Oldernowiser

Turns out Cade and Little Mama were on the same season of Idol. She went farther than he did, which makes his condescension about her career all the more grinding. No wonder he and RFP are BFFs.

“Punchable Cade” it is...

This is the essence of Cade. Bless his condescending misogynistic little heart.

“To smoke what the world calls the finest cigars from around the world.” Um, what? To recap, that’s booze, smoking and overpriced, not used, schmancy food, and an “upscale, sophisticated lounge” that’s “more mature.” (Euphemism for strip club?) So everything that is NOT the Duggar brand. That’s going to make for some interesting family reunions...

Mahoney’s dentist secretly hates him...those are some fakey fakiest dentures. Hope RFP doesn’t get his dentist’s name, because you KNOW veneers are coming.

Let’s make it punchable Aunt Beulah?

Maybe PAB is going for the Brian May look...but Brian May is incredibly intelligent and a lovely guy and it shows in his eyes. PAB...not so much.

Is PAB (Punchable Aunt Bev) also attending the Seminary of The Hallowed Penis?

That is utterly terrifying.

It’s okay. It’ll pass. I love that first photo...it’s so “can you believe this lame bullshit?” Sam is my Duggarganger.

I really, really hope they successfully rehomed Jake. If they did, good for them. Zero snark. But it's so RFP to make himself into the long-suffered hero, bravely dealing with his allergies. AND he doesn’t say anything about how they miss him. And it’s so Duggaresque to embellish just a tad too much. I’m a pet fanatic (at one point I had six cats and five dogs, all adored and spoiled) and over the decades I’ve had to make terribly hard decisions about what was best for them over and over. I get that. But it seems pretty out of sight, out of mind here for a cat Jer was calling the fourth family member. That’s all.

Ummmmhmmmm. Not buying it.

Sperm donor.

Josiah looks like he wants to cry, throw up or shoot himself. I feel so bad for that guy.

This. Why would she use the exact same bad photo she used to shill C&L clothes for a different company?

1) WTH happened to “Citrus and Lemon”? 2) THAT’S the photo she picks???? I think it’s her all-time worst! SMDH.

The bills for Jessa’s near-disaster of a home birth started coming in.

True, but KK also had a passel of also-insanely-hot sisters (thus upping the sex fantasy material 1000-fold), a former Olympian for a stepfather and an extremely shrewd, well connected and apparently amoral mother. Sex sells to the masses. Don’t have sex, don’t masturbate, get married young and churn out babies doesn’t appeal to anything like that many. And grandmas and tweens aren’t a big money market. But hey, Jill’s shoveling out sex advice. Maybe a sex tape for Christians isn’t that farfetched. (Oh dear God...)

This made me laugh for a very, very long time...the visuals are slaying me. “Here, somebody hold my fountain pen and my bespoke gold stamped leather Bible. Don’t DROP them! That’s mud, okay? Where was I...do you accept Christ as your personal SHIT don’t slop that stuff on my Gucci knockoffs! Cows drink out of this!!! Where was I...do you think these socks work with this sweater? Oh, sorry, forgot, you need to breathe, my bad...”

Brilliantly said. Without Jinger and Felicity, RFP’s got nothing. He’s not witty, insightful, interesting, creative, insanely fit, sexy (In California, there are guys infinitely hotter than he is filling the Slurpee machines), or knowledgeable about anything mainstream, like DIY. He dresses nicely but it’s nothing groundbreaking. Youtube sermons on masturbation don’t have a mass appeal I guess there may be a spot for him in the Country Club Christians but I don’t think he’s got that kind of money, either. That crowd can assess net worth to the dime. Very few ever became famous merely because they desperately wanted to be famous. Well, there’s always politics, but he picked the wrong state for that and I don’t think he wants to work that hard. Dunno. I think he’s kinda screwed.

She was the pop singer who bought the beach house...RuPaul’s client. As for not having the Duggars to snark on anymore...we will always have Derrick and the trapeze. Beige soup goop. “Yay!” Salad Dressing and Ranch. The Lama Sutra. And those are just some of the Dillard lowlights... Snarkwise, the Duggars are the gift that keeps on giving.

Nicole was on an episode of “Grace and Frankie” a couple of seasons ago, playing an entitled rich girl. (Type casting or what?) She looked good. She could not act worth a damn. I wonder if the next Fundie Family TLC unearths to make a new (exceedingly boring but cheaper to produce) show would have random Duggars as “guest stars.” Because I don’t see this Counting On gig lasting too much longer.

I wonder...if someone, ANYONE gave RFP a shot at fame that had nothing to do with the church, would he drop the ministry thing like a hot rock? Survivor? Paradise Island? Big Brother? Some other reality show involving nudity and alcohol? My bet would be yes.

That’s a lot of garlic for first thing in the morning when you’re going to be breathing on people on day...

Well, actually I did. The words kind of accidentally rhymed, no talent involved! And yes, the difference between men and women in weight control truly sucks. I suspect Jinger has three bites total out of those enormous plates of food while RFP chows down. His turn will come...bwahahaha. I do wonder...most foodbros are also pretty devoted to various forms of alcohol. Wonder how that plays with RFP.