S08.E10: Kathy And Elmira

[Tara Ariano]

A woman faces financial ruin after hoarding out her triplex and dance studio. Also: a woman's home is on the cusp of being condemned, forcing her family to intervene.

[Primetimer]

Kathy and Mira have to clean old wounds as well as cluttered houses.

Read the story

[Brooklynista]

"Don't let this neck brace fool you!"

 

I would have liked more back story into why Elmira didn't raise her own daughter and instead give her all into raising her step-daughter.  I guess that's not why we were there.

[spaceytraci1208]

One thing everyone involved in the experience at Mira's house learned, is that much like the Wu Tang Clan, Sue Ann ain't nothin to fuck wit LMAO! She was ready to cut somebody!

Edited February 22, 2016 by spaceytraci1208

[goodbyeglittergirl]

"Don't let this neck brace fool you!"

 

I would have liked more back story into why Elmira didn't raise her own daughter and instead give her all into raising her step-daughter.  I guess that's not why we were there.

 

Agreed - Mira said that the grandmother didn't want her, and I wanted the daughter to say "but why didn't YOU want me?" 

 

I am not sure that a simple apology will be enough to heal the wounds of Kathy's family. I felt very badly for them. 

[stillhere1900]

"Don't let this neck brace fool you!"

 

I would have liked more back story into why Elmira didn't raise her own daughter and instead give her all into raising her step-daughter.  I guess that's not why we were there.

 

I'm guessing it's because Elmira was trying to keep her man (stepdaughter's father)   He cheated on and left her for another woman anyway. Ha!

[zillabreeze]

 

Not confusing that Elmira, so concerned with appearance(s)

and yet sporting a mouthful of missing teeth???  The priorities of hoarders always amaze and astound.

[califred]

I was shocked by the nice clothes but lack of teeth.

Zazio had the peach clubbing shirt on again.

[LittleIggy]

Wonder what abuse Kathy doled out to end up with dissociative personality disorder? I know that diagnosis can be problematic, but it wasn't just one child saying he/she was abused.

[funky-rat]

I wondered how Kathy was with her students.  To be a successful dance instructor, either your students and their parents have to love you, or you have to have serious cred in the dance world.  I highly doubt she had the serious cred, so my guess is her students and their parents loved her.  It can be really hard to have a parent who is so kind and nice to some people, and then horrible to you behind the scenes.  Ask my husband how it feels to watch your mother be kind and loving to her clients (private home health aide), and have people speak the world about your abuser, like they're some sort of saint or something, and also have your mother tell those people just how horrible you are and how badly behaved you are, so when you see those people, they lecture you about giving your mother a hard time.  It sends really conflicting messages.  My husband was never diagnosed with anything like that (he has a revolving door of diagnoses that match the revolving door of his doctors, all of whom either retired, or quit, or were no longer covered by our insurance but the most recent diagnosis is PTSD, and treatment for it seems to have worked the best), but there are some things that he has no memory of, and he has memory gaps around traumatic events.  So while I have no proof, it would not shock me that this was the case in that household.  I also wonder if she turned her kids against each other.  My husband and his brother didn't speak for a long time because of their mother playing that game.

[funky-rat]

As for Mira, I can only imagine it had something to do with her family.  As recently as the 80's/early 90's (I graduated in the early 90's), families in the area where I grew up were still sending away their daughters who ended up pregnant in high school - as soon as they'd show even a tiny bit, they'd be gone.  We'd see kids disappear, and get an excuse as to where they were (studying abroad, religious mission work, they had a parent who worked at the university who was on sabbatical, etc).  Then they'd come back, with vague stories about where they were, and no one spoke of it again.  Considering her daughter appears to be my age-ish, I would assume she was born in the early/mid 70's, so perhaps her mother's family were the same?  They considered it an embarrassment, and didn't want to speak of it.  Perhaps they wanted her to give the baby away for adoption, or something similar, and Mira didn't want to do it, so the family insisted someone else raise her?  Just a thought.  Heck - I have family that had a baby very late in life, and they were embarrassed to have people think they would have a baby that late so they told everyone that the baby was their teenage daughter's baby.  It was an unspoken family thing - everyone knew, but we abided by their wishes and kept it quiet.
 

Perhaps Mira waited until she felt she was secure in her life before she wanted to bring her daughter back.  Who knows?  But I do feel her daughter deserves an explanation.  Not sure where Mira's sister gets her attitude from.  I don't know why, but I can't shake the feeling that Mira was raised to place a great deal of effort on keeping up appearances, and not just with the way she dressed.

 

[JudyObscure]

I think you guys are right about Mira denying Maria for "appearances."  I could not understand that at all, but 'not the husband's child,' sounds like a smart guess.  Mira still has a cruel streak to look Maria in the face and say so bluntly, "Your grandparents didn't want you."  Maria said she  wore the neck brace because she had tumors on her brain stem removed.  I sure hope she recovers completely and finds some happiness.

 

Is it wrong that I wanted to see Kathy make a Christmas tree out of those tutus?

[Dittohead]

 

Mira still has a cruel streak to look Maria in the face and say so bluntly, "Your grandparents didn't want you."

I couldn't agree more. That comment was absolutely cruel and so unnecessary.  I don't understand how a mother can possibly be so hurtful to her own daughter and I really hope Maria has some supportive friends and/or other family members who willingly give her love and acceptance.  Just common human decency seems to be beyond Mira's capabilities. Maria was no doubt better off not being raised by her.

[Reo]

I was abused as a baby by my mother, who was not enthusiastic about children (hated them) and who did not want to be a mother at all.  So she popped me out and proceeded to neglect and emotionally abuse me.  I did develop dissociative disorder, but not the DID (at least I don't think so....but who knows).   Here's the thing - basically you dissociate when reality is just too painful to be in.  Then you get stuck in a loop you can't break without help or awareness that you are doing it.

 

Over the years, as psychology has developed and changed, we've learned a lot about how personalities work.  EVERYONE has multiple personalities - different parts of us do different things.  For example, think about how you operate at work and how you parent - most likely you use a demeanor and language for both that don't cross.  We are one person with our co-workers, another with our friends, and another with our kids or parents.  We change and shift personalities as circumstances demand so effortlessly we don't even realize we are doing it.  People with DID have no control over the shift, and the personalities within them aren't really aware of each other.

 

Those 14 kids had a lot of tolerance and love for the mother that abused them.  I'm really curious about dad - you know there had to be one - but no one said a word about his presence in their lives.

[auntjess]

On ‎3‎/‎29‎/‎2016 at 0:28 PM, Reo said:

 I'm really curious about dad - you know there had to be one - but no one said a word about his presence in their lives.

Or, there could have been 14 of them.  What type of dance lessons did Kathy give?
I just saw this in repeat, and Kathy and Mira were neither a mother I'd want, but I think Kathiy was worse, and would have liked to see the kids turn against her.