I Once Took A Donkey And Some Honeycomb Into... : Jokes!

[HissyFit]

On 8/20/2023 at 1:03 PM, Laura Holt said:

 

Quite a few designers do this for video or photo shoots, not just for a more neutral background but to provide privacy for the clients. (I've used a magnifying glass to read book titles in homes featured in magazines.) However, they don't expect the clients to live like this after the cameras depart.

[JustHereForFood]

1 hour ago, HissyFit said:

(I've used a magnifying glass to read book titles in homes featured in magazines.) 

I'm always looking at those too.

[RealityCheck]

I debated whether to post this video (Letters Live, cats vs dogs) here, in Humor, or in Pets but decided it belonged here because it just tickled my funny bone so much.

Edited September 2, 2023 by RealityCheck

[Laura Holt]

[Laura Holt]

[Laura Holt]

[Laura Holt]

[JustHereForFood]

 

[Laura Holt]

[Browncoat]

Heh.  I told someone once that I had a solar clothes dryer, and they started asking me all these technical questions about how to operate it, and how well it works.  The look on their face, as realization set in when I said, "Well, it works pretty well, and I operate it by taking my wet clothes outside with these little wooden springy things..."

[annzeepark914]

Back in the day, when clothes, sheets & towels came in from hanging on a line, they smelled so fresh. And then, somewhere along the way, anything I hung outside to dry turned stiff, rough and didn't have a nice smell. Would that be from air pollution and the make up of modern fabrics?

[HissyFit]

On 10/15/2023 at 6:08 PM, annzeepark914 said:

Back in the day, when clothes, sheets & towels came in from hanging on a line, they smelled so fresh. And then, somewhere along the way, anything I hung outside to dry turned stiff, rough and didn't have a nice smell. Would that be from air pollution and the make up of modern fabrics?

I think this question was meant for a different topic (Pet Peeves, perhaps?), but I don't know how to move stuff.

Phosphates once helped detergents clean better by separating and removing soap and mineral residues. But phosphates cause problems in the environment, so they were banned in the mid-'90s. I understand the reasoning, but I miss the old, better-performing detergents.

Edited October 20, 2023 by HissyFit
typo

[Bastet]

15 hours ago, HissyFit said:

but I don't know how to move stuff.

Use the multi-quote function; it's the + to the left of the ".  Just click that, go to the thread you want to reply to it in, and click on the Quote 1 (or 2, if you selected two posts to quote, etc.) post button that will be sort of hovering on the ride side of your screen, and it will be pasted into that new thread.

[Laura Holt]

[Laura Holt]

[Laura Holt]

[stewedsquash]

Two dyslexics walk into a bra

—-

Seriously, if the earth was really flat cats would have pushed everything off the edge by now.

[HissyFit]

What if soy milk is just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish?

[HissyFit]

I'm afraid of elevators, so I take steps to avoid them.

[JustHereForFood]

[stewedsquash]

Favorite part is things keep blowing up

[HissyFit]

There were so many different birds to create that God grew weary during the process. When he got to "duck," he said, "Oh, heck, just make a chicken waterproof and give it a kazoo."

[annzeepark914]

"Avoid disappointment...aim low" --Carleton the Doorman, The Rhoda Show.

[HissyFit]

     I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle. I bought a bottle of scotch and put it in my bicycle basket.
     As I was about to leave, it occurred to me that if I fell off the bike, the bottle of scotch would break and be wasted. So I drank the whole bottle before I cycled home.
     It turned out to be a wise decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times before I made it home.

[HissyFit]

I hope the guy who invented AutoCorrect burns in hello.

[RealityCheck]

Not a joke per se but I just found this hysterical and had to share: Taika Waititi reads a hilarious letter about a speeding ticket.

[HissyFit]

I'm tired of people who complain about everything.

$2.00 for a cup of coffee.

$3.00 for a coat check.

$4.00 an hour for parking.

I'm just going to stop inviting them to my house.

[HissyFit]

Wild critters kept eating the fish in my neighbor's koi pond, so she bought some fake ones.

They're dekois.

[Dimity]

[Dimity]

[ABay]

I love Philomena.

[Dimity]

One of those that makes me wonder how many people under 40?  would get the joke:

[Dimity]

oops

 

Edited July 13 by Dimity

[Dimity]

[Anela]

[Anela]

[Dimity]

[Anela]

[annzeepark914]

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken".  Oscar Wilde.

[ebk57]

1 hour ago, annzeepark914 said:

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken".  Oscar Wilde.

I have a coffee mug with that on it. 

 

Which totally does not belong in this thread, but it's here now.  

[Dimity]

[peacheslatour]

A father passing by his son's bedroom noticed the room unusually clean and saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that mari*juana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Josh
P.S . Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home.

[Anela]

https://www.facebook.com/iloveshowpo/videos/1923370454345511

[Dimity]

 

 

Edited July 19 by Dimity

[Dimity]

[Dimity]

[Jaded]

[Dimity]

[Dimity]

[Anela]