Online Dating: Swiping Right Or Left?

[aradia22]

New first message (sort of)

Quote

Hey there (smiling blushing emoji)

Looking for good sex ,promise Im not a serial killer (crying face emoji)

I feel so wooed. Also, he must have forgotten that we briefly talked in fall 2015. Shame, he's quite attractive.

[Lantern7]

I'm e-mailing with one woman, on OKC with another. The former's situation is frustrating . . . health concerns and pets passing away. I don't hate her for that, I'm aware that shit can happen anytime/anywhere, but I'm a teeny bit concerned that I may have inadvertently wrecked her life. I know, so stupid, but I think of that now and then.

Are guys allowed to blush online? Or use that emoji?

[ratgirlagogo]

4 hours ago, Lantern7 said:

I'm e-mailing with one woman, on OKC with another. The former's situation is frustrating . . . health concerns and pets passing away. I don't hate her for that, I'm aware that shit can happen anytime/anywhere, but I'm a teeny bit concerned that I may have inadvertently wrecked her life.

What the.......WHY???????

Unless you poisoned her or killed her pets (which if you did YOU'RE A MONSTER LINDA) how can you have wrecked anything about her life?  

[Lantern7]

Bad luck, @ratgirlagogo. I know, I'm not being rational and I'm all dark-humoring about the idea that I jinxed her or something, but it does suck in general. Right now, I just want to meet her, and I think we'd vibe well enough for future dates.

Edited April 3, 2018 by Lantern7

[ratgirlagogo]

Hey, calm down.  With all the bad shit going on in her life I bet talking with you is one of the few things she's enjoying at present.  Good luck.

[DeLurker]

17 hours ago, Lantern7 said:

I'm a teeny bit concerned that I may have inadvertently wrecked her life.

Unless you have some form of supernatural power, that is irrational (as you know).  And if you do have supernatural power, you should use it for good.

[JTMacc99]

2 hours ago, nosleepforme said:

So it's kind of weird and I wonder if you can be friends with someone that you have dated?

50 reasons yes, 50 reasons no. Depends on the people, the intensity of the feelings, the reason you stopped dating, the time that has passed, and on and on.

If you want to give it a shot, in my experience, by far the most important step is to be open with feelings so that you don't have to guess when you are stepping on the other person and he or she knows where you stand.

[aradia22]

What @JTMacc99 said. Some people can absolutely be friends with benefits despite what rom-coms and sitcoms might tell you. But everyone has to be honest and clear about what they want so no feelings get hurt. And unlike all those stories (as well as cheating relationships where you're the other person) you can't be hanging around hoping that they'll leave their partner or stop dating other people if that's what you agreed to. 

I'm still find the polyamory/open relationship/whatever thing so weird on dating sites. If it's just a way to say you're dating other people I don't get why the labels are necessary except to say 'I will never commit to you because this is kind of my thing.' And with the people who are actually in very committed relationships (including a lot of marriages) I just find it so offputting given my own views on marriage. Why get married in the first place (if not for citizenship, tax benefits, etc.) if you're going to want to be with other people? It's not the 1800's. You can be with someone without being married. So why do it if you aren't interested in monogamy? I'm possibly also salty because I would probably match well with a lot of these open relationship guys and instead I seem to be wading through randos and Instagram models/people who have professional photos for some reason right now on okc. I took an unofficial break for a while just because I was busy but I haven't come back to anything great. 

[Bastet]

8 hours ago, nosleepforme said:

I wonder if you can be friends with someone that you have dated?

Definitely, but there are a lot of factors that have to exist for that to be feasible between any two people.  And those factors are different depending on whether you want to be friends, or friends with benefits.

[aradia22]

New first messages. I got an invitation to "smoke and chill" which I swiped left on before I could write it down.

Also

Quote

Good afternoon you so beautiful your beauty is incredible

I swear this used to be easier before I turned 25. Maybe before 24 even. I mean, there's always been nonsense but I feel like I could count on a few decent connections once in a while and this has been a very long dry spell.

[JTMacc99]

12 hours ago, aradia22 said:

this has been a very long dry spell.

It's just hard. And the negativity can feed on itself. 

I really hope you find a bright spot in all of this stuff sometime soon. 

[aradia22]

For some reason as I was swiping through okc today I was seeing a lot of messages. This one stopped me in my tracks.

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You definitely the wave (wave emoji) you mad pretty baby girl, where ya cute ass from ? And how long u been single ? I'm tryna change that #deadasstho (nerdy emoji)

Also

Quote

Hey! So I just asked Siri what I should say to cute a girl on OkCupid...

And???

[Moose135]

That first one sounds like a keeper, @aradia22 ;-)

Edited April 11, 2018 by Moose135

[emma675]

WTF does #deadasstho mean??

[JTMacc99]

47 minutes ago, emma675 said:

WTF does #deadasstho mean??

It means "block this person from any future contact".

[possibilities]

Does that kind of message work with ANYONE?

[aradia22]

I think he meant #datasstho. I never thought people used voice to text until I started watching the hilarious Vanity Fair celebrity Tinder takeover series. It could be a voice to text mistake or autocorrect.

My ideal approach is a combination of Seth Rogen and Jim Gaffigan.

Seth has no hesitation sorting out the people who look suspicious and Jim has way too much fun with the whole thing but also takes the time to do targeted quips.

[JTMacc99]

Okay, I watched the first bit of each of these and laughed out loud at both. Gaffigan's first message to that guy "I like your coat and Trump" and then he says, let's see how he responds to that...  Hee! I'm definitely going to come back to these later tonight.

[aradia22]

Quote

Hi (my name redacted), you’re a natural beauty

New first message. Well, that's nice. Sigh... I was going to try to go on at least one date this month or maybe next week before I go on vacation but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. I am carrying on a conversation with one guy but I'm not super attracted to him and I feel like this might be getting into pen pal territory. 

Edited April 25, 2018 by aradia22

[Lantern7]

I've been talking a lot, and I was feeling like I was inching closer to meeting up with a few of them. But they haven't answered back in the last few days. It's probably nothing to worry about, but given the lack of social life I have, I'm a little unnerved.

[Lantern7]

Went on a date It went very well. Lots and lots of overlap. While I'm still expecting the other shoe to drop (because I'm neurotic, you see), I think a second date is possible.

Down side is that I heard from the other lady I have been chatting with. Turns out she didn't answer my messages because she was in the hospital. She's been having a lot of maladies, and I feel for her. I could see us being friends . . . though I don't know if that's part of her long-term plan.

[Lantern7]

Texted the woman I saw last week, and everything seems good. As for the other woman . . . how can I tell her that I want to be friends with her at minimum? She's nice, sweet, and open to seeing me, but her health hasn't been too good. I don't see her as a "Plan B" or anything like that. It's just that I would want to meet her, date her, and see where things go. And I feel positive that we could have a connection. But I understand if she gets to a point where dating anybody would be problematic for her. I'd say that, but I'd wind up doing it in a way where I'd kick myself in the teeth.

[possibilities]

I'm confused. You want to meet her, date her, and see where it goes. Isn't that how things usually work? What is the problem with that?

It sounds like you like her and feel a connection but are worried she's not up for dating. If that's the problem, speaking for myself, I wouldn't mind a clarifying question: "I'm under the impression you're not looking to date anyone. Is that correct?"

Also, are you sure you're not projecting onto her? If you connected to her on a dating site, I think it's pretty likely she IS up for dating, unless her profile says something like: "not looking for dates, just looking for friends."

I have a chronic illness and sometimes people imagine all kinds of stuff about me and my life that doesn't really have any relationship to what my reality is actually like. There are ways my health impacts my life, but I am pretty good at knowing what that involves and communicating about it, so I would let her take the lead in describing what kind of accommodations she might need, and not get too far ahead of things.

But it's also possible I'm not really getting the full picture of what is going on here, because I don't really understand what the problem is with what you said you wanted and why you think it might come off badly.

[Lantern7]

@possibilities . . . I think she wants to meet me, but things have been going on with her to put that off. At minimum, I'd like to be friends with her, but I still want to meet her with the prospect of being more than that.

Apologies if that sounds garbled. Sometimes, it's hard to convey what's going on inside my head.

[Lantern7]

Update: the lady I dated last Sunday? No spark for her, and she’s moving on. Now I have one semi-regular acquaintance via OKC, and the slow dread that I won’t get a second date with her either. As you can imagine, I’m glass-half-empty about this.

[aradia22]

New first message

Quote

Hey ! 
Just here for three evenings! Looking for someone to hang out with! 
Staying at Manhattan!
Would be interested in coffee or a hot chocolate or beer?
I am working for my own venture! 
I have Done engineering and post grad post that!
Love food- like to try all sorts of 
food !

Another new first message

Quote

Hi (redacted)! My name is (redacted). I’m a graduate student at NYU and an amateur masseur. How are you?

Sigh... I'm going to try sending my own first messages again soon. I promise. Otherwise I'm definitely going to be alone forever.

[Snarryfan]

On 4/4/2018 at 2:03 PM, aradia22 said:

 

I'm still find the polyamory/open relationship/whatever thing so weird on dating sites. If it's just a way to say you're dating other people I don't get why the labels are necessary except to say 'I will never commit to you because this is kind of my thing.' And with the people who are actually in very committed relationships (including a lot of marriages) I just find it so offputting given my own views on marriage. Why get married in the first place (if not for citizenship, tax benefits, etc.) if you're going to want to be with other people? It's not the 1800's. You can be with someone without being married. So why do it if you aren't interested in monogamy? I'm possibly also salty because I would probably match well with a lot of these open relationship guys and instead I seem to be wading through randos and Instagram models/people who have professional photos for some reason right now on okc. I took an unofficial break for a while just because I was busy but I haven't come back to anything great. 

Poly people do form commitments to more than one person--and sometimes the members of the couple are both seeing the new person.

 

As for open marriages--it can be fun for the single person. You get to be the naughty guest star in someone's fantasy and then leave.  Everyone has fun and often you become friends. Whenever I read this thread I remember why I have no interest in online dating but doing what I do I get to have fun, meet nice people, and enjoy myself in a safe environment.

[aradia22]

I know I said I wasn't going to do this but I have not gone on a date in forever so fuck it. I'm going to try and be open to matches I'm not so excited about. Who knows? Maybe we'll click in person even if I'm not the most attracted to their photos or there are one or two things on their profile or the messages we're exchanging aren't sparking anything. I need to go on a date again, damn it. Obviously, I'm doing this within reason. No one who seems like axe murderer. Speaking of which... my favorite profile that I've come across recently.

Quote

My self-summary

I am a little doggie

Current goal

Beeing a puppy.

1 profile picture... sketchy af poorly lit camera phone screenshot sitting on a couch, partially nude

[JTMacc99]

19 hours ago, aradia22 said:

I need to go on a date again, damn it.

I hear you! I am trying really hard to sort out some stuff that will eventually make dating easier for me, but good lord. If I don't have a conversation soon with somebody leading to possible actual human contact, I'm going join a kickboxing class just so somebody can kick me in the head or make some other seriously bad decision. 

[aradia22]

I struck up a conversation with a guy working in criminal law who is getting his masters. He had a slightly iffy profile but there was enough good to at least make me curious in this new mindset. Things were going well. He suggested dinner and a show. But then he wanted to skip the small talk and ask about the real stuff and so I asked about how he treats women/privilege/bias and everything went to shit. I feel like he's probably not a terrible person but he definitely has misogynistic views even if he just sees them as reflections of his personal experience. I don't know if I can deal with this. 

I also started talking to a high school English teacher who is going to grad school who I am not the most attracted to but who otherwise seems really nice. 

I also had a very brief interaction with a guy who responded to stuff in my profile.

[DeLurker]

Take a hard pass on criminal mind.

[Lantern7]

Quick question: if I have gotten to know a woman via email and messaging apps, but we haven’t talked or met, is it acceptable to keep looking online? I’ve gotten a few “likes” lately, but I feel good about the lady. Of course, it could go to shit, so maybe I need options.

@aradia22 . . . maybe we could meet on a practice date. I could show you not to settle on the tools that keep contacting you. Or something. ?‍♂️

ETA: Would "warmup date" be a more appropriate term?

Edited June 5, 2018 by Lantern7

[Moose135]

13 hours ago, Lantern7 said:

Quick question: if I have gotten to know a woman via email and messaging apps, but we haven’t talked or met, is it acceptable to keep looking online? I’ve gotten a few “likes” lately, but I feel good about the lady. Of course, it could go to shit, so maybe I need options.

You haven't spoken yet, never mind been on a date?  There's nothing wrong with continuing to look at this point.

[Bastet]

On 6/4/2018 at 10:01 AM, Lantern7 said:

Quick question: if I have gotten to know a woman via email and messaging apps, but we haven’t talked or met, is it acceptable to keep looking online?

Goodness, yes; that's a long way away from the point of exclusivity -- you're not even dating yet.  Good luck.

[Lantern7]

@Bastet & @Moose135 . . . well, we've gotten along great online. She's been having trouble with her phone, so that's why we haven't talked. That's why I feel a little weird responding to likes, even when there's a lot of overlap.

[KnoxForPres]

On 5/15/2018 at 12:05 PM, Snarryfan said:

Poly people do form commitments to more than one person--and sometimes the members of the couple are both seeing the new person.

 

As for open marriages--it can be fun for the single person. You get to be the naughty guest star in someone's fantasy and then leave.  Everyone has fun and often you become friends. Whenever I read this thread I remember why I have no interest in online dating but doing what I do I get to have fun, meet nice people, and enjoy myself in a safe environment.

I think that’s a fair comment but I don’t think it should apply to mainstream dating sites. I’ve not looked and don’t care to even for research but I’ve got to think sites exist if that is a person’s goal. 

The match.com and eharmony etc ads I see on tv show single people looking for “the one” or success stories (though I can’t stand that one lady who says “we aren’t awkward- well he’s awkward “ (or something like that). Also the girl with the hat on match gets on my nerves. 

They boast the hope of finding a loving, monogamous relationship. Which is reasonable. That’s why I’d join one.  

My issue with online dating is it turns us into hyper critical searchers swiping or dismissing people on a whim who may in fact have been “the one”.  I cringe to think what my current (who I think is the one) boyfriends profile or even correspondence would have been. I would have dismissed immediately I’m ashamed to say. 

He’s not my MO on looks, he lacks a college degree but we met in real life so my judgment was set to normal instead of “oh hell no”.   And he’s the greatest guy I’ve ever or could hope to date. 

When I did eharmony I went out with a pediatric radiologist who was so odd and socially stunted. My father had broken his leg and I told him about it and he texted “how is the patient?”  The hell?  That’s my dad!

So looking good or having a kick ass profile is all fine and dandy but I stand by people must meet either in person even if you kinda think they’re ok or organically bc you just never know when you go home that night and have the best feeling of- I have to see him/her again. 

[aradia22]

Quote

So looking good or having a kick ass profile is all fine and dandy but I stand by people must meet either in person even if you kinda think they’re ok or organically bc you just never know when you go home that night and have the best feeling of- I have to see him/her again.

At the end of the day, I think it's about having an enticing profile so you do get to the next step. It's different when people become penpals or get into one of those online relationships that sometimes end up being catfishes. But I think for most people online dating is just a way to find someone you want to meet in person. It works better for people with busy schedules or people who just don't like bars or approaching people in person. 

I get what you mean about swiping left on a good match but there's something to be said for putting the effort into taking good photos or writing something decent on your profile. It shows a level of commitment and something your personality. If all your pictures are selfies I think "why don't you have friends? Or at least a stranger who can take a photo for you." I don't think EVERYONE who posts gym selfies or bathroom mirror photos is a terrible, shallow person who is only looking for hookups. But... you know, it sends a message. And in today's world of social media self-curation, I don't think anyone is that naive about what messages they're sending in how they present themselves.

[KnoxForPres]

4 minutes ago, aradia22 said:

At the end of the day, I think it's about having an enticing profile so you do get to the next step. It's different when people become penpals or get into one of those online relationships that sometimes end up being catfishes. But I think for most people online dating is just a way to find someone you want to meet in person. It works better for people with busy schedules or people who just don't like bars or approaching people in person. 

I get what you mean about swiping left on a good match but there's something to be said for putting the effort into taking good photos or writing something decent on your profile. It shows a level of commitment and something your personality. If all your pictures are selfies I think "why don't you have friends? Or at least a stranger who can take a photo for you." I don't think EVERYONE who posts gym selfies or bathroom mirror photos is a terrible, shallow person who is only looking for hookups. But... you know, it sends a message. And in today's world of social media self-curation, I don't think anyone is that naive about what messages they're sending in how they present themselves.

I agree with you on that. I meant more when I did it, say I thought a guy was a 6 if I can be totally on looks, I’d count out immediately.  I wanted the 8s and above. It made me a lot more into looks than I am probably in real life. 

I was also a lot younger (and let’s face it better looking then too!) so that for sure played in. 

Yes, I think a good profile matters but a hot  ped radiologist felt like hitting a gold mine and he sucked!  What if I had talked to those more normal guys who I dismissed for this reason or that.  Wish I had been more open minded. 

Though it worked out for me. But I was 37 when it happened so there’s that too. Just turned 39 (omg how) and still going strong. So late bloomers happen too!  Organically!

But I would think “ugh, he doesn’t even know Stanley Kubrick and put Anchorman as best film?”  Fuck no. And in hindsight likely lost some good ones. 

[aradia22]

Quote

I agree with you on that. I meant more when I did it, say I thought a guy was a 6 if I can be totally on looks, I’d count out immediately.  I wanted the 8s and above. It made me a lot more into looks than I am probably in real life. 

[...]

But I would think “ugh, he doesn’t even know Stanley Kubrick and put Anchorman as best film?”  Fuck no. And in hindsight likely lost some good ones. 

No, I definitely get that too. It's hard to find a balance. Because if I've learned something about in person dating it's that I can't talk myself into being physically attracted to someone. In the most "ideal" sense of things, I definitely have very traditional taste. But I also have weird taste in guys so even if I don't think objectively that someone is an 8, I might still be super attracted to them. Part of it is that I'm into really smart guys and they don't necessarily have broad shoulders and a 6 pack. I do think that over time, I am trending more towards the 6-8 range. I can talk myself into a 5 if there's something else in the profile that stands out to me (and I still read profiles though I might skim if I run into a crazy long one... like full paragraphs). But I used to be more open to the 3's and 4's and I'm just not anymore. Part of it is that I feel like a 3 or 4 on a normal day and 6 on a good day and I want someone to challenge me. I want someone who makes me want to be better. And if it's just going to be something fun and casual, I don't see the harm in shooting for the 8-10 range. If I'm just looking to make out with a boy, he might as well be a cute boy. 

When it comes to profile stuff, I'm a little judge-y if a guy's tastes are really broad, partially because it gives me less to comment on in a first message. Like, great you like HBO or Marvel movies or everything that's been popular in the last 20 years. But the ones who might be sending out unintentional red flags are the ones who have bro-y/violent/misogynistic stuff in their media section. Obviously you can be a totally nice person and play Grand Theft Auto. But if there's a lot of that stuff it definitely gives me pause.

[JTMacc99]

32 minutes ago, stewedsquash said:

Paging @JTMacc99

My two cents:  Looks matter, don’t lower your standards. It’s easy to get attracted to a profile and what the person says, but are you looking for a friend or a relationship?

[KnoxForPres]

36 minutes ago, JTMacc99 said:

My two cents:  Looks matter, don’t lower your standards. It’s easy to get attracted to a profile and what the person says, but are you looking for a friend or a relationship?

Apologies as I appear to have an unfortunate time of making my point. 

Yes!  Looks matter!  But I don’t think you can  base it on that if you like them on paper because there is chemistry.  Sometimes better looking people fall in love with less looking and vice versa.

I am so crazy attracted to mine and have been since day one. Is he the subjective hottie?  Well, probably not but he’s so nice and hilarious and easygoing and he has a great easygoing style.

Bur objecitley no, we are not a match.  I find him hot AF because he excels at what he does, is hilarious, I immediately felt comfortable around him and just kind of kicks ass. If I saw his pic on a profile?  Probably not. 

So yeah, you may see a 10 and go hell yeah but that lesser may make you regret all the hot people you dated in your life and you can still be very attracted (yes like want to have sex and all that stuff) with someone who maybe isn’t your equal. 

This has gotten weirder than I intended. I guess if I was on reddit tldr: don’t judge a book. 

[Lantern7]

I want to disagree about looks. In my mind, I can't see any woman finding me attractive. I mean, I have low self-esteem, I basically roll my eyes at myself every day, and I still have a lot of stuff to work on . . . and it's not easier since I'm not getting any younger. For me, the window is closing, and the odds of me getting into a "meetcute" situation are remote at best. I post pictures of myself on OKC, but I let my writing do the heavier lifting, because I tend to get flustered talking. If a woman sees inside my brain, I probably have a better shot.

Edited June 6, 2018 by Lantern7

[KnoxForPres]

29 minutes ago, Lantern7 said:

I want to disagree about looks. In my mind, I can't see any woman finding me attractive. I mean, I have low self-esteem, I basically roll my eyes at myself every day, and I still have a lot of stuff to work on . . . and it's not easier since I'm not getting any younger. For me, the window is closing, and the odds of me getting into a "meetcute" situation are remote at best. I post pictures of myself on OKC, but I let my writing do the heavier lifting, because I tend to get flustered talking. If a woman sees inside my brain, I probably have a better shot.

Well, read above young man. Right this minute the best thing you can learn is confidence-it works on women. Even if you utilize a fake it til you make approach it’s ok!  

You kmow- life and dating is really hard.  Just in gernarl it is. But I would suggest being very nice and do not say self deprecating thing about yourself.   That’s for you too tell us on the boards here . But more- believe how great you are!  Shit most of us secretly think we suck at life and are faking it and doing the best we can  

so next date- keep it simple. What foods or movies do you like?  How is work going (though keep that lite), do you have pets?  What are their names? 

Peope like to talk about themselves. So open ended questions where you show real interest in response is great.  Conversation gets dull?  It’s ok- at that point ask if they want to go to a point B (think bar, museum, bowling alley- anywhere).

There is a huge bonus if you can naturally offer a relatable response but that doesn’t always happen. So in that event you just keep forging on and say “this has been a lot of fun and I like being around you so what if we....”

and that would be plan B above 

[possibilities]

Honestly, I have been crazy attracted to the most unexpected people. I mean, even I didn't see it coming, but then, this one woman touched me-- and just casually, and I swooned so hard, it was embarrassing. Never would have known I'd feel that way about her just looking at her or hearing about her personality. But it was HOT.

My best serious relationship was with someone I met when I wasn't even looking for anyone, she walked by and something in me lurched. So, again, life is a mystery.

I had another fairly serious romance with someone who I knew for a while without any sizzle at all and then one day something just shifted and I was all in.

I think you just have to be open, keep circulating, and not be too fixed in your ideas of what/who/when it happens.

And  yes, I do think it is good to develop skills at communication and other ways of being a "good catch"-- but ultimately, in my life, dogma has not really been the most reliable predictor of anything.

[NutMeg]

Quote

My issue with online dating is it turns us into hyper critical searchers swiping or dismissing people on a whim who may in fact have been “the one”.  I cringe to think what my current (who I think is the one) boyfriends profile or even correspondence would have been. I would have dismissed immediately I’m ashamed to say.

I agree with this. That's the main beef I have with online dating vs meeting people as you go. I would need more than my fingers to list how many of my friends have significant others that were not their type, were not what they were looking for or, hear that!, always look so bad on pictures that they would never have warranted a second glance despite being the bomb in real life.

Me, having never used online dating, so take this with all the caveat, I think I only know if someone is a good fit, for a friend, from the conversation and how personal it get, in a good way, for a lover or more, from the conversation, the body language, the smell, the feel, the sound of their voice, and moving forward from how they hug and kiss - I'd say the hug is more meaningful than the kiss :)

15 hours ago, possibilities said:

Honestly, I have been crazy attracted to the most unexpected people. I mean, even I didn't see it coming, but then, this one woman touched me-- and just casually, and I swooned so hard, it was embarrassing. Never would have known I'd feel that way about her just looking at her or hearing about her personality. But it was HOT.

My best serious relationship was with someone I met when I wasn't even looking for anyone, she walked by and something in me lurched. So, again, life is a mystery.

I had another fairly serious romance with someone who I knew for a while without any sizzle at all and then one day something just shifted and I was all in.

I think you just have to be open, keep circulating, and not be too fixed in your ideas of what/who/when it happens.

And  yes, I do think it is good to develop skills at communication and other ways of being a "good catch"-- but ultimately, in my life, dogma has not really been the most reliable predictor of anything.

Sorry I bolded part of your post, but wanted to highlight (and you've helped me here!) that love or lust can begin with the slightest thing. Then it's up to the people involved whether it grows or not. I know of at least one relation where a rather random gesture was interpreted as much more by the receiving party, and where that triggered a lovely love story.

Also, my experience matches yours, you always meet your best someone when you're not looking. It's harsh but it's true, and it makes sense: you not looking means you're happy with yourself as you are and where you are in life, which makes you more attractive. And the minute you think you're fine by yourself is when your next amoureux will appear. 

Lastly, going from old acquaintance to more, why not? An old childhood friend who grew up to be a hottie helped me get over a bad break up, after all, and we still remember each other fondly with no amorous expectations. But I doubt you coud convert a decade long friendship into a romantic one, despite what When Harry met Sally would have you think. In my experience, that ship has a very tight window to sail.   

[JTMacc99]

4 hours ago, stewedsquash said:

I mean, it's like the thread is trying to tell you something, huh @JTMacc99 ? Just remember to focus on the right parts of the posts not the four corners of your guidelines. I always believe that things are put in front of us for a reason. (insert groovy music here)

#hahahafeelingcryptic

The whole damn world is trying to tell me something. And whenever I take my fingers out of my ears and stop singing LALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU, I get the message. 

Also, "this one woman touched me-- and just casually, and I swooned so hard", heh... This is one of the parts I'm NOT supposed to think about, right?  

[Lantern7]

“Swooned.” Is that what they’re calling it these days? ?

[theredhead77]

56 minutes ago, JTMacc99 said:

The whole damn world is trying to tell me something. And whenever I take my fingers out of my ears and stop singing LALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU, I get the message. 

Also, "this one woman touched me-- and just casually, and I swooned so hard", heh... This is one of the parts I'm NOT supposed to think about, right?  

When does that kickboxing class start? *g*

[DeLurker]

1 hour ago, Lantern7 said:

“Swooned.” Is that what they’re calling it these days? ?

I'be always been partial to smitten.

[theredhead77]

On 6/4/2018 at 1:01 PM, Lantern7 said:

Quick question: if I have gotten to know a woman via email and messaging apps, but we haven’t talked or met, is it acceptable to keep looking online? I’ve gotten a few “likes” lately, but I feel good about the lady. Of course, it could go to shit, so maybe I need options.

@aradia22 . . . maybe we could meet on a practice date. I could show you not to settle on the tools that keep contacting you. Or something. ?‍♂️

ETA: Would "warmup date" be a more appropriate term?

 

On 6/5/2018 at 2:28 AM, Moose135 said:

You haven't spoken yet, never mind been on a date?  There's nothing wrong with continuing to look at this point.

 

On 6/5/2018 at 2:59 PM, Bastet said:

Goodness, yes; that's a long way away from the point of exclusivity -- you're not even dating yet.  Good luck.

All the above. You're not exclusive, you're not dating, you're not more than online pen-pals at this point.

On 6/5/2018 at 7:14 PM, Lantern7 said:

@Bastet & @Moose135 . . . well, we've gotten along great online. She's been having trouble with her phone, so that's why we haven't talked. That's why I feel a little weird responding to likes, even when there's a lot of overlap.

Trouble with ones phone is often "trouble with a phone". Move on.