Bugfrey Von

Bruh. Whitney is a person of true faith getting on that swing set. I could hear it screaming 4000 miles away. Her body dysmorphia is astounding as ever. I was watching the show with close captioning on (because I'm 100 and I like that shit) and <pig oinking> in anticipation for the following pig segment was on my screen while Shit was squealing away on the swings. Will the producer shade ever end? (<--Please, never end)

OMG YES. She is so flirty with her dad. It's uncomfortable to watch and Glen looked pretty uncomfortable as well. It's just wrong all over. Her understanding of relationships is so skewed, like when she was rubbing up on Ashley trying to "induce" labor. Ashley looked super uncomfortable, I just don't know why no one tells her to stop. I don't want you to smell my breath, I don't want you to feel up on me, I don't want to see you naked or in various weird states of undress.

I don't think Whitney had the right to announce anything about Buddy, and I especially don't think it was right for her to out Tal. I sincerely hope that Buddy stays away from this group, but he won't. Also, Heather, your boyfriend and alleged love of your life just wrote us letters from rehab, but "I'LL READ MINE FIRST". There is nothing - NOTHING that is not completely about Whitney. Never does she think to say, hey Heather - this is pretty terrible for all of us, but you must really be going through a lot. Also, I interpreted Buddy's letter as a big "IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S MEEEE, LIVE YOUR LIFE, BE FREEEEEE" kiss off, but all Heather saw was a big heart. She needs to move on, man. I really don't know what's with this nit-Whit wearing a bikini top to swim laps but hey, anything to get a rise out of dear old dad. I maintain that I don't think that Whitney is a bad person, but she has been enabled, to such a disgusting degree, that ever acting like a normal human being seems unlikely. The pig thing is stupid beyond measure.

Oh em gee, I thought the same thing. I thought cocaine kept you svelte! Per Whitney, Buddy hasn't paid rent in months and his parents get (i.e.-PAY FOR) his phone bill every month. He has no expenses but food, coke, and throwing an occasional pizza at Whitney. I know a lot of bartenders that develop a coke habit because of the hours and accessibility. Buddy gives me the alcoholic vibes, what with his terrible pallor, slurred speech, and rapid weight gain. He is a ticking time bomb and getting the fuck away from Whitney will save his life. That dance was terrible. Todd looked like he was chocking on a dick half the time and Whit looked like the heavy breathing cat. I said it.

I am PUMPED about this. I know it's trash, I KNOW, but this might be my favorite trash show ever.

Goddamn, but Glen is tired of Whitney. He cannot stand to say more than 5 words to her at a time. I can't say that I blame him, she was downright embarrassing at that golf course. 2 golf carts. That's not so fabulous. I think baiting Whitney with a 5K was an insane waste of money. She's going to bitch and moan throughout the entire thing and walk it in 5 hours. Again, not so fabulous. Also, the bikinis and tank tops and ill fitting bras in Hawaii. Good god. Way to make Ashley's baby class ALL ABOUT YOU. She is thisclose to calling herself a miscarriage victim. THAT is disgusting, especially to all the women that have actually suffered through a miscarriage. Fuck you, man. That cat was freaking cute, I don't care what anyone says. I was really irritated with Babs' reaction to the kitten being "ugly". If Buddy is missing, he needs to STAY MISSING. Being on this show is the worse thing that could have happened to him. Meh, it wouldn't work. That infamous chocolate candy scene with Lucy and Ethel - it would be a cake walk (HA!) for Whitney. She'd have no problem shoveling those bon bons in. It's no fun watching someone eat their life away, which I think presently, is this show in a nutshell.

I’m convinced that most people that come into contact with Whitney end up not particularly caring for her, if not downright hating her.

That niece seriously has taken this "opportunity" to an entirely new ridiculous level. Sobbing because they can't recount family stories? What? Huh? The lipstick and extreme contouring was too much. Lort. Help that woman's tiny broken brain. Maybe she and her bulimic aunt can start a reality show and realize everyone's dreams. I'd watch, who am I kidding?

OK, so I finished the episode. The ONLY reason Shit is reuniting all of these girls is bc she wants to assure herself that she is the hottest and fittest of all the fat girls. Why would you read your cheating ex's text messages? I think that Shitney's grand plan is to kill all of the competition by taking them on hikes and betting on heart failure. She was so jealous of Nada and the fact that Avi obviously cares for her worlds more than he ever cared for Shit. She was LIVID that he barely acknowledge her. She was pathetic with her use of "us". You think you can do this to US? You think that WE would ever forgive you? You owe US an explanation. He barely registered that she was there. Even in a situation like this where there are no winners, Shit still loses bc he is petty as fuck. She is more unlikable tis season than ever.

What a fucking try-hard. Whitney's "OMG, you smell so good! You look so cute! How adorable are youuuuuuu?" bullshit with Nada was terrible! She seemed seriously uncomfortable to me. I'm an asshole, but I'll say it: That poor damn bed. I'll only feel truly engaged in the Avi drama if we find out that Alistair the Pig was also part of this love pentagram. Otherwise, BOR-FUCKING-ING. No1currr.

SCREAMING. I was sick recently and (don't judge me) watched some of the first episodes of MBBFL. Buddy was a different person. It's actually pretty terrifying. Lay of the cereal and, ya know...meth. Being on this show is the worse thing that could have happened to that poor man. Whole milk and sugary cereal? Pizza? Whitney just does. not. give. a. fuck. Speaking of the good old days (2 years ago), Tal has really become a sniveling little shit, hasn't he? When the show started, he definitely gave Whitney the old what-for, mocking her at times, not taking much shit from her.... How the times have changed. Todd was given the role of villain this season, he can barely stay in character. Eye-rolling. ASHLEY'S idea to go to the bridal store is soooooo stupid. ASHLEY forced our poor girl. ASHLEY made her get in those dresses. The dresses were hideous. What was Whitney wearing walking into that store. What was that? How dreadful. And sitting on the couch and walking around the store in her underwear? Fuck no. No one should do that shit. No one. No one wants your shit stains on the couch, Whit. I hope that salon got compensated dearly for that little exercise in masturbation. I know that if I walked into a boutique and saw ANYONE prancing around in their sweaty underwear, I'd be out. Goodbye! That little "She doesn't look better than you" dig Babs had toward Heather was unnecessary. Babs wanted Buddy and Whit to get together, but he obviously preferred Heather. 1900 dollars. Girl. GIRL. Also, when the barnacles start to show dissension in the ranks, you know it's time to let it go. Let it goooooo!

I was screaming, SCREAMING with joy that this ratchetness had finally gone down to my hometown in Miami. I used to see Trick Daddy at a gas station close to my best friend’s house all the time. He looks a little bit like an old woman now. He needs to take care of that lupus. I don’t know what soundstage or studio that “Sin City” style shot Miami Tip and that Bobby person shot their under the bridge scene, but it ‘tweren’t Miami. That child Bobby needs to chill. He’s doing too much. Fuck that producer and his racist ass. Latinas have so much pressure to look or act a certain way - sassy, fiery, but not so much that it intimidates their white counterparts. I have seen it a million times, Latinas who happened to be black, pigeonholed. It’s not fair and it’s not just. Go, rock that Afro and fuck that guy.

Oh man, that "ice cream social". Lemme tell you, I would have gone to the supermarket and get some delicious high-end, NON-BUCKET ice cream and spare my ass the monstrous embarrassment of that party. I think it's a great thing that Whitney has ::deep, pensive breath:: allowed ice cream back in her life. Goodness knows she needs it and it's a necessity in her life. I just cannot. The barnacles are actual children. No ice cream is so good that I'd put up with seeing my ex and sitting on a couch with him while he stuffs his face. I get the vibe, and I might be completely wrong, that Heather probably thought that she was throwing old Buddy a bone by dating him. I totally sensed that "stank" voice that he had been talking about with Whitney. Break-up. It happens. Good God. Speaking of God, she is so glib and flippant about religion that it's ridiculous. This storyline needs to GO. Jew-bu my foot. Also, bullshit about going without bacon. Bitch, please. Are placentas kosher? Her family is over it. Pea-brain? Whitney never does anything right? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hunter was turning purple at that dinner. Also, I'm only about 15 minutes into the new hour and the tomfuckery is at a 10. WHAT DOES SHE EVEN HAVE TO ATONE FOR? SHE HAS PCOS!!!!! DOES SHE HAVE TO FAST IF SHE IS PERFECT? ...sorry for yelling. :P

Point taken. I guess I wax nostalgic for what this show might have been - a story about a young, confident woman making strides to make herself healthier (if not necessarily smaller) and interacting with her fairly harmless group of friends. But you're right, she half-assed it and feels like her peons (i.e.-friends) need to bow to her every whim. She's an obnoxious theater kid given too big a stage. That said, I cannot WAIT for tonight's full episode.

So, so, so....Whit isn't going to be on the radio anymore? What happened with ROY? What happened with her crush on Buddy? What happened with her jealous feelings toward Heather? What about the Greensboro Grasshoppers? Will the trainer? Alistair the pig? Are we never to know about this cast of miscreants and their ends? Whitney is a puzzling person. On one hand, although I snark like it's my job (sometimes while AT my job), I find it hard to hate Whitney. She's used her limited means and created a whole world of moneymaking possibilities. On the other hand, we are witnessing MBFFL's version of "Before the 90 days"...in that this is the "Before my 600 lb life". It is shocking to see her grow exponentially every season. She must be uncomfortable every moment of her life. It's obvious that the life of one obese woman means nothing in the grand scheme of things, but she is perpetuating a falsity that she is happy, that a person at her size can be healthy. That's not how the human body works. It's just not. Standing in place winds her. It's irresponsible. Her friend (I forget her name)....I am so freaking happy for her. Go get them fresh buns, girl! I think the tide is turning with that friendship. She bristled when she said she was going to take the "class" away from Todd. That's her cousin, Whit. She don't think you're cute.

Road trip to save the pup and Steven's cat!

Nicole is such a fucking asshole. She delights in torturing her mother. Mother Nicole, play it smart: Offer to keep May to help keep giant jerk toddler's move to Morocco smooth. Without May there, Azan's family will throw her out so fast, her head will spin. Added bonus: When Nicole is on the plane, you can throw out every single device that poor child has her face buried into and teach her to, I dunno, speak? Poor David's wedding was really pretty, Annie looked lovely. I understand that he is a shit parent, but don't go to the wedding if you're going to pout about "your birthday" the entire time, Ashley. It's trite and boring and it makes you look immature. It's not Annie's fault your dad went MIA.

On a scale of 1-10, how hot is Elizabeth's sister for Andrei? The pouty lips, the batting of the lashes... I would punch my sister in the mouth if she acted that way toward my fiancé. "I'm down, let's do it!" ::BLUSH:: :GIGGLE:: How's that wealthy husband working out? I also don't understand the sexy setting. Why not meet in a coffee shop? A nice, intimate restaurant with drinks. No ma'am. Sister Elizabeth, you are not the keeper of matrimony. Stay in your own lane. Elizabeth, you made a good choice. Do you, girl. Wear your crazy lipstick, ignore your philtrum - fuck it! Your sisters are jealous and you are going to be just fine. Luis is a piece of shit. I'll admit I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, being a step-parent isn't easy, leaving your home isn't easy.... but good god, Lemon! What a fucker he turned out to be. He knows that Molly is stuck now, married to him. He should be ashamed of himself. How godly he is, giggling while she's crying, fixing himself a drink with a smirk on his face and checking his phone for fresh porn while Molly bawls in the kitchen. Jeff doesn't seem like the violent type, but he should tell Luis to keep away from his vodka. That'll get that bible thumping hypocrite on the next plane right quick. Kinsley is a little too sassy for my liking, but it broke my heart to see her concern over her mother. Kids don't deserve to be part of this reality tv garbage. I think Molly thought this was going to be another fun chance at being famous - she wasn't counting on her little boy toy to be such a garbage can. He didn't take your ring, Molly, because it's as fake as he is. Learn from this asshole and stay off the television. David needs to please spend some of his Chris allowance on a stylist or personal trainer. I really felt happy for Annie for a minute, I thought that she'd high-tail it home. Again, on one hand, you have 2 water buffaloes, new gold, dowry money in Thailand. On the other, you have a man who gets an money from a friend, no means of supporting you or your future children. Think on it. Evil-yn saying how she knew David was the one when he realized SHE was the one.... LMAO at David's face. Bruh. The life that awaits you. It's going to be the Evil-yn show FOREVER. Her mom's (very sweet and sincere) reaction was completely shit on by her smirk. Has there ever been a more precious and adorable human than Evil-yn? I mean, really. He better tell her that she's a goddess every spare moment he has. Josh, buddy. Give Aika her baby. Make good on your word. She seems like a smart, capable person. Keep your dingleberry friends out of your ear and you'll have a happy life. Your mom is awesome and you turned out to be pretty decent.

You're totally right, she should. Which means she won't. This dummy relishes the attention she gets from everyone for her bad choices. So, let me math. May is 3. Nicole was with May's father, another "daddy" figure, AND Azan in the course of less than say, 2.5 years? She's pretty fast moving for a giant toddler sloth. I love and adore how much Ricardo and David's friends have Evil-yn's number. They probably have a running bet as to how long this silly ass marriage is going to last. Maybe when Evil's mom shows up at their place 8 doors down with lingerie and the Kama sutra.

I agree with you completely, I don’t think I articulated my point very well to begin with. I think that we both see the same points, respect for a step parent has to be earned, but in the situation of our star-crossed assholes, this was never going to happen. The girls don’t respect their mother, how are they going to respect a 26 year old Lothario with which they don’t share a language and has ZERO patience with obnoxious behavior from children? (<— I feel like that part is really culture based, as I mentioned before, kids in the DR learn very quickly that back talk is met with a swat.) Disciple should be the domain of the “real” parent, but it’s incredibly frustrating when that parent has zero control. Also, may I add that I hate when Molly says that he has to step up and be their dad? The girls already have fathers (as Kinsely pointed out) and what he needs the be a good step-father, a support for their mother, someone they can come to for advice, who can offer an ear, a shoulder to cry on, etc. Luis took one look at how sour Olivia was with him and how disrespectful Kinsely was and clocked out. He wants nothing to do with anyone in that family, except for Jeff.

Ug, sort of an anti-climactic episode. David Poor is more of a shit than previously imagined, if possible. Hookers, child abandonment, drinking (that we knew about), possibly other elicit stuff.... what a charmer! Annie needs to gather her thoughts. Reach out to Nicki and (gross) Chris and ask for a ticket back home. You'll have your new gold, the oxen for your family, and the pictures of you at the Hollywood stars....and subsequent sex shop. For Nicki and Chris, it's worlds cheaper than helping her trudge along with her sauced Prince Charming for the next 10 years. Cut your losses, folks. David Poor's daughter was rough, but rightfully angry and it will save Annie her YOUTH. Get out while you still can. Luis is a boring ass hypocrite with his love of strippers and porn and drinking. I really rooted for Molly in this one. Breaking up would be the best thing for both of them. I (kind of) understand (while disagreeing with) where Luis is coming from. Molly's kids are wild, by everyone's admission. Olivia is snide, Kinsley is a brat. Luis, growing up in a strict, Pentacostal home, sees all "idols" as evil, and rather than attributing the girls' behavior to their own upbringing, blames things - the Buddha head, the birds, whatever. He wants o-u-t. Having said that, like many people who drink the holier than thou Kool-aid, he fails to realize that he has the mentality and motivation of a teenage boy. Molly wants him to play dad, but doesn't enforce any rules or have any say over her kids. He can't play dad until she says that's enough. It's all or nothing with step-parenting - the second the child realizes your opinion holds no weight, party is over. As far as kids being different in the DR, yeah, I totally see that. Back talk gets a smack in the mouth with Caribbean kids, that sassy shit is not cute. If I had spilled ice cream on myself at 6, my mom would have had me clean myself off and ya! No more ice cream, next time you'll watch what you're doing. He lost respect for Molly when he saw how ineffective (in his mind) she was with her girls. It ain't gonna work. Evelyn and her Spanish beau. FUN FACT! Spaniards invented the missionary position. Get used to it. FUN FACT II! David is never leaving Claremont. These two insufferables deserve each other. This is what you end up with when everyone is so far beneath you, I guess. Josh, she wasn't saying she was going to sex up another guy. She's saying, so you WANTED me to try with another man? Past tense. She said it when he brought up her age. Why she wants to have kids with this fetishizing gecko is beyond me, but whatever. Libby lurves the attention she's getting from Andrei and her sisters. Easy fix for getting your phone taken - don't give it to them. If they take it anyway, you don't budge until you get it back. She was getting ready while complaining about her foul sisters. BE PROACTIVE. You're not getting my phone, fuck you, try it and I'm out. Bunch of jerks, the lot of them.

My guess is that there’s gonna be a line! ??? Damn you, 90 day fiancé!

I am SALIVATING thinking about next week’s episode. Some thoughts: -I saw fear in Chris’ eyes during his wife’s confrontation. David Poor was cool as a goddamn cucumber. If I’d have been in his shoes, I would have felt a mixture of shame, regret, sheepishness.... his face looked like he was daring Chris to cut him off. Buried bodies, indeed. David Poor knows what you did last summer, Chris. And you know it. -LOL, Evelyn. Fun fact, your honeymoon is going to suuuuuuck. Douche-chill Spaniard David needs to have a glass of vino tinto and calm down. It’s evident that he overcompensates for his vast insecurities with an air of (dare I say it???) elitism. If everyone is beneath you, you don’t have to make connections, you don’t have to open up, you don’t get hurt. I’ve been wondering why a worldly, fairly intelligent guy would choose such a yokel bride. Princess snowflake Evelyn is a self-absorbed provincial virgin who barely registers other people in the room. As long as he’s got a mirror in the room during sex, he could be playing the fiddle across the room and Evelyn won’t notice. Evelyn’s reaction to David not shitting his pants with adulation and ecstasy at everything she does still tickles me. -Azan and baby Huey don’t surprise me at all. I thought May was barely 2. She’s a bright girl, but Nicole will shove a pacifier in her mouth and a device in front of her until she’s in her teens. -Aika, you DO NOT want that genetic material. Note that he kept saying he got himself “fixed”. Lots of implications in that word. -Libby likes the feeling of being protected by Andrei and doesn’t realize how much she’s poisoning the well with his relationship with her sisters and family. He will hate them forever. Also, her dad is a big fucking baby. Your daughter is practically an AARP member. Get the fuck over it. I like Andrei’s drive and I hope he really does show up her family.

There is so much to say about this episode, it’s hard to think of where to start. Let’s begin with Evelyn and Pudgy Spanish David. There are little things that make me as gleeful as when I see Evelyn‘s jaw clench when David shuts her down ass down. She is a smug, self-satisfied asshole who thinks she has the world figured out at 18. She’s getting what she deserves and maybe she’ll learn from this and be a better person. She might be the belle of Claremont, but she ain’t shit anywhere outside of her zip code. Having said that, what a piece of shit this guy is. As a person with a Spanish (from Spain) background, I can tell you that his response to this small New Hampshire town is very typical. My family from Spain thinks that their shit doesn’t stink, there’s nothing greater than Spain, the sun rises and sets on the Iberian Peninsula, God is probably a Spaniard, etc. He can get the fuck out of here with that shit. When he met his underaged bride, I bet he thought he was going to have a little American acolyte that he could educate and mold, springing her from her little provincial life and mold a worldly, sophisticated woman. Well guess what, Pygmalion - you roped yourself to a fucking immature jerk who is VERY satisfied being the big fish in her small pond. Bundle up for winter, my dude. Wittle singer Evelyn is not going anywhere, you elitist! It’s delicious karma, watching those two. Annie and David are doomed. He’s a drunk, Annie - go back to Thailand. You had a vacation to LA, your parents have some water buffaloes and you got some gold out of the deal. Call it even. Aika and Josh? Doomed. Aggressive Nazi hair friend is back at it with the new sheriff shit. What’s next? Dressing up as Uncle Sam and screaming “Don’t tread on me” while taking Aika ATVing? Trash. I hate people that think it’s their job to vet immigrants about their intentions when entering the US. America doesn’t need your help. Josh wanted a blow up doll and is now shocked and appalled that the one he picked talks back and has an opinion. Azan and Nicole? Nicole is a moron and an abuser, but the way she acted on camera, the wringing of the hands, her speech, made me really feel like she has some sort of developmental stump. I felt bad for our giant toddler today.

You’re right, she might have been around these folks for a long time, but I have MAJOR issues with leaving a 2 year old with people who are, for all intents and purposes, strangers. It’s a sad world we live in, Nicole isn’t bright enough to take chances. That’s not to say that Azan’s family isn’t lovely or welcoming, but shit happens everywhere.