S04.E15: MAFS Season 4 Reunion

[MrSmith]

5 hours ago, Snarklepuss said:

I hate the way they push the word "work" with regard to marriage.  It's not helping the participants any because it's making them feel that marriage is all about obligation and duty, not love.   If you're with someone you care about and want to make a life with them it shouldn't feel like a penance or a life sentence to hard labor, but that's what the (cough) "experts" on this show keep making it sound like, probably because they themselves don't appreciate the fine difference between the "work' involved in a favorite passtime and a duty or obligation.  I love to cook.  Is cooking work?  Well, sort of, but it's a work that to me doesn't feel like work because I get so much enjoyment out of it.  It's the same with a relationship.  If you truly enjoy seeing your partner happy then doing things to ensure that will come from your heart and it won't feel like work at all.  Unfortunately matching complete strangers who don't have much in common nor shared history and emotional attachment doesn't exactly promote that situation, so anything they do to try to establish an emotional bond and/or improve their partner's feelings towards them is bound to feel more like an external obligation than something coming from their heart.  And if you start off with nothing but obligation it's only going to be a real romance killer and actually thwart the very thing the experts think it's going to establish.

Very well said. You've said it better and more succinctly than I did and I was trying hard, too! :)

[Stillhoping]

I still think Lola is wearing that damn wedding ring on her dog collar.

[straightshooter]

On 11/3/2016 at 4:26 AM, MrSmith said:

We watched the episode last night and fast-forwarded through a bunch of it, but especially the talk about their sex life. Yuck. Why does anyone want to hear about that? And Rachel getting that demonic smile of hers while Lillian was pretending to be all shy, modest, and embarrassed by talking about their sex life made it that much more uncomfortable.

Yes!  I really didn't need to see Tom grab a handful of Lily's ass and talk about "that booty, mmmm...mmmm".  I warned my 17 year old daughter that it was coming, and she said "why do they think we need to see that?!"  I had no good answer, and we agreed that Rachel's skeevy face adds a bonus level of weird to it!

Edited November 4, 2016 by straightshooter

[Kira53]

On 11/3/2016 at 9:39 AM, Enero said:

You listed the easy part, at least two out of three things on your list - showing consideration and not being a selfish jerk. The hard part can be at times spending time together, especially if both parties have busy careers, then you throw in children and it gets even more difficult. Then there is the difficulty sometimes in getting on the same page when it comes to finances, raising the kids, dealing with issues that arise within and outside of the marriage. You have to remember a marriage is two different people, who oftentimes have different ways of approaching things, at times different beliefs, coming together to try  and build a life. Though you and your spouse might be on the same page about where you want to go with your lives together, you may have different ideas on how to get there and that's where the conflict and difficulty comes in. Compromise is not as easy as some think. It can be a lot of work and at times difficult, but if you've got a strong, supportive spouse whose just as committed as you, it can work. 

Excellent summary.  Add trust issues - being worthy of trust and capable of trust.  And trust issues are more than just financial and sexual fidelity.  It's hard to be balanced between compromising too little or to much.  Especially when you haven chosen your partner based upon believing that you are a good match for temperament.  What if they match you with someone who can't/.isn't willing to compromise?  What do you do?  A lot of people think they are always right.  And want everything their way.  It's amazing how some couples can successfully navigate the different decades and challenges that life presents and remain lover and friends.  Many stay together but the are very unhappy.

[watch2much]

I finally watched last night and then made sure my DVR will never record another episode of this nonsense.

I know it seems weird, but I think Nick and Sonia have a better chance than Tom and Lilly.  Nick and Sonia seem like they actually like each other as people and they make each other laugh.  Sure Tom and Lilly have the physical done, but that will fade.  Remember the old adage-- marry someone you like because you will fall in and out of love with them so you better like them.  I like how Sonia and Nick's families seem to get along well.  I just see more promise for them.  Tom keeps praising Lilly for things she changes...giving away clothes and shoes....

living in an over 55 community I see a lot of marriages that have been successful, and a sense of humor and friendship are evident in the most successful.  face it,  physical beauty is long gone.

[Gem 10]

8 minutes ago, watch2much said:

I finally watched last night and then made sure my DVR will never record another episode of this nonsense.

I know it seems weird, but I think Nick and Sonia have a better chance than Tom and Lilly.  Nick and Sonia seem like they actually like each other as people and they make each other laugh.  Sure Tom and Lilly have the physical done, but that will fade.  Remember the old adage-- marry someone you like because you will fall in and out of love with them so you better like them.  I like how Sonia and Nick's families seem to get along well.  I just see more promise for them.  Tom keeps praising Lilly for things she changes...giving away clothes and shoes....

living in an over 55 community I see a lot of marriages that have been successful, and a sense of humor and friendship are evident in the most successful.  face it,  physical beauty is long gone.

 

8 minutes ago, watch2much said:

I finally watched last night and then made sure my DVR will never record another episode of this nonsense.

I know it seems weird, but I think Nick and Sonia have a better chance than Tom and Lilly.  Nick and Sonia seem like they actually like each other as people and they make each other laugh.  Sure Tom and Lilly have the physical done, but that will fade.  Remember the old adage-- marry someone you like because you will fall in and out of love with them so you better like them.  I like how Sonia and Nick's families seem to get along well.  I just see more promise for them.  Tom keeps praising Lilly for things she changes...giving away clothes and shoes....

living in an over 55 community I see a lot of marriages that have been successful, and a sense of humor and friendship are evident in the most successful.  face it,  physical beauty is long gone.

Oh,  and why did Lily give away so many bags of clothes and shoes.   Just cleaning house all of a sudden or for some other reason?  Did I miss something?  Was it maybe Toms idea?

[Stillhoping]

They were moving to a new shared home. Lilly was packing up and gave away the clothes and shoes. Tom as the bus in storage where they can take it out on weekends or work on it but not in a rec home park.

I thought Tom and Lilly's family interaction was great.very natural and they seem to have fun.

[Evil Queen]

5 hours ago, Stillhoping said:

They were moving to a new shared home. Lilly was packing up and gave away the clothes and shoes. Tom as the bus in storage where they can take it out on weekends or work on it but not in a rec home park.

I thought Tom and Lilly's family interaction was great.very natural and they seem to have fun.

Agree their family interactions and things they did seemed more natural compared to Nick and Sonia which always came off awkward and forced. 

I will take it Lily needed to clean some things out like that in the end before moving. There may not have been the space for it all and heck it doesn't hurt to clear stuff out once in awhile that you don't need anymore. I was surprised with how he put the bus in storage too but thought it was a step in the right direction. Still not sure on them making it for long because of how he can be but if he was willing to do that who knows. 

[Palomar]

Quote

Maybe Nick is positively phobic about PDA's and that's why we saw not much of that going on between him and Sonia. 

One thing, I think that Nick was always very much aware of the camera.  That could be one factor in lack of PDA and the pressure of constantly being asked about it.  Plus, it sometimes takes awhile to feel an attraction for someone.  I thought the tide turned when they fed the homeless together and he saw her with new eyes and realized maybe there is something there.   I hope they work.  In real time, it would probably have taken them years to get serious and more than a few years to get married.

[lazylou]

I thought Nick in his "Confession" segments at the end actually seemed to be repressing emotions...while at one point making a sarcastic comment about his not being emotional (I think, if I remember correctly.)  Maybe he is just very aware of the cameras and more natural without them.  Definitely most people would be uncomfortable making love with not only a camera but a production crew looking on.

I am surprised there has been so little comment about Sonia's IMDB page...apparently she actually appeared in a short (student?) film and it looks on Facebook as though she is still involved in the amateur theater scene in Miami. I am not saying she is acting here, but...

[Evil Queen]

Neurochick had mentioned Sonia's so called "acting" a while back. It might have been in SM thread though but I don't remember at this point but I do know it was mentioned. I am sure the IMDB was set up because of this show though and that was tossed on it since it wasn't mentioned she had one before. If she was supposedly "acting".....well she wasn't very good at it was she? LOL Heck none of the people that have been on this show ever would be. Yet the fact that it was out there about her doing that did make many question her motives for this show. Which is understandable. 

[holly4755]

But the amusing story I have to tell with not wearing a ring is that a guy at work came up to me and asked me why I did not wear a ring, I told him I didn't need to wear one to know I was married, and he then informed me that it would be OK for him to rape me because he might no know I was married. I told the boss I never wanted to be alone with this guy in the office again but never really figured out what exactly he meant besides nothing good. He was a 50 year old bachelor, guess no woman would settle for him. But wear one or don't who you are determines who cheats. 

[LazyToaster]

holly4755 - OMG that guys sounds all kind of weird!  Who talks like that?  Ew...

[Evil Queen]

5 hours ago, LazyToaster said:

holly4755 - OMG that guys sounds all kind of weird!  Who talks like that?  Ew...

Obviously showed why that guy was never married and probably didn't have many relationships either I bet. Should have been fired for that too. That is disgusting that he would say that and think it was ok for such a thing just because a woman had no ring. 

[lazylou]

9 hours ago, Evil Queen said:

Neurochick had mentioned Sonia's so called "acting" a while back. It might have been in SM thread though but I don't remember at this point but I do know it was mentioned. I am sure the IMDB was set up because of this show though and that was tossed on it since it wasn't mentioned she had one before. If she was supposedly "acting".....well she wasn't very good at it was she? LOL Heck none of the people that have been on this show ever would be. Yet the fact that it was out there about her doing that did make many question her motives for this show. Which is understandable. 

I think the IMDB site was the result of the earlier movie.  No one else on the show has a mention on IMDB.  However, the site does also include some pics of Sonia from MAFS.  I think all those going on the show want to be TV stars more than they want mates...or maybe they want to sell T shirts or yachts or whatever. Match or eHarmony would seem to be a much better way of finding a compatible soul!

[holly4755]

Dear Evil Queen, it was the 70's Sexual harassment was not considered a thing yet. I was very young and just married I had the vague idea it was his version of fatherly advice. Since I was a consultant acting for a company customer and not an employee, I worked late.  Trust me, much worse happened in this service bureau. Besides the guy who left woman's crotchless panties in my drawer among many other things over time, there was the day the ATF made an armed assault on the office, but let me go because obviously I did not look like the others, and was not an employee but also because warrant said to arrest the men and I was the only woman there, ha. Turned out there was also a big drug selling ring in this teeny tiny business. 

But back to the subject. I understand why people are assuming that Sonia is settling,  but the interviews, both print and on TV, she is always portrayed as completely innocent,you don't get to 35 being completely innocent.  if you do, it is not settling, it is desperation. Sometimes people get involved because of envy, this person could provide what I need,  Nick seemed to be the only one without debt. So the monetary stability could be something that influences her subconsciously.  All the flack (deserved or not, it was an edited show) that Nick saw over the length of the show cold have influenced Nick, just as the friendship it appeared his mother had with Sonia could have influenced Nick. Sometimes, how people  you know see other people affects your behavior.  In my own life, I could see the change in behavior when we were with people that really liked me, versus people that did not like me, it was like reflected in my husband's behavior both positively and negatively.   i can imagine the same thing happening with friends and family members subtly affecting both Nick and Sonia.

[Snarklepuss]

1 hour ago, holly4755 said:

But back to the subject. I understand why people are assuming that Sonia is settling,  but the interviews, both print and on TV, she is always portrayed as completely innocent,you don't get to 35 being completely innocent.  if you do, it is not settling, it is desperation.

How do you mean "completely innocent"?  Despite interviews, I doubt Sonia is, by my definition.  She seems to have had some negative experiences which she is allowing to feed her desperation.

Plus, I figure most people settle out of desperation, and that desperation leads to settling.  Which is what it looks to me like Sonia has done.

[1992austenlover]

I definitely think that Nick and Sonia are settling for each other. I think it says a lot that Sonia is still frustrated with Nick's lack of affection towards her and I do find it a little concerning that they still haven't been able to reach the honeymoon phase yet despite being married for over six months. I mean, I understand that everyone is different and that people fall in love at their own pace but in Sonia and Nick's situation, I honestly believe that there's a reason why they haven't been able to get to that point and that's because they have yet to fully embrace each other's differences and--in the case of Nick, specifically--it seems that they are still struggling to prioritize fulfilling each other's needs. I've never been married so I don't claim to be an expert on the subject whatsoever but I feel that I have learned a lot from the show, and one of my biggest takeaways is that in order to be happy in a marriage, both parties have to be selfless to a degree and need to make their partner's needs/feelings a main priority in their lives. Though I sort of admire their dedication to the marriage, I have yet to be convinced that these two will be able to make each other happy in the long run; if Nick doesn't learn to speak Sonia's "love language" or if Sonia doesn't learn to embrace Nick for his quirks (lack of affection and all) then the likelihood of them ever falling in love is extremely slim.

However, what I did like about Sonia and Nick (while watching the reunion) was that they, at the very least, seemed to be on the same page in terms of their emotions (or lack thereof) for each other; they basically agreed that they liked each other enough to stay committed to the marriage even though they were both aware that neither of them were in love. Not exactly a fairytale ending but I did appreciate it for it's honesty (which I guess was a bit of breakthrough for them seeing as these two struggled with their on-camera honesty throughout the experiment).

That being said, I really do hope for their sakes that they do grow together and eventually fall in love...either that or find enough self-respect within themselves to break free and move on. Settling might seem like a temporary fix but I doubt that it will lead to lifelong happiness.

In short, I really hope that they fall in love. 

Edited November 8, 2016 by 1992austenlover

[LazyToaster]

I hope they fall in love too; but, I must be more of a romantic than I would have thought - because I would hope people can proceed from noticing and meeting a person - to liking them as a person - to physical and emotional attraction.  I just don't see it happening with Nick & Sonia.  It would be great if I'm wrong and they can build from where they are to a real relationship.  

[julyjen]

Well she said I love you to him when he posted a picture of Costa Rica today. 

I don't know when the reunion was shot but it seems like they might have more feeling towards each other than we know. I do think they have become a good match and aren't settling.  they probably see something in each other they really love and that makes them want to work at their marriage

[humbleopinion]

Tom and Lily are kaput....cue in the sad emojis from Sonia

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