S05.E13: Party Down

[ghoulina]

Here's what I think about Amber sleeping until 10. If Amber and Gary were married, living together, raising Leah together - I wouldn't care if Amber was the type to sleep late, and maybe Gary was an early riser and didn't mind getting up with her and letting mom sleep. We're all different, so whatever works. However, Matt is not her father. He's barely been in her life 5 minutes. She should have someone she is comfortable with getting up with her. Also, Amber hardly has time with Leah as it is, so you'd think she doesn't want to sleep the day away. 

[qtpye]

Not to mention Matt is a deadbeat dad who has been stalking women half his age on social media.  Amber does not know him very well at all.  I think Amber gives two shits about little Leah and is just crying about custody in order to make her look sympathetic to the audience.

 

Yeah, Big bad Gary is being so mean.  I imagine if Amber had Leah more, the day to day tedium of taking care of a child would drive her crazy.  I mean she would have to get off the couch at least once a day...

 

Of all the Teen Moms, Amber is the one who probably hates being a mom the most.  However, Leah is her pay check, so she has got to keep it going somehow.

Edited January 18, 2016 by qtpye

[leighroda]

I think this is the beginning of Leah being able to call Amber on her shit, and if Amber doesn't quit blaming Gary, and fix her own attitude Leah is not going to want her (Amber) involved in her life.

In a way, I'm proud of Leah for being able to say how she feels, I'm 33, and I still struggle with telling people how or why I feel something... I would never be able to say "mommy sleeps all the time" I would have either avoided the issue, or pretended to be sick if I were her age (but as I think of that, Amber took her to that nasty hotel when she was sick, so she may realize that doesn't work). I know lying probably shouldn't be a coping mechanism but as a child I was a huge people pleaser (ok let's be honest I still am) so I would have done anything to not hurt someone's feelings, even if it compromised what I wanted. My point is that I think it's good that Leah felt comfortable enough to tell Gary how she felt.

But on the other hand I think it's incredibly sad that she is already making these realizations about Amber, and she already recognizes that Amber doesn't play with her, sleeps a lot etc, she's not there for her.

I don't think Amber should have to go out of her way to make things fun all the time, it's ok for Leah to be bored sometimes, and realize that not everything has to be "fun"... But if Amber is the same as we see on the show it's no surprise that Leah is reluctant to hang out with her.

[ghoulina]

Honestly, part of me still DOES wonder if Gary is putting ideas in Leah's head. I am not fooled by Gary. I have his number. He strikes me as very passive aggressive, and someone that is shady behind the scenes and then tries to act all innocent. I would never excuse Amber's domestic violence, especially in front of her child. But....I do feel Gary intentionally tried to provoke Amber's temper. That dude is no peach, as far as I'm concerned. 

 

So, while I am not a huge Amber defender and I can see her sleeping in and passing a lot off on Matt, I'm not certain that Gary isn't hearing these little mentions and trying to build them up. I mean, here's the thing - is it all that much more fun at Gary's? He is morbidly obese. I doubt he's taking her out and running around the park. We've seen that his gf (I am momentarily drawing a blank on her name!) is fairly involved, but I'm assuming she works? As he doesn't. Plus, she was pregnant and then just had a baby. My point being, I don't know that time at Gary's house is all that much better than time at Amber's. 

 

I do remember that when Amber first got out of prison, Leah was always very excited to see her. She missed her and it seemed so fun to be able to have sleepovers at Mommy's. Now the novelty has worn off. And Matt's there, vying for her attention. I can see her being a bit let down, nothing excessive, and Gary trying to capitalize on it. I'm not saying Amber isn't at fault somewhat. She SHOULD be getting her lazy ass up the few days she has her kid and make sure that Leah is the priority. But I wouldn't be surprised if Shady Gary had his fingers in this pie as well. 

[leighroda]

I don't doubt at all that Gary is feeding whatever Leah feels about Amber, I'm sure he trashed Amber when Leah is around, and probably talking to Leah... I probably should have said that... But I don't necessarily think that Gary saying that is why Leah feels that way, if that makes sense. I think Amber probably doesn't make that much effort to play with/talk to Leah, I mean if she can't bring herself to do it when she is being filmed on national television, I can't imagine she is super mom when the cameras aren't around, and I think Leah picked up on it, perhaps she did hear Gary say that and she realized it's true, I really have no idea it's kinda what came first the chicken or the egg... Did Gary put Amber being lazy into Leah's head, or did Leah recognize it on her own. But at the end of the day it seems to be true that Amber lays around most of the time not really interacting with the world around her. But I do agree about Gary not helping the situation either way, he knows how to push Amber's butting and does not hesitate to use Aleah to do that.

ETA: I officially feel like I need to stay off these boards and get out of the house myself since my phone just autocorrected "Leah" to "Aleah"... Thanks a lot teen mom 2. I'm leaving the mistake for your enjoyment.

Edited January 18, 2016 by leighroda

[GreatKazu]

 

 

[GreatKazu]

while I am not a huge Amber defender and I can see her sleeping in and passing a lot off on Matt, I'm not certain that Gary isn't hearing these little mentions and trying to build them up. I mean, here's the thing - is it all that much more fun at Gary's? He is morbidly obese. I doubt he's taking her out and running around the park. We've seen that his gf (I am momentarily drawing a blank on her name!) is fairly involved, but I'm assuming she works? As he doesn't. Plus, she was pregnant and then just had a baby. My point being, I don't know that time at Gary's house is all that much better than time at Amber's.

It is possible Gary is asking Leah questions about her time at Amber's. He could be asking in such a simple way such as, "Did you enjoy your time at mommy's? He could also be doing what Kailyn Lowry does so well: interrogates the child. Although we also know that children that age are willing to divulge that sort of information to the other parent. We have watched Chelsea's daughter mention to her mom, without any prodding, how daddy has x amount of girlfriends and how it bothers her. Kids aren't always thought to have their own feelings, but they do. Leah could have easily heard the adults talk about her mother and Matt. She could have heard it from another adult home such as the grandparents.

 

Yeah, you can bet if my child had to go to another parent's house where they had a scummy ass live-in partner like Matt living there, and that supposed parent was leaving their parenting to that stranger, I'd be like the Enquirer. Inquiring minds want to know. Me to my child...Tell me what  goes down at that house!  I ain't gonna lie. If Gary is worried and asking questions, oh well. That is what happens when a parent who chose to give up her rights and brought in a stranger into her home will have to deal with until she gets it in her head that her scummy boyfriend is just one of many bad choices she is making and one of the reasons why she is being challenged. Being a parent is more than pushing a baby out of one's body. 

 

Amber is a tv figure who puts her life out there on every medium possible. Seriously, it doesn't take much to figure out that what goes on in Amber's life and her house which consists solely of sitting on the couch, being on social media and talking shit about Gary. That last part is particularly offensive to me because it affects Leah.  Amber has no problem yelling and cursing out Gary, calling him all kinds of names, talking crap about him on camera, and on social media.  It is known that a child who hears a parent talk smack about a child's parent, it eventually affects the child.  Attack a parent, you are essentially attacking the child as well. They are a part of each parent. And this is happening on camera. Imagine what goes down when the cameras are not there.  At least what Gary says about Amber on camera is the truth and it pertains to what Leah has told him.  Amber takes it to a whole other level. She is always slamming Gary, shaming him, calling him every name under the sun,  and making him out to be a bad parent. All of this is to deflect from her lack of accountability in her life. 

Edited January 18, 2016 by GreatKazu

[ginger90]

I've been involved in the dropping off and picking up of a grandchild from/to his father. Never ever did I watch him from a distance walk to the house and go inside. I accompanied the child to the house to AN ADULT. Did Amber or Matt know when they let Leah walk to the house by herself and go in the door, that anyone was even home? It made my blood boil.

 

I really hope there isn't anything bad going on with Matt and Leah but it is the first thing that comes to mind for me when she doesn't want to go there. With the new custody arrangement I wonder too if they are being tested. If not, they should be as part of it.

[SPLAIN]

So, while I am not a huge Amber defender and I can see her sleeping in and passing a lot off on Matt, I'm not certain that Gary isn't hearing these little mentions and trying to build them up. I mean, here's the thing - is it all that much more fun at Gary's? He is morbidly obese. I doubt he's taking her out and running around the park. We've seen that his gf (I am momentarily drawing a blank on her name!) is fairly involved, but I'm assuming she works? As he doesn't. Plus, she was pregnant and then just had a baby. My point being, I don't know that time at Gary's house is all that much better than time at Amber's. 

 

Regardless if it is more fun or not, Leah's home with Gary is just that, home.  It is where Leah is saying where she'd rather be. Leah's home life for the past few years now is where she has had safety, security, constant attention, love, a positive environment that is likely free of fighting, arguing and negativity.  Gary's wife also has a child from her previous marriage. Leah and her step-sibling must enjoy each other's company as they play together.  There is likely family functions or get-togethers on Gary's side of the family where Leah is around cousins and other children her age.  There are likely neighborhood kids that Leah interacts with from time to time. It can be enough of a contrast for her that she finds her time at Amber's is just not all that. Amber admits to sleeping in until 10 a.m. Leah is accustomed to waking up early because she goes to school. Waiting around three hours for her mother to wake up can be quite boring. Combine that with being around a strange man for three hours which can be scary and uncomfortable for a young child.

 

I think of this situation much like what it must be like with Leah Messer and Cory. Cory's girls complained about what went down at Leah's home. No one questioned whether the girls were being pushed to say such things because those girls were speaking the truth of what was happening since we saw it with our own eyes. Leah's girls enjoyed their time at Cory's home because they weren't left to fend for themselves. It wasn't necessarily that they had more fun there. They were allowed to be children and had a normal home life. That is something they didn't have with Leah. I think the same holds for Leah Shirley. She knows what bothers her. She is speaking her mind.  

In response to the comment about me and Maharincess, I am so sorry that our avatars have caused people to be confused. This is so funny only because just the other day I thought of changing my avatar to better reflect the "Splain" username. It is something Ricky Ricardo said many times. I will change it. I hope it helps. :-) 

[truelovekiss]

I think it's safe to say neither Amber nor Gary are "great" parents. Gary is passable. He didn't land himself in jail. As far as having stepped up, I'm still hesitant to even give him that. Wasn't Leah a ward of the state at one point? And I would wager that a large part of the day to day child rearing went to Gary's mom, and Kristina, despite Gary not having a real job.

Do we know if he collects child support from Ambie? I'm going to guess not, because Amber would be bitching about that nonstop.

Edited to add that by no means am I on team Amber. I can't stand that sleepy muppet with her shitty attitude. I'm just trying to say Gary sucks, just not as much as Amber. He's manipulative, and I wouldn't be surprised if he took things Leah said (like Amber sleeps all day) and made a big deal out of it. Obviously Amber sleeping all day sucks, but I think Leah's attitude about staying with Amber might have been helped along by Gary reinforcing that his house is better. (Thanks to Kristina, who really seems to love Leah, and treats her well).

Edited January 19, 2016 by truelovekiss

[ginger90]

Way back, Leah probably had a child advocate attorney. I wonder if she still does.

[SPLAIN]

I think Leah was given a guardian ad litem due to the domestic violence matter which occurred in front of her. It turned into a child welfare matter. 

[mittsigirl]

"I seriously think I'm addicted to Dr. Pepper, I have it running through my veins. I'm under Drs orders to gain at least 20 pounds by June so to me, that means drink more Dr. Pepper.
I found a sale on 20 packs and bought 5 of them."

 

Crap, I would gladly give you the 20 pounds you need, that is how much I need to get rid of!

[leighroda]

Splain, I saw you changed your avatar I feel bad, it wasn't really a big deal, it was just funny... I hope that's not why you changed it!

[ghoulina]

Regardless if it is more fun or not, Leah's home with Gary is just that, home.  It is where Leah is saying where she'd rather be. Leah's home life for the past few years now is where she has had safety, security, constant attention, love, a positive environment that is likely free of fighting, arguing and negativity.  Gary's wife also has a child from her previous marriage.

 

I am pretty sure I read that Kristina gave up custody of said child to her ex. The jury is still out on Kristina, for me. I feel like there is a lot we don't know about her. 

 

Edited to add that by no means am I on team Amber. I can't stand that sleepy muppet with her shitty attitude. I'm just trying to say Gary sucks, just not as much as Amber. He's manipulative, and I wouldn't be surprised if he took things Leah said (like Amber sleeps all day) and made a big deal out of it. Obviously Amber sleeping all day sucks, but I think Leah's attitude about staying with Amber might have been helped along by Gary reinforcing that his house is better. (Thanks to Kristina, who really seems to love Leah, and treats her well).

 

Right. This is how I feel. Me pointing out the things I dislike about Gary in no way negate Amber's poor behavior. I am just glad to see that Leah hit some sort of personality lottery - she seems awesome, despite her sucky parents. 

[Brooklynista]

I am pretty sure I read that Kristina gave up custody of said child to her ex. The jury is still out on Kristina, for me. I feel like there is a lot we don't know about her. 

 

 

 

 

Right. This is how I feel. Me pointing out the things I dislike about Gary in no way negate Amber's poor behavior. I am just glad to see that Leah hit some sort of personality lottery - she seems awesome, despite her sucky parents. 

 

 

 

She cheated on her husband for Gary Shirley.  I know all I need to know about Miss Kristina.

Edited January 19, 2016 by Brooklynista

[Tatum]

She cheated on her husband for Gary Shirley.  I know all I need to know about Miss Kristina.

 

Too funny. Normally, I would agree this is a totally fair statement. However, while I fully concede this could be entirely for the cameras, Kristina has been good to Leah. I don't just mean playing with her and keeping her hair brushed. I mean, Kristina works with Leah on homework, she talks to Leah about her feelings, she watches Leah for signs of problems and brings them up to Gary- for whatever her motivation is (perhaps she can't be assed to look after her own child, but enjoys the accolades she gets for watching Leah), Leah does benefit from Kristina's presence far more than she benefits from either of her biological parents.

[SPLAIN]

Splain, I saw you changed your avatar I feel bad, it wasn't really a big deal, it was just funny... I hope that's not why you changed it!

No, not at all. I posted somewhere how I was just wondering if I should change my avatar to better reflect the "Splain" username. No biggie. I like my new avatar. I can imagine how hard it was to figure out who said what here. It happens to me too. I get confused with a few posters sometimes. 

 

 

Too funny. Normally, I would agree this is a totally fair statement. However, while I fully concede this could be entirely for the cameras, Kristina has been good to Leah. I don't just mean playing with her and keeping her hair brushed. I mean, Kristina works with Leah on homework, she talks to Leah about her feelings, she watches Leah for signs of problems and brings them up to Gary- for whatever her motivation is (perhaps she can't be assed to look after her own child, but enjoys the accolades she gets for watching Leah), Leah does benefit from Kristina's presence far more than she benefits from either of her biological parents.

Agree.

 

I am not even sure about the details of Kristina's personal life. Was she cheating on her spouse or was it that they were separated already? I haven't read much about her except that she was once married and she has a child. I am sure her husband will share his version of their married life and Kristina may give a different version. Two sides after all. I agree thus far she is the one who has been a fixture in Leah's life on a day-to-day basis while Sloth Amber counts the days until Leah visits her so she can have her daughter bring her breakfast in bed. 

[missy jo]

I don't believe Farrah regarding James Deen. I also don't believe she made that professionally produced film for her private enjoyment.

I read her nearly illiterate email to Vivid pitching the tape and its proposed storyline *before* it was ever filmed. It was always planned for release.

[GuiltyPleasureTV]

I have come to dislike all of these girls throughout the years that Teen Mom has dragged on but I don't think that leaving the kids with their grandparents to go on a trip makes Maci a bad mom.

[GuiltyPleasureTV]

Neither do I think that sleeping until 10 am necessarily makes Amber a bad mom (but I do think other things about her make her a bad or pretty much non-existent parent). But then again I often sleep until 10 am because I stay up late working (I work from home) while my 18 month old sleeps, and luckily like me he is a night owl and not an early riser. (I realize this will change once he starts school and I'm not looking forward to it. ;))

Clearly Amber is not a great parent but I think Maci has been a good mom to Bentley. I don't have any information to judge about Jayde (is that the baby girl's name?) because the producers rarely show her. I think they really stressed the first mom syndrome/extreme attachment that Maci had going on with Bentley (ie hating to drop him off at daycare-- which I can completely relate to and which is normal) as a story line in previous seasons and now that Jayde is here she is just in the background and we don't really know what's going on.

I feel the same way with Nova and I'm disappointed because that should be a big story line. Caitlynn and Tyler spent 5 years or whatever on the show without a child at home with them and now they have one and it's like MTV rarely films Nova at all. It stays stuck on the same stories of Catelynn and Tyler sitting around being depressed, Butch and April doing their thing (I do not like Butch as much as many on this forum seem to-- and I do not agree that he is good looking at all), and now Catelynn and Tyler finally getting married. I have come to dislike the show because it all stays same old same old when there is actually new stuff going on to focus on. I want to see the new babies and hear how life is now that they have been added to the families.

For the record my in laws take care of my 18 month old son often and I'm glad that he can bond with them and I'm glad for all they do to help us. I think it's good that Bentley has a good bond with his paternal grandparents, especially in light of near-absent Ryan (and I think Maci's parents are involved too but don't like to be filmed?) I'm not sure why moms are supposed to be with their kids 24/7 unless they're at work in order for them to be considered good moms. The phrase used to be "It takes a village" and I think that's still very true.

My husband and I are planning to take a trip with just him and me as a "babymoon" before Baby # 2 arrives in June. We would have done it earlier but I only recently stopped breastfeeding. I do not think we are bad parents for leaving our son with trusted relatives who know and love him. It saddens me to read the comments from moms who feel guilty or comments along the lines of "only bad moms claim they're awesome moms." I had my fair share of guilt and anxiety when my son was very young but as he's grown I've realized that what makes a good mom is a happy mom and I shouldn't feel bad for taking care of myself. (I love when other moms entertain my son on the playground so I can sit on a bench and read my Kindle or iPad. Granted I try to return the favor so they can have a break too, and as I said above I know there are other issues with Amber.)

The reason I think I'm an awesome mom is because my son seems so happy to be with me. He lights up when he sees me and loves to be around me. And when he is sad or tired or hurt he loves to climb up on me for cuddles and loves when I hug and hold him. I think that all of your children would think the same about you and would want you to know you're awesome moms. So I hope the moms reading this give yourself the pat on the back you deserve and think about your accomplishments and strengths as a mom instead of carrying around guilt. For what it's worth I don't care if you wake up at 5 am or noon, if you have never left your child with anyone else or if you frequently send your child to grandma's while you take a trip with your spouse or friend etc., if you work or stay home, etc... unless I see big red flags I'm inclined to believe that you are awesome loving caring moms and I'm sure your children feel the same way. :) Sadly these Teen Moms do give us some big red flags but I don't think in general most women or moms give themselves enough credit and I also think it's easy to be judged by other women or moms, which really sucks.

[Elizabeth9]

Leaving your kid with normal, sober and loving people like Larry and Jen- totally ok

Leaving your kid with dysfunctional and potentially abusive people like Butch and April- not ok

[DoctorWhovian]

i grew up about a mile from my grandmother. She watched us pretty regularly, just for an afternoon or for an evening out. My parents took at least one weekend away a year (their anniversary), but usually at least a full night away from us multiple times a year (usually we stayed at Grandma's, or one of us would be at a friend's house and the other would stay with Grandma, either way we loved staying with her and it was always fun because grandma is awesome and let us eat corn dogs and chef boyardee, she had a Nintendo which we didn't have at home, and we got to watch TV as late as we wanted, including MTV which my mom blocked when I was about 9). I see nothing wrong with leaving your kid with a sitter for an evening, or over night, because that night off is going to keep you sane and keep your marriage happy, or just be general stress relief. I'm sure when we stayed away, my parents just enjoyed a night at the house without us, but a night with no kids is a night with no kids. No judgement here, even if it seems like a lot to other people (if I had free baby sitting with a grandparent like Jen or Larry, I'd probably take advantage too).

 

Leaving your sub-one year old multiple nights a week every week, with less than stable adults, however, is a bit more judge worthy, although it wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't so often (giving April the benefit of the doubt and assuming she is able to care for her safely, according to Tyler and Catelynn's standards -- but yeah I wouldn't leave a kid with April or Butch ever).

[Maharincess]

We lived next door to my mom for 6 years when my kids were little and they still didn't spend as much time at her house as Nova spends with April.

My grandkids come and visit a lot and my granddaughter spends the night after school on Fridays.

They think my house is Disneyland. I have a shelf full of snacks and grandma rarely says no.

Edited February 25, 2016 by Maharincess