nutella fitzgerald

It looks like she has the same dentist as Scott from Love After Lockup.

You’d think Anna would be similarly concerned about the fact that she doesn’t know her soul mate. Whatever beta version of Google Translate they’re using is clearly not getting the job done. To be fair, if Robert were a careful person, he probably wouldn’t be engaged to someone after spending 8 hours with her. Then again, he does have a pretty keen eye for details - after all, he noticed that the lingerie store mannequin didn’t have legs. I keep forgetting that he’s from South Africa. “Have you heard about Pink Pussycat sex pills for women, my boy?!?!”

Was Gene doing Tina’s groan when he and Louise were approaching the rideable animals???

So nobody else thought TLC managed to assemble a group even less entertaining than Season 6? Fine. I guess I’ll stick around if this sad pack is good enough for you guys.

A stable door and a horse that has already bolted come to mind. I wonder if I can get my size 8 feet bound.

As monstrous as Angela is, I do think it’s kind of funny that before the tell-all there were all those rumors that she behaved so badly TLC would never have her on the network again. Meanwhile, not even an entire week will pass between part 2 of the tell-all and the premiere of the next season she’s on. I should have known not to believe anything that implies this network had any standards at all.

I assumed Avery refused the handshake because of her Muslim faith. Now I have to rewatch to see if she shook hands with Caesar, Ben, or Tom 😖

I guess now we know why Jesse said Michael and Angela were his favorite couple when someone asked him on Twitter if he was watching this season. I know I said before that I was hoping to see this season’s crop of beta males holding Angela back from a fight (thinking back to Paul and Tarik on last year’s Tell All), but after watching I am really disappointed that Angela didn’t go after Tim. I thought Avery was being honest, if not entirely polite, in her comments to Jesse, but Tim was being an immature asshole with his snide announcement about not wanting to shake Jesse’s hand. He is 38 years old!

I know Jesse accused Darcey of catfishing him, but I thought the attractiveness gap between Tom’s photos and his actual face was much wider. Maybe it’s because when Tom wears a turtleneck, he resembles my second grade gym teacher, Mrs. Parini? Anyway, for some reason I get the feeling that Darcey was much kinder to Tom than he would have been to her if she showed up only semi-resembling the pictures she had sent. No. Can someone promise me that after tonight, I’ll never have to hear Akinyi’s whining or crying again? Honest to God, I’d rather give up my car for a year and rely on the Phoenix bus system than listen to that girl’s nails-on-chalkboard wailing.

I’ll see your Thelma and Louise, and I raise you a Fight Club. When my boyfriend and I were first dating, I happened to catch a glimpse of his Google search history and once I spotted “brad pitt fight club workout” I figured I might as well see this thing through. Speaking of thirsty tendencies, you know I have to go in on Jenny. Why did she smile proudly in response to Shaun asking how she feels about Sumit’s proficiency at lying? And was it me or did Tiffany look completely disgusted by Jenny and Corey, of all people, criticizing her choice of spouse? Corey talks big when he’s speaking to a bunch of screens, but I would love to see his sanctimonious ass step to either Ronald or Aladin in person.

I am deeply disappointed that I rushed through shaving my legs (and missed multiple spots on both calves) in order to watch this live.

To be fair, almost anything would have been a nicer gift than an actual key. Tom could have given Darcey a computer keyboard, the DJ Khaled album Major Key, or a gift card to a Key Food grocery store. At least any of those things wouldn't have been entirely useless once she got home.

Mohamed probably would have been thrilled if Danielle had a purple friend to occupy herself with!

I don't think I've fully processed the fact that Tom seems to have given Darcey a key to his mother's home. It would bring me such joy to see Darcey surprise Tom by flying over and parking herself in his Mother Tom's living room some random Wednesday. On the other hand, now that we know he's been engaged twice...would Darcey have been more upset to get a recycled ring? Or is Tim really the only person on the planet dumb enough to do that? At least she can make the key into a necklace. Speaking of Teem, after seeing him go off on Jesse in the previews, I have to give Jeniffer petty points for naming Jesse the hottest of the 90 Day cast members. Savage!

Yes!

Wait, was Tim trying to make the point that the black girl he met online should have disclosed her blackness before they met? Like how one is expected to disclose having an STD, or that you've had a vasectomy, or something like oh I don't know YOU'RE RECYCLING A RING THAT YOU PROPOSED TO SOMEONE ELSE WITH?! Did he disclose his whiteness, or does he think that it was just a pleasant surprise that this poor girl should have been happy to discover when she finally met the Brian Peppers-looking guy she had been talking to online?! I fucking hate this guy.

According to Jenny (who is a complete moron, so there’s that), the picture was taken in 2013. If we assume she has sufficient intelligence to read a calendar accurately (a stretch, I know), the picture would have been taken about five years before they started filming for The Other Way.

Did we ever get an explanation as to why Akinyi selected funeral offerings when she and Ben were buying the items to give her parents? She must have known whatever money he spent on the groceries would be coming out of the total funds available for the bride price, so why waste Ben’s few remaining pennies on cooking oil for mourners? I don’t have much of an eye for jewelry - can any of you experts say whether or not the ill-fitting ring Ben gave Akinyi would be worth enough money to include in his negotiations? I have to think that when you’re coming to the table with $770, even Caesar’s $199 ring (that’s probably covered in crumbs of candy underwear) would make a difference in the grand total.

I think the tell all was filmed during a nice sweet spot before Laura's Instagram antics with the fake pregnancy and black eye (what black guy) but after the episodes where she called him out on being bad in bed had aired. So he was probably furious with her after seeing exactly what she said about his sexual abilities, but wasn't completely done with her? I don't know, I've dated some really easygoing men, but I can't imagine how I could salvage a relationship after going on TV and matter-of-factly telling the whole world my partner was sexually useless. I think a guy would have to be Corey-level milquetoast to come back after that.

Oh, believe me, I debated for a long time whether it would be worse for Daniel to miss three months of school or to be homeschooled by someone who has demonstrated the intelligence we’ve seen from Tiffany. I actually still haven’t decided.

Limit one per person!

Rebecca really is the female version of Sumit! At this point, Ben pretty much deserves what he gets. Akinyi has been stingy with the truth from the time they left the airport, why does he think she’s going to give him reliable information? If he can FaceTime that girl we saw him crying to, certainly he can Google whatever Akinyi says when she’s not delivering platitudes about forbidden fruit and cookie jars. Of all the ridiculous plot lines and manufactured TLC drama the 90 Day franchise has fed us, I 100% believe that Ben cannot find a woman willing to date him.

One wonders how JoJo and Vern were able to escape without unflattering sobriquets. Unless “JoJo” and “Vern” are prison slang for some other epithets...?

Oof. Darcey was way worse during the salsa dancing than the promo let on. I felt horrible for Ricardo (I think that’s his name? Sister Tom’s husband?) when he found himself alone with Darcey as she slurred plaintively about Tom salsa dancing with other women. Those women actually know how to dance, Darcey! If this were a normal man with 20 years of salsa dancing experience on a normal date with a normal woman who has never salsa danced, I do think it would be pretty crappy of him to leave her at the bar while he twirled every other girl in the place around on the dance floor. They could have had a perfectly enjoyable evening of him giving her beginner salsa lessons (and you know Darcey would have eaten up the opportunity to have Tom inspect and/or correct her form!) if it weren’t a weirdo Englishman who still lives with his mummy on a TLC freakshow with Darcey.

We definitely saw him Western Unioning cash to her! I think it was when he thought she would use the money to buy her own ticket to Cancun, and then she turned around and yelled at him for not realizing she would need that money to pay for her teeth to be fixed. I was really hoping they would go into more detail about what needed to happen to Maria’s teeth in order for them to be Cancun-ready.