Oldernowiser

So I was thinking maybe the stupid kiss photos were a generational thing, but last weekend I saw my nephew’s wedding album. He’s slightly younger than these two chuckleheads and he and his now-wife are the happiest newlyweds I ever saw. There is one photo of them kissing...at the end of their vows. One. In their wedding photos. Nope. The Dullards are wildly overcompensating.

Melanoma. Moronia. Malaria.

The more they brag, the worse it is.

Pet peeve: just because it’s a little kid singing does not change the fact that it’s ATROCIOUS and hurts to hear.

Famewhores beget famewhores. Anyone who marries into the Duggardome is halfway down that road...Reverend FP and Lauren are just the worst. So far.

That’s the most genuine facial expression I’ve ever seen on him...and it’s over a stupid tie. Felicity, now...she gets it. That’ll practically a Samuel-quality WTF expression she’s got going on.

And sees Josh there every time...and they pointedly turn their backs to one another.

Ding ding ding! Oxnard

Every time I read Oxnard, I think of Big Bang Theory...”I have to move in with my daughter in Oxnard!!! And we’re not talking Oxnard at the beach, we’re talking Oxnard at the onion fields!!!”

I am SO OVER people curating their lives instead of living them.

I like to believe that they’re as happy as they look and they’ve decided to create their own world away from all the hypocrisy and bullshit. (What’s Fundiespeak for bullshit?) I kinda wonder if Abbie shilling for Schmattas R Us and doing it much better than Jill might have caused a rift? But Jill is only a Duggar By Sufferance these days, so I doubt they would shun Abbie on her behalf.

Mine was, “putz.” Yiddish is the all-time greatest language.

Um, maybe this is her delicately bitchy way of describing their sex life?

And...he learns nothing. He has a pout mouth. I can see him getting his panties wadded pretty easily.

Six syllables. Total genius. Bravissimo.

Show them the silk Rembrandt pocket square...in EUROS.

Now I’m having fun with potential Michelle headstones... -Could have died 19 times. Finally did. -Joyfully unavailable -Who’s the sainted matriarch now, bitches! Others?

Okay, so I am jetlagged out of my mind at the moment but Derrick does look better post-surgery. I will give him that. Honestly, if he were a funny, kind, smart, generous self-deprecating kind of guy, he could actually be attractive in a gangly quirky way. But as science has yet to perfect the total personality transplant, he just really really isn’t.

Dumbshit. Translation: I had no idea that evil heathen book existed because I’ve been living under a bushel basket for my entire life.

My hero....

It’s not even the real Kama Sutra, is it? It’s some fundie knockoff. I hope the Goddess Kali hunts them down and smacks them around with all her hands.

So maybe she’s hiding a giant bald spot?

Oh, Jill. ” I’m so excited!” ” We’re excited to have you!” These people have zero sense of context...or irony.

Lame-a Sutra? Karma Sorta? This needs a more accurate name...

Oh dear God MAKE IT STOOOOPPPPP!!!!! What’s next, a recipe for lube made out of canned soup and tater tots?