VioletNevermind

I’m finally watching this week’s episode. I’m sitting here trying to imagine myself taking the time to listen to a podcast about Kailyn’s ovaries. As for the comments that people make on social media, is it nice? No, of course not. Should people do it? No, again. However, when you offer yourself and your life up to worldwide scrutiny, you’d better be able to handle the comments from the peanut gallery- especially the nasty ones. She “earns” a shitload of money from this show and people have every right to weigh in (pun very much intended). In short, boo fucking hoo, woman. (And I just have to ask: How are none of those women she’s talking to about freezing her eggs questioning that decision? Imagine being such a sycophant that you co-sign that nonsense for someone who already has all of those little boys with no dad in the home. Ditto for Jade and her decision to get all of those surgeries and then need help from people who have zero capacity to provide it.) Leah annoys me to the core of my being. She means so well, but she applies that care in ways that make zero sense for the girlses’ ages and stages. Sitting them down constantly for what amounts to a TED Talk about parenting, disease management, and education is irritating for the girlses and excruciatingly boring for the viewers. Addie does not want to analyze various teaching methods with Leah. She wants to play with her friends again and get out of the damn house. Leah is the one I worry about the most when this show ends. I don’t see many options for her that don’t include getting a regular J-O-B eventually. As for the guy who thinks it’s a good idea to attend a wine tasting right after getting his ankle bracelet off . . . Jesus, take the wheel.

I cannot stand these people. First, Jade was absolutely stupid for sending her druggie parents to pick up her meds, but the fact that she’s accusing them of being selfish is the pot calling the kettle black. She is every bit as selfish for having an elective cosmetic surgery (well, surgeries) of this magnitude when she has a tiny child at home. I won’t even bring up the fact that she took that same tiny child with her to the surgery location. No matter how hard they worked to shield her daughter from seeing her mother in that state, there’s no way to have completely concealed it from her. The predatory surgeons have to be acknowledged here, but at the end of the day, Jade made a choice to have a “Brazilian butt lift,” etc. while raising a toddler. That’s 100% on her, just as getting mad when she demands that the cameras not track her movements during her low moments is too damn bad. She signed up for this, period. The film crew (and all of us, honestly) paid for those surgeries, so zero sympathy. Smile for the cameras! As for Kail trying to portray herself as this calm, measured mom, bitch please. Ditto for Brianna. The best (well, only decent) part of this episode was little Addie being so thrilled to see her daddy. However, as sweet and pure as that moment was, we shouldn’t have seen it. Once again, way past time for this nonsense to end.

Gosh, I really didn’t think I was a cold, nasty old bitch when I tuned in tonight, but watching the bafflingly warm reception the Garrick and Dannnnielle’s family gave Roberta, I’m having second thoughts. I mean, kisses on the lips, tears, three and four extended hugs . . . wow. They’ve only met her virtually. And their kids are there with them! Any kid their age would know exactly what’s happening and would want to sink through the floor with embarrassment. Garrick is a very, very lucky man to have an original wife who is okay with this horseshit. I truly don’t get it. And he’s such a putz, too! I am a firm believer in consenting adults doing whatever they want to do with their love lives (as long as any kids are cared for), but this is nuts to me. Dannnnielle is literally weeping as she’s insisting how happy she is. I felt sorry for her in the beginning, but that can only go so far when she’s willingly submitting to this. And please, dear God, don’t let Roberta get pregnant. As for the Snowden trainwreck, the only positive thing I can come up with is that their little girls, as well as Chrissy’s, are just beautiful. The Snowden girls have always seemed a little off to me (the way they cling onto relative strangers from moment one), so I do hope they're doing okay, given what has transpired. I also hope that the Snowdens give it a fucking rest for a little while and take a hint from the universe. When something I do over and over again crashes and burns, I stop doing that thing. Lawdamercy.

My heart truly goes out to Dannielle. I absolutely view this as an abusive relationship. Many moons ago, I was in her position. My family tiptoed around me from the moment I introduced my ex-husband to them, exactly the way hers does. They were dying to say something and offer help as things got worse, but felt like they would be overstepping if they did. To be honest, if given a choice, I’d rather have only been smacked around than endure the psychological acrobatics and constant gaslighting. At least you can clean and bandage physical wounds, but the ones you can’t see run deep and don’t heal nearly as quickly. I hope she gets the hell away from Garrick before her youth floats away with whatever remains of her self-esteem. As for Garrick’s plan to travel to Mexico to get Roberta pregnant before she can even live in the US, I worry that someone with such faulty judgment is already responsible for helpless children. Sidian is deeply gross to me. I came of age in the 90s and he reminds me of a lot of the guys then. They’re called hipsters in most cases today. All that’s missing is the handlebar mustache with the curled ends. Tosha is . . . really something. I’m dying to go shopping with her, if only to buy her some tops that fucking fit. (While we’re at the store, we’ll pick up some pants for Sidian that aren’t so tight that they outline the tendons in his legs.) As for King Jarod, I honestly can’t dislike him. He makes no bones about what he wants and gives it to you straight every time. More importantly, Vanessa seems completely comfortable with the lifestyle, which goes a long way. As long as everyone is happy and consenting and any children are being cared for, carry on.

Same here. When Marcella left, I thought the remaining hosts worked very well together- better than ever before. Sometimes I feel like this show has great potential, but it’s just being poorly run.

When Alex bit into the burger she made this morning, it was freely dripping like a faucet from her “ice water onions” and various other wet vegetables. Katie, seated next to her, made no effort to conceal her revulsion. I struggled as well. Between this and last week, when she said “Pay attention, children” to Jeff and GZ (both of whom were visibly taken aback), I don’t know why she’s on this show. She does not fit in and I can’t imagine why she views this as a viable option, given how clearly impressed she is with her ICA title. I really don’t know why they felt a need to replace Marcella. Four hosts are more than sufficient, especially when two of them (Jeff and Sunny) are such huge personalities. I agree with those who preferred the home kitchen format. I think it added a touch of humanity to the show. Jeff toned it way down and was so much more palatable, GZ didn’t feel the need to prove himself at every turn, and even Sunny had calmed down and actually did a great job presenting her dishes. Katie was still eh, but she’s always been eh for me. Maybe I’m reading too much into their interactions (I’ve been home alone for far too long), but no one seems to connect well with Alex.

That's just the thing; she feels that my consequences when she was growng up were too frequent. She had two homes: one where there were pretty basic expectations like doing reasonably well in school, working more than 10 hours per week, and not inviting multiple older guys into our apartment when I was gone (mine) and one where I was denigrated at every opportunity and no one cared what she did (her father's). Her holding me at arm's length today sure feels like her way of "punishing me" for the past. She uses her love and contact as currency and by sitting here being hurt, I play right into it. I feel like I'm constantly having to prostrate myself before her in apology in order to merit her contact . . . which doesn't happen.

I wish there was some way for me to feel better about the fact that I basically have no relationship with my only child. The fact that I can see the damn phone records and I know that she's in contact with her father and his family just makes it that much worse. My mother absolutely partnered with me to raise my daughter and she didn't even contact her on Mother's Day. When I text her first, she takes hours upon hours to respond with a word or two. When she wakes up one morning and decides that she feels good about me, it lasts four or five days, then POOF- it's gone as quickly as it came. This is a child who claimed that I "abused" her when she was young, something that every one of my family and friends have dismissed out of hand as an outright lie that she is using to excuse her actions. I guess that "abuse" doesn't prevent her from expecting that I help her on demand (and then get mad at me when I can't do it on her time schedule). I'm just venting, so don't mind me. I do see a therapist and despite what they say, the people in my life are sick of hearing about this, so I'm at the stage where I'm pretending to be happy just to spare them the annoyance of hearing about my daughter for the 1000th time this year. I'm beyond tired of being sad and having this eat away at my soul day after day. I know in my heart of hearts that it's way past time to separate her bank account and cancel the family plan, even if it means incurring her wrath when I tell her. I'm just afraid that doing that will be the official end of our relationship, not that we really have one now. I know that being aware of her location at any given time does not mean that we have a relationship, but it sure feels like it. Ugh.

Thanks for your thoughts, everyone. Much appreciated, just as it was a couple of years ago when everything first went sideways. I’m too close to all of this to be able to think clearly, so I’ll follow up with these questions: As I mentioned, she doesn’t contact me for virtually any reason except with a gynecological question or an “assignment,” i.e. the taxes. Her phone is still on my plan, but she pays for it. Her bank account is still attached to mine, dating from childhood. I have no clue why she hasn’t separated her bank account, but I understand why she has remained on my family plan- it’s cheaper. I can see her location, which gives me a great deal of comfort for whatever reason. If you were me, would you tell her that she’s off the family plan, even if it meant not being able to see her location anymore? Also, would you continue to contact her (by text, of course; she won’t take my calls) just to say hi when she typically takes between 12-24 hours to respond or just leave her alone and let her come to me? I can’t even tell you how hurt I was (still am) over Mother’s Day. I didn’t know we were that far gone.

Okay, I’m committed to not bringing it up. She will be pissed (at me) when she comes out of whatever fog she’s in and realizes that there will almost certainly be penalties from the IRS. If/when she mentions it again, should I tell her that she’ll have to file this year’s taxes herself? I told her months ago that I would do them, but I don’t have the documents I need. And would you go ahead and file the extension for her today, knowing that she doesn’t have the form . . . or just. drop. it. None of these deadlines are a surprise to her, she just doesn’t listen, especially to me. At this point, I don’t even know if she’s asked someone else to do them, which is highly unlikely, but still. That’s the only reason I haven’t filed the extension today. @WinnieWinkle: A very good point about asking her father or boyfriend’s family. I’ve made that very suggestion to her multiple times over the last two years about various things and she’s told me more than once that she “doesn’t want to inconvenience them“ and “she would rather have me do it.“ It’s insane. Even as I write these things, I’m shocked at myself. I exist at her pleasure and for no other reason. I wouldn’t put up with this BS from anyone else, yet here we are.

Hi, folks. I don't know if anyone remembers the issue I had with my daughter a couple of years ago, but the bullet points are that she left my home in a huff at 18 (my pesky rules and expectations) to live with her father, who doesn't care what she does at all. She proceeded to make one bad decision after another, including getting into drugs, drinking (she isn't even 21 until September), vaping, smoking, and hanging out with people who don't have her best interests at heart. She has worked sporadically at best over the past two years, but was laid off last March due to the pandemic. She basically demanded that I help her to file for unemployment, which I did. She received the regular amount, plus $600/week extra for Covid relief. 2020 was one big spending spree. All told, she received roughly $25,000 and it's all gone, blown on Amazon purchases, drugs, booze, vape products, and whatever else her heart desired. It expired in January and she asked/demanded that I help her to reinstate it. I refused and told her that it was time to find another job. We live in the DC metro area where jobs for people with her relative lack of experience are plentiful, so she could have one by the end of the month with minimal effort- even sooner if she asked me to help her, which I would be more than happy to do. At the end of the day, my daughter doesn't want to do anything but have fun and hang out with the boyfriend whose family she's been living with for the past five months (that's a separate post in itself). So, now that we're all caught up, here's the issue: I've been asking my daughter for the past few months if she has done her taxes. She has always needed my help (i.e. to do it for her) in the past. I have refused to help her reinstate her unemployment, but I was still willing to do her taxes because it's very important, of course. She blew me off a half-dozen times until last month, when I told her that my work would be crazy starting in May (I work at a university- finals time!), so to please get me her documents ASAP. Instead of thanking me for helping her and spending the five minutes it would take to gather her documents, she complained that I was "rushing her" and asked why we had to do it "on my time schedule." She finally sent her W-2, but we need a 1099-G to account for her unemployment. She received so much unemployment that she may owe money and these aren't numbers I can fudge. I told her that we would have to file for an extension by close of business today if she couldn't find the 1099-G and she said on Saturday she would "let me know." Total silence since then. As you know, the deadline is today and I have no clue what to do. If she does owe money, she wouldn't even be able to pay it because she has none. It bears mentioning that this is a child who has basically ignored me for the past 2.5 years unless she needs/wants something. I have spoken with her by phone once this calendar year. She's never "available" when I call, so I've stopped trying. I haven't seen her since December 2019 and we live about 10 minutes apart. She sent a one-line text on Mother's Day (no phone call) and didn't contact my mother at all, but she spent the whole day celebrating with her boyfriend's stepmother and mother. In short, she is not a very nice person at the moment, but I don't want to come off as being retaliatory. Make no mistake; my daughter treats me like shit. Do I contact her once again to ask what she'd like for me to do or just drop it and let the chips fall where they may? Many people in my life have told me that I have done more than my due diligence and to just mind my business. After all, any letters from the IRS will go to her father's house. What do you think?

Of all the moms, Leah would easily win the Means Well Award, but good Lord, woman. The TMI is off the charts. The girlses do not have to be sat down every few days to be "reassured." This exchange really summed it up nicely: Leah, to kids: "Woohoo, Mama has health insurance!" Kids: "Can we pleeeease go play now?" Why on earth is she telling them that she has a "tumor" in her breast? That is the very definition of an adult conversation. I don't think anyone on this show waits until children go to bed to have these sorts of conversations and it drives me insane. I had brain surgery (for an actual life-threatening situation, not a benign tumor) when my daughter was barely 10-years-old. She was told that she was going to "spend a super-fun week at her aunt's house and go to the swimming pool every day while I went to a couple of doctor's appointments." I barely got the sentence out of my mouth before she was screaming with joy and running off to pack her swimsuits and teddy bears. She didn't even know the purpose of the surgery until she was about 17. I think Leah is terribly lonely when all is said and done. Her kids moving out is going to hit her like a ton of bricks. No judgment because I'm there now for different reasons, but still. As for health insurance, her excuses for not having any are bullshit. She is certainly not low-income anymore and is nearly 30-years-old. The time to blame your upbringing for basically anything has long-expired by then.

I agree. I think when I said that he’s just trying to soldier through, I was saying that he’s making more of an effort to maintain a certain level of common courtesy in their interactions while the season winds down, but I really don’t see her doing the same. I’ll be glad when this season is over.

My God, Haley is absolutely insufferable. Self-esteem is great and all, but she clearly has an extremely high opinion of herself and she’s not shy about expressing it. There is such a nasty, mean girl vibe with her. I saw it from week two, but it’s off the charts now. Who cares if Jake wears dress shoes and jeans to a batting cage? Is it a little different? Sure, but leave the man alone about something. Everything doesn’t have to be a big, critical discussion (complete with her facial expressions), the only purpose of which is to systematically break him down and rub his nose in her opinion that she is too good for him. Even when she tells her stories about her childhood, it is very obvious that she thinks she’s slumming it with him. They’re absolutely not compatible, but Jake seems to be trying much harder to at least soldier through and wait it out- politely. I will elect not to even mention the bracelet because it’s all been said. This season is such a bust all around.

Vincent sounds like the adult in the room in this conversation about their budget. Having fun and enjoying the fruits of your labor as a child-free couple are one thing, but damn. She spends a hell of a lot of money.

God, poor Jake. What an utterly humiliating experience this has been for him. He’s not everyone’s cup of tea (which applies to all of us), but he doesn’t deserve to have been treated so dismissively by Haley- and from jump. That girl has some soul-searching to do about what on earth she wants. Maybe someone can do her “chart” and help her figure it out. Ugh.

Oh, Dr. Pepper. That little girl has no desire to stop drinking. She’s not done being young and I do fear that she’s headed down a bad path where alcohol is concerned. A heart-to-heart with her skittish “husband” will do nothing but push her closer to Mr. Jack Daniels.

Amber quantifying her relationship with her preteen daughter by how often she views her Snapchat pictures is all I need to know about her as a “mother” and human being. She can talk all the shit about Kristina that she wants, but love her or hate her, Kristina is raising Amber’s child for her and Amber should begin and end every sentence about her with two words: Thank you. She gets to spend 15 hours in bed each day and the remaining nine hours on social media courtesy of Gary and Kristina. Leah may be only 12-years-old, but that child has wisdom beyond her years. Her ability to clearly verbalize her thoughts and feelings puts some adults I know to shame. She won’t fully understand the dynamics at play with her mother until she’s much older, but I’m hoping that her solid support system will ensure that the inevitable fallout from Amber’s bullshit is minimal. This relationship is yet another reason why this show needs to end. And here we have Dawn slithering back in to inflict even more psychological damage on these two overgrown children. Catelynn and Tyler desperately need to be slapped upside the head with some cold, hard facts, starting with this one: They are not Carly’s parents. I don’t blame Brandon and Theresa one bit for setting hard boundaries. The worst part of the whole thing is that Catelynn and Tyler have another biological daughter who is literally failing out of school and can’t read, partly because they’re too busy goofing around, learning how to microblade, and living out their extended childhoods on a TV show. There is some acceptance that needs to happen here and their predator adoption counselor truly isn’t helping by continuing to shine them on. Mackenzie: She exercised on camera and her kid pooped in someone’s garage. Cheyenne: Does ANYONE on this show know how to save adult conversations for after the kids go to bed? Good Lord. Maci: Free Bentley.

Erik will find out soon enough that Virginia’s drinking will be increasingly problematic. You can see it. (Also, that gift with the coordinates is so far over her head, but actually pretty interesting!)

“It’s a hug.” Yes, Jake! FINISH HER!!! I have zero issue with this. He richly deserves this after what Haley has put him through.

Want to know what I hope? I hope that Haley somehow falls for Jake during the last week of this nonsense and Jake politely but firmly sends her home to the rest of her thoroughly crappy wardrobe.

Vincent, I say this every week, but please keep it together tonight. Only one hour to go. You can do this.

I know Pastor Cal isn’t calling people “unmatchable.” Pretty big talk from someone who, along with a team of others, has left a shitload of ridiculousness in his wake due to his matching “skills.” (Yes, I’m still going to watch it. See you guys then! *sigh*)

Here goes Sir Gaslight again. Good Lord. And why does he show up looking like Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch every. single. time. Paige is a damn fool, period.

Despite this “fellowship,” Chris is still an asshole. Amen.