with the other participants so often (just this weekend with Tom and Lilly), I think he knows what's up and it would be pretty crappy of him to congratulate Sonia and Nick with a cute couple pic, if they'd already split up. That's one of the reasons I suspect they're still in some sort of a relationship. There's other social media as well, like Sonia posting a pic of herself and Nick looking pensive at the reunion show next week with the caption "When you make the same face as your significant other (blush emoji)". Would she be calling Nick her SO, if they'd already broken up before the reunion? I get that some of these people love to mislead viewers, but somehow I don't think it's the case here. They're both so upbeat on SM, not like Sam and Neil where she was acting like a creepy stalker and he was mostly silent. The interviews I've read also point to them being together, so I tend to think that's the case unless they broke up fairly recently. I won't be terribly surprised either way though.

Sure you aren't suppose to treat this like normal dating but they weren't even treating it as that. Nick is all about a friendship. There isn't even talk of it being a marriage when you hear him. Its always the word friendship used. So he hasn't treated it at all like it should be IMO. As well as put in the work because as he has said you shouldn't have to put in work. I think he has issues that would make a relationship under any kind of circumstances just not work right. IMO its excused away his saying the things he has to be mean and hurtful. He said things to her and where she heard it obvious. Its all excused away to some because of the situation or because of his being an introvert (which I don't buy) or whatever other reason. I don't care if its this kind of situation or a long marriage/dating relationship, if one says the things he has there is reasons behind it and usually its the truth. 

I don't doubt SM is all played up because you still have the reunion show to come. Once that is over I wouldn't be surprised if SM is different from these people. Most of the pictures you see of them "getting together" is going to be set up at this point by the show. I think after the last seasons we have had that producers want them to keep things under wrap no matter what the outcomes. With that how many on SM are thinking Derek and Sonia are hooking up or flirting still though? 

[gonecrackers]

Well there's this...

http://www.usmagazine.com/entertainment/news/married-at-first-sights-lillian-tom-reveal-marriage-status-w447672

[MsPH]

22 hours ago, Evil Queen said:

Sure you aren't suppose to treat this like normal dating but they weren't even treating it as that. Nick is all about a friendship. There isn't even talk of it being a marriage when you hear him. Its always the word friendship used. So he hasn't treated it at all like it should be IMO. As well as put in the work because as he has said you shouldn't have to put in work. I think he has issues that would make a relationship under any kind of circumstances just not work right. IMO its excused away his saying the things he has to be mean and hurtful. He said things to her and where she heard it obvious. Its all excused away to some because of the situation or because of his being an introvert (which I don't buy) or whatever other reason. I don't care if its this kind of situation or a long marriage/dating relationship, if one says the things he has there is reasons behind it and usually its the truth. 

I don't doubt SM is all played up because you still have the reunion show to come. Once that is over I wouldn't be surprised if SM is different from these people. Most of the pictures you see of them "getting together" is going to be set up at this point by the show. I think after the last seasons we have had that producers want them to keep things under wrap no matter what the outcomes. With that how many on SM are thinking Derek and Sonia are hooking up or flirting still though? 

I don't see his introversion as a matter of opinion or something he's trying to sell. He acts like an introvert, his friends and family describe an introvert when talking about him, and I, a fellow extreme introvert, see a lot of myself in him, for better and for worse. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, then it's a duck as far as I'm concerned. No, being an introvert doesn't excuse bad behaviour, but it does help one to understand why he is the way he is, why he finds it so hard to tell Sonia what he's thinking and feeling and why he seems almost scared of touching her. It's not intentional or something he's chosen for himself, I can tell you that much. No one wants to be inhibited, they just are and it's hard to change. For a person like him, it takes time to be truly comfortable with someone. It doesn't make him gay or a robot or unfit for a relationship (I mean, I've been in one for 5 years already despite all my "issues").

There are plenty of relationships that start from friendship and develop into more later. Just because you don't want to rip each other's clothes off the first night doesn't mean you never will. Both Nick and Sonia have said that they wouldn't have picked each other up from a bar, so clearly it wasn't instant chemistry. Trying to force intimacy in a situation like that isn't the best idea as evidenced by what happened with these two. I think they decided to take things to the next level maybe with some liquid courage involved, but Nick was still iffy about his feelings, so it got a bit too intense for him afterwards. He said himself here that is wasn't primarily about physical attraction. I just don't get this idea that he was never attracted to her and never will be because at one point in time he wasn't feeling it and wanted to escape the situation. Attraction isn't a constant, unless you're really shallow and equate attractiveness with looks, and those looks never change (which is impossible).

After the outburst Sonia was obviously very hurt and not open to any physical affection, so they tried to build a friendship. I know most of us have been like "why won't he just make a move?", but when you think about it, they'd been mostly affectionate off camera, so Sonia's unwillingness to move back in and thus be around him off camera sent a pretty strong signal that advances aren't welcome. Maybe she didn't mean it like that, but I'm sure that's how it came off from Nick's point of view. He did give her a hug and a kiss on the forehead in two episodes, also called her beautiful on their mini-break and said "you look pretty" when they were getting ready for the final decision. It's not like he was acting totally cold. Seems to me that taking a step back and becoming friends first was a good idea, since they wanted to stay married.

[amola]

I couldn't agree with MsPH more.  I don't hate Nick or think he's bad for Sonia.  I think they are cute together, actually. When he looks at her, he looks at her kindly, IMO.    My husband is an introvert (and I'm a total extrovert) and we've been mostly happily married for 16 years.  I do think Nick got overwhelmed by everything and had a very unfortunate meltdown.  I could see my husband melting down with cameras and constant talk too.  My husband is not into PDA either but he's affectionate in private.  I get these things about him now and don't expect him to shout his feelings from the rooftops. He needs time alone to process things.  I think since Sonia is an empathetic person and she could learn to understand his introvertedness.  It seems he can actually be pretty thoughtful with gifts and actions and things like that.  I see a future for them.  Who knows, I could be wrong about it all, too.  It's so hard to know when we actually see so little of their real interactions with one another. 

I think Tom and Lilly are cute too but I do see more issues for them down the road.  I think she will end up giving up a lot of herself to be with him.  She's young now but she may grow to resent him. 

[Jellybeans]

Ok tonight we get our answers.  I think both couples are still together.

What do you guys think?

[amola]

I must get some work done but I'm once again I'm wasting time thinking about this silly show ;)  .  I think both couples are still together.  Lilly and Tom are a definite as they were just together over Halloween weekend.  I think Nick and Sonia are still together too but I'm less sure about them.  They've been upbeat on social media and she's still wearing the necklace (which I also thought was pretty, Jellybeans!) so those seem to be positive signs.   I hope they made it work and all the previews were a deliberate attempt to mislead.   

[Stillhoping]

Yay...thanks gonecrackers.

I am so happy for Tom and Lilly 

They seem like really nice people. I have said various times they seemed more real and their families and friends seemed more real when they had get togethers

Yayyyyy

[gonecrackers]

3 hours ago, Jellybeans said:

Ok tonight we get our answers.  I think both couples are still together.

What do you guys think?

I'm still undecided on N&S but I think they are together too.

[cecig75]

I keep reading on social media that Nick and Sonia are no longer together, but then again who knows. 

[gonecrackers]

36 minutes ago, cecig75 said:

I keep reading on social media that Nick and Sonia are no longer together, but then again who knows. 

I don't see much SM & have only glanced at their Twitters every now & then; they seem to be accepting congrats etc. That could be to mislead. On the previews Nick wasn't wearing his ring but I didn't think they'd be that obvious, so that's another reason why I'm thinking they're together. Guess we'll know soon. I'll be DVR'ing as usual, but will definitely check the boards since I don't mind knowing ahead.

[Evil Queen]

7 minutes ago, gonecrackers said:

I don't see much SM & have only glanced at their Twitters every now & then; they seem to be accepting congrats etc. That could be to mislead. On the previews Nick wasn't wearing his ring but I didn't think they'd be that obvious, so that's another reason why I'm thinking they're together. Guess we'll know soon. I'll be DVR'ing as usual, but will definitely check the boards since I don't mind knowing ahead.

Same here with the DVRing and checking the boards. West Coast here and don't get it until later plus have a husband I don't make suffer through this show. LOL With the previews not only did they have Nick with no ring but there was a scene of Sonia looking like she was wiping tears from her eyes. Honestly I doubt they are together. There has been comments on here that she posted things on SM about him in a negative way and his friends saying crap about her and such. So who knows but I don't see it. Tom and Lily it was already given away in the previews basically. Not sure why they would make that one known but then try to make viewers wonder on Sonia and Nick. Seems whoever did that preview wa Which I can see them lasting for awhile but I am not sure they will last to long unless they can keep the compromising going and communicate...as well as Tom learns the world doesn't revolve around him always. Yet I wouldn't be surprised if he is now selling yachts in part because of her job. It was my first thought when I saw that posted here and I wondered if the next step was at some point them starting up their own combo yacht/real estate business some day down the road.   

[Snarklepuss]

23 hours ago, amola said:

I couldn't agree with MsPH more.  I don't hate Nick or think he's bad for Sonia.  I think they are cute together, actually. When he looks at her, he looks at her kindly, IMO.    My husband is an introvert (and I'm a total extrovert) and we've been mostly happily married for 16 years.  I do think Nick got overwhelmed by everything and had a very unfortunate meltdown.  I could see my husband melting down with cameras and constant talk too.  My husband is not into PDA either but he's affectionate in private.  I get these things about him now and don't expect him to shout his feelings from the rooftops. He needs time alone to process things.  I think since Sonia is an empathetic person and she could learn to understand his introvertedness.  It seems he can actually be pretty thoughtful with gifts and actions and things like that.  I see a future for them.  Who knows, I could be wrong about it all, too.  It's so hard to know when we actually see so little of their real interactions with one another.

I don't think Nick's reticence with Sonia can be excused as introvertedness and I don't think it's fair to other introverts to lump his issues into introversion.  As a pretty extreme introvert myself I have no issues with showing affection and being in touch with and verbal with my partner about my feelings.  Same goes for my introverted spouse in return to me.  I think Nick suffers from a difficulty with getting in touch with his own feelings and demonstrating them in social settings (which could even be due to a pronounced social anxiety surrounding that), and both are not necessarily functions of healthy introverts.

[ChristmasJones]

Has this been posted yet???

http://www.theashleysrealityroundup.com/2016/10/28/married-at-first-sight-star-derek-schwartz-releases-rap-song-about-his-short-marriage-to-heather-seidel/

[ChristmasJones]

Sonia opens up in an exclusive interview:

“I’ve also noticed that Nick can be very thoughtful at times. My mom was in town recently, and he [bought] her sweets and things, because he knows she likes it. He definitely shows he cares through gift-giving.”

While her relationship with Pendergrast has grown, Granados admits that his lack of affection is still a work in progress. “I’m [still] struggling with the fact that Nick isn’t affectionate, because my mother wasn’t affectionate either,” she notes. “I think that’s the reason I can understand him a little better, but I still need physical affection to feed my soul.”

As the couple continues to build their friendship, Granados reveals that she’s not yet in love with her husband. “I love Nick very much, but I’m not in love with him… just yet,” she explains.

The newlywed is still finding ways to show Pendergrast that she cares about him. “To be honest, I’m still very unaware if I’m showing Nick love the way he appreciates it, but I feel like I’ve tried in thinking of him when I do certain things,” Granados tells us. “I’m trying to be a good wife, but I’m blocked in certain moments and times.”

http://www.theknotnews.com/married-at-first-sight-sonia-granados-post-experiment-exclusive-14720

[Enero]

6 hours ago, ChristmasJones said:

Sonia opens up in an exclusive interview:

“I’ve also noticed that Nick can be very thoughtful at times. My mom was in town recently, and he [bought] her sweets and things, because he knows she likes it. He definitely shows he cares through gift-giving.”

While her relationship with Pendergrast has grown, Granados admits that his lack of affection is still a work in progress. “I’m [still] struggling with the fact that Nick isn’t affectionate, because my mother wasn’t affectionate either,” she notes. “I think that’s the reason I can understand him a little better, but I still need physical affection to feed my soul.”

As the couple continues to build their friendship, Granados reveals that she’s not yet in love with her husband. “I love Nick very much, but I’m not in love with him… just yet,” she explains.

The newlywed is still finding ways to show Pendergrast that she cares about him. “To be honest, I’m still very unaware if I’m showing Nick love the way he appreciates it, but I feel like I’ve tried in thinking of him when I do certain things,” Granados tells us. “I’m trying to be a good wife, but I’m blocked in certain moments and times.”

http://www.theknotnews.com/married-at-first-sight-sonia-granados-post-experiment-exclusive-14720

Poor thing. She's definitely settling.  Thanks for posting. 

[Evil Queen]

10 hours ago, Enero said:

Poor thing. She's definitely settling.  Thanks for posting. 

Agree and IMO if one feels gift giving is the way to always show someone how you feel there is something wrong there. That shouldn't be the way to show a person you care, like them or whatever. When that is all there is comes off a certain way....I can't think of the word I want to use for it right now but in the end to me it comes off not in a caring way. In the end that lack of affection Nick has will not change and Sonia will suffer if she stays. Her mother not being affectionate could just be for other reasons from why Nick is that way. So she can say she understands it better but it doesn't mean she gets it completely or that she won't suffer because she wants the affection she is not going to get. If she doesn't know if she is showing Nick she cares in the right way that is not a good thing. She should show it how she knows how to and not change it because of how he is. It also says a lot about him too. He is no different from what we saw on the show then....which is he comes off cold, mean and emotionless. She would be smart to wake up and move on for herself before she is a shell of her former self. That is not a healthy relationship and never will be. 

11 hours ago, pickle said:

if anyone is missing this show, there's the UK version . 3 episodes (of season 2) have aired so far and it has a very different vibe due to editing and camera work -- feels a bit more earnest and cheerful?

I don't know if its all their reality shows there but I noticed with watching the Great Baking Show from there that its very different from how those type of shows are here. There is no drama with it and you see them help each other and cheer each other on in ways you would never see on shows here. If I can find a way to watch those UK ones I will check it out. I told my husband a few times how I wish we were able to see more of the shows from over there when they air because they are so much better...that isn't just the reality shows either. 

[Kira53]

On 10/6/2016 at 5:46 PM, Snarklepuss said:

17 hours ago, ChristmasJones said:

Sonia opens up in an exclusive interview:

“I’ve also noticed that Nick can be very thoughtful at times. My mom was in town recently, and he [bought] her sweets and things, because he knows she likes it. He definitely shows he cares through gift-giving.”

While her relationship with Pendergrast has grown, Granados admits that his lack of affection is still a work in progress. “I’m [still] struggling with the fact that Nick isn’t affectionate, because my mother wasn’t affectionate either,” she notes. “I think that’s the reason I can understand him a little better, but I still need physical affection to feed my soul.”

As the couple continues to build their friendship, Granados reveals that she’s not yet in love with her husband. “I love Nick very much, but I’m not in love with him… just yet,” she explains.

The newlywed is still finding ways to show Pendergrast that she cares about him. “To be honest, I’m still very unaware if I’m showing Nick love the way he appreciates it, but I feel like I’ve tried in thinking of him when I do certain things,” Granados tells us. “I’m trying to be a good wife, but I’m blocked in certain moments and times.”

http://www.theknotnews.com/married-at-first-sight-sonia-granados-post-experiment-exclusive-14720

Since they are already married I can see an argument for staying together a little longer and see if more can develop.  I can see that they may be getting along and even having some fun.  Besides,  I think Sonia loves the dogs now and at least is getting love and affection from them.  At least Nick seems to be more fun now.  Living accommodations look great and they seem like they are able to get along.  I don't know if I'd have the same idea if they were just dating but some people date 8 -10 years and never marry - did they waste their time?

 It would be funny if they (Sonia and Nick) lasted longer than the marriage that started with great sexual heat but different lifestyles and different goals.

 I wish both couples well - relationships can be tough.

[ChristmasJones]

25 minutes ago, Kira53 said:

I can see that they may be getting along and even having some fun.  Besides,  I think Sonia loves the dogs now and at least is getting love and affection from them.  At least Nick seems to be more fun now.  Living accommodations look great and they seem like they are able to get along.

Doesn't this seem like a very sad basis on which to get married, though? I feel like if one has to make so many concessions when they're in the honeymoon stage.. what on earth will things be like after the buzz has worn off and real problems arise (health, aging parents, etc)?

Edited November 3, 2016 by ChristmasJones

[ChristmasJones]

Sonia acknowledging that her mother was not affectionate, and now her new husband isn't either (and she chose him after realizing that he is not affectionate) is a classic case of someone unconsciously re-creating the problems from their childhood... and hoping (unconsciously) that they will be able to fix them as an adult.

I posted about this a while back... hypothesizing that Sonia's choice of profession might cause her to extend more empathy to Nick than is warranted, and that on some level she is thinking she has a "diamond in the rough" and she will be able to draw him out of his shell.  Its interesting that she has essentially said that without realizing she said it.

Edited November 3, 2016 by ChristmasJones

[humbleopinion]

Critical review on Derek's rap "Honeymoon"

Does "fishy" really rhyme with intuition?... intuit-ishy?

Pushing artistic license pretty far.

I keep hearing the female singing ...putting this oil on me versus putting this all on me

Unfortunately, I can't unhear "Honeymoon"

Is that a niche genre of rap...Whiny rap?

Hope his next rap release is " I Smoked So Much Weed So She Left Me On The Second Day of Our Honeymoon-The Prelude to my "Honeymoon" rap.

Picture Heather doing a giant eye roll while sighing ...Enough whining already, jeez...

[Zuleikha]

Quote

Since they are already married I can see an argument for staying together a little longer and see if more can develop.

I don't. Better to deal with the legalities of a divorce now. Finances are just going to get more entangled, the longer they wait.

Sonia describes herself as not in love with Nick after 6 months. She wants kids, and she's right that she is getting older for having kids. She doesn't have time to waste on a dead-end relationship. 

Quote

 

Edited November 4, 2016 by Zuleikha
remove duplication

[Snarklepuss]

5 hours ago, ChristmasJones said:

Doesn't this seem like a very sad basis on which to get married, though? I feel like if one has to make so many concessions when they're in the honeymoon stage.. what on earth will things be like after the buzz has worn off and real problems arise (health, aging parents, etc)?

ITA, I thought the same thing.  Although there's the argument of the tortoise and the hare.  Slow and steady wins the race.  But I don't have much hope of that being possible with them.  He's too far gone to change in the way she needs of him, IMO.  You can't change a man.  The best she could hope for is that he will one day wake up and change on his own, but where he's concerned I'm afraid she'd have to wait a long time - too long not to leave her basically unfulfilled for a long time.

5 hours ago, ChristmasJones said:

Sonia acknowledging that her mother was not affectionate, and now her new husband isn't either (and she chose him after realizing that he is not affectionate) is a classic case of someone unconsciously re-creating the problems from their childhood... and hoping (unconsciously) that they will be able to fix them as an adult.

I posted about this a while back... hypothesizing that Sonia's choice of profession might cause her to extend more empathy to Nick than is warranted, and that on some level she is thinking she has a "diamond in the rough" and she will be able to draw him out of his shell.  Its interesting that she has essentially said that without realizing she said it.

I think there's some of that in Sonia but on the flip side his issues mimic her own baggage which can only mean it's even MORE painful for her to be with someone like him than for someone who didn't have her particular baggage.  She knows deep down from experience in her own life that her own mother did not change.  Whether she thinks she can fix him or continue to buy into the over-optimistic dream that he'll change on his own, she's really settling.  I don't know but I think she knows it but thinks she's out of time to find someone else if she wants kids so she'd better just make lemonade with Nick.  Unfortunately it's not going to work and she's going to cause herself more heartache than anything else.

[MsPH]

5 hours ago, ChristmasJones said:

Doesn't this seem like a very sad basis on which to get married, though? I feel like if one has to make so many concessions when they're in the honeymoon stage.. what on earth will things be like after the buzz has worn off and real problems arise (health, aging parents, etc)?

If they're not in love yet, then they're not in the honeymoon stage yet either. They're still getting to know each other. People can and do grow in love over time. Both of them have said that they love each other, they're just not in love yet. She doesn't seem miserable to me, quite the contrary.

As for settling, that's kind of the premise of this whole show. Two out of twelve couples have had a mutual spark from the get-go. If people sign up for this show expecting that then they're crazy. Seems like there are a few of those each season though. But Sonia obviously likes Nick despite him not being exactly what she wants, so she can either stay committed to him and see where things go, or get a divorce and wait around lord knows how many years for that lightning to strike. That's a risky move though, since she's already in her 30s. I for one think love is a choice and Nick and Sonia have chosen each other, so they have every chance to make it work. Feelings come and go. If you respect and care for each other and want to make a life together, then you're more than half-way there. Many settle and end up regretting it, but many also miss out on love these days by waiting for perfection.

[humbleopinion]

Sonia did decide to continue to be married to her mother/Nick- both detached, non affectionate and emotionally distant to her.

Nick's angry, ugly words to her just reinforced her not meeting his/her mother's approval.

However, Sonia does see something redeemable in Nick that maybe does not convey through the  hack editing done with heavy hands by M@FS producers.

Heck, what's another 6 months of marriage to either of them?

Nick continues to have a platform to move all his branded t shirt rags/junky mugs from his warehouse and Sonia gets to be a "celebrity" for a while longer.

Guess this is how Nick acts when he is 6 months and 6 weeks "in love" ...pretty tepid but maybe he is more effusive between the sheets...if you get my drift.

[Evil Queen]

9 hours ago, MsPH said:

If they're not in love yet, then they're not in the honeymoon stage yet either. They're still getting to know each other. People can and do grow in love over time. Both of them have said that they love each other, they're just not in love yet. She doesn't seem miserable to me, quite the contrary.

As for settling, that's kind of the premise of this whole show. Two out of twelve couples have had a mutual spark from the get-go. If people sign up for this show expecting that then they're crazy. Seems like there are a few of those each season though. But Sonia obviously likes Nick despite him not being exactly what she wants, so she can either stay committed to him and see where things go, or get a divorce and wait around lord knows how many years for that lightning to strike. That's a risky move though, since she's already in her 30s. I for one think love is a choice and Nick and Sonia have chosen each other, so they have every chance to make it work. Feelings come and go. If you respect and care for each other and want to make a life together, then you're more than half-way there. Many settle and end up regretting it, but many also miss out on love these days by waiting for perfection.

First they didn't pick each other...the "experts" did that. I think if it was their choice Sonia would not have picked Nick and he wouldn't have picked her. For whatever reason they decided to see where things went. Second how is love a choice? IMO if you are looking at it in that manner then a person is going to settle for whoever and just decide they "love" that person but in the end be miserable in the relationship or the other person will be. Sure we can pick someone to date and see where it goes but it doesn't mean love in the end with that person so you move on to someone else. I do not believe that feelings come and go like nothing either. I have been with my husband for a total of over 17 yrs now and married over 15 yrs. For us it was a love at first sight situation. I love him more now than I did all those years ago. Not once in all these years have I not felt that way for him. I am one of those that does not think one should settle at all ever. If you settle just because you are afraid of being alone or "missing out" that is going to make for a miserable life for both people in the relationship. If I had "settled" I wouldn't have my husband. I would have ended up with someone else and been miserable. I knew that so I moved on with no regrets. With how she is saying Nick is still the same as what we saw and the fact her mother was not affectionate......its not a way she should be settling. Since she knows what that is like to grow up in that sort of environment, it should make it REALLY look at the big picture and if she would want to raise kids in that situation with how she felt from the lack of affection from a parent.  As well as how he can have outbursts or say things to just be plain mean at times is another issue as well....then throw in the way he was drinking. SMH I think in this case settling is going to do more harm than good for her and will be something she could end up regretting one day. I just do not see them lasting with that lack of affection she clearly needs. 

[Neurochick]

10 hours ago, MsPH said:

As for settling, that's kind of the premise of this whole show. Two out of twelve couples have had a mutual spark from the get-go. If people sign up for this show expecting that then they're crazy. Seems like there are a few of those each season though. But Sonia obviously likes Nick despite him not being exactly what she wants, so she can either stay committed to him and see where things go, or get a divorce and wait around lord knows how many years for that lightning to strike. That's a risky move though, since she's already in her 30s. I for one think love is a choice and Nick and Sonia have chosen each other, so they have every chance to make it work. Feelings come and go. If you respect and care for each other and want to make a life together, then you're more than half-way there. Many settle and end up regretting it, but many also miss out on love these days by waiting for perfection.

I have to agree with this.  Some people feel they need certain things and then realize when they get older that the things they needed weren't very realistic.  Maybe Sonia will never meet someone who treats her like she feels she should be treated, or if she does, maybe that person will have some other wrinkle she'll have to deal with. 

I think in reality everybody settles for something.  When I was younger, I wanted to live in a big house; now I'm grateful that never happened, because either I'd be exhausted from cleaning said house, or I'd have to spend money to hire people to clean it.  My dream of having a big house had nothing to do with the reality of having a big house; I used to hate my apartment, now I love it, I realize it's perfect for me.  It took a long time for me to realize that, had I said, "I don't want this apartment, I want something else," I might have been moving from place to place, searching for a perfection that doesn't exist.

14 minutes ago, Evil Queen said:

I am one of those that does not think one should settle at all ever.

If you don't settle for "something" you might end up as a person who's never happy, always looking for something, always thinking, "once I get ____, then I'll be happy." 

[MsPH]

I meant they chose each other after the experiment was over. Nothing's forcing them to be together at this point and together they are. I follow them both on snapchat and yes they still live together and seem to be doing fine. He just ordered some dog dental care kit from Amazon saying no more excuses for dog kisses, and she was doing some emotional intelligence test that told her she needs some help with self management and relationship management (she also added #notsurprised). She also snapped a pic of him wearing a Costa Rica cap, but I don't know whether it's a souvenir she brought for him or something he bought himself. I'm guessing the former.

And no, you can't just decide to love whoever, but if it's someone who you enjoy being around, respect and find attractive, then thinking something's missing just because your hormones haven't made you go crazy enough to think they're perfect yet, can be a bit stupid. Being in love is a form of insanity. If you get to know your partner's bad parts before the good parts, then it may be hard to fall in love, since that requires a certain level of delusion. That doesn't mean you can't grow to love and respect the other person. We all move past the crazy bit at some point and while it may be nice to reminisce about, it's not a prerequirement to enjoying the present IMO. It's often people like Sonia and Nick who end up being the most loyal and faithful since they don't value the hormonal mess above all else.

I also don't get the talk about Nick's drinking. He was drunk once, for the very reason that he's not a big drinker, and it ended badly because of a multitude of reasons. Have we seen him drunk since? I certainly haven't noticed.

[Zuleikha]

If Sonia is happy, then she's happy, but she doesn't sound happy in her interview. She sounds like there are important things missing in the relationship and that there's been a lot of tension over the past 6 months. I also don't understand "in love" as meaning some kind of head-over-the-heels passion thing. I am in love with my husband, but we've been together for over a decade. It's not head-over-heels, need to spend every moment together. But it is more can't imagine my life without this person in it/feel he improves my life. IMHO, the fact that Sonia is explicitly saying she loves Nick but is not in love with Nick is not good.

I honestly don't think Lilly/Tom or Nick/Sonia would still be trying to make these relationships work if they weren't convinced that the experts were actual experts and had actual reasons for matching them. Given that all indications are no, the experts don't really I actually don't think this show should be legal. I come from a social science background where for any research that requires public funding, the research has to be cleared with an Institution Review Board to ensure that it is conducted as ethically as possible with minimal risk of harm to participants. The IRB exists because of experiments like Standford and Milgram that caused harm to the participants. This show is privately funded, so even if it were an actual scientific experiment, it wouldn't need to go through IRB. But if I were queen of the world and set the rules, private research and reality shows would have similar types of oversight because I think people do get affected by the faux-authority and faux-science of the show's framing.

[holly4755]

ok a couple of points

when the couples were doing their life plan picture chart, Nick and Sonia seemed to have matching goals, strange as that might seem, Lily and Tom, not so much, Tom pretty much let Lily design their plan i.e. did not really participate in a meaningful way. Of course those were the clips we were allowed to see, no idea how it really went down.   

the thing about not being able to change a man is true only to some extent,. I was married to an alcoholic, it took me a couple of years to understand that because I had never been exposed to it and the whole addiction thing was not publicized as much as then as today , it was long ago (50 years ago). after I got my act together and realized the games that he was playing with my head, I decided not to play, I went to al anon and learned how to distance myself despite my family being very angry with me for not putting up with crap as a wife's duty and cross to bear, and that distance seemed to finally be the thing that brought change, I would not yield, I would not play, there was no longer games. change yourself or get out.   He changed, never touched another drop, and we had 20 years of a good marriage sharing a lot of experiences and adventures before his midlife crisis made another monster and we divorced. So thing do change over time, and wanting the same things helps a lot. But things keep changing, what is a successful marriage? As you grow and change the other person is growing and changing themselves, a constantly changing dynamic. 

[Neurochick]

18 minutes ago, Zuleikha said:

I honestly don't think Lilly/Tom or Nick/Sonia would still be trying to make these relationships work if they weren't convinced that the experts were actual experts and had actual reasons for matching them. Given that all indications are no, the experts don't really I actually don't think this show should be legal. I come from a social science background where for any research that requires public funding, the research has to be cleared with an Institution Review Board to ensure that it is conducted as ethically as possible with minimal risk of harm to participants. The IRB exists because of experiments like Standford and Milgram that caused harm to the participants. This show is privately funded, so even if it were an actual scientific experiment, it wouldn't need to go through IRB. But if I were queen of the world and set the rules, private research and reality shows would have similar types of oversight because I think people do get affected by the faux-authority and faux-science of the show's framing.

In order to need IRB, you have to be a real research study, which this show is not; it's entertainment.  I come from a research background too, though not in social science and this show isn't research, at all  That's the reason this show is legal, because it's sold as entertainment.  The experiments that you mentioned caused harm because they were sold as real scientific experiments.  Even though they claim this is a "social experiment" I am sure that participants know by now that this is a reality show and the main purpose of being on the show is fame and maybe money. 

Now, if they advertised this show on college campuses as a real experiment, that would be another story, but I seriously doubt they do it. 

[Gobears]

I read that Sonia has been cheated on by past boyfriends and she thinks that Nick will be less likely to do so due to his introverted personality. So that might be another reason why she wants to stay with him...

Quote

“The good points of being with an introvert is that they seem to be more trustworthy people,” Granados shares. “I think it may be because it takes so long for him to open up that I would think he wouldn’t open up to anyone too easily with his feelings.”

http://www.theknotnews.com/married-at-first-sight-sonia-nick-12658

Totally agree with MsPH and Neurochick that the whole premise of the show is settling. Heather came on to the show wanting to find "the one" and didn't think Derek was it and got dragged for quitting too soon. Sonia didn't hit it off with Nick right away but decided to stay and is getting dragged for settling. Damned if they do and damned if they don't.

Sonia responded to a commenter on Instagram that she could have done better than Nick by saying something along the lines of "we got married and we're trying to honor our marriage vows".  So maybe she's sticking with him because of her Catholic faith? Didn't her dad say something about how the church said marriage was forever?

[holly4755]

but what about the cougar remark and liking younger women? 

[Zuleikha]

In order to need IRB, you have to be a real research study, which this show is not; it's entertainment.

Yes, I acknowledged that. I wasn't under any confusion about whether the show actually needed IRB review. I said that if I were queen of the world, it would need oversight.

I don't think the fact that the show is classified as entertainment is meaningful in terms of what oversight is present SHOULD be, although obviously it is in terms of what is actually present. But the show presents itself as authoritative and scientifically grounded to the participants, and I think it does them harm as a result. Also, the experiments I mentioned didn't do harm because they were done under the auspice of science. They did harm because of what they put the participants through. Had they been done as part of a reality show, participants still would have been harmed. It's not like there's some magic force field around reality shows that causes them to be harm free. 

[gonecrackers]

Sonia is deluded to think Nick is even 'less likely' to cheat due to being an introvert & not opening up easily. Does it take 'opening up' emotionally & being vulnerable with someone to cheat? Anyone can have sex or mess around & they do so all the time, introverts as well. She's living in another world somewhere.

I wasn't too surprised on her possibly having religious reasons for not divorcing. But aren't her parents divorced? If not, where's her mom been all this time since the wedding?

And if she truly believes that it would've been all the more reason to be incredibly careful regarding marriage.

Edited November 5, 2016 by gonecrackers

[MsPH]

1 hour ago, Gobears said:

I read that Sonia has been cheated on by past boyfriends and she thinks that Nick will be less likely to do so due to his introverted personality. So that might be another reason why she wants to stay with him...

http://www.theknotnews.com/married-at-first-sight-sonia-nick-12658

Totally agree with MsPH and Neurochick that the whole premise of the show is settling. Heather came on to the show wanting to find "the one" and didn't think Derek was it and got dragged for quitting too soon. Sonia didn't hit it off with Nick right away but decided to stay and is getting dragged for settling. Damned if they do and damned if they don't.

Sonia responded to a commenter on Instagram that she could have done better than Nick by saying something along the lines of "we got married and we're trying to honor our marriage vows".  So maybe she's sticking with him because of her Catholic faith? Didn't her dad say something about how the church said marriage was forever?

Thanks for posting that link, I hadn't read that interview before. These are pretty good reasons to stay with the man you agreed to marry sight unseen:

Quote

“Nick has selfless moments and he’s a giving person. He would give/do anything for the people he loves. He has a genuine heart,” she gushes. “He doesn’t always know the right things to say, but overall he’s a great human being. Something really nice about Nick is that when you least expect it, he does the sweetest things that really take you by surprise.”

Granados is not surprised that the Married at First Sight experts chose Pendergrast as her match. “I understand why I was matched with Nick,” she notes. “I think we are different in many ways – and those complement each other – but very much the same in a lot of things.”

You can say that she could do better, but she could also do a whole lot worse.

[MsPH]

8 minutes ago, gonecrackers said:

Sonia is deluded to think Nick is even 'less likely' to cheat due to being an introvert & not opening up easily. Does it take 'opening up' emotionally & being vulnerable with someone to cheat? Anyone can have sex or mess around & they do so all the time, introverts as well. She's living in another world somewhere.

I get where she's coming from. Yes, introverts can be into one-night-stands and the lot as well, but Nick is not only an introvert, he's also shy and inhibited. When you get little pleasure out of getting to know new people, then you'd kind of have to go out of your way to cheat. It's unlikely to "just happen", which seems to be the favourite excuse of cheaters. His biggest fault also seems to be that he's not physically affectionate, so I can't really picture him freely giving out affection to some random woman, unless you still think he's simply not attracted to Sonia and that's why he's not affectionate with her.

Obviously extroverts can be trustworthy as well, but you can't deny that they're more likely to form new acquintances and get close to people quickly, both emotionally and physically. That's simply because it's easier for them, and they enjoy the company of other people. The more people you interact with the more "opportunities" there are to cheat. Whether you have any desire to take advantage of those opportunities is down to personality and morals of course.

[gonecrackers]

40 minutes ago, MsPH said:

I get where she's coming from. Yes, introverts can be into one-night-stands and the lot as well, but Nick is not only an introvert, he's also shy and inhibited.

He says he had sex with someone (someone special?) in a pool restroom... gets married to a stranger on TV. I *think* his job requires a good deal of possibly sale-sy human interaction having to lease vacation rentals, & he was very vocal with his friends.

Honestly, from someone who IS actually shy & inhibited, his behavior way misses the mark of actually being 'shy & inhibited'.

I'm seriously doubting this about him, but again just my opinion.

[MsPH]

11 minutes ago, gonecrackers said:

He says he had sex with someone (someone special?) in a pool restroom... gets married to a stranger on TV. I *think* his job requires a good deal of possibly sale-sy human interaction having to lease vacation rentals, & he was very vocal with his friends.

Honestly, from someone who IS actually shy & inhibited, his behavior way misses the mark of actually being 'shy & inhibited'.

I'm seriously doubting this about him, but again just my opinion.

I wouldn't be surprised if the restroom sex happened when he was a teenager and the other party was his girlfriend. Just because it happened in a pool restroom doesn't mean it was some casual encounter or his usual modus operandi.

And just because you're shy it doesn't mean you can't learn to interact with people in a professional capacity. It's pretty different from actually getting close to people. I mean this is the guy who couldn't even utter the words "You look pretty" to his new wife at their wedding. I'd call that pretty inhibited. He also kept telling the camera all kinds of nice things about her throughout the season, but barely managed to say any of it to her face. Another sign of inhibition. I don't think he was particularly vocal with his friends either and these are the people he probably feels the most comfortable with. I'm pretty sure even they talked about him not letting people in.

[Evil Queen]

28 minutes ago, gonecrackers said:

He says he had sex with someone (someone special?) in a pool restroom... gets married to a stranger on TV. I *think* his job requires a good deal of possibly sale-sy human interaction having to lease vacation rentals, & he was very vocal with his friends.

Honestly, from someone who IS actually shy & inhibited, his behavior way misses the mark of actually being 'shy & inhibited'.

I'm seriously doubting this about him, but again just my opinion.

Agree with this as well. If someone is truly so shy/introverted there is no way they would be having sex in a public pool restroom. As well as trying to sell his rentals and clothing line would never pan out to well for someone like that. Then the getting married on tv as well.....I don't buy it at all. 

 

5 minutes ago, MsPH said:

I wouldn't be surprised if the restroom sex happened when he was a teenager and the other party was his girlfriend. Just because it happened in a pool restroom doesn't mean it was some casual encounter or his usual modus operandi.

And just because you're shy it doesn't mean you can't learn to interact with people in a professional capacity. It's pretty different from actually getting close to people. I mean this is the guy who couldn't even utter the words "You look pretty" to his new wife at their wedding. I'd call that pretty inhibited. He also kept telling the camera all kinds of nice things about her throughout the season, but barely managed to say any of it to her face. Another sign of inhibition. I don't think he was particularly vocal with his friends either and these are the people he probably feels the most comfortable with. I'm pretty sure even they talked about him not letting people in.

As he said all those things to the camera his eyes were rolling or looking off as well and not once did he even sound like he meant the words he was saying either. Not once did I feel like he meant what he was saying or did he show he meant it. 

BTW, he was drunk in many scenes. It wasn't just his tantrum scene either. 

Edited November 5, 2016 by Evil Queen

[Snarklepuss]

21 hours ago, MsPH said:

I meant they chose each other after the experiment was over. Nothing's forcing them to be together at this point and together they are. I follow them both on snapchat and yes they still live together and seem to be doing fine. He just ordered some dog dental care kit from Amazon saying no more excuses for dog kisses, and she was doing some emotional intelligence test that told her she needs some help with self management and relationship management (she also added #notsurprised). She also snapped a pic of him wearing a Costa Rica cap, but I don't know whether it's a souvenir she brought for him or something he bought himself. I'm guessing the former.

No, nothing's forcing them to stay together at this point but the reasons they're staying together may be unhealthy and their relationship may be doomed to fail nonetheless.  Nick will stay with Sonia because he has so much difficulty forming and maintaining a relationship with a woman and she will stay with him because she is just so desperate that she won't find someone she feels better about in enough time for her to have children.

And with regard to the settling, I definitely think Sonia is settling with Nick.  I can see it in her demeanor.  She is trying to convince herself that not getting her emotional needs met is OK in exchange for whatever else she is telling herself is good about Nick (and a big part of that is his ability to give her children).  Sure no partner is perfect but what she is doing without with him is something essential to her and IMO will end up causing her a lot of grief and dissatisfaction in the end.  I don't think it's something he will be able to change about himself either even if he wants to.  What she needs from him is just that alien to him.

[Snarklepuss]

21 hours ago, MsPH said:

And no, you can't just decide to love whoever, but if it's someone who you enjoy being around, respect and find attractive, then thinking something's missing just because your hormones haven't made you go crazy enough to think they're perfect yet, can be a bit stupid. Being in love is a form of insanity. If you get to know your partner's bad parts before the good parts, then it may be hard to fall in love, since that requires a certain level of delusion. That doesn't mean you can't grow to love and respect the other person. We all move past the crazy bit at some point and while it may be nice to reminisce about, it's not a prerequirement to enjoying the present IMO. It's often people like Sonia and Nick who end up being the most loyal and faithful since they don't value the hormonal mess above all else.

Some people may not need to "fall in love" with someone and have their hormones go crazy, but I'd be willing to bet my bank account that Sonia is not one of them.  She needs a similar level of romance that Tom and Lilly seem to have, and a type of physical affection that Nick is not capable of.  And IMO in people that need that, not having it with their SO is a total let down.  Sure, after many years that may fade in time in favor of other aspects of the relationship, but it's a stage that many people need to go through.  Besides, I think Nick is so stunted that his inability permeates every aspect of their relationship including their emotional intimacy, not just their physical relationship.  And that's a real killer for most people from Sonia's POV.

[Snarklepuss]

11 hours ago, MsPH said:

I get where she's coming from. Yes, introverts can be into one-night-stands and the lot as well, but Nick is not only an introvert, he's also shy and inhibited. When you get little pleasure out of getting to know new people, then you'd kind of have to go out of your way to cheat. It's unlikely to "just happen", which seems to be the favourite excuse of cheaters. His biggest fault also seems to be that he's not physically affectionate, so I can't really picture him freely giving out affection to some random woman, unless you still think he's simply not attracted to Sonia and that's why he's not affectionate with her.

Obviously extroverts can be trustworthy as well, but you can't deny that they're more likely to form new acquintances and get close to people quickly, both emotionally and physically. That's simply because it's easier for them, and they enjoy the company of other people. The more people you interact with the more "opportunities" there are to cheat. Whether you have any desire to take advantage of those opportunities is down to personality and morals of course.

Sorry to bone pick about this again but I truly do not believe that Nick's difficulties with the opposite sex are due to his introversion, and introversion only goes so far to explain his reticence, which goes much further than healthy introversion, IMO.  Most healthy introverts I know (including myself) do not have anywhere near the difficulty Nick has in this area and I think he has a form of social anxiety and phobia that goes way beyond introversion to explain.  There is a difference between being averse to physical affection in general and being an introvert.  Most introverts have no trouble with expressing both emotional and physical affection to their significant other. 

And I don't agree that introverts would have "less opportunity" to cheat.  When an introvert wants to cheat they'll find someone even if they have to place an ad online to do it.  It's amazing how introverts will come out of their comfort zone that way if the need is strong enough.  Nick has already come way out of his comfort zone in going through with this show, so I'm sure that if he one day wanted to cheat he'd do so again, and may even end up in a pool bathroom again too.

Edited November 5, 2016 by Snarklepuss

[lazylou]

All this analysis is based on heavily edited reality TV!  We don't know anything, really, about any of these people.  I just hope that all these couples are happy.  And, if they aren't, they can always split and move on.  

[gonecrackers]

1 hour ago, Snarklepuss said:

Sorry to bone pick about this again but I truly do not believe that Nick's difficulties with the opposite sex are due to his introversion, and introversion only goes so far to explain his reticence, which goes much further than healthy introversion, IMO.  Most healthy introverts I know (including myself) do not have anywhere near the difficulty Nick has in this area and I think he has a form of social anxiety and phobia that goes way beyond introversion to explain.  There is a difference between being averse to physical affection in general and being an introvert.  Most introverts have no trouble with expressing both emotional and physical affection to their significant other. 

And I don't agree that introverts would have "less opportunity" to cheat.  When an introvert wants to cheat they'll find someone even if they have to place an ad online to do it.  It's amazing how introverts will come out of their comfort zone that way if the need is strong enough.  Nick has already come way out of his comfort zone in going through with this show, so I'm sure that if he one day wanted to cheat he'd do so again, and may even end up in a pool bathroom again too.

ITA... He's definitely not a typical introvert; there's something else going on there, or so it seems. So many viewers have noticed & pondered what's up with him as well.

In the marriage if each partner isn't getting their needs met, at least to some degree since no one is perfect, it will create an imbalance & resentment. The constantly 'giving' partner will get drained.

I think Sonia realizes this which is why she's into the love languages, however, is Nick reciprocating? From what she's saying it doesn't really seem like it - he's 'loving her' in his own love language - not hers. The point is to meet the needs of the other in their love language, not your own, & that takes a real stretch when the two are just so different.

Never really saw the 'experts' try to help the couples with that sort of thing, but then again they were too busy bullying & pushing people to do uncomfortable things, then drinking it up & celebrating their 'success'. To me they are all TV personalities, not 'relationship experts', no matter what their qualifications say. There are so many schlocks with degrees out there. These 3 just make for good TV. (there's my rhyme for today)

[Snarklepuss]

20 minutes ago, gonecrackers said:

Never really saw the 'experts' try to help the couples with that sort of thing, but then again they were too busy bullying & pushing people to do uncomfortable things, then drinking it up & celebrating their 'success'. To me they are all TV personalities, not 'relationship experts', no matter what their qualifications say. There are so many schlocks with degrees out there. These 3 just make for good TV. (there's my rhyme for today)

ITA, I think the "experts" act more like huckster salespeople than true "relationship expert" professionals, which is what they're passing themselves off as here.  I don't care what they think they are or how many degrees they have, they have sold out their degrees and their ethics to the almighty dollar.  I can even sense a smug, self-serving attitude in Dr. Pepper, as if she's in congratulating herself on earning a bonus that the show might give them when couples stay together.  Especially this season, they all have acted like they have something to gain by having the couples choose to stay together.  Pepper's face says to me, "That's right, Nick and Sonia, make mama happy and stay together, earn me another several thousand bucks".  It's all about the cold, hard cash.

[MsPH]

These two are so cute:

Sonia and Lilly + the rest of the cast also organised a big event for the homeless on Saturday. I'm happy they can all be friends.

[amola]

Spoiler

 

Thanks for posting this, MsPH.  I follow Nick and Sonia on Instagram and they seem really happy to me.  I think they are both in it for the long haul and seem to really get one another.  Nick, in particular, both sweetly teases and compliments Sonia.  I'm happy for them.  I liked them all along. 

[Snarklepuss]

Notice that Heather and Derek are on opposite sides, LOL.  But they all look great!  Sonia is a blonde now?  Not sure I love that.  Maybe she found out Nick really wanted a blonde, LOL.  Snark aside, if they're happy so am I.