S03.E03: Exposed

[Tara Ariano]

Ryan, Weston and Max hunt down the person responsible for the latest atrocity, leading Ryan to take a deadly risk. Meanwhile, Mark questions Kyle and Daisy's loyalty.

[morgankobi]

 

Ryan, Weston and Max hunt down the person responsible for the latest atrocity, leading Ryan to take a deadly risk. 

 

 

Can't we just cut and paste that as the description for all the episodes this season?

[opus]

Before you guy Neil the episode, I actually liked most of it.

[TheRabbi]

I used to find this show campy entertainment.  Now it just sucks.

[TimWil]

It's a hugely soulless piece of torture porn. At least the nurse didn't get disjointed.

[mertensia]

If they just stuck with hunting down killers like crazy box man this would be much better. But no. They feel they have to add everything but Jack Bauer and Hannibal Lecter. And the Dukes of Hazard. Hell let's just let Fish Mooney crossover and kill them all.

[TimWil]

It really is just 24 but with a lot more torture. I wonder how Hunter Parrish justifies doing this. He's a hardcore Christian, isn't he? I guess he was reassured that his character would eventually die a grisly death?

[Primetimer]

As The Following's company chews the scenery, Sarah and Poe Head chew espresso beans and bemoan their boredom.

Read the story

[marcee]

Why would they enter a crowded festival-type farmer's supermarket instead of waiting for him to get back into the car and onto what was apparently a deserted road?

[Sarah D. Bunting]

"Neil" as a verb +1

[marcee]

You done got Neiled.

[Snookums]

Oh, Lord, people. We are deep in the "lugging the plot across the vast wastelands" period of this season. And it only took three episodes! Doesn't it feel like you've been watching for weeks on end? Week after foot-dragging, actively-leaning-on-the-parking-brake week? When a show's three episodes in and already dragging and stalling like a cat who's resisting being stuffed in its carrier...things ain't so good. 

 

Which is pretty much the theme for this week! And it is so proven by opening up with your hoary old favorite and mine, the dream sequence! Yes, they went there. Right off. After the previously blah blahs, we open on Ryan doing one of his favorite things--looking through gory crime scene photos in a dark room. Ahh, the rich tapestry of Ryan Hardy's life. He's interrupted, though, by Gwen's voice calling his name. He gets up to investigate...

 

And discovers Gwen's been doing some redecorating, mostly centered around the theme of "Empty Room Containing Ominous Box." Ryan approaches with his pained facial expression geared up and ready to go, which is good because Dream Sequence ratchets shit up by having a HUMONGO puddle of blood on the floor, Gwen's muffled voice saying "help me," and Ryan's discovery of -- his blood soaked hands! Duh DUH duuuuuuhhhhh! This sequence might have had some particle of impact if it were not ground that has been trodden, plowed, planted and harvested multiple times already, especially with this character. Ryan Hardy fears becoming one of the monsters he chases, we get it.

 

Ryan snaps to and rolls over to check Gwen's side of the bed which is empty (boo) but not soaked in blood (win). He lurches up and stumbles around looking for her and of course she just strolls out of someplace saying hey, there you are, I was calling you. Why? You know he's in the bedroom, go wake his ass up if you need to talk to him. Ryan, however, is just so glad she's not an origami swan that he stumbles over for the "nothing's wrong, I always have a racing pulse and pinpoint pupils first thing in the morning, sweetness" hug. Cliche Theater One Acts thanks you for your patronage. Sponsored by The Koch Foundation. 

 

Ryan's a bounce back guy if he's anything though, because after the title card we get him, Max, and Mike striding purposefully down the FBI No Name Federal Building as he's outlining the day's tasks; namely, to figure out who Box Guy is by tracing similar MOs back five years. Okay, I mean, good for Ryan getting right on this but A) This seems much more like work his boss should be assigning and B) Wouldn't, shouldn't dozens of agents already be working on this? Why on earth would they wait and let the trail get cold? Answer? It's The Following, where only three to four people are allowed to do anything at any one time.

 

Ryan exposits further that the whole gruesome, horrific murder box thing probably wasn't Mark and his sad little group's first plan--that after they took out Spider and the auto body shop (I really wonder what the SWAT team made of the FULLY FUNCTIONAL ELECTRIC CHAIR. Maybe, perhaps, get cracking on which prison system sold said FFEC to a rando at auction? Or something?) they had to improvise. Mark asks somewhat hopefully, for him, if that means they may have slipped up and Ryan replies that he's betting they left a trail. "That's how we find them and that's how we end this."
 

(Husband, hopefully, from kitchen: "They're gonna end it with TRAILCRAFT???" Me: "Follow the blaze into the forest!" Husband: "Follow the scat trail!" Me: "I adore you.")

 

Our adorable tete-a-tete is interrupted by "I Don't Get No Honeymoon, Y'all Don't Get More Then Fifteen Seconds Of Non-Crisis Mode" Mendez striding up and asking if Ryan's ready for the press conference. Ryan clearly is not and never will be, glaring after Mike and Max as they openly abandon him to his fate, hee. Mendez is going on that if he isn't there it looks like they're hiding him and she's covered up Tableau murders and the Mark Grey connection but every major network picked up Jeff's confession (FOX News: How Is This Linked To Obamacare?) and they're gonna want to know if there's any truth to it. 

 

"And we'll tell them no," replies Ryan, completely correctly. He points out that Jeff was very clearly coerced and hey! ended up horribly butchered, and there is no way it can't be vastly demonstrated that MARK GREY IS A FUCKING WHACKJOB, especially after last night's events. Mark has, in any credible or sane universe, has completely shredded both any credibility he may have had and any hope of extracting one of his Oh So Precious Confessions from any future agents he captures with this bullshit, so why not point out the obvious and keep working on catching the pissy pants little fucker??? Why the hell is Mendez in charge if she can't figure this out on her own?
 

But Mendez wouldn't be Mendez if she didn't push push push push for information she is clearly better off not knowing, and asks Ryan if she'd be lying. Ryan finally looks right at her and lays it on the line: He'll tell her anything she wants to know but they both know there's certain disadvantages to that. If she ever wants to go on that honeymoon she needs deniability. Again, this is a career agent. Why does this need explaining if she's not going to just rat out the Big Three and get it over with?

 

Mendez silently finally grasps what Ryan has had to outline with big, bright neon markers, (in another bustling, crowded hallway, by the by) and sighs "let's go." 

 

Okay, cutting this one a bit short because it's lunchtime but part two coming up!

[thuganomics85]

Oh, nameless production assistant.  Even though you are dead now, you will probably end up causing more damage to the bad guys then Genius Ryan and the gang will ever be able to do.  At least you got Mark suspicious of the couple now.  It will probably be numerous episodes before anything comes out it, but at your death will likely not be in complete vain.

 

I honestly think Ryan and Michael fully attended to torture that guy.  And, these guys are the heroes!  This is just insane.  Of course, if Max and Mendez just keep letting them get away with it, I don't see it ever stopping.

 

Neil is already dead.  A waste of Glenn Fleshler, I see.

 

Gwen continues to just hang around and do nothing.  Boo!  Zuleikha Robinson deserves better.

 

Are we ever going to get to Joe, again?  At this point, the show really needs James Purefoy's hammy acting.

 

Two hours next week?!  I... don't know if I can handle that.

[Sarah D. Bunting]

Oh, gross, it IS?!

[Snookums]

TWO FULL HOURS OF HAM, CHEESE AND BLOOD.

[Snookums]

Part Two! Hard Hitting Questions: Not Always A Good Idea.

 

We're at the press conference, which is not held inside for some reason but out in front of the building. Mendez outlines what everybody already knows: Jeff is dead, we'll really miss him, etc., then moves on to the reveal of: sketches of Daisy and Kyle! Well, kind of. They're close enough that if you know what they look like the sketch could resemble them, but otherwise they're pretty meh. 

 

That's not a huge comfort to Daisy and Kyle, though. They're watching back at Big 'N Drafty Grey Manor and are very, very displeased with this turn of events. Daisy, especially, is freaking out. "Oh my God," she Drama Whispers, "how do they have sketches of us?" Weeelllll, probably because you left a witness alive, brain trust. Given that these two have absolutely no problem filleting anybody they come across, the whole "bag over Anna's head" thing is now being underlined as an even dumber move than it was at the time. (Don't get me wrong, I'm glad Anna's alive, it's just that this crap is making it so very, very clear that the only reason she's alive is for this plot point to occur. It's like the writers are using a Choose Your Own Adventure Book to outline their rough drafts.)

 

Kyle, whose emotional range is usually set to mute, just mutters that he doesn't know. This does not calm Daisy down and she keeps twigging about how their home, everything they've worked so hard to protect, "all of it's going to be gone."  Okay, so this confirms that these two are trying to save up a nest egg or something, rather then being Charles Starkweather/Caril Ann Fugate type spree killers. I guess it's good they're trying to make their hobby their career but how much could they possibly be getting paid for this? Even if they're double dipping with Mark and Mysterious Somebody Who's Running Another Agenda it can't be that much cash. 

 

Kyle tries to soothe his lady love by insisting the sketches don't look anything like them; "You're way hotter, babe," and that is definitely not his nose. Yep, I can totally see why Daisy fell for this silver tongued devil. Daisy hiss-gasps that it isn't a joke and how can she have babies if she's on the run? UM WHAT, says the audience who is now being asked to care about this, and Kyle is also shocked enough to actually get up and ask if she's....? "No," says Daisy, "But I want to be!" AND the entire viewership is now busy rolling its eyes and gagging through Kyle's promises of fat and happy babies AND OH THANK GOD HERE'S MARK, another phrase I never thought I'd write.

 

Mark is all sulky/manic again, and the press conference does nothing to sooth his nerves. Mendez is fielding questions as to motive (Can't speak to that, natch) and then calls on a big pink man in a big pink tie by the name of Warren, whom is clearly a fixture on this beat. Warren says his question is for Ryan and Mendez moves in protectively, but Ryan is all set to prove why making him attend this thing was a bad idea. He says it's okay, he'll take it, and Mendez is all fine but any blood thrown on this suit and you're paying for it. Ryan flexes his jaw muscles in his trademark "come at me bro" way and waits for that hard hitting, journalistic line drive...

 

"Agent Clark alleged that you murdered Lily Grey," says Woodward Bernstein Jr. here. "Is there any truth to that allegation?"  Okay, not exactly the Frost/Nixon interviews. Much more a completely standard query that anybody with a brain stem could see coming. Plus, it gives Ryan a clear playing field: One, Jeff alleged nothing of the kind, he just said he was in charge of the op. Two, as Ryan says plainly, it's not true; Mark killed Lily, not Ryan.(I mean, he doesn't say that last bit, of course, but he's still answering the actual question truthfully.) This is really starting to bug me--how the show is so leeched onto the concept of The Whole Entire World Against The Beleaguered Ryan Hardy that it's ignoring its own canon. Not only does it make Mark and Co. look even more idiotic then they already are, it has an idiot ripple effect on everybody else who's involved in the story. Journalists ignore publicly stated facts, Ryan's coworkers keep fighting to cover up shite he hasn't even done, and Mike is left with nothing to do but follow Ryan around.

 

Anyway. Ryan goes on to explain the deeply, painfully obvious fact that Jeff was coerced and then murdered for his troubles, and when Pink Tie Warren goes on about the Congressional hearing is able to point out that he and his team were completely exonerated. Wrongly, but there you are. All the other reporters stand there like a flock of sheep, wondering why they bothered to come out to this thing. It's a pretty sad news day when you realize your "FBI agent is kidnapped/tortured/murdered by serial killers" story is going to be running after the piece about the duck family crossing Manhattan Boulevard.

 

Mark, back at The Mansion Grey, is also quite put out by this, but for much more babyish/ridiculous reasons; he paces and shrieks that Ryan's "still lying," that they're never going to tell the truth. No! I am SHOCKED at this revelation! Onscreen, Ryan marches on into his latest contremps: after a harsh scolding of the press for losing sight of the real issue (Dead Jeff) Ryan pulls out his biggest Why I Should Never Be At Any Press Conference Or Allowed Out In Public At All How Do I Still Have A Job? move yet: gazing at the pack of cameras, he announces "Mark Grey. He did this." OKAY.

 

Rather then clapping her hand over Ryan's mouth and kicking his ass up the steps, Mendez stands there like one of those living statue artistes in the park and lets him ramble on, taking questions, saying that they believe Mark's in the New York area and working with Daisy/Kyle. He calls him a delusional coward and malicious killer, than says (seriously, Kevin Bacon gritted his teeth and actually said these lines into the camera) "But his days are numbered because I'm coming for him. OHHHH MY GOD that was actually the line! There's more blather about how Mark should turn himself in, full weight of the FBI on him "and his followers" MARK DOES NOT HAVE FOLLOWERS I CAN'T HEAR YOU LA LA LA but I don't care because that is a big ol' Cliche Bingo stamp! So many in so few episodes!

 

Mark, as you can imagine, is less then delighted by this turn of events (I'd ask what the hell he thought was going to happen but this is Mark, after all). He paces, slaps a floor lamp around and wails about how he should have just killed them. Kyle and Daisy jump in at this, all pointing out how they won't suffer that way and how their plan is working--the Big Three were called on national TV. They're clearly trying to get him backed off the idea of just going on a huge baby rampage for "secret agenda" reasons. I am so very weary of this secret agenda. It's coming across less "shadowy murder cabal" and more "pack of fifth grade mean girls ostracize a classmate." 

 

Regardless, Daisy and Kyle are afraid of it, and after Mark stomps off to talk to his mirror and wigs and angry-cook more chicken, Daisy whispers "he's losing it!" Kyle, in an uncharacteristically astute moment, observes he never had it. Daisy's back on the "blow town" train for the moment and says Kyle needs to call "Juliana." Aha, FINALLY some substance behind all the secret agenda smoke. Kyle's reluctance is shot down by Daisy, who clearly is rethinking this whole "small company extermination murder team" career choice.

 

Cut back to Mendez and Ryan, where's she's pointing out that hey, we didn't actually discuss releasing Mark's name or your little Rambo moment there (MENDEZ, YOU ARE HIS BOSS. FOR FUCK'S SAKE, IF YOU DON'T WANT HIM FARTING AROUND LIKE THIS PUT YOUR DAMN FOOT DOWN.) Instead of firing/demoting/suspending Ryan for jeopardizing God knows how many lives/operations, she just says next time, ask. Okay, Ryan? The next time you borrow my stapler or take the law into your own hands in front of sixty reporters ask first! It doesn't take any more time to be courteous!

 

But never mind all that! Here's--Anna! Very recent widow of Jeff! Ryan asks why she's there and Mendez says she wanted to make her statement and get it over with. Um, okay, you'd think somebody would have taken her statement sooner then this, but whatever. Anyway, Ryan, in his fiftieth great decision today, sends Mendez off so he can talk to Anna alone. In yet another crowded public lobby. Ryan must be auditioning for The Truman Show at this point. And Mendez does it! She just walks off and leaves Ryan Hardy alone with the nearly murdered victim of the latest serial killers/widow of their colleague! What, oh, what could possibly go wrong here?

 

Anyway, Anna's all wired up and clearly not happy to see Ryan. She stomps right up to him but before she can tear into him Ryan says how he promises they're going to get the people that did this. Anna gives him "bitch, WHAT?" look and says "You did this!" Ryan has the iron-balled nerve to look surprised as Anna hisses on that she and Jeff didn't have secrets (good to see Jeff was taking his oath of secrecy so to heart) and how Jeff was protecting him, lying for him. (Again, this is in a bustling lobby filled with law enforcement professionals.) Ryan tries to apologize but Anna just quavers out that "he died because of you!" and in a huge miss for the Cliche Bingo Card, does not slap him in the face before heading off to give her deposition to whoever didn't just hear that. 

 

Back in the Glass Walled Room of Secrets, Ryan enters pleading for a lead. Max says she thinks she's got something and goes on about how a couple of years ago the NYPD pulled a body out of the river with its joints dislocated. She exposits about the cause of death but this whole scene is just an excuse to show some gross-out pics of said body, all folded around in deeply wrongful ways. Thanks, show, you always keep it classy. 

 

Max further classes up the joint by explaining about the pithing marks and such and that there's no suspects but the victim was obsessed with claustrophilia and probably solicited someone online to help her bring her fantasy to life. Man, and I thought meeting guys through Craigslist was sketchy. Ryan opines that said solicitee "took it too far and killed her." I would be deeply interested to know what the "too far" mark was. Personally the second the pithing needle came out I'd be "heeeeeyyyy, gotta go, look at the time, I'll make do with a crowded elevator or something" but I guess that's why nobody's out trying to get me to fulfill their fantasies. 

 

Ryan asks Max about pulling the victim's online history but Max says nothing was found during the investigation two years ago. Hmmm, says Ryan, I know someone who can help us (oh, who could it be?) and that his gut tells him this is the guy.

 

Said guy is now onscreen, heading down the hallway of his lovely all American home to find his home help mopping up the kitchen, since the sink backed up "again." She asks if he remembered to call the plumber but Neil's more concerned with the fact that his dementia-ridden father isn't anywhere in the house. Said dad is, in fact, wandering down the street. Oopsie! Maybe if you'd called the plumber the next torturous series of plot points wouldn't have occurred, Neil!

 

Neil charges after his father and manages to scoop him up before he wanders into the street. They have what would be a touching/sad convo about how his mother "is angry when I'm late" and how Neil would tell her it's his fault (with an ominous little bit in there about how dad's covered for him often enough) if one of the participants wasn't a sadistic murderer, and they head back to the house. They get Dad settled to watch his program and as the nurse is apologizing about not noticing Dad's impromptu stroll, what with water flooding the kitchen, Neil calmly moves off with his cell and dials. He says his home help never showed up and he needs a replacement as said help, brow knitting, is about to find out what kind of guy she's working for as we go to commercial. Oh, that is just bullshit. This woman only makes minimum wage too, I'm guessing. Talk about adding insult to injury. (This also makes the third minority/woman of color in a row to be menaced/killed on the show in three episodes, for those of you keeping track on your vastly more depressing Sneaky Racism Bingo Cards.)

 

Insurgent wants to be Hunger Games so badly.

 

We're back! Apparently with Big Pink Warren and his crew, in a parking garage as they head towards their van. Don't those usually get parked near the news event so they can broadcast right away? Oh well. Big Pink Warren is gassing on in a fairly unbearable manner about how he totally "skewered" Ryan Hardy at the press conference. Um, okay, if you say so. His producer rolls her eyes and says yes, it was truly inspiring and Warren's seriously though! Did you see the look on his face? That look where he totally owned your ass and took over the whole shebang and made it all about Mark? Yeah, I saw that. So did Producer, who points out that Ryan caught Joe Carroll (remember Joe Carroll? How this show had him on it once?) and saved a thousand lives (well....) and most people consider him a hero. Warren, refusing to have his White Male Privilege Bubble popped, says well he's clearly hiding something and for Carl the Silent Cameraman (no SAG card for Carl!) to open up the van.

 

Carl is not forthcoming, for the very good reason that he's just been shot in the head! Hoop! The two remaining newsteam members discover this, plus a wired up behoodied/bearded Mark brandishing a gun (which has a suppressor on it, to be fair, but there's no way they wouldn't have heard something) and saying he's there to lodge a complaint. Oh, baby whinypants Mark, you are so droll when you want to be.

 

Meanwhile, Daisy (in yet another wig; too bad she and Emma can't go hairpiece shopping together) and Kyle are hanging in one of those diners where you can just sit down and nobody ever comes by to take your order or offer coffee. They're great for shadowy get-togethers, which is of course why they're here. They have this bizarre exchange about how Daisy just talked to the dogwalker and the pets don't miss her at all? And Kyle says dogs love whoever feeds them? At first I thought this was some kind of "don't talk about how we're murder suspects in public" code but upon a few more rewinds then it deserves I think it's a real thing, that Daisy's saying she checked in with wherever they're from and whatever life they put on hold for this glorious setup. Show, I am never going to care about these two and their little lives and their little plans, okay? They are horrible, shitty human beings and the only reason I'm putting up with them at all is because I  am flinging my life away on this show in general, so move it along.

 

(Oh, and apparently the dogs are named Ross and Rachel. Excuse me while I go punch a hole in something.)

 

The Following listens to me for once, and in strolls a very business-suited woman with her hair back in that severe knot that's TV shorthand for "cold-blooded order giving/carrying out" type. She walks up to the booth (still no waitperson! No menu, no coffee!) and sits, her compressed lips and tiny earrings radiating irritation at having to have this meeting. Daisy opens abruptly with saying they need to get out of town, and there's a back and forth of nope/the police have sketches/well, that's your fault for using that freakshow/well we wouldn't have had to if your freakshow hadn't gotten gunned down, and finally Corporate (who is clearly the eponymous Juliana) says coldly that regardless of their personal irritations and worries, there's still work to do. 

 

Taking a conversational left turn, she asks how Mark's holding up and tells them to "keep him happy," they need him for the end game, on and on about what is and isn't "the plan", does she need to remind them "what happens if they fail" AND OH MY GOD, WE GET IT SHE'S JOE'S LIAISON. It's not a big mystery at this point.

 

Juliana, having put the lo-rent Natural Born Killers in their place, produces a file. Kyle protests that they can't go out on any more killing sprees what with the entire FBI looking for them and Juliana merely shrugs that they're on a schedule, it has to be done. She power-stalks outta there as Daisy and Kyle open the folder and see--Max's picture. Ooohh, that ain't good. 

 

Back to Generic FBI Building! Well, partway; Ryan's out somewhere else, and Mendez is walking down yet another busy hallway; they're having a phone conversation about Ryan going to see Strauss and how Strauss's lawyer wasn't present and Ryan offering a plea deal (do I REALLY have to go into the layers of bullshit this conversation is composed of??? If Strauss wanted his damn lawyer he should have requested one. Ryan had to be cleared by about fifty people to get in to see him, it wasn't a secret. And OF COURSE the whole plea deal thing was crap! DUH! Why in God's name am I watching this??) 

 

Mendez says there's a limit to how much she can cover for him (THERE IS NOTHING TO COVER. Ryan going to see Strauss is what put them onto Andrew's plot in the first place! She okayed it!) and Ryan's all yep, I know, totes appreciate it but I gotta go because the "someone who can help me" just came into this coffee shop. He hangs up and watches the approach of a young Black woman...

 

AND IT IS BONDAGE CHICK FROM LAST SEASON! Okay, that was a rabbit I did not see coming, particularly since Ryan's actions put her in direct and nearly mortal danger! Remember her? From Whips And Regret? Well, she remembers Ryan, all right, and is not at all pleased to see him, and I don't blame her a bit. Ryan, however, has A Mission and it's not like one more person hating on him is going to get under his skin today. 

 

They have a back and forth about her altered appearance (lip rings apparently aren't de rigueur in business school) and how she's out of that life and sold her club. Wow, I wonder what the new owners did with the space. Maybe a microbrewery. They could call it Hops And Ruefulness or something. 

 

Ryan says he needs her help and BC points out the last time she helped him he nearly got her killed. Yeah, remember that? Why this woman is in business school rather then on her own private island bought with the massive settlement she should have gotten from that whole fiasco is yet another ever to be unsolved mystery. Anyway, rather then ordering a mocha to dump over Ryan's head or just, you know, leaving, she instead inexplicably stays for Ryan's pitch about his dead friend and the unsolved murder case victim and how she may not be in that life anymore but she must still know people in the scene. She reluctantly admits to hearing of a guy, but she's never met him, never wanted to. All she can give Ryan is the address of a "broker" who hooks the needy up with fulfillers of needs. "Dark, twisted stuff," she says. "Mostly illegal." MOSTLY? Except for his Etsy shop, or what?

 

Okay, now I must pause for boring domestic-life stuff involving making dinner and other tedious doings. Back soon with Part Three, Vanity Interviews; They Never Make The Subject Look Good.

Edited March 18, 2015 by Snookums

[Snookums]

Part Three! Where as per formula, things really start to fall apart.

 

We're back at the Maison du Grey where Mark, who's really taken his manic phase to new and exciting places, has Big Pink Warren and Production Assistant bound with duct tape and is doing his favorite thing, arranging of bodies (they aren't dead yet, but Mark's proactive) when Daisy and Kyle enter and discover that Murphy's Law definitely applies to their situation, alternative lifestyle or no. "Bro, what the hell?" exclaims Kyle, and gets a babbling earful from Mark about how the press are just repeating the FBI's lies, it's a disgrace, "the fourth estate used to be the cornerstone of democracy!" Oh, dear. Mark has found his Inner Pretentious Teenager. 

 

Warren whimpers as Daisy says she gets that Mark's upset, "but these people have nothing to do with what we're trying to achieve" (Production Assistant, on the couch, perks up) "So let's just kill them and get rid of the bodies before anyone misses them." (Production Assistant is considerably deflated.) 

 

Mark's really working up a head of steam, saying that first they have to suffer, that they have to pay like everyone else! Daisy and Kyle are not at all happy but diversion comes from an unexpected quarter: PA speaks up! Hell, they're gonna kill her anyway, so what has she got to lose? She says that if Mark's so keen on the whole lie exposing trip, use them. Warren can interview him and get his side of the story! Full graphics and everything, whattya say?

 

Kyle tells her to shut up but Mark just adores this idea! "That's perfect!" he breathes, "Using their own propaganda machine against them!" Dear God, he is sounding more and more like a freshman journalism student with every syllable. He glees that he's not quite camera ready but he'll be right back! and bolts up the stairs to the consternation of Kyle and Daisy, who nevertheless must humor the bratty prince. Kyle does murmur something about the file they just got bitchy marching orders about but Daisy sighs that it'll have to wait. Man, this job. It's just taking up my whole life nowadays, you know? I remember back when it was just Kyle and me boning in the blood of our victims, sigh. I guess success really can close in.

 

Back to The Big Three, doing what they love to do more than anything in the world: entering a dangerous situation to capture a very valuable and dangerous suspect with no backup and not telling anybody where they're going. Max cracks a joke about why these creepers can't conduct business somewhere nice, like a day spa, but it falls flat. Don't feel bad, Max, I bet if you and Bondage Chick teamed up you could open a killer day spa! You could call it Seaweed Wraps and Melancholy. 

 

The intrepid trio swing into the very, very, deserted looking building and with an alacrity that's astonishing even for them, split up. I truly do not have the energy to go into this again. Instead, let's watch the latest of the Dimly Lit Quasi Action Set Pieces, with the three of them wandering about, up and down, opening doors, checking around corners, with only Max even bothering to draw her gun. I find insouciance as sexy as the next girl, but this is just annoying.

 

Wait, wait, Ryan's got his gun out too! Okay, and now he's entering what's quite clearly a setup for elaborate scenarios that do no jot of good to any of their participants. He moves on and on, past creepy wooden chairs, set up cameras on tripods, Max behind him...

 

Ryan finally finds what he's looking for: a totally dark room, oh boy! I just love not being able to see what's happening! He clicks on his little tiny wee flashlight and swings it around--and finds a very pained looking gentleman barb-wired to a plank and hanging face down! Well, hi! Sorry to interrupt but we're looking for your--boss? Friend? Strict supervisor? 

 

The show really wants us to freak out out here, showing us closeups of dripping blood, spikes in the guy's feet, having his eyes pop open and gasp "master?" when Ryan touches him--but nope. It's gross, but no way is it some "searingly uncomfortable id-rippling" kind of scenario. The Following tries so hard to be so many things that instead of shading it just grabs handfuls of crayons and scribbles across each scene, the way a kid will draw a car wreck or an explosion. It refuses to have any kind of internal logic beyond what will lurch the plot forward like a Frankenstein monster, so it's not getting any emotional investment.

 

All of which Ryan would explain to Barb Wire Jesus Wannabe if his said "master" hadn't just wandered in--a pouty face guy in his thirties who should have left both the tight tee/jeans combo and that tragic haircut behind ten years ago. He sees Ryan and takes off running, and joy of joys, it's another protracted chase scene in the dark--but wait! It's cut short by Mark popping up to stick a gun in the guy's face, and then Ryan straight arming him to the ground! Well, hell! Thanks, show. I'm sometimes hard on you, I know, but keep that up and we've got something we can work with.

 

The Following is, however, tired of humoring me because we're back at Casa De Whinybaby Grey, where everybody's waiting on Mark to get this insane little show on the road. PA, glancing over at Mark and Kyle, asks why they were so mad before, are they Mark's followers? And Kyle somehow mentally tunes into my wavelength perfectly with his sneered "We're nobody's followers, sweetheart." Independent contractors, maybe, but even these two have more self respect then to groupie Mark.

 

Speaking of! Mark, in his wiglet and pullover, enters, all excitedly puttering about and setting up his "interview."  He plops into a chair opposite the ominously calm Warren and chirps at Daisy to turn on the camera. Daisy pops the bubbles in his champagne by saying she can't work it, and Kyle pipes in with his usual unsolicited remark that a TV remote is as complex as he gets. Kyle has surprising depth of insight sometimes.

 

But when Mark gets an idea he's like a puppy with a shoe, and he lunges right over to PA, cuts her wrist bonds and sends her over! Kyle says whoa, bad idea, but Mark's all she's fine, she's not gonna do anything, and indeed, PA is either waiting her chance or has decided that whatever else happens, she's getting this story, because she focuses the camera. Mark gets ready for his big moment, asking Warren if he's all set--but Warren looks really calm. "I just drank a whole Costco bottle of Robatussin" calm. 

 

Mark has apparently seen this whole fugue state thing before, though (eeek) and cheerfully saying uh oh, I guess I broke him, flicks out his knife and stabs poor Warren in the throat! Warren chokes and gurgles his last as PA gasps in horror and Kyle and Daisy sullenly calculate how long it's going to take to powerwash the blood out of the carpet. "Guess you're gonna have to do everything," smiles Mark as we go to break. R.I.P., Warren. You and your tie are on the Heavenly Gates beat now.

 

FOX is tired of souring me on Empire Records and now wants me to hate Last Man On Earth. Can do!

 

Sighhhh, back to it. We're back with Ryan and Mike and Max, playing Bad Cop/Bad Cop/Morally Uncertain Cop with the Flock of Seagulls wannabe they've managed to awaken from the head injury they caused a few minutes ago. "We're looking for a friend of yours," says Ryan. "Likes to put people in boxes." No matter what kind of dank, horrendous things this guy brokered between lost souls, they cannot compare with the pain Kevin Bacon felt reading this script. But they soldier on, with Haircut sulking that he wants a lawyer, and Mike, back in Iceman Justice mode, intense murmurs that no he doesn't, he wants to talk to them. 

 

When Haircut most unwisely declares he's got nothing to say, Ryan and Mike pull out copies of the Constitution, take big ol' shits on them and haul the guy off by his aesthetically offensive mop with a hammer and inquiry as to how good he is at taking pain, since he's so good at dishing it out. Max, meanwhile, is yelping like a terrier; what's going on, what are you doing? "Providing motivation!" says Ryan cheerfully as Kevin Bacon dies just a little bit more inside. 

 

The situation boringly escalates as Haircut says they're not gonna do anything to him, Ryan's all sure, keep saying that, grabs as spike and asks Mike what he thinks, hands or feet first as Mike gets Haircut in a chokehold and Max FINALLY gets this sad fart of a "suspense" scene to end by physically putting herself between Ryan and Haircut. She gets in his face and says they're not bluffing, "they will hurt you." NO, they WON'T. We know perfectly well that character wise Ryan is not actually going to stab anybody with a fucking spike; that's the whole reason he runs around with Mike and Max, so they can diffuse situations before he has to make good on threats. He's the hero, so he can't go past a certain point, and we as audience members know that. So this whole exchange was a waste of time and deeply irritating to watch.

 

But at least it convinced Haircut to drag the plot forward another foot, and after more flabby "He'll kill me/He'll never know" back and forth, (With Mike getting all fisty-flexy in the back, just to remind everyone he is driven by revenge, if the show would ever give him something to do besides scamper beside Ryan Hardy like a chihuahua) he hands over an email address. 

 

It is actually a relief to be thrust into the next scene, although it contains Neil. He's at what is apparently his woodcarving shop, putting the final touches on a fancy chest for a family of upwardly mobile types who are gushing about how perfect it is. Oh, I know these guys. They get mail-order jam from Vermont and buy their kid all natural wooden toys and pay hippies to maintain their organic yard. That adorable child is going to be smoking clove cigarettes and applying kohl eyeliner like an NFL draftsman in five years.

 

The family and Neil have a bit about how proud his dad must be that he's kept the store going, and how it's been hard but worth it, as Neil spots the Kyle/Daisy sketch on a TV behind their heads that seems to be hanging in midair and doesn't really match the rest of the decor. He says oh, hey, one more thing and heads to the back. It's played like he's about to run out the door, but nope: he's just going through a big metal sliding door to another, considerably darker workspace. Where he grabs a small wooden figurine and steadfastly ignores Louisa the Home Aide, who is of course tied up to a chair in there. That can't be good.

 

Back to Grim and Grotty Fantasy Come True building, where Haircut, apparently unharmed, is being perpwalked by some uniformed extras away from the place. Ryan follows, but swerves off towards Max, who's leaning against the wall looking very "life choices--why did I make these?" He asks if she's okay and she does the standard issue Low Voice of Intensity while she says she's got no problem playing good cop bad cop, but only if it's playing and she can't cover up anything else, she won't. Ryan's all oh, you're picky now, but just then Mike gets off his cell and says the IP address was traced to a building in Queens. Which is normally something Max would be doing, but then she couldn't have her little Heart to Heart Moment with Uncle Ryan before they all run off to their latest stop on the Ryan Hardy Never Ending Tour Of Shit.

 

Cut to presumable Queens address, where Neil is proving he is indeed a master of torture by talking poor Louisa's ear off about how kids are spoiled, his dad raised him right and today it might be called abuse but he knows it was because he loved him, blah blah blah, and again, The Following is trying to--what? Creep me out? Get me to feel sorry for Neil, the guy who folds people up and puts them in boxes? Because, no. We've all seen these "killer explains his pathology" scenes done before, many times, and we've all seen The Cell. Vincent D'onofrio I can possibly feel bad for. But this guy? Quit insulting my intelligence, show. 

 

And quit making Louisa's last moments on earth even worse then they otherwise would be listening to this dreck. Neil puts the finishing touches on his little wooden chest, there (which he apparently was making for a customer--so much for that master craftsman perfect proportions bullshit, I guess) and picking up his pithing needle, we are into the rapid back and forth of the Three running up to the door of Neil's shop (And One More Time! They called NO ONE to meet them there!) with Neil getting ready to stab poor Louisa, to Ryan super duper fake breaking the glass of the door (seriously lame) and Neil hearing the shatter and the Three moving through the shop, Neil fleeing out back, Max untaping Louisa while Ryan shoots the lock off the door, and Ryan and Mike shooting up to the roof, but too late. Neil has evaded the police presence (oh, wait! THERE WAS NONE) and gotten away. So, it must be Tuesday.

 

What would Ryan have to do to finally get fired, I wonder? Eat a baby? Punch a bunch of nuns? Set fire to the White House? 

 

Back to Neil entering his house and announcing hey, father-son road trip time! He's throwing random stuff in a bag while his dad protests that Neil's mother doesn't like trips and the replacement nurse seals his fate by telling Neil that his father's in no condition to travel. Neil asks if he'd mind discussing it in private. Nurse agrees, but that's because he doesn't realize "talk" is Neil's cute little term for "bash your head in and take your car keys." People and their shorthand. (Fourth minority down, by the way.)

 

Neil's Dad complains that he's thirsty as Neil rushes around grabbing several dozen pill bottles, then protests the missing of his program as he's hurled out the door and nearly tipped into the street by Neil, who is not exactly acting cool and collected about this, considering anybody can see him bunging his dad's wheelchair and then his dad into the nurse's car, which is right out on the street. Neil hilariously scans the street for watching eyes while flailing around like a moose that just got pinched on the butt and flings himself into the driver's seat.  The increasing sound of sirens sends him off. Yes, nothing can go wrong here! Seriously, even Ryan Hardy should be able to catch up with this guy eventually. Oh, except he just drove right by Ryan as they and the police (for damn once) pull up to the house. How exciting and suspenseful! Or ridiculously idiotic! One of those. 

 

Okay, I'm going to wrap this up tomorrow with the best of all possible rural car chases in this best of all possible worlds. Part four tomorrow!

Edited March 18, 2015 by Snookums

[Snookums]

Part four! Which would have been up earlier if Comcast hadn't decided to go down for no reason and not save my viewing so I had to let the damn thing play all over again in real time until we got to our present story point, The Fleeing of Neil.

 

Okay, so Neil and dad have just zipped off, literally past the noses of Ryan and Co,. who burst into his house (which is in a really nice suburb--is this still supposed to be Queens?) and run around, finding poor dead nameless nurse but nothing else of consequence, or so it seems. Ryan tells Max to "flood the area with cops", which really seems like something she should have been doing on the way there. Given that Neil totally went right by them and everything with no apparent problems. But hey! Live and learn. Ryan spots a pictures and words chart containing very simply-phrased breakdowns of a schedule--

 

--and we are back to another closeup of Neil's giant face as he listens to his dad's latest tape loop of being thirsty. He apologizes in a flat tone as he fishes his cell out of his hastily packed go bag---

 

--and we are back at Haus Von Grey, where Mark is (to the hilarious "heard this shit one to many times" boredom of Kyle and Daisy) just finishing up his eerie-grin statement about how "they" have to pay for murdering his mother. Gahhh, dude, this whole your mom was murdered thing is so 2014. The PA asks him some standard leading questions in a shaky voice and he continues his Gollum "precioussssss" set pieces about how Ryan's not a hero, he murdered Giselle (interestingly he does not mention Lily, there), as Daisy's phone rings. She answers--

 

--and back to Neil, who is icily informing her that she shouldn't have involved him if it meant having Ryan Hardy barking up his snorkel. He continues that he's going away but when he can, he's going to be paying her and her husband a visit. Ugh. This is why you do not go with sadistic foldy-monsters as your plan B, guys. The classic pit in the basement may seem derivative but it's a far more stable investment in the long run.

 

Anyway, Neil abruptly hangs up, leaving Daisy freaked out, and rightly so. So much so that she just flat out quits her wig game, pulling it off and heading over for a whisper conference with Kyle. Mark's still nattering on about Lily and Luke (who's been quite quiet so far, which is probably not a good thing, considering this is how Mark acts when he's off the leash) but PA is getting distracted by Daisy's obvious distress. She turns the conversation to asking how "those two" are helping him. 

 

"They believe in me!" beams Mark, who has apparently devolved from freshman journalist to fifth grade girl scout who just sold the most Tagalongs in her district. Cripes, when Head Luke is the saner of his two personalities the shit is really going to hit the fan. PA clearly isn't up on the whole "keep Mark's crazy ass happy" thing and asks why they laughed, then, when she asked if they were his followers? Yep, didn't really seem like they were laughing with you there, guy.

 

THAT flips Mark's happy switch off right fast, and his face immediately contorts into "stunned disbelief with stabby tantrum on the horizon."  "Is that true?" He asks, leaping up and approaching them. Kyle denies it in his utter contempt voice and Daisy does the whole "she's just trying to mess with you" thing and PA realizes that it's not going to get any better then this AND TAKES OFF RUNNING! YAAAAAY! I'm sure that she's going to be fine! 

 

"Dammit!" curses Kyle, and he and Daisy chase after her. PA runs first for the door (locked but good for her) then lunges up the stairs. Kyle makes a grab for her but slips and falls! Yes! Go Staircase! All staircases stand for truth and justice! PA flings herself into the nearest bedroom and locks the door, then begins pounding on the window for help. Annnnnd things now must go to Shitsville; population, PA. They do this whole bit with "guy walking dog who looks up at window a second too late" thing (Bingo card stamp) but all it does is piss off the audience that PA doesn't think to break the window or grab a lamp, when I shouldn't be pissed at her at all. It gets worse when, of course, Kyle busts in, grabs her away from the dogwalker's viewpoint and Daisy stabs the poor woman in the gut with a "nice try."  So I'm not taken in by the suspense, just angry at everybody in the scene.

 

(That is the fifth minority and fourth woman to be murdered, too. What? They let Louisa live! Post racial society for the win!)

 

Taco Bell can jam its Sririacha menu right up its butt. Sorry, still pissed off.

 

We're back and with a heavy, weary sighing, realize that we're still not done with Mark and Kyle and Daisy and all the utter crap that is their storyline. Mark comes in and is all "you killed her? We weren't finished!" Kyle is all "are you kidding?" in a tone that says he is just about fucking done with with this shit right here, but luckily--or unluckily--Mark is distracted by that pesky file. Which is lying in plain sight on the bed. How did that get there? Was Kyle carrying it when he was chasing PA or what? 

 

Well, anyway, Mark spots it and gets all suspicious (and rightly so, although he doesn't know it) especially when he sees it's full of Max stats. Disbelieving the idea that Kyle and Daisy are taking part in FBI Agents Who Are Inexplicably Still Employed Trivia Night at the local pub, he asks what's going on, and what they're really doing. The camera focuses on Daisy's still-bloody knife as the tension fails to mount, but then Kyle, of all people, pulls out of the skid--he says it's a present for Mark! Daisy picks up the cue with commendable dispatch and says it was supposed to be a surprise. Kyle spikes the ball right back with how they knew he was upset about the press conference so they got Max's stats so Mark can kill her! "When the time is right!" chimes in Daisy, clearly fearful that Mark might charge out of the house right then and there and get the pair of them in even more trouble with their shadowy overlords. 

 

Mark, being basically a seven month old German Shepherd puppy that's been transmogrified to human form, believes them instantly and apologized for doubting them, and how he shouldn't have acted out without talking to them. Daisy's all hey, it's so cool that you did that, we totally understand and we're here for you, please don't wish us into the cornfield, and then Mark ups the discomfort level to NUCLEAR by going in for a hug. It's hilarious, with Daisy standing stiff as a board and her arms dangling, Kyle doing his best "back off from my chick" broface, and Mark just having a loving family moment. It goes on and on and ON, until finally Daisy breaks the circuit by hugging Mark back. In a nice and all too rare moment of character continuity, he instantly flinches away from being touched and asks if they'd mind bringing poor dead PA downstairs? So they can finish the interview? Kyle and Daisy realize that Mark is a bottomless pit where the crazy is concerned.

 

And FINALLY we cut away from this to Ryan, who's doing what he loves--pacing through a crime scene with his entire forehead creased up like a folding fan. Mike speculates that Neil might be using his dad as a hostage but Ryan doesn't think so. Everything seems to indicate a loving son who took care of his father. Just then he spots a big piece of paper with TODAY IS WEDNESDAY and other basic info on it in block letters, and the stars align to bring forth that rarest of beasts: Competent Ryan Hardy. Hold your breath, don't make a sound, or you'll scare him away!

 

Ryan twigs that Dad has dementia, and that could mean that said dad could be equipped with a GPS tracker (too bad Neil didn't remember that before going all Full Metal Jacket on Louisa) in case he wanders off. He sorts through a scatter of papers, and bingo! Ladies and Gentlemen, we now have the plot pins lined up for the episode finale!

 

Cut to an extremely precious and twee outdoor farmer's market, which Neil has selected as the perfect place to buy his dad a damn soda already. I guess there were absolutely no convenience stores or gas stations between his house and here (and to be fair, he may have wanted to put some miles between him and his pursuers and wants a crowd to get lost in.) Neil is steering dad,who's in cheerfully babbling mode as he's being pushed around in his wheelchair about buying Neil's mom an egg cream and Neil clearly reaching the thin part of his patience. 

 

And none too soon, because Ryan and Co. are now pulling into the market parking lot! So I guess either this farmer's market is in that part of New York one mile outside Queens that is nothing but lush rural countryside or Ryan's car can fly, but anyway, here they are! Beep beep beep goes their phone as they cruise the parking lot, spotting the nurse's car. They park and hop out (and sing it with me if you know the words! NO OTHER COPS ANYWHERE IN SIGHT) and start scanning the lot, where lots of extras are standing around pretending they care about pumpkins and aren't freezing their nips off. A faster beeping steers them into the market...

 

...where Neil and his dad are STILL waiting to pay for that soda. I don't care what anybody says about self checkouts tearing down communities, this here is a perfect example of why they're handy! Neil looks up and spots--uh oh!--Ryan! Heading straight at him but clearly not seeing him yet. 

 

Neil decides that, being a serial murderer and torturer, he's through playing by society's rules and promptly steers his bewildered dad towards the exit. Dad is shocked at such rapscallionism on Neil's part! He asks if this is a game, and how he used to be great at hide and seek, but not anymore "because you always find me..." and Neil stops dead as certain important facts organize themselves in his brain. He immediately pulls the GPS off Dad's neck...

 

Just the Three enter the market and start cruising the aisles, the GPS signal indicating that they're right on top of him. Alas, Neil is still several steps ahead, since the signal box is now being trammeled about the store by a kid who's running wild unsupervised (parents, do not let your kids tear ass through crowded markets. If they don't run smack into the canned soup display they're going to be used as pawns by murderers!) Realizing they've been given the slip (which would not have happened if local PD were there assisting/guarding the exits/ blocking the parking lot, you rebels) they regroup.

 

Neil is hauling ass through the parking lot in a panic and wondering if his rule breaking rampage can include dumping his dad in the nearest bush. He scans for an escape and sees some poor bastard heading to his car. Parking his dad and saying he'll be back, he heads right over and stabs the guy! Lovely. (In an especially delightful touch a car wooshes by just as the guy slumps over to the ground.) Neil grabs up the car keys, turns...

 

And there's his dad, who has clearly seen the whole thing, to go by his horrified expression. Neil tries to brush it off but Dad's not having any of it. He freaks out more and more as Neil tries to calm him down but all it does is escalate matters until dad is in full on screaming, arm-flapping meltdown. First he misses his program, now this! 

 

This has the effect of attracting a lot of attention, unfortunately for Neil, including Ryan and and Mike! They run towards him, guns drawn and order him to get down on the ground but Neil is made of sterner stuff. He flings himself into his ill gotten vehicle and peels out! Ryan runs after him, and for once, actually fires at the car, shattering the windshield but not stopping it. Ryan ends up snarling to himself in the middle of the street and wondering where that sense of deja vu is coming from.

 

Flo the insurance lady looks precious in that pilgrim outfit but there were no witch burnings in the American colonies, Progressive.

 

Back to car chase! Neil is being an even bigger crybaby then Mark, if such a thing is possible, at the events of his day when BOOM! things get even worse! Wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles, there's a police roadblock up ahead! Neil, as shocked as any of us at this display of competence coming out of nowhere, promptly slams on his brakes and nearly rear ends another car spinning around in a not at all incriminating manner, no sirree. He heads back the other way, but here come Ryan and Mike! Ryan's back in "blank face self destructive hero" mode, which is freaking Mike out because they are now in a game of chicken with a crazy killer. At the last minute, both cars veer off and Neil heads off into a field! Lots of close ups of Intense Driving Faces as the two cars steer around a rural picnic area like it's a demolition derby arena and whoopsie! fairly enjoyable continuity error, as the back window of Neil's purloined chariot appears and disappears from shot to shot. 

 

More vehicular hurlings about and then finally, Neil manages to crash himself into a few barrels and a picnic table and come to a halt. Unfortunately, the airbag does not go off in his face. Ryan and Mike pull up and leap out, guns at the ready, as Neil stumbles out of his own car, holding an automatic (what? Whatever, okay, fine, he's got a gun, because--of course--the rest of the scene couldn't play out if he didn't have one.) 

 

Ryan halfheartedly tries to talk Neil into giving himself up be we all know that's not going to happen--we're not even at the midseason finale yet--and anyway, Neil seems really upset that his dad's love was contingent on not seeing him shank total strangers, so he's not listening anyway. Ryan steers the convo towards how his dad needs him but that was clearly the wrong tack, since Neil is convinced his dad now hates him "because of you." Yep, that's why. We might as well just pin the blame for the Hindenberg disaster on Ryan at this point.

 

Anyway, Neil knows he can't be taken alive, the plot would never stand for it, and wearily points his gun at Ryan. This gets him the lovely prize of several bullets fired into his chest, mostly from Max who has popped in out of nowhere. (Seriously, I actually rewound this whole bit and she is very clearly not in the car during the entire chase, but she kind of sneaks out in a crouch from the far end when Ryan and Mike do. What the hell, show? That is seriously sloppy.)

 

WHOMPH and down goes the latest in a series of stalling procedures by the writers. The three rush up and kick the gun away and do all the stuff TV cops do when they gun down a suspect. Well, Ryan and Mike do, Max just stands there, hoping she's projecting "despite my earlier declaration I will do anything to help Ryan" and not "When the fuck is the director going to yell cut?" 

 

And as punishment for our sins, we are once more back with a closeup of Mark's beaming puss! Wonderful. He's geared back down to standard crazy, finishing up his little "interview" with now dead PA and Warren. It's unclear if it's being taped but it would be SO GREAT if if was, and Mark actually mailed this to the newsroom. Just, classic Mark, you know? On and on he yibbles, about how Luke was the confident one and he was lost after he died but then "Andrew helped me get back" (sighhh...yeah, so Andrew picked up Mark and then presumably recruited Daisy/Kyle on somebody or another's orders I DON'T CARE ANYMORE) and then Daisy and Kyle showed up--Daisy looks back over her shoulder with a reassuring 'totally not plotting your death!' smile here--and now they take care of him. How Mark made it past the age of nine without strangling himself with his own tee shirt or diving into a dry swimming pool is an enduring puzzle. 

 

(Also, what if the camera is actually broadcasting? Like, live? Wouldn't that be awesome?)

 

No awesome for you, audience! As Mark beams happily at his protectors, Head Luke finally makes an appearance! Dude, where have you been? Doing laundry or something? Have you seen the brouhaha that's gone down while you were off running around Mark's medulla oblongata or whatever the hell it is you do with yourself? Whatever, he's here now, and warning Mark not to be so sure about that. "They're up to something," mutters Head Luke with Mark's mouth. "Keep an eye on 'em." Mark seems prone to agree as he grins with practiced naivety. 

 

And we are Thank Holy Jesus done with that crew for the remainder of the episode! Now we're at Jeff's FBI memorial and Ryan's giving a nice eulogy. Man, he has had one hell of a busy day! Press conferences, confrontations with hostile widows, chasing down foldy murderers, and now this. Has he even eaten? 

 

Ryan goes on about Jeff being a good colleague and friend (he shoots a nice little dart of a glance at Anna there) and so on, standard issue praise--but then goes on to say that most of all he believed in family and without each other they're nothing. He gives Max a little nod there in a "thanks for still getting my back despite the growing mountain of evidence that's its the wrong thing to do" acknowledgement. This whole thing is a Writer's Message moment about not faltering in the face of evil blah blah blah and it's not like there's anything wrong with the sentiment itself but Jesus, we've been over this! Multiple times! We sat through a damn dream sequence covering this very subject! Either turn Ryan Hardy dark side already or let Joe loose or do SOMETHING besides pace more holes in this worn out rug of  a theme!

 

Ending song starts up as we cut to Mike in the Glass Walled Office Of Secrets, pawing through various stacks of paper. Max comes in, and clearly wound up from her own busy day and spoiling for a fight, asks what the hell he's doing. "You missed Jeff's ceremony for what?" she snaps. "To hunt Mark?" Well, yeah. Especially since our only lead just went down in a plot-insisted suicide by cop and our quarry is clearly escalating his crazy shit! Granted, it may seem bad form to miss the memorial but if Mendez can't go on her Goddamn honeymoon this particular bit overtime seems like pretty small potatoes.

 

Mike, rather then snap back, just looks at her and asks if that's what she thinks of him? Clarke died because of what he did (it's getting harder and harder to remember that Mike is the one who shot Lily, especially because the show insists on Ryan Hardy being the front and center of the action and plot developments at all times) and how can he face them now? 

 

Max looks at him, her defensive posture crumbling, and then pulls him into a hug, both of them shattered by the serpentine of horrors that has whipped through their lives. This would be a genuinely touching moment if it wasn't a setup for yet another Krazy Misunderstanding! moment! But, as will shock nobody who's watched TV in the last forty years, as the two tortured souls cling to each other for a moment's comfort, along comes Tom Rayes! Remember? Max's boyfriend/dramatic device? Yep, he's luckily strolling by at that precise minute and of course, he is immediately all frozen and shocked, because there's no way two people who just had a day like today and a known history together might be hugging and not have it lead to prompt intercourse right there on the table.

 

Max continues to hold Mike, whispering "We're all responsible" as Rayes turns away without letting him know he saw them (because two minutes of adult discussion might, horror of horrors, clear this whole thing up with no ridiculous ramifications and contortions down the line) and Mike lets her go with a look of real regret that things have turned out so damn wrong. Max slips away, looking almost too tired to stand.

 

Ryan and Gwen enter his apartment (his alarm goes off in a nice bit) and he slumps his way into the kitchen as Gwen, casting about for a means of comfort, asks if he's hungry? He should be, I haven't seen him eat a thing all day, but Ryan just says nah, he's fine. Gwen offers to leave him alone if he wants, but Ryan's all no, stay. She's all sure, okay, and he clarifies that he means permanently. He wants her to move in.

 

Gwen, oddly, asks if this is because of Jeff and Anna--he wants to keep an eye on her? It's not totally an illogical question but kind of sticks out considering the whole "raw emotional intensity" that the scene seems to be aiming for. Ryan denies it, saying if that were true he'd tell her to run, get as far away from him as he can (which is really the truest thing Ryan Hardy has ever said) but he can't, it would destroy him to lose her. "I love you," he concludes.

 

Gwen smiles and says she loves him too, but...if she moves in, if they're living together, no secrets. (Uh oh.) "That wall that you put up? Has to come down. Can you do that?" asks Gwen in a not at alllllll suspicious way. Not at all. Ryan just sees it as "promise not shut you out" thing though and they smile at each other. It really cannot be clearer that Gwen is up to no good. 

 

Cut to series of shots of Max, heading home to a truly grim looking apartment house. You could shoot a Sy Fy horror flick here every night of the week. Ending song guitar swells under her coming inside, heading up the creepy ass stairs (this is clearly a rogue staircase, in thrall to the darkness), putting her key in the lock--

 

When a sudden movement makes her jump a mile and lunge for her gun! Luckily she doesn't shoot because it's Tom, whew! At first you think he's here for a confrontation about the whole hug thing, but a reassuring glance at the counter promises that we're in minute 58 of a 59 minute episode and there's no time for that, thank God (nonwithstanding that little bit about him looking for her, she says she needed to be alone, he pauses bullshit that promises all this will be exhaustively revisited soon enough.)Instead he's come by to offer support and dinner after Max's bitch of a day, and she agrees.

 

And a good thing she does, because a shot of her turning away from her front door through the peephole reveals--Kyle! Are you stunned? In a manner other then "Oh GOD, I'd forgotten about this bullshit" manner, I mean? 

 

"Too bad," says Kyle, "we coulda had fun with her." Gross. Daisy reprimands him that they're not here for that, and he says right, let's get this done. The pair of them (What were they doing before Max showed up? Oh ick, never mind) move through Max's place, planting cameras that give a clear view of each room on the laptop Daisy shuts onto the closing card. Ahh, so this is the mission given to them by Juliana! I'm sure there are tons of not infuriating at all twists and turns coming out of this setup!

 

Man, this took forever. I feel like Ryan Hardy at the end of his typical day. Hope you all enjoy!

Edited March 19, 2015 by Snookums

[Dowel Jones]

Ryan at the news conference (paraphrased):  "He's a cowardly killer, and his days are numbered.  The FBI is coming for him."

So, basically, he has the run of the countryside for the next several weeks. 

 

  All in all, I found it hilarious that Neil wasn't given up by good cop work but by the loud protestations of his demented father.  It took those cops at the roadblock long enough to react to the car turnaround.

 

Don't law enforcement agencies use computer generated in-color suspect sketches to get the best possible likeness for public release?

 

And, finally, was there nothing in that upper floor room that would break the window glass so the reporter could attract some attention?  I would sacrifice a foot or a knee to make it happen.  But hey, she was only a guest star.

[Yeldarbe]

It looked like the back window was there the whole time to me, and also I went back and watched again and you can very much see the outline of a surprisingly silent max in the back behind Ryan.

Why do I even with this show?

when that lady came into the diner I said "Hey look! It's that Det. Cornell from Secrets & Lies!"

[Chas411]

As terrible as this show is I continue to love for Ryan, Mike and Max alone.