Irritable

So Yolanda stayed with a man for 30 years, had 6 of his children, and absolutely knew he was a criminal. This wasn’t a shocking discovery at the end when he suddenly went to prison out of the blue, she knew exactly who he was, for decades. This makes me 100% less invested in her story, and now I’m just as suspicious of her motivations as I was of Williams. I guess she just wants to be on TV, which, I know no one is on a reality show that does not want to be on TV, but when it’s this blatant and there’s no story of substance to pull me along ... meh. Can’t care.

I thought the editing of Giannina after she ran off was suspicious too, but in HD you can still faintly see the dirt stain on her skirt. She and her mom must have made it a priority to try to remove it before she went to talk to Damian afterward. Jessica seemed to REALLY ENJOY getting all dolled up in her wedding gown and smiling like crazy all the way down the aisle for someone who knew she was just showing up to say no. One thing about Kelly that always bugged me is that when anyone compliments her, she nods and says “I know”, without ever saying thank you. I guess they were given a choice between two venues, and everyone chose the more Southern option except for Jessica.

What did Amber mean when she said she’s married instead of going to jail? Can’t wait to see the reunion?

Maybe the Air BnB didn’t have any/enough cutlery for everyone, but they found some chopsticks in the junk drawer. I picture all 6 of Yolanda’s kids huddled upstairs in completely empty rooms, waiting to be called down to “dinner”.

I'm now a nervous wreck worrying about poor Yolanda. She is lonely and naïve, has been out of the dating world for 30 years and has no idea what it's really like out there. I just want to wrap a blanket around her and guide her away from the internet, like you might do to someone who narrowly escaped a house fire. She's too good for this show, and I don't want to watch her get hurt. The guy on the phone sounded middle eastern to me, definitely NOT British, and also sounded like someone I would not be able to bear speaking to on the phone at all because he's mumbly and has no charisma. She could step out her front door and throw a rock in any direction and probably hit a man who is a better prospect than whatever is hiding behind those photos of "Williams". I agree that it's time for her to find a companion, especially once we learned that the last 6 years of her marriage her husband was in prison - she has been single and lonely for a very long time. I just watched a show on Netflix called Dating Around, and there was an older man in his 60's, widowed, who would have liked Yolanda so much and treated her wonderfully. But if what Yolanda wants is a younger man with a stripper body, that's going to greatly limit the pool of prospects for her. I would feel bad for Ed if he hadn't cheated on his wife and fucked everything up himself. Not only is Rosalee younger than his daughter but she looks like an actual child, so him being so instantly attracted to her appearance grosses me out. If I saw a photo of a man who looked 12 years old, I would not think he was hot. And having her child call Ed "daddy" is as yucky as it has been every other time we have seen it on this show. These poor, confused children. I loved the Russian friend who did not pull any punches whatsoever about why a young Russian woman would do whatever it takes to get to America, and that she is not envisioning a country life in Tennessee, but a glamorous city life that he isn't offering. It gets frustrating to see all of these people get excellent, accurate advice from everyone around them just to completely ignore it and do all the stupid shit anyway. I'm horrified that Angela 2.0 is named Lisa because that is my name, too. A million of us were named Lisa after Elvis and Priscilla Presley named their daughter Lisa Marie - there were so many of us in school that teachers had to give us nicknames because one classroom might have as many as 6 Lisas in it. I am still in touch with a lot of Lisas from my childhood, I recently met a big crop of Lisas at a conference full of women in my age group, and I can tell you that as a general rule, we Lisas DO NOT look or behave like this one. She is a haggard mess, and I don't know why she bothered to not smoke in front of the cameras because one look and listen tells us she is a serious chain smoker. I can smell her from here! She might also be a pretty big drinker, those bags under her eyes make me think she partakes A LOT. The amount of smug confidence that she has because she believes she snagged herself a hot young Nigerian rap star is quite off-putting. She really has become convinced that she is something super hot and special to have landed this man, and that offering to have unsafe, hairless sex with him is all she needs to lock him down. She is a very unintelligent woman, and her personality does not make me feel protective over her the way I do for Yolanda. Whatever happens to Lisa with all of this nonsense is fine with me. I'm not looking forward to Darcy, she doesn't even seem like a real person to me. She's like an overfilled blow-up doll that a mad scientist tried to make sentient, but all he managed to infuse into her was desperation, neediness, and the mission to FIND. LOVE.

I was most surprised to see Gurki going into a Vera Bradley store. She does not look the type to dig those products. Honestly, I'm surprised there is a VB store in NY at all, I thought she catered to suburban soccer moms and suburban teen girls almost exclusively. I was able to correctly guess who the person chose for their second date every time, so that was fun for me. Leonard's story was most interesting for me, maybe because I am closer to his age than the young ones, or maybe because the women said things like, "I like to take my teeth out by 8 pm" and "make it a double". The woman he chose was so lovely, and her voice had me hypnotized. I wish it had worked out for them. And I wish she was my friend that I could meet up for coffee and shopping, or whatever. She was such an interesting, soothing person. I did not enjoy the first guy at all, Luke I think his name was? He was so basic, and all the witty banter came from his dates. The food smacking woman was insufferable to me because I have misophonia and cannot tolerate eating sounds at all, I genuinely want to commit murder when I hear those noises. Mila was so beautiful, and seems like a huge catch. I liked her choice for Date 2 the best, also, and am sorry they didn't work out, but also I kind of could see why they wouldn't work as a serious couple. What I've learned the most from all these dating shows is that I am SO THANKFUL to be married. If I had to deal with the dating world again, I would absolutely just become a hermit cat lady and call it done.

A thing that strikes me about inmates figuring out that some people are part of the 60 Days In program is that if they understand what the show is about, then they have no reason to dislike or endanger the participants. They are in there to bust the jail for poor standards and practices, not to bust the inmates. They are actually on the side of the people doing real time, and should be seen as allies. Except the cop - of course no one in there is going to be thrilled to know a police officer is among them. She hasn’t tried AT ALL to not act like a cop, it’s almost as if she wanted to be figured out because it “proves” how great she is at protecting and serving. She really bugs me, but I do appreciate that she and the religious woman have worked hard to help in there. It’s one thing to say the place is a mess and needs improvement but they are actually getting their hands dirty. Whoever gets the top bunks get a window and a shelf. The bottom bunk gets a table that the top person has to step on to get in and out of bed. I would possibly be willing to get into a shank fight just to secure the top bunk premium real estate.

Considering how Lauren feels about sharing a toothbrush with the man she has sex with, she probably needed to take a Silkwood shower after seeing Jessica share a glass of wine with her dog. Luckily, the dog is big enough and the amount of wine was small enough not to do any harm to him, but it was still just gross. I'm actually curious as to what exactly goes on with Jessica's eyelids. I'm 50 and mine aren't like hers at all yet, they are still smooth except for at the lash line, which has gotten a little crepe-paperish. If she's really in her 30's, I don't understand what has caused all that … texture, as acadia so kindly put it earlier. And if she is making so much money, is so incredibly insecure about her age, and is as vain as she clearly is, I have to wonder why she hasn't had a little cosmetic work done to pull them a little tighter. I'm not a big proponent of elective cosmetic surgery, but in cases like hers, where it seems like an easy fix that isn't overly invasive, and would do SO MUCH to alleviate some of her insecurities about aging, it seems like a pretty simple solution.

And there was Dennis, saying once again that he's running the pod. His delusion is absolutely mind boggling to me. What the hell does he think he's the boss of? He's running things because he was able to get a shank? (That was a very scary shank, too!!!) Dude, almost everyone in there has some kind of shank, you being able to acquire one does not make you the pod boss. Shanisse taking her food with her was such a dick move! If I liked her better, I would almost appreciate how cold it was, but I find her insufferable, so it was just another moment that proved what an asshole she is. Just because she is miserable in there doesn't mean her only option is to out everyone else in the program. And wow did she ever overreact to whatshername saying "This is jail" to her. I had grown very weary of her constantly saying she was "about to" go off on somebody, she was "about to" snap, she was "about to" do this and that. Lady, SHUT THE HELL UP AND LEAVE ALREADY! So utterly self absorbed that she couldn't remember why she was there in the first place, or that she was the one who signed up for it. She left there truly believing she was some kind of victim of everyone and everything. Who gets the girl's cell who kept flooding it with toilet contents? There's not enough bleach in the world that would allow me to sleep in any of those nasty rooms. I'm so thankful that I am way too afraid of consequences and punishments to ever do anything that would land me in jail. I've had one speeding ticket since 1995, and that's as close as I've gotten to real trouble. Mr. Irritable feels the same way - we've already done our taxes because we were afraid to get too close to April 15th and possibly incur a late fee. Being a boring, law abiding citizen has its advantages, and shows like this and LIVE PD have helped me embrace the fact that we do not live thrilling lives on the edge of the law.

The wedding packages from production most likely require them to use the same venue, the same decorations (including those fake rose petals these people are constantly throwing all over the floor), the same fake candles they have in their home spaces that they had to drag out for their special dates, the same metal wine goblets, and some faux fur throw blankets. Everything else is on them. Barnett looked pretty nauseated listening to Amber talk about how "they" needed to pay for the wedding because her mom has already done so much for her. Considering she came into this letting everyone know what a "badass" she is because she was in the army and is a tank mechanic who can shoot a gun, she sure is a wimp when it comes to regular daily life. I think a badass is someone who works hard to pay their bills and doesn't expect help from everyone around them so that they can just float around like some kind of princess. She's also pretty emotionally and psychologically fragile, for a badass. She repeatedly has said she doesn't think she could survive it if this doesn't work out with Barnett? She is nowhere near as tough as she wants everyone to believe she is. I have to say, I did not understand from the beginning of this series that the actual wedding day - in fact, the actual wedding CEREMONY - was supposed to be the big moment when they decide if they want to get married or not. It feels weird to me that even the officiant at GiGi and Damian's wedding said things like "We HOPE to celebrate a marriage today" and "IF they get married, blah blah love stuff". I guess that's part of the rules, and why Lauren has been acting so mysterious about whether or not she is going to say "I do" at the altar. It feels gross. I'm not sitting here hoping for runaway brides, I'm not drooling as I wait for all the drama to unfold. I want happy people in love, that's one of the things I like about this show, that it feels real between most of them, and that makes me feel warm and fuzzy when I watch it - UNLIKE THE BACHELOR SHOWS. I can only assume that it's GiGi who runs away and falls down in the dirt in her beautiful dress because Damian changes his mind, and as much as I do think she's not ready to be a good partner until she gets her fiery, hair-trigger temper under control, I'm not going to enjoy seeing her get hurt like that. One of the big appeals for me is that most of the time the couples have real conversations, they discuss things like actual adults, and they use real words without inserting "like" a thousand times into every sentence. It's not very on-brand to suddenly make them sort of trick each other into wondering what is going to happen when it's time to exchange vows. It feels like a cheap gimmick for a show that up until this point has had one of the most solid premises for finding love on reality television.

I’d like to know how they got so many overhead shots of Atlanta when the traffic isn’t a gridlocked nightmare. Jessica’s dog is fantastic. What a good sweetie! Mark continues to be an excellent human being. I do think it’s strange that Kevin and Kelly still hadn’t had sex at this point. That was surprising.

Watching Jessica is painful. She leaned so far away from Mark on the sofa while meeting his roommates, and leaned so embarrassingly close to Barnett during their agonizing “talk”, where she kept insisting they had a deep connection and how there are 48 hours in a day and she thought about him 46 of those hours, too drunk or dumb not to notice how much Barnett is not interested in her AT ALL. GiGi is kinda mean. She’s very immature, and it has become clear why she was single. Cameron continues to be too intense for me, but he’s so sweet and I love how much he loves Lauren. Amber tries too hard to have a big personality. Throwing her head back and laughing like a braying donkey comes off so fake. I’m surprised they hadn’t already talked about her financial flakiness well before this point. I liked seeing their real living situations, that was interesting. The age gap sure was evident in Jessica and Mark’s homes!

I feel bad for Mark, he seems like such a lovely person ... mature, fun, kind, positive, loving, open. He deserves SO much better than Jessica whose entire issue with him is that she doesn’t want to fuck him. Her entire issue with Barnett is that she desperately wants validation from him that she’s never going to get. He’s not going to dump Amber for her, so she will keep going back to poor, sweet Mark for ego repairs. I agree that Jessica was a major embarrassing, disheveled mess the night she drank too much. Yikes. She should indulge less, brush her hair more, and let Mark go find a woman of the same quality he is.

I agree that the best thing to ever happen to Diamond was finding out who Carlton really is this early. He’s immature as hell, takes his insecurities out on her, contradicts himself within the same sentence, throws things, acts like a whole ass when he’s not getting exactly what he wants. He’s a good catch for no one, man or woman. I smile so big and stupid every time Lauren and Cameron are on. I’m rooting so hard for them that I feel like I’ve got something personal on the line. He’s a bit too intense for me overall - I need a lot of levity with short bursts of emotional intensity - but he talks so pretty, and is so head over heels for his beautiful woman that I can’t blame him for staying so deep and serious. When he told her that first morning together that it was like waking from a dream into another dream, I swooned.

As badly as I feel for Shanice, I have to admit that if I had to listen to her talk about her celiac problems ENDLESSLY, I would start to lose patience and hang out with her less. I have rheumatoid arthritis and if I talked about it every time I was in pain, I would never shut up or talk about anything else, and no one would be able to bear my company. I keep it to myself unless a specific situation calls for me to mention it, and I think Shanice would be better served by focusing all of that energy into reporting it to the CO on duty at every meal, submitting written complaints 3 times a day. And of course, reporting it as part of her findings at the end of the program - a huge problem not ever exposed on this show before, which in itself makes this season successful despite the cast dropping like flies. I hope this show starts a chain reaction somehow that causes the correctional system to do better when it comes to the special nutritional needs of inmates. It can’t be THAT hard to make gluten-free fruits and vegetables available to such a small percentage, especially now that the person in charge of the food budget at this facility isn’t crooked as hell anymore.

I can’t wait to feel like a monster every morning when I put milk in my coffee, for the rest of my life! I actually didn’t mind Joaquin’s speech, other than feeling called out for my ignorance about the horrors of dairy farms. I thought it was beautifully worded, concisely delivered, that the overall message was ultimately a mostly positive one, I didn’t disagree with any of it, and it didn’t give me that awkward oh-no-is-this-drunken-rambling? secondhand embarrassment that others in the same position previously have. Despite his efforts, I’m still going to consume dairy products because that’s just who I am as a person, but I heard him. It’s possible that I was more accepting and patient of his speech because I’m a HEEEEYUUUUGE fan of his performance as The Joker. I thought he was perfection in that role, and that the story was an exceptional take on mental illness and the crisis of insufficient health care for it. I thought all of it was brilliant, including the soundtrack, so I was happy the composer won that category. Bummed the director didn’t win, to me he really deserved it.

I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me, but I actually had feelings and smiled during Anna and Mursel’s wedding???? I would have chosen a very different gown for her, but Mursel seemed genuinely blown away by the sight of her in it. They do seem to have some real love in there among all the weirdness, communication problems and family stresses. I don’t see how it’s enough to make a marriage work and last, but the heart makes these decisions, not the mind. I hope they don’t end in permanent-damage-causing disaster. Her younger sons were very sweet about what is such a tough situation for them. I’m unclear as to why Syngin and Tania we’re running so far behind for their wedding, considering they don’t have jobs. But this is the dumbass who had months to get the shed livable for herself and Syngin, but decided instead to just lie and say it was done, and sit on her ass instead until he got there and could do it for her. How in the world did they not show up super early to set up? Neither one had written their vows? No one knew she didn’t have a photographer until an hour before the ceremony? She didn’t have time to bathe before wedding dress, hair and makeup? It turned out visually nice (except for the live action tattoo part), but I wonder how late the ceremony started. I have no hope or expectation that they will last, and actually hope they don’t, for Syngin’s sake. However long they make it, I expect their life together will be a disorganized, flighty, flaky mess. What in the name of all that is holy were the things tangled up deep in Robert’s hair when he took it out of a ponytail? I felt so bad for that hair stylist, having to pick all that stuff out and then manhandle the unkempt mess into something presentable. Anny looked lovely. Bryson is such a beautiful child, and seems to be the only good thing she is getting out of this deal. It will be sad for Bryson when she inevitably leaves, but if Robert ever had “peak years” they were over a long time ago, and now that he no longer has to promise her things that will make her life nicer she can forget about a 2 bedroom apartment. There’s only so much money he can ever make as a driver because there are limited hours in the day. This is as good as it gets. If she finds a decent job, that will only give her the freedom to leave, she’s not going to want to be the one to support their lives while he’s paying child support for his other 4 kids. I giggled when he said he would “love her for his entire time on this urf.” I have no opinion about boring Jasmine and Blake. He’s smitten, for some reason, and she gets to be near her sister, so meh, maybe they will both be happy enough. Whatever. My only opinion about Angela and Michael is that I am PISSED they didn’t wrap their shit up on this episode. They are going to be back on for another season, and I can’t take another minute of their story. It’s my God-given right as a taxpayer to not have to see them ever again, dammit!!! I’m so ready for a new season of fresh couples ... and Darcy. I’ll just fast forward past her stuff, because like Michael and Angela, I have reached my saturation point. I feel like this season was so bad there’s no way the next one won’t be better.

I love Captain Glenn so far!!!! But I also really liked Sandy at the beginning, so I’m prepared to change my mind as needed. I would be so embarrassed to leave the boat such a mess for the new crew to deal with. Ashamed, even. I am not immediately disgusted or infuriated by any of their personalities so far, but based on the preview for next week I guess the Breast Feeding Deckhand is going to gross me out pretty good. Gotta say, the concept of a yacht of this size and grand caliber also being a sailboat is not appealing to me, from the standpoint of a being a potential client. Which I am not, there is no potential that I would ever have enough money to charter a yacht, but let’s pretend I could ... if I want a luxury boat vacation it would not include at any point tipping from side to side, requiring me to tightly grip things while I listen to objects falling and crashing around throughout the boat. I feel like sailing and luxury are mutually exclusive, and if you want the thrill of sailing and keeling back and forth, do it on a sailboat and then go on a motor yacht for fine dining, 5 star accommodations and service. I can’t believe how large the galley is. The whole interior, really. I expected it to be less nice somehow, more utilitarian. I wish I had that cutlery drawer with the inserts - so organized! And ... bare. There’s a lot of stuff that can get thrown around in there, but I guess in such a dangerous environment it’s a good thing there are no knives! Looks like this season the obnoxious brus are going to be charter guests and maybe not crew members. Depending on which guy it is, I might really enjoy watching him slip and faceplant into the water.

The lack of Missoula, MT genuinely makes my heart hurt. I miss Captain Bill Burt very much, and am not happy that he is out there kindly handling all the bear and elk misdemeanors without us. Sadly, I’ve gotten to the point that I FF past the SC segments because they have become monotonous. Officer smells weed, calls for K9, dog alerts, vehicle and occupants are searched, drugs are found, probably a gun, maybe someone runs and gets caught a few minutes later. If they ever legalize marijuana in SC then I guess the patrol officers will have a lot less to do. I will always appreciate the cameramen focusing on pets and animals wandering around during calls. The chihuahua peeking out from the lady’s camper door (With the broken out window) was adorable, and I was dying to get my hands on the giant cat that kept cruising by. I get so mad when someone is being cuffed and arrested for violently attacking someone, but then they demand gentle handling because of their own aches and pains. A guy repeatedly stabs his brother in the face and neck until the knife breaks, but he wants the police to double cuff him and handle him with great care because of his painful rotator cuff issue. Hmmm... I wonder which hurts more, his shoulder or his brother’s STABBED UP FACE? The officer kept saying the fight was about beef stroganoff, but it clearly was not about beef stroganoff. Not a shock that the guy $60, 000 in arrears for child support didn’t want his face shown, then we find out he’s a registered sex offender, too? Awesome. What a scumbag. I am always riveted by the close call footage, dash cam footage, and crazy things caught on street cameras like the hideous beast woman who tried to drive through the school crossing guard, and the guy being hit by a truck whose gun flew out of his pocket on impact and scared the driver away. So glad both of them are not seriously hurt.

I’m intrigued! I think the painter recognized both of them in the photos, but it could take a second to click because if she knew them in college, they would look a bit different as men than they did as boys. Not sure if she was able to see it was Jamie in the car later, but she probably figured it was because no one else would have had a reason to drive to the scene and leave when they saw her/police there. It feels like Jamie was probably a follower who did some ugly things with him back in the day - came from a broken or messed up home, lonely, odd, vulnerable, exactly the type to be easily pulled into a close friendship by someone strong who knows exactly who to look for when they want a partner in crime but to be the one in charge. It would make sense that later in life he might have pushed extra hard for his own happy, normal family life, a do-over, redemption. The last person he would want to see is someone who can disrupt or derail that by dredging up whatever things they did before, but to let him die just to protect this new image of himself certainly indicates whatever bad they did was extreme. And considering what we know from this series, I’m planning to brace for whatever that reveal is! However, If they DID know the painter from their bad days together, then it is probably not a coincidence that Jamie ended up living near her, so that means it’s not really all just things left behind in college days. Maybe he was trying to help her hide in her solitary life because she was traumatized by something they did to her then? He promised to protect her, and since they were driving straight toward her he panicked and wrecked them just to make sure they didn’t actually get there - letting him die was sort of a “bonus” to end the threat permanently, but for me, even though we saw that he made that choice, the medical examiner was wrong that emergency responders could have saved him if they had arrived sooner Even if Jamie had dialed 911 immediately, he died within 3 minutes, he never could have been saved.

Mykenna’s Girl Power speech about how strong she is, how courageous, how amazing and special, how she has fallen deeply in love with herself because she’s such a great, positive, optimistic person who stands up for herself now, would have been more convincing if she hadn’t been ugly crying through it all. I don’t want to see any more of her trying to “fake it till you make it” through her insecurities. She’s not tough enough for the Bachelor world, and needs to not be on Bachelor in Paradise, please. I don’t want to see her face crumple up anymore, it makes me sad, and I’m only here for the snark.

I have an idea how they could have shortened this from 3 hours to 30 minutes: Show Peter busting his head open on the golf cart and his cocktail glass on a loop for 15 minutes, show shortened footage of why certain women don’t like each other, show 2 rose ceremonies back to back with no date footage, end with showing him busting his head open one more time. Perfect episode! I’m so glad there was video of his accident, because his description wasn’t enough for me to envision it accurately.

I didn’t expect Peter to be SO BAD at this. He’s a real disaster when there are no windmills around.

I didn’t realize when I binged all 4 seasons that the finale was the last episode ever. I would have tried to savor season 4 more had I realized that. I choose to believe they had a hard time getting back to shore, but they made it because they were together. It’s too dark for me to think of them drowning with the two kids trapped in the car. It would be a ridiculous ending for this family, so I rebuke the idea.

The finale gave me just enough information to frustrate me into a small rage. I wanted to know more about how Jericho’s body had been dealt with. Was it handled officially after all? Did the husband get his sense of taste and feeling back when LeeAnn left and the doll was back? Why did the splinters stop a couple of episodes back? Was she giving his senses to the “new” Jericho? Why had the “uncle” slept in the crib during his last visit? Why did the whole cult show up to retrieve LeeAnn? Is she who the cult worships, but she got sick of them and went looking for Dorothy who had been professionally nice to her once, more than a decade prior? How would LeeAnn have known Dorothy was looking for a live in nanny? It’s not like she would put an ad out with her name on it. How did LeeAnn know to bring Jodeco back to life but did not know the circumstances of his death? Why did the cricket and the dog come back to life presumably for good, but the baby was back and forth between alive and doll throughout the season? Why wouldn’t Dorothy have called the assistant chef to come do something with the giant slab of ham so it wouldn’t just rot on the kitchen table? Why wasn’t Dorothy admitted into a mental health facility for an extended period of time after the baby died instead of handed a doll to help her live in pretentious denial? What was the reason for feeding the guests her placenta? If the little girl wandered into the party by mistake, who called the police to give them Dorothy’s name and address for the Amber Alert without saying a word about it to Dorothy? I mean, AAAUUUUGGGGHGGGHHH! I feel like Charlie Brown after Lucy pulled the football away at the last second.