Uncle JUICE

For me, it boils down to first and foremost she wants to protect her children. There's simply no reality in Westeros wherein her children live happily ever after and Rhaenyra is queen. Otto is right in that the realm will go to war over it, which means the most expeditious solution available is simply to murder Alicent and the kids to protect Rhaenyra's claim. The converse also seems true: the only way to truly protect her children will eventually HAVE to be Rhaenyra's death. I'm not sure Alicent is more interested in the idea of having her son sit on the throne than she is just having him alive, but as it turns out, the two are inextricable. She doesn't seem "power hungry" to me, she is too resigned and disinterested looking whenever the king's not around, and she's more of a tool in a scheme than a schemer so far. Honestly I don't even think she has a great idea of what to do with Cristin's situation, how to use it, what to do about it yet. Cersei would have had a plan three quarters done by now.

YES we can talk about it. It was interminable! I felt like it was 40 minutes long. Were people like really entertained by that shit back in the day, or did some lord or lady come up with that stuff and then everyone kinda HAD to pretend to like it, then it sorta took on this life of its own? Where every noble feast they're like "Look, everyone's doing that weird slow dragon dance, I don't PERSONALLY get it, but if we DON'T do it, then we might look like the weird family who doesn't 'get' it, right? I guess we better learn it. So shuffle aimlessly this way...shuffle shuffle shuffle...now mime a high five but don't touch...and shuffle shuffle the other way, yes, crushing it...now hands on your hips, walk away, yes yes...holy shit this is lame. Now, best upgrade to this dance is to sneak glances at your secret lover while you prance, try it!" Edit: Now I'm stuck in a mental scene where one of the courtly ladies is all "Yeah girl, GET IT!" while they do those super chaste dances. Or what moves would qualify as controversial and provocative. I'm sitting there watching it thinking "Now's the time to hit up that feast table again, this is boring as shit, did they open the lemon cake bar yet... "

Have to agree here...she's essentially his boss. Except if he starts pushing back on these demands, he's literally going to get killed in some horrible way. So yeah, I'm sure having sex with Rhaenyra was really pleasant at least, but it's not just somewoman he eventually came around to the idea on. Displease the princess...lose your post and probably more. Do what she wants, great, she's happy, but one loose lipped servant and you're gelded and sent to the wall if you're lucky. PS I hope we get to go to the wall.

Couldn't close the deal with Myseria, the woman he was having sex with in E1, and couldn't get it to work with Rhaenyra, I'm fairly certain the show runners have confirmed he is not one of the...stone men, if you know what I mean.

Can't get his...uh...dragon "rider ready," if you know what I mean. Problem with his...uh...red worm not wanting to, uh, take the sky, if you know what I mean. His...uh...blade...isn't exactly made of...valyrian steel, if you take my meaning. He has dick problems. Just in case I was being too obtuse. :)

This is the Westeros version of Mike Ehrmentraut's retirement in Belize. I will use this often now.

I didn't think her dress declaring war (lame, I'm sorry, but it is) was about Rhaenyra's side piece, rather about how she's not going to just have Aegon set aside as easily as all that now that there's a threat Rhaenyra may have a child with Ser Stupidhair. In my mind had more to do with what Otto said before he rode out (speaking of, you're the former hand of the king, they can't provide a carriage for you??? Can't wait until it stops raining? Wouldn't he have had to have his stuffed packed out of the Tower of the Hand?) about the specter of war over succession.

Who's got lamer house words: the Hightowers or the Tyrells?

These two problems are sort of related: by having the giant time jump next episode, and no explanation for his not dying offered during this episode, how the hell do you explain it now? Should have figured it out before doing the time jump. That altercation is getting to be a way bigger deal in my mind than the show made it, I mean seriously. Doesn't someone have to answer for that guy violating guest rights? Either he instigated something toward a kingsguard, or the kingsgaurd went rogue and just killed the hell of out that guy for no reason. "He threatened the princess / king" is not enough to justify beating him to death when there's an entire squad of guards who could have subdued him and then tried him. Ugh, why did that guy get to live, I really hope this doesn't turn into Jaime Lannister surviving the loot train assault. SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME A THEORY THAT MAKES SENSE OF IT.

I thought the little scene of him killing Rhea Royce was...confusing. It's a crazy low percentage way to kill your spouse, I mean if that horse doesn't fall on her exactly right, then what? Better off just disappearing her.

The scene on board the boat was really rough. There is zero chance they could have had such an animated conversation, so close together, without anyone starting rumors, which is basically how (I think) Lord Longmouth or whatever Raggedy Andy's boyfriend was called, figures out the whole "They Fuckin'" secret so quickly, basically taking some rumors and whispers, and filling in the few blanks left. Ergo, that conversation on the boat contributes to the vicious beating that guy ate. What I do not understand is how he wasn't detained and summarily executed for murdering a member of a high lord's retinue at the king's pre-hearsal dinner. Seems really weird to me. Back to the boat scene...I kinda wish Rhaenrya was a little more firm in response. Basically "Wait, did you actually think we were going to get married and run off together? Grow up, sir." THIS.

LOL, I just want the manager's voice to burst in with "SHUT UP AND MAKE THE GOD DAMN HAMBURGER, THE NEXT VOICE I HEAR HAS TO PUT ON THE ROLLERSKATES." Pictured: behind the drive thru at Sonic apparently.

FUnny you should mention, this is a trap I feel like the Progressive with Flo and Jaime commercials hasn't fallen into. Those commercials are pretty consistently funny and creative, and have somehow created a bunch of characters I feel like I know. My favorite was the one where they went to Jaime's house for a party and were shocked by how cool he was on the downlow. Had a hot wife, played spanish guitar and had this incredible voice, it was good.

The answer is almost nothing because the internet is full of weirdos who'd do it for nothing. BUT, it does raise the question, if there's a professional junk smeller, does anyone ever ask him or her how their day at work was?

I have one that's not pharma...fucking Sonic. It's the way they make it seem like twelve team members are in there working on whatever you ordered. "Applying the aoli!" First of all Sonic, relax, it's mayonnaise with oregano in it. Second of all, shut up everyone back there, just make the food. "Putting the cheese on the burger!" "Putting burger on the brioche roll!" I like that one only because in my version, it doesn't end with the kid's indignation. It ends with the mom saying "What, I was blowing your dad after he fingered me at the end of the block, because you're constantly up our ass for some reason about why we're out late. Get over yourself." CUT.

I cannot for the life of me imagine how it was that a human being kept a straight face listening to him describe his plan: a yard chockablock with shipping containers he's somehow retrofitted into a space suitable for human occupation. After the work he did to get Tayler's sister into the garage (honestly, how many exposed wires were in that place), who can doubt him. Is there anything more detrimental to an individual's mentality than confidence that's completely unearned in any way? Clearly not a contractor and when the municipality inspects that hovel (which they will have to do in order to "rent it out"), they're going to be in for quite an expensive surprise.

Get off my corner, chef Dave. This is my brand.

Doesn't help that less than three hours ago in viewer time, she was 15, and she looks in no way appreciably different now that she's 17 or 18. ETA, truth be told, I was kinda uncomfortable with my assessment of the scene where Cole rode the dragon for the very same reason. She still looks like the child we met in E1.

Same. I can't override my body's reaction when he starts touching and kissing her either. It's disgusting. Read a room, douche, she does not want you that way. AT ALL. And never will.

Me too, but only because it makes possible that one day a Frank Lannister or a Mark Velarion shows up. Not everyone can have cool names!

I'm with anyone who says pass on a Jon Snow sequel. I'd 1000X rather watch a romcom where Tormund tries to get Brienne to break her Kingsgaurd vow of celibacy every week with new seductions that only result in the famous Brienne "look" of confused revulsion. Give me Tormund, hiring a band of bards, standing outside White Sword Tower with a blue rose while they play the Westerosi version of a Bryan Adams song. Some rando Kingsgarud knocking on the Lord Commander's door, "Lord Commander, uh, your buddy's outside again, he's got a whole catering cart this time." Brienne opening the door gruffly with a "He's got a WHAT?"

I had it totally wrong anyway, according to woiaf. It's basically a birthday. So why not say birthday? Who knows.

Well read sir or madam...I'm going to hide it because it might be "book" spoiler-ish even though it has literally nothing to do with any plot and I'm not even sure it's correct, but I'm pretty certain...

I noticed it, but tried not to because it will send me down another rabbit hole. I got the whole idea of the Sons of the Harpy in the GoT timeline (Danerys very publicly tearing down the statue and all it stood for atop the pyramid giving rise to this group makes sense), but I'm not exactly sure what the Sons would be doing (a) this far west and (b) what ideology would drive them 180ish years before Danerys is ever born. I'm not saying there's no explanation, but this seemed too cute by half to me. Give him another mask and I have zero questions and far less mental explaining to do! Also why give him greyscale then expect me to believe people would be cool with huddling up in a cave with this dude for an extended period of time. All in all, this was not a villain worthy of being featured in both the opening of the episode and the last person seen in episode 2 (if I recall). He's basically a nobody as it turns out.

Puh-REACH. It's no small problem for the show. In the 100 + years since the Conquest, only one society has managed to resist dragons in a military sense, Dorne, and they were in the mountains of their home land basically doing guerilla warfare. I'm still not sure that makes perfect sense (supply lines are still required), but these are the Stepstones, and a band of pirates. It's like in order to ride a dragon you have to be a strategic idiot, and once you as the viewer recognize it, you can't unsee it. This very fact, as you point out, ruined 2 entire seasons of Game of Thrones.