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Carl's Hat: The Ultimate Survivor


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Ammo tells Sasha, with a slight huff, "I'm out!"

 

Katana, resting at home, taunts Any And All Firearms On Michonne's Person with a sweet, pure chorus of, "Ain't nothin' like the real thing baby..."

 

Casserole sits outside, waiting and hoping someone will find it to be of some use. Unfortunately, after a few hours, that doctor, bobbing and weaving along the road, leans over it and slurs, "Ever seen American Pie? You'll do." As Casserole hears the sound of a lowering zip, it fully and completely supports its maker's murder plan.

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(edited)

Clock Radio sits there, proudly and sternly.  "I am the mausoleum of all hope and desire", it tells itself, "which will fit these individuals' needs no better than it did their fathers before them.  I am here, not that they may REMEMBER time, but that they may FORGET it for a moment now and then, and not SPEND all of their breath TRYing to CONQUER it."

 

Then Kitchen Timer rings first.  "Conquer this", it says.  

Edited by PeterPirate
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Katana is elated. "I'm back, bitches!!!"

 

Katana is slightly sorry for being used as the instrument of Reg's death.  "I never really liked Chevy Chase, and he kinda looked like him, so...."

 

Sturdy Walking Stick is 5 feet of pure ZA fighting awesomeness!!  [CDB/ASZ] Ladies, Morgan has arrived.  He has a big stick, and he knows what to do with it.

 

Neck-Tie Noose still worked just fine.  Just got to apply the right amount of torque.

 

Dead Walker Pile doesn't like Sasha.  "This ain't no body conforming mattress commercial, lady!" and "This ain't break time, baby, get back to work!"

 

Sometimes Locked, Sometimes Not, But Always Used Gate sure got a lot of action this week.  Probly could use a post-bliss cigarette.

 

That Mistreated Casserole Dish is about fed up.  Porch Dick got what he deserved.  And Deanna?  That's what you get for ignoring me; a dead husband.  Hmph!

Edited by iRarelyWatchTV36
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Rejected Casserole commiserates with Thrown Down Casserole.  

 

First one left out in the cold, then another dropped on the floor.  

 

Carol's casseroles get no love.

 

They plot revenge.  

 

Porch Dick Pete and Deanna got what they deserved.

Edited by GreyBunny
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Long Strong Chain has never been used as a deadly weapon before.  This is awesome!  Swing me at 'em again, long-haired smelly dude!!  Having the time of its life.

 

Zombie Rave Semis Masquerading as Canned Goods Movers finally figuring out what the company owners meant by they're good for nothing but dead weight now, when they left them there.   God damnit!

 

All Those Bandaids are much pleased and relieved.  Not often they get to give two people the 'full facial treatment'.

Edited by iRarelyWatchTV36
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Purloined Pistol That Spent Much Time Cradled on Rick's Waist Line was found inconsolably crying and distraught the night Reg and Pete died.  I was so sure that the boss liked me, I've been with him for about a couple weeks, and then up & out of nowhere, I got fired.  Fired, I tell you!   Waaaaaah!!! 

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(edited)

Carl's Hat looks askance at Triangle Hat (shown atop a zombie in one of the promos for the companion series).  "I'm watching you", it says, while doing the two finger eye-to-eye thing.   

Edited by PeterPirate
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Carl's Hat looks askance at Triangle Hat (shown atop a zombie in one of the promos for the companion series).  "I'm watching you", it says, while doing the two finger eye-to-eye thing.   

 

Hat-on-Hat violence.  Shit gon' get real now.

 

Carl's Hat scoffs at Triangle HatBet I'm dirtier than you, son!

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Carl's Hat to Triangle Hat: "Now listen here, upstart. I've outlasted Fishing HatGlenn's Baseball Cap, Dirty Knit BeanieRiot Gear HelmetsGum-Chewing Cap, and other headgear that you can't even imagine. What makes you think you're any different?"

 

*Highlander-esque battle for supremacy follows, complete with epic setting, lightning, and Queen soundtrack*

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Lonely Suicidal Semi-Truck said Goodbye, cruel world.  Word on the street is the Russian judge zombie gave it a 5.5;  technically sound but too much surface disturbance at impact.

 

Massive Walker Quarry Horde followed the sign posts to Helms Deep.  Where's Sauron?!

 

Maze Walls to Direct Walkers dual-purposed into a non-flexible bounce house for walker noggins.

 

Rick, Michonne & Morgan threw a real Flare Party.  They thought it was the 4th of July and wanted to the walkers to get in the patriotic mood.

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(edited)

Truck is all, "Hey! I stood guard for a couple years and then had the ground taken out from under me! People should be thanking me for doing my duty all those years! Don't leave me behind with these walkers, yo! At least give me the damn key so I can get myself out of here!"   

 

 

Of course, when translated from English to Truckese, the only thing we hear is:

"Hhhhhhhhoooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkkk!"

Edited by PeterPirate
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Continuous Horn was pissed off.  This is why we get a bad rap!!

 

Stubborn Vehicle laughed at the people who couldn't start it and got eaten.  Idiots!

 

Dead Turtle hopes he gave stupid cannibal girl stomach problems because of her system not liking its slow passage of time in digesting its raw meat.

 

Enid enjoyed her feast of Dead TurtleHmm, everything really does taste like chicken!  (see the pertaining TD episode to understand better)

 

Everybody always hating on the Celery SoupYou'll miss me when everything else is gone and I've gone rotten, punks!

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Ignored Fire Escape Stairs tried to get Glenn & Nicholas' attention when they ran past.  "Hey guys, if you use me to get on the roof, you'll probably live!  Guys!  *small voice*  Over here, I can lead you to safety.  *smaller voice*  I'm right here.  *salty tear leaks out*  I wanted to help, but now you're just zombie indigestion, you stupid bastards."

Edited by iRarelyWatchTV36
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Tabitha the Goat bleated so that the crazy man her Cheesemaker invited in would save her from the monsters, but now that he's taken care of that little bit of unpleasantness....... telepathically transmits "thanks for the assist, dude who was gonna steal me earliier" while calmly standing around eating grass like a Boss.

Edited by iRarelyWatchTV36
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Piece of Graffitoed Drywall places a curse on Morgan for splitting it in twain. "May your suppressed rage be so hot as to always and forever melt your Goo Goo Clusters!" *evil laugh*

 

Random Bullet and Rabbit's Foot miss Dazed Forest Wanderers and Dr. Cheeseman, but are content to stay with Morgan for the moment. Art of Peace, however, is thirsty for Unfair Wolf Blood and is simply biding its time.

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Cooler is all, "Hey baby, what's your sign?"  

 

Insulin is all, "Is it hot in here or is it just me?"  

 

Cigar is all, "This girl is on fire!"

 

RPG Launcher just hangs there, like a gym sock on a shower rod. 

Edited by PeterPirate
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Motorcyle was happy after the two whoevers rode off on it; "Traded in grease-stanky and now I get rode by a man/woman for some loud & dirty 3some, ZA-style.  Score!"

 

Naval Uniform is hating life; "Me being a product of the Navy and you being 'dolphin smooth' is not a "ha-ha" lameass joke I want any part of, Sergeant Sleazebag!"

Edited by iRarelyWatchTV36
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Crossbow tried refusing to come out until it's owner showered and cut his hair but Canvas Bag was too much of a fanboy and relented. Crossbow was so upset it decided to find a new owner and hitched a ride with Motorcycle.

Edited by KirkB
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Eugene's machete is embarrassed for Eugene... it knows the only thing it might ever split in Eugene's hands is the curtain fabric to enlarge the peep hole so Eugene can watch Sasha and dolphin smooth Abraham go at it.

Edited by Giselle
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As Green Balloons were rising Enid and Glenn swear they could faintly hear them singing...

 

"I wish that I could fly
Into the sky
So very high
Just like a dragonfly

I'd fly above the trees
Over the seas in all degrees
To anywhere I please

Oh I want to get away
I want to fly away
Yeah yeah yeah

Oh I want to get away
I want to fly away
Yeah yeah yeah"

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This episode was just a tiny bit perverted, there.....  Not-A-Lock-Pick Pin was shoved right into Lock, without permission or warning, with the resident peeping tom right there to watch the action up close.  Maybe cause for concern, as Lock's tumblers don't open for just anything.

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Rocket Launcher/Projectile didn't like mouthy motorcycler.  "Here's some 'shit' for you to bite, chew, swallow... unfortunately won't have much of a chance to repeat"

 

Who hides a Gun in a Cigar Box [or whatever that box (collection?) was for] in a church?   A devout preacher, obviously.

 

Tanker Truck would apologize to Lake, but it felt too good not to.  "Been holding that in forever!  Headlights were literally floating."

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