Explain it to Me Like I'm Lily: Recaps for the Disenchanted

[LeftPhalange]

 

Jeffrey Bathtowel/Birdsmell could be an EXCELLENT "in the shadows" proxy for Adumb.

I've always wondered how Adam got the Adumb nickname. He's done a lot of horrendous sociopath shit but the only dumb thing I can recall him doing is hooking up with Sharin repeatedly. Is that where that came from?

[peacheslatour]

Jeffrey is the logical choice-  he was always panhandling around Grifty when she was married to Adam the first time and I'm pretty sure

that Adam was hip to that shit.

[Snaporaz]

 

OMG, that bed was ridiculous. It was like something left over from the Anne Rice Interview with the Vampire Louisiana Gothic furniture line sold at Sears. Because Sears has everything.

Please.  THE Abby Newman does not shop at Sears.  She got that bed on eBuy.

 

Abby and Ashley act like total bitches around poor kid Tyler, bragging about all the A-listers Ashely knows like Brangelina, the Clintons, and Buffett.  That’s WARREN Buffett, Tyler, you rube.  He asks Ashley what it’s like knowing a kajillionaire, and she pauses, and says you know it’s kind of the same as being married to one, and Ashley and Abby bitch laugh,  A ha ha ha.  Ah ha ha ha.  Tyler is not having a good time.

This whole exchange was way beyond obnoxious, and I LOVE Ashley, who was actually married to two kajillionaires.

[peacheslatour]

 

She got that bed on eBuy.

She heard about it on FacePlace!

[Snaporaz]

And then she shared it on Tag n' Grab!

[canucktvwatcher]

I've always wondered how Adam got the Adumb nickname. He's done a lot of horrendous sociopath shit but the only dumb thing I can recall him doing is hooking up with Sharin repeatedly. Is that where that came from?

No. Working with Syphyllis was probably the height of his stupidity, but the Sharin' 'ship seemed like a good match, IMO.

I interpret the "dumb" part as always seeking validation from PeePaw Vic all the time, even when he was feuding with him. Adam could just not cut the daddy issues loose. For a shrewd businessman, who was so much like dear old dad, he did some dumb shit in regards to Victurd.

[LeftPhalange]

 

For a shrewd businessman

Where was this shrewd businessman people speak of? That hedge fund he started with Skye failed within weeks. The first time he was CEO of NE he went off the rails. The second time he sold the very successful and profitable Beauty of Nature just to spite his daddy. The last time he was in charge he and Jack let the company go bankrupt.

[canucktvwatcher]

Where was this shrewd businessman people speak of? That hedge fund he started with Skye failed within weeks. The first time he was CEO of NE he went off the rails. The second time he sold the very successful and profitable Beauty of Nature just to spite his daddy. The last time he was in charge he and Jack let the company go bankrupt.

Well, I'm guessing that folks that go to Ivy League schools for business aren't exactly morons. :)

He also learned at the feet of Turd, mogul extraordinaire. The examples you cite are calculated moves to mess with others, all the while furthering his own cause. Even after his supposed demise, he is still worth multimillions.

[canucktvwatcher]

And then she shared it on Tag n' Grab!

....or, Reacharound, as it should have been called. That sl got dropped quicker than Nick's pants after a visit to Sharon at the Tacky House on a Friday night.

[peach]

These people.  These stupid, stupid people are making me very wordy today.

Mon April 21  PART ONE

Noah and Courtney try to ditch the lame engagement party, but Abby catches them and forces them to stay.  She mentions that Noah is Tyler’s best friend.  Huh.  News to me.  Noah and Courtney dutifully go find the cake, and then Ashley does ditch the party.  She can’t be enticed by cake because she doesn’t do carbs.  Abby’s like, um…okay.  And her OWN MOTHER leaves her engagement party because she has “someone she wants to see” while she’s in town.  It’s obviously not her engaged daughter.  But they’re totally doing breakfast tomorrow, so it’s fine, right? 

Victoria acts totally desperate on the phone with Stitch about how he’s probably going to bail on their date.  He says he’s not bailing but asks her to meet him at the hospital because he’s very busy being a doctor and stuff.  Then she has a flashback to kissing Billy earlier in the evening.

Billy is standing at Chelsea’s door.  “What are you doing here?” she wants to know.  “[Gosh, Chels,  I just haven’t been by the place since I kidnapped your husband and killed him in a car crash, so I thought I’d stop by] because I wanted to see Connor.” Chelsea’s like..NO.  He pouts. Remember when you told him he could always see Connor if he wanted to???  (What is it about this baby??) She asks if he’s drunk, and he says not yet, but that’s next.  She’s like whatever and starts closing the door.  Billy then acts the MOST INSUFFERABLE he ever has, and that’s saying something, trying to guilt Chelsea in numerous ways to let him inside, most notably because he generously gifted Delia’s corneas to Connor.  Nice play.  Chelsea looks disgusted.

Sharon declines some champagne from Victor.  He strongly suggests she have coffee and cake in the other room.  Sharon says she’s waiting for Nick, and he doesn’t have to worry about her burning down the house again.  He says he wasn’t going to mention that, and Sharon is surprised, saying he’s been so kind to her this evening she’s been waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Oh, that shoe is outside, and Fake Cassie is wearing it.  But Victor says, “It ain’t gonna drop.”  So Sharon thinks he’s forgiving her, but he says he is not.  Oh, Victor, so mysterious this evening.

Cut to outside where Nick has spotted Fake Cassie.  She stares at him.  Nick tells her not to be scared, he says he just wants to talk to her.  She runs away.  Nick follows.

Victor tells Sharon nothing has been forgotten or forgiven. So she’s like why did you let Nick invite me then?  He says for Nicholas’s sake, and Abby’s.  Um, Abby hates her.   She says again that he’s been kind to her and he says, hey, I’m polite to all my guests [serenity Now!]  Sharon tells him she wants him to UNDERSTAND and acknowledge that all the terrible things she did were because she was horrendously mentally ill and didn’t hurt anyone intentionally.  And he should know that after all these years.  “Like when I let everyone think you were dead, and when I burned down your beautiful home…”  The façade almost cracks and Victor’s like, leeeet’s not talk about all your crimes.  She wants to change his mind that she’s bad for Nick.  Victor says he hopes he’s wrong.

Billy continues being INSUFFERABLE trying to worm his way into Chelsea’s home.  Chelsea finally breaks down and gives in to this loser, who goes up to see Connor sleeping so he can think about Delia.

Ashley shows up at the hospital to just “drop in” on Stitch.  So some doctor she barely knows and is not expecting her is way more important than her daughter’s engagement.  She asks when he’s off-duty, hint hint, and Stitch stammers a little about having a date.  In walks Victoria!  Awk-ward!  Haha, Ashley says, “This is awkward.”  Victoria’s like why the hell aren’t you at the party?  And Ashley’s like, well, why aren’t YOU there?  UM, ABBY’S NOT MY DAUGHTER.  That’s probably why.  Ashley starts getting a wee bit bitchy about Victoria “dating” Stitch while Vic narrows her eyes like WTF is wrong with you? (Which is what I’m thinking. What are they doing to awesome Ashley’s character?)  Victoria gets out her claws that she used on Billy earlier and tells Stitch that Ashley used to be her stepmother, as in old, and then asks Ashley what exactly she IS doing there, since only of them was invited and that person is Victoria.

Billy continues being an insufferable jackass at Chelsea’s and mentions that her husband killed his daughter, and she’s like, not this again.  She wants Billy to leave, so he pouts and says make sure she never leaves Connor in a car, boo hoo, so she feels sorry for him AGAIN.  People of Genoa City, STOP ENABLING BILLY ABBOTT.  She offers to get the pizza he wanted to order earlier.  THEN, he has the audacity to say,  “You don’t have to worry about me, Chelsea, I’ll be just fine.”  Just ignore all that whining and groveling I did for 20 minutes, I don’t need you.  BLEH.  So now she has to practically beg him to stay.  Barf.

Sharon tells Victor she never wants to hurt Nick.  He says what do you want?   She says she’s worked very hard on getting well, and he says, with drugs, condescendingly.  She’s like, yeaaaah, the kind the doctor prescribes.  And therapy.   Noah and Courtney walk in to tell Victor they need him to take photos.  He tells Noah to keep his mother company./watched.  Sharon says Nick should be back by now, unless this is a really long driveway.  Noah offers to send Courtney to look for him, because she’s a cop.  What?  How dangerous a neighborhood is Victor’s driveway?  Noah and Courtney go look for Nick.

Cut to Fake Cassie’s hotel room.  She’s packing up and fast.  She’s not even FOLDING anything.  She tears open the door, and THERE IS NICK.  He says, “What’s the matter, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Chelsea asks Billy if he’s staying.  He’s like, why not?  Ugh.  He sees Adam’s death certificate.  Hey, let’s talk about how dead he is again.  Chelsea’s not interested in that conversation.  She asks about Victoria, and he asks why she thinks his stupid whiny pushy wanting to get drunk behavior has anything to do with Victoria. She’s like, duh.  So he describes the party and how she kissed him and then went on a date with Stitch.  Chelsea’s like big deal, it’s still not over.  Hell, she married another guy and still got back with Adam, right?  He whines some more until Chelsea finally says, “STOP BEING SUCH AN IDIOT!”  And then angels sang.

Ashley tells Stitch that she might have been Victoria’s stepmother before, but how she’s her sister-in-law, like she’s shocking Stitch with the info that Victoria’s still married, instead of that Genoa City is sort of like Appalachia.  (I am my own grandpa..)  Stitch excuses himself from this mess to go change.  Ashley starts digging on Victoria about Billy.  She tells Vic that she pushed Billy into going to the party just to see her so they could lay eyes on each other and then it would all work out.  Geez, how long have you been out of town?  Victoria tries to explain how much and how many times Billy has hurt her, and Ashley says “Can you give Billy a pass?”  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  This is this idiot’s whole problem!  Blah blah Delia blah.  Victoria says she can’t.  Ashley says why, because of Ben?  Victoria gets her back up again and says how dare Ashley lecture her.  “How many times have you been married again?”  Dang, Victoria.

Edited April 22, 2014 by peach

[Snaporaz]

 

She mentions that Noah is Tyler’s best friend.  Huh.  News to me.

They were roommates for about two weeks.  Remember the stinky couch?

[peach]

Mon Apr 21 PART TWO

Noah and Courtney say they searched the property and Nick is gone and so is his car.  Nick calls.  He says something came up.  Sharon says, yo, Victor is supervising me and it’s way not fun, so come back.  He says have Noah take you straight home.  He tells Fake Cassie that was Sharon on the phone, remember her? 

Fake Cassie claims she doesn’t know anything and that she has a plane to catch.  Nick says she’s not going anywhere until she tells him who she is and why she looks like Cassie.  She gets all defensive and tells him he must be some freak, and he says, hey, then let’s call the cops!  She gets scared and says it was all a mistake, that she was just lost looking for a friend’s house and was on the wrong property.  Nick starts dialing his phone and she freaks out.  He demands to know how she got past security.  The same way everyone else does, I guess. Nick searches her room and finds all the photos of the real Cassie.  Uh-oh..

Noah, Courtney, and Sharon go back to the cottage and laugh off whatever emergency Nick is having, thinking it must be at the club.  (It went out of business, ha).  Sharon explains to Courtney how she hallucinated about Cassie.  Then Sharon has some weird flashback/memory of when she did just that.

Ashley concedes that she shouldn’t give marital advice, but she wants Billy & Victoria to be happy.  Stitch shows up looking fly, and then Ashley brazenly says she’ll call him next time she’s in town and any of her body parts need looking after.  She actually said that.  Then she leaves.  Billy tells Victoria some long story about a little boy patient that he promised to stick around for until his surgery was over, uh, coulda told her that EARLIER.  And why did he change his clothes??  Victoria says they can still have their date at the hospital.

Billy tells Chelsea not to give him a pep talk.  She tells him anything is possible because Victoria loves Billy.  Billy is the worst guest ever and gets mad when Chelsea talks about how she and Adam found their way back to each other.  Billy pouts and starts to go, but for some inexplicable reason, Chelsea begs him to stay with her.  She doesn’t want to be alone, and Billy will probably just go do something idiotic, they should watch a movie.  THEN BILLY SAYS, “we’re not even supposed to be friends.”  THEN WHY ARE YOU THERE?  WHY DID YOU BEG TO ORDER A PIZZA WITH THIS WOMAN?  I can’t deal with this.

Victoria and Stitch eat carry out from Styrofoam containers and flirt. She’s like what’s the deal with Ashley?  Stitch is like there is no deal, she twisted her ankle.  Vic admits she was jealous, and Stitch likes it.

Abby tells Victor thanks for the boring geriatric party.  Of course, Victor wants to bring Tyler in to Newman Enterprises, Abby says no.  He tells her he’s made a decision to let his kids make up their own minds.  Abby laughs because she doesn’t believe it, but hugs her daddy.

Sharon is trying to figure out what she’s remembering.

Fake Cassie tries to  pass off the pictures as her own, until Nick is like, hey, I’m in these pictures.  He accuses her of all the terrible things she did to drive Sharon insane, and she finally shouts, “It wasn’y MY idea!!”

Billy is such a jackass he spoils the plot of the movie he’s watching with Chelsea. They start playfully shoving each other and then start kissing.   Because this show is stupid.

Victoria and Stitch kiss.

Sharon is looking for Nick and calls the club.  He isn’t there.  They worry.

Ashley comes back to the ranch because she has nothing better to do.  She chats with Victor about family conflicts and he says he feels like things are finally starting to work out. 

Nick yells at Fake Cassie some more and she says she felt terrible about what happened to Sharon.  He demands to know who put her up to it.  They stare at each other…because…the episode is over.

The End, until tomorrow.

Edited April 22, 2014 by peach

[peacheslatour]

That was awesome peach, but I still want too know WHAT MOVIE WERE THEY WATCHING?!?

[canucktvwatcher]

That was awesome peach, but I still want too know WHAT MOVIE WERE THEY WATCHING?!?

THE SIXTH SENSE.

Jesus, even the movies this show refers to are dated these days!

[peach]

I'm sad about Adam dying.  Oh, I'm sad about Delia dying.  Hey, let's watch The Sixth Sense to take our minds off it.

[peacheslatour]

Yeah, because there are no dead children in The Sixth Sense and it is totally not depressing at all.

[Joimiaroxeu]

She mentions that Noah is Tyler’s best friend.  Huh.  News to me. 

That's so it'll make sense when Tyler asks Noah to be his best man. Who else is he gonna ask, Neil or Devon? Neil is an obvious non-starter and I don't think Tyler and Devon are exactly drinking buddies either.

Billy is standing at Chelsea’s door.

I still don't understand why Chelsea doesn't have a peephole. She just swings open the door to be surprised by whoever's standing there. One of them mentioned the doorman but I guess he's just there to accept packages or something. What's to keep crazypants Chloe from showing up with a gun aimed at her?

Ashley shows up at the hospital to just “drop in” on Stitch.

Ugh, I hated that entire scene. It's bad enough to watch two women arguing over a man but to do it in front of the man is just vomit-inducing. (And I don't like when the genders are reversed either; looking at you, B&B).

She actually said that. 

And she said it right in front of his date. Since when is Ashley that desperate?

Victoria says they can still have their date at the hospital.

Stitch was a straight-up pimp. He not only had two women arguing in public over him at his job, his bottom bitch came to pick him up and brought him food which she paid for. All he was out of was a change of clothes and he's probably going to get laid right in that empty patient's room. Work it, Stitch.

Edited April 22, 2014 by Joimiaroxeu

[peach]

They're both so excited about an eligible non-Abbott or non-Newman in town, they've lost their minds.  So now an Abbott and a Newman are fighting for him.  I wish Sharon could have gotten a crack at Stitch.  Maybe if he marries a Newman, she'll get with him.

[PatsyandEddie]

 

Stitch was a straight-up pimp. He not only had two women arguing in public over him at his job, his bottom bitch came to pick him up and brought him food which she paid for. All he was out of was a change of clothes and he's probably going to get laid right in that empty patient's room. Work it, Stitch.

Hey, some guys just got it goin' like that : )  At least it's believable, unlike Victurd. :P

[canucktvwatcher]

Stitch was a straight-up pimp. He not only had two women arguing in public over him at his job, his bottom bitch came to pick him up and brought him food which she paid for. All he was out of was a change of clothes and he's probably going to get laid right in that empty patient's room. Work it, Stitch.

QUOTE OF THE DAY!

And you're absolutely right - they should rename Stitch Big Pimpin'!

[Suby]

Hey, some guys just got it goin' like that : )  At least it's believable, unlike Victurd. :P

Yes they sure do.

I love the places these well off folks eat. Burger Beat. Where was the French takeout from? L' Jacques Strap?

[atomationage]

Thanks, peach, for the recaps.  They are very much appreciated. 

 

They stare at each other…because…the episode is over.

Maybe the writers are Dark Shadows fans.  The GCAC is The Collinsport Inn. Crimson Lights is The Blue Whale. The ranch is Collinwood.  

I wonder whose idea it was to eliminate The Big Blue Plate. 

Is Gloria gone from the show?

I can't wait for the next recap.

Edited April 23, 2014 by atomationage

[peach]

So, this is a day late, but wouldn't you know it, my family thinks they take precedence over the Newmans and the Abbotts.  ITWASFORMYFAMILY! K?

 

Tue Apr 22
Jack compliments Nikki on a great party without casualties.  He takes a few jabs at Victor, too, which Victor just finds amusing. 

 

Sharon is still trying to reach Nick by phone.  Nick won’t let Fake Cassie go.  He’s in awe of how much she looks like real Cassie.  IKR?  It’s like they’re the same person.  She says, ok, I’ll tell you everything.  She really has an amazing complexion.

 

Hilary runs into Neil at the GCAC.  At least one of them has a flashback to their boring, boring kiss.  Neil says they need to clear the air, but Hilary says we both know what that kiss was about.  Obviously, it was about Leslie, who walks right through the door.

 

Stitch and Victoria are kissing, but Vic breaks away.  Victoria has an emotionally mature realization that she shouldn’t be getting involved with anyone right now while she’s dealing with the whole Billy mess, even though kissing Stitch was niiice.

 

Replay of the gross kiss between Billy and Chelsea.  Chelsea slaps Billy!  My world makes a little more sense now.  She says, “What the hell, Billy??”  He says he’s out of his head because his life is screwed up.  She’s pissed and wants him out.  Even Connor is so grossed out he starts crying upstairs, so Chelsea goes to him.

 

Victoria tells Stitch she sees him as…an understanding friend.  She explains to Stitch how she was at the party with Billy and ended up kissing him, she did file separation papers, but she can’t handle a serious relationship right now.

 

Back at the ranch, Jack is kind of a jerk making a big deal of  how insincere Victor is about mending fences.  It’s a party for ABBY, Jack, not you.  Just leave already.  He’s convinced Victor has it in for someone.  He says next time the party will be at his house, and Victor says he can hardly wait.  Jack leaves.  Victor says you’d think someone would have taught that son-of-a-bitch some manners.  Ha.  Nikki asks, but is he right?  Ha, Victor says Jack is right about NOTHING.  Of course.

 

Nick is still asking who put Fake Cassie up to her antics.  She backtracks and claims it was all her idea again.  He says that makes no sense. She says “It wouldn’t, to a spoiled rich dude like yourself.  You probably eat off gold plates.”  That really pisses him off.  She says she read an article online about a super rich family that had an anti-drinking campaign for their dead kid, saw the photo, and realized she could pretend to be that kid, so she could make some money.  She goes on with some more Occupy bullshit about how they’re rich and she’s poor, so it was totally okay to pretend to be their dead kid, to get her fair share.  Nick isn’t buying it.

 

Hilary tries to leave the scene, but Neil wants her to congratulate Leslie on her wedding that happened SO fast and caught them all by surprise.  Hilary says, hey, let’s go over fabric orders instead.  Then Neil says his boss won’t mind him catching up with his ex.  Wait, how is Hilary Neil’s boss?  Jack’s executive assistant is Neil’s boss?  Leslie’s like, seriously, Neil?  I thought we could be friends.  FRIENDS?  Oh, no, Leslie, Neil isn’t interested in being FRIENDS.  Sneer, sneer.

 

Jack stops by Sharon’s with her cell phone she left at Victor’s.  She tells him about Nick taking off without any explanation.  Jack says there could be a lot of reasons he is gone, and offers to keep Sharon company.  They talk about how awful Victor is.  Sharon says she has a confession to make.

 

Nick tells Fake Cassie if she’s making up this story, the truth must be even worse.  He says her story is crap because she never stole anything or asked for any money.  He’s like what was Sharon going to do, write a check to a ghost?  He keeps grilling her to tell him who’s behind this til she snaps and says, “I CAN’T!  He’ll KILL ME!”

 

Victor and Nikki have a little chat about how he does want peace and happiness in the family.  He says he does have reservations about Tyler and Abby because of their income disparity, but he is staying out of it.  Nikki says Adam’s death really did change Victor, and he says yes.  It’s too late for Adam to rectify his mistakes, but not Victor.

 

Chelsea comes rushing down the stairs with Connor and tells Billy to stay because Connor isn’t breathing properly.  Billy tries to calm her down and says it’s probably croup.  Chelsea freaks out because she’s missing a button and thinks he might be choking on it.  Billy doesn’t think so but they decide to go to the hospital.

 

Neil follows Leslie into the bar at the club.  In case anyone was worried that Billy Abbott was going to walk away with the Whiny Award unchallenged, in steps Neil Winters to give him a run for his money.  Neil tells Leslie now that she’s married they COULD be friends, in fact BEST FRIENDS.  How about he throws her a wedding reception, even.  Oh, he even makes fun of Barton’s name.  Leslie is like, whatever, Neil.  She walks away.  Hilary asks Neil if he’s okay, and he guesses he’ll manage somehow, and leaves.  Hilary goes over and asks Leslie if she can sit down with her.

 

Victoria tells Stitch she just needs some more time to sort things out.  He admits he’s jealous of Billy.  Victoria admits she was jealous of Ashley.  Stitch sees this as a bond between them.  Then they hear Billy shout, “We need a doctor here!”  Of course, off duty Stitch in his fly black suit come running to the rescue.

 

Chelsea gasps out the story of Connor’s breathing problem and Stitch rushes off with them.  This is the best hospital in the whole world.  Billy expresses his stress to Victoria about rushing into the emergency room with Connor because it was too much like what happened with Delia.  Victoria is like, what were you doing at Chelsea’s?  GOOD QUESTION.

 

Sharon tells Jack she had the ECT treatment, and it affected her memory.  So she needs Jack to tell her what the deal was between her and Phyllis.  Are you kidding me?  You’ve been locked in mortal combat with this woman for decades over Nick, and you can’t remember it?  Well, since she can’t, she hopes Phyllis has a full recovery.  They talk about Adam’s death.  Sharon says she’s surprised no one’s planned a memorial for him.  Sharon obviously doesn’t remember a lot of things.  Jack says not everyone was as crazy about Adam as they were (like, Sharon, for instance).  She still thinks Victor would plan something, and Jack says especially since Nikki claims Adam’s death changed him in some giant way.

 

Nick demands to know who Fake Cassie is afraid of.  She says he can’t make her talk.  Nick’s like it has to be someone who has a serious grudge against Sharon, knew Cassie, has photos, had her on his ranch, and has a lot of money. “ THERE’S ONLY ONE PERSON THAT COULD HAVE DONE THIS. “

 

Jack and Sharon talk about Victor being decent during the party, but Sharon says he still won’t forgive her even though he knows she was mentally ill.  Jack says he should know better after a lifetime in Genoa City.  Sharon says, “Victor’s on your side,  until he’s not.”  Word.  But she still thinks she saw a dent in his armor, because he seems less concerned about getting revenge against her and is just more concerned about Nicholas.  And she doesn’t want to waste any more of her life hating him.  Jack says well, maybe Adam’s death really did change him and caused him to grow a conscience.  Man, they are laying this on thick before the big Fake Cassie reveal.

 

Nikki says he’s “the kinder and gentler Victor.”  Did I mention they’re laying it on thick?  Blah blah Victor’s the best now blah blah blah.
Fake Cassie’s still trying to deny it was Victor.  Nick’s like who else would it be???  Fake Cassie keeps saying she did it herself.  Nick assures her that Victor is NOT going to kill her.  She says it’s complicated and more to it than he knows but she can’t explain it and she’s super duper sorry for everything.  Tears roll down her face while she apologizes.  He says then tell me the truth, “did my dad put you up to this?”  She finally says…”yes.”  Nick takes this news HARD.  Aww, poor Nick.  :(

 

Billy says, “Are you seriously asking me what I was doing after the little fashion show you put on for me earlier?”  Speaking of which, what are she and Dr Crewcut doing there all dressed up and not out on your hot date? No, don’t answer that, because they are SEPARATED.  So they talk about Connor.  Victoria says he’s in the best possible hands.  “Oh, you mean STITCH?”  Billy just can’t help himself.  Out they come and it turns out Connor just has croup.  Omg,Billy was right about something!  Chelsea thanks him for “being a sane rational adult” when she wasn’t.  haha!  Victoria is kind of disgusted by that comment.  “No one’s ever accused me of that before!” he says.  Chelsea doesn’t know what she would have done without him there.  I guess, call 911?

 

Neil brings the quarterly sales report by Jack’s house.  Jack brings up Leslie, and says he’s going to lend Neil his shoulder.  Neil thinks if he hadn’t pushed Leslie so hard for marriage she might have come around eventually.  Jack’s like, dude, if she moved on like that, maaaaybe you’re lucky it didn’t work out.  Neil’s like, that’s what Hilary said!  Jack’s like, whoa dude, you and Hilary talk about this shit?  And Neil’s like, ohhh yeaaah. 

 

Leslie thanks Hilary for stopping Neil from making a scene, and that Neil needs to understand he can’t keep doing this.  Hilary’s all, oh NEIL needs to understand??  She tells Leslie she broke Neil’s heart and stomped on it, and starts mocking her for getting married to some guy she only knew for 15 minutes, etc, and Leslie is like, you need to GO.  Hilary, says no, you need to go…straight to hell!  Leslie laughs.  I love Leslie.  They argue some more and Hilary tells her to cut the bull about being friends with Neil because he can do better.  Leslie’s like, mmm hmmm…like with you?

 

Victor and Nikki blah blah.  Nikki goes upstairs.  Nick calls, all steely eyed.  He needs to see Victor, and no, it can’t wait until tomorrow.  Somehow, I have to wait until tomorrow, though, don’t I?

 

Neil explains to Jack how he and Hil are really tight since they went to LA together.  Jack says someone else is out there for Neil. 

 

Leslie reminds Hilary that she only came to Genoa City to DESTROY NEIL’S WHOLE FAMILY.  Yeah, remember THAT??  And now Hilary thinks she’s Neil’s big champion.  What’s the deal with that, Hilary, huh?  Hilary tells Leslie to just stay out of Neil’s life.  “Back at YOU, sistah,” says Leslie, “BACK. AT. YOU.”  And she storms off.  Do not mess with Leslie.

 

Billy offers to drive Chelsea home.  Stitch and Victoria look awkward.

 

Nick insists on speaking to Victor.  He agrees.  Sharon arrives at Nick’s and sees Fake Cassie.  She is understandably upset. 

Aaaand, yes, I do have to wait until tomorrow for the showdown with Victor.

 

The End, for now.

Edited April 23, 2014 by peach

[peacheslatour]

Aces as usual peach!

[PatsyandEddie]

Thanks peach!! Love your taken things. :D

I must say that when SC reached out to touch Fake's hair, I was pretty emotional myself. And I do have to give JM some props for his acting in this reveal. Finally!

WTF Kneel, you were a supreme douche to Leslie.

Gee, I wonder what's going to happen next between BillyBoyAbbott and Chelsea? RMFE!

[miamama]

Are you kidding me?  You’ve been locked in mortal combat with this woman for decades over Nick, and you can’t remember it?

 

Right? This blew my mind, too. Where the fuck are they going with the gaps in Sharon's memory?

 

Neil thinks if he hadn’t pushed Leslie so hard for marriage she might have come around eventually.  Jack’s like, dude, if she moved on like that, maaaaybe you’re lucky it didn’t work out.  Neil’s like, that’s what Hilary said!  Jack’s like, whoa dude, you and Hilary talk about this shit?  And Neil’s like, ohhh yeaaah.

 

Oh god, I would have enjoyed their talk so much more if they had used your words. lol.

[peach]

I guess Sharon doesn't WANT to remember Phyllis.  Would you? 

[Suby]

I guess Sharon doesn't WANT to remember Phyllis.  Would you? 

One lucky side effect for Sharon.  Heck everyone forgot Phyl except for Stupor Girl and Jack, and I think Kelly will take care of that.

[canucktvwatcher]

I guess Sharon doesn't WANT to remember Phyllis.  Would you?

Sadly, no amount of brainbleach, amnesia, or medication can truly make anyone forget the character of Phyllis. She's like burn-in on your tv, only worse!

[miamama]

Heck everyone forgot Phyl except for Stupor Girl and Jack, and I think Kelly will take care of that.

 

Please soap gods, let Kelly and Jack light a fire of chemistry so that the plug can be pulled on Phyllis. And then Stupor Girl can slip and fall and require blood and it can be revealed that she is indeed Jack's daughter, and so Sharon only imagined the TWIST from hell and we can move forward with our lives...

[Joimiaroxeu]

Even Connor is so grossed out he starts crying upstairs, so Chelsea goes to him.

Poor Connor is like, "Aw geez, my mom is kissing that high school kid who tried to kill my dad? I know how to put a stop to this nonsense!"

 

Oh, no, Leslie, Neil isn’t interested in being FRIENDS.  Sneer, sneer.

Man, if there was ever someone who needed a punch in the throat it was Neil right then and there. Leslie should have offered him a Midol.

 

He says he does have reservations about Tyler and Abby because of their income disparity, but he is staying out of it.

Yeah, right up until the moment he summons Tyler to his office to sign a prenup. Because he will not let some young punk steal his daughter's money in a divorce settlement. YAGOTTHAT!?

 

Hilary asks Neil if he’s okay, and he guesses he’ll manage somehow, and leaves.

Hope on the way home he dropped by CVS for a jumbo pack of extra strength Midol. He sure seemed to be needing it.

 

Neil brings the quarterly sales report by Jack’s house.  Jack brings up Leslie, and says he’s going to lend Neil his shoulder.  Neil thinks if he hadn’t pushed Leslie so hard for marriage she might have come around eventually.  Jack’s like, dude, if she moved on like that, maaaaybe you’re lucky it didn’t work out.  Neil’s like, that’s what Hilary said!  Jack’s like, whoa dude, you and Hilary talk about this shit?  And Neil’s like, ohhh yeaaah.

LOL. And then they started braiding each other's hair and giggling about boys.

 

Do not mess with Leslie.

She's like software Terms and Conditions. Nobody reads Leslie.

 

Please soap gods, let Kelly and Jack light a fire of chemistry so that the plug can be pulled on Phyllis. And then Stupor Girl can slip and fall and require blood and it can be revealed that she is indeed Jack's daughter, and so Sharon only imagined the TWIST from hell and we can move forward with our lives...

Let the church say amen.

[peach]

My computer is being wonky, so I am going to post what I have written of my Wed recap, because I'm afraid of losing it.  I'll post the rest when I finish, depending how many OT's the hockey game goes.  ;) 

 

DISCLAIMER:  I am a Schick fan, so haterz gonna hate, but you'll just have to deal with it.

 

Wed Apr 23
Sharon thinks Fake Cassie is a hallucination and is freaking out.  Nick tells her the woman she’s seeing is real.

 

Noah and Courtney talk at the coffee shop about how weird Nick’s acting, and Noah’s worried about Sharon in particular.
Sharon’s confused and insists Cassie is a hallucination.  VICTOR WALKS IN and sees Fake Cassie right there in front of God and everybody.  BUSTED!!!  “Cassie’s not a hallucination,” says Nick, “is she, Dad?”

 

Paul & Cricket and Michael & Lauren are out to dinner.  Lauren seems to have recovered from thinking she was pregnant for one day.  Avery stops by and asks Michael if they can talk next week about the Innocence Foundation.  He agrees and asks if Leslie’s joining them and she says nope.  Michael’s surprised, and Cricket says it’s because Leslie defended Ian into a mistrial.  Avery doesn’t really take the bait, but that’s totally it.  I have an idea, why don’t they just try him again?  Paul says Ian’s pressing his luck because he’s made powerful enemies.

 

Creepy Ian Music.  Ian bothers Dylan some more at the coffee shop.  He has news to share, as usual.

 

Oh, Cricket IS working on getting Ian re-tried.  Avery leaves, and Paul follows her to say he’s sorry Ian is back on the streets, and he knows Dylan is upset.  Avery says, try furious.  Wow, way to play it cool, Avery.  Paul digs some more that maybe Dylan acted on it.  Avery says Ian tried to get Dylan to lose his temper, but he didn’t lose his cool.  Paul says Ian will keep trying.  He will keep an eye on Ian, but Avery needs to keep an eye on Dylan. 

 

Ian says he’s making Dylan the sole beneficiary of his estate.  He tells Dylan not to be a slave to anger or hate or something, and to give people second chances, like Avery gave him for undermining her marriage.  Dylan’s temple is throbbing.  Blah blah The Path blah forgiveness blah.  Dylan tells him he’s crazy, and Ian pushes some more buttons about when Dylan kidnapped Connor.

 

Noah apologizes to Courtney for being so preoccupied but he’s learned when it comes to his parents, “to expect the worst.”  Aw, poor Noah.  And he’s right!  LOL  Courtney is more bummed about Summer telling Nikki she’s a cop.  Noah still doesn’t think anyone cares, and says his grandparents grew up poor and are not snobs.  Unless you are talking about THATWOMAN!  He talks about what a hypocrite Victor is but “tonight was different.”  Ugh.  Anyway, Noah’s had enough Newman talk and wants to have fun with his girlfriend finally.

 

Victor tries to act like he didn’t have anything to do with Fake Cassie but Nick’s not buying it.  Sharon is deeply upset, and it’s really kind of sad.  She asks FC  if she’s not a ghost or a phantasm, then who IS she? FC tries to leave, but Sharon says, NO!  Please don’t go.

 

Victor keeps playing dumb.  Sharon asks FC how this is possible, what’s her name, where did she come from?  FC says it’s not important.  Sharon emotionally goes on about how much Fake Cassie is like real Cassie, and FC says, “I’m not her.”  Sharon’s having a hard time bridging the gap between fantasy and reality, and says, “but you could be.”  Her palpable anguish upsets Nick, who then gives Victor a super murderous look.  Victor’s looking around the room like Ralphie does in A Christmas Story.  Who, me?  These floors could use a polish…

 

Paul is like a dog with a bone over Dylan and this hotel room thing.  Geez, give it a rest, Paul.  Obviously he doesn’t have any evidence.  Avery promises to monitor the situation.  How about acting like a lawyer and telling him to leave her client alone.
Noah and Courtney arrive at the GCAC and he says he booked a suite for them as a surprise.   Courtney sees Paul at the bar and she’s like let’s go before my boss sees me.  Cut over to the dinner table where Cricket asks how Michael and Lauren are doing.  She  keeps prying into how Lauren’s feeling, and Michael says she’s just exhausted.  Finally Cricket spills it that Paul told her Lauren’s pregnant, so congratulations!!!  Lauren looks miserable.

 

Sharon is torn apart by how much Fake Cassie is like real Cassie, and Nick says it’s just a coincidence that they are alike, but it is NOT a coincidence that FC is in Genoa City.  Then he tears into Victor for how sick and controlling he is.  Sharon is touching FC’s hair and looking devastated.  FC is uncomfortable but sad.  Nick tells Sharon that Victor was deliberately trying to drive her crazy, gaslighting her the same way Adam did to Ashley.  “Like father, like son, huh, Dad?”  Sharon is crushed.  Sharon is making me sad, you guys.  For realz.

 

Dylan is slicing lemons at the counter and telling Ian he doesn’t want his money and to stay away from him.  Ian tells Dylan that if he dies, he (Dylan) will inherit his money and be the first suspect.  Dylan’s like, oh, I get it, the money is an insurance policy in case I snap.  While holding his lemon slicing knife, Dylan informs Ian that he’s getting counseling for his PTSD, but if he does snap, there is no controlling it and no paperwork is really going to matter.  Tell him, Dylan!  Ian actually looks worried for once.  Avery comes around the corner and looks a little worried, too.  Ian congratulates Avery on her web series and chocolate soufflé, because Ian just knows everything about everybody.  He leaves. 

 

Michael pours wine for a toast and Paul and Cricket freak out that Lauren’s going to drink some.  Cricket says, “I don’t want to judge your choice, but…” she’s totally judging it. Michael says Lauren isn’t pregnant, and Paul and Cricket feel stupid. :)  They have an awkward conversation and Lauren at least gets to drink her damn wine.

 

Sharon asks Fake Cassie if it’s true that Victor hired her.  FC says she’s so sorry, and she never thought it would go so far.  This is rocking Sharon’s whole world.  Nick shouts at Victor some more for the damage he’s caused, and Victor says, you want to look at damage, look at Sharon.  “She’s caused plenty of damage and IT AIN’T GONNA STOP!”  Nick is super pissed off, and kind of sexy right now letting Victor have it.  He says Fake Cassie tried to cover for him because she’s scared.  Victor says Nick should be scared of Sharon.  Nick asks if he has an ounce of regret for trying to drive Sharon out of her mind and making her get ECT.  Victor’s like, bitch, please, she lost her mind a long time before these “hallucinations.”    Oh, no, Nick says, Sharon was getting better and Victor couldn’t stand it.  Victor drops his bomb…”Sharon has a secret.”  Sharon’s totally like..”I do?? What is it??”

 

After the commercial break, Victor says, “tell him, Sharon.”  She’s just weeping like, dude, I am really confused right now.  “SHEHASASECRET!  AND WHEN IT COMES OUT IT’S GOING TO TURN YOU AGAINST HER ONCE AND FOR ALL.”  BLAHBLAH.  Sharon gets mad and starts yelling, “What secret??  Because I don’t know what you’re talking about!”  Because you’re an idiot, Victor, and you made her fry her brain and FORGET the secret.  Nick doesn’t want to hear Victor shifting the blame and says what he did was against Sharon AND the memory of Cassie and the whole family.  

 

“SONIAMSICKANDTIREDOFLISTENINGTOYOUDEFENDTHATLUNATIC!  SHEWILLDESTROYYOU…YOUMARKMYWORD!”  There’s not a lot left to destroy after you’ve had your shot with someone, Victor.

 

Courtney says she’s never stayed in a place so fancy.  Noah’s like, seriously?  Yes, seriously, Noah.  She’s not a millionaire, as has already been established.  Then they start getting hot and heavy.

 

Paul, Cricket, Lauren, and Michael talk some more about being bummed out about the nonpregnancy, and Paul misses his kids and wishes he had been around for them, and it just keeps getting more awkward about all their life choices.

 

Avery tells Dylan she talked to Paul, and blurts out asking if Dylan trashed Ian’s room.  He doesn’t answer and she apologizes, and Dylan easily changes the subject by telling her how awesome her dumb cooking show was.  She doesn’t like the title, “You’ve Been Served.”  LOL  Dylan likes it because Dylan likes everything.  Gross blahblah Averyisperfect conversation, and they read all her ahmazing comments on the cooking show.  Uh-oh, there’s a creepy one.

 

Victor continues to be an unrepentant ass.  Nick is like look what you’ve done to the whole family.  What about Noah and Faith?  Victor says do you honestly think a few pills and shocks are going to set her straight?  “ALLI’VEEVERWANTEDISTOSEEMYFAMILYHAPPY!”  Nick is getting a migraine.  He snaps on behalf of all of us:  “I’VE HEARD THIS MY WHOLE LIFE!  MY WHOLE LIFE!  And it’s just not true!”    He tells Victor he wants him out, out of his life.  “IT’SNOTGONNAHAPPEN!” 

 

Nick says, “What you did was depraved, and I don’t understand how you did it after what you went through with Ashley.”  Victor’s eyes are kind of bugging out, and then he looks at Sharon like it’s HER fault.    Victor says Nick is too blind to see that THATWOMAN is going to destroy his life!!  And he’ll be PROVEDRIGHT!  Then he storms out in disgust with all of them.  It’s like Victor’s never conceived of a scenario in which Nick thinks Sharon is bad yet still thinks Victor is also an evil psychopath.
Fake Cassie decides it’s a good time for her to leave too.  Nick’s like, uh-uh, Sharon’s going to press charges against you.  But Sharon says, NO!  She won’t do that.  Nick is pretty furious with Fake Cassie, and Sharon says she knows she should want to punish her, but she can't do it to the girl with Cassie's face.

 

Noah and Courtney get hotter and heavier.

 

Paul and Cricket talk about her choice to not have kids.  Maybe she’s missing out, maybe it is something she wants.

 

Ian’s on the phone with someone… “It’s me.  Where do we stand?”  Dylan and Avery read the internet comments, good and bad.  One says “Now I’ve seen more, but this is still not the real Avery Bailey Clark” posted by 4MJ or ForMJ (I don’t know).  This guy has posted before, and they wonder what it means.  ZZZZZZ.  Avery gets a phone call that the show’s a go!  They hug!  Ian peers creepily through the window at them from the next room.  Avery’s excited about having a production schedule and runs home.  Dylan goes back to slicing his lemons and has a stareoff with Ian from across the room.

 

Sharon thanks Nick for understanding why she can’t go through with pressing charges against Fake Cassie.  Meanwhile Fake Cassie is back at her hotel room preparing to leave, but apparently having second thoughts.  She calls someone on the phone and says, “It’s me.  I’m in trouble, and I need your help.”

 

Victor’s back in his house looking worse for the wear.  He has a flashback to about 150 years ago when a really young Nick was excited about the construction of the cottage for Sharon and him to live in.   Nick looks kind of like Cillian Murphy right there.  One might think this flashback, to Victor, is about how much Nick owes him.   Lol  To Shick lovers, it means that Sharon is the love of Nick’s life, Victor, get a clue!!  Shick haters probably just hate it.  Victor looks drained in the here and now.

 

Nick very tenderly strokes Sharon’s cheek and tells her he’s so sorry for what his father has done to her.  And when the rest of at the family finds out what he’s done, it’s gonna be hell on earth for him.

 

THE END….for now

 

EDITED TO ADD THE LAST FEW PARAGRAPHS

 

Edited April 24, 2014 by peach

[LeftPhalange]

 

Back at the ranch, Jack is kind of a jerk making a big deal of  how insincere Victor is about mending fences.  It’s a party for ABBY, Jack, not you.  Just leave already.

 

I liked Victor remaining calm and letting Jack make a fool of himself. With Billy, Ashley and Vikki leaving early and Jack making everything about himself, Abby would be better off not inviting her family to her next engagement party.

 

 

Neil follows Leslie into the bar at the club.

 

She tells Leslie she broke Neil’s heart and stomped on it, and starts mocking her for getting married to some guy she only knew for 15 minutes, etc, and Leslie is like, you need to GO.  Hilary, says no, you need to go…straight to hell!

 

Leslie needs to get a restraining order taken out on Niel and Hilary.

 

 

Sharon says she’s surprised no one’s planned a memorial for him.

 

Why is Sharin acting like she cares about Adam? Where was this concern three months ago.

 

 

Jack says well, maybe Adam’s death really did change him and caused him to grow a conscience.  Man, they are laying this on thick before the big Fake Cassie reveal.

 

OMG you guys Victor acted like a decent person for five minutes so that totally means he's now a new and improved Victor.

 

 

Victor says Nick is too blind to see that THATWOMAN is going to destroy his life!!  And he’ll be PROVEDRIGHT!  Then he storms out in disgust with all of them.

 

Of course Victor is the one who left the room in disgust.

[glowlights]

Yeah, Cricket and her "I don't want to judge your choice..." comment. SHUT UP CRICKET. And get off my screen because shit's going down at Sharon's house. You guys discuss baked potatoes and green beans without the rest of us.

 

Can I just say that the showdown with Victor, Sharon, Nick and Cassie was the first time in (what seems like) ages that I've been really engaged with a Y&R scene? It had that juicy *gasp* factor that has been missing (for me). Victor yelling about that woman, Nick disowning Victor, Sharon reaching out to touch Cassie's hair.... ooooohh that was some good stuff. I have been starved for drama.

 

I have the idea that Sharon will reach out to Fake Cassie Who Will Turn Out To Be Real Cassie and take her under her wing, to the consternation of everyone else. Could be good if the writers don't run it into the ground. Especially if the person Cassie called for help is anyone that actually matters and not just Genevieve or some crap like that.

[canucktvwatcher]

Anyone else laugh at Hilary's impassioned speech, telling Leslie to "go to hell"? The way she was carrying on, I half expected her to scream, "KHANNNNNNNNN!". Damn, that was pure Shatner there for a moment!

Edited April 24, 2014 by canucktvwatcher

[peacheslatour]

Is anyone going to remember that GhostCassie and FakeCassie were two different entities?  Will Sharin' think those hallucinations of GhostCassie were FakeCassie all along?

[peach]

Yeah, Cricket and her "I don't want to judge your choice..." comment. SHUT UP CRICKET. And get off my screen because shit's going down at Sharon's house. You guys discuss baked potatoes and green beans without the rest of us.

Amen, this is pretty much what I was shouting at my TV. I think they were deliberately taunting us.

Is anyone going to remember that GhostCassie and FakeCassie were two different entities? Will Sharin' think those hallucinations of GhostCassie were FakeCassie all along?

I think that might be a little complicated for these writers.

[peach]

Thur Apr 24  Lunch In Genoa City

 

Colin and Jill are hanging in the park.  They look good.  They talk about having a lunch date with Cane & Lily and the kids.  She tells him if he blows it, it will be his last chance with them.  The fate of no one rests on this.

 

Lily is tense and bitchy in her kitchen, because she’s so worried about what could happen if they let Colin in their lives.  Maybe they could ask Nick what happens when you let your conniving father in your life.  Cane promises that if Colin crosses the line at all, he’ll be out of there.  Is this what today is going to be about?  Ugh. 

 

Hey, it’s Kelly at the gym.  That’s a little better.  The cherry paneled gym always makes me laugh.  In walks Jack.  Kelly says she was going to call him to apologize for running out on him.  “But you didn’t call,” says Jack.  She stammers a bit, and he says it’s okay, the dinner redux invitation is off the table so she doesn’t have to worry about turning him down.  Wasn’t this like a day ago?  Kelly smiles but looks disappointed.

 

Chelsea talks to Connor about how brave he is, and I have to agree, since he’s the most important baby in Genoa City, and everyone insists on telling him all their problems.  Kevin’s at the door. It’s about Chloe.

 

Chloe and Billy walk into the coffee shop.  They have just visited Delia’s grave together.  God forbid they show us any kind of touching scene there; we just get to hear about it.  They talk about how much Delia loved flowers, and reminisce about Easters with her.  Billy is very sweet to Chloe.  Why can’t they be a couple? 

 

Victoria and Stitch are walking in the park, talking about taking it slow, I guess by seeing each other every single freaking day.  Stitch says this is their very first real, REAL, date starting right now.  There are never any awkward run-ins in this park or anything.

 

Okay, new Kelly and Jack are super cute together.  I’m in.  Kelly pretends that she’s glad Jack canceled their dinner, saying things are bizarre between them to say the least.  Jack says Billy’s issues are his own problem.  He compliments the heck out of Kelly, which she is enjoying, but says being together makes her uncomfortable, and since chivalry isn’t dead, he tells her they should just say “see ya around.”  Well, Kelly doesn’t like that at all.

 

Stitch is a Neanderthal and yanks a flower out of the landscaping with  roots, dirt, and all.  Stitch like Victoria.  Stitch give flower.  What in the hell is she supposed to do with that, Stitch?  Victoria clutches it in her fist.  They’re like a pair of three year olds.  He says he’s glad she brought him a “fancy” dinner at the hospital.  “Even though we ran into Billy?” She talks about how things are awkward and intense and complicated with her right now.  Stitch doesn’t really care. He claims that all the pressure he’s putting on her is just casual because it’s just lunch.  Then they hear classical music out of nowhere, and it’s like a sign, you guys.  Music and flowers and dirt.

 

Billy and Chloe reminisce about the crazy old days, and the crazy new ones.  They joke about Chloe slashing the dress at the fashion show.  Seriously, these two are perfect together.    Chloe claims she’s working out her friendship with Chelsea “despite the scissors and the slap.” Billy asks how it’s going with Kevin?  Chloe makes a face.

 

Kevin says he overheard Chelsea and Chloe at the fashion show when they were making up.  He says Chloe was better afterwards, because she saw light at the end of the tunnel.  He wants to make sure that light is not an oncoming train, and asks if she meant all the forgiveness stuff.  Chelsea’s offended, but Kevin says he legally has to look out for Chloe, and also because she matters to him.  Chelsea says she meant it (and she also meant that she wants Chloe to get help).  Kevin says ok, well I also have to ask you if you’re going to allow her to see Connor.  Chelsea says, “No way in hell.”

 

Billy says he knows things are weird for Chloe having Kevin as a guardian.  Chloe changes the subject.  Billy says she seems like herself again.  They talk about healing.

 

Kevin says he’s looking for clarification from Chelsea.  Really?  You need “no way in hell” clarified?  Chelsea says that until Chloe gets help and seriously better she won’t drop the restraining order.  Doing so would make her a terrible mother.  She says once Chloe gets real help and truly knows the difference between Connor and Delia, they can all be together, but not until then.  Kevin apologizes for being harsh, and says he’s glad Chloe can depend on Chelsea.  Chelsea says Chloe has Kevin too.  Kevin’s like yeaaaaah.  Poor Kev.

 

Jack’s in the dining room at the GCAC.  Kelly walks in.  I feel like Ted Knight in Caddyshack…”don’t you people have HOMES?”  Jack’s lunch date rescheduled so now he needs a new one…and Kelly joins him with a smile.  See what they did there?  It’s not dinner, it’s lunch.  ;)

 

Ugh, Lily and Cane.  They act like they invited lepers for lunch.  Lily introduces Colin as their grandfather, but I think she might have thrown up in her mouth.  Colin charms the children.  They ask why he hasn’t been around if he’s their grandfather.  He says he and Cane talk funny because they’re from Australia and that’s where he’s been, but he’s back now.  He gives them some stuffed koalas, and Cane looks like he’s getting a root canal.  Time to eat!

 

Victoria and Stitch eat hot dogs.  Blahblah keep it casual blah on a real date blah blah real date blah real.

 

Kelly and Jack are totally in to each other at their lunch.  She says she still feels so bad about what she did.  Jack builds her up and says she did a great job at the fashion show.  Kelly says it felt great.

 

Billy shows up at Chelsea’s.  Why??  Kevin is thinking the same thing.  He leaves because no one wants to be around Billy and Chelsea.  Including Chelsea.  She says if he came to kiss her again, get out.

 

Jill chats with Cane and Lily about the kids.  They watch Colin play with the kids. He asks if he can take a photo, and they say yes.

Jack and Kelly are having a lovely time.  Her cell phone ring tone is Vivaldi.  Jack is happy to tell her that Jabot is sponsoring a concert of Vivaldi’s Four Seasons this VERY DAY.  RIGHT IN THE PARK.  She would love to go with him, of course.

 

Victoria tells Stitch that he knows way too much about her and she knows almost nothing about him, and his marriage.  She asks him what went wrong.  Stitch obviously doesn’t think this is Real Date talk.

 

Kevin walks in to the coffee shop to see Chloe.  She thanks him for letting her go to the cemetery on her own (with Billy).  He says he won’t push anymore because he gets it after overhearing her at the fashion show, that without Connor and Chelsea in her life she would have Nothing.  Chloe says, “but you weren’t supposed to hear that.”  Well, that makes it MUCH better, Chloe.  She says that’s not what she meant, and he says yes, it is.  Chloe says Kevin means so much to her but it’s not about romance to her.  Or if she will ever be ready for that.  He says you will, but not with me.    She says she feels awful hurting him.  Kevin says he won’t back out on her or their arrangement and let her go to a psych ward (because he’s a standup guy, who knew?) but the rest of it is not an issue anymore.  And he walks away.  Oh, Kevin.

 

Victoria says she understands people drifting apart.  Stitch says it wasn’t drifting, it was more abrupt than that.  She says if he ever wants to talk about it…and then…and then…she has to puke up park hot dogs in the trash can.  Gosh, what ever could THAT mean? Stitch is like, yiiikes.

 

Colin says Cane’s done a great job raising the kids, and also how suited he is to running the club and fashion shows.  They talk about how Victor offered him the CEO job for Newman/Chancellor.  Jill’s like, oh yeah, THAT job (that I don’t have).  Cane says he hasn’t said yes or no, because the job comes with conditions, such as finding out who set up Bonaventure.  Jill says she and Jack were hoping Bonaventure would bite Victor in the butt and apparently it has.  Cane’s like, yeah, well it bit ME in the butt.  And he doesn’t  think it’s Victor’s fault.  Jill gets pretty intense about how if Cane takes the job it will make him beholden to Victor and all the nefarious shit that will happen if he does.  Cane’s like, GMAFB, if he offered YOU the job, you’d take it.  And so on.  Cane says he’s going to find out about Bonaventure for his OWN sake and whoever it was is going to get what’s coming to them.  Colin’s like, hmmm.

 

Colin goes out to the car to get some bubbles for the kids.  Jill asks what they think.  Lily says well, it hasn’t been alarming.  Jill says Colin’s the greatest thing ever, and then we see Colin on the phone outside saying “Change of plans.  We need to meet right away!”

 

Victoria is embarrassed about being sick.  Stitch says he’s a doctor and if she can’t barf in front of him, who CAN she barf in front of?  He says he doesn’t feel a fever.  She says, “Can you feel my shame?”  Ha.  He gets her some water.

 

Oh, I forgot, Connor cried earlier, which was a major emergency, so now Billy and Chelsea are in the steamed up GIGANTIC bathroom to help Connor breathe, and of course both of them are totally necessary for this process.  Oh my goodness, it’s SO WARM.  They need to take their shirts off.  Chelsea leans back in her tank top like this is another Hardee’s commercial.  If only my husband and I knew these were such opportunities when our kids had croup back in the day.

 

Kelly and Jack had the best damn time at the Vivaldi concert.  Jack can’t carry a tune in a bucket, but he can FEEL it, you guys.  He feels things.  And kisses Kelly.   Woo hoo!

 

Til Tomorrow…

[peacheslatour]

Stellar, peach!  Absolutely stellar!

[Snaporaz]

 

Is anyone going to remember that GhostCassie and FakeCassie were two different entities?  Will Sharin' think those hallucinations of GhostCassie were FakeCassie all along?

When FakeCassie first started appearing, Sharon mentioned to somebody (her therapist, maybe?) about how different these visions were from GhostCassie.  She said that GhostCassie was, well, like Cassie...sweet, understanding, compassionate, while FakeCassie was harsh and mean.  So before the ECT she may have been able to put it together.  Although, now that she fried her brain, I don't think she remembers any of the hallucinations at all, (the real ones or the FakeCassie non-hallucinations).  She only knows about them because Nick told her she was having hallucinations.

Edited April 25, 2014 by Snaporaz

[Joimiaroxeu]

Kelly and Jack are totally in to each other at their lunch. She says she still feels so bad about what she did. Jack builds her up and says she did a great job at the fashion show. Kelly says it felt great.

The whole time I was watching them I was wondering how you break up with somebody in a coma. Is there an etiquette rule for that? I'm thinking a simple text should suffice.

“Change of plans. We need to meet right away!”

Cue the arrival of the notorious Aussie cattle mafia in GC. Anybody taking bets on how long it'll be before the twins are kidnapped? Next up, more Lily screeching and Cane chest-beating.

[canucktvwatcher]

The whole time I was watching them I was wondering how you break up with somebody in a coma. Is there an etiquette rule for that? I'm thinking a simple text should suffice.

Cue the arrival of the notorious Aussie cattle mafia in GC. Anybody taking bets on how long it'll be before the twins are kidnapped? Next up, more Lily screeching and Cane chest-beating.

Well, of COURSE Nana Von Flatjacks will awaken once these two get together, and this will inevitably lead to Auntie Jackie, Lady Who Lunches, being in a triangle with NuKelly and NuPhyllis! Jackie will be stuck in a sl with the two newbies, and will have to suffer through the ire of his family, because a) he hooked up with Kelly, and b) that he dumped Phyllis while she was comatosed. Dude can't win.

You're absolutely right about the Moofia arriving and wreaking havoc. Bobby Scorps (Coloncleanse Assby) will not be able to pay his debt, and Princess Lil and Junior Dingo will have to swing into action. Which should be boring to watch. Those two characters are boring as hell anymore, and Lil has one mode lately: bitchy. Oh, wait. TWO modes: bitchy, and judgy. And Purseholder Cane is also beyond useless. All he does is leer at his wife, make half-assed romantic gestures, and take his shirt off while sucking in his gut. Once again, Colin will be wasted as a character, and we'll have to suffer the indignity of more CK/DG scenes. Blah!

[miamama]

They talk about having a lunch date with Cane & Lily and the kids.  She tells him if he blows it, it will be his last chance with them.  The fate of no one rests on this.

Chelsea talks to Connor about how brave he is, and I have to agree, since he’s the most important baby in Genoa City, and everyone insists on telling him all their problems.

Stitch is a Neanderthal and yanks a flower out of the landscaping with  roots, dirt, and all.  Stitch like Victoria.  Stitch give flower.  What in the hell is she supposed to do with that, Stitch?  Victoria clutches it in her fist.  They’re like a pair of three year olds.

Oh, I forgot, Connor cried earlier, which was a major emergency, so now Billy and Chelsea are in the steamed up GIGANTIC bathroom to help Connor breathe, and of course both of them are totally necessary for this process.  Oh my goodness, it’s SO WARM.  They need to take their shirts off.  Chelsea leans back in her tank top like this is another Hardee’s commercial.  If only my husband and I knew these were such opportunities when our kids had croup back in the day.

 

Quoted for brilliance.

[Joimiaroxeu]

I'm still holding out hope that somehow Ian is Sharon's bio father.

Oh, no, I don't want to see that. Sharon get mindfcuked enough by the Newmans without bringing a professional manipulator like Ian into her life. Sharon could use a break, IMO.

[LeftPhalange]

 

Cue the arrival of the notorious Aussie cattle mafia in GC. Anybody taking bets on how long it'll be before the twins are kidnapped? Next up, more Lily screeching and Cane chest-beating.

 

I want Lily and Cane to be murdered SO BAD. I might want them to die more than I want Sharin to be thrown in a volcano. Maybe.

[canucktvwatcher]

Oh, no, I don't want to see that. Sharon get mindfcuked enough by the Newmans without bringing a professional manipulator like Ian into her life. Sharon could use a break, IMO.

Indeed. Plus, I would like to think that Ian Ward, as a figurative moustache twirling villain, would have better taste than to choose Battleship Doorass, Sharin's Ma. Old Ironsides is a shrew, and I think she would have talked Ian into hibernation (maybe this is why he needed psychobabble) during pillow talk, what with her bullshit and judginess. The woman had not a kind word for her daughter, no fucks to give, and absolutely zero forgiveness in her heart for Sharin. She's a terrible character! Keep it classy, Doris!

I want Lily and Cane to be murdered SO BAD. I might want them to die more than I want Sharin to be thrown in a volcano. Maybe.

I can't stand them either, but DAMN, that's harsh! Edited April 25, 2014 by canucktvwatcher

[SweePea59]

... Once again, Colin will be wasted as a character, ...

I think the most wasted character award should go to Noah. (No, not Neil. Not that kind of wasted.)

[peach]

Fri Apr 25  No Means Yes in Genoa City

Lily tells Jill to keep her eyes open with Colin.  Blah blah.  Jill wonders why it’s taking Colin so long outside.  She opens the door and catches him ending his phone conversation setting up a meeting.

 

Devon’s at the club.  He gets a text from Esmerelda, but he seems very ugh about it.  Hilary walks up wearing workout gear. They eye each other.  Cut to Neil pumping iron in the gym, because he’s a big strong leading man, and he has a flashback to kissing Hilary.  It’s totally breaking his concentration.  This is going to be a boring episode, y’all.

 

Noah runs into Summer at the coffee shop.  Blah blah about how she’s helping out at Jabot but doesn’t know what she wants to do with herself.  She misses Phyllis, and complains about how it’s Kelly there instead, always lending a hand, especially to her dad.  She walks off. 

 

Jack and Kelly finish their kiss in the park.  Kelly says that was surprising.  Jack says maybe he owes her an  apology.

 

Devon and Hilary talk about how she looked in her dress and how he caught her in her skivvies in the office the other day.  He asks her how Neil is doing since the Leslie thing.  She gets very defensive, like why would SHE know anything about Neil?  She changes the subject to Esmerelda, and Devon says the fashion show is getting her lots of bookings.  Ha.  The conversation goes like this:
Hilary:  You must be very proud.
Devon:  Yeah, I am.
Hilary:  I’m glad.
Devon:  I’m glad that you’re glad.
Yep, still boring.  Hilary takes her leave and goes to the gym.  Do you really have to walk through the dining room to get to the gym?  Gross.  Devon looks displeased at how that went.

 

Colin tries to cover for the phone conversation.  “I’m sick of chasing after some mystery music box for some fortune that probably doesn’t exist.”  From your lips to God’s ear, Colin.  He tells Jill the phone call was to his banker because he wants to set up trust funds for the kids.  JILL ACCEPTS THIS.  Never underestimate the power of denial.

 

Lily is not in denial.  She’s doing a TSA pat-down on the stuffed koala bears.  She says Colin’s being good, though, maybe too good.  He comes back in and tells her he understands it will take some time for  her to trust him after all his mistakes.  Blah boring blah.  Jill wants to go visit Lauren at the boutique at GCAC.  Lily asks Cane if he thinks his father has changed or not. He laughs.

 

Hilary walks in the gym and literally stumbles over Neil.  She stammers and says she has to leave.  Neil tells her to stop trying to run away from him.  Do what you're told, Hilary.

 

Kelly tells Jack not to apologize for the kiss because her lips were in on it too.  He blames it on the concert.  They blab about Italian composers in a way that I guess is supposed to be hot, and she says the kiss was molto belli or something, and he says, “does that translate into I saw fireworks, it was that good?”  Geez, Jack, I know Phyllis has been in a coma for a while, but friggin calm down!  Now that Kelly has turned into a sophisticated intellectual overnight, he’s lost his damn mind over this chick.  Of course, Summer happens by.  She does NOT look happy as she watches them from across the way.  Jack says he’s working on being more spontaneous, and Kelly says you don’t WORK on being spontaneous…you just let it happen.  Hubba hubba.  Summer runs off.

 

Lily thinks Colin is up to some scam and Jill’s going to end up brokenhearted.  Cane says Jill is tough, but Lily says Jill only acts tough.  But Colin’s DNA is irresistible because look at her and Cane.  Barf.  It gets barfier, and then Cane says he hopes Colin doesn’t hurt Jill, and Lily says he could because it’s obvious that Jill is very much in love with him.

 

Jill and Colin get to the GCAC and she asks if this is where he’s meeting the banker about the trust fund.  Right.  Because meeting in a bank would just be weird.  He wants to get a room, youknowwhatImean?, but she can’t because she came to check out the boutique.  But not before a big, passionate kiss…rent the room, she says after all, and I’ll meet you there later.

 

Neil is getting frustrated that Hilary won’t discuss the [sexual harassment at work] kiss at the fashion show, like two mature adults.  As if there are two mature adults in this whole town.  Hilary’s all, hey, you were reeling from Leslie, and the kiss was just an adrenaline rush.  AN ADRENALINE RUSH?? .  It was more like a melatonin rush.  Which I am having right now.  He’s like it was a lot more than that. Hilary says, “You’re confusing proximity with intimacy.”  She goes on for a bit about how this attraction wouldn’t have happened if not for their night watching basketball while stranded in Oklahoma.  “Really?” Neil breathes as he moves in for his hypnotic close talking technique, which is pretty creepy when it’s your boss.  Yeah, “really,” says Hilary, and she leaves.  Neil frowns, throws down his workout glove, you guys, and chases after her.

 

Noah’s on the phone with Courtney, telling her he’s going to have his whole apartment painted so they can spend another night at the hotel.  Summer comes running in the door.  She tells Noah she just saw Jack and Kelly in the park, and they were TOGETHER, and they were TALKING and they were SMILING.  She says they were acting like more than friends.  Noah says, “and you don’t like that?”  Summer frowns.

 

Jack wants to be spontaneous talking about their first kiss.  I guess he’s planning on a second one.  He says, how about an old movie quote:  “They stood there and kissed for the last time, and she said…” and Kelly breaks in, “If you lose me, know that I loved you and wanted to go on loving you.”  That’s… a really weird quote to use.  “Wow,” Jack breathes, “she’s a Hitchcock fan.”  Like he’s about to CRY over it.  Jack has been really lonely, y’all.  Now they’re both about to cry over movie quotes from Vertigo.  That didn’t really have a happy ending, did it?  Vertigo and Vivaldi, it all has to mean something, right?  Like, that’s stronger than coma promises.  Kelly says, “I just think when someone or something speaks to you, you just have to let yourself fall headlong into adoration, don’t you think?”  WHO TALKS LIKE THIS?   They talk a lot about Vertigo and it’s too odd to even relate here.  Kelly finally decides to leave and get back to work, even though their whole worlds have been rocked by the concert and this conversation.  This must be what it was like for Leslie and Dr. Barton Shelby.  Kelly chokes back tears and says thanks for the concert, and “it was fun.”  Off she goes.  Oh, it ends with a smile because Jack does a bad Jimmy Stewart impression.

 

Kelly shows up at Lily’s.  Lily notices Kelly’s great mood, and wants to know who she went to the concert with.  Kelly doesn’t want to say, natch, because it’s nothing and going nowhere.  But Lily wisely says, but you want it to be something.

 

Jill runs into Jack at the bar.  They chat about Billy, the engagement party, how Victor might not be 100% evil, and  how Jill is in a mood to give pretty much everyone the benefit of the doubt these days.  She asks how Jack is doing, and he is doing GREAT.

 

Noah and Summer have an annoying conversation where she tries to overanalyze the doings of Jack and Kelly.  It’s worse than you think, Summer, they both like Vertigo.  Summer says maybe she’s expecting the impossible from Jack, to keep waiting for Phyllis to get better and come back.  “Maybe he’s just stopped believing,” she says.  Maybe Phyllis wasn’t all that great to begin with, is all I’m saying.

 

Colin has his meetup in the park.  He tells the guy he’s hit a snag, and also he’s sorry the diamond thing didn’t work out because of Lily and the doll, and this deal isn’t working out either.  He says, you mean that chick you’re milking?  Colin snaps at him to show some respect for his wife, and he’s like, omg, you fell for her??  Sorry I’m a little vague on this character, because I always used to FF through these people.

 

Cane and Devon pump iron at the gym and chat about girls.  Devon is kind of over Esmerelda because she’s a stupid model with no sense of humor who “only reads shiny books with lots of pictures in them.” (This is funny since Cane is married to a stupid model with no sense of humor.)  Also, she’s twice his size.  Maybe he should have waited to buy her a Lamborghini.  Devon wants a woman of substance, with her own career, who doesn’t want his money, who’s independent, who’s beautiful…and Cane’s like, so you mean Hilary.

 

Neil barges in on Hilary, and she says if it doesn’t concern work, she isn’t on the clock.  Well, Neil isn’t leaving until they get something straight.  Because Neil doesn’t take no for an answer.  I think it would be fun if Hilary hired Leslie to sue Neil.  Neil keeps on insisting they have a spark.  Hilary says she was just trying to convince Neil that he was better off without Leslie.  “You were right,” says Neil.  Uh-oh, he’s moving in slow.  Hilary escapes again.  She tells Neil she’s glad Leslie set him free so he can find someone.  He’s like who? She says it’s like basketball and you have to watch out for those rebounds.  Well, Neil is too smart for rebounds, Hilary.  He knows when something feels real, like how he knew how forever real it was with Leslie a week ago, dammit!  He doesn’t kiss random women, he says.  Um, no, they probably don’t let you get close enough.  She tells him he just reached out because he was hurting.  Not Neil, he’s special.  He’s moving in again.  He didn’t reach out to just ANYONE, he reached out to her.  He swoops in for the kiss, and this time she kisses him back.  Yuck.

 

Devon tells Cane he’s probably crazy for wanting Hilary after what she tried to do to his family.  Cane thinks Lily would agree.  Devon says what do you think, and Cane’s like who cares, do whatever.  Devon thinks he’s too late because Hilary brushed him off and says she’s not interested in being with anyone right now, and Hilary’s direct like that.  Cane’s like, you can’t listen to a female!  No means yes, she wants to be courted.  Devon says do people still use that word?  Nick and Sharon do, so go for it.  Cane says he uses it because women want to be pursued and seduced and wanted.  Cane says he’s an expert because he’s married.  Cane needs to be punched in the throat.

 

Kelly’s mooning over this guy with Lily.  She tells Lily it’s complicated , and Lily’s like, oh please, it’s always complicated.  Don’t give up before you even get started.  Kelly says he is pretty special.

 

Jill asks Jack if he’s ready to forgive himself…for being alive.  Jill says she thought she could live without love, but now there’s Colin, love passion blahblah.  She says Colin makes her feel alive, her heart pounds, etc and Jack is all TMI!!  She says Jack is where she used to be, just existing, telling himself he doesn’t need love in his life.  But he does of course, and then she says, so how’s Phyllis?  Well, Phyllis isn’t good, Jill.  She tells him it’s time to entertain the possibility that Phyllis isn’t ever going to get better.  

 

Colin tells Bad Guy that his marriage is none of his business.  He says the treasure hunt is over (please, let this part be true!),  and claims he has other more profitable plans. Bad guy says but you have no more time.  Colin says that he needs more time, and unfortunately he’s butt dialing Jill, and she is taking that call.  “You will get your money,” she hears him say.  Bad Guy says, “You said you were only getting married to get some fortune that apparently doesn’t exist.  Now you’re asking for more patience while you come up with a new plan.”  Colin says to leave his marriage out of it and to tell his people they will more than recoup their investment.  Bad Guy warns him that he knows what will happen if he doesn’t come through.  Jill looks more concerned than pissed off. 

 

Summer is whining about how she needs to grow up.  Noah gives her terrible advice about how Jack could go on loving Phyllis forever even while she is comatose in another state.  They have forever love, so Summer should stop this growing up nonsense and keep having unrealistic expectations about life.   Sexy times in the hotel suite with Courtney may have colored Noah’s perspective a little bit.

 

Kelly runs into Jack in the bar again.  Blah flirt blah.

 

Devon and Cane keep working out.  Devon explains his history with Hilary which is basically that he thought there was something there, but then she caught him in the steam room with Esmerelda, plus he thought she was macking on Jack, so nothing really worked out.  Devon says what he feels for Hilary isn’t love and it isn’t lust. Cane asks what is it?  He doesn’t know. Omg, this show is killing my brain cells.  It’s LIKE, Devon.  Not just like, but you know, like like.  Are you stupid or something?  Cane says he’ll never find out unless he goes for it.

 

Meanwhile, upstairs, Neil is totally going for it.  Hilary breaks away.  She’s like, LOOK, this is a classic rebound no matter what he says, and she’s not going to break the number one rule in the HR handbook.  Well, actually, Neil is breaking it.  She continues saying they can’t do this while he creeps in on her again.  She pushes him away again, and says they are stepping back from the kissing, it ends now, and she opens the door for him to leave.  He just stares at her…so she slams the door and RUNS across the room into his arms and they start passionately kissing again.  Because it’s totally like Cane said, bitches mean yes when they say no.  This show sucks.

 

Jill is waiting for Colin.  She says this is going to be very painful…for him.  He shows up and she asks him how the meeting with the banker went.  He lies, and she smiles, and he says let’s forget about the hotel and just go home for a quiet, romantic evening.  She says that’s a much better idea and promises him a night he will never forget.

 

Cane pulled a muscle showing off at the gym, so Lily is massaging his shoulder while he tells her about Devon trying to get the courage to ask out a certain girl.  Lily says Kelly’s interested in a certain guy, so she gave her a little push.  Boring talk, and then they start making out on the couch.

 

Summer calls the hospital and asks the nurse to put the phone up to her mom’s ear.  She tells her she misses her and that she and Jack cannot wait for her to get better and come home to them.

 

Jack is asking Kelly on a real date, and can clearly wait for Phyllis to get better.

 

Hilary and Neil are tearing each other’s clothes off.  Devon is standing outside the door with his hand poised to knock.  And this terrible episode is finally OVER.

Edited April 27, 2014 by peach

[Joimiaroxeu]

Devon looks displeased at how that went.

It's odd to me how Devon is so intimidated by Hilary. It's not as if she's a foot taller than him like somebody esme, uh, else we know.

 

Do what you're told, Hilary.

IKR? Is that crap supposed to be romantic? I hope this isn't leading to some 50 shades b.s. like they did on B&B.

 

Geez, Jack, I know Phyllis has been in a coma for a while, but friggin calm down!  Now that Kelly has turned into a sophisticated intellectual overnight, he’s lost his damn mind over this chick.

Sigh, Jack always goes into 5th gear right off the bat. He'll probably be proposing to Kelly in a month or so.

 

Neil breathes as he moves in for his hypnotic close talking technique, which is pretty creepy when it’s your boss.

Exactly. Neil should know better.

 

This must be what it was like for Leslie and Dr. Barton Shelby.

Hah! Except I'm not convinced the good doctor actually exists. That name couldn't sound more fake.

 

Maybe Phyllis wasn’t all that great to begin with, is all I’m saying.

And maybe guilt doesn't keep Jack warm in his bed at night, nahmtalkinbout?

 

Well, Neil isn’t leaving until they get something straight. 

Like about six inches, nahmtalkinbout? (Meh, it's probably more like three.)

 

Cane needs to be punched in the throat.

Aim lower. Much lower.

[peach]

Hah! Except I'm not convinced the good doctor actually exists. That name couldn't sound more fake.

 

 

Aim lower. Much lower.

Maybe the good doctor is a Nigerian prince.

 

Cane really needs to be punched all over.  After your comment the other day about Neil needing a punch in the throat (and some Midol), I decided maybe every day one character needs to be nominated for the throat punch.  But it has to be for the most horrifyingly annoying person, not the "worst" person.  Otherwise it would just be Victor most days.