VioletNevermind

This show is becoming more of a sitcom with each passing week. You can practically hear the laugh track. “I don’t have a head wife in this family!” The fuck you don’t, Kody. Robyn is all but preening in her chair during the group discussion about the master’s rules. Most of the rules read like they were written in the third week of March 2020. Covid was a dream scenario for Kody. He knew that Robyn would do whatever Daddy demanded, while the other wives would want to make adjustments (no comment either way on their choices). And why the hell do they have a nanny?! Robyn is home all day! Is she curled up on the couch, racking up more Victoria’s Secret charges? If I were the other wives, I would be incensed. What a crafty bitch she is. I’m so glad that Christine was finally able to bail out of this ship of fools. He basically told her that it was his way or the highway and she packed her bags and hit the road.

This show is starting to make me seriously sad for Jazz. She’s been on TV since before she could make independent adult decisions and now here she is, at barely 21, with every aspect of her life and past on display. My heart ached for Jazz when her mother stated outright that she loved Jazz, but not her body. Damn. I understand that her family is worried about her weight and health (I have an issue, myself), but there is a difference between expressing concern from the heart in private and bombarding her with criticisms and scrutiny. The scene where the kids made dinner together made my skin crawl. Even worse was when her brother reached over and picked up some of her pasta to show the family how much butter was on it. Jazz has reached an age where she should ask that her siblings mind their own goddamn business and butt the fuck out. The worst part is that she really can’t draw boundaries at this point because so much of her identity is built around broadcasting her issues to the world at large. Speaking of butting out, I’m astounded that her mother, grandmother, and sister all attended the appointment with the nutritionist. I’ve been to two nutritionists and was not asked to weigh in, nor was there much focus on my psychological and emotional reasons for eating. That should be addressed in therapy with a qualified mental health professional. Also, I must say, the nutritionist clearly enjoys being on TV just as much as Sander does. As for Sander, it’s probably best that I say nothing. He is a complete joke to me.

Good God, this is the most tedious shit I have ever watched. I have spent what feels like a decade listening to this bunch of simpletons harangue about properties, ponds, and wet bars. It took me 20 goddamn years to buy a house against considerable odds and I promise you that less conversation and hand-wringing went into the final stages of the purchase. As much as I absolutely loathe Kody, he needs to just put his foot down as the so-called “leader” of this “family” (according to their religious beliefs), make a decision, and let the chips fall where they may. None of these people are happy. Not Kody, the “wives,” or the poor children. Every one of those kids are going to sprout wings when they turn 18 and fly far, far away from this clusterfuck. And I hope they do.

Good for Bao. She earned that refusal. Bao leaves a little to be desired as a spouse, but Johnny acted like a petulant toddler throughout this entire season. Don’t let the door hit you, Johnny. 👋

Oh, Maci. I just know you’re not complaining about having to clean out the garage without Taylor. Taylor will have to fill up every car you own from here to eternity due to your “PTSD,” so I think you can move a few boxes around on a Saturday afternoon without bitching about it. She earned an extra eye roll from me with that. Catelynn and Tyler want to have Nova in the delivery room?! I guess my main question is: Why? I’m all about teaching kids the proper names for parts of their anatomy, etc., but there is no need to force a child that young to witness her mother in that vulnerable a position. Why not let her spend the day with Grandma or someone, all excited about her new baby sister, and then meet her in the hospital after everything has been stabilized? Who knows, maybe I’m the crazy one. Ugh, these overgrown children make me ill. The look on that “parenting coordinator’s” face was hilariously sad. Hey, I have an idea: Get off of this fucking show and parent your kids before the wheels fall off completely. Her little boy is about four years away from the point where his teachers will lose all patience with him and she will not be able to contain him. He is crying out for his adults to create and enforce some boundaries and structure. The answer does not lie in this bullshit parenting coordinator. Good for Gary for keeping his cool and not allowing Amber to demand a scheduled day for James and Leah to spend together. It would just be one more way for Amber to disappoint Leah when she inevitably cancels. Amber doesn’t seem to realize that she has a lot to make up for. She also doesn’t understand that using her “mouth” as an excuse for her deplorable behavior simply does not fly. This bitch is 31-years-old. Time to either grow up and show up or get out of the way.

Yikes. Kinda hard to get into a sexytime mood with a strange woman moaning in your face (WTF was that about?) and a rack of kettlebells in the background. As for Jose locking Rachel out, she should have called the police to allow her access to the apartment, gathered her stuff, and left. For good. And to hell with the inevitable Pastor Cal intervention that would ensue.

I’d like to submit the first nomination for Gil to receive a Nobel Peace Prize for his handling of Myrla. Even if it doesn’t work out (and dear Lord, I hope it doesn’t for his sake), his conduct during this entire process has been unbelievably patient and kind. He is the ONLY one who is truly taking this “experiment” seriously and is honestly giving it a shot. (Call me in a few weeks, Gil! 🔥)

Absolutely not- and it could be argued that online degrees from accredited universities require an even stronger work ethic and major dedication, not to mention self-discipline. It’s very easy to just blow off your assignments when you’re earning a degree from home and you don’t have to answer to anyone. The least Amber can do is attend classes between therapy appointments from her nest on the couch while wrapped in four or five chenille throws.

I just have to ask Maci a question: What would you do if you didn’t have anyone to fill up your car for you? I’m guessing that this issue would have been put to bed many, many fill-ups ago. Those of us without MTV paychecks who have actual jobs don’t have such luxuries. You want to see panic? Talk to a single mom who has a job to report to tomorrow morning and doesn’t have money for gas. Ugh, I loathe these people. Any true struggle in their lives left the building long ago. All we’re watching now are grown-ass rich people who either don’t work at all or endorse shit on social media. The kids are the true victims here. Many of them are preteens. I would say one more time that the show needs to end, but I’m just screaming into the void at this point.

Hey, Maci? I will personally volunteer to buy your gas (and send Taylor to get it due to your PTSD, oh my God) for a year if you take Bintley off of this show. DM me for the details. She is milking the hell out of that gas station incident. Speaking of deals: Amber? I will buy your next pair of ginormous glasses (even if they have prescription lenses) if you complete even one semester of college. Cheyenne, if you actually get a storyline, we’ll work something out for you. Tyler and Catelynn discussing his therapeutic ketamine treatment and “shadow side” while their toddler climbs all over them and their six-year-old sits next to them, drinking in every word, is just too much. These folks desperately need jobs and goals and structure, if only to model functional adulthood for their poor children. I bet Tyler and Catelynn would both feel at least a little bit better if they didn’t have endless amounts of time for navel-gazing and “processing.” If hell has a waiting room, the voice on the sound system will be Mackenzie’s reading a transcript of this show. The term “basic bitch” was coined specifically for this young lady.

I really, really want Bao and Johnny to make it. I like them as a couple and I think Johnny also will, as long as he allows himself to. Bao needs to play a little harder to get.

Uh, Myrla, that big, husky man fights fires all day and is rubbing your feet right now with his big, husky hands. Let him eat his chocolate chip cookies in peace.

Poor Gil, my God. They really did him wrong pairing him with Myrla. She won’t even walk his dog?!

Wow, Bao doesn’t even wash after a workout, much less after a long work day? Yikes. I don’t blame Johnny at all for being grossed out.

Ugh, I see that this is as big a shitshow as ever. I’m still astonished that this woman’s life is considered interesting enough to build a TV show around, but I’m the one not only watching it, but writing about it, so who am I to talk? I remain unconvinced that any of these people are actually friends. They don’t act like people who keep up with each other’s lives at all. Whitney’s friend (I don’t care enough to learn names) really didn’t know that she had been spending her time largely alone at home during the height of the pandemic? Every time they all get together, it seems like they’re old college friends who haven’t seen each other in 15 years, some of whom kind of don’t like each other. Still the same manufactured “plots” and “suspense” that are actually more of a turn-off than an enticement (i.e. the blurring of this French dude who doesn’t sound very French to me). It’s hard to believe that Whitney is 37-years-old. She acts like she’s about 15. She interacts with her parents and friends/castmates in a very childish way. Everything is all about drama and attention-seeking behavior that would be a tremendous turn-off for a lot of people her age. The situation-that’s-not-a-situation with Buddy is absolutely ridiculous. Tell him to pick up his stuff and that’s that. He either lives there or not, period. I don’t think Buddy is that great a guy to merit all of this drama, but can she really blame him for distancing himself from her? She busts his balls at every opportunity. I would avoid her, too. Side note: Last week, Chase looked like someone in the Witness Protection Program. I died when he came out with that horrible mustache. I have created Halloween costumes that looked more convincing.

Eating popcorn while lying down in a car is only one of Whitney’s terrible decisions. God help her.

This show has to win the prize for worst background music ever. Every song somehow sounds exactly the same, but each one sucks more than the last. It’s worse than Myrla lying in bed on her wedding night wearing a lumberjack shirt.

Poor Gil. There any plenty of women who would be more than happy to kiss him. (Call me when you unload her, Gil! 🙋‍♀️)

Poor Jose. I feel sorry for him. He’s so insecure. I think if he allows himself to calm down for two seconds, she’ll be great for him. Gil’s wife’s first phone call after her wedding should be to a lawyer to sue whomever sold her that dress. She looks like she’s wearing pantyhose on her arms.

Damn, serious gut punch for Jose. I literally groaned when she said that looks don’t matter. I can’t imagine she meant that as critically as it sounded, but yikes.

Yikes. If Ryan is genuinely into Brett at all, he has a funny way of showing it. I’m getting major phony vibes from him. She seems like a nice person, but the front of that dress looks like 10 pounds of sugar in an eight-pound bag.

They’re discussing their signature wedding cocktail. Whatever it is, it had better be served ON THE ROCKS. And with pome-granite. (Please forgive me. I’m in a boulder mood than usual.)

Wow, a flower delivery to the mother-in-law. Trés classy move.

Watching this nasty woman turn her cheek to Gil, all I can think is that this big, beautiful man deserves more than her. Maybe I’m a worse judge of character than I think I am, but he seems like a warm, well-meaning person. MAFS has a cruel sense of humor. (And that dress is absolutely hideous.)

Well, I returned to watching this show after some time away and . . . rocks. Painted wedding rocks. Wow. It’s a cute Mother’s Day gift from your fourth grader or a sweet little memento that your eight-year-old niece brings you back from a camping trip, but as a wedding favor? Not that attending a friend or family member’s wedding is about the swag, but I can’t imagine giving a rock as a gift to my guests as a grown-ass woman in my 50s. I really didn’t like Chris when he first entered the scene. In fact, I questioned his intentions. He’s grown on me, though. As I have grown to almost like him, Amy has become repugnant to me. I gave her a ton of free passes back in the day when she was with Matt and up to her eyeballs in child-rearing. I have no doubt that living with Matt was a special hell all its own, but when he rode his scooter off into the sunset with Caryn, Amy’s faults were highlighted big-time. She’s used to being with a man who left all matters inside the house to her, but Chris is clearly not that type of guy. He has my sympathy if only for the fact that Amy is so messy and disorganized and I would not. like. that. at. all. Maybe you really can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but I don’t think she realizes how much more streamlined things would be if she at least attempted to get organized. I can’t even imagine the amount of time she must spend just looking for shit. As for Zach and Tori, I hesitate to judge parents because Lord knows I faced some challenges as a young single mom, but those kids need some structure. When Jackson is acting out for attention and out of jealousy over his baby sister, there are ways to handle it that don’t involve lounging around and laughing at him or sending him to his room. He’s at the perfect age where he can be made to feel like a big boy for “helping” his sister and showing her how to do things. But what do I know? I don’t know why, but this killed me. 😂