JocelynCavanaugh

I don’t remember anything about accidents, just a lot of speeding tickets. Micah seems kind of impulsive and not great at self-regulating. Is it just me or is Helena a bit dull? I barely remember her from the last season, but on the beach trip every time she talked I ended up skipping ahead. The way she speaks is excruciating to me, and she doesn’t say anything interesting. I kind of feel bad for her being so obviously hung up on Micah while he’s out on dating apps getting plenty of non-Helena attention. It happens to a lot of people, but I’m afraid Helena’s processing speed is going to keep her from moving on in time to avoid major damage. Barry and Kim get plenty of much-deserved criticism and I’m no fan of either, but I’m not finding any of these main characters all that sympathetic either. I understand they’re products of their upbringing, but they’re all a little bratty, too. I was impressed that Olivia owned up to her part in the poor relationship with her in-laws. She normally strikes me as someone who thinks she’s more mature than she actually is, but that was real progress. Begrudging points to Olivia, MVP of the episode due to attrition!

Yes! I'm glad they got him help because he was clearly in distress, but... that's my BP if I miss a dose of beta blocker.

They do? Damn, I’ve been missing out on all kinds of unfair advantages! Stupid integrity always holding me back. I respectfully disagree about her competence. She runs her mouth a lot and confidently proclaims how accomplished and special she is. As we say in Texas*, she’s all hat and no cattle. Apparently this is an effective strategy with many people. Her actual performance was meh; she followed the step-by-step instructions Lexi provided with her mouth full of chips. She put on a show of being supes agreeable and DTF and scolded her supervisor for mildly suggesting that wasn’t going to cut it. *No one says this in Texas. Exactly. I strongly believe Delaney was more trouble than she was worth. It was just that everyone on the ship who’s into women was willing to overlook all that and Katie wasn’t. I watch a lot of noncompetitive reality shows (Teen Mom, Married at First Sight, a bunch of TLC junk), and I understand that there are producers and some things are re-enacted or contrived. With that established, I prefer to just let the shenanigans unfold and not spend the season making a yarn espionage diagram on my living room wall a la Carrie Mathison. We see what we see, so that’s what I go by, plus maybe after-show type interviews, but I never want spoilers. I have a mentally exhausting job! I just want dumb TV routed straight to my brain, no chaser!

From the WebMD article linked above. I can't remember if Tyler has had problems with opioids specifically. He does seem especially prone to addiction in general. The article also says that ketamine is given through IV infusions or nasal spray. If using the nasal spray, patients are required to be on a regular antidepressant, too. So I guess we can assume Tyler is getting the drip!

I think I understand why Katie didn’t want Delaney back, or maybe I’m projecting. It’s frustrating to watch all of them, but especially Katie, talk around this issue. Delaney lied on her resume. I know I keep harping on this but I think it’s a big deal. Lying about job skills is unprofessional. Lying about skills on a yacht, where safety and liability are paramount, is reprehensible. Delaney has told us herself, in her dumb doe-eyed way, about many times when she’s gotten her way through manipulation. I absolutely despise people like that. I know no one is a huge fan, but I may be exceptionally disgusted by it. My Meyers-Briggs, Enneagram, Gallup Strengths, and even horoscope are all about how my type values order, consistency, and integrity. Katie may be similar in that respect, but held back by her anxiety and need for people to like her. So Delaney gets away with her lie because they’re desperate. She ends up canceling out Lexi’s laziness and not much more. She has to be trained on every single process. Sure, she puts on the chipper, hardworking act. It’s part of the manipulation. Bringing Delaney back would: 1. Necessitate more hand-holding. There’s no way she mastered laundry already. She’s a fuckin dingbat. She’s not a turnkey employee. 2. Reward her lies and thirst. Some people are pragmatic and will overlook that if they need help, or maybe not be bothered by it at all. For better worse, I’m not those people. I’ll take on the extra work rather than bring back little miss Evewything is Epic. Also I just think she’s fake and annoying and a try-hard. If she’s a qualified crew member who does her job competently, I can deal. If she’s skating by on her dubious charms, that’s a no from me, Delonny.

I’ve never paid much attention to Josh because… well, obviously, so maybe this has come up before, but has he had a problem with opioids? His nonstop gravelly vocal fry deal in this episode sounded exactly like the people on Intervention who are hooked on OxyContin or Fentanyl. He was able to stand normally and use a hot stove, so maybe that’s just his natural, ugly voice. IDK. That whole family is depressing. Mackenzie is beautiful and seems to be good at the fitness thing, but she’s an idiot in ways that can really harm others, including her own unlikable children. I never see Jaxie, but the boys make my skin crawl. They’re both so defiant and sullen looking. I am a mean old grownup who doesn’t think all kids are cute. Hers don’t seem like they’ll have a chance to grow into functional, productive adults, but we can hope. Most of the women on this show reinforce a theory I’ve gotten from teaching college for 10+ years. The awareness around mental health has improved, and it’s starting to be destigmatized, which is definitely good. But I think it also catalyzes mental illness thinking patterns in people, especially young adults, who might have otherwise dealt with a thing and moved on. I don’t doubt that Maci, Amber, and Catelynn all have real issues. I just wonder if there could’ve been more progress if they weren’t so enabled to get stuck on a diagnosis as an identity.

I agree about this. I also think her hair would be really nice if she took better care of it. This made me curious, so I checked, and as I suspected, procedures are much more affordable there. An RF microneedling treatment in India costs around $200 US (10,000-25,000 rupees) vs. about $800 here. An old-fashioned facelift is about $2,800-$3,500 vs. $10,000-$15,000 in America. I don't think every woman is obligated to "fix" their looks by any means, but if I were living with a much younger man in a country with very few fair-skinned people (so less... understanding? for how our skin ages so visibly), where these procedures are much cheaper but seem to be fairly safe, I'd go for it! Jenny appears to have a ton of sun damage, probably from living for decades in Palm Springs and not being militant about the SPF. She could have also been a smoker, which would make the wrinkling and sagging so much worse. She definitely has smoker energy. I also would not spend a second trying navigate the crowded streets of India in glasses, because the lack of peripheral vision makes me feel disoriented, and they'd probably get dirty so fast. When people always wear glasses, I assume they can't wear contacts or else they would!

There was a black screen at the end that said Olivia moved out after they shot that scene. I’m not sure how it will fit in with all the previews where we saw her hanging out like usual. If they’re both set on living different lifestyles, they need to rip the Band-Aid. I totally understand that in their subculture, divorce is still shameful and women often bear most of the blame, but I’m not sure they realize how bad it will be for themselves to try to drag this out, no matter what people think.

This show is a bunch of people who want to be in relationships so bad they'll force it with anybody.

Does Fernanda ever have a segment where she's not talking with her mouth full? I feel like I'm in some kind of reverse-Pavlov thing where any time I hear her voice, SHE starts salivating and smacking and slurping. She's fucking disgusting. I'll never get over that exceptionally bad blowup with her ex-husband (honestly can't remember his name -- Corey? Evan? Chuck? Eric?*) where she was blubbering at him and she had snot and tears and spit pouring out of every hole on her head. She's so gross her segments should air during Dr. Pimple Popper. *Turns out it was Jonathan...

She said she had deck stew expewience but it was weawwy just Costco pwattews

This is the term John Green uses in Crash Course videos to keep them G-rated (ish). Steven is the right age to have been watching those in/for school and he definitely seems like the type to be into John Green lingo. Didn't Bini say at the beginning of the season that it's really hard to find jobs there? He seems to be working a mix of PT gigs. Maybe there's not much Ari can do, especially without speaking Amharic. It's common to have a nanny there, and it gives one more person a paying job. Ari is a dingbat and the baby is better off with another pair of eyes on him. Sumit is a shiftless loser and Jenny is stupid. No excuses for them. The "we were on a break" reference is amusing, but from how I understood it, Corey and Evelin weren't "on a break." She dumped him but he couldn't go home (because of COVID? not clear on the timeline), so he went to Peru. When he met Jenny, he believed his relationship with Evelin was over. Unlike Evelin, who slept with half the guys in Engabao while Corey believed they were together. This was confirmed by her friend who pretends to be Corey's friend to torment him. Corey's capacity for humiliation is disturbing. I think we're about done with "toxic sisters" as a trope on this franchise. Evelin, Bini, Libby, Asuelu, Pedro, Melanie, Tom, Jorge... did I miss anyone? OK, TLC, we get it. Sisters can be such bitches! <eyeroll>

So is marital rape. Some people also have choice names for women who will fuck someone they just met, just because they don't have the right paperwork. There's a mental hurdle for some people when it comes to immediate intimacy. In any civilized culture, that should always take precedence over the other person's base urges or an artificial timetable of how fast they "should" move. This stuff is all skimming the Venn diagram with rape culture.

Maybe I’m giving him too much credit, but I assumed he does have spreadsheets or something, and the whiteboard is more about having a visible motivator up in his house. If that’s his only “bookkeeping,” he’s not as savvy as he thinks. It doesn’t even make sense. I have eschewed Torchy’s ever since I found a… certain type of hair… in a color not found on my body… at the bottom of my mostly eaten meal… (Casa Linda location if anyone wants to avoid that fate.) The discussions about how adults or married couples “should” use money, or what’s “normal,” are rooted in the same misunderstanding so many of these couples have. It’s the tendency to assume that there’s one correct or normal way to handle personal finances, and that it just happens to be the way you’ve always done it. There are actually lots of ways to use money within the “normal” range. Decisions about shopping or eating at restaurants or travel come down to what people value and what tradeoffs make sense to them. Myrla, Gil, Rachel, and José all seem to be doing fine financially and were mostly content with their budgets. The only problem is they were matched with spouses who have very different ideas, and especially for Myrla and José, are very stubborn about them. Maybe they will decide the marriages are worth committing to and learn to compromise, or at least get off the other person’s back and let a few things slide. Or maybe they’ll be so sure that their way is the only way that they’ll walk away from a potentially good marriage over it. With the more stubborn partners, it could also be an unconscious way to keep up certain walls, whatever those may be. I will never be okay with the idea that it’s “just” a kiss and no “normal” woman should ever have a problem kissing a man just because they’re legally married. Kissing and physical touch affect people differently. For some perfectly normal, non-evil, non-defective people, it actually is a big deal to kiss someone. If it’s a kind of touch you wouldn’t do with a sibling, then it’s not something you should be expected to perform on command. Myrla married a stranger but doesn’t want to kiss him?! Well, yes. That’s not insane, actually. He is a stranger. She wants to be married, but she takes relationships very slowly, as confirmed by her friends. There’s a reason MAFS can’t contractually require physical intimacy, and it’s related to why prostitution and slavery are illegal. Bodily autonomy is kind of a thing in our culture.

This forum, subreddits, Twitter, and everyone I’ve talked to in real life — all of whom have mentioned it unprompted, usually the first thing they say if I ask if they’re watching this season. Normally I don’t feel this strongly about this kind of thing, but I don’t think I can convey to you how absolutely obvious it is to many of us. You can @ or quote people directly so they know when you’re responding to them.

Some guys have seemed gay in past seasons, and maybe 1-2 really were. But José is eliciting an overwhelming gut reaction among a significant number of viewers. It’s not just stereotypes like a man who enjoys rom-coms or is close to his mother. He’s not flamboyant or high-voiced or delicate. I think you can rest assured that we’re not all little unbroke fillies here. We’ve met men before and we know what we’re picking up on. There is a distinct energy there and many of us recognize it. Cuero! “Guero” is slang for a white person. Not super offensive but along the lines of “gringo” or “whitey.” It’s also the name of Beck’s best album. According to Gen Z, side parts and skinny jeans are fashion crimes. They can be quite haughty about it. I’m glad your daughter fought past the noise. One needs an exquisitely symmetrical face to pull off symmetrical hair. Most of us are not that fortunate. She knows! She thinks she’s quirky. It’s painful to watch.

You’re welcome to @ or quote me directly. It’s just a hypothetical I made up. I did not set parameters on age. The whole imaginary scenario was a tragic, unnatural death, wherein age would not be a factor and the dissolution of the marriage wouldn’t carry a stigma in their culture. (This is loosely based on people I know, so it does happen, and nobody was old; one just got glioblastoma. Between a honeymoon baby, a surprisingly fast adoption, and a baby conceived during the adoption process, they racked up three kids in under three years of marriage. Just in time for the brain tumor.) I don’t actually have the power to consign Ethan to any fate whatsoever, much less the most horrible of all: a woman over 22. My whole point was I think Ethan would be happier with someone whose values and goals are similar to his. Because he will have lost a few “prime” (not my opinion) years to his first marriage, which is declining rather slowly but surely, divorce, and some time to collect himself, he might appreciate starting out with some pre-baked kids before mixing up a few of his own. If the imaginary widow I made up also married at 19, this still puts us well shy of 30. Also, based on my own experience of growing up evangelical, I think he might find comfort and propriety in marrying someone who had also been married before. I didn’t mention it before because I didn’t want to conjure the tired “what evangelicals believe” conversation.

It seems like Ryan is used to being successful in the way that any decent looking white man with a bit of money can be. He’s set and cleared modest goals and is not used to struggling. Watching him struggle to feel successfully about Brett reminds me a little of Derek Zoolander being told the files are “inside the computer.” Maybe if smash, can find? I still get disoriented whenever Zach and Michaela have a segment. Them? U sure, Lifetime? Johnny drives me nuts with his over-thinking and flipping to hostile at warp speed over… like… WTF is he even flipping out about. I start to feel bad for Bao, and then she goes and does that asshole baby awkward sex toddler act in her selfie video while Johnny pretends to sleep next to her, and I’m like “Oh right. Her.” She has three modes: 1. Fine 2. Militant snob 3. Sexy Asian babydoll. Myrla is an agent of chaos. I don’t consider it homophobic to suggest that José is gay on account of how he is almost certainly homosexual. Nothing wrong with being gay, but you do lose a few points for marrying a female stranger and immediately trying to sabotage the relationship with your special house blend of love-bombing, nitpicking, and financial tyranny.

Lexi is broken. I agree, it’s probably a personality disorder. Either way, she’s toxic and antisocial in the true sense of the word. It’s unlikely she will ever change. Mat is a familiar type to me, although I can’t exactly place who he reminds me of. A little weird, inappropriate, and too sensitive (nothing against sensitive men — but anyone who is too touchy is a pain to deal with), but also has a sense of humor and is legitimately good at what he was hired for. He shouldn’t have poked that Bahamian crab, but he didn’t say the kinds of things Lexi said. The thing I can’t stand about people like Lexi AND Delaney is how they fool or manipulate so many people. Captain Wrong Priorities thinks Lexi is a swell gal. Top notch. Heart of gold on that one. What’s that Malia? She called someone the “r” word repeatedly? Well, in my day that was the clinical term, and she was accepted to nursing school, after all. Probably just doing some pro bono work! Obviously, Lexi is on another level of vile, but Delaney got away with some major bullshit and I suspect it’s a talent she’s deployed to get lots of things since the original Cheewios Capew — vawedictowian, Bewkewey, a role on Bwavo where she’s utterly unqualified to fold a towel, but would argue with Chief Justice Warren himself about how she knows better. Her unique brand of sexy/stupid obstinance really works. I’d try it out but I’d be disgusted with myself. Delaney is a certified thirst trap with a weird face and an arguably good body that’s just a leeeeetle bit proportioned like a gummi hot girl who got left in the car on a hot girl summer day. Attenuated, is what I’m saying. The girl is tall but the ass is ADA accessible — not only could you bounce a quarter on it, you could also comfortably write a check from a seated position. The cheese on a pizza commercial. Stretch Armstrong, more like Stretch Assstrong, IYKWIM. She lied. On her resume. And then lied about the lies. This needs to be mentioned more. No awards for not totally fucking up a job you claimed you knew how to do. Not on my ship. I’m Captain Cavanaugh and we’re leaving the liars and psychos back at Split.

I’m not sure if you’re referring to my comment, but I didn’t say “old,” and I said a family they could “add to” — meaning more kids with Ethan’s DNA, since some people care about that so much. By inference, the widow couldn’t be that “old.” I know the car working stuff keeps coming up, but I didn’t make a judgment about it. It’s just a hobby. Fascinating what we read into other people’s words sometimes.

It was a huge mistake for Ethan and Olivia to ever marry. They’re not compatible at all. They were young and wanted out of their strict family homes. This was one of the few ways they could do that without going nuclear, plus the bonuses of “guilt-free” sex and being smug about how mature they are because they’re married (more of an Olivia vibe). But it turns out that the vast majority of people are indeed subject to the factors that make marrying young a bad idea, and they’re no exception. I could see Ethan as a doting stepdad and second husband of a widow, maybe one whose first husband was heroically killed in the line of duty, or saving a drowning child at Pensacola. Ethan, emerging from a year or two of darkness and car tinkering post-divorce, is ready to throw himself into commitment to a small-town lady with a built-in family they can add to. They’ll host Backyard Bible Clubs for Second Baptist Church. He may run into Olivia sometimes when she’s home for a visit, and they’ll be cordial, but not especially nostalgic. Olivia will be having too much fun to marry again. She might buy a live-work loft in Atlanta or Charlotte, fill it with candles and dramatic furniture, then live in Phuket or Goa for a year. Eventually, she’ll end up in the Bay Area; maybe she’ll have a long-term non-marriage like Kurt and Goldie. No kids, maybe some exotic pets. Always creative, a little tiresome, but generally harmless. Meanwhile, Max is shopping for a “pinkie promise ring” for Moriah, because they’re special, and commitment at 19 will definitely work for them. Totally different from Ethan and Olivia, who are a traditional, reserved guy and a free-spirited young woman eager to live her best sexy life. Toooootally diff. No worries here. Then the real Max comes out in the previews where he wants to know if her confidence depends on showing her ass… which… is not a bad question. But it’s not a question Moriah is prepared to answer. She’s made it as far as “I’m young and free and I can wear whatever I want,” but not quite to “maybe sometimes I could show off my personality instead.” I’m afraid even after she outgrows this phase, she may never ditch the garish lip shades. Moriah: if they make Nerds candy in that color, it’s not a face color for you. I actually like all of the Plath kids, as much as I’ve seen of them. They’re all coping with growing up in isolation, with arbitrary rules, competition for resources (including parental affection), and a HUGE, horrible tragedy (which they do acknowledge, just super awkwardly). Yet they each seem like decent and interesting people with surprisingly well-developed senses of self. It’s possible most of them will turn out okay; they just have a long road of delayed adolescence to travel first.

I think I remember Whitney being really short, and Ashley doesn't tower over her, so that could be it.

Since I haven’t yet caught up to the season(s) where Malia garnered so much animosity, I’m only going by her behavior in this one. So far, she’s one of my favorites. She must have learned from whatever she got herself into before. Also, I know I’ve said this before but I’m super jealous of her body. I wonder if it’s just bosun-ing and good genes, or if she’s busting her ass during whatever breaks she gets on the boat. All that said, I do agree she was too flippant about David’s “bruise,” which is so horrific I wonder if it could cause some kind of blood contusion thing. (Obviously I have no medical training.) Although I like Mzi, he’s starting to bug me with his drunken antics. Lexi even paid Mat an unqualified compliment in the crew galley, which seemed like it could have smoothed over some of their tension until Z jumped in to correct her that Mat is not a great chef, he’s a great person. Ugh, WHY?! Mat may have been the instigator at their outings, but the things Lexi said, and the amount of poking and taunting she continued to do, were far worse. He’s rude; she’s soulless. I don’t like either of them, but he’s less scary and more likely to actually do his job well, multiple flounces notwithstanding. I would bet all my tip money he doesn’t keep a tattered and ever-expanding burn list in his cabin. Delaney’s greatest talent in life is fooling people. She shows off that body and yells “pick me,” and all the guys and half the ladies are like “OK yeah, you seem competent.” Meanwhile I’m over here with the checklist of bullshit and she hasn’t missed an item yet. Malia tried to give her good advice and she argued. Katie also tried to explain nicely that it was obvious Delaney lied on her resume, and she argued with that too. The impediment continues to wax and wane, almost like a real-time meter of her thirst for attention. I also enjoyed that Mat called out Lexi saying Delonny and Dewaney correcting her repeatedly. Delaney also told on herself with the comment about how it’s weird that everyone says names twice on the radio. Basic boat info, Delonny! The whole group was cracking me up that one night, though, especially the moment when Lloyd walked back to the galley to find leopard suited Delaney airplaning various crew members and Courtney and Mzi attempting to mimic it on the banquette, quickly giving up, then Courtney twerking in resignation. The twerking got so annoying it’s come back around to hilarious. I find this group’s nerdy antics far more entertaining than the Jersey Shore style club cruising that other seasons did.

To build on this, nobody likes to be woken up if they’re trying to sleep! It should be understood that a spouse or housemate will try not to wake someone up unless they’re a total clod or have some kind of neurological difference. If Michaela is making an announcement about this thing that should be obvious, she’s either telegraphing that she thinks Zack is a clod (or non-neurotypical?) or that she thinks she’s super special and her sleep is uniquely important. Either way… yikes.

Didn’t she say she studied Psychology first, though? I remember her claiming both, just like Lexi’s Biology degree that turned into a Physics degree during a drunken tirade. I don’t think I can sit through that episode again just to confirm. These people are exhausting.