The Cake is a Pie

I like to think it's not a Will and Belle date, but the first meeting of the Storybrooke Non-American Accent club. Maybe Cruella can join the next one. Rumple has been expelled. Has anyone seen Philip and Tinkerbelle?

Hook is obviously intruding, but I just think it's funny that he's acting all comfortable and chummy there when in the wider shot you can see he's totally hovering on like, two inches of seat. Then the last two pics with Hook and Belle look like they sneak into Granny's kitchen? Apparently the unusual favor he asks from Belle is to help him steal a pie?

Either Hook is intruding on Will and Belle's date, or Will is a seat hog.

Now I have an image in my head of Charming and Snow going into the cave with a Dustbuster in their hands and I can't stop giggling like a loon. So thanks for that. Hee hee hee hee heeeeeeeee. This show has ruined chocolate frosted donuts for me. That's how much I hate the author plot.

I heard this said about Johnny Depp once, but now it applies to this show: Once Upon a Time is ruining Once Upon a Time for me.

I could watch an hour of nothing but Cruella and Ursula sneering at everyone in town and be happy. They give me life. So...if Snow and Charming's child is a product of True Love and Mal's kid parallels theirs, then Mal's child was a product of True...Hate? So who did she have hate sex with? I assume King Stefan. And if Maleficent gave birth around the same time that Snow did, then she would have been separated from her baby when Regina had her pulled under the library with the curse, regardless of what Snowing did or didn't do to screw her over. Whatever the "secret" is, it can't not be stupid.

I have this idea in my head that the Sorcerer is a bit of a puppetmaster and sets things up just to see what his little dolls will do. I've always thought that Rumple "finding" the hat box in the house was way too easy and was obviously a setup.* *Obviously, not in context of This Show, but obvious to anyone else who thinks logically and is suspicious as to why the object Rumple has been pursuing suddenly is just sitting openly in a house that convenitently showed up out of nowhere just for Rumple to find.

I caught fear and disbelief in that scene. After all, if the Sorcerer is so powerful, surely a mere curse wouldn't bring him over unwillingly? He has to be there by choice.

So Snow did something terrible to her, David put an egg inside her, and Emma turned her into a pile of ashes. I think I'm on Mal's side here. She hasn't done anything to any of them. When do we think it was that Snow wronged Mal? As a bandit or as a bratty princess? Or after Charming put the egg in her?

Mal really needs some locks on her castle doors, though. Apparently anyone can wander in.

I'm not so sure that Zelena is wearing Marian's clothes in those photos now, because apparently EVERYONE has a shawl-collared, belted grey coat on this show. Emma's coat in that scene with Pinnochio is not the same, but very, very similar. Also, Snow's coat in the reunion scene with everyone climbing out of the bug has the same shape, but in brown. I guess belted, shawl-collared coats are a big trend in Storybrooke this season. On a different note, and I'm sure I'm alone on this one, but part of me hopes that upon seeing Ursula, Hook reverts back to his skeezy, menacing pirate self for at least a minute or two. Hello, love......

My choice would be Adalind and/or Renard. Because everything about the whole Royals storyline can just die already.

It would be pointless to lie anyway, because of Emma's super lie detector power. Oh, wait, that never works and no one ever remembers it unless it's convenient to the plot.

The only workaround I can think of is that Cruella is not originally from the EF, but somehow traveled there and learned magic after the events of 101 Dalmatians. Of course, I wouldn't put it past these writers to ignore the original story completely.

I'm crossing my fingers that whatever happens that Zelena somehow turns into Marian / is Marian / was Marian happens while they are out in NYC and perhaps has something to do with the furniture shop. Because if they reveal that Zelena was Marian the entire time they were in Storybrooke, well, that's so illogical that I might have to retroactively go back and throw stuff at my tv screen.

Tossing the scroll over the town line is stupid, too. Apparently all you need to do is open the scroll and see the words to see the town. One of them should have stepped over with the scroll and taken Cruella and Ursula over by hand, therefore never letting them get their hands on the thing. They need to post a bouncer at the town line to escort "guests" into (and force out of) town. Did they address if the scroll is a lifetime free pass? If you've used it once, can you now travel back and forth, or do you always need to use it each time you cross the line?

There needs to be a Cruel Housewives of New York spinoff. Because I would watch the shit out of that show. I didn't hate this one, I guess. Faint praise, I know, but I was expecting something completely craptastic and it was actually decent. Low expectations and all. At least no one propped Regina up about being a hero and Hook got one "evil" dig in. The Queens flashback still doesn't make much sense, since Rumple has never before mentioned anything about wanting "happy endings", just Bae. Also, why didn't Maleficent turn into a dragon when Chernabog went after her? I so wanted a demon vs. dragon fight. Watch, Snow's dark secret is something like, she's the one who told King Stefan to marry Aurora's mother instead of Maleficent, therefore ruining Mal's happy ending, or something utterly lame like that. I say Snow, because it's obviously not David's secret. Was he even in this ep? I must have blinked and missed him.

I fanwank that Elsa, Anna, and Kristoff DID arrive back in Arendelle before Hans managed to sail there and were waiting for him. I like to think that Hans lands in port, proudly marches through the gates, thinking the kingdom is his...and is immediately punched in the face by Anna. Hopefully Elsa also immediately hired some palace guards.

I'm still holding out hope for Hook and Blackbeard as Ursula's Flotsam and Jetsam. Speaking of Blackbeard, I forget, have we heard any spoilers about him reappearing this season?

I personally don't particularly care about who it is, but I feel like this is a bit unfair. We all know Peggy does get married and has children, and that her husband has a connection to Steve. It's only natural for people to wonder whom he might be. It's not like people need her to get married just because she's a woman. I see plenty of posters wondering who Howard's future wife, and Tony's mother, might be.

I can't think of anyone with Belle who would send Rumple into a rage any more than Hook. After all, Belle befriending his mortal enemy would the biggest FFFFFFFFF UUUUUUUUU suuuuck iiiiiittttt! she could send to him. Also, I don't really want to think of Belle and Will in any sort of romantic context. Where is Anastasia?

Does anyone remember the Emma who took a chainsaw to the Mayor's apple tree? Could someone put out an APB for that Emma?

There is not enough wine in this house to make sense of that sneak peek. And there is a lot of wine in this house.

My respect for Sousa would have gone up several notches if he had just shot the doc right in the face right when he started monologing. I will never get tired of seeing Thompson getting punched in the face, but I don't actually have a problem with him getting all the credit at the end. When the Senator came in to congratulate him, he did look back at Peggy and Sousa before accepting the credit, and unless I was seeing things, Peggy seemed to have nodded her okay. She does her best work when she's under the radar anyway. It actually serves to work the one-shot into the timeline, too. Thompson gets promoted somehwere else. Maybe he takes Sousa with him. That sets up the new blood to come into the office who don't know Peggy and what she can do. If this show doesn't get a second season, then I demand an Agent Carter movie. I need more Peggy.

Imma gonna go ahead and assume the security code for the rival space team's warehouse was a shoutout to Alias. It was 4747.