CletusMusashi

Please let King Zeke style Daryl's hair.

Hey, Maggie. Bring the tractor.

Yeah, no army in history has ever made use of farmers.

Quick! To the Peemobile!

Yay! It's 90 minutes minutes of FPP! Thank you, Santa!

They said watch for two code words. I'm gonna guess "stuff" and "thangs."

Oh crap. It's almost time and I'm not even drunk yet.

Carol needs to get back into the game and infiltrate Thugville. Come on. Carol, Eugene, and a gunpowder factory?

I want them to trade stupid Wells for real Wells as soon as possible. And I want them to get rid of Whiny Wally. Maybe Grodd will keep him, like that time that the gorilla fell in love with Gilligan and wouldn't let him out of the cave.

I've got it! The familiar face isn't going to be a character from the show. It's going to be a famous celebrity who they all recognize from before the zombie apocalypse. You know, like when the Harlem Globetrotters would guest star on "Scooby Doo" or whatever. This week: Camp Dinner Bell meets... The Rock. (Five minutes later, of course, zombies eat him.)

Were there any Termites we saw who didn't die onscreen? Or Wolves? It's pretty hard to think of anybody Rick has ever met who isn't dead. Maybe Jacqui was shot under a dumpster by the explosion and survived? Or... we never actually saw Morgan's son die. Maybe he just thought he did. And we know what happens when we assume!

"Rock in the Road" is one hell of a title for a genre shift, though. I have to admit, I love the musical hypothesis. Foghorn Negan and his henchcocks chase CDB around, in and out the woods, and occasionally everybody just random;y stops to play fake rock music? I'm in! How could that possibly be worse than the previous half we just sat through? So I guess the real question is: Who plays what? Rick is obviously the front man. So, lead singer and rhythm guitar? Daryl is actually as good at the physical part of being Rick as Rick is, but not as willing to talk, so Daryl is lead guitar. I'm kind of torn between putting Michonne on bass or drums, but here's the thang: I think that the way Coral currently looks would be way more entertaining on drums, so there. Michonne certainly has the timing and stamina to be a great drummer, but if she's playing bass she's easier to ogle, so... either way's good. Eugene would play keyboards. Probably very slowly and cautiously. And think that he was the epicenter of the group. Jesus wold play the banjo. Because, god damn it, I want a banjo. And Jesus is apparently the go-to deux ex macho characterino. It would probably be a violin, though. Father Pee Pants would translate his organ skills (I don't know if he has any, but what do you WANT me to assume he plays, the ukulele?) onto the only keyboard instrument left, the xylophone, and then we could very slightly alter the lyrics to "St. Alphonzo's Pancake Breakfast" to "blah blah blah (whatever's happened recently) Pee Pants (blah blah!)" Or he can go back to the land of disposable babysitters. In which case Tara steps in. And she might actually know ukulele. I guess Morgan would be the bouncer, and Maggie would be the band manager, and Maggie's office assistants Sasha and Carol would kill anybody who got past Morgan. And Judith, of course, would play maracas.

He'd be more plausible if he did something while sitting around. Like, when he was just randomly sitting on the steps when Archie approached him, I was like "Why isn't he smoking?" Then I remembered that texting is the new smoking. So, OK, fine. Why isn't he texting? Sixteen year old kids do not just sit there, patiently, waiting to say one sentence and then move on.

No way in hell is she fifteen. Not for what I'VE got planned with her this weekend! Mwahahahahahaha!

Why does Archie act like the Pussycats are the only musicians in town? I mean, his best friend is the daughter of Alice Cooper!

Familiar faces they could find... hmmm... Evil Morales with a Governor eyepatch? One of the old ladies from the hospital in Season 1? Merle's disembodied hand? With a face drawn on it? Anyone whatsoever from the Grady arc? Perhaps one of the lollicops has taken a vow never to rape or kill again, and now wanders around like a kung fu hermit carrying a giant lollipop-staff? Bonus points if he keeps flashing back to his teacher, Lord Fluffington. Or maybe it's Shane's formerly-evil identical twin. Or maybe Glenn came back as like a vampire or mummy or something. Or Future Judith looks just like Lori and had Future Eugene build a time machine out of cardboard boxes, microwave dials, and old car stereos. The so-called "new community" is probably Tigertown, and the familiar face is probably just gonna be Carol. Either that, or the familiar face is just gonna be another "Ha ha! Look! Negan is here, too!" Because he has absolutely nothing better to do all day than follow the protagonist around annoying him. Because, ultimately, he has the same agenda as Bat-Mite.

I smell an iZombie crossover! Please?

Does Sabrina have time travel spells? My answer for everything that doesn't make sense is going to be witchcraft. How does a heterosexual teenaged boy not want to have sex with Betty? Witchcraft. Why aren't all the kids playing with their phones instead of talking like real people? Witchcraft. Why are people just randomly named "Moose" and "Jughead?" Witchcraft.

There are only three good things about the show so far: Betty, Veronica, and more Veronica. Mostly, it's like they rounded up and slaughtered all the Archie characters, cut off their skins, and stretched them over the cast of "Generic CW Teen Drama 14879B." And why is Moose called "Moose?" It used to be because he was big. Now, it's just weird. Also, shouldn't Sabrina be here? Granted, her own show wasn't exactly great. But it was a far cry better than this crap.

Archie should get with Betty. She, apparently, needs him. Veronica doesn't. You know what Veronica needs? A creepy old bald man from Cleveland with a Henchman 21 avatar!

God damn it. We were so close to finally being rid of that fool.

Deleted.

If Michonne gets a standalone, it has to be Negan-free, though. He talks enough as t is. Imagine if he also had a chance to fill the "void" created by all the silent acting they give Danai.

Hey, check out this headline: http://screenrant.com/walking-dead-season-6-midseason-finale-wall/

I believe his new name is "Haircut."