Explain it to Me Like I'm Lily: Recaps for the Disenchanted

[radishcake]

I've heard tell of some recappers of renown who like to tell a story that we want to hear! Feel free to recap away! 

[peach]

I am not one of the recappers of reknown, but I thought I'd take a stab at it.  It's not fanfic, just a snarky recap.

MON APRIL 14

Victor shouts at a henchman to find Fake Cassie.  “You GOT it?  She’s a LOOSE CANNON.”

Fake Cassie eavesdrops on Nick and Sharon in the park.  She’s artfully disguised wearing a black hoodie with all her red hair spilling out.  Sharon tells Nick it’s GREAT she went cray and hallucinated because now [they’re back together] she’s  getting the help she needs.  Fake Cassie is conflicted. 

Neil hypnotizes Hilary with a really boring speech about going in….ever…so…slowly…for a kiss.  It’s really…slow.  She’s too numb to resist.  He is interrupted by Chloe and Chelsea screaming in the distance.  Cut to the catfight.  They are wrested apart from each other by Jack, Kevin, and Lily until Neil can calm these ladies down.  Bitches be crazy!  Chelsea at least manages to remind everyone that Chloe once passed off Delia as Cane’s daughter.  See, the writers HAVE seen this show!  Kelly and Abby also arrive.  Abby finds it hilarious. 

Uh-oh…The Forresters have shown up during this embarrassing mess.   Rick is quite the dandy, and Caroline’s either had a few drinks on the way or thinks she’s in a school play.  Kelly takes them away and Abby tags along but not before introducing herself as THE Abby Newman.  Chloe and Chelsea are taken to their respective corners for a break in destroying their careers, while Lily makes it all about her.  Hilary stumbles in, clearly in a daze from Neil’s boring kiss, looking physically ill.  She’s lost a lot of life points.

At Victoria’s house, Stitch fakes a sore neck so he can get a massage.  Stitch asks for another date by calling Vickie on her cell phone while in the same room.  It’s really [stupid] charming.  Victor drops by.  It’s AWKWARD. 

Sharon is still happy about how being crazy made her life work out great.  They kiss.  Fake Cassie runs off and collides with Noah.  She slips gently to the ground making contact with nothing.  He tries to help her but she runs away.  Sharon recaps to Noah how each one of the Newmans specifically hate her, but she seems to think it’s kind of amusing.  It’s awesome.

Lily’s now freaking out that Lauren left the show.  THE Abby Newman volunteers herself as a replacement.  Chloe cannot believe Chelsea is mad at her.  Kevin tries to talk sense into her. This proves impossible.  He begs her to salvage the friendship, but Chloe overhears  The Forresters offering Chelsea a line under their label.  Chelsea says Chloe doesn’t have to know.  BUT SHE DOES KNOW! 

Stitch leaves, and Victoria admits she misses Billy a whole lot so she’s taking her mind off it with “other things.”  Victor totally gets that means Stitch.  You can’t get anything by Victor Newman.  Nick drops by, because he finally stopped slobbering over Sharon long enough to remember his nephew’s birthday.  Victor invites them to an engagement party for Abby and Tyler, even though it’s a big mistake.  But, new and improved Victor tells his two kids that they are all adults and can make mistakes if they want to.  Nick tests this philosophy by saying he is bringing Sharon as his date.

Stitch finds Fake Cassie on a park bench nursing her gaping wound she got falling down on nothing.  She says she got it “running away from nosy strangers.”  Ha.  Stitch can’t take a hint.  He thinks she needs a tetanus shot and offers to take her to the hospital, even though she doesn’t have medical insurance.  He says she doesn’t really need it to go the ER.  He’s kind of new to this doctor thing.

Neil hypnotizes Hilary some more with really slow close-talking.  Her eyelids are getting heavier. (I am not making this up!)  But before he can slooooowly go in for another kiss, Lily shows up and gets even more pissed about how everyone is ruining her life.

Opal from AMC is now the stage manager at the fashion show, which she has to explain to Chloe and Chelsea for some reason.  She scolds them like children for acting like idiots and ruining everything with their shenanigans, and they better get it together or she’s kicking them out.  It’s very unclear who is the actual boss of whom around here.  This is all it takes for Chloe and Chelsea to giggle like children and start having fun again, because old ladies!  Amiright?  Sybil/Chloe switches personalities and apologizes to Chelsea for “acting like a crazy woman who locks herself in an attic and tries to burn everything down,” which is, like, really specific… and she really wants to be friends again.  Chelsea says let’s just do the fashion show, okay?  Well, it’s NOT OKAY.  Kevin tells her Chelsea will come around, and Chloe promises “no shenanigans” when clearly the glint in her eye is allll about the shenanigans.  Does the GCAC have an attic??

THE Abby Newman can’t find Tyler who is supposed to be picking up a photographer from the airport. She’s in the fashion show now, and Tyler isn’t answering his phone.  She leaves an insane runon msg asking him questions that he can’t answer because it’s VOICE MAIL.  But she’s ABBY NEWMAN.

Summer hears Jack and Kelly talking about their lousy dinner at the GCAC last night.  Summer starts pouting, because Phyllis.  Kelly stammered her way off screen, and Jack lied that Phyllis is like the most important person ever.
Sharon talks to Noah back at the cottage.   She asks him what he knows about her talking to Fake Cassie.  He tells her she had some kind of secret, but he thinks it was about not taking her meds.  Sharon shrugs it off, because, after all, she’s  done so much crazy shit it could be anything, really!   (I  laughed out loud.)  Sharon is so zen now. Apparently electro shock treatment is the greatest thing ever.  I wish I felt that good.

Fake Cassie is in the ER with Stitch.  NO WAITING, even without insurance.  I’m moving to Genoa City.  She puts Jane Doe on her forms, telling Stitch, “my mother had a wonderful sense of humor!”  He asks if she’s in trouble, and she finds herself vaguely spilling her guts about how she causes trouble, and then catches herself!  OMG, she was telling Stitch everything!  What is wrong with her?  She tells him he wouldn’t understand anything about causing destruction.  He winces.  Stitch tells her she wants to tell him.  She must not have anyone to talk to.  Stitch is a better psychiatrist than Dr Mead.

Nick tells his family that if he’s with Sharon they all have to deal with it.  Way to leave an out for yourself, Nick, IF you’re with Sharon.  Victor swallows everything he stands for and says that’s fine, and leaves, probably so he can go scream in his car.  Victoria wants to diss Nick over Sharon but says she takes her ex back all the time, so she should probably shut up.  Nick then tries to tell her she could take him back AGAIN.  Because love.

Sharon tells Noah this is the first time NOTHING has ever stood between her and Nick.   An anvil falls on her head.

Stitch goes to get the tetanus  shot for Fake Cassie because Memorial doesn’t have any nurses, and runs into Victor. HE’S RIGHT IN THE HALLWAY!  Fake Cassie listens.  Victor gives Stitch a “don’t hurt my daughter” speech.

Lily keeps yelling at Hilary.  She’s barely conscious after being hypnotized by Neil and doesn’t even fight back.  She tells Lily she must be nervous, so Lily yells at her for that, too.  Give her some Viva Surge, Lily!!

The Forresters’ show was spectacular!  So they say.  We see none of it.  Now it’s time for Jabot.  Opal/stage manager tells all unnecessary people to LEAVE.  Jack asks Kelly if Opal knows who’s signing the checks??  But he leaves with Kelly, and Summer NOTICES!  Then Opal makes a huge tactical error and tells KEVIN he’s also unnecessary for the show, not knowing he’s the anti-shenanigans officer, and  he also leaves.  Oops.

Chloe rushes to help Chelsea who finds out that the final, ultimate, AMAZING dress for  the show is, gasp, STILL IN THE GARMENT BAG!  The DRESS.  Is IN. The GARMENT BAG!!!!   Chloe promises to take care of it for her, and Chelsea rushes off.  And Sybil/Chloe grabs some scissors and gleefully starts cutting up the dress!  SHENANIGANS!! And she didn’t even take it out of the garment bag!

Until Tomorrow….

Edited April 17, 2014 by peach

[peach]

Thanks!  :)  I had fun doing it.  Much more fun than doing laundry!

[crosby777]

LOL this was great.. You are hilarious peach and have such a way with words.

[Suby]

That is awesome peach!  Unfortunately to appreciate the full hilarity, it requires paying attention to the show, something I just can't do.

I also LOVE Victor screaming in his car.  He looked cross-eyed on the phone yesterday.

[marshmallow]

That was a great recap Peach!  You just might make watching Y&R entertaining!  Bravo!

Sybil/Chloe was cracking me up.

Edited April 15, 2014 by marshmallow

[peacheslatour]

Yay!  We have a new nickname- Sybil/Chloe!!  That was great peach, thanks for all the lols.

[pearlite]

Sharon is still happy about how being crazy made her life work out great. 

Yes! You  caught the flavour of this perfectly!

I think I heard the Looney Tunes theme song just then. Or maybe I was just channel-switching between this timeless material and Dr. Phil.

Seriously, folks, ZenSharon?

 

[miamama]

Peach: best. recap. ever.

[Evanscody]

Loved it Peach! Encore!!!

[Snaporaz]

Oh my gods.  That made watching the show totally worth it!

BUT...I must play editor here...

 

But she’s ABBY NEWMAN.

You mean "THE" Abby Newman.  Please.

[peach]

Oh my gods.  That made watching the show totally worth it!

BUT...I must play editor here...

You mean "THE" Abby Newman.  Please.

Fair point.  In that moment, I was imagining her becoming the new Victor.  He's VICTOR NEWMAN.  She's ABBY NEWMAN.  You GOT THAT?

[peach]

Lol.  Well, I work on Tuesday nights, so it was late before I could even watch the show.  But I'm getting it in here before midnight!  Dedication!  lol  Especially when it was such a downer of an episode.

Tue April 15

Jill and Colin are flirting and kissing with Colin promising to love Jill like a madman, which is probably accurate.  Lauren and Michael are worrying and weepy in a doctor’s office.  Neil continues acting just plain weird. 

Tyler shows up.  He tells Neil he talked to Leslie and found out about her quickie wedding.  Neil moves in for some strangely aggressive close talking about how some people, they just go from the gut, and the fallout be damned.  Not guys like Neil who’ve been married four times.  Tyler’s all whatever.

Hilary seems to have revived since yesterday and is with sarcastic Lily going over last minute details of the show that never begins or ends.  Lily asks “what kind of operation do you think I’m running here?”  Hilary says “one that’s based on spite and grudges.”  Lily then demonstrates this when the hard core stage manager shows up and gets on their case for being late.  Lily’s all, oh no you di’nt., Lily can do what she wants.  But Opal’s not putting up with any shenanigans from these two, either.

Jill and Colin flirt and kiss some more.  She finally invites Colin to share her bedroom.  He’s down with that until she gets a phone call about some boring music box stuff.

Tyler gives important instructions to the photographer to take high resolution photos of the dresses.  Duh, Tyler.    What would Jabot do without you?  THE Abby Newman makes her entrance in an ugly white gown that Tyler thinks must be a wedding dress, but, not it’s for the show. But she’s SO BEAUTIFUL, blahblah Tyler-Abby love talk.  Hilary and Lily squabble some more.  Neil shows up and tells them they are both SO BEAUTIFUL.  Lily leaves, Neil and Hilary boringly discuss their boring kiss. 

Chelsea retrieves the secretly damaged dress that’s STILL in the garment bag to give it to whiny Esmerelda…we hear her scream, NO! while Chelsea  smiles a crazy half-smile.  Chelsea freaks out and asks Chloe WHY????  And Chloe says, “I finally get credit for something!”  Wait, I think you got the credit for kidnapping a baby recently, yes?  There is much consternation all around, and Neil asks if Chelsea can fix the dress while they stall, but, “people are getting restless out there.”  I’m sure a riot is going to break out if they don’t see Chelsea’s dresses and soon.

Jill and Colin discuss the music box mystery and something about how there are two Rachels now, and they’re unconnected.  Honestly, an extra dose of Adderall couldn’t get me to pay attention to this story.  Jill says, “this has all been a colossal waste of time.”  NO SHIT!  Blahblahblah and even Jill is bored to death with this and tries to get Colin to go to the bedroom with her.

Lauren worries some more, and Michael is way more patient about it than any man I know.  Doctor comes in, and…commercial!  FF, and the doctor tells her she’s not pregnant.  Lauren thinks she lost the baby, and the doctor is like, NO, you were NEVER pregnant, [old lady]! So now she’s upset about that.

Back to Jill and Colin discussing whether they should talk about the music box or have sex.  These people. 

NEIL is stalling at the fashion show by giving a speech to the audience.  Can you imagine?  I think he’s doing that group stage hypnosis.  Kevin is talking to Chloe in the office about how she went off the rails.  Chelsea, meanwhile has fixed the dress, and the show can finally go on!  And…it’s 30 seconds long.  Much ado about nothing.  I can’t believe I’m saying this but the only one who can really stomp a runway is Lily.  Esmerelda Is approximately three times the size of a regular runway model.  In fact, it looks like she ate Kate Moss.  Of course, Chelsea made the dress even better, even with a hemline that people were wearing at least three years ago, and everyone loves everything, because Chelsea is the greatest.  Kevin and Chloe are sad in the office.  And Kevin actually gives a fantastic performance being compassionate to her and explaining how what they are doing is not working to heal her, and that it was mistake for him to marry her, as like, a cure.

Everyone fawns all over Chelsea because she’s the greatest.  Devon and Neil fawn all over Hilary because she did her job.  She looks like she’s going to throw up again.  Get her away from these people!!  If she has to choose between Devon and Neil, I hope she picks Jack Abbott.

Back to sad Kevin and Chloe, where she chooses to constantly, purposely misinterpret what he says, while he weeps and  gently tries to tell her that she needs help that he can’t give her.  Chelsea comes in, Kevin leaves so they can talk. 

Lauren and Michael continue their own sad, weepy conversation at home in their bedroom.  Now she’s crying because she’s NOT having a baby.  I think she needs antidepressants.  Michael alludes to the fact that she hasn’t been well lately.

Jill and Colin gush love talk all over each other.  The best part is them agreeing that they share being selfish and greedy.  Then Colin pulls out wedding rings he just so happens to have in his pocket.  Come on, Jill, WAKE UP!  She runs off to get some champagne.

Lauren weeps.  MIchael comforts.

Chelsea begs Chloe to tell her why she sabotage the dress.  They have a weepy conversation about Chloe’s grief and rage and inappropriate coping skills like kidnapping babies and poor use of scissors.  Chelsea tells Chloe even with all the accolades she still feels all alone because Chloe is so messed up, and she has to find a way to get fixed.

Lily asks Devon if he’s noticed something weird about dad.  See, it wasn’t my imagination, Neil is totally acting weird! Devon tells Lily about Leslie.  Omg, you guys, she is SO MAD at Leslie right now. She promises to butt into that situation ASAP.  Hilary tells Neil she can’t go to the reception because, um…her feet hurt.  Yeah, that’s it.

Chloe weeps and says she needs to get better, and then cuts Kevin’s eavesdropping heart out when she tells Chelsea that she has absolutely NOTHING without Chelsea.  NOTHING.  Chelsea and Chloe hug and weep.

One last shot of Lauren weeping in the darkness.

Colin takes a phone call with someone he owes a lot of money to, telling the guy he needs more time because of a substantial distraction…but not to worry because he’s “convinced his wife will lead us to the old girl’s money.”  And of course his wife just heard that because she’s standing in the doorway with a bottle of champagne she’s probably going to clobber him over the head with. At least she isn’t weeping.

[miamama]

Peach, you are a master. I can't bring myself to watch the show lately but your recaps!!! Brilliant. Thank you!!

[Snaporaz]

Somebody took their Viva Surge, and mixed it with Victor's tequila!  Peach, these are just genius.  If only the actual show was even close to this entertaining.  Here's to hoping you have lots of chores you're trying to avoid!

[glowlights]

Esmerelda Is approximately three times the size of a regular runway model.  In fact, it looks like she ate Kate Moss.

Thank god you said it, peach. I was afraid I'd get stampeded. Why on god's green earth does Y&R insist on casting actresses for the roles of models who are totally not model material, or the wrong kind of model? Consistently. Every time. Don't get me started on Cricket again... must. not. get. started.

Please keep these recaps coming! Many thumbs up.

[peach]

  Here's to hoping you have lots of chores you're trying to avoid!

Always!

Esmerelda Is approximately three times the size of a regular runway model.  In fact, it looks like she ate Kate Moss.

Thank god you said it, peach. I was afraid I'd get stampeded. Why on god's green earth does Y&R insist on casting actresses for the roles of models who are totally not model material, or the wrong kind of model? Consistently. Every time. Don't get me started on Cricket again... must. not. get. started.

Please keep these recaps coming! Many thumbs up.

Hey, I'm not saying runway models SHOULD be stick thin, but in real life, they are.  Esmerelda has zero qualities of a runway model.  As much as I hate Lily, she is built like one, and she has authentic superior bitch face to go with it.  So I guess she's good at something.

[peacheslatour]

Peach, will you pleases start re-capping Bate Motel, too?  Pretty please with sugar and a cherry on top?

Edited April 16, 2014 by peacheslatour

[peach]

Today had a lot more going on than people weeping in various rooms, so my recap is getting way too long.  Maybe I'm just in a good mood.  Here's the first half.  Hope it isn't too long. I'll get back to it later.

Wed Apr 16 PART ONE

Cane and Lily are drinking champagne in her/everyone’s office celebrating the end of the godawful fashion show.  Lily thanks Cane for sending her a gigantic bouquet of flowers, and Cane says he wishes he had sent them.  So she reads the card, duh , and whatever it says just pisses her right the hell off, and she throws the card in the trash.  The nerve of someone!!!

We pick up with Colin’s shifty phone call, and he tries to pass it off like it didn’t happen.  Jill isn’t having it.  She starts grilling him about the call, and all of a sudden he REALLY wants to get to that bedroom.  Oh, saved by the bell!  Billy’s at the door with Johnny.  “What the hell’s he still doing here?” grumbles Billy.  This time his pouty voice works for the occasion.  “Dodging my questions,” says Jill.

Kelly, Summer and Jack talk about how awesome the fashion show was.  Wow, Kelly’s a lot shorter today.  ;)  Jack and Kelly talka bout having a do-over dinner.  Summer grimaces.

Leslie arrives at Avery’s, where Avery wants her opinion on what apron she should wear.  Definitely not that one, Avery.  Leslie tells Avery to sit down because she has news Avery isn’t  going to like, and it’s not her opinion of that apron.

Creepy music plays at the coffee shop because..dun dun dun…a dapper Ian Ward is there to surprise Dylan.

Colin and Jill explain to Billy that they were just renewing their vows.  Whaaat?  That’s what that insipid scene was supposed to be yesterday?  Aren’t you newlyweds? Billy’s got that mouth half open, confused frown look he gets, and this time it’s totally warranted.  Johnny’s eating a sucker and eyeing them like, you people are nuts. 

Noah collides with Caroline Spencer Forrester at the GCAC.  They introduce each other and talk about he doesn’t get to LA much or have anything to do with the fashion show.  Noah says he’s proudly unemployed, because he stood up for what he believed in. ( Good God, does anyone work at The Underground??)  With this info, Caroline Spencer Forrester says she’d really love to hear that story, but suddenly realizes she needs to talk to Jack about the show. 

Jack’s on the phone telling someone the orders are pouring in.  Caroline says they are in the same boat, and “who knew Wisconsin was such a fashion mecca?”  I hope this is to humor the viewers.  If so, it’s humorous.  Jack introduces Summer and Carolline fawns all over her modeling work.  She promises Jack they aren’t stealing Summer and hopes he doesn’t think they are stealing Chelsea.  Jack says he approves the deal and thinks it’s fab.  Omg, Jack says he’s considering making this show an annual event.  NOOOOO!!!!

Avery grabs Leslie’s hand when she sees the wedding ring.  Of course she thinks Leslie ran off and married Neil.  PSYCH!  Leslie tells her she married Dr. Barton Shelby whom she met online. So…he’s probably not even a doctor, right?  Avery is like…HUH???  She asks Leslie how she could do this to Neil.  Leslie’s like Neil Schmeil, he’s no Dr. Barton Shelby.  Avery says this makes absolutely no sense to her, and Leslie reminds her she just recently jilted Nick at the altar.  Avery is shocked that she would make any such comparison!  Because that’s not the same AT ALL.  Anyway, Leslie doesn’t have time for this because her bad news is about Ian Ward, not Dr. Barton Shelby, who I hope is not an 80 yr old man with a name like that.

Cut to Ian Ward himself telling Dylan his trial ended in a mistrial, and he’s free.  Wait, when did they have a trial?  Wasn’t his attorney busy getting married in Vegas?  WHAT IS GOING ON?  That’s sure what Dylan wants to know.  Ian is proud to say the trial wasn’t even IN Genoa City, it was in Madison, where the Newmans have no influence.  That shit stops at the county line, apparently.  Somehow Victor has influence in Paris, France when getting a kidnapped baby back, but not in MADISON, WI , buddy.

Summer and Jack have a touchy feely conversation about how great it would have been if Jack had always known she was his daughter, and she’d grown up with the Abbotts.  He basically says John Abbott would have been a way better grandpa than Victor Newman.  Summer does mention that Victor bought her a horse.  Summer wants to know all about John now.

Leslie explains to Avery how Ian got a mistrial.  No one explains how his trial was already going on in the first place.  Leslie discovered a juror had a son who had been in Ian’s cult, which she hid from them, because she secretly wanted revenge on Ian.  She says she had no choice but to move for a mistrial. Avery says well, ya had a choice about representing a slime ball.  Avery, of course, only represents innocent people in Innocence Projects and bakes pies.  Oh, snap, Leslie just threw Daisy Carter in Avery’s face.  That’s the second time today she’s called her out on her Hypocrisy with a capital H.  Leslie must be a pretty good lawyer.

Now Leslie is making it worse by saying maybe this will work out for the best and Dylan and Ian can come to some kind of “understanding” with each other if Ian’s not in prison.  You’re going too far now, Leslie.  Avery says, “Dylan’s father is a monster, Leslie, period.  End of discussion.”  And Leslie gets soap opera I Have A Secret face.  Avery wants to know what Leslie isn’t telling her.  

Ian starts trying to work his cult magic on Dylan but he does not have the hypnotic mind control of Neil Winters.  He claims Leslie getting him off proves there’s two sides to the story.  Dylan is just getting mad.  Ian says he was doing Nikki a big ole favor by taking her money to leave town so she could be happy, and that Summer thought he was very helpful.  I guess he doesn’t know about Summer talking to cameras to get over the ordeal and making the rest of us uncomfortable in the process.  That’s on you, Ian Ward! 

Hey, I forgot about the flowers.  They were sent by Colin.  Omg, who cares?  Cane doesn’t.  He says it’s a nice note, but Lily isn’t falling for it. She doesn’t fall for stuff, you guys.  Actually, she gives a decent speech about what a manipulative creep Colin is and storms out.  Cane is all whaddayagonnado?  You know Jill paid for those flowers, right?  Lily needs to have a talk with her. 

Billy can’t shake the WTF face listening to Colin’s bullshit.  It’s hilarious. Finally Billy has an appropriate target.  Colin says Johnny should call him Gramps.  Billy says, no he should call you Stranger.  Billy tells Jill he sold the restaurant and works at Jabot.  He’s doing “temporary R&D” so now we have the answer to that question.  Billy tells Jill to be careful around gangster Colin, and leaves.  Jill doesn’t miss a beat and demands an answer about the phone call.

Billy shows up at Jack’s.  Jack spills it that Victoria and Stitch showed up at the club together. 

Kelly has a golfer’s tan.  She gives Summer a gift of chocolate for doing a good job.  Summer says “my mom” a lot.  Kelly gets the hint.

Ugh, Caroline Spencer Forrester is the B&B version of THE Abby Newman.  She tells Noah at the coffee shop that if she doesn’t tweet every other second then all her followers feel left out.  She says this in the most affected way possible.  Also, she lives in L.AAAAA.  Did you know she lives in LAAAA.  Go away, CSF.  Oh, good, she does!  Surprise, Courtney is there.   Noah invites her to Abby and Tyler’s engagement party, but she says no.

[Snaporaz]

 

Johnny’s eating a sucker and eyeing them like, you people are nuts.

Once again, Johnny wins the Best Actor of the Episode Award.

Peach, your recaps are like crack.  I was addicted the first time!  I only hope you have as much fun writing them as I do reading them! 

[peach]

Wed Apr 16 PART TWO

Jill and Colin argue about the phone call some more.  Colin REALLY wants to get to the bedroom.  Ding dong!  Someone's at the door AGAIN.  Uh-oh, it's Lily and Cane, and she's STILL wearing that red dress!  "What's it going to take to get you out of our lives?" she wants to know.  I think this could have been handled with a text.  Cane drops the bomb to Jill...Colin sent Lily flowers.  Colin says, oh that’s disgusting, and asks if the flowers were posing a danger to her.  BRAINSTORM!  He claims the phone call was about the florist.  Jill smirks.

Leslie tells Avery she can’t tell her privileged client info.  Then she calls her out AGAIN over ruining their reputations as top litigators by playing lady lawyer baking cupcakes on the internet.  Dang, Leslie takes no prisoners.  Avery can’t discuss it because she has to go warn Dylan about Ian Ward being out on the streets.

Dylan tells Ian he’s a lying liar who lies and wants money.  Ian says he himself is painfully honest and could “tell him things” that would rock his world but he doesn’t want to cause another PTSD episode.  Dylan looks like he’s thinking about having one now and killing him.
Courtney can’t go to the Newman party because everyone knows she’s a cop now.  Noah’s like nobody cares.  Seriously…no one does.  Summer comes in and looks sad.

Billy tells Jack he saw that opportunistic bastard Stitch on the couch with Victoria, and he wanted to beat the crap out of him right there.  Jack says it was a good idea he didn’t.  Well, yeah, obviously Stitch could kill him.  Ding dong!  Kelly’s at the door. Billy scowls. It’s not even your house, Billy!

Lily yells at Colin some more.  It gets tedious.  He spins a line about how he’s getting older and family is fragile and he wants to be a better person.  Jill talks about how terrible Colin is but God help her she has faith in him, because he’s changing. And he’s earned the privilege to be in the twins’ lives.  Omg, send her to Fairview with Chloe!  They all  put pressure on Lily to give in.  DON’T DO IT, LILY.  Forgive Hilary instead.

Billy yells at Kelly and tells her not to show up on his doorstep looking for him.   She’s all don’t flatter yourself, asshole, I’m here to see Jack.  Technically she’s on JACK’S doorstep, Billy.  You don’t even have a doorstep right now.

Ian starts tormenting Dylan about his “issues” and starts talking psychobabble about anger management techniques, and Avery interrupts them before Dylan can solve the Ian Ward problem for good.  Ian says he’s glad she’s there before Dylan does something he regrets. I really don’t think he’d regret it, Ian.  Avery is like GTFO, but he promises to be around indefinitely.  He leaves.  Dylan asks Avery what she thinks he’s up to.

Lily caves in but says Colin can never be alone with the children.  Jill is an IDIOT.  Lily and Cane leave.

Summer feels sad about Phyllis.

Kelly gives Jack his electronics that he left at the club.  Billy tries to take his foot out of his mouth, and then slinks off because he’s Mr Lonely Heart now.  Kelly sees a photo of Phyllis and tells Jack it’s all too awkward and cancels their future dinner.

NO ONE WEPT.  It was good day in Genoa City.

[peach]

Peach, will you pleases start re-capping Bate Motel, too?  Pretty please with sugar and a cherry on top?

I have never seen that show!  I wish I could make a living doing this.

 

 

Edited April 17, 2014 by peach

[miamama]

I have never seen that show!  I wish I could make a living doing this.

 

You have a gift. I can't even quote the bits I love in your recaps -- there are so many. :)

[canucktvwatcher]

Summer talking to the cameras and making the rest of us uncomfortable. Hahahahahhaha

Peach, you need to talk to Glark about getting some shares on this site. I have a reason to check every day now.

 

Going to the small talk thread

Any times Druggy McTumbles Dummer speaks to anyone, it's a chore to listen to and behold. Her character is beyond useless on the show right now, and has been for a while. Someone needs to give her a peanut butter sammich and a Viva Surge chaser.

[canucktvwatcher]

Son of a Blue Bellied Bitch, I need to see the B&B Crossover. From the sounds of it, however, it's diarrhea with a whipped cream topper. Which still makes it diarrhea.

I don't know that I can take any more Jack Dempsey Jaw propping. The last minute "Chelsea Saves The Day With Her Amazeen Sewin' Skills" sounds like a bit much.

Edited April 17, 2014 by canucktvwatcher

[canucktvwatcher]

I'm also laughing at Beach Party Bingo Billy making threatening overtures to Jock Itch, er, Stitch. He's been on that kick for a while now. Bitch, please! DT's Billy is like a buck five soaking wet, and Itch would eat his lunch in about five seconds flat. BM versus Stitch would have been a much more believable confrontation.

Three hits, Bill: Stitch hitting you, you hitting the ground, and the ambulance hitting a hundred!

[Joimiaroxeu]

Omg, Jack says he’s considering making this show an annual event.  NOOOOO!!!!

Bet anything he's going to name it after Phyllis.

Dr. Barton Shelby whom she met online. So…he’s probably not even a doctor, right?

Leslie probably got catfished and the guy's name is actually Ace Applebees.

Ian starts trying to work his cult magic on Dylan but he does not have the hypnotic mind control of Neil Winters. 

Maybe Ian should have leaned in and given Dylan a big fat wet smooch on the lips. Seems to work for Neil.

Courtney is there.   Noah invites her to Abby and Tyler’s engagement party, but she says no.

As a cop, Courtney probably gets antsy when she's in a room full of former felons (as the Newmans are). She can't help but worry which one she might have to draw down on and put under arrest. Would kind of put a damper on the happy occasion.

Once again, Johnny wins the Best Actor of the Episode Award.

The kid is a winnah!

DON’T DO IT, LILY.  Forgive Hilary instead.

I read an interesting comment elsewhere about how the entire extended group of Winters family and friends pretty much only exists to create agita for Lily. Eventually everything becomes about her. Think about it: Neil broke up with Ashley supposedly because he needed to devote more time to Lily during her medical crisis. Leslie and Tyler show up and immediately Tyler's going fatal attraction on Lily. Devon inherits a couple of billion and the best he can do is buy a business so he can give Lily a job. Hilary initially showed up to get revenge on Neil but it ultimately turned into her trying to destroy Lily. Whatever Colin is up to is probably going to turn out with Lily in the center of it because she must protect the byebees. Ugh, the infamous BSL has turned into All About Lily.

Billy yells at Kelly and tells her not to show up on his doorstep looking for him.

Cady looks fab but she also looks like she could be NuOldBilly's mommy. Are they going to retcon it that their affair was some kind of Mrs. Robinson cougar/cub action? Otherwise, I don't think their history is believable anymore.

[glowlights]

Is there a Daytime Emmy category for Best Child Actor? Because that little Johnny is fantastic. (I am not being sarcastic.) He's a total charmer and doesn't screw up his scenes with distracted behavior, and seems to know how to react to the other actor's lines. It's mesmerizing.

I would not mind if they let him do Billy's lines. David Tom is getting out-acted by a toddler.

[LeftPhalange]

 

Leslie tells Avery she can’t tell her privileged client info.  Then she calls her out AGAIN over ruining their reputations as top litigators by playing lady lawyer baking cupcakes on the internet.  Dang, Leslie takes no prisoners.

Leslie calling out Avery was my favorite part of the episode. 

[peacheslatour]

 

I have never seen that show!  I wish I could make a living doing this.

I think you could.  Jacob Clifton was hilarious on TWoP and your every bit as good as he is.

[crosby777]

Thanks Peach.. you are hilarious and your posts are the best thing about the show.

[peach]

Wow, today's episode seemed long!  Plus hockey playoffs are going on.  lol

Thurs Apr 17 PART ONE

Avery prepares for her cooking show.  Not only is she not wearing an apron, she’s wearing a white blouse.  She knocks lots of things over in lovable klutz fashion.  Dylan comes in, and Avery says she’s worried about him because he tossed and turned all night, due to Ian being back in town.

A hand knocks on Paul’s office door.  Is it Adam’s hand??  No, BIG DRAMATIC MUSIC (my kid actually looked up from the other room), it’s Ian Ward!  He gloats about being free and says he’s there to report a crime.

Victor and Nikki are at home.  Nikki looks smashing in a blue blouse that matches her eyes, but is clearly tense, and Victor asks if she’s worried he’s going “to start some sort of ruckus with the Abbotts” at the engagement party.  Who, Victor?  A ruckus?  Of course not.  It’s because Ian is back in town.

In another chapter of The Moodiest Girlfriend Ever, Tyler and Abby are rolling around in bed gasping for breath and laughing about the amazing time they just had.  Tyler says he was worried being engaged might take the spice out of things but instead it made things even better!  Abby rolls over sadly at this compliment, looking like she just got cut from the cheerleading squad.  Tyler asks her what’s wrong, and she rolls over and seriously asks, “Are we making a mistake??”  Seems like Tyler might be.

Nick comes to  check on Sharon.  She’s great, and says Nick must have been glad to sleep in his own bed last night. No, he wasn’t…because he can’t stop thinking about her. They stare in each other’s eyes.  They discuss telling Faith about them being a couple, because I’m sure Faith loves these biweekly conversations about the status of her parents’ relationships.  Nick says it’s like they’re starting over, and Sharon says that’s good, because he can court her.  “Prepare to be courted,” says Nick.  Hand to God, I did not make that up.  They are going on a date, y’all.  Tonight.  Yeah, going for a date night to the Newmans’ where everyone hates her sounds like a great idea, Nick.  Some courtship.

Nikki tells Victor that Dylan called and told her about the mistrial and that Ian’s in town.  She’s debating about calling Paul so he can force Ian to leave town.   Victor says he doesn’t need Paul Williams to make THAT happen.

Ian tells Paul someone broke in his room.  They didn’t steal anything but trashed the place, and he thinks the police were trying to send him a message.  Paul says, “Oh, we would do that in person.”  Ha.  Ian again says he “knows things” about Paul, blah blah, and then asks if the police weren’t sending him a message…then WHO WAS?  Ian probably did it. 

Avery frets over Dylan and Ian, and Leslie.  Dylan’s over it.  Then they waste several minutes of my life talking about her apron dilemma.  Paul calls and tells Dylan to come down to the station.  Dylan asks why, and Paul says, “I think you know why.”  So Dylan is going to get more questioning than Billy did for kidnapping Adam at gunpoint and basically killing him.

The producers show up at Avery’s, and Dylan takes off.  She changed out of the white blouse into a drapey beige sweater I would never wear in a kitchen.  The cameras roll…and Avery freezes like a deer in the headlights. 

Abby pouts and unbearably dramatizes about Tyler being previously engaged to what’s-her-name, and he just loves the chase, even though he JUST SAID THE OPPOSITE OF THAT.  Tyler tells her she’s just nervous about the big engagement party.  He shows her a gossip blog post about their engagement and says there’s no going back.  LOL  Famous last words.  I mean, a gossip blog, that seals it.

Cut to Mariah’s tattoo looking at the SAME blog post!  “IT’S OFFICIAL:  FORMER NAKED HEIRESS, HOT DESIGNER TO WED.”  Hand to God again, I did not make that up either.  We also see her feet.  She’s wearing shortie black boots.

Sharon is not down with date night at Nick’s dad’s house.  He says it’s Abby’s engagement party.  She says it sounds like a night with the Hatfields & McCoys, plus Abby hates her.  She says she should have asked her about it first, because she is not going.  Even crazy Sharon knows this is a bad idea. Get a clue, Nick.

Avery pretty much fumbles the whole cooking show.

Dylan goes to the police station thinking Paul has some information about Ian.  Paul asks if Dylan trashed the hotel room to send him a message to leave town.  Dylan says he’s not the messenger.  Paul suggests that if Ian has info about Dylan he might do anything to find it out.

Victor and Nikki argue about dealing with Ian.  Nikki wants him to let it go, and let Paul handle it.  Victor says, “Paul Williams? Are you kidding me?”  Look what good that’s done, Ian’s not even in jail.  He tells Nikki not to worry about Ian Ward any more.  She says she’s not worried about IAN, she’s scared of what Victor will do.  What good is a powerful husband if you don’t use him for anything, Nikki?

Abby is all happy again, saying “we” are freaking out over nothing!! Who’s “we,” Abby?  She starts babbling about the party, but mentions Tyler might get bombarded with questions.  “Like I’m not good enough for you??” he asks. “Wellll, you ARE marrying into two pretty intense families,” she says.  “Intense” obviously means “better” so now Tyler rolls away and looks like HE got cut from the cheerleading squad, while Abby babbles merrily away.  She finally notices and asks what’s wrong.  Now he says, “You’re right.  This is a BIG mistake.”  Omg, these two are perfect for each other.

Dang, this electric shock therapy made Sharon smarter!  She tells Nick she doesn’t want to be used, and that he just wants to throw her in Victor’s face to prove Victor can’t manipulate him like Adam.  She’s still smiling, though, because shock therapy made her happy, as well.  Nick’s like OUCH.  But he denies that and says he just wants to be with her, and she doesn’t have to go if she doesn’t want to.  Then he gushes about how she’s been in his life almost as long as they have, and they’re two halves of a whole, etc.  She says she’s never been good without him [not even when she was with his brother or his dad], and they passionately kiss.  Call me crazy, but I’m kind of a sucker for these two.

[peach]

Thurs Apr 17 PART TWO

The camera man with serious dimples calms Avery down and tells her she’s amazing and her pie was amazing because  his girlfriend made it for  him.  Like he better make it clear he has a girlfriend.  I guess the dimples cause a lot of problems.  This snaps Avery out of her funk, and they start rolling.  She’s doing great but gets a phone call in the middle of the shoot, so, in the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen, she says this soufflé is so easy you can field calls from the office while making it.  And takes a business call about a client while she cooks.  RME.  She hangs up and proceeds with the recipe even though no one knows what the ingredients are.

Dylan tells Paul that Ian CLAIMS to know a secret about him, but it’s just the oldest con in the book to string someone along.  Still Paul presses that Dylan might have searched the hotel room for info.  Dylan says no, even though he’d like to tear apart  more than his hotel room. Paul warns that if he does anything to Ian, he’ll be arrested.  I don’t know, what if Dylan takes him for a drive, shoots him, crashes him into a ravine, and leaves him in the car before it blows up?  Would that be okay?

Okay, now tripolar Abby is PISSED.  She says Tyler just spent 30 minutes telling her they should get married and now he says it’s a mistake???  Maybe he’s just exhausted, Abby.  He says he doesn’t want to be in the middle of any nasty Abbott-Newman dodgeball, because so far all they’ve done is torment  him with complete acceptance and a huge party.  He does want to get married, but without the drama of happiness and expensive gifts.   He suggests they elope immediately.  Right, eloping won’t cause any drama at all.  Abby looks like she just smelled something really, really bad.  This girl eats drama for breakfast.  Take away her DRAMA??  Are you INSANE???

Nikki tells Victor if he loves her he will prove it to her in a way that is foreign to him and walk away from the fight.  After a long pause he agrees.  They hug, and I kid you not, Nikki looks kind of disgusted!  Well what do you want, lady?  Then Victor says IF that SOB hurts anyone, he will find him.  Cut to Ian walking in the park.  With an evil grin he texts someone while heavy bad guy music plays in the background.  I like it.  Of course, the text goes to Nikki’s phone.  “The park is lovely.  We should have a heart to heart.”  But she doesn’t see it yet.  Good enough for me, go get’im, Victor.

Nick and Sharon get down to some serious courting, with loud, cheesy 80’s style rock music in the background.  I wasn’t paying attention, and honestly, I thought it was a Hardee’s commercial.  It’s NOT.

Abby takes the “you’re so silly” route to tell Tyler that he’s just letting the pressure get to him and they are not eloping.  Not in a million years, bro.  She brightly tells him he’s going to face the Abbotts and the Newmans and he’s going to love it.  She leaves to change, and he really looks like he’s going to vomit. (I really think there's a virus going around "Genoa City," and Lauren, Hilary, and Tyler have it.)

Avery finishes her cooking show and the producer and Dimples worship Avery and tell her "she’s perfect, just like her cake."  This must be a hash cake?

Dylan stops by Nikki’s to check on her.  She’s on her way out the door,, and she mentions that they’re having an engagement party for Abby tonight (and he’s not invited).  He just wanted to make sure she was okay, and she nicely tells him not to “handle it” and she can take care of herself.  Meanwhile, Ian is pacing in the park, and finally hears someone coming.  “I thought you were going to stand me up,” he says…but it’s not Nikki.  It’s VICTOR.

Tyler and Abby blahblah and she leaves.  He picks up his cell and calls TATTOO!  He says he has to see her.  It’s important.  Oh, Tyler.

Geez, is this episode still going?  Sharon and Nick have some pillow talk, and Sharon reconsiders going to the party.  Nick’s like let’s make out instead.

The cooking show people eat cake and tell Avery it’s even better than her key lime pie!  How is that even possible?!  Off they go.  Dylan fills in Avery on what happened with Paul, that someone sent a message to Ian.  Avery asks, “someone?”  Dylan says he hopes he gets it loud and clear.  Ohhh, snap, Dylan totally did it.

Victor lets Ian have it in low growly fashion.  Ian tries his mind games, but Victor growls, “You stop your BS psychobabble right now, okay?”  Ha.  He threatens him some more and ends with,  “You breathe the same air as any member of my family…it’ll be your last breath.  And you’ll never see it coming.”

The End, until tomorrow.

[Joimiaroxeu]

Tyler and Abby are rolling around in bed

OMG, that bed was ridiculous. It was like something left over from the Anne Rice Interview with the Vampire Louisiana Gothic furniture line sold at Sears. Because Sears has everything.

She says she’s never been good without him [not even when she was with his brother or his dad]

"Um, Victor, your sons do not do it like this."

And takes a business call about a client while she cooks.

And the call from from Alicia. Wonder if that was a shout-out to The Good Wife. CBS is doing a lot of cross-promotion lately.

Take away her DRAMA??  Are you INSANE???

Take away her one and only chance to put on a long white dress and walk down a church aisle? I'm surprised she isn't at least on marriage #2 by now. And again, I have to wonder how Victor's going to be there to give her away because whenever he enters a church I expect him to be struck by lightning.

Thanks for doing these. I FF through certain things (like the Shick softpornfest) and your recaps keep me laughingly informed.

[peach]

OMG, that bed was ridiculous. It was like something left over from the Anne Rice Interview with the Vampire Louisiana Gothic furniture line sold at Sears. Because Sears has everything.

That's hilarious!

 

Take away her one and only chance to put on a long white dress and walk down a church aisle? I'm surprised she isn't at least on marriage #2 by now. And again, I have to wonder how Victor's going to be there to give her away because whenever he enters a church I expect him to be struck by lightning.

THE Abby Newman does not elope.

[glowlights]

Glad I'm not the only one juggling Y&R and hockey playoffs! (It's a full time job.)

"Paul Williams? Are you kidding me?" I had to hit pause. Truer words were never spoken.

All that talk of eloping got my hopes up way too high. Elope, and never come back. Mariah could go with them, I'm tired of just looking at her wrist.

[Snaporaz]

 

tripolar Abby

Excellent diagnosis, Dr. Peach!

 

I don’t know, what if Dylan takes him for a drive, shoots him, crashes him into a ravine, and leaves him in the car before it blows up?  Would that be okay?

Considering the monstrously monstrous evil that Ian eviled forty years ago, yes.

 

And the call from from Alicia. Wonder if that was a shout-out to The Good Wife. CBS is doing a lot of cross-promotion lately.

Good call!  I didn't catch that, because my mind kept contemplating "chocolate soufflé cake".  *salivating*

[peach]

Fri Apr 18
Sharon has second thoughts about going to the party.  She’s wearing a bright red lace dress so I’m sure she won’t stand out or anything. 

Victoria shows up looking fantastic in a pretty, yellow Grecian sort of dress while Nikki gets things ready.  Vic is the only character who ever looks like she could be a fashion designer lately.  She tentatively asks if Billy is coming.

Chelsea stares at Adam’s death certificate.  Jeffrey and Michael show up at her door.

Tyler and Leslie have a drink at the club.  She says he’s come a long way from tagging buildings to marrying into the 1%.  He acts like this is a burden while Leslie says Mariah was never good enough for him and thank God that’s over.  Tyler frowns.  Abby bounces up and asks where he disappeared to earlier.

Ashley arrives at Jack’s.  Yay, Ashley!  Billy says he’s not going to the party and Jack, Tracey and Ashley convince him he should.

Leslie tells Abby she isn’t bringing Barton to the party because it would be uncomfortable and not a great way to introduce him.  She thinks Abby must think she’s a hypocrite but Abby thinks it’s all super fab that Leslie followed her heart.

Ok, now Sharon’s not having second thoughts about the party.  She shows a scrapbook to Nick and we get a flashback of Cassie as a kid asking Nick if she can call him Daddy. O.M.G, Nick and Sharon look like children.  I feel 110 now.  It’s really sweet, I have to admit.  Anyway somehow this means Sharon feels like she’s really part of the Newman family or something and she’s going to the party.  Um, Sharon you’re related to everyone three times over.  Being "part of the family" isn't the problem.

Summer, Courtney, and Noah show up at the party.  Summer’s black and red floral dress is cute, Courtney’s not so much.  Summer tells Nikki that Courtney is a cop, and Courtney’s all like, why did you tell her, I’m not here for that.  But Summer says when the Abbotts and Newmans are together anything can happen, so I guess Courtney’s not as off –duty as she thought she was.

The Abbotts arrive.  Jack says Victor is like Bela Lugosi.  Hahaha, Victor laughs. Billy comes in last.  Awk-ward.  Victor says he hoped Billyboy wouldn’t show up, but Ashley chides him and they all come in.  Billy and Victoria awkwardly chat.  Jack and Victor cordially chat.

Michael is aggravated because Jeffrey lied that Chelsea had actually asked for Michael to come to help her with Adam’s affairs.  Rocket scientist Chelsea eventually figures out that Jeffrey is interested in Adam’s estate.

Abby and Ashley act like total bitches around poor kid Tyler, bragging about all the A-listers Ashely knows like Brangelina, the Clintons, and Buffett.  That’s WARREN Buffett, Tyler, you rube.  He asks Ashley what it’s like knowing a kajillionaire, and she pauses, and says you know it’s kind of the same as being married to one, and Ashley and Abby bitch laugh,  A ha ha ha.  Ah ha ha ha.  Tyler is not having a good time.

Jack notices Tyler is nervous, and Leslie has to make it extra clear to all of us how HIGH up these families are, I mean, they are high.  High enough to get a nosebleed, she says.  Well, then why isn’t Brange at this party?  That would be a lot  more interesting.  And why can’t they influence trials in Madison, WI?  And why do they all live in $300,000 houses? 

Tracy and Abby blather about something, and Tyler thanks Victor for the party.  Victor tells Tyler he’s very serious about happiness.  Lol  AND, Nick and Sharon arrive, and Victor suppresses foaming rage.  This can’t be healthy for him. 

Abby confronts Nick with “are you kidding me?” for bringing Sharon.  For one thing, NICK, Abby says this is about her engagement and it’s her day and you’re upstaging her, which is a fair point.  Nick says he doesn’t care what anyone thinks, including the actual guest of honor, obviously.  Because Nick’s sensitive like that.  Because love.  Victoria and Billy stare at each other, and he looks like he really wants that ice cream and his mommy won’t buy it for him.

Chelsea is disgusted by Jeffrey, especially over him taking Adam’s suits, and even Michael is grossed out by that.  He leaves, but asks Michael to call him later to tell him what’s up.  Why would he do that?    Michael and Chelsea discuss her conflicting feelings about Adam and his life of lies.

Abby and Nikki bond.  Oh, now it’s time for toasts.  Ashley starts talking about true love or something, blah blah, and it gets to Victoria and she leaves out the front door.  Billy follows.  They are sad in the driveway, and then they passionately  kiss.  Victoria breaks away and says she has to go home.  And does.

Victor stresses the importance of lots and lots of forgiveness in marriage.

Michael tells Chelsea that he can handle the estate for her, because trial attorneys often handle billionaire estate law, and billionaires rarely already have that taken care of.  They talk about Victor being supportive of her because his priorities are in order. 

Abby tells Victor he’s the best father ever.  Tracy and Summer blahblahblah about her life path.  Courtney sympathizes with Tyler about how intimidating the super rich Newmans are.  Stupid bitches Ashley and Abby celebrate over how her toast got to [tortured] Victoria and Billy and they both left.  Ashley crosses her fingers that it’s a good sign.  Ummm…

Billy follows Victoria home and says they have to talk about what happened.  Victoria says no talking, she wants to show him something and goes upstairs.

Jeffrey comes back to Chelsea’s so he can apologize.  She’s not interested.   Jeffrey insists he wants to be a better person and be there for Connor.  Who doesn’t in this town??  Chelsea doesn’t trust him.

Victoria comes downstairs in a hot little black dress.  Billy is pretty excited about it. THIS is what you wanted to show me?  He’s like, let’s go to dinner!  But she says no and won’t let him touch her.  He is understandably confused, and she tells him he will only hurt her again and she hates herself for loving him and has to prove to him it’s over.  This dress isn’t for him, it’s for her date with Stitch.  This seems…unnecessarily cruel. Even for Billy.  He tells her it will never be over between them even if she marries Stitch.  And leaves.

Victor tells Nikki he wonders where Victoria went with her no-good husband, and Nikki says they have to trust her.  “Like we trust our son to bring this pyromaniac with him.”  Hahaha!  Nikki’s says just try not to think about it.   Right.  The steam is building.  SERENITY NOW!  SERENITY NOW!  Nick tells his dad it’s a great party and like a new beginning for everyone.  Omg, how much do they expect him to take?  SERENITY NOW!

Jack brings up Bonaventure and Viva Surge because he’s a bad guest.  A fight starts brewing.  Nikki distracts everyone with cake.  Cake always works, I don’t care how rich you are.  Someone is spying through the window! 

Victoria confirms her date with Stitch on the phone.

Jeffrey pleads with Chelsea some more for another chance.  She gives in, and then he asks for cab money. She gets mad but gives him the money so he will leave.  Another knock, and she tears open the door, but it’s Billy.  Give him some cab money, too, Chelsea.

Nick goes out to the car to get Abby’s gift, leaving Sharon alone in the living room.  Victor strolls in.  The background music suggests this isn’t good. Nick is out in the driveway and sees someone at the window…she turns…and he can see for himself…it’s Fake Cassie!!  Nick is shocked…”omg, I’m bipolar!”

The End, until next week

[LeftPhalange]

 

Abby confronts Nick with “are you kidding me?” for bringing Sharon.  For one thing, NICK, Abby says this is about her engagement and it’s her day and you’re upstaging her, which is a fair point.  Nick says he doesn’t care what anyone thinks, including the actual guest of honor, obviously.  Because Nick’s sensitive like that.  Because love.

Nick and Sharin are both so ridiculous. Now that they're fucking again can they not bare to be apart for a few hours? Shouldn't keeping Abby's party drama free be more important than showing off his fuck buddy.

 

Victoria comes downstairs in a hot little black dress.  Billy is pretty excited about it. THIS is what you wanted to show me?  He’s like, let’s go to dinner!  But she says no and won’t let him touch her.  He is understandably confused, and she tells him he will only hurt her again and she hates herself for loving him and has to prove to him it’s over.  This dress isn’t for him, it’s for her date with Stitch.  This seems…unnecessarily cruel. Even for Billy.

Vikki needs to make up her damn mind. If she doesn't want to be with Billy anymore then stop kissing him. That little stunt with the dress was just seemed hateful.

[canucktvwatcher]

Moptoria has every right to be pissed at Beach Party Billy, but dammmmmmmn, it sounds like the woman is playing stone cold beyotch these days! As I get caught up on eps, I'm loving this sort of soapy goodness!

Does this mean, if Stitch and Victoria are getting together, we should rename this duo? Like Stitchtoria? Vitch? Mopitch? Mitch?

[peach]

Stitch and Victoria?  I really don't think you can beat "Sticky."

[SweePea59]

I'm also laughing at Beach Party Bingo Billy making threatening overtures to Jock Itch, er, Stitch. He's been on that kick for a while now. Bitch, please! DT's Billy is like a buck five soaking wet, and Itch would eat his lunch in about five seconds flat. BM versus Stitch would have been a much more believable confrontation.

Three hits, Bill: Stitch hitting you, you hitting the ground, and the ambulance hitting a hundred!

Ya know, back in the day, lunch was slang for cunnilingus. Seems fitting when talking about Jock Itch and DT Billy. It makes me think of that scene in Where's Poppa where Ruth Gorden is describing George Segal's penis size by sticking out her pinkie finger and delivering the classic line, "he's got a pecker this big"!

[pearlite]

Moptoria has every right to be pissed at Beach Party Billy,

 

Yes! I was just thinking Beach Blanket Billy-Boy. Except there's something kinda Frankenstein's monster [the Jack Pierce/Boris Karloff 1931 look] to DT's face--and I know I shouldn't stoop to that sort of comment, but the forehead and jaw just keep bringing Boris to mind. Well, since I'm down on this level, do the casting people for this show have a Karloff/Frankenstein thing? Remember the most recent Kyle?

[Joimiaroxeu]

Why would he do that? 

Yeah, I wondered about that too. I thought lawyer/client confidentiality would ethically prevent Micheal from discussing any of it with Jeffery. (Hah, MichaelBaldwin and ethics. It's a joke.) The only thing Jeff would be entitled to know is if he inherited anything from Adam's estate. That'd be interesting if he knows something's there for him because he helped Adam escape and his payoff was in the will. It'd have to be a fairly recent will, though, no?

Victor stresses the importance of lots and lots of forgiveness in marriage.

Especially if you abuse your spouses as much as he does. Whenever Victor gives advice about marriage, you should probably do the exact opposite.

Give him some cab money, too, Chelsea.

But before that, how about a nice glass of milk, a cookie, and bedtime story?

Nick goes out to the car to get Abby’s gift

I guess I'm not up on engagement party etiquette. Since when do you have to bring a gift to someone both for their engagement and later for their wedding? Gah, greedy much?

That little stunt with the dress was just seemed hateful.

ICAM, that was some cold ish, especially since she kind of led him on. Can't say he doesn't deserve it though.

[peach]

I guess I'm not up on engagement party etiquette. Since when do you have to bring a gift to someone both for their engagement and later for their wedding? Gah, greedy much?

Ah, it's only money.  They're kajillionaires!  <bitchy country club laugh>  And after all, it's for THE Abby Newman.  She's worth it! 

She looked a bit like Taylor Swift yesterday.  I will say she should be the only one allowed to wear the pink lipstick they insist on smearing on everyone.

[peacheslatour]

 

That'd be interesting if he knows something's there for him because he helped Adam escape and his payoff was in the will. It'd have to be a fairly recent will, though, no?

Maybe he's getting Adam's suits for him one at a time.

[peach]

Maybe he's getting Adam's suits for him one at a time.

That's a brilliant plan.

[Lisbeth]

Fri Apr 18

Nick is out in the driveway and sees someone at the window…she turns…and he can see for himself…it’s Fake Cassie!! 

Nick is shocked…

”omg, I’m bipolar!”

The End, until next week

This is perfect!

I can actually see dumbass Nick saying this to himself!

[canucktvwatcher]

Yes! I was just thinking Beach Blanket Billy-Boy. Except there's something kinda Frankenstein's monster [the Jack Pierce/Boris Karloff 1931 look] to DT's face--and I know I shouldn't stoop to that sort of comment, but the forehead and jaw just keep bringing Boris to mind. Well, since I'm down on this level, do the casting people for this show have a Karloff/Frankenstein thing? Remember the most recent Kyle?

Don't feel bad - if the show's serving it up, it's fair game! NuKyle looked like a TWILIGHT reject, but also like Frankenstein's monster from FRANKENSTEIN. Frankenkyle was about two neck bolts short of nailing that look. Boris Kyleoff. Dude had a jaw that looked like he could either unhinge that sumbitch and swallow small animals whole, or the way he was eyeing Phyllis for a while, make his jaw a place for Her Nastiness to sit. Christ, can you imagine him and Griftea going in for a hug, or worse, or kiss? Jaw injury would be imminent.

[canucktvwatcher]

Maybe he's getting Adam's suits for him one at a time.

Bwahahahaha! Love the snark!

Jeffrey Bathtowel/Birdsmell could be an EXCELLENT "in the shadows" proxy for Adumb.

COMPARATIVE EXAMPLE SPOILER ALERT:

They could make it like EDDIE AND THE CRUISERS (anyone remember this oldie but goody?), where the character of Doc was making everyone think that Eddie was still alive and tormenting them, in order to get the master tapes of the legendary unreleased album that everyone wanted? Then they show a bearded Eddie, presumably still alive, at the end?

END OF SPOILER

Have Jeff do the same thing, for financial gain...it would make sense! They've hobbled this idea, though, by showing what's implied to be Adumb, creating a trail to look like he's indeed dead.