S08.E10: Trouble On The Family Tree

[swankie]

So, your friend actually got some level of acknowledgment and closure.  These are things Kenya never got from her mother.  She was treated as a non-entity.

 

That's Kenya's story.  Congratulating her on her accomplishment is not treating her as a non-entity.  Patricia is quoted as saying that the lines of communication are and have always been open.   Kenya just wants it on her terms and doesn't waver.   And I don't care how you spin it, my friend's situation was way worse than what Kenya has gone through...in my opinion.

 

I don't think it is fair to downplay the pain one person is feeling just because someone somewhere else may have had it worse. Because let's face it ... there is always going to be someone somewhere else who has it worse. That fact doesn't negate the pain of people who are suffering slightly less than some other even more unfortunate souls.

 

 

I was addressing someone who was minimizing the abuse a friend of mine went through and saying that what Kenya went through was worse and that its better to be whipped with a belt than to go through what Kenya has.  I wasn't downplaying anything, only comparing how two people handle bad situations.

 

In the story about your friend, the main difference is that your friend had more control over the situation ( as an adult, of course) and knew for sure that her mother was a POS.

 

 

I don't see why after being "treated as a non-entity", as it has been described, for 40 years, Kenya doesn't  know for sure that her mother is a POS.  And what control did my friend have?  Her mother abused and abandoned her.  She didn't have any control over that.  She just decided to go on with her life and find her own happiness.  I think Kenya should do the same.

Edited January 14, 2016 by swankie

[LIMOM]

That's Kenya's story. Congratulating her on her accomplishment is not treating her as a non-entity. Patricia is quoted as saying that the lines of communication are and have always been open. Kenya just wants it on her terms and doesn't waver. And I don't care how you spin it, my friend's situation was way worse than what Kenya has gone through...in my opinion.

I was addressing someone who was minimizing the abuse a friend of mine went through and saying that what Kenya went through was worse and that its better to be whipped with a belt than to go through what Kenya has. I wasn't downplaying anything, only comparing how two people handle bad situations.

In the story about your friend, the main difference is that your friend had more control over the situation ( as an adult, of course) and knew for sure that her mother was a POS.

I see .

Thanks for clarifying.

She had control as an adult because the mother was in jail for starter.

, I imagine that Patricia would probably refuse to put Kenya on the "approved " list.

By the way, it is not a contest who has more psychological pain, IMO.

I was once told "be happy that your mother was not a prostitute on the street."

Edited January 14, 2016 by LIMOM

[RCharter]

That's Kenya's story.  Congratulating her on her accomplishment is not treating her as a non-entity.  Patricia is quoted as saying that the lines of communication are and have always been open.   Kenya just wants it on her terms and doesn't waver.   And I don't care how you spin it, my friend's situation was way worse than what Kenya has gone through...in my opinion.

 

 

I was addressing someone who was minimizing the abuse a friend of mine went through and saying that what Kenya went through was worse and that its better to be whipped with a belt than to go through what Kenya has.  I wasn't downplaying anything, only comparing how two people handle bad situations.

 

 

I don't see why after being "treated as a non-entity" for 40 years doesn't make Kenya know for sure that her mother is a POS.  And what control did my friend have?  Her mother abused and abandoned her.  She didn't have any control over that.  She just decided to go on with her life and find her own happiness.  I think Kenya should do the same.

Patricia suddenly wanting to be a part of Kenya's life when she thought there was a gravy train to get on is not some great accomplishment on Patricia's part.  It only shows that Patricia had the tools all along to be something other than a complete asshat, but consciously chose to be an asshat until there was something she could get. I don't believe the lines of communication were always open. Unless, you're somehow calling Kenya's entire story a lie.  If the story isn't a lie then the lines of communication weren't "always open" because Patricia refused to acknowledge that Kenya even existed.

 

Yes, Kenya wanted an apology before she let Patricia back onto the gravy train.  An apology for years of being treated like dirt after having done nothing wrong.  An apology for not being treated with the same polite regard a person would give to a stranger.  That hardly seems like an unreasonable request.  And at this point, she isn't even demanding an apology, just not to have her existence acknowledged. 

 

There is no "spin" to it.  The situations were different.  Your friend got a shot at closure and a chance to say her peace and have the conversation and acknowledgment that Kenya never got the chance to have.  So, the situations are different.  And Kenya's situation is in no way mitigated because your friend also went through a terrible situation as well.

 

I actually did prefer the belt to the emotional punishment.  Because the bruises from a whipping would fade, and once the whipping was done my parents were also done with the issue.  The pain of being ignored, or treated to the silent treatment were worse for me because they dragged on, and they made me feel guilty for whatever I had done for much longer.  And the impact was much deeper......I could certainly tell you the things I did that made my parents give me the

"guilt" treatment than I could for things I got a whipping for.  Because the emotional punishment was far more memorable to me.

 

Your friend had control over being able to talk to her mother, say her peace, have her mother say her peace and get going.  Kenya doesn't have that power.

 

And personally, I think the power of closure is often understated.  

 

I think often people blame themselves in situations like Kenya's.  Its easy to do, how many kids blame themselves for their parents divorce?  Even when they have been straight up told its not their fault.  So, it would likely mean something to Kenya to get an apology and to hear from Patricia that it wasn't her fault that Patricia treated her like a POS.  Logically, Kenya may realize that a child isn't at fault, but I don't think that those type of wounds are logical.

[Celia Rubenstein]

I was addressing someone who was minimizing the abuse a friend of mine went through and saying that what Kenya went through was worse and that its better to be whipped with a belt than to go through what Kenya has.  I wasn't downplaying anything, only comparing how two people handle bad situations.

The assertion that Kenya doesn't know how good she really had it is what feels dismissive of her feelings to me. Just because she could have had it worse doesn't mean what she went through wasn't terrible.

  

By the way, it is not a contest who has more psychological pain, IMO.

I was once told "be happy that your mother was not a prostitute on the street."

The whole idea of telling someone they are lucky they didn't have it worse seems like nothing more than a way to stifle the expression of negative emotions coming from someone who is merely trying to talk about some painful experience they've had. It seems about the worst way to handle such a situation. Talking about painful feelings is the first step toward healing them.

I have to wonder if this kind of thing is something Kenya experienced as she was growing up and wanted to talk about her mother. I can envision her father's family and her aunt all telling her she was lucky to have them, it could be so much worse, she should be happy. I can understand them being frustrated with the whole situation and wanting to not dwell on it, but if they really did shut her down in that way, I can see why she is still stuck on it all these years later. Those feelings just don't go away.

[LIMOM]

The assertion that Kenya doesn't know how good she really had it is what feels dismissive of her feelings to me. Just because she could have had it worse doesn't mean what she went through wasn't terrible.

  

The whole idea of telling someone they are lucky they didn't have it worse seems like nothing more than a way to stifle the expression of negative emotions coming from someone who is merely trying to talk about some painful experience they've had. It seems about the worst way to handle such a situation. Talking about painful feelings is the first step toward healing them.

I have to wonder if this kind of thing is something Kenya experienced as she was growing up and wanted to talk about her mother. I can envision her father's family and her aunt all telling her she was lucky to have them, it could be so much worse, she should be happy. I can understand them being frustrated with the whole situation and wanting to not dwell on it, but if they really did shut her down in that way, I can see why she is still stuck on it all these years later. Those feelings just don't go away.

Yes, and it makes the person feels like she is crazy and not important enough to have feelings, IMO.

In my personal experience, my feelings of wanting never really went away but I dealt with them the best I could.

[LIMOM]

That's Kenya's story.  Congratulating her on her accomplishment is not treating her as a non-entity.  Patricia is quoted as saying that the lines of communication are and have always been open.   Kenya just wants it on her terms and doesn't waver.   And I don't care how you spin it, my friend's situation was way worse than what Kenya has gone through...in my opinion.

 

 

I was addressing someone who was minimizing the abuse a friend of mine went through and saying that what Kenya went through was worse and that its better to be whipped with a belt than to go through what Kenya has.  I wasn't downplaying anything, only comparing how two people handle bad situations.

 

 

I don't see why after being "treated as a non-entity", as it has been described, for 40 years, Kenya doesn't  know for sure that her mother is a POS.  And what control did my friend have?  Her mother abused and abandoned her.  She didn't have any control over that.  She just decided to go on with her life and find her own happiness.  I think Kenya should do the same.

 

 

I don't see why after being "treated as a non-entity", as it has been described, for 40 years, Kenya doesn't  know for sure that her mother is a POS.  And what control did my friend have?  Her mother abused and abandoned her.  She didn't have any control over that.  She just decided to go on with her life and find her own happiness.  I think Kenya should do the same.

I am glad that your friend saw the light and her mother for what she is.

Kenya is not there yet.

[Aging Goth]

I believe we should just back away from this subject for a bit, and cool down.  It is beginning to get a little personal.  Let just agree to disagree on the matters and respect each other's opinions.

[Petunia13]

I think Kenya doing this on the show was for several reasons:

-her mom said lines of communication are open and Kenya was at the door not demanding an apology and she still was ignored

-to perhaps shame her mother into a response

-Kenya is often critiqued as fake with what she'll show on the show and this was candid, personal & embarrassing

-show why she's so crazy

Noelle you can tell has 2 model parents. She's pretty much a mix of both, but favors Leon. Interesting she gave the opposite advice about Peter. Maybe she is thinking about her college fund. I get the impression they aren't close.

Peter has gained weight.

When the news broke about the engagement I tweeted Demetria and asked her if now she will be known as Demetria Bobb and #DemiBobb and people always calling her full name. She responded right away LMFAO and NO! She hopes not. I think she has a sense of humor and knows and gets along with all the ladies. She should maybe be a HW next year , especially if Kim is out.

Edited January 14, 2016 by Petunia13

[luckyroll3]

Gul where ya kin folk from? lol.  Mine are South African but we've been here so long I've forgotten basic African principles such as animals are food not pets.

LMAO!!!  Thank you for this morning laugh.  The few people already in the building just walking by my office, like what the hell is going on in there?  You need to gather your own pink slip girl.

 

We are from a tiny country in Central America called Belize :)  We have started to understand dogs as pets, but we're still not letting a dog lick our mouth.  Maybe the next generation will become assimilated enough for that......I mean, isn't that really the promise of America?  A pot roast in every oven, streets paved with gold, and a dog to french kiss?

I LOVE Belize.  I've been there twice.  Stayed in Placencia last time.  I also don't get the dog make-outs, either, but if that's someone's thing, more power to them.  I'm still trying to understand why my dog can't catch his own food.  

 

OMG Belize is on my travel bucket list!  Girl.  This is the time for us to volunteer to be each other's tour guides.  Although, hate to disappoint but I will not go on safari, it ain't shit like six flags, the humvees and whether or not you're simba's next digestible product are within feet.  Those people I see on the news who wanna keep the windows open?  yo.  I'm doubled over in laughter.  Game reserve beasts only look lazy lol.   So, Table Mountain then? 

What ever trips get planned, I'm inviting myself along.  Thanks!

 

 

Noelle you can tell has 2 model parents. She's pretty much a mix of both, but favors Leon. Interesting she gave the opposite advice about Peter. Maybe she is thinking about her college fund. I get the impression they aren't close.

Noelle looks gorgeous!!  And she seems to have more sense than her mother.  However, I want to know what happened to her little boyfriend, Arthur.  It will probably be a while before she brings another boyfriend home to meet the parents on camera.

[Yours Truly]

 

Nothing Patricia said at that door would have made Kenya feel any bit better. There's NOTHING someone who abandoned you can tell you to make it ok.  Kenya has to work on herself to acknowledge to herself that for whatever reason Patricia couldn't/wouldn't be a mother to her, and it's ok.  She's ok. She's MORE than ok.

And I think Patricia understands that which is why she doesn't act. It's a sad situation and I feel for Kenya but at the same time I get a strong feeling that it wouldn't end with just one sentence or even one conversation. I get the impression that if Patricia were to even open the door then Kenya would continue to "pop in" from time to time to rehash or try and "heal" with randomly timed moments of "needed" reflection. Although I can feel for what she has gone through and what she's going through I don't trust that she ever intends on giving Patricia peace even if she does give Kenya what she's asking for.  I think this may also be a reason why Patricia continues to stay closed off.

Edited January 14, 2016 by Yours Truly

[RCharter]

I think Kenya doing this on the show was for several reasons:

-her mom said lines of communication are open and Kenya was at the door not demanding an apology and she still was ignored

-to perhaps shame her mother into a response

-Kenya is often critiqued as fake with what she'll show on the show and this was candid, personal & embarrassing

-show why she's so crazy

Noelle you can tell has 2 model parents. She's pretty much a mix of both, but favors Leon. Interesting she gave the opposite advice about Peter. Maybe she is thinking about her college fund. I get the impression they aren't close.

Peter has gained weight.

When the news broke about the engagement I tweeted Demetria and asked her if now she will be known as Demetria Bobb and #DemiBobb and people always calling her full name. She responded right away LMFAO and NO! She hopes not. I think she has a sense of humor and knows and gets along with all the ladies. She should maybe be a HW next year , especially if Kim is out.

I'm interested in what they are going to do about the Kim situation.  I can't imagine that either party thought it would be a long lasting arrangement, but unfortunately I don't think it can even be a two season type thing.  Bravo did it for ratings, Kim did it for money IMO.  I like this season, and from what I hear (mostly here) it hasn't been the disaster that Nene was probably hoping for.

 

I'm really hoping they don't bring Nene back, because I feel like too much of the show revolves around her when she is there.  And frankly, I had enough of her acting like she was so put upon to even make an appearance on the show.  She had a pretty easy job, made good money and complained bitterly.  I don't know if her game show got picked up or whatever, but I think at this point, there is a chance that she wants to come back and will do so for considerably less money since the show doesn't really need her.  But I hope they resist the urge to bring her back, even if it would bring back some core viewers.

 

But then, who takes Kim's place?  Sheree? Marlo (I have always had a soft spot for Marlo, so I would be fine with her).  I like Demitria, and I think she might be a good "friend of" but I think she is far too nice to be a full time cast member.

 

Agree with you 100% about Kenya.  I think a lot of it is point #2.  It sounds like she has tried every which way to get her mother to acknowledge her and she won't do it, I think going with a camera crew was a last ditch effort to try a different approach since her other approaches haven't worked.  But I think a lot of Kenya's actions are designed to accomplish multiple goals.  

 

 

LMAO!!!  Thank you for this morning laugh.  The few people already in the building just walking by my office, like what the hell is going on in there?  You need to gather your own pink slip girl.

 

I LOVE Belize.  I've been there twice.  Stayed in Placencia last time.  I also don't get the dog make-outs, either, but if that's someone's thing, more power to them.  I'm still trying to understand why my dog can't catch his own food.  

 

What ever trips get planned, I'm inviting myself along.  Thanks!

 

 

Noelle looks gorgeous!!  And she seems to have more sense than her mother.  However, I want to know what happened to her little boyfriend, Arthur.  It will probably be a while before she brings another boyfriend home to meet the parents on camera.

LOL.  I want to go on these trips too!  Belize is a pretty great place, but its such a small country.  I told my mom the other day that I don't think I can marry a Belizean because there would be a good chance I would be related to them :)

 

Noelle is a pretty girl, and seems to be intelligent and have a good sense of herself.  I think she looks a lot like Leon, but I think Leon is a good looking man.  Arthur was so cute, I hope he wasn't the inspiration for the one-strike policy!

And I think Patricia understands that which is why she doesn't act. It's a sad situation and I feel for Kenya but at the same time I get a strong feeling that it wouldn't end with just one sentence or even one conversation. I get the impression that if Patricia were to even open the door then Kenya would continue to "pop in" from time to time to rehash or try and "heal" with randomly timed moments of "needed" reflection. Although I can feel for what she has gone through and what she's going through I don't trust that she ever intends on giving Patricia peace even if she does give Kenya what she's asking for.  I think this may also be a reason why Patricia continues to stay closed off.

But, she was able to act after Kenya won Miss USA.  She seemed willing to talk at that point and have open lines of communication.  Which leads me to believe, this isn't some deep rooted pain that Patricia is suffering that makes her act this way.  She is just a jerk, who was perfectly able to communicate when it served her purpose.  Patricia was perfectly willing to risk all of those terrible "pop ins" and "times of reflection" when there was a gravy train that she could get on.

 

And there is nothing to indicate that Kenya would "pop in."  She doesn't do that with the parent she does have a relationship with.  She doesn't do it with her grandmother.  I can't think of a situation where Kenya has stalked anyone.  There is nothing to indicate that if she got the conversation that she would insist on having a relationship with Patricia.

[LIMOM]

I am actually happy that Nene is coming back for a small appearance.

Her strength is the one liner and I found her funny in small doses, IMO

Last year, she was out of control with her super sized ego but I think that she is smart enough to tone it down.

Plus, she has an interesting life and career. IMO

[Yours Truly]

 

And there is nothing to indicate that Kenya would "pop in."  She doesn't do that with the parent she does have a relationship with.  She doesn't do it with her grandmother.  I can't think of a situation where Kenya has stalked anyone.  There is nothing to indicate that if she got the conversation that she would insist on having a relationship with Patricia.

Well I disagree. I have a strong feeling that one conversation won't be enough considering how deeply rooted the damage is. Not saying this is Kenya's "evil plan" in the future just that Kenya may not realize that if the initial conversation is ever had she might not be able to commit to not contacting Patricia anymore after that. That's all.

[ZaldamoWilder]

So why does Kenya continue to try and connect with her mother? I think it's for the same reason so many other abused and neglected children seem to inexplicably want to have anything to do with the parents who mistreated them .... they want to rewrite their past. To an undamaged person it just makes no sense. But to a child who has been abused or neglected there is often an overwhelming desire to "undo" the damage by having some kind of magically different relationship with the parent. And it works about as well as you might expect, unfortunately.

I suspect Kenya has been unsuccessful in her romantic relationships because she is seeking out people who make her feel the way she felt as a child. It's another way kids who grew up with problems like hers attempt to recreate their childhood environment so they can manufacture a different outcome. It rarely works, either.

 

Makes me look back at some of her scenes from a new perspective.   Ya'll remember how super beat she was to learn that Walter had pursued Kandi at one time?  I legit thought that was about her thinking (this is me presuming to be inside her brain right then) her thinking that any man who wants Kandi is a man I don't want because we are not in the same league.  When she could've just as likely mentally gone back to a place where yet another person has rejected her.   I mean she was boo-hooing in the bathroom and what not and at the time I thought, this right here is really not commensurate with what he just said.  But now, with some more context, it makes perfect sense to me.   Actually all of it, her attention seeker shtick, twirling in the street and always carrying on.   Emotionally, Kenya is not finna ever be treated like she's invisible again.   I feel like ya'll should take up a collection and send me a check for that diagnosis.  :D

 

LMAO!!!  Thank you for this morning laugh.  The few people already in the building just walking by my office, like what the hell is going on in there?  You need to gather your own pink slip girl.

 

LOL!  Tell em what we got told:  grown folks talking, mind your business.   For the record, I cannot be relieved, I have tenure.

 

I LOVE Belize.  I've been there twice.  Stayed in Placencia last time.  I also don't get the dog make-outs, either, but if that's someone's thing, more power to them.  I'm still trying to understand why my dog can't catch his own food.  

 

What ever trips get planned, I'm inviting myself along.  Thanks!

 

Bwahaaaaaaaa.  Your family ain't from America either huh?  lol.

 

What ever trips get planned, I'm inviting myself along.  Thanks!

 

Sheeiiii, I'd settle for a Sunday Mimosa field trip to the Red Rooster at this point, but the dr. said to stop stalking ya'll it's not good for my self esteem.

[Watermelon]

Patricia suddenly wanting to be a part of Kenya's life when she thought there was a gravy train to get on is not some great accomplishment on Patricia's part.  It only shows that Patricia had the tools all along to be something other than a complete asshat, but consciously chose to be an asshat until there was something she could get. I don't believe the lines of communication were always open. Unless, you're somehow calling Kenya's entire story a lie.  If the story isn't a lie then the lines of communication weren't "always open" because Patricia refused to acknowledge that Kenya even existed.

 

Yes, Kenya wanted an apology before she let Patricia back onto the gravy train.  An apology for years of being treated like dirt after having done nothing wrong.  An apology for not being treated with the same polite regard a person would give to a stranger.  That hardly seems like an unreasonable request.  And at this point, she isn't even demanding an apology, just not to have her existence acknowledged. 

 

 

I gotta say, I don't think there was any ulterior motive for Patricia congratulation Kenya. I truly don't think she was trying to "hop on a gravy train".  Because, if she were REALLY that type of shady ape?  When Kenya said, "Apologize", she would have said, "I'm sorry", not meant it, and stayed on the supposed gravy train.

 

Shady people do that shit ALL THE TIME. They say what they need to say to get what they want.  Patricia just WONT apologize, even if it would have gotten her in Miss USA's good graces...

[luckyroll3]

LOL.  I want to go on these trips too!  Belize is a pretty great place, but its such a small country.  I told my mom the other day that I don't think I can marry a Belizean because there would be a good chance I would be related to them :)   

 

Noelle is a pretty girl, and seems to be intelligent and have a good sense of herself.  I think she looks a lot like Leon, but I think Leon is a good looking man.  Arthur was so cute, I hope he wasn't the inspiration for the one-strike policy!

Welcome to being from a Caribbean island, and I consider Belize one, cause y'all sound exactly like us!  The bay that I'm from, I'm related 90% of the people there because both sides of my family are from the same area and have been there for 200+ years.  I take no chances when I go back to visit!  

 

I hope the one-strike policy wasn't against poor Arthur!  These players are starting too young nowadays!!

 

Makes me look back at some of her scenes from a new perspective.   Ya'll remember how super beat she was to learn that Walter had pursued Kandi at one time?  I legit thought that was about her thinking (this is me presuming to be inside her brain right then) her thinking that any man who wants Kandi is a man I don't want because we are not in the same league.  When she could've just as likely mentally gone back to a place where yet another person has rejected her.   I mean she was boo-hooing in the bathroom and what not and at the time I thought, this right here is really not commensurate with what he just said.  But now, with some more context, it makes perfect sense to me.   Actually all of it, her attention seeker shtick, twirling in the street and always carrying on.   Emotionally, Kenya is not finna ever be treated like she's invisible again.   I feel like ya'll should take up a collection and send me a check for that diagnosis.  :D

 

 

LOL!  Tell em what we got told:  grown folks talking, mind your business.   For the record, I cannot be relieved, I have tenure.

 

 

Bwahaaaaaaaa.  Your family ain't from America either huh?  lol.

 

 

Sheeiiii, I'd settle for a Sunday Mimosa field trip to the Red Rooster at this point, but the dr. said to stop stalking ya'll it's not good for my self esteem.

Kenya's attention seeking behavior definitely stems from her abandonment issues.  If only that shrink they saw last year, who is now showing up on every other ratchet ass reality show, was actually real or good at his job, he could have legit help her through some of these things.

 

I'm Caribbean.  Even this whole, the dog lives INSIDE the house business is an adjustment.  I keep telling my dog he just doesn't understand how good he has it.  

[Watermelon]

Sheeiiii, I'd settle for a Sunday Mimosa field trip to the Red Rooster at this point, but the dr. said to stop stalking ya'll it's not good for my self esteem.

 *Insert emoji eyes* Soooooooo  I'm totally planning on coming to NYC this winter/spring.  I have plans to go to Hamilton(NO I haven't bought my ticket yet, this is a pipe dream), and a frozen vodka room.  Red Rooster could absolutely play into that.

[RCharter]

I gotta say, I don't think there was any ulterior motive for Patricia congratulation Kenya. I truly don't think she was trying to "hop on a gravy train".  Because, if she were REALLY that type of shady ape?  When Kenya said, "Apologize", she would have said, "I'm sorry", not meant it, and stayed on the supposed gravy train.

 

Shady people do that shit ALL THE TIME. They say what they need to say to get what they want.  Patricia just WONT apologize, even if it would have gotten her in Miss USA's good graces...

I don't think so.  I think when Kenya said "apologize" Patricia realized it wouldn't be quite as easy to get on the gravy train as she had hoped.  

 

A parent who comes out of the woodwork hoping to cash in on some success is hoping to encounter someone that has not thinking logically.  Asking for an apology shows that Kenya wasn't just willing to let Patricia in...which is logical.  And a logical person would know to keep you at arms length and off the gravy train until they know you are there for them and not just for opportunity.  

 

I think if Kenya had gratefully come at her with open arms she would have happily taken her place on the train.  But, if Kenya was asking for an apology that meant that it wasn't going to be easy and Patricia would have to do some work for her ticket to ride. So, I think she took her leave.

Edited January 14, 2016 by RCharter

[RCharter]

Welcome to being from a Caribbean island, and I consider Belize one, cause y'all sound exactly like us!  The bay that I'm from, I'm related 90% of the people there because both sides of my family are from the same area and have been there for 200+ years.  I take no chances when I go back to visit!  

 

I hope the one-strike policy wasn't against poor Arthur!  These players are starting too young nowadays!!

 

Kenya's attention seeking behavior definitely stems from her abandonment issues.  If only that shrink they saw last year, who is now showing up on every other ratchet ass reality show, was actually real or good at his job, he could have legit help her through some of these things.

 

I'm Caribbean.  Even this whole, the dog lives INSIDE the house business is an adjustment.  I keep telling my dog he just doesn't understand how good he has it.  

I know right?  I don't want to end up giving birth to a potato with webbed fingers, so I avoid Belizean men altogether.  

 

Now I'm thinking maybe I can't marry any Carribean men, because Belizean men do like to travel, both literally and figuratively. 

 

LOL, well according to Nene, girls are pretty much sluts at 10, so I'm sure boys being players starts earlier too :)

 

LMAO -- did you see that dude is going to be on LHHNY next week?  I just don't even know what to say anymore about that guy.  I'm not entirely convinced he is a doctor -- or maybe he went to the same school that Sheree's boyfriend went to.

 

Ha ha -- my dad REFUSES to have an inside dog.  He takes great care of their dog, and the dog has a house, and the dog gets fed great food.  But, to my dad, the dog is for guarding the house and he lives outside.  My dad was hella confused when I ended up with a hamster ("what does a hamster do?  what purpose does it serve?  it lives inside? So, it eats and poops and has no utility? huh?")

[ZaldamoWilder]

I'm Caribbean.  Even this whole, the dog lives INSIDE the house business is an adjustment.  I keep telling my dog he just doesn't understand how good he has it.  

 

You know we need more words.  

 

between this and, God help me, shady ape (™ Watermelon Rhynes), I am now the one who must close my door.

 

 *Insert emoji eyes* Soooooooo  I'm totally planning on coming to NYC this winter/spring.  I have plans to go to Hamilton(NO I haven't bought my ticket yet, this is a pipe dream), and a frozen vodka room.  Red Rooster could absolutely play into that.

 

Now keep in mind that I'm an artist and I'm sensitive about my shit.  So please do not trifle with my feelings.   Pecan waffles? #hereforit

There's always the chance of you winning the (daily I think) lottery they hold outside the theater where some lucky bunch get nice seats for $10 a tick.  You've gotta see these people's faces, pilgrims to mecca look less impassioned.   Andplualso?  A frozen vodka room?  {{sitsupstraighter}} say whaaaat?  

 

 

I don't think so.  I think when Kenya said "apologize" Patricia realized it wouldn't be quite as easy to get on the gravy train as she had hoped.  

 

A parent who comes out of the woodwork hoping to cash in on some success is hoping to encounter someone that has not thinking logically.  Asking for an apology shows that Kenya wasn't just willing to let Patricia in...which is logical.  And a logical person would know to keep you at arms length and off the gravy train until they know you are there for them and not just for opportunity.  

 

I think if Kenya had gratefully come at her with open arms she would have happily taken her place on the train.  But, if Kenya was asking for an apology that meant that it wasn't going to be easy and Patricia would have to do some work for her ticket to ride. So, I think she took her leave.

 

I'm torn. I don't think Patricia was in it for the potential of any gravy.  But I do think that the combination of Kenya's apology demand and her public rebuff helped her justify and cement her resolve to go back to ignoring Kenya.  Yeah she's stunted.  If that doesn't sound just like a 15 year old girl.....

[Celia Rubenstein]

Makes me look back at some of (Kenya's) scenes from a new perspective.   Ya'll remember how super beat she was to learn that Walter had pursued Kandi at one time?  I legit thought that was about her thinking (this is me presuming to be inside her brain right then) her thinking that any man who wants Kandi is a man I don't want because we are not in the same league.  When she could've just as likely mentally gone back to a place where yet another person has rejected her.   I mean she was boo-hooing in the bathroom and what not and at the time I thought, this right here is really not commensurate with what he just said.  But now, with some more context, it makes perfect sense to me.   Actually all of it, her attention seeker shtick, twirling in the street and always carrying on.   Emotionally, Kenya is not finna ever be treated like she's invisible again.   I feel like ya'll should take up a collection and send me a check for that diagnosis.  :D

 

Absolutely.  The minute I learned about Kenya's mother, it made me see everything about her and her behavior in a new light.  Truth be told, when I heard about how Nene's mother sent (dumped?) her off to live with her aunt, it made me reconsider some of her behavior, too.  With her, her abandonment issues seemed to manifest themselves in the way she demanded such total loyalty and devotion from her friends, and became completely unglued if she sensed any threat to her position.  It's been so long I can barely remember specifics, but like with Kenya, I remember being amazed that none of her fellow housewives seem to "get it" about her issues.  Or if they did, they didn't care.

 

Actually, far from being sensitive to Kenya's plight, I believe both Phaedra and Porsha have actually stooped so low as to use Kenya's relationship with her mother to take a shot at her.  IIRC it was during the reunion a couple of seasons ago.   I just looked on my Big List of Reasons I Hate Phaedra and Porsha to find the specifics of what they said, but it's so damn long I can't find the entry.  But I am sure others here will remember better than me.  I remember being quite appalled. 

[freeradical]

Before we run with the "gravy train" theory. All you get for winning Miss USA is a college scholarship. Check the entire list of winners and you might recognize one name. Plus, the best gravy train Kenya has ever been on is this show so maybe Patricia should have answered that door. If she did we would probably be accusing her of only doing it now to get on the show. This woman can't win for losing. I'd be so interested to hear her side of the story.

Honestly, Kenya's perspective and memory are no doubt distorted. Aunt Lori loves Kenya but circled the wagons to protect her sister. Why? Lori doesn't seem like an unreasonable woman.

Some believe that you either forgive people or you don't. I've never heard anything about making them ask for it first.

Don't get me wrong, Kenya's pain is real. She needs some therapy for sure. I just think her side of the story could be leaving out some enlightening details. She's exaggerated and worse on the show all the time for her storyline and unless I wasn't actually watching this episode on t.v. she's still doing all this on t.v. camera in tow, and for the show.

Edited January 14, 2016 by freeradical

[Watermelon]

Now keep in mind that I'm an artist and I'm sensitive about my shit.  So please do not trifle with my feelings.   Pecan waffles? #hereforit

There's always the chance of you winning the (daily I think) lottery they hold outside the theater where some lucky bunch get nice seats for $10 a tick.  You've gotta see these people's faces, pilgrims to mecca look less impassioned.   Andplualso?  A frozen vodka room?  {{sitsupstraighter}} say whaaaat?  

 

 

http://www.mehanata.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=48&Itemid=77

 

I've heard great things about it.

[ZaldamoWilder]

Absolutely.  The minute I learned about Kenya's mother, it made me see everything about her and her behavior in a new light.  Truth be told, when I heard about how Nene's mother sent (dumped?) her off to live with her aunt, it made me reconsider some of her behavior, too.  With her, her abandonment issues seemed to manifest themselves in the way she demanded such total loyalty and devotion from her friends, and became completely unglued if she sensed any threat to her position.  It's been so long I can barely remember specifics, but like with Kenya, I remember being amazed that none of her fellow housewives seem to "get it" about her issues.  Or if they did, they didn't care.

 

Actually, far from being sensitive to Kenya's plight, I believe both Phaedra and Porsha have actually stooped so low as to use Kenya's relationship with her mother to take a shot at her.  IIRC it was during the reunion a couple of seasons ago.   I just looked on my Big List of Reasons I Hate Phaedra and Porsha to find the specifics of what they said, but it's so damn long I can't find the entry.  But I am sure others here will remember better than me.  I remember being quite appalled. 

 

You know it didn't even occur to me that Kenya's issue hasn't occurred to the rest of them.  I needed for ya'll to talk about it for me to get it.  and even with that, I still hadn't thought about Nene.   Memory fails but I thought the shots they took at her were about being a wife and/or mother.  It wouldn't surprise me if they got at her about Patricia but I can't call it back up.

http://www.mehanata.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=48&Itemid=77

 

I've heard great things about it.

 

Heysoo Christo!   You young people are amazing!  LOL!  6 shots in two minutes huh?  Soldier's uniform indeed.  Wth, I'm in.

[RCharter]

Before we run with the "gravy train" theory. All you get for winning Miss USA is a college scholarship. Check the entire list of winners and you might recognize one name. Plus, the best gravy train Kenya has ever been on is this show so maybe Patricia should have answered that door. If she did we would probably be accusing her of only doing it now to get on the show. This woman can't win for losing. I'd be so interested to hear her side of the story.

Honestly, Kenya's perspective and memory are no doubt distorted. Aunt Lori loves Kenya but circled the wagons to protect her sister. Why? Lori doesn't seem like an unreasonable woman.

Some believe that you either forgive people or you don't. I've never heard anything about making them ask for it first.

Don't get me wrong, Kenya's pain is real. She needs some therapy for sure. I just think her side of the story could be leaving out some enlightening details. She's exaggerated and worse on the show all the time for her storyline and unless I wasn't actually watching this episode on t.v. she's still doing all this on t.v. camera in tow, and for the show.

I would only say that as the first black Miss USA, in a time when Miss USA was a pretty big deal I think anyone could see that there would be big opportunities, or at least guess that there would be.  No, Kenya didn't win the lottery, but this was the first time she won something big and something that could really make a difference in her life and turn into dollars down the line.

 

Its a little like winning American Idol...or even being on American Idol back in the day.  At that point, you may get booted off and not win any money, but you were probably going to get a record deal at some point and therefore, family members would want to get on the gravy train before it left the station.

 

And, I think Miss USA is a little different.  Winning Miss USA makes you a universally likable figure.  You're basically America's real life barbie doll who can interview well.  Kenya's position now, is not quite as universally likable, and I don't think the potential for money would be as big as you might imagine being the first black Miss USA.  I mean it propelled Vanessa Williams into super, duper stardom, IIRC she was crowned the first black Miss America before Kenya was crowned the first black Miss USA.  I can see where, upon first winning, someone would think that Kenya would have the same super success.  And never mind that people at Patricia's office may have the angry watercooler talk about Kenya too.

 

Why would we doubt Kenya's perspective?  Because she was hurt?  I mean that question honestly.

 

Aunt Lori is between a rock and a hard place.  That is her sister, so I get the family loyalty, which is often illogical but happens even when your family does the wrong thing.  I think she doesn't want to be involved or in the middle of anything at all. 

 

I've heard of people asking for an apology.  I think its done quite often. 

 

I think Kenya is 85% an act, but I don't think her pain or her reaction to the pain is an act, because this is something that matters to her.  I really don't think much of the drama she gets involved in on the show matters to her, but this is her history, so its real and I don't think its an act.

Edited January 14, 2016 by RCharter

[RCharter]

You know it didn't even occur to me that Kenya's issue hasn't occurred to the rest of them.  I needed for ya'll to talk about it for me to get it.  and even with that, I still hadn't thought about Nene.   Memory fails but I thought the shots they took at her were about being a wife and/or mother.  It wouldn't surprise me if they got at her about Patricia but I can't call it back up.

 

Heysoo Christo!   You young people are amazing!  LOL!  6 shots in two minutes huh?  Soldier's uniform indeed.  Wth, I'm in.

I remember Phaedra going in for the whole "scrambled eggs" routine, which I thought was absolutely awful.  And I took part of that to be, in some way, that because her past had made her crazy she couldn't be a good mother and no man would get with her.  

 

As Phaedra sat there with a felon for a husband, and Porsha sat there having married a gay man and not knowing that there are 365 days in a year.....Pots....kettles....black.....

 

It was a pretty low blow, and I have no doubt that Phaedra would use Patricia against Kenya.  I think Porsha could be talked into it.

[Celia Rubenstein]

Before we run with the "gravy train" theory. All you get for winning Miss USA is a college scholarship. Check the entire list of winners and you might recognize one name. Plus, the best gravy train Kenya has ever been on is this show so maybe Patricia should have answered that door. If she did we would probably be accusing her of only doing it now to get on the show. This woman can't win for losing. I'd be so interested to hear her side of the story.

 

I'm trying to understand why Patricia finally decided to reach out to Kenya when she won Miss USA.  It looks bad on its face, as if she only wanted to somehow  latch onto Kenya's success and fame.  But it's possible she had better intentions.  Perhaps she was genuinely overjoyed at Kenya's success and was inspired to overcome her own .... pain? fear? hostility? and wanted to reach out and begin some kind of relationship.  If so, well.  That was rather naive.  I would think the possibility such a move would be badly received would be pretty obvious.  It seems like the choice someone who is still stuck at a mental age of 15 would make, envisioning a fairy tale outcome of some kind.  

 

 

 

I'm torn. I don't think Patricia was in it for the potential of any gravy.  But I do think that the combination of Kenya's apology demand and her public rebuff helped her justify and cement her resolve to go back to ignoring Kenya.  Yeah she's stunted.  If that doesn't sound just like a 15 year old girl.....

 

Yep.  I think Patricia is emotionally frozen at the age she was when she had Kenya.  And Kenya is pretty much froze up at the age she was the first time she walked up and said "Hi, Mommy" and Patricia turned around and walked away.  It's just sad. 

 

 

 

Memory fails but I thought the shots they took at (Kenya) were about being a wife and/or mother.  It wouldn't surprise me if they got at her about Patricia but I can't call it back up.

 

I was trying to look up what they said about Kenya's mother on the google but it's impossible to narrow it down.   I did read where Porsha mentioned that Kenya was "broken" because she didn't have a mother. I vaguely remember that, and I don't recall it being said in any kind of understanding way.  It was more like Porsha was mentioning Kenya's mother situation to justify her assertions that Kenya was a hopeless mess.  

 

And Phaedra dished out so many canned reads about Kenya, they are all a blur.  Scrambled eggs, $10 sperm bank donations to buy a pizza, all that huzzzbin nonsense.  I had to give up searching.  Reading through the results of a google search about the subject was too infuriating because there is all this stuff about Phaedra's "epic read" and how amazing it was.  I'd like to play that sperm bank part of her "epic read" back to her now and see her face when she gets to the part about how Kenya's child might have a father who is an axe murderer or a child molester.  Because having the father of your children be an identity thieving fraudster is so much better.  

[Watermelon]

Kenya's not the first Black Miss USA. She's the first Darkskinned Miss USA.  

 

I really want to know about Kenya. How she has one part of her that clearly didn't feel loved, but was a model and Miss USA so clearly had some charm to her.  I'm actually a little annoyed she's chosen her RHOA persona to be a mildly hateful crazy woman because the real her sounds interesting....It's just occurred to me that Kenya's probably been playing a role since childhood and doesn't even know what the "real her" is, and now I want to give her a hug.

 

Ew.

[Ubiquitous]

I get that reasoning, but I feel like the picture can do that too.  And with less waste, because I know I'm not wearing that t-shirt again, and it feels awkward to give it to a goodwill, because who wants to wear a tee-shirt from my family reunion?  So, right now, I just have a random tee-shirt that I don't want, but would feel strange giving to goodwill.  First world problems indeed :)

 Maybe some orphans would want them? Ha ha

 

Seven of the ugliest bridesmaids gowns you've ever seen.   And for each, shit you not, the first words out her mouth were, I swear you'll be able to wear it again.   Really girl?  where the fuck am I supposed to be carrying a yellow parasol?  

Was she hinting about a future divorce?

Edited January 15, 2016 by Ubiquitous

[RCharter]

 Maybe some orphans would want them? Ha ha

 was she hinting about a future divorce?

LMAO!  

[Yours Truly]

 

 

When I have had to give an apology I don't want to give, I just say "I'm sorry" but perhaps its different in other parts of the world or for different professions.  I wasn't in a position to lose large accounts because I wanted to be snarky.  I save my snark for people on reality TV!

From my experience I can honestly say that if there's an apology I don't want to give I just don't give it. Oh and get this, I also know of others who've done this too and it happens right in this neck of the woods and not in some far off country on the other side of the world.  Just saying.

[RCharter]

From my experience I can honestly say that if there's an apology I don't want to give I just don't give it. Oh and get this, I also know of others who've done this too and it happens right in this neck of the woods and not in some far off country on the other side of the world.  Just saying.

You're very lucky.  Almost everyone in a customer facing or sales position has to apologize to save business even when they don't mean it.  I certainly would apologize to save a large account and I can't think of a person who would risk their livelihood just to make a point because they didn't want to apologize.  But, I can accept that there are people that would put their pride before their financial success.  :)  They aren't in my profession or in my neck of the woods.  But if you've lived a life where you have never had to give an apology, in spite of the fact that you didn't want to give it, or didn't feel you should have to give it I think thats great.  

[Yours Truly]

You're very lucky.  Almost everyone in a customer facing or sales position has to apologize to save business even when they don't mean it.  I certainly would apologize to save a large account and I can't think of a person who would risk their livelihood just to make a point because they didn't want to apologize.  But, I can accept that there are people that would put their pride before their financial success.  :)  They aren't in my profession or in my neck of the woods.  But if you've lived a life where you have never had to give an apology, in spite of the fact that you didn't want to give it, or didn't feel you should have to give it I think thats great.  

Those are not the type of apologies that are being debated with regards to Patricia and Kenya's situation. I don't see the relevance or connection between salesmanship/customer service and delivering or accepting an apology under their circumstances. Color me perplexed..

 

I sure would hope that any and all contact that may transpire between the two NOT be handled like a call being answered at the call center. "Thank you for calling Moore enterprises, this is Kenya Moore, how may I help you?" "Hello, this is Patricia and I'm calling to let you know how I can help YOU, today is your lucky day, we are running a promotional deal and it comes with a full blown apology but that's not all I'm also offering a months worth of cleaning services to go clean up the emotional mess that I've littered all over your life......" Yeah, no I would expect that to come across as way too insincere and in bad taste. LOL.

Edited January 15, 2016 by Yours Truly

[RCharter]

Those are not the type of apologies that are being debated with regards to Patricia and Kenya's situation. I don't see the relevance or connection between salesmanship/customer service and delivering or accepting an apology under their circumstances. Color me perplexed..

I sure would hope that any and all contact that may transpire between the two NOT be handled like a call being answered at the call center. "Thank you for calling Moore enterprises, this is Kenya Moore, how may I help you?" "Hello, this is Patricia and I'm calling to let you know how I can help YOU, today is your lucky day, we are running a promotional deal and it comes with a full blown apology but that's not all I'm also offering a months worth of cleaning services to go clean up the emotional mess that I've littered all over your life......" Yeah, no I would expect that to come across as way too insincere and in bad taste. LOL.

Simply goes to prove the point that a person can give an apology when they do not mean it, want to give it, or "feel it in their heart." The fact that someone can treat a total stranger on a call center phone line with more regard than an innocent child is reason enough to apologize. But even if a person doesn't "feel an apology" they can still give one. Which many people do in various contexts in life, both professional and personal. Edited January 15, 2016 by RCharter

[swankie]

Before we run with the "gravy train" theory. All you get for winning Miss USA is a college scholarship.

I'm not sure what Kenya won, but the actual first black Miss USA, Carole Gist, won quite a bit more than just a scholarship. This quote is from an article I read about her:

"Winning the title brought Gist over $200,000 in cash and prizes and automatically earned her the opportunity to represent the United States in the Miss Universe pageant where she placed as first runner up to Miss Norway, Mona Grut."

[freeradical]

I'm not sure what Kenya won, but the actual first black Miss USA, Carole Gist, won quite a bit more than just a scholarship. This quote is from an article I read about her:

You're right. Miss USA is immediately in competition for Miss Universe and that would at least warrant a salary and I was thinking Miss America, that's the scholarship one. There would be sponsors wanting to get in on the potential Miss Universe win so there's that too. I didn't know about Carole Gist either! Going to look her up now. :-)

[Petunia13]

freeradical, You need to get your affairs in order. When Kenya reads the post above, she will be planning her game to take you down. Porsha made the America vs USA mistake at their first meeting and from then on, it was on in Kenya's mind. I can take you for a few days, maybe others will offer you something also.

Whatever you do don't answer the door!

[Granimal]

Still struggling to see what Phaedra's MO is with her THs. Does she think that it makes her look better when she says, "I guess I'll just pay since it's Todd's only job."* Because it doesn't. It makes her look petty, mean, and angry that she has to pay for something that she already  agreed to pay. What a strange woman.

 

*Paraphrased from the episode.

[Petunia13]

She said she could pay because she "has jahhbzzzZ." I wasn't crazy about that line either. It's one of her catchphrases she used before when she was late for the trip a couple yrs ago. But yes it didn't make sense it sounded like she could afford to deign to pay the man since she has multiple sources of income. But it was an outstanding bill I mean I wouldn't say to electric well ... I can pay since I have jobs. It's not a baller situation. She can be funny sometimes in her talking heads but it sounds rehearsed at monents in her delivery with her stagey tone and her acting choices, she like flutters her eyes and flings her head. You can just tell she thinks she's dropping a scorcher.

Also she has some nerve making all those remarks about Todd's is needing money since he was pretty damn fair in my book and his shows he produces aren't doing bad. How far ahead did she get from her partner in crime spouse that no one called her out on? Is she still wearing his ring and married to him today so he don't testify on her or sell her out as an accomplice? She is no fool. I don't really care but if ya live in a glass house don't throw stones.

[Yours Truly]

Simply goes to prove the point that a person can give an apology when they do not mean it, want to give it, or "feel it in their heart." The fact that someone can treat a total stranger on a call center phone line with more regard than an innocent child is reason enough to apologize. But even if a person doesn't "feel an apology" they can still give one. Which many people do in various contexts in life, both professional and personal.

Well it would be lovely if people could bring themselves to do "what's right" when it's needed and of course determined/demanded by others. I'm happy that I understand that I live in a world where that's just something many people struggle with to various degrees and for various reasons and under various circumstances. There's usually more to each individuals view of the world, interpretation of societies standards and ability to conform their inner working to what life and others deem as acceptable behavior.  A life of judging brings more heartache than a life of acceptance. We all run the gauntlet, some fair better than others and unfortunately Patricia hasn't faired so well which has caused even more unfortunate circumstances, but that's life and sometimes life writes sad stories.   And as usual, MMV.

Edited January 19, 2016 by Yours Truly

[Yours Truly]

She said she could pay because she "has jahhbzzzZ." I wasn't crazy about that line either. It's one of her catchphrases she used before when she was late for the trip a couple yrs ago. But yes it didn't make sense it sounded like she could afford to deign to pay the man since she has multiple sources of income. But it was an outstanding bill I mean I wouldn't say to electric well ... I can pay since I have jobs. It's not a baller situation. She can be funny sometimes in her talking heads but it sounds rehearsed at monents in her delivery with her stagey tone and her acting choices, she like flutters her eyes and flings her head. You can just tell she thinks she's dropping a scorcher.

Also she has some nerve making all those remarks about Todd's is needing money since he was pretty damn fair in my book and his shows he produces aren't doing bad. How far ahead did she get from her partner in crime spouse that no one called her out on? Is she still wearing his ring and married to him today so he don't testify on her or sell her out as an accomplice? She is no fool. I don't really care but if ya live in a glass house don't throw stones.

ESPECIALLY when she's trying to throw them at someone who is for the most part (until we officially see something different) has no grimey aspects to his existence. Aside from people acting like he may or may not be an opportunist (which I don't think he is) there's is nothing about Todd whatsoever (immaturity aside i.e. taking calls during drs. apt.) that comes close to the grimey grimey list of Housewives husbands/boyfriends we have in our Bravo roster. From Peter to Gregg. Apollo, Cordell, Big Poppa, A.J. even Demetria's Roger Bob was shady with regards to their relationship and that's just the Atlanta cast of men. Go on to the other franchises and that's a whole other bag of crap. Todd is one of the last one's to treat like the drapes need to pulled open on his ass so all of Phaedra's shade is extra ridiculous.. Girl Bye!