VioletNevermind

I have known men like Ryan, as I’m sure many of us have. This is 100% about power and control, plain and simple.

Virginia, sweetheart, 38 is not old.

Haley’a face says, “Jake has cooties and I do not want to kiss him good morning.” We’re really trying to fit a square peg into a round hole here. Or, to make it relatable for 80s Jake, “Gag me with a spoon.” Either way, she ain’t kissing him.

“We haven’t included God.” Chris had better get to an interior room because he’s about to be struck by lightning. This guy is so far from conducting himself in a godly (or even halfway decent) way. I continue to have zero sympathy left for Paige.

Did this dumbass really just announce her password on national television? Lawd.

There is no way in this world that I could spend more than 10 consecutive minutes with these people. Kody is more than bad enough by himself, but trying to dill with all five of them together would be absolutely abhorrent.

Oh, Meri, STFU with your mama bear, “They’re my kids and I need to go to them!” bullshit. I cannot believe I agree with the Kodester, but he was right. The two of them are grown women and more than capable of making the trip on their own without an escort from a meddling mother. Stupid stuff like this is exactly why we’re still in this position a year later.

Oh, for God’s sake. Here goes Vincent. Has he been evaluated? This is nuts.

Paige, why is Chris not wearing that peach cocktail right now? Give me a break. Just leave. ETA: She’s going back to him. I. AM. DONE. (YO.)

Vincent and his bicicleta and Spanish words of the day on a chalkboard are adorable. Let’s hope he doesn’t pop off with zero warning and for no reason again this week. I really need to like him, considering the various dumpster fire couples we received this season.

Clara’s line about “free doughnuts if you listen to the self-help talk” has me ROLLING. Girl, you go ahead and chow down. The doughnuts look delicious, I am on a hardcore diet, and I am enjoying them through you.

Clara is a big, blonde ball of NEED. She doesn’t really annoy me and I do sense that she’s a nice person, but she’s pushing Ryan away. I’m not at all convinced that he was ready for this. I’m not talking Chris levels of not ready, but he’s definitely holding himself back.

In just a few short years, Virginia is going to look rode hard and put up wet all the time, not just when she’s loaded. Bless her heart, I feel sorry for her, but only to a point. No one has told her yet that it’s time to grow up. I fear that Daddy Eric will inadvertently push her even farther into her party girl lifestyle with what she somewhat accurately perceives as his neediness. As for Jake, he should be on the next bus out of here, seated right next to Paige. Haley really does think she’s something. It’s painful to watch Jake be slowly eaten alive each week. She won’t leave. She’ll just keep smiling (sort of) and wait until decision day, despite the fact that she made her decision before the first bottle of champagne was opened at the wedding.

Just when I thought Maci couldn't stoop any lower as a mother and human being, yet another one of underage, totally powerless Bentley’s rights to basic privacy bites the dust. “We get to have this on camera forever.” Yeah, bitch, I guess you do. I wanted to sink through the floor when I had to sit with a dozen or so of my same-sex classmates and learn about sex. Bentley gets to do it -and so much more- on national television. I cannot stand her. As for Amber, imagine if she had to actually have a real job and support herself in addition to her career “spreading body positivity.” Ditto for Mackenzie, who exercises on social media. And Catelynn, who does literally nothing but play all day long. These girls are going to be astounded by the demands of real life when the MTV gravy train pulls out of the station. My 25-year-old inner self is too tired from working her ass off all day to even laugh as I watch this show.

Chris is fucking delusional. I hope this serves as a warning to every woman he may meet in the future.

I’m sorry, but this just cannot be real at this point. No one can have self-esteem as low as Paige’s. I’m screaming at my TV that they all have to be paid actors because I just can’t comprehend any other reality.

Oh boy, Brianna’s mom was disrespectful to Vincent. 🙄

I bet Haley is tearing Jake to shreds with her friends behind his back. It makes me kind of sad for him. I don’t think he’s a bad guy. Maybe just an acquired taste and not for everyone, but a decent person if he’s given a chance to get comfortable.

Whew, Eric. This guy is kind of making me sick. He comes off as such a doormat. Virginia is giving off major “you’re not my father” vibes.

I find it interesting that Haley threw all kinds of shade at Jake’s 80s clothes when that top (with those sleeves) looks like something I may have worn to an elementary school honor roll assembly in 1989.

Oh, Vincent. Don’t you want a fun, sassy wife? I have truly never seen one bit of rudeness or disrespect from her. She seems like a really nice person.

I move that they recruit all of these people’s friends for next season. They seem much more balanced and measured than the actual couples.

I’m calling it now: Haley is completely done with Jake. The rest of the season is just purely academic and waiting out the clock.

Slightly off-topic: Is there a special database of crappy musical interludes and sound effects that this show uses? Their music is worse than a lot of other shows, especially the clips they use for cheerful scenes. It’s just one breathy female warble after another. As for this pastor’s advice to Chris, if you still have to “work on commitment,” you are far from ready for marriage. Even a MAFS marriage.

Dayum, Vincent. What the hell happened?! I leave for 20 seconds to go to the bathroom and he has fully flipped out and left. I need one of these men to be normal and I really was looking at you for that, Vincent.