Jump to content

Type keyword(s) to search

Quotes

ElectricBoogaloo

By ElectricBoogaloo
in Glee [V]

Recommended Posts

ElectricBoogaloo

ElectricBoogaloo

Although Glee isn't quite as quotable now as it was in its earlier seasons, I thought we should still have a thread for quotes. If anyone has suggestions for a subtitle, post them here and we can have the mod add it! Feel free to add old quotes too!

 

The only quote I remember from S05.E14: New New York:

 

Blaine: I may not be a cool steampunk glitter rock vampire with like tatts and guyliner.

Link to comment
tab19

tab19

(edited)

Sam:  (goes in for a kiss) 

Mercedes:  (Facepalms Sam and pushes him away)  I will bite your wax lips off.

Edited by tab19
  • Love 1
Link to comment
ElectricBoogaloo

ElectricBoogaloo

  • Author
(edited)

Blaine: I just read a website about Ewoks and how they're all polygamists.

Sam: How is that fan fiction? Of course they're polygamists. That's obvious.

Kurt: I played football too.

Burt: As a kicker!

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
Link to comment
jeannie

jeannie

 

Blaine: I just read a website about Ewoks and how they're all polygamists.

Sam: How is that fan fiction? Of course they're polygamists. That's obvious.

I will give them credit for that one. That was pretty funny.

 

I don't remember the name of the episode, but from last season (I think?) when Santana moved out of Kurt and Rachel's place (the first time she moved out):

Kurt: Bitch took my pillow!

Link to comment
ElectricBoogaloo

ElectricBoogaloo

  • Author

Artie: I don't know how .
Blaine: Well, do you wear condoms?
Artie: No.
Blaine: Well that would be how.
Sam: Artie, ARE YOU KIDDING?!

Artie: I've been sleeping with two different girls.
Sam: Who are you? It's like I don't even know you!

Sam: In order to give you everything, I have to make sure I don't give you anything.

Mercedes: Thanks for the advice about the whole S-E-X thing.
Rachel: Okay, my philosophy is if you can't even say the word without spelling it, then you're definitely not ready.

Blaine: I have to drink five pints of hot coconut water every day with a little garlic salt, some splenda, and a splash of hot sauce and then you basically jog until you hallucinate. I got it off Matthew McConnaughey's blog.

  • Love 1
Link to comment
jaytee1812

jaytee1812

 

Blaine: I have to drink five pints of hot coconut water every day with a little garlic salt, some splenda, and a splash of hot sauce and then you basically jog until you hallucinate. I got it off Matthew McConnaughey's blog.

 

You missed the best bit:

Blaine takes a drink.

Blaine: No oscar is worth that.

Link to comment
ElectricBoogaloo

ElectricBoogaloo

  • Author

Sue: There's a scab on the face of America. It's an island. It's shaped like a dong and smells like hot pee.

 

Sue: You said patron. Are you a sex worker?

 

Mario: If I wanted to watch a show about an ugly duckling who gets dumped, I'd just watch an episode of Girls.

Link to comment
ElectricBoogaloo

ElectricBoogaloo

  • Author

June: Blaine, I've been in and out of love more times than you've had breakfast.

Blaine: I love Kurt.
June: Well, of course you do. I loved Richard Burton and Howard Hughes. So what?

 

Santana: This is the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me.
Mercedes: I know, I'm awesome, huh?

 

Santana: You're this huge talent. It's like Russell Crowe and Johnny Carson. No matter how awful you are, people are always going to want to work with you.

Link to comment
ElectricBoogaloo

ElectricBoogaloo

  • Author

Santana: Look at Angelina Jolie. She used to be that girl with a vial of blood around her neck who liked kissing her brother. Now she's Mother Earth.

 

Santana: In high school I was a huge bitch but also most popular. I was voted Best Shoulder to Cry On and Most Likely to Poison Somebody.

 

Artie: It's like watching Goofy teach tricks to Pluto.

 

Santana: At least you were wearing underwear!

  • Love 1
Link to comment
tom87

tom87

(edited)

6x3

 

Santana: "Maybe Brittany and I are too young to get married. I mean, after all, that's why it didn't work out with you and Blaine, right? Or maybe it didn't work out because you're a judgmental little  gerontophile with a mouth like cat's ass. Maybe Blaine got tired of hearing your shrill self-aggrandizing  lecture about how you felt the two of you were at the very apex of the gay rights movement every time you so much as cooked macaroni and cheese together, or farted. Maybe Blaine didn't wanna be with someone who looks like they just removed their top row of dentures every time they smile, or someone who doesn't dress like an extra out of one of Andy Dick's more elaborate wet dreams. Maybe he grew weary of dating a breathier more feminine Quinn Fabray. Maybe he finally got freaked out by your strange obsession with old people that causes you to skulk around nursing homes like one of those cats that can smell cancer. Maybe he got tired of watching you drape yourself on every piano you happen past to entertain exactly no one with. Say some song that Judy Garland choked on her tongue in the middle of, or some sassy old Broadway standard made famous by dead alcoholic crump. Maybe Blaine woke up one day and said, 'You know what, I don't wanna marry a sexless self-centered baton-twirler. Maybe I need someone who knows more than three dance moves:' the finger wag, the shoulder shimmy, and the one where you pretend to twirl to invisible rainbow-colored ribbons attached to your hips, so you know what, maybe that's why it didn't work out, maybe it has nothing to do with me and Brittany, maybe it's just that you are utterly, utterly, intolerable. Maybe that has something to do with it."

Mostly added cause that is a lot of dialog to handle.

 

Tina: "Just sit and smile like I did for three years."

 

Rachel: Jagged Little Tapestry

Santana: Finally some songs about Rachel's hair extensions.

Edited by tom87
Link to comment
tab19

tab19

Brittany is decorating Blaine and Karofsky's place.  Blaine asks where the bed is:

Brittany:  "I had the bed removed because when I pictured you having sex I imagined a U-Haul mounting a moped"

Link to comment
SNeaker

SNeaker

 

Maybe he grew weary of dating a breathier more feminine Quinn Fabray.

 

I didn't watch the episode, but someone linked me to the rant, and this might actually be my favorite Santana line ever. Well...definitely in the top 5.

Link to comment
Myrna123

Myrna123

I didn't watch the episode, but someone linked me to the rant, and this might actually be my favorite Santana line ever. Well...definitely in the top 5.

Comparing Kurt to a woman = always hi-larious. Particularly on a show like Glee that really values the female perspective. Who doesn't ROTFL whenever we get a Lady Hummel call out?

  • Love 1
Link to comment
Lovecat

Lovecat

Brittany is decorating Blaine and Karofsky's place.  Blaine asks where the bed is:

Brittany:  "I had the bed removed because when I pictured you having sex I imagined a U-Haul mounting a moped"

The best part of that exchange was Dave's thoughtful face right after.  It said, "Hmm, seems about right..."  NEGL, I LOL'd.  Well played, Max.

  • Love 2
Link to comment
ElectricBoogaloo

ElectricBoogaloo

  • Author

Sue voiceover: Clearly [Will] has some sort of disorder that gives him the emotional depth of a 12 year old girl. Maybe that's why he doesn't have any adult friends. Oh, Will Schuester, you poor maudlin imbecile, I don't hate you.

Will: Anything that really matters in life, I learned in that glee club.

Sue voiceover: I pity you.

 

Sam: What do you do with your free time?

Rachel: Besides cry?

Link to comment
shantown

shantown

Sue voiceover: Clearly [Will] has some sort of disorder that gives him the emotional depth of a 12 year old girl. Maybe that's why he doesn't have any adult friends. Oh, Will Schuester, you poor maudlin imbecile, I don't hate you.

Because Sue has so many adult friends?

Link to comment
jaytee1812

jaytee1812

Because Sue has so many adult friends?

I know talk about stones from a glass house.

Yeah I can think of about half a dozen adult friends Will has had over the course of the show. Has Sue ever had anyone but Becky?

  • Love 1
Link to comment
jaytee1812

jaytee1812

I've never understood the " no adult friends" thing. When did Beiste become chopped liver?

I know.

Although he hasn't been on screen I assume Ricky Martin's character is suppose to be there and they're still friends. I also assume he keeps in touch with April and Holly. And he always seemed to be friends with Burt Hummel.

  • Love 1
Link to comment
ElectricBoogaloo

ElectricBoogaloo

  • Author

Walter: You have to understand when you're as handsome as I am, very little bothers you.

 

Kitty: Now what's there [in glee club]? A chubber, a transfer student, and a bizarro Jaime and Cersei Lannister.

 

Rachel: I'm still trying to-

Kitty: Come up with a set list for a performance we're giving tomorrow? That's so Mr. Schue I can't decide if that's sad or adorable.

 

Madison: I thought you said you'd never join the glee club again.

Kitty: Well, someone has to stop you from marrying your brother.

Link to comment
jaytee1812

jaytee1812

Kitty to Rachel:  "Are you trying to pick me up? Because if you're going to go lezzy with a cheerleader, I think the world's kinda rooting for you and Quinn Fabray."

That was it. Usually for Glee, a good meta joke.

  • Love 1
Link to comment
tom87

tom87

Rachel: I know that I don't know you very well, but I know that you love performing.

Kitty: ... I did. I did love it.

Rachel: You can sing, you can dance, and yes, Santana's cruelty definitely scarred me for the rest of my life, but I do know that that Glee Club needs a top bitch to keep everyone in line.

Kitty: I invested everything in Glee Club, and what did it get me? They all deserted me. The only reason I'm still here is because Sue still needed me for Cheerios. I miss singing and dancing, and the feeling of being in the choir room. But I know Sue, and I know you, and I don't want to jump back in just to have my heart broken again in a couple weeks when it all goes away.

Link to comment
CoyoteBlue

CoyoteBlue

Britt: “Good, I’m glad you’re not coming. You know the New York Times said half the increase in support of gay marriage is due to generational turn-over. That’s what smart people call 'crazy uptight bitches dying'. You guys lost, okay? And honestly the rest of us are just going about our business being normal and waiting for you to not be around, not because you can stop us from getting married, but just because you’re kinda annoying.”

  • Love 2
Link to comment
ElectricBoogaloo

ElectricBoogaloo

  • Author

Kurt: Rachel and I want our champions to celebrate another champion.

Brittany: Katniss Everdeen!

Rachel: Close. Burt Bacharach!

Kitty: This is a good time to go to the bathroom or get a snack.

 

Santana: Last I heard [my abuela] was on Facebook posting about her diverticulitis, trolling for sympathy.

Brittany: See? It's even more important [to invite her to the wedding]. She's sick.

Santana: No, Brit. She can't poop and I don't think that's going to kill her.

Brittany: Tell that to fat Elvis.

 

Brittany: Thanks, Dr. Walgreens.

 

Santana: Now let's go humor a bunch of tone deaf losers by acting surprised when we walk into this auditorium.

Brittany and Santana: Ahhhh!

Link to comment
ElectricBoogaloo

ElectricBoogaloo

  • Author

Will: No one goes after one of my friends and gets away with it!

Sue: Except me. I always go after your friends and I've never not gotten away with it.

 

Dave: Do me a favor. Don't sing it. Just say it.

 

Will: Do the kids have any personal problems?

Kurt: We don't really know. We don't spend too much time talking to them.

  • Love 1
Link to comment
ElectricBoogaloo

ElectricBoogaloo

  • Author

Tina: I got the ring and everything!

Artie: Tina, I love you, but this is kind of crazy.

Tina: Is it really so crazy for a girl to ask a boy for their hand in marriage these days?

Artie: When you're not even dating the boy?

Puck: Yes, it is.

 

Artie: I have my concerns but if this is what you really want, then of course I support you.

Link to comment
tab19

tab19

Vote for funniest interchange in 6.08:

 

Kurt:  I know who can officiate!

Brittany:  Who?!

Kurt:  Burt!

Brittany:  Who is...

Kurt:  Burt Hummel!

Brittany:  I don't.. I don't know who that is...

Kurt: It's my dad.

Sam (walking by):  It's his dad.

Brittany:  Your... yes.

 

Unfortunately, this loses a lot of the humor without the visual. Heather and Chris were absolutely great in this scene:  Heather with the bewilderment, and Chris says 'It's muh dad' in SUCH a tone. And the interjection from Chord is pretty perfect. 

  • Love 1
Link to comment
ElectricBoogaloo

ElectricBoogaloo

  • Author

Sue: Let's reward failure because while America is struggling with type 2 diabetes, China is colonizing Mars.

 

Roderick: Were you just flirting with him? Was that flirting?

Spencer: You wouldn't understand. You're not a player like me.

Roderick: That was the weirdest thing I've ever seen. If you think that's romantic, then you're not a player. You're kind of a creeper.

 

Rachel: [The New New New Directions] are quiet. You know, they're very like within themselves.

Will:  Quiet because you're always talking?

  • Love 1
Link to comment
shantown

shantown

(edited)

"Life only has one beginning and one end. The rest is just a whole lot of middle." -Will Schuester

What a perfect metaphor for this show. It had a beginning (1x01 "Pilot") and an end (3x22 "Goodbye") and the rest was a whole lot of middle, even the stuff that was after the "end."

Edited by shantown
Link to comment
AndySmith

AndySmith

(edited)

Finn: How do we know he's not gonna just get us to do something stupid so his alma mater wins?

Jesse: I don't think I need to do much tricking to get you to do something stupid, Finn.

 

Artie: I'm getting cold feet about doing this.
Brittany: Can you even feel your feet?

 

Holly: Hi, I'm Holly Holliday.

Terri: Are you a porn star or a drag queen?

 

Will: I just want you to know, you can lean on me right now.

Sue: Oh William, I wouldn't dare lean on you. So much grease in your hair I'd probably slide right off.

 

Emma: I'm so proud of you, Will. It has been quite a journey to get to this place and you've made it the whole way without losing your integrity. Except for those days when you were rapping.

 

Tina: I'm so stupid! What kind of idiot does this?
Mike: You...

 

Santana: The only straight I am is a straight up bitch.

 

Santana: I've kissed Finn, and can I just say? Not worth a buck. I would, however, pay a hundred dollars to jiggle one of his man-boobs.

 

Santana: How can you do a duet with yourself? That's like, vocal masturbation, or something.

 

Quinn: (To Rachel) You used to be just sort of unlikeable, but now I pretty much feel like punching you every time you talk.

 

Kurt: (To Rachel) Blaine is the first in a long line of conflicted men that you will date that will turn out to be only the most flaming of homosexuals.

Edited by AndySmith
  • Love 1
Link to comment
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...