Online Dating: Swiping Right Or Left?

[oliviabenson]

On 4/14/2024 at 9:10 PM, RealHousewife said:

Has anyone had luck dating lately? I'd love for someone to give me hope. :)

NO.

[oliviabenson]

Guys be approaching me irl. Great right? NO! Either homeless or looking to use me in any way they can. Also why ask if I have kids when they look for hook ups. Or where I live/who I live with. Most are too old on top of that…

 

One guy is interested in me but he’s disabled, at least he isn’t homeless/no kids. 

[SunnyBeBe]

15 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

Guys be approaching me irl. Great right? NO! Either homeless or looking to use me in any way they can. Also why ask if I have kids when they look for hook ups. Or where I live/who I live with. Most are too old on top of that…

 

One guy is interested in me but he’s disabled, at least he isn’t homeless/no kids. 

Does it matter what type of site you use? What about paid sites?  It seems those who are serious about dating would be motivated to join those.
 

 I have no issue with someone with health issues. They may have a lot to offer.  I’m not sure how much I should  offer about myself.  My photo looks really healthy, but I manage a couple of things well that might not be apparent, like T1 diabetes.  It could be a turnoff, I suppose.

[oliviabenson]

5 hours ago, SunnyBeBe said:

Does it matter what type of site you use? What about paid sites?  It seems those who are serious about dating would be motivated to join those.
 

 I have no issue with someone with health issues. They may have a lot to offer.  I’m not sure how much I should  offer about myself.  My photo looks really healthy, but I manage a couple of things well that might not be apparent, like T1 diabetes.  It could be a turnoff, I suppose.

My bestie paid for match.com. It was a terrible experience because guys she matched with we’re not looking for anything serious either.

The guy with disabilities has a lot of issues from a stroke. He is not even 45 and it affected him a lot. He lives with his mom and bad mouths her constantly which is even a bigger turn off.

[RealHousewife]

15 minutes ago, oliviabenson said:

My bestie paid for match.com. It was a terrible experience because guys she matched with we’re not looking for anything serious either.

The guy with disabilities has a lot of issues from a stroke. He is not even 45 and it affected him a lot. He lives with his mom and bad mouths her constantly which is even a bigger turn off.

I'm absolutely open to guys with disabilities, but I am leery of men who bad mouth their mothers. I get some mothers are horrible, but I've noticed that men who are very vocal about their terrible mothers (or allegedly terrible mothers) tend to not be very nice guys or respectful of women.

[oliviabenson]

1 hour ago, RealHousewife said:

I'm absolutely open to guys with disabilities, but I am leery of men who bad mouth their mothers. I get some mothers are horrible, but I've noticed that men who are very vocal about their terrible mothers (or allegedly terrible mothers) tend to not be very nice guys or respectful of women.

He gets disability which is not enough to live alone. He looks like he needs a lot of help tbh. If it wasn’t for his mom he’d be in a worse situation imo. He has speech problems and it’s hard to understand him.

He’s not my type anyways.

[SunnyBeBe]

I want someone who shares an interest in good nutrition and fitness, because that is important to me.  I’m not sure how that is going to work out with the man I am currently dating.  I hope it comes together.  

[RealHousewife]

I really want a respectful guy who makes me feel special. I've gotten so many men who neg me, talk about other women, and see all women as sex objects. I was literally shocked when certain men hit on me just because I thought they wanted to be with so and so or surely they wouldn't speak like that around a woman they were attracted to. 

I don't need some over the top romantic who writes poetry about me or pretends he's blind to beautiful women, just very basic manners and politeness. 

Are there any men here who can explain why some guys think women will be flattered to know we're one of many women you want to sleep with? I can be insecure, but I am not that insecure. 

[oliviabenson]

22 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

I really want a respectful guy who makes me feel special. I've gotten so many men who neg me, talk about other women, and see all women as sex objects. I was literally shocked when certain men hit on me just because I thought they wanted to be with so and so or surely they wouldn't speak like that around a woman they were attracted to. 

I don't need some over the top romantic who writes poetry about me or pretends he's blind to beautiful women, just very basic manners and politeness. 

Are there any men here who can explain why some guys think women will be flattered to know we're one of many women you want to sleep with? I can be insecure, but I am not that insecure. 

They do not exist. Internet let most men to have and express appalling behavior. No need to act like a gentleman when apps are full of women they can harass and traumatize.

Never ending pool of female victims basically. If a women asks for food in exchange for “the horizontal polka” she is a Ho. Guys sent me screenshots of women asking for food in exchange for the polka. yep $10 for a snack makes her a ho.
 

 

Guy saying come sit on my face is apparently ok by third or forth message. 
 

 

What a wonderful time to be a woman ! /sarcasm 

[oliviabenson]

My question is why the men ask if I have kids. If they only looking for a hook up or to move in with me because they are homeless or something.

now I say yep I live with family and had 5 kids taken by cps. No point in being honest and sweet like my real self.

Being alone sucks but my options are: homeless, married who wants to cheat,  old old guys, or hook ups. I gave up, I didn’t want to give up but options are non existent. There is like no one to settle for never mind getting butterflies with and wanting genuine connections. 
 

Let’s see how long until my posts get deleted and I get banned. 
 

 

[RealHousewife]

16 hours ago, isalicat said:

This thread is getting tremendously sad. My experience is that there are lots of truly great guys out there...and maybe its a question of where you are looking. My late husband was introduced to me by mutual friends but the important thing is that we held fundamental beliefs and interests in common. So I would suggest doing stuff in life that is important to you, and then looking around at who else is doing that too...those are the people to befriend, and then they might know someone for you to meet and date...

Random individuals are going to be random, right? And if all you want is another warm body, then that is what you will get. So its all about being a self sufficient impactful individual in your particular space, and then attracting like minded people as friends...and then you go from there. And at the risk of being banned: Cheer the f**k up! No one of consequence wants to hang around negativity.

Oh I agree. I still believe there are lots of wonderful guys. It just seems like the ones who are most aggressively after me, not so much. I pushed away a lot of nice guys in the past due to my own issues. I'm trying not to repeat that now. 

 

[oliviabenson]

9 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

Oh I agree. I still believe there are lots of wonderful guys. It just seems like the ones who are most aggressively after me, not so much. I pushed away a lot of nice guys in the past due to my own issues. I'm trying not to repeat that now. 

 

Nice guys are not online imo. Where are they? Who knows. 
 

You want a few 70 year old guys? I get a few of those or 50.

The rest are basically homeless and looking for a new home… 

I should avoid posting on here because it depresses me on my updates of more donkeys.

Hope you meet a nice guy soon ❤️.

[Anela]

18 hours ago, isalicat said:

This thread is getting tremendously sad. My experience is that there are lots of truly great guys out there...and maybe its a question of where you are looking. My late husband was introduced to me by mutual friends but the important thing is that we held fundamental beliefs and interests in common. So I would suggest doing stuff in life that is important to you, and then looking around at who else is doing that too...those are the people to befriend, and then they might know someone for you to meet and date...

Random individuals are going to be random, right? And if all you want is another warm body, then that is what you will get. So its all about being a self sufficient impactful individual in your particular space, and then attracting like minded people as friends...and then you go from there. And at the risk of being banned: Cheer the f**k up! No one of consequence wants to hang around negativity.

I've experienced what they're talking about, and I gave up. Open to it happening, but it hasn't. There are a lot of men out there, like the ones they're describing. there were the pick-up "artist" lot, spreading their gross self-help for men (that hurts women). Negging is one of those things. I think no-one of consequence would avoid someone because they aren't always cheerful. 

I have friends who are positive, self-confident, educated women who are financially stable, and they have had trouble finding a partner. 

Edited May 13 by Anela

[Anela]

1 hour ago, RealHousewife said:

Oh I agree. I still believe there are lots of wonderful guys. It just seems like the ones who are most aggressively after me, not so much. I pushed away a lot of nice guys in the past due to my own issues. I'm trying not to repeat that now. 

 

 

1 hour ago, oliviabenson said:

Nice guys are not online imo. Where are they? Who knows. 
 

You want a few 70 year old guys? I get a few of those or 50.

The rest are basically homeless and looking for a new home… 

I should avoid posting on here because it depresses me on my updates of more donkeys.

Hope you meet a nice guy soon ❤️.

I hope you both find who and what you're looking for. I remember getting hit on by men who were 50+ when I was in my twenties and thirties. the few times I tried online dating, and I just wanted to meet someone my own age. Not that they were much better.

I've mentioned some of this before, like the guy who turned 36, and promptly changed his age to something younger, so that he would show up in the searches of younger women. He wasn't the only one. In his profile, he said he lied about one thing, and he would tell them what he'd lied about, when they met for a date. I remember a 50+ guy who tried to match with me. He had his age limit for women, set at 43. This was over ten years ago. I started mentioning this stuff in my own profile, and another guy who messaged me, admitted that he was ten years older - he was 49, not 39! I'm not saying there aren't good guys out there, I just haven't met them. 

Edited May 13 by Anela

[Lisa418722]

Dating is horrendous in today's world unless you get lucky and meet "cute in the real world."  And then I still wouldn't completely trust that it's safe.  I think I'm too jaded to meet anyone.  There are guys facing retirement that will check "want kids" in their profile.  I don't know if it's because they want the woman to know that isn't an issue or if they really want kids.  At this point in my life, I want to think about retirement in the future.  

Too many older men are looking for, as the saying goes, a nurse or a purse.  I have no purse and I'm not a nurse, so I move on and decide it's not worth it.  

[oliviabenson]

2 hours ago, Anela said:

I've experienced what they're talking about, and I gave up. Open to it happening, but it hasn't. There are a lot of men out there, like the ones they're describing. there were the pick-up "artist" lot, spreading their gross self-help for men (that hurts women). Negging is one of those things. I think no-one of consequence would avoid someone because they aren't always cheerful. 

I have friends who are positive, self-confident, educated women who are financially stable, and they have had trouble finding a partner. 

I’m sorry you didn’t find anyone yet either, 

There a lot of basically homeless or barely employed guys who are looking for a woman to mooch off. 

2 hours ago, Anela said:

 

I hope you both find who and what you're looking for. I remember getting hit on by men who were 50+ when I was in my twenties and thirties. the few times I tried online dating, and I just wanted to meet someone my own age. Not that they were much better.

I've mentioned some of this before, like the guy who turned 36, and promptly changed his age to something younger, so that he would show up in the searches of younger women. He wasn't the only one. In his profile, he said he lied about one thing, and he would tell them what he'd lied about, when they met for a date. I remember a 50+ guy who tried to match with me. He had his age limit for women, set at 43. This was over ten years ago. I started mentioning this stuff in my own profile, and another guy who messaged me, admitted that he was ten years older - he was 49, not 39! I'm not saying there aren't good guys out there, I just haven't met them. 

lying about age and height is so annoying and wrong. And if they are employed or have kids already. And of course saying in their profile looking for a relationship while they are looking for a hook up or fwb…

[CM-BlueButterfly]

Hi everyone,

a couple of posts were removed for criticizing a fellow poster on a personal level. 

Please remember that relationships can be a very personal and complex topic. The feelings involved as well as the experiences we’ve made vary greatly. For some of us, those experiences are good, for others, they aren’t.

Negativity can be disheartening and affect our posting experience; it’s understandable if it gets upsetting. However, this is the place to vent those feelings (provided there are no insults, stereotyping or attacks on a personal level).
So, instead of criticizing a fellow poster, I’d like to encourage you to put yourself into the other person’s shoes. Keep in mind how your words may come across to other posters. Consider how you would feel if you were looking for a partner and a had a string of bad luck.
Understanding the other poster’s perspective and/or situation can help turn disagreements to support and encouragement and take conversations into a different, more constructive, direction. 

Thank you and carry on. 

[RealHousewife]

I hope it’s okay to ask here. I’ve been very open about my body image issues holding me back from taking dating seriously. I’ve turned a lot of guys down. 

Men here, or women who want to chime in as well, would you absolutely hate if you dated a woman who was very uncomfortable with her clothes off? Like, prefer lights off or low when intimate?

I am not a supermodel, but I get a lot of men who approach me because they think I’m pretty and lots of body compliments. I have a history of disordered eating and body dysmorphia. I am a lot more body confident than I used to be, but I’m still terrified that the men who want me for my appearance will be disappointed to see some scars, cellulite, see me with my makeup off, etc.

I’ve heard so many misogynistic and gross comments from men about other women. I know if they say that stuff about them, they’d say it about me too. I don’t know if there is a way to weed out men who just want me for my body or what. I definitely run from men who are very forward. I keep waiting for a sweetheart gentleman to just pop into my life and make me feel safe, but it hasn’t happened. I guess that means I need to get out more or even get on an app, but I’m still pretty terrified.

[supposebly]

If the first and the second thing a man says to you is a comment about your looks, I would run.

But I have my own issues. Some people tell me I overreact. I don't think so.

[StatisticalOutlier]

12 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

I don’t know if there is a way to weed out men who just want me for my body or what.

Maybe don't make your body available to them until their actions have shown you that they don't just want you for your body?

[RealHousewife]

11 hours ago, supposebly said:

If the first and the second thing a man says to you is a comment about your looks, I would run.

But I have my own issues. Some people tell me I overreact. I don't think so.

Thank you for your input. I think some guys might just be trying to be nice, but it does concern me a bit when that's the approach. 

28 minutes ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

Maybe don't make your body available to them until their actions have shown you that they don't just want you for your body?

Yeah, that is good advice. It's just sad that in this culture, I feel like there is pressure to move more quickly to physical stuff than I am comfortable with. I wish I could get to know someone without dating! 

[Bastet]

14 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

I’m still terrified that the men who want me for my appearance will be disappointed to see some scars, cellulite, see me with my makeup off, etc.

Men who want you solely for your appearance should never be responded to, but it's not always possible to weed them out in the early stages.  But they show themselves pretty quickly as things progress, at which point they should not be rewarded by seeing you naked, let alone having sex with you; dump their asses.

[Ancaster]

.

Edited July 20 by Ancaster

[Cloud9Shopper]

Not really online dating since I know this person face to face and we did not meet online but:  

Last night a guy I know from church asked me to accompany him to his birthday party/very belated Christmas party next month. (The Christmas party is for an organization he’s in at the church.) I said I may have to work on that date, which is true, and he immediately said OK and then asked me out again to a different event in a couple weeks. On that date my sister and brother in law as well as my niece will be in town. And yes I could spend time with them that Friday but…I just didn’t feel excited at all when this person asked me to go with them to their events. You’d think I would be. He’s very nice in person and well-liked in general; it’s just that I don’t see myself doing date-like things with him, partially because he is at likely at least 10 years older than me and also because I’m not that physically attracted to him and he’s not someone I’d be interested in if I didn’t know who he was. 

The other thing is that dating just stresses me out. I think about doing it but then I feel freaked out and not willing to go on any dates whatsoever. I know it’s not “normal” per se, but I just really like my independence and don’t like the idea of all the work that goes into dating. Plus, the guys who are interested in me I have never liked back for one reason or the other (sloppy dress on dates, getting clingy too quickly, etc.). 

At this point, I’m not sure if I should deal with the issues and anxiety that keep me from dating. Nobody really bothers me or asks anyway except my mom. When I’ve seemed stressed out or depressed in the past she keeps saying I need a “companion”, just someone to have travel with or go to dinner with because “you don’t have to marry them!” or has lamented in the past that I just won’t give guys a chance or let them in. I mean, I know that having a dinner with someone doesn’t equal marriage. But at the end of the day, I’m happy by myself most of the time. I don’t think going through all the work to go on dates and accepting dates “to give someone a chance” is worth giving up my independence either. 

Edited December 17 by Cloud9Shopper

[supposebly]

How I see it, why go if you don't feel like going?

 

[Bastet]

2 hours ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

I know it’s not “normal”

Yes, it is.  Different people have different preferences when it comes to dating and more serious romantic relationships.  None of them are abnormal. 

If you're happy being single, and dating just feels like a hassle you'd be forcing yourself to temporarily endure, why would you agree to it unless someone you felt at least potentially excited about asked you out/you met someone you'd like to ask out?

There is no "You'd think I'd be interested because X" -- you're not.  That's all there is to it; it doesn't matter what he thinks, or your mom, or anybody else.  You don't want to say yes, so say no.