Carl's Hat: The Ultimate Survivor

[PeterPirate]

Just like Pair of Pliers had done before, Surgical Scissors failed in its mission to save its human. Curse you, Surgical Scissors.  

[editorgrrl]

Goo Goo Clusters looks forward to macking on Big Cat bar.

[CletusMusashi]

Exercise Bike is lonely. And cold. It was happier with Dawn.

But it is still happier than it was before Dawn... when it lived in Gordon's room.

Edited December 3, 2014 by CletusMusashi

[GreyBunny]

Rabbit's Foot is sad.  Now wonders who will need him for luck.

Edited December 2, 2014 by GreyBunny

[CarpeDiem54]

Blood Splattered Map is excited! It may actually be going on an adventure with an awesome human instead of that strange orange haired creature.

[CletusMusashi]

Acrobatic Ambulance had fun jumping off the bridge.

It doesn't understand why the humans suddenly wanted to stop playing Dodge Charger.

Also, it really doesn't like that Big Red Hussy that just pulled into town.

Or his fire engine.

Edited December 3, 2014 by CletusMusashi

[GreyBunny]

Police Car is thrilled he finally mowed down Officer Bob Lamson.  

That'll teach him to spill coffee on MY seats!

[Nashville]

Surgical Scissors are simply glad they finally got the chance to cut a bitch.

ANY bitch.

They ain't picky.

 

Cop Glocker was simply happy to be used for something other than a slapping device.

[CletusMusashi]

Fire Engine Hose wonders when it will finally get to meet Sasha.

 

ETA: What? The woman is a trained firefighter! 

She could use it to kill way more walkers than Eugene! What were you people thinking?

Edited February 10, 2015 by CletusMusashi

[PeterPirate]

Just like Pair of Pliers and Surgical Scissors had done before, Hammer failed in its mission to save its human. 

 

Angry Knit Cap is finally at peace.  

[Pete Martell]

Toy Plane remembered being taken out of the suffocating box and pieced together, slowly and carefully. It remembered being flown around the house on sure, steady hands, seeing new sights and meeting new people. One day it was left to dangle from the ceiling, wings clipped, best days past. 

 

Everyone was gone. Everyone and everything. Toy Plane knew its world would be one of slow, steady, silent decay. 

 

Until one day, when another pair of hands - familiar from its first days out of the box, when the world still had laughter and joy - jabbed it in the head of some gruesome creature, some thing that looked so much like the toys its owner had treasured. Monsters and ghouls and goblins. 

 

Only as its pointed end stabbed a death blow into the creature did Toy Plane realize it was his owner, that the hands that had given it life were now, through its pointy end, finally, fully dead. 

 

Toy Plane's last thoughts before the crash, before final destruction, were of sorrow, but most of all, of the memory that, for a moment, it had once again been able to fly. 

[diebartdie]

Well now Pete Martell needs to be on talking dead I need to decompress, where's Hardwick? Is Toy Plane ok? Does it have another gig lined up?

[Pete Martell]

Maybe we can get it in Planes 3, or whatever they're up to.

[PeterPirate]

Earthworms emerge from the dirt.  Music Box Ballerina--thin and blonde--spins and chimes.  These are a harbingers of the return of Beth Greene.  

 

Trunk Lid sighs and closes itself shut.  

[CletusMusashi]

Ghost Car would feel safer if newly-one-legged Bob would occasionally look at the road while driving.

[iRarelyWatchTV36]

Random Barn sighed with long lost pleasure for the night.  Oh, to be filled with not just someone (alive) again, but many someones.  And then to have its entrance pounded on hard repeatedly, (trying for) a forceful entry, & got banged like a screen door in a tornado?  That sticky wetness the group woke to wasn't rain leakage from the storm. 

 

Trunk Lid gave a big 'F You!" to Maggie.  "Screw you lady, I gotta deal with the gaggety smell and constant muffled moaning, and then someone finally comes along to end my suffering, but just shuts me again without helping me out?!  I'm locking you out, bitch!  You break that key off in my lock and I will pop open and break your face!! ... oh, finally.  A man who can and does help.  *turns very flirtatious*  Hey big fella, who knows a good stabbing motion; ever done it in a trunk before?"

[PeterPirate]

Like the sensor dish of the USS Enterprise, Listening Device is able to pick up communication waves across large distances.  

 

Applesauce started out as Apples, until they ran afoul of Percy.  Shoulda listened to the Strawberries.  

 

Backup Battery finally gets to outshine its snooty partner in the front.

 

Ghetti Rings make their first appearance since Live Bait.  Alas, no closeup this time around.  

[iRarelyWatchTV36]

Daryl;  "This place smells like horse shit."

 

Random Barn;  "Oh no you di-in't!  It smells like that in here 'cause you're a huge horse's ass!!  And who you calling stinky, stinky?!"

 

 

Ramrod, err, Aaron's Car, didn't appreciate having walker parts under the hood.  "I run on gas, not gore, dumbasses!"

Edited February 25, 2015 by iRarelyWatchTV36

[iRarelyWatchTV36]

Orange Flare Gun is cocky.  He jawed the walker he was used on.  "See what happens when you mess with me?  I spit in your eye!  Feel the burn, baby."

[iRarelyWatchTV36]

Beard and Hair Scissors are seriously tired.  That was some serious work hacking through those jungles on Rick's face and head.

 

"Haircut's will never stop, eh, lady??  Why don't you just go ahead and break my handles now, if this is what you mean."  *coughs and gags on the loose hair*

- - - - - -

 

Gun Pile = "Orgy Time!!!  Hope they clean up all the spent casings when we're done."

Edited March 2, 2015 by iRarelyWatchTV36

[CarpeDiem54]

Alexandria McMansion was happy to finally have some people move in to protect and shelter. It was looking forward to enticing smells of morning coffee and home cooked meals wafting from its kitchen again.

But wait..this is one big mofo family! McMansion started worrying about its plumbing getting clogged with the pounds of dirt these people were washing off in the shower.

And what's that smell? A dead possum in the livingroom? And why are these people not sleeping in its nice bedrooms?

Oh well, McMansion has to take what it can get and not wish for a family with two yuppy parents, two kids and a dog like in the olden days.

It smiles contentedly and just hopes the stains will come out of the rug. After all, at least it has a family again.

[Nashville]

...meanwhile, McPlumbing is muttering under its breath: "What the FUUUUCK...!?!?"

[PeterPirate]

Support Braces wonder why they were placed outside the walls and not inside. If a herd tries to get in, Support Braces will be in no position to help repel them. Then they remember that they were installed by an architect, not a structural engineer. 

 

Oh, well. At least the small female human can walk up the Support Braces to get back inside. Walkers too. 

Edited March 4, 2015 by PeterPirate

[iRarelyWatchTV36]

Functioning Videocamera hates Congresswoman Deanna.  Nobody strips for these 'interviews'!  So much for getting down to the bare naked truth, eh, ex-politician??  "*sings* liars gonna lie, lie, lie ... liars and dirty cheats of the world......"

[iRarelyWatchTV36]

Hand Stamper is an enabler, and maybe puts stuff in its ink.  Did its thing on Rick (& Jessie) and next thing you know, he's kissing her on the cheek and they 'sex stare' for a minute.

 

Small Pistol is tired of being shoved in every ass crack that it gets handed off to.

 

Katana Sword is taking a break.  Just hanging out for a while.

 

Carl's Hat got left at home, for a GD dinner party.  Cussed Carl the whole time.  "He's nothing with out me.  Stupid ass."

 

Lost Pasta Maker sure hopes somebody finds it soon, so some woman will shut up about it and use it all the time.

Edited March 9, 2015 by iRarelyWatchTV36

[PeterPirate]

Family Portraits wonder what they did to deserve being shot to pieces.  

 

Poor Katana just hangs there, like a gym sock on a shower rod.  

 

Numerous Background Artist Trees are jostling for the opportunity to be the one to restrain the Cookie Boy. Better that than having a big X carved into it. That hurts!  

 

 

Edited because bold is the new black.  

Edited March 11, 2015 by PeterPirate

[Dobian]

Carl's hat has more preservatives in it than a case of Hostess Twinkies.  Which ironically are featured in Zombieland.

Edited March 10, 2015 by Dobian

[Pete Martell]

Cookie was so used to laying around on hot steel plates, waiting to be fed to humans. Sometimes thrown out if it didn't meet the high standards of people who were too busy chatting about how much they missed Frasier reruns to keep an eye on the timer. 

 

So this gray-haired lady, with the edge in her voice only Cookie ever heard, using it for wild and woolly tales of walkers and trees - it was exciting, it was fun. Yeah, the kid got scared, but he'd watched that same kid eat so many of its brothers and sisters alive, so who is the real monster here?

 

Cookie is going to try to get gray-haired to take it to some place called Empire it's heard a lot about. It has a feeling they'd both have a good time.

 

Fashionable Neckerchief and Loud Shirt are happy to have found a home with that nice man Eric. They wear him with pride. He bought them one of a kind at a Charles Nelson Reilly estate sale. They get to see themselves in the shiny reflection of Motorycle Parts. That man with no eyes and rippling arms nearly used Neckerchief as a do-rag, but Flannel Shirt of I'm Having A Butch Day, wearing Eric's boyfriend Aaron, saved the day by taking the man on a run. With all those runs, no wonder he always looks dirty.

Edited March 11, 2015 by Pete Martell

[CletusMusashi]

Tiny Plastic Sword Pick lacks the words to explain to other bar accessories how it feels about the woman it just met.

Edited March 16, 2015 by CletusMusashi

[iRarelyWatchTV36]

Bountiful Booze was not so bountiful after the big 'welcome party'.  The big bright-orange haired guy made a lot of it disappear just by himself.

[Nashville]

Dang! halfway beat me to it:

Abraham's Beer was happy.

He and all his brothers and sisters were back together in one place again.

[PeterPirate]

Andrea's Thong would have rocked that party.  

[iRarelyWatchTV36]

Andrea's Thong would have rocked that party.  

 

I'm thinking - after a few drinks - Rick was sure that 'Someone's' Thong would have rocked his party.

[kikismom]

I'm thinking - after a few drinks - Rick was sure that 'Someone's' Thong would have rocked his party.

      

        For a moment, Rick's Rocks were suggesting it was time for a party in Someone's Thong.

[iRarelyWatchTV36]

Rick's Rediscovered Libido saw Jessie walk in and instantly thought of a great party game he'd love to have her participate in.  "Who wants to play 'Hide the Sausage'"?

[kikismom]

Rick's Rediscovered Libido saw Jessie walk in and instantly thought of a great party game he'd love to have her participate in.  "Who wants to play 'Hide the Sausage'"?

But when The Sausage said it was hiding in Olivia's Basement, it just sounded dirty.

[iRarelyWatchTV36]

But when The Sausage said it was hiding in Olivia's Basement, it just sounded dirty.

 

The Sausage and Unmade Prosciutto weren't mingling, were they?   Cause that's how little meaty hor dourves get made.

[Giselle]

 

 

Poor Katana just hangs there, like a gym sock on a shower rod.  

 

 

Katana knows it is only resting in a place of honor as it silently waits for it's next moment of gory glory. It is content for now to absorb power from the vibrations of gratitude emitting from its master and the awe from those who admire but have yet to witness it's true strength , 

[Pete Martell]

Sensible Sweater is having a wild ride. The woman wearing it never ceases to surprise it with murder plots and ruthless efficiency. Sometimes things get a little scary, but no more scary than the stench of mothballs. It's trying to get her to declare war on Snuggies, but it's early days. 

 

Random Construction Equipment awoke from its slumber when some humans started shooting guns and screaming, instead of running away. Fun, exciting...until the Ghost of Old Humvee warned them that GI Orphan Annie has a habit of making vehicles go boom.

 

Revolving Doors released a press statement saying - "It wasn't us! But you have to admit it looked pretty cool." They also denied responsibility for that bad horror movie 15 years where the woman's face was smashed to pieces in them by an angry crowd.

 

Bible Pages are upset at the blasphemous treatment by one they had considered a possible friend. They are also worried that in a blasphemous world, they will be seen as toilet paper...

[iRarelyWatchTV36]

Power Inverter Thingy desperately pleads with the others to make Eugene let it go.  "Do you know what else he's held with these hands??  Because I do!!  Someone get me a wet wipe, stat!"

 

Big Gun + Silencer smirks tauntingly at Eugene.  "I'm the biggest thing you've ever put in and pulled out of your pants, aren't I?"

 

Ugly Van's Sound System thinks to itself, re: Aidan, "Man, he really is a douche nozzle!"

 

Ugly Van is used to soaking up blood.  What's some more?   Its also used to bringing back less passengers than it started out with, as well.

 

Revolving Doors is tired of this.  "Stop pushing!!!   I swear to God, if you make me turn around one more time.........."

 

Weird Owl Statue lays about in disbelief and heart break.  Emotionally overwrought that someone would treat it that way.  "No, really, I'm all broken up about it."

 

Rick's Wedding Band looks back at Rick.  It can't help him in any way other than sit on his finger and look like a metal ring.  "Don't look at me, dude.  I can't do anything about it."

 

Bowl of Big, Ripe Strawberries thinks Preach can suck it.  Watches the sinner destroy public property because its the only thing he has courage to go against - something that can't fight back.

 

Miraculously Ready & Running Motorcycle tells Daryl;  "Dude!  Take a shower, man."

 

Bathroom Mirror thinks what the F it did to deserve this living hell.  Having to stare at all that day-glo orange and intense growly stares.

 

The Katana is still just hanging out.  Vacations are awesome!

Edited March 17, 2015 by iRarelyWatchTV36

[CletusMusashi]

Carl's Hat is thrilled to be involved in the show's writing process.

What random word will they pull out it for next week's title?

Edited March 16, 2015 by CletusMusashi

[Nashville]

Eugene's Pistol silently screams to the world at large, "Please, God! I don't care who uses me to shoot who - but by all that is holy SOMEBODY PLEASE GET ME OUT OF THESE SHORTS IT'S TOO HORRIBLE OH MY GOD...!!!"

[iRarelyWatchTV36]

Eugene's Pistol silently screams to the world at large, "Please, God! I don't care who uses me to shoot who - but by all that is holy SOMEBODY PLEASE GET ME OUT OF THESE SHORTS IT'S TOO HORRIBLE OH MY GOD...!!!"

 

Gotta admit though, that would be great quip material for later. 

 

- "Hey Eugene, I hear you're really packing heat." 

- *replies in his emotionless deadpan voice*   "Yes, I am.  It's so big, I had much trouble releasing it from the confines of the article of clothing I wear."

Edited March 17, 2015 by iRarelyWatchTV36

[PeterPirate]

Tara's Jeans have been working out so they wouldn't look frumpy on camera.   "Mr DeMille, I'm ready for my closeup!" 

Edited March 18, 2015 by PeterPirate

[iRarelyWatchTV36]

BOOM goes the Plot-Device Grenade.

[iRarelyWatchTV36]

Cookies love the open-minded new world we live in, where maryjane is legal in all states instead of just Colorado... cause  now they can get baked as often as possible!

Edited March 19, 2015 by iRarelyWatchTV36

[GreyBunny]

Shot Up Family Photos lie on the ground and cry.  "Sasha, what did we ever do to you?!"

[CletusMusashi]

Shot Up Family Photos lie on the ground and cry.  "Sasha, what did we ever do to you?!"

Rick: Hey, Coral, Sasha just shot up all those pictures. She thinks they killed Tyreese. But they didn't.

Carl: Please don't tell this joke, dad...

Rick: They were framed, Coral! Framed!

[iRarelyWatchTV36]

Useless for Anything but a Lookout Crane told Francine; "We had a good run, babe, but I'm moving on.  Yes, I am dumping you."

[iRarelyWatchTV36]

Broken House Window says "Thanks guys.  Don't mind my feelings;  which are shattered.  Oh, and btw, next time just use the door which is like 5 feet to the left of me, dumbasses!"

 

Hollowed Tree is tired of being the preferred hiding place when the kiddies come out to play Hide & Seek with the walkers.

 

Van Interior thanked Dickless for the back scrub.  Those hard to reach places are a real bitch sometimes.

 

Not Shown Epitaph on Non-Descript 'Headstone' read:  "Here lies nothing, signifying the death of Aiden.  A loving son & brother who was a big coward and a bigger self-proclaimed douche.  R(oam).I.P"

 

Carol's Ignored Casserole got up, then went & scooped up some doggie poop & put in a paper sack, lit it on fire, placed it on its former resting spot on Deanna's doorstep, knocked and ran off into the night, laughing the whole way.

Edited March 23, 2015 by iRarelyWatchTV36