KerleyQ

Seriously. She's looking to dump him for the guy who dumped her ass, at her cousin's funeral, for the life size Bratz doll, because she brought 10 cent parachute men and cold truffle fries to the party. You never look back, honey. Never.

Or, at least, a Joke Off!

I loved pretty much everything about this one. Meet Your Second Wife is a sketch we immediately rewound and watched again, just to catch all the little things we might have missed the first time. Hard to pick a favorite part, but I think it's between Taran's "oooooooh noooooo" and Tina's "yeah, you're daughter's going to love it." If we didn't get "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" for the goodbyes, I was going to be so disappointed. Loved Sir Paul showing up (him being one of the masters of the third song in the goodbyes and all). Two Hillary's and a Sarah was great. (Although a tiny part of me wishes we would have had a Bill "oh God, they're multiplying again" quick shot). Every time my 13 year old hears "Baby, it's Cold Outside," he says "it's the Bill Cosby Christmas song!" So, naturally, he loved that little bit. I hate to ever be shallow about anything Tina/Amy, but this isn't technically about them, so much as fashion in general, so... Who the hell designed that awful dress Tina was wearing in the monologue? It's not a slight on her - I can't imagine anyone wearing that dress and me ever thinking anything other than "who the hell thought this was something that would look good on anyone ever?" That was an aggressively awful dress. Overall, I loved this episode. My birthday was yesterday, and when I saw the "Next week..." card during last week's episode, I might have done an undignified squee. This was definitely SNL's birthday present to me.

I haven't watched yet, so, is Ivy basically telling Liam "I'll drop the restraining order (and this whole issue) if you dump Bratz and get back with me?" Um, Ivy? You do realize, of course, that Waffles could agree with your plan, dump Steffy, take you out on a date or two, and then, when all the legal drama has been halted, at your doing, he can waffle right on back over to Steffy, right? And, once again, you would have shot yourself in the foot, because Steffy would, of course, fire you with a swiftness once you dropped everything. And good luck getting the restraining order back in place when Liam tells Lt. Hot Dog that you agreed to drop everything to get him back, and this is all a plot to get Steffy out of the picture so you could get her man. Not that I think Liam would think of all of that on his own, but, once he no doubt goes running to Steffy to tell her that you wanted him back like that, she'll have zero problem plotting that obvious con. And that rant isn't even taking into account the elephant in the room - why in the ever loving good name of fuck do you want that waffling douchebag back? I've had bottles of milk capable of a more long term non-waffling commitment. You have a guy who you seemed to be perfectly into before this, one who would not dream of waffling on over to some other girl, one who was ready to forgive you for macking on your fucking cousin, one who has been demonstrated to be superior in the sack, and you're all "eh, but he's waffling weasel of a brother, who dumped me at my cousin's funeral, might be willing to take me back for five minutes to save his current love interest from prison!" I can't even.

Oh crap, did Sonny burn down the clinic and sex up Ava on it's ashes?

I'll just be over here weeping for what could have been - a Sonny-free GH.

But what she's found out now is that, yes, he was hers, without the lie. So she did lose him. He found out who he was, and he still wanted to be with her - he didn't go running to Sam as she feared. So, in that sense, he was hers, regardless of how shaky she might have thought that was before he found out he was Jason. I think that's the punishment element of it here. She's been shown that if she hadn't kept the secret of his identity, he still would have wanted to be with her now, but she kept it, so he left her. Her situation really and truly is "if you hadn't lied to him, you'd still have him."

Forget blackmail, just make sure it gets into Lt. Hot Dog's hands ASAP.

It would at least make some sense if this led to Wyatt and Ivy eventually having it out and discussing how he's being so lenient towards Steffy because he's still pissed about the Thomas thing, and he feels like what Steffy did was her punishment for that, or something.

But he was "hers" before the lie came out. Even after he found out who he was, he had every intention of sticking with her. He still loved her and had no desire to reclaim his life as Jason Morgan after he found out who he was. Had she not known the truth and covered it up, then he would still be "hers." Whether anyone thinks they belonged together or wanted him back with Sam aside - he was with Liz, he intended to remain with Liz, and because she lied, she lost him. To her, that was a big, big loss. That's her punishment, in that a punishment should be something that feels like punishment to the person. This absolutely feels like punishment to her. Therefore, it's a punishment. I mean, if they ever had Sonny lose all of his ill-gotten gains (I'm thinking financially here), that would be a punishment, regardless of if we say "well that money never should have been his in the first place, because he got it through crime." He still had it, and it was still his until he got busted and lost it. That's punishment, it hurts him. Or, when Michael (all too briefly, sadly) turned on him, you could say "why should I care that he lost a son that was never really his son in the first place?" But, he was his son, despite the way that went down, and losing Michael is one of the ways that absolutely hits Sonny the hardest. It was a (way too short) glorious and fitting punishment.

I'll definitely be disappointed if we don't see her feel guilt eventually. But I just object to the idea that she should be the one who gets her life carpet bombed over this when there is so much worse that results in what's basically a metaphorical hang nail for the guilty party.

Hell, I'm still trying to figure out how she "always does stuff like this" to go along with the "Liz always skates" thing. She suffers consequences more severe, relative to her "crime" than most people on this show. Liz is quite possibly the only character on this show (outside the old folks) who goes years between actual relationships. When she loses someone, say, Lucky, she actually loses them, as opposed to the temporary loss everyone else in town suffers when they do something shitty to those near and dear to them. Now she's lost Jason. He's not going to come running back all "all is forgiven, you're the best!" after she hurts her foot stepping on one of Cam's Lego pieces (which, let's face it, is the kind of trauma Sonny would have to suffer to have everyone return to his Mooby bosom after an offense on this level). And, unless they remember Ric is a human being who exists, it's probably going to be another long damn time until Liz has an actual romantic relationship. Contrast that to Sonny who, after murdering an unarmed man in cold blood, spent about 5 minutes playing yard boss in prison, before escaping and getting pardoned. About 5 minutes after that, he had his whole family back in the fold, including the son whose father he killed and the son whose girlfriend he banged in the first son's father's crypt. Carly didn't even do a single minute of time for covering up Sonny's murder of her son's father, and she also got her son back pretty damn quickly. Jason fucking kills people for a living, and he's revered as the town saint. But, yeah, Liz should lose her job, her kids, her friends, etc, for a fucking lie. It can be like when courts slap rapists on the wrist and then throw some woman who acted as a drug mule for her boyfriend in jail for decades.

I'm almost positive Lucky knows that Liz knows.

I wouldn't blame Monica for wanting to find a way to take her job as a way to lash out at her, but fuck Obrecht. That bitch has no leg to stand on here, for so many reasons: 1) She hired her buddy the serial killer to work at the hospital. 2) She fucking shot Liz in her living room. 3) Oh, yeah, she's a criminal whackjob who is far more complicit in what went down at Crichton Clark than Liz could ever be. She definitely does not get to try on any shade of indignant at Liz's deceit.

The best part of the Sasha character, for me, is the daily mystery as to how my program guide will have her name listed. She's only been here, what, three days, and I've already seen Sasa, Saha, and Saya. Also, the guide lists the stars as KKL, JMW, and TK. I demand to know who made that decision.

The first guy in the second row of the focus group, one of the two guys who didn't drop his Trump face at the idea of registering Jewish people, scared the crap out of me. We're talking "this guy is going to come through my TV and eat my soul" levels of creepy. And "I don't know" was the answer to why support him because "he appeals to my inner racist" isn't a socially acceptable answer, especially with a camera in your face.

"Not only is your father my Grandpa's brother, but my brother wants to bone you. We're family twice over!"

And it's not like they were in this long term relationship where he's already completely invested. I feel like they still barely know each other. There'd be no shame in deciding this is too much drama and peace-ing out here, Zende. Move on!

Really. Any time Carly says anything like this, people should be like "Um, Michael eventually spoke to you again despite that whole 'accomplice after the fact' to his father's murder thing."

So, let me guess, we're going to have poor misunderstood Steffy. Everyone will think she shoved Ivy or something, and she'll be so persecuted. And we'll be expected to root for her to overcome and get her life back. Does cackling gleefully if she loses everything count?

Since Saturday is my birthday, I'm looking at Tina, Amy and Bruce as SNL's present to me.

As long as we prefer them to our family being eaten by bears.

They would have absolutely no idea what to do with themselves, and break up in, at most, 15 minutes. Shhh!!! The year isn't over yet!

I think Ron got off on the idea that he was a "powerful" enough writer to take someone over the brink and then reel them back in and make the audience care. I mean, he's wrong, but I honestly think that's his thought process.

Well, of course. We're all just a bunch of bored housewives who only require some dimples and abs to be happy.