nutella fitzgerald

I watched it, and I’m still not convinced it wasn’t a mashup of Chantel/Pedro scenes from previous HEA episodes: Chekhov’s taser, River running his mouth (but mysteriously disappearing when everyone else went to meet Pedro face to face), Mother Chantel’s Spanish that seems like she only studied the language through watching Sesame Street, bitchy FaceTime call between Pedro and Nicole. However, Chantel falling up the stairs was kind of funny. And it’s a relief to watch 90 Day the Other Way without constant Kate Gosselin promos.

It was very convenient. Pole just had to drag his 40 suitcases to the “Bodock! Bodock?” and have his cough drops inspected before he could hop on. Was I the only one who thought Ronald’s human trafficking conversation was inserted to foreshadow Daniel’s inquiries about why exactly his stepfodder can’t come to America? “Remember how we talked about human trafficking? When they steal little boys just like you and sell them for money? Daddy did something similar, just with his mommy’s fridge, so America doesn’t want him. Now finish your hot dog.”

She’d probably expect him to follow her. Was that a Crown Royal Apple bag Keith keeps his condoms in? Bless his heart. Can someone please take Jamie and his muffin top shopping for some better-fitting clothes? Maybe Matt can swing by and drop off his “hubby” shirt for Jamie to try on. We all know it’s never been worn.

So wait a minute...the child who shoved her fingers all up in everyone’s breakfast turned out to have been incubating some type of illness at the time? But it’s okay, right? Since she says please and thank you. Did anyone else feel bad for Evelin’s brother? It looked like Corey’s black magic was so offensive no one could bear to remain at his birthday party!

Ugh, I feel even worse about this after seeing the promo for next week and being reminded she works for her dad. I hope they don’t do potlucks there because I’m sure Father Elizabeth would fire anyone who refused to try Chardonnay’s doggie-tainted casserole.

I wonder if Amber is going to get mad when Matt doesn’t want to use the same bottle of mouthwash that she sticks her mouth directly on.

Yeah, I fully expect Daniel to be Liam in about 15 years.

I do have to say that while I can point to specific instances where Elizabeth’s actions/behavior are irritating, Jamie really gets on my nerves and I can’t articulate why (last season I couldn’t stand AJ and I thought Stephanie was a saint for putting up with him, so I fully expected to be sympathetic to Jamie for being stuck with Chardy E). Maybe it’s his dumb hat? I have to thank the experts for matching those two with each other so I’m not left fast forwarding half the snow. I find myself cringing at Amber wearing her “wifey” t-shirt while Matt’s corresponding one is nowhere to be found. It’s like watching someone continuously get rejected for a high five.

I am not an AJ fan, but I think he actually dressed in clothes that fit his dad bod (or maybe I'm repressing some memories of season 8). Aren't muffin tops caused by too-small waistbands? Would a larger shirt offset Jamie's chest issue? These seem like fixable problems! Does anyone know where Iris's coral/red swimsuit, the one she wore with the fanny pack, is from? I need one that color!

We’ve seen a lot of ridiculous bachelor(ette) parties on this franchise, but Ronald humping a keg has to be a new low. ETA: I forgot about Matt (of Matt and Alla) and his weird cowering away from a stripper while wearing that Christmas sweater. Sorry, Ronald. I genuinely feel bad about comparing Laura to Angela, because Laura’s son seems like such a doll and Angela raised a child molester 😞 Deavan, you stupid girl. Scrambled eggs are the easiest American breakfast to Korean-ify. Just take out your daughter’s dirty hands and replace them with a tablespoon or so of gochujang.

I wish the editing team had at least split Elizabeth telling us she had her period and Elizabeth sharing a 10-gallon bath with Jamie into two separate episodes.

Shower thought: would Laura (good lord, I almost typed “Angela” at first) be able to get her accessories through an inspection in Qatar by claiming they’re for her sore back, like the geographically-challenged salesgirl suggested?

Oh, perfect! This show has an excellent track record with American women marrying Tunisian men.

I lost track of how many times I rewound Jihoon’s horrified despair when he realized that not only would he not be blowing Deavan’s back out, but he would have to share a bed with Drusilla. Somewhere Luis is smugly congratulating himself for proactively warning Kensley to stay out of Molly’s room since he’d be sleeping in it.

I couldn’t tell if Elizabeth’s parents were trolling Jamie or not with the name discussion. Does anyone actually and seriously ask their daughters’ spouses to consider changing their name? I feel like maybe it’s something I would do if I had a daughter dumb enough to sign up for this mess, just to mess with the other dumb-dumb that these alleged experts selected for my son-in-law? They can’t have been seriously trying to convince him with the argument that “it’s only four letters,” right? (Is there any universe where someone would say no to changing their last name but then change their mind when reminded that the new one was only four letters?) But then Jamie reacted so calmly that it ruined any fun they were getting out of the bit? Elizabeth’s nipples being blurred out a million times during the episode gave me Arrested Development vibes. “Say goodbye to these, Jamie!”

Like Dallas Danielle, I pay good money for my eyelashes. As such, I would exercise the appropriate game theory models when faced with the possibility of getting frosting in them. That is to say, don’t start none, won’t be none.

Does this picture remind anyone else of Hulu’s promo shot for The Act? Am I just the worst person ever? I forgot about that Jamie and definitely thought this post was about the Charlotte groom. Oops.

That’s how I knew we weren’t going to see the alleged Korean guy/pregnant girl couple! Every time the scene changed I would listen for the music while looking at my work, and when I heard fake stereotypical music for another region of the world, I would resign myself to waiting a little longer. It’s almost as bad as how Chopped plays a super low-rent hip-hop beat for every black chef.

I was thinking Amber was lucky to have a job Thursday morning! The teachers I know still keep sanitized Facebook profiles. Why did this bring to mind the "this toilet has been sanitized" bands that housekeeping puts in hotel bathrooms?

I must correct both of you. It was Michael Jones:

I love this reminder just because the title of the Live Chat thread truly shows how far we’ve come. Karine was able to yell at Paul in English without the aid of any translator app!

Did we ever see the Indian guy who catfished Cortney (from the season where we first saw Paul and Karine, the one her Indian-American friend had to inform her was using pictures of a Bollywood actor)? I’m finding it strangely heartwarming to imagine that was Sumit first learning the dos and don’ts of deceiving his beloved white girls.

Is it me or are her shoes kind of Heaven’s Gate?

Why is he stopping there? Shouldn’t someone alert CNN, Fox, or MSNBC?

I have and love this product (a godsend for honey) but the multiple sets confused me. The ones I got all appear the same as the kitchen version, but I had no problem using them with liquid soap, shampoo, and craft glue.