Couples Therapy (2019) - General Discussion

[Drogo]

This thread is for the Showtime show with this name.  The VH1 show's thread can be found here.

COUPLES THERAPY unlocks a hidden world: other people's relationships. Far from reality-show caricatures, this is true documentary filmmaking that brings viewers into authentic and visceral experience of weekly therapy with four couples.

[hoodooznoodooz]

Is this thread for the Showtime series?

[Pass the Tequila]

13 hours ago, hoodooznoodooz said:

Is this thread for the Showtime series?

I'm just going to assume that it is, because I can't find it anywhere else. If I end up talking to myself...well that wouldn't be new lol.

So I stumbled across this show completely by accident.. and what a pleasant surprise! It seems as close to "reality" tv on this subject from what I can tell so far.

I'd say that I don't advertise nor hide my experiences with mental health/therapy, but understand how scary it is to navigate and/or talk about.

I do hope traffic picks up here, because I'd be interested in other's views about the Dr (Orna somehing, sorry)... and the different couples. I was immediately 110% engaged watching this and surprised and almost disappointed when the episode came to the end...so quickly! But I think it's good that it's only half an hour...lots of content to think about afterwards.

I just hope they don't ruin it .. and also that they consider a second season. I really like this show a lot so far.

[hoodooznoodooz]

38 minutes ago, Pass the Tequila said:

I'm just going to assume that it is, because I can't find it anywhere else. If I end up talking to myself...well that wouldn't be new lol.

So I stumbled across this show completely by accident.. and what a pleasant surprise! It seems as close to "reality" tv on this subject from what I can tell so far.

I'd say that I don't advertise nor hide my experiences with mental health/therapy, but understand how scary it is to navigate and/or talk about.

I do hope traffic picks up here, because I'd be interested in other's views about the Dr (Orna somehing, sorry)... and the different couples. I was immediately 110% engaged watching this and surprised and almost disappointed when the episode came to the end...so quickly! But I think it's good that it's only half an hour...lots of content to think about afterwards.

I just hope they don't ruin it .. and also that they consider a second season. I really like this show a lot so far.

We will happily talk to ourselves!

These couples are soooo honest. They seem fearless. I guess hiding the cameras helped. But they also signed off. I so admire their generosity and bravery in sharing such raw emotions and traumatic experiences. 

I myself have only had a few therapy sessions. A few were solid and amazingly satisfying. I must insist that the value rests a tremendous deal on the therapist. One marriage counselor failed me.

Dr. Orna Something Sorry is extraordinary. I love her and how invested she is. She needs her advisor to remind her that she much distance herself. But she cares so deeply. 

I am fully engaged. 

Orna’s dog also rocks. 

[Auntie Anxiety]

Just so you know, you can stream all the episodes on the Showtime app. Loved it.

I don’t think I’m spoiling anything if I say that Mau is a maddening, arrogant asshole.

If couples therapy interests you, I suggest listening to Esther Perel’s podcasts.

[Pass the Tequila]

45 minutes ago, hoodooznoodooz said:

We will happily talk to ourselves!

These couples are soooo honest. They seem fearless. I guess hiding the cameras helped. But they also signed off. I so admire their generosity and bravery in sharing such raw emotions and traumatic experiences. 

I myself have only had a few therapy sessions. A few were solid and amazingly satisfying. I must insist that the value rests a tremendous deal on the therapist. One marriage counselor failed me.

Dr. Orna Something Sorry is extraordinary. I love her and how invested she is. She needs her advisor to remind her that she much distance herself. But she cares so deeply. 

I am fully engaged. 

Orna’s dog also rocks. 

Hi! I'm so glad you posted!

I don't know what kind of place this is going to be, to post in. The reason I say this is because I am relatively new to the Primetimer forum, and traditionally post in (and guilty pleasure enjoy) the lighter fluff and occasionally snarky forums. But I don't want to here. I think this is an important and more serious show.

I guess we'll just have to see.

So anyway to get back to replying on point...

I agree with you entirely. I was telling my mum, I am so struck with how brave they are. How human. I am not even in a couple and I relate and empathise more than I ever expected.

And it wasn't all grim. I liked being able to laugh with them too.

You're right about (paraphrasing) the therapist being a key component to effective therapy. But may I also add, that as someone who has had therapy off and on for over 3 decades, it wasn't until I was ready to do the work, combined with a village of mental health care providers, these past 3 years or so that I have noticed an incredible turn for the better. My life was completely off the rails and didn't involve any type of substance abuse issues (despite my username lol) so I found my treatment options were a little "off". I think these experiences are so individual and unique with many variables...but I'm haven't researched stats on the subject or anything. 🙂

Yes you're right! What a great doggers...his/her presence would immediately relax me and make me like the stranger Dr. That's personally speaking. I know some people are afraid of dogs, so I wonder if Dr O SS (thanks for the laugh!) mentions this prior to booking an appointment. I would assume so?

Again so glad to read your post. 🙂

Edited September 15, 2019 by Pass the Tequila
remove close bracket

[Pass the Tequila]

10 minutes ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

I don’t think I’m spoiling anything if I say that Mau is a maddening, arrogant asshole.

If couples therapy interests you, I suggest listening to Esther Perel’s podcasts.

Hi! Thanks for the referral to Esther Perel. ☺️

Yes, not being mean, but Mau frustrated me a little too. I have seen the episode where Dr Orna is describing to her mentor/support Dr, some stuff about him not wanting anyone to "mess with his system" as a survival tactic. Some of their background traumas are so heartbreaking.. and relatable.

Glad to have found the show and the forum. 🙂

[Auntie Anxiety]

My take on Mau is that he is incredibly insecure; left home at a very young age, dropped out of high school, not college educated (as far as I know) and feels like he’s “less than.” As a result, his opinion is always right, he won’t give an inch because it is too threatening, he can never admit he’s wrong and is a bottomless pit of need. And he wants a spouse who can read his mind.

Anne seems balanced and reasonable. She wants to make him happy but that’s an impossible task since he’ll find fault in anything she does. She’d be happier without him.

[hoodooznoodooz]

1 hour ago, Pass the Tequila said:

Hi! I'm so glad you posted!

I don't know what kind of place this is going to be, to post in. The reason I say this is because I am relatively new to the Primetimer forum, and traditionally post in (and guilty pleasure enjoy) the lighter fluff and occasionally snarky forums. But I don't want to here. I think this is an important and more serious show.

I guess we'll just have to see.

So anyway to get back to replying on point...

I agree with you entirely. I was telling my mum, I am so struck with how brave they are. How human. I am not even in a couple and I relate and empathise more than I ever expected.

And it wasn't all grim. I liked being able to laugh with them too.

You're right about (paraphrasing) the therapist being a key component to effective therapy. But may I also add, that as someone who has had therapy off and on for over 3 decades, it wasn't until I was ready to do the work, combined with a village of mental health care providers, these past 3 years or so that I have noticed an incredible turn for the better. My life was completely off the rails and didn't involve any type of substance abuse issues (despite my username lol) so I found my treatment options were a little "off". I think these experiences are so individual and unique with many variables...but I'm haven't researched stats on the subject or anything. 🙂

Yes you're right! What a great doggers...his/her presence would immediately relax me and make me like the stranger Dr. That's personally speaking. I know some people are afraid of dogs, so I wonder if Dr O SS (thanks for the laugh!) mentions this prior to booking an appointment. I would assume so?

Again so glad to read your post. 🙂

Yay!

Yes, my Primetiming is probably 90% in the snarking forums, but I have found much mutual respect and compassion here as well. 

I think maybe one draw for Mau’s wife could be his sense of humor! Otherwise, yeah, his arrogant a- - -olery can take a seat. 

Hugging you, with your consent, for all the difficult and emotionally exhausting work you have accomplished these past three years. So happy for you. It must feel wonderful to understand yourself now. 

I think you are right. She probably warns them in advance. The 9/11 rescue dog story moves me every time someone reminds me of it. They really care about humans. 

[hoodooznoodooz]

3 hours ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

My take on Mau is that he is incredibly insecure; left home at a very young age, dropped out of high school, not college educated (as far as I know) and feels like he’s “less than.” As a result, his opinion is always right, he won’t give an inch because it is too threatening, he can never admit he’s wrong and is a bottomless pit of need. And he wants a spouse who can read his mind.

Anne seems balanced and reasonable. She wants to make him happy but that’s an impossible task since he’ll find fault in anything she does. She’d be happier without him.

Anne is a saint. I identify with her predicament, staying with Mau until their son goes to college. I have the same plan. 

I agree that Mau’s arrogance is just an attempt to mask his intense insecurities. He is intelligent and handsome, but the traumatic childhood will always dictate his behavior and attitude unless he does the work, which he is too arrogant to do.

It does seem that he expects Anne to be the selfless mom who expects nothing in return. But even a mom is allowed a break after 18 years. They’ve been married 23 years. Pawing at her for sex three times a day? I’d want to stab him.

I think the two women have a sweet relationship that will flourish. I hope they will adopt or try using donor DNA. I relate to the woman with the supershort hair. Being a mom is what I feel I was put on this planet to do. Four miscarriages were incredibly difficult for me, especially in Hoboken where it seemed EVERYone was pregnant or pushing a stroller.

Edited September 15, 2019 by hoodooznoodooz

[hoodooznoodooz]

1 hour ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

My take on Mau is that he is incredibly insecure; left home at a very young age, dropped out of high school, not college educated (as far as I know) and feels like he’s “less than.” As a result, his opinion is always right, he won’t give an inch because it is too threatening, he can never admit he’s wrong and is a bottomless pit of need. And he wants a spouse who can read his mind.

Anne seems balanced and reasonable. She wants to make him happy but that’s an impossible task since he’ll find fault in anything she does. She’d be happier without him.

Anne will do well once she cuts him loose. She’s still gorgeous, fun, intelligent and has so much to offer... someone who actually deserves it. 

Contains a teeny spoiler:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/heavy.com/news/2019/09/annie-mau-couples-therapy/amp/

[hoodooznoodooz]

Argh. Kills me that Annie was still willing to hug/hold hands with that pompous MautherFaucker.

[Pass the Tequila]

On 9/15/2019 at 2:07 PM, Auntie Anxiety said:

My take on Mau is that he is incredibly insecure; left home at a very young age, dropped out of high school, not college educated (as far as I know) and feels like he’s “less than.” As a result, his opinion is always right, he won’t give an inch because it is too threatening, he can never admit he’s wrong and is a bottomless pit of need. And he wants a spouse who can read his mind.

Anne seems balanced and reasonable. She wants to make him happy but that’s an impossible task since he’ll find fault in anything she does. She’d be happier without him.

That's my read on Mau too...and may I add, I found it disrespectful and offputting when he was wandering around the office picking things up and just sh*ting all over this process. It felt a bit passive aggressive towards the therapist and Annie. I'm glad neither one of them took the bait to give him the attention/control. Going in with his mindset was dooming the process from the get go. Annie will be much better off without him, and I can't help but wonder if waiting for the kids to grow up is a good enough reason to subject herself to more of him? I wouldn't last past the first date or encounter with him.

Sarah and Lauren - I think/hope this couple will make it. I thought Sarah's insightfulness to be really impressive. Lauren's description of where she was coming from was very educational (for lack of a better word) to me. I'm rooting for them.

Elaine and DeSean - Elaine can veer towards the dramatic at times but I totally couldn't blame her given her backstory. DeSean seemed like a nice enough guy deep down (and kinda hot lol), and I was glad to see him realise that his actions weren't helping things.

Evelyn and Alan - their relationship seems salvageable? They seem to care about each other, but I'd like to see that car issue resolved. 

ps- hoodooznoodooz, thanks for the supportive words. I've come to realise and am okay with, this being a lifelong "work in progress" type of thing. I'm hardly done. I wish you all the best with your life decisions. Virtual hug with your permission as well. 🙂

Edited September 17, 2019 by Pass the Tequila
off not of

[hoodooznoodooz]

On 9/17/2019 at 7:38 AM, Pass the Tequila said:

That's my read on Mau too...and may I add, I found it disrespectful and offputting when he was wandering around the office picking things up and just sh*ting all over this process. It felt a bit passive aggressive towards the therapist and Annie. I'm glad neither one of them took the bait to give him the attention/control. Going in with his mindset was dooming the process from the get go. Annie will be much better off without him, and I can't help but wonder if waiting for the kids to grow up is a good enough reason to subject herself to more of him? I wouldn't last past the first date or encounter with him.

Sarah and Lauren - I think/hope this couple will make it. I thought Sarah's insightfulness to be really impressive. Lauren's description of where she was coming from was very educational (for lack of a better word) to me. I'm rooting for them.

Elaine and DeSean - Elaine can veer towards the dramatic at times but I totally couldn't blame her given her backstory. DeSean seemed like a nice enough guy deep down (and kinda hot lol), and I was glad to see him realise that his actions weren't helping things.

Evelyn and Alan - their relationship seems salvageable? They seem to care about each other, but I'd like to see that car issue resolved. 

ps- hoodooznoodooz, thanks for the supportive words. I've come to realise and am okay with, this being a lifelong "work in progress" type of thing. I'm hardly done. I wish you all the best with your life decisions. Virtual hug with your permission as well. 🙂

Yes, to everything, especially the bolded.

Sara and Lauren seem to have a strong relationship. Then again, they have only been married for two years. But I like how they are both very willing to admit when they behaved badly. So sad how Sara believed they were punishing her. I am surprised neither one gets jealous with regard to their open marriage.

Elaine has a very good attitude. It’s painful, but she is definitely willing to do the work and really examine herself critically. But I would be so tired of it by now, if I were Desean, who, yes, I totally agree, is very attractive. I’m like him. If someone is annoying me, I withdraw. I detest conflict. 

Evelyn seems so hurt. I like how protective Dr. OSS is of her. 

Does it seem that most of the time, one spouse is way too high maintenance?

(I think it’s great, @Pass the Tequila. Therapy can be like a gift to yourself. You deserve that.)

Edited September 19, 2019 by hoodooznoodooz

[eyebleach]

Well I binged this whole thing last night.  I LOVED it.  I'm a life coach and I have done a lot of therapy in my life and I thought it was just great.  I kind of wish we'd gotten more of each of their sessions but I get why that wasn't possible.

Mau is SUCH a fascinating man to me.  At first I thought he was just a raging asshole and while I still think that, I also have a lot of compassion for him.  He's hurting and he doesn't have the skills or self-awareness to articulate what his real challenges are.  You can see there is a lot of affection and love and comfort there but I think they're both best suited to part ways, coparent their kids, and figure out what's next.  I think for Annie, it will be a beautiful relationship and for Mau, unless he's willing to look at his stuff honestly?  I think he'll always wind up wanting.

[hoodooznoodooz]

8 hours ago, eyebleach said:

Well I binged this whole thing last night.  I LOVED it.  I'm a life coach and I have done a lot of therapy in my life and I thought it was just great.  I kind of wish we'd gotten more of each of their sessions but I get why that wasn't possible.

Mau is SUCH a fascinating man to me.  At first I thought he was just a raging asshole and while I still think that, I also have a lot of compassion for him.  He's hurting and he doesn't have the skills or self-awareness to articulate what his real challenges are.  You can see there is a lot of affection and love and comfort there but I think they're both best suited to part ways, coparent their kids, and figure out what's next.  I think for Annie, it will be a beautiful relationship and for Mau, unless he's willing to look at his stuff honestly?  I think he'll always wind up wanting.

I am binge-watching for the third time!!

Yes. Mau is fascinating. I have less compassion. I met a man on Match.com whose past was as awful, if not worse than Mau's. I decided that I was going to provide him the happiness that he never received but “deserved”. 

He is now punishing me for every slight his mother, father, stepmother, brother, and ex-wife supposedly inflicted.

Not many people can break the cycle. I am hoping I can fix this with my son. 

[Auntie Anxiety]

15 hours ago, eyebleach said:

Mau is SUCH a fascinating man to me.  At first I thought he was just a raging asshole and while I still think that, I also have a lot of compassion for him.  He's hurting and he doesn't have the skills or self-awareness to articulate what his real challenges are.

And therein lies the problem. He doesn’t have the skills or self-awareness but is too narcissistic to admit it. He refuses to change; actually thinks he is the best husband since the dawn of time yet won’t lift a finger to compromise. He is so perfect that he doesn’t have to change anything about himself. It’s the rest of the world that needs to accommodate him (which is the textbook definition of someone with a personality disorder—they refuse therapy because they don’t think they need it while making everyone else around them crazy).

My ex-husband has a narcissistic personality disorder and it was only after we divorced that I learned how to deal with the likes of his type. When Mau told Annie  that she needed to work on herself, my question would have been, “And what will you be doing while I’m working on myself?” We all know the answer (“Nothing!”) That’s when I would have gotten up and walked out.

I understand Annie wanting to stay married until their son reaches adulthood, but it’s a slippery slope. I decided I needed to teach my sons that they should not treat women the way their father treated me.

[Pass the Tequila]

On 9/18/2019 at 6:57 AM, eyebleach said:

Well I binged this whole thing last night. 

Love your username lol.

On 9/18/2019 at 3:18 PM, hoodooznoodooz said:

I am binge-watching for the third time!!

I couldn't wait and binge-watched the whole season as well! And I'm now half way through a second round. Going back to rewatch, knowing more about them makes me interpret what they initially said with a bit more context. I'm thinking of Lauren and Sarah's power dynamics.

So just curious...does that mean we can discuss any episode since we (posting here) are all on the same page episode viewing wise? I'll go ahead tentatively and accept this post being possibly deleted, and also apologise in advance to any lurkers.

One thing about Mau that I wish was explored in greater depth (but I don't fault Dr OSS because he just isn't compliant to the process;)) was his constant need to argue semantics.  What is that? Also why did he even bother going? Sounds like they've been through a few therapists and lasted no more than 3 sessions? (11 with this show). Does that speak to Dr. OSS's effectiveness in managing him well, that kept him involved longer this time? He doesn't strike me as a famewhore. Are they paid to do this? None of them seem like they really need the money or plan to shill on IG.

Omg though, you guys, I'm so glad I found this show...and to read your perspectives. Thanks! 🙂

[Pass the Tequila]

Hoodooznoodooz - I feel sincere empathy for your situation. You seem like a very thoughtful person. I hope everything works out okay for you. I also hope there were some good takeaways from the show. You don't have to say either way. I'm glad you're here. 🙂

[Auntie Anxiety]

2 hours ago, Pass the Tequila said:

One thing about Mau that I wish was explored in greater depth (but I don't fault Dr OSS because he just isn't compliant to the process;)) was his constant need to argue semantics

I thought it was he need to show how smart he is (what it showed to me was his insecurity about his intelligence/education) and to make his oppositional behavior seem “logical.” If he seems logical and reasonable, then he doesn’t believe he’d have to change.

[hoodooznoodooz]

15 hours ago, Pass the Tequila said:

Love your username lol.

I couldn't wait and binge-watched the whole season as well! And I'm now half way through a second round. Going back to rewatch, knowing more about them makes me interpret what they initially said with a bit more context. I'm thinking of Lauren and Sarah's power dynamics.

So just curious...does that mean we can discuss any episode since we (posting here) are all on the same page episode viewing wise? I'll go ahead tentatively and accept this post being possibly deleted, and also apologise in advance to any lurkers.

One thing about Mau that I wish was explored in greater depth (but I don't fault Dr OSS because he just isn't compliant to the process;)) was his constant need to argue semantics.  What is that? Also why did he even bother going? Sounds like they've been through a few therapists and lasted no more than 3 sessions? (11 with this show). Does that speak to Dr. OSS's effectiveness in managing him well, that kept him involved longer this time? He doesn't strike me as a famewhore. Are they paid to do this? None of them seem like they really need the money or plan to shill on IG.

Omg though, you guys, I'm so glad I found this show...and to read your perspectives. Thanks! 🙂

I am always happy to find new posts here. I love reading your posts, Pass the Tequila. You sound like a really interesting, considerate, loving, lovable, inquisitive person. Your friends must really appreciate having you in their lives.

I am not sure if we are spoiling any viewers. (I don’t know how anyone could not binge-watch!)

I think Mau really enjoys correcting people to show that he is superior in some way (in his mind, at least). But the doctor was so wonderful, asking him if he preferred sparring with her to perhaps actually gaining something useful from the session. Love her so much. And when she asked him if he realizes how quick he is to devalue? I am surprised Annie can just laugh it off. How can she be affectionate with someone who is so disdainful of her opinions and thoughts?

Maybe Annie threatened him into attending the session? Maybe she said, “I am going to live in a hotel with our son, unless you go with me.”

Did I misunderstand? I thought they had met with several other therapists, but Mau would never return for a second session, until they started seeing Dr. OSS?

I would really like to know how Mau earns his paycheck.

I am also impressed that they chose such intelligent patients.

[ChelleGame]

This was really a fantastic show.  I hope they do a second season. It was thoughtful and generous and deeply fascinating.

I admit that I cried a few times while watching the couples. I didn't even get out of my pajamas today. I started watching and couldn't stop. It felt like a gift. None of the exploitative reality shenanigans, just honest people willing to bare themselves and their pain.  I found it incredibly brave.

Mau's fixation on semantics to keep from answering real deep-dive questions was interesting to watch. If we stop the flow of emotion to argue about the correct use of a word then the moment and everyone involved is completely blown off track. And then walking around the room and playing with the knick-knacks was another obvious ploy. Whenever they got too close to the core of his issues he'd find a way to divert.

Ona stating to her clinician that Annie held the power made me want to watch again from the beginning.

Thank you all for the posts. I really enjoyed this show. Black Love on OWN circles around the same territory but it doesn't go this deep.

[scrb]

Just got around to watching one episode.

Reminds me a lot of taxicab confessions.  Of course these people aren’t out for a night on the town but to address something in their relationships.

I can’t believe either the doctor or the patients would sign off since therapy tries to guarantee privacy but these people are willing to throw it away?

How did they get shots of the couples at home?

In any event, yeah the cameras would have to be hidden to get such candor.

[Slovenly Muse]

Great article on Vulture about the show, and how it was made, that answers a few questions that have popped up in this thread (confidentiality, compensation, cameras, etc).

https://www.vulture.com/2019/09/couples-therapy-showtime-cast.html

I normally hate reality TV, but I ended up watching this all in one evening. It was absolutely fascinating and so heartfelt. TV shows, especially ones like this without a direct narrative, like to clearly spell out for us who the "good guys" and "bad guys" are so that we have something to guide our feelings when we watch, and I hate seeing complex people and relationships artificially stripped down to "this one's a jerk, that one's a saint," etc, just so I don't have to put the brainpower into actually understanding them. So I was delighted to see what a nuanced, fair, and well-rounded picture they created of the people and problems in these relationships. I found myself basically on everyone's side at once, throughout the season. Well, everyone but Mau, of course. I have so much sympathy for what he has been through, and I can see where all his behaviours stem from, but that doesn't mean he gets a free pass for subjecting Annie to 23 years of bullshit. I was glad to see that he had made SOME progress over their sessions (basically making the tiny step from saying that absolutely everything Annie said was semantically incorrect and therefore invalid, to claiming the problem wasn't NECESSARILY 100% all her and some was "compatibility"), but until he decides to actually work on himself, I don't believe there is a sentient being in this universe with whom Mau could be "compatible."

[Maire]

Thank you guys for keeping this thread alive. Just binged the whole thing today and it was great. I’m a social worker who does clinical work and loved watching this providers approach. Also loved  seeing her supervision because that’s something I don’t think patients consider or know much about.

Im interested in knowing more like whether she offered practical suggestions, homework, or if this was strictly psychoanalysis. Would love to see another season. 

[hoodooznoodooz]

19 hours ago, Maire said:

Thank you guys for keeping this thread alive. Just binged the whole thing today and it was great. I’m a social worker who does clinical work and loved watching this providers approach. Also loved  seeing her supervision because that’s something I don’t think patients consider or know much about.

Im interested in knowing more like whether she offered practical suggestions, homework, or if this was strictly psychoanalysis. Would love to see another season. 

I had a marriage counselor who would assign homework but never followed up. She gave therapy a bad name. She told me that my husband was an alcoholic because I drove him to drink. 

Our next marriage counselor within two sessions realized my husband had no capacity for empathy and was a narcissist.

My husband refused to see her again once she made that assessment.

[ChelleGame]

The show has been renewed for a second season per the Deadline website.  No word on whether we'll get updates on the couples from this season.

[izabella]

On 9/28/2019 at 8:03 PM, ChelleGame said:

Mau's fixation on semantics to keep from answering real deep-dive questions was interesting to watch. If we stop the flow of emotion to argue about the correct use of a word then the moment and everyone involved is completely blown off track. And then walking around the room and playing with the knick-knacks was another obvious ploy. Whenever they got too close to the core of his issues he'd find a way to divert.

Picking on the semantics is also a way to keep the other person off-balance.  It keeps people in the position of always being wrong because they cannot, and are not allowed to, understand.  It's a way of constantly moving the goalposts. 

What a fascinating series!  I love the honesty of it, and give everyone involved so much credit for producing an intimate peek into people lives and loves.  It takes a lot of courage for the couples to do this, as well as Dr. Orna, whom I love.  She reminds me so much of Jeanne Tripplehorn. 

I've only seen through episode 6, so I reserve the right to change my opinions.

I would have a hard time with Elaine if I were DeSean.  That constant need to be in control, to direct and be intentional, combined with her need for attention would feel smothering and exhausting to me., too .  It must be even more exhausting for her to try to keep it together every day.  I feel for her.  Dr. Orna was great at pointing out Elaine detaches from the past and keeps it moving, but the past will not let her ignore it until she deals with at least some of it.  I hope that leads her to seeing a therapist on her own to help her take some steps to dealing with it so she can be free of it.

Alan comes across as someone who maybe wasn't ready to get married when he did.  He is still thinking like a teenager who is trying to get away with something and omits information and lies so mom doesn't yell at him.  And he is thinking like a person who isn't married - me, not we. That makes it impossible for Evelyn to feel secure in the relationship because she can't trust him, which makes her act out her frustration and anger, which just makes him want to come up with better lies to avoid the conflict.  They could work it out, I think, but Alan doesn't really want to be married. 

Sarah and Lauren seem to able to listen and really hear each other, and admit to their behaviors, so I think they are on the right track.   They do move really fast.  Not sure how this baby situation will turn out.

[TVbitch]

Dr. Orna reminds me so much of my favorite therapist who was Brazilian. She did not miss a thing! She was brilliant at detecting micro-expressions and would be like.. "you wanted to cry when you said that" and I would be like, crap!!! :)

Anyway, Orna is amazing and most of the patients were well-spoken, intelligent people who were able to follow her. When Elaine started saying "that's interesting," I knew their marriage would make it! Orna was so smart to be protective of Elaine at first and start with DeSean's behavior so Elaine would feel safe enough to start allowing revelations. Great stuff. 

Mau is totally understandable to me, as I also have a survival instinct that involves manipulating others. I think that is common if your parents violate your trust. Annie must know that this is something extremely deep and core and very difficult to change ...and that's if you really WANT to change. Thank goodness she is of strong mind or he would easily gaslight her. I think she's using the child as an excuse to stay in the marriage cuz she loves him, but deep down she knows it will never be satisfying.  

I enjoyed reading everyones comments!

[Caseysgirl]

I just discovered this show On Demand (I’m quarantined like everyone else) and I am so impressed. I’ve watched numerous reality shows with alleged “ therapists” and this is the real deal. I always enjoy the sessions with her mentor as well.  I appreciate that she is careful that she doesn’t allow her own feelings interfere with her ability to give both members of the couple their due. 

[Boo Boo]

I just watched this and I can't help but feel that Mau and Annie already agreed to end their marriage and had no intention of saving it.  Other than her tragic rape, there never seemed to be any real emotion from either of them.  I think after their 2nd failed attempt at therapy, they heard about this show and just wanted to be on TV.  

I think their marriage was doomed from the get go because I feel like Annie is intellectual and highly educated and he always felt she was superior to him in that way.  Maybe he was an entrepreneur and did well on his own, but he never achieved like she did academically and therefore he exerts his power over her through sexual desires.  He's managed to get her to think it's her duty to farm him out for sexual experiences.

Elaine and DeSean:  I did not like Elaine.  I thought she was the worst.  Her background story was sad, but her wanting to control every movement DeSean made was abusive.  I hope DeSean gets out.  She'll never change now matter how many light bulb moments she has.  

Sarah and Lauren:  I think Sarah's feelings of being punished is always going to haunt them and therefore everything out of place will go back to that fear of punishment.  She needs therapy on her own about this.  I also thought it was suspect how quickly they decided to make a baby -- it was as if they were trying to save the marriage.  Their impulsiveness is something to chase down.  I just didn't see these two making it after the show ends.

Other Young Couple:  Can't remember their names they were that forgettable!  I do not believe the husband was faithful.  He'll never be honest about it.  And she knows he won't.  I do not see them staying together.  And they shouldn't.   

[oldCJ]

Anyone else watch the covid special?

Elaine was still trying to control how DeSean gets to feel. It was heartbreaking seeing how she thought he should just comply and to see how much emotion DeSean has been repressing. His Hulk metaphor was so apt. He lives his life pleasing everyone to be safe in a world where people’s implicit biases and attitudes make him unsafe. 

I am glad Sam and Lauren are still together and even gladder they decided against a baby as a bandaid on the relationship. Seeing them in their backyard of their new house felt like a happily ever after. 

The new couples didn’t suck me in but it was only an hour long. The cop felt like he was trying to stay distant and didn’t want anyone to see any vulnerability, including his choice to play the xbox all day over parenting. It was great to see how he finally bonded with his son though. 

The actress was annoying and emasculating, but given her husband’s multiple affairs I can understand how she would feel negatively towards being physical with him. But seriously who thinks sex after marriage is going to be in fancy hotel rooms with rose petals every time. I guess a girl whose been with the same guy since kindergarten. It was interesting to watch them realize time apart wasn’t their problem. His supporting her half marathon was cute. 

Wish we had gotten an update on Mau and Annie.

Also, it would have been nice if the show introduced on the gay couple they kept showing shirtless or any of the other couples at the beginning. Can you imagine finding out your relationship problems are so boring that you didn't make it into the episode?

[ChelleGame]

I watched this morning. Thank you for posting.

I wish we'd gotten an update on Mau and Annie too.

DeSean made my heart hurt. It could feel his frustration.

Sam and Lauren in the backyard - so great.

[TVbitch]

I didn't even know about the program until I saw these posts! Bummed we are not getting a full season, as I was enthralled by the last one. 

Was kind of sad that they ended on a hopeful note with things getting better in NYC and starting to open up, knowing that things quickly got worse again.  

The actress was exhausting and emasculating. I can see why the husband would go elsewhere for emotional support. Don't condone affairs, but geesh! One minute he's weak, but then when things start to go his way, she tears him down for that. She is an alpha for sure. 

Hope we will get a longer series at some point. Seems like it could have worked to just film it over the internet. 

[hoodooznoodooz]

On 9/15/2019 at 2:02 PM, hoodooznoodooz said:

Dr. Orna Something Sorry is extraordinary. I love her and how invested she is. She needs her advisor to remind her that she must distance herself. But she cares so deeply. 

Ugh. I wish we had unlimited time to edit and proofread.

I am watching the COVID special tonight. I am so excited!

[hoodooznoodooz]

Orna’s shiba inu chasing around her cat but unable to get a paw hold on the hardwood floors. So cute.

The actress. I sympathize. I am sick of men who can’t touch without wanting to have sex. 

But Legally Blonde? The movie was offensive 19 years ago. They still produce the musical?

They sort their books by spine color.

I like Sam and Sam’s spouse. But what was the business model? Please rent my wedding space and I will photograph you?

Was Orna letting clients come to her office after COVID leveled off but not requiring face masks, just six feet?

[Empress1]

There's a new season. Michael and Michal are A LOT off rip. It seems like Michal wants Michael to be someone different than he is - she wants a go-getter and that's not who he is (although if he's a lawyer - I think she yelled at him to grow his law firm - a certain amount of go-getting is built into the profession). I kept wanting her to just stop talking. I found her exhausting. At the same time, I can see how she pushes him (she probably doesn't leave him much choice but to be pushed; she has a really forceful personality) and he finds that useful, but it leads her to feel like she's doing all the work. 

Matthew and Giannini are dealing with a lot - new sobriety has got to be hard.

[Maire]

Love this show and trying not to binge it.

[diet7up]

6 hours ago, Maire said:

Love this show and trying not to binge it.

I didn’t intend to binge watch but after watching the 1st episode I ended up binging all of season 2.   The show is fascinating and just draws you in.   Didn’t realize there was a Covid special until after I had watched all of season 2.  It was interesting to see season 1 couples dealing with Covid in NYC from the beginning and the impact on economics as well as family dynamics from being forced to being together inside all the time.  Also how Dr. Orna discussed with her advisor how to relate and discuss with her clients social justice issues (BLM).  

On 12/14/2020 at 1:58 AM, ChelleGame said:

DeSean made my heart hurt. It could feel his frustration

Me too.  Also enjoyed discussion with Michelle and James (white cop and black wife).   

[IntrovertRed]

I can relate so much to Annie and Mau's marriage.  I think my husband and I would both not be married now if we knew then what we know now.  At least I know I wouldn't.  I'm also comforted that I'm not the only one who is waiting to separate/divorce.  I have plans to do so once my youngest finishes high school.  I'm oh so close and everyday I'm looking at townhomes/condos.  But financially, I'm just stuck even though I'm the breadwinner.  It burns me that I will have to split my 401k with someone who has a shit job history because he's never grown up.  Sorry, I could go on and on.  I hope Annie realizes she would be happy without Mau.

I like DeSean and his complaints with Elaine are so valid.  I would feel suffocated by Elaine.  She needs to ease up or she will push him away permanently.  I think that Elaine could benefit from her own therapist without DeSean.

Alan and Evelyn.  Also can relate.  Alan clearly doesn't want to be married.  And Evelyn's gut is telling her something is not right.  I've learned to ALWAYS trust your gut.  Once trust is broken, it's irreparable.  

I don't have Showtime, but am able to watch through Amazon.  I hope I can also watch the new season and the Covid special.

[Mrs. Hanson]

I just started watching this the other evening and yes I will push through and finish the binge as it is that good.  My take, so far:

Michel/Michal - she is angry about every. little. thing.  She is the classic "please put the towels away and then is mad that he folded them wrong and needs to re-fold them.  I liked it when Dr. Orna was like, "Please stop talking and let me help you."  Then she told her "I won't be here to listen to you to complain about him."  Or something like that.

Tashira and Dru - he seems like a good and nice guy.  Does she feel smothered?  

Gianni and Matthew - the most interesting of the bunch.  Gianni, you did not cause Matthew's drinking, you can't control it, you can't cure it.  Please accept that as you both seem like good people.  This upcoming trip is causing a lot of heartache for people!  

I feel for people who want to wait until their kids are grown, I do, but I could not do that.  My health was at risk  - I was not unsafe but I was just so worn down I could not take it.  I got out when my kids were in middle school.

It was interesting to see the couples in their homes, too.  Michael/Michel have some.......rowdy kids.

[hoodooznoodooz]

2 hours ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

I just started watching this the other evening and yes I will push through and finish the binge as it is that good.  My take, so far:

Michel/Michal - she is angry about every. little. thing.  She is the classic "please put the towels away and then is mad that he folded them wrong and needs to re-fold them.  I liked it when Dr. Orna was like, "Please stop talking and let me help you."  Then she told her "I won't be here to listen to you to complain about him."  Or something like that.

Tashira and Dru - he seems like a good and nice guy.  Does she feel smothered?  

Gianni and Matthew - the most interesting of the bunch.  Gianni, you did not cause Matthew's drinking, you can't control it, you can't cure it.  Please accept that as you both seem like good people.  This upcoming trip is causing a lot of heartache for people!  

I feel for people who want to wait until their kids are grown, I do, but I could not do that.  My health was at risk  - I was not unsafe but I was just so worn down I could not take it.  I got out when my kids were in middle school.

It was interesting to see the couples in their homes, too.  Michael/Michel have some.......rowdy kids.

Have you watched Season One yet? It’s also compelling.

I agree with you about Michal! I also think to some extent she gains something by always shrieking that she does everything and he does nothing.

I love seeing Orna at home with her son and pets.

[IntrovertRed]

Michal wrote an article for Newsweek talking about her experience on the show.

[Mrs. Hanson]

23 minutes ago, hoodooznoodooz said:

Have you watched Season One yet? It’s also compelling.

I agree with you about Michal! I also think to some extent she gains something by always shrieking that she does everything and he does nothing.

I love seeing Orna at home with her son and pets.

Yes, watched season one the whole way through.  The sex addict guy was on my last nerve.

I have known Michal's in the past and they never EVER change.  They end up divorced after about twenty years, too.  (I am 56, btw.)  Look, make enough money to hire a part time nanny or a twice a week housecleaner if it is such a burden, and one more thing:  STOP HAVING KIDS.

[hoodooznoodooz]

9 hours ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

I have known Michal's in the past and they never EVER change.  They end up divorced after about twenty years, too.  (I am 56, btw.)  Look, make enough money to hire a part time nanny or a twice a week housecleaner if it is such a burden, and one more thing:  STOP HAVING KIDS.

She’s so angry at him now, all the time. She thinks getting pregnant again is a good idea? Imagine how angry at him she’d be when she’s pregnant.

Edited April 29, 2021 by hoodooznoodooz

[Mrs. Hanson]

8 hours ago, hoodooznoodooz said:

She’s so angry at him now, all the time. She thinks getting pregnant again is a good idea? Imagine how angry at him she’d be when she’s pregnant.

I think they have three kids now, I am not sure they are having another.  I wrote that as an homage to people who seem to have kid after kid after KID and are like, "Why are we so busy?  Why are we so busy?"

[hoodooznoodooz]

It’s interesting that Matthew tells Orna that Gianni needs attention and affection from him very, very often. I think they told us that Matthew won him over when he presented him with a flower on stage.

[Empress1]

On 4/29/2021 at 12:12 AM, hoodooznoodooz said:

She’s so angry at him now, all the time. She thinks getting pregnant again is a good idea? Imagine how angry at him she’d be when she’s pregnant.

I fell out when (in s2E05) Michal was basically like "the sessions have all been about how Michael is doing everything wrong and I'm great, can we look at that?" and Orna was like "Girl, what?"

[hoodooznoodooz]

Michal, in episode 7 or 8, states, more or less, that 

Spoiler

she doesn’t enjoy her life. She worries about her children so much. She won’t be able to relax until she knows that her children will be okay.

But she really wants to have another baby.

[TVbitch]

I could watch an episode of this show every day (and give up General Hospital) because it is such compelling drama! 

I think all the couples made significant breakthroughs. I cried at the end of the last episode, cuz I believe they all just might make it. (Last year it was clear some would not.) When they showed Matthew and Gianni in Italy, I was so happy for them. Matthew was carrying so much heavy baggage and was such a beat down Eeyore, but he really came to some good self-awareness. It was nice to see him lighten up and start enjoying sober life with Gianni. 

Michael is super chill and carefree, which irritates a type A worrier like Michal, but they do seem to have a fun, friendly and intellectually lively relationship. (They reminded me a bit of Mau and Annie in that way, except that Mau would be impossible to live with, whereas Michael actually IS committed to Michal.) If she can relax a bit and he can step up a bit, I think they will be fine. It seemed to be headed in that direction at the end. 

I thought Tashira was gonna be the one who couldn't change this season, and Dru might need to accept that he was chasing after someone who was simply unavailable for relationship. But darned if she didn't have a breakthrough and start to let Dru in. ....the magic of puppies! They seemed much happier in the epilogue footage, and got engaged! 

Glad they only had three couples this season. It was enough and allowed me to remember each couple's circumstances more deeply than when they had 4-5.