BlackberryJam

Wish Granted! Tormund does become King Beyond the Wall. However, his beard frightens the other tribes. He's unable to unite them for the attack on the Wall. Instead, the Wildlings get wiped out by the White Walkers and those that survive head to the Wall for sanctuary. However, Thorne goes douchey and refused to take them in. Wildlings dead. Game continues. I wish Jaime had been the one to kill Joffrey.

Wish Granted! Ned Stark grows a brain and supports Renly as King after Robert's death. He escapes King's Landing and is never beheaded. Rallying the North for Renly, when it appears the Lannister forces are going to be defeated, Tywin brokers a deal with Renly. Renly will be named King, but because Renly is unable to bed a woman, he must name Joffrey his heir. Because Renly loves Loras's sweet sweet ass, he agrees, assuming he'll live forever. He's wrong, of course. Stannis sprays a smoke monster up Melisandre's vagina. The Smoke Monster still kills Renly. Joffrey becomes King. The game continues. I wish Tyrion had a teenage son.

Wish granted! Pedofinger makes a move on Sansa. She tries to run away but trips into Robin Arryn. He asks her to pull out her milkers because he wants a drink. She recoils in horror and flings herself out the Moon Door only to discover that like Sister Betrille, she can fly. She flies down to the Bloody Gate and meets Arya, who is rolling on the ground in her own urine from laughing. Arya, still in her near hysterical state, decides that everything that has happened to her is all Sansa's fault since she lied about Mycah, the butcher's boy. Arya pulls out Needle and kills Sansa. She then grabs the Hound and they run. Pedofinger has, by that time, made his way to the Bloody Gate. Unable to cope with the loss of yet another Tully woman, he cuts off dead!Sansa's hair and makes a wig of it. He also puts on the dress and makes everyone call him Lady Tully. The game continues. I wish Jaime has lost his left hand instead of his right.

You should create a thread for re-writing scenes so we can all play!

I think we definitely need Jaime helping Tyrion escape including the Tysha reveal and Tyrion exposing Cersei's infidelities. A big part of the story is the rift that develops between Jaime and Cersei. It leads her on the naked walk to Crazy Sept and him to destroy her letter. It also leads to him choosing to follow Brienne which gets us to Lady Stoneheart. Jaime's actions are going to make so much less sense in Season 5 if we never have reasons for his break from Cersei. It can be a 4 minute scene, followed up Tyrion killing Tywin and Shae.

Sitcoms aren't quite this bloody. Usually. Wait, there might be some BritComs out there. Avine Aviation and all. But that was more variety? Tywin Lannister in a Carol Burnett role. Wearing a dress with a curtain rod through it. Now I could get behind that. Or a Cersei/Robert/Jaime/Tyrion show staring Myrcella. My Two Dads and One Point Five Uncles.

Growing up Lannister sounded like a nightmare. Gropy maesters, penis-pinching sisters, dead mother and constantly disappointed father. That should be a sitcom.

Oh fine! No one else loves Hodor enough to heal him. Wish granted! During one of Bran's warging experiences, he heals Hodor. Hodor, now mentally competent, realizes he's been used as an assassin by Bran. Unable to turn on Bran, but unable to live with being a murderer, he slits his wrists and hangs himself from that creepy face tree. As he's at heart, an innocent, his blood allows the being trapped in the tree to reach human form, but it's still only able to commincate through Bran and Jojen. Tree becomes the new walking wheelchair. The Game continues. I wish Catelyn Stark hadn't believed Baelish about Tyrion being the owner of the dagger the assassin used to try and kill Bran.

I find Charles Dance has an appreciation of slowness you rarely see in actors. So much of movies and TV shows are fast-paced fight and chase scenes. Walking across the Throne Room with a deliberate measured pace.. Making each step count, each step was acting. Then when he speaks, his every word is calculated. There is no impulse in Tywin Lannister. Charles Dance owns that role. I love him and want him on my screen forever.

Wish Granted! Lyanna Stark had a hot May/December fling with Tywin Lannister that involved a lot of bondage sex and spanking. She was using Rhaegar as cover for the affair. She loved Tywin, but he thought she was just a dirty whore and would have thrown the baby into the sea if he'd known. Ned Stark secreted the child away to protect him. When Tywin finds out about Jon, he seeks him out at the Wall only to realize he's a beta-male and unworthy of Casterly Rock. He's still stuck with Tyrion or Jaime. I wish Khal Drogo hadn't died.

Wish granted! Arya comes upon Nymeria in the woods. Unfortunately, Nymeria is still pissed at her for that whole rock throwing incident and bites off her sword hand, ruining her chances of exacting revenge on her enemies. I wish Roose Bolton would get a sex scene.

I've been doing a rewatch with my sister. She has just been introduced to the show. In A Golden Crown I think (we watched four episodes last night), Cersei mentions to Robert losing their first boy. So the story she told Catelyn in Episode 2 about the death of her first child was true. Season 1 gave me more sympathy for our drunken Cers. Robert is a jackass to her. She has a marriage based on hate, a fat drunk husband who routinely fucks whores and admits he could never have loved her. She has no one, aside from Joffrey and Jaime. Jaime really just wants to engage in swordplay and sex. He's admittedly lazy. Joffrey is awful. She's stuck at these tournaments with a disgusting and embarrassing husband. She's also been introduced to her eventual replacement in Sansa. If not for her scenes of crappy parenting of Joffrey and insisting that Lady be killed, I could have almost wished better for her. But really, she's just a giant bitch.

Does Theon's Sword in a Box merit a ranking?

Oh, I think if Jaime could go on another roadtrip with Brienne to get to the Wall, he'd gladly join the Night's Watch.

I'm not sure just anyone would have been able to save Brienne from gang rape. He was tied up and it was only his lie to Locke that saved her. Would the Hound have been able to save her? Probably not. Sure, any decent person would have tried to, probably by trying to break their chains, but few would have succeeded. The quick thinking of Jaime and ability to sell the lie is what saved Brienne. Jaime also listened to Robert banging whores in Season One and probably had to listen to Robert banging Cersei as well. Not to mention the insinuations of what went on between Aerys and his wife. So it's not like he hasn't been in that position before. The thing with Jaime is that after the reveal in Season Three, his interactions in Season One come through so much differently. Particularly, his scene in the Throne Room with Ned. He says in that scene that killing the Mad King felt like justice. Ned insults him for it, although Ned was also snarky about Jaime watching Ned's relatives get burned alive and doing nothing about it. Jaime, of all characters, seems to want power the least. He could have taken the Throne when he killed Aerys. He didn't. He could have gotten himself named Hand. He didn't. He could rule be the Warden of the West and instead became a Kingsguard. So, when you find out his act of killing Aerys wasn't part of the Lannister power move, it's makes him so much more interesting. Jaime is not a good person. The Bran pushing and sisterfucking let us know he will never been the good guy or the hero. But he's certainly not the one note villain he may have appeared in Season One. Season Two Jaime was just enjoying being a snarky bastard. His imprisonment was not going to improve. He wasn't going to beg for mercy. I liked him tied to a post and filthy. I loved his interactions with Catelyn. It was more about him giving zero fucks for her opinion. He invited Catelyn to kill him, and I'm not sure he would have minded if she did. NCW does an excellent job with the role and I find myself interested in his every scene, despite the horrid new hair. I'm interested in where his story goes because I can't predict it. He's not going to win the Iron Throne, definitely, but will he survive? Will he die a hero? A villain? A martyr? At 80 years old with a belly full of wine? Doubt that last one. Too many people want his head on a pike.

Uhm. I pretty sure Jaime's beard of dirty sexy imprisonment is my favorite beard of all. The hair, the mud, the beard, so much better than his new look. Renly's nonMargery beard was pretty sweet as well. Wasn't there a guy in Season 1 at the Starks who had a beard with a ponytail in it? So many beards, they make me swear and swear. I totally forgot the awesomeness of Daddy White Walker in my Father rankings. Idiot me. Daddy White Walker kicks ass.

I'm calling House Hot Pie. Our sigil is a kidney pie. Our words are "You must not give up on the gravy." All other Houses can suck it.

I'm not bothered by the age of the Mountain and the Hound. I expect that having your face burnt off really ages your skin. SPF can't fix that. AG should play a creepy pedophile in the a Lifetime Movie. He's perfect for it. Sansa seemed somewhat into the kiss though. I wonder if they are going to go there with those two. Dany is still boring the crap out of me. I'm not all that impressed with Daario. She's so got Jorah on the hook though. She might as well have asked him to make her chocolate cake and do her laundry saying, "we can't be together, right now." GC was hilarious with Pod and Hot Pie. Her nonverbals were great. That armor is stunning on her. I miss Oberyn. I love everything about him. I loved that he saw through Cersei so completely. I want him to LIVE. ETA: I think they will say Lysa committed suicide. Who didn't think bitch be crazy?

I don't mind them cutting out Brienne wandering around the Riverlands. I do wonder about them killing Biter and Rorge already. I still think we will get Brienne in danger some time before she meets up with Lady Stoneheart. I would have predicted that Brienne's finale scene would have been Biter for this season, but they are really slashing their way forward. If we get Brienne meeting LS at the end of this Season, I have no idea what to expect for Season 5. Unless we have Brienne pulling a Stannis style delay going from the Brotherhood to find Jaime. Shireen needed at the Wall is interesting as well.

American here and I know exactly what you mean. His bottom row of teeth are crooked. I noticed it immediately. I'm not saying I care, but the angle of the shot really made it obvious I think he won't get them perfected. I don't think he needs to. Loving the HotPieness of the episode. Oberyn was perfection. Dinklage showed his acting chops without chewing the scenery.

I can't speak for all Unsullied, just the ones I know, but most were so thrilled at Joffrey's death it never occurred to them that someone not named Cersei would mourn him.

Hmmm...I'd take on best sibling sex action, but Cersei and Jaime win that hands down. Theon's inept groping of Yara and Viserys copping a feel of Daenerys can't compare. How about ranking the fathers of Westeros? 1. Stannis Baratheon. Fathered a smoke assassin but protects daughter from both crazy babymommas. 2. Walder Frey. Will do anything to get his daughters married, even slaughter the wedding guests. 3. Roose Bolton. Supports his son's hobbies and doesn't make him give up his toys. 4. Tywin Lannister. Will go to war to get his son back, only to put him on trial for murder. 5. Ned Stark. Forced sons to watch beheadings. Murdered daughter's pet. 6. Craster. Rapin' the girls. Abandonin' the boys.

No way are the Starks the underdogs. Episode One of the series made perfectly clear "Starks are good; you should root for them and make them your favorites." They are, of course, getting the hero's beatdown before they ultimately prevail. I'm not sure which one of them will prevail, but they've been mapped out as the heroes of the story. Idiots, yes. Underdogs, no. That's my biggest problem with the Starks. We are supposed to root for them but they are so completely utterly fucking stupid that I just want to choke the crap out of them. They are the blonde chicks running through the forest being chased by the axe murderer and going the wrong way and continually looking over their shoulders so they smack into trees. If you want to root for the underdog, I strongly suggest Walder Frey or Balon Greyjoy. Their combined odds of winning the Iron Throne are 600,000:1. Stark odds 5:3. Targaryen 3:1. Baratheon 10:1. Lannisters 1,000,000,000:1. Bolton 400,000:1. Starks are the clear frontrunners, despite being idiots. Yes, the stupid runs strong and deep in them, and some can be explained because they are children, but Ned was what? 50? Catelyn in her 40s? Youth is not an excuse for those two.

The only good Stark is a Stark who is not cluttering up my screen. It should be a Stark bye week every week! On a good note for the Starks though, none of them got any dumber this week. So they've got that going for them.

The return of Shae was so predictable. We'd been hit over the head with Shae-anvils all season. So, 1. Did she testify out of jealous? Fuck. I hate that theory. 2. Was she paid off by Tywin? This seems doubtful. Tywin was the head Judge. He didn't need Shae to have Tyrion found guilty. Also, the case was Tyrion accused by Cersei. She was the crown's (Cersei's) witness. We know Cersei likes the overkill and isn't very smart. 3. I'd like it better if Shae cut a deal with Cersei to save Tyrion's life by testifying against him and Cersei promising to save Tyrion and send him away with Shae. Only Shae would be stupid to believe her. It's not like the girl's got brains to spare. I'm hoping for option three. I fully believe Tywin was playing the long game with Jaime. I think it was always his plan to play Jaime into leaving the Kingsguard, taking the Rock and populating Westeros with little Lannisters. The only way to get Jaime away from Cersei was to make him choose. Tywin agreed to Jaime's deal far too fast for him not to have thought about it earlier. I don't think Tywin ever planned to actually execute Tyrion. Edit: Add me to the slightly annoyed by scenery chewing Dinklage. His nonverbals were great, but the ending speech was the full Nora Desmond. Charles Dance owned that scene.