The Cake is a Pie

I haven't even watched this episode yet, but oh, great a rape baby. I'm out. It's been fun while it lasted. I just dropped Grimm for this same reason and now this show is dead to me, too. This effing show. WHERE IS YOUR WIFE, WILL?

I'm looking forward to seeing Mal's reaction when she realizes she's a grandmother.

I don't agree that Emma killing Cruella is somehow less heroic than using less lethal force. She did what she had to do at the time to save Henry. Full stop. She didn't know that Cruella couldn't kill. For all Emma knew, if she took Cruella's gun, then Cruella might have just thrown Henry off the cliff. Also, Cruella was a straight up villain. Would it have been better to let Cruella go and...do what? Try to kill Henry again? Successfully kill the Author and get her ability to murder back? How does that help humanity? It's not like they could lock her up, Rumple and Mal would just get her out. There's not really any angle the show could take on the situation to convince me that Emma wasn't justified in her actions.

I'm going to go ahead and fanwank that she and Ursula landed by a lake or something when they fell through the portal and she asked Ursula to reach through realms to grab her car so they could have transportation. Then they drove off with the egg, leaving baby Lily in the woods. I'll just ignore the fact that Ursula could have returned to the EF herself whenever she wanted.

...and I love her even more for it.

I assumed she slept in the Bug, but really, I'd take any place as long as it wasn't crashing at Regina's place.

If I were Emma and I had just blasted the bitch who threatened my son off a cliff, I wouldn't be holding my hand up to look at it in horror, I'd be holding it up to flip the bird at her broken body. I guess that means I have quite a dark spot on my heart.

I forgot to put this in my earlier post....WHERE IS YOUR WIFE, WILL?

So, show, let me get this straight: Emma tosses Cruella off a cliff in Henry's defense and she's now a MURDERER! Because "heroes don't kill." By the way, have we added up the Charmings' body count? - countless numbers of Regina's guards - countless numbers of King George's guards - Medusa - at least four trolls - ogre - Cora - random dragon for King Midas - siren of Lake Nostros Did I forget anyone? Even if you only count the humans, that's an impressive list for two people who call themselves heroes who supposedly don't kill. And yet now Emma has crossed a line. Riiiiiiiight.

The most entertaining character left on the show and of course they toss her off a cliff. Can we trade Zelena for Cruella to fill the resurrected villain slot instead? Also, I don't care if you are a villain, hero, serial killer, or complete innocent. If you hold a gun to my child's head, I will kill you dead. You can label me whatever you want afterwards from the grave. This show.

I love Cruella. Don't you dare ruin her, show!

Belle really does not need to be in any sort of relationship a mere six weeks after banishing her husband out of town, after finding out he had been lying to her throughout their entire marriage. I don't know why this show is so adverse to developing platonic friendships.

Anna Galvin is a guest star? Finally, we get to see the real Maid Marian! Too obscure?

Was that the same actor playing the Sheriff of Nottingham? If so, damn, want a difference a bit of scruff makes.

I swear to dog, back when I used to wear glasses and contacts, one of my phobias was that I would get stranded in the middle of nowhere with only the contacts I was wearing and they would dry out and I would effectively be blind. It was one of the motivating factors that drove me to get LASIK done. I like to think that EMMA would have gotten LASIK, too, since her job as a bounty hunter of sorts would have required her to travel a lot and go on long stakeouts. Last thing she would have wanted to worry about was being able to see her targets. Plus, for show purposes they could just say she got it done, so her eyesight never really needs to be addressed again. I mean, does 1-800-CONTACTS even deliver to Storybrooke?

Let me speak for myself and a few others when I say....HUH? I knew the Zelena reveal was coming, but...why? What even is her endgame? To make Regina suffer and take away her happy ending? Regina doesn't think she has a happy ending yet, hence the search for the Author, so what is being taken away? There were plenty of times when "Marian" was alone with Regina. Why not just shank her, then use the clover pendant to BE her and basically live her life, which was what Original Flavor Zelena wanted all along? Not to mention all the times "Marian" could have died without Zelena somehow magically intervening to save her to own life? When Marshmallow almost stomped her? When her heart was frozen? Like I'm supposed to believe Zelena would leave her purse on the sidewalk to be snatched while she picked up Roland? And what is her plan now? To live in domestic bliss with Robin and Roland just to keep them away from Regina? What is the point in that? Why not just kill them both and ensure Regina will never see them again? Zelena gloating over Rumple was pretty satisfying, but it's yet again another villain who manages to get one over on him. I'm still waiting for the "heroes" to be able to do the same, for once. The best part of this episode was seeing "Granny's Takeout" on Robin's phone. Bring on Cruella. She's the only thing keeping me watching. Before I forget...WHERE IS YOUR WIFE, WILL?

I want to see Pongo face to face with Cruella, but everything else.... lowered expectations.....

Normally I haaaaate people who cry at the slightest set back, because usually it's just a ploy to get sympathy (Miranda, anyone?), but I don't hold it against Emily. She has her moments, then pulls herself together and gets shit done. More importantly, she doesn't let her meltdowns affect anyone else's work. No one has to stop what they're doing to help her or comfort her.

Cruella, Mal, and Rumple need to each fall into either fatalities or leaving town, because I can't see all three of them staying through next season.

Gaston walks in with the chipped piece in his hand, and some crazy glue.

Lord, now I'm picturing Ted, except with a CGI Pooh Bear and grown up Christopher Robin. Not gonna lie, I would watch the shit out of that.

I don't object in any way to Regina getting a love interest, or even a True Love, I only object because it's ROBIN HOOD, of legendary Robin Hood and Maid Marian lore. NO. It's Robin Hood and Maid Marian always. Was there no other fairytale character they could have hooked Regina up with? The Pied Piper? Humpty Dumpty? Hercules? Prince Caspian of Narnia? Tin Man? Galahad? Mowgli? Blackbeard? The Kraken? The Butcher? The Baker? The Candlestick Maker?

Hook was an utter ass to Rumple, but if you look at the big picture, the "kidnapping" scenario actually made Rumple look better than he was. What's more humiliating? To tell people your wife left you for a pirate and you did nothing, or that she was kidnapped by pirates? If Rumple had even just picked up the sword, then the story would have been that he fought for his wife, but could not save her. He could tell Bae that evil pirates stole his mother, not that his mother didn't want him any more and left willingly. For the years after she left until he killed her as the Dark One, he really did think she was kidnapped, not that she left him because she didn't love him any more. Did Neal ever find out the truth about Milah's death anyway? Did he go through the portal before or after Milah's death? I can't keep the timeline straight in my head.

I would have run screaming from the theater when the revealed all those dolls at the beginning. Porcelain dolls, ventriloquist dummies, and marionettes are my trifecta of nope. GAAAAHHHHHH! I don't know how Julian has managed to stay on the show for this long with the crap work he's done week after week. This week he was just lucky that Adam didn't adhere to the actual challenge in any way. Julian could have made a life-sized exact replica of the ventriloquist dummy and it would have been far creepier than what he actually did.

I watched the ep on Sunday, but it has taken me until today to be able to post something coherent, because every other attempt I've made just ends in me ragequitting before posting. All I can say is retcon, retcon, retcon, contradiction, nonsense, flames, FLAMES...ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE. I don't know why this show is so hellbent on destroying Snow White, and Charming by association. You know, if you want to prop up the villains, you don't have to do it at the expense of all the "heroes" in the story, you just have to be creative and write reasonably sympathetic backstories for said villains. He wasn't even in this ep, but since it still hasn't been addressed, I still have to ask...Where is Anastasia, WILL?