Oldernowiser

And also never actually working. Or getting his manicured hands dirty. Tool. (or should I say, “hella tool”?)

Anybody remember the movie “Paper Moon”? Where the father is a hustler/Bible salesman who enlists his young daughter as his grifting partner? Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the 21st century’s Moses and Addie Pray. 🤮

She’ll visit the library for two espressos and twenty bucks. Swipe up!

Am I just old and out of touch (it’s okay, I’m good with that), but I would think that there’s a ton of wannabe famewhores where they now live competing in the low-rent hustle category? Who are prettier? That and this whole thing is so antithetical to being a minister it makes my head explode...

It’s just so tacky.

The idea of walking into a coffee shop (dragging my spouse and nonexistent baby) and hustling for free coffee drinks makes me cringe down to my curling toes. God how embarrassing.

This whole J&J shtick just strikes me as being bizarrely naive. Yes, TLC and their money is still around for the moment, but what makes RFP think they have the goods to become influencers? Or are even material for more than two VSE’s (“Duggars—Where Are They Now?”) Or anything more than, “Oh, yeah, her...wasn’t she from that weird Jesus family with all those kids back in the teens?” It’s like when a four-year-old tells you he’s going to be king. That’s kinda cute. But having that same kind of cluelessness at thirty is somewhat disturbing.

So what exactly would be the opposite of legit? Illegit?

“Swipe up!!!”

I haven’t heard that song in thirty years and yet the dogs and I are now dancing around while I sing, “we got a genuine Indian guru, teachin’ us a better way!” (They didn’t like the “ROCK AND ROLL!!!!!!” part, but they’re on board for the rest of it.)

If your kids are the ones singing “On the Cover of Rolling Stone” you are my personal all-time Mother of the Year. Bravo.

Intend to Live ...but the day’s young ...everything else I charge extra ...but don’t get cocky Seriously...stupid.

All time worst company name? Do they have an “Intend to Die” subsidiary?

She can try, but two cups of sugar? I haven’t made blondies in years but their flavor is based totally on the sugar caramelizing in butter. There really isn’t anything else in the recipe other than vanilla that gives it any flavor at all. So I can maybe see using olive oil for some other kind of dessert, but this? Fail.

Felicity’s face is so, “Mom? This fucking guy?”

I’m kinda embarrassed for all of them but especially Mahoney, because he’s a forty-something hanging out with the twenty-something cool kids who aren’t even cool...or even cool-adjacent. Sad.

Olive oil?

If Jill didn’t directly rip that off word for word from one of their fundie marriage manuals I’m an orangutan. No way “yay” put all those concepts together in her head, let alone in words. So, yes, Derrick knows about plagiarism but clearly he doesn’t give a damn. Twice.

First, Churchhoney, you are a treasure. You know amazing things and I learn so much from you. Second, see quote above...if this is the goal, RFP has some inner work to do, because God doesn’t give two shits about veneers and pocket squares.

Okay, now, thanks to their excessive and icky oversharing, this is just skeevy. Run along, little horn dogs. Nobody’s impressed that you’re about to have sex.

Give it time...

When I was in grad school I took one evening off a week. Other than that it was class, lab, studying, eating while studying and sleeping. Oh and I went to the gym for one hour twice a week. That’s it. This “master’s course” he’s taking must be utter cake.

So it’s what we in heathen world call “lying.” These people are so far beyond hypocritical they’re sneaking up on it from the other side.

Well, technically, he didn’t say whether that was alone or with HoneyBabySnookums, so...

Reluctantly, oh so reluctantly, dragging my virtual feet every inch of the virtual way, I will give the Duggalos credit for one important thing: I know absolutely nothing about their sex life. As it should be.