Small Talk: Don't Tell Jeffrey!

[vera charles]

Lura, I am between Baltimore and Washington. I think chessiegal is my neighbor. :) Our farmer's market starts in late May or early June and goes until the day before Thanksgiving, so Wednesday was the last time for this year. We had a freak snow storm but they had it anyway, so I was out in the snow buying Brussels sprouts , broccoli, and winesap apples. I'm sad that my market is closed for this year!

 

I can't figure out what was missing from that Thanksgiving menu, so someone will have to tell me.

 

And on my own menu, I forgot that my mom made pumpkin pie and my sister made an applesauce cake. Truly a team effort.

[merriebreeze]

cranberry sauce or relish?

[chessiegal]

Vera Charles, I'm sure we are neighbors. We had a little snow on Thanksgiving, nothing that accumulated, so I was going to ask you how much you got. It looked like folks north of Annapolis got more than we did.

[Lura]

Merriebreeze, congratulations!  You win!  Maybe someone forgot to add them to the press release, but I thought it was odd not to have cranberries.  I can't imagine Thanksgiving without them, but that could be because I love them.

[vera charles]

Vera Charles, I'm sure we are neighbors. We had a little snow on Thanksgiving, nothing that accumulated, so I was going to ask you how much you got. It looked like folks north of Annapolis got more than we did.

Chessiegal, I live in the central part of Anne Arundel County and it snowed like crazy on Wednesday. My son had college classes  Wednesday morning, so we picked him up and headed west just after noon. It snowed like crazy all the way to my parents' house in far-western Maryland, but the roads were not bad at all. We came home today and there is hardly any snow left in the higher elevations and none at all here. Definitely a weird early storm.

 

Oh, I totally missed the cranberry sauce! I would be disappointed if that was missing from the Thanksgiving dinner table. I love them.

[Lura]

Oh, so would I miss them, Vera!  It wouldn't seem like Thanksgiving without cranberries.  Besides, we have to keep Ocean Spray in business!  The article said that the Obamas were having "family and friends" to the dinner.  If the Obamas don't care for cranberries, I'd think that some of their friends would.  Oh, well.  I'm not going to get all twisted about it.  It was their dinner!

 

What ever happened to that old tradition of putting a little cup of mixed nuts at each table setting so that guests could munch on the nuts after dinner as they sat around the table, talking?  In my grandmother's time, and even my mother's, no proper dinner was complete without the nut cups.  I wonder when that practice fell by the wayside.  I'd almost forgotten about it.

[vera charles]

What ever happened to that old tradition of putting a little cup of mixed nuts at each table setting so that guests could munch on the nuts after dinner as they sat around the table, talking?

 

 

The origin of the old saying "From soup to nuts".

[Bastet]

And the setting for Nora's wonderfully-delivered "Waiter, will you serve the nuts?  I mean, will you serve the guests the nuts?" in The Thin Man.

 

Do you see anything usually on your table that the Obamas didn't have on their menu?

 

A side salad.  (And wine, but I assume drinks were left off.)  I did notice the lack of cranberries, but we don't usually have them, either, because I'm the only one who likes them - so it just depends on whether I'm in the mood to pick up some cranberries (fresh only, because that glop in a can just plain grosses me out) and make something just for me, and I'm usually not.  I really only do it on the years my best friend joins us.

 

I got home early this morning, and Maddie turned out to be an excellent motorhome kitty.  By Friday some people with dogs had come in on either side of us, and, even though there was a whole lot of open space between us and them, she could see and hear them and just didn't care for that at all when we were outside, so she pretty much stayed in after that other than a couple of short walks around the campsite each day.  But she'd just take a nap in there when she was by herself, so it worked out great.

 

Thanksgiving dinner came out delicious, even though I forgot to bring the sprigs of rosemary I'd cut for the brine.  We still had plenty of garlic (and salt, of course), so couldn't go wrong.  I have to wake up earlier in the motorhome than I'd like, because I have the sofa bed, so when my parents come out of the bedroom into the main cabin, they're in my "bedroom," but my dad makes me a Bloody Mary and I get over it.  And my mom made waffles Friday morning, so I was, well, a happy camper.

Edited December 1, 2014 by Bastet

[LazyToaster]

Hi everyone, I have loved reading all the Turkey News! We didn't have anything unusual, but it was all good and a group effort. Dinner at my sister's and the star of the show was my nephew and his wife's almost 7 month old baby who was kind enough to let me rock him to sleep after dinner. :o)

I did ask my sister to let me have the turkey carcass and made soup today. It turned out great and will make a nice lunch to take to work tomorrow.

[captain1]

Maybe y'all can help me out - I have been roasting a turkey for years without incident, but this year came close to disaster. Here's what happened: I had procured a fresh 14 pounder. He said he would take 3 3/4 hours at 325. I shoved butter under his skin, rubbed more butter, salt, pepper and herbs on him, shoved a quartered onion and a cut in half stalk of celery in his cavity, same as my mother before me. Tucked his wing tips under, and put him on a rack in my roaster pan. Put him in the oven, basted twice, saw that he was browning nicely and tented him with foil. All the same as I have always done. His pop up timer said he was done a full hour early. I was sceptical so checked with my trusty instant read. Breast read 180, meatiest part of thigh (not touching bone) read 175. I took him out of the oven, removed him to a platter to rest, and covered with foil. 45 minutes later, when DH went to carve him, bloody juices were overflowing the platter. We ended up with just the breast meat - didn't feel safe to serve the dark meat. When we turned him over, his whole underside seemed not done. What gives?

Edited December 1, 2014 by captain1

[Lura]

captain1, I love your post because it's like a mystery, and I enjoy mysteries!  I've been sitting here for several minutes, trying to figure it out.  I even got my DH in on the act.  Neither one of us could solve it.  It couldn't have been a faulty pop-up because you double-checked with your thermometer.  -- unless the pop-up and your oven temp were both off, which is highly unlikely.  Is there any chance at all that you accidentally turned the oven off after seeing the pop-up?  In that case, the oven would retain its warmth (though not up where it should have been) if the door wasn't open for long.  It's so easy to do something like that when you think something is done, especially on Thanksgiving when you're harried as it is.  Did you wrap the turkey tightly in heavy foil while it rested?  Ina always does that, but I don't because I want the skin to stay crispy.

 

Other than these two little ideas, I have no explanation for why the turkey wasn't completely cooked through.  Of course, there's always the chance that you had a wicked turkey who was still holding his resentment over being slaughtered!  I'm sorry you had such a disaster, but everyone has to have at least one Thanksgiving turkey story about a mishap, and you now have yours!

[captain1]

Yes that could be it - bad turkey karma! I definitely didn't turn the oven off, so it wasn't that. Next year maybe I will try the technique of roasting him bottom side up for a while first, then flipping breast side up. In the end, it was all good as we had plenty of everything!

[vera charles]

I think my turkey was about 14 pounds. I put it in at 450 for about a half hour (maybe a little more), then turned the oven down to 350 and let it roast for another three hours or so. I tented with foil the first 2.5 hours, then uncovered it for the last hour. The temperature at the thigh was 185 when it came out of the oven. It rested on the counter for about an hour while we finished the side dishes and I covered it loosely with foil all of that time. When we moved it to the platter, it was still so hot I couldn't pick it up barehanded. The white meat was very juicy, not dry or overcooked at all, and the dark meat was very done. I am always wary of time-by-pound estimates, since every turkey seems to be different. A fresh turkey makes a huge difference in the cooking time. The first fresh turkey I ever roasted only took 2.5 hours for a 12 pound turkey. We could have had Thanksgiving lunch instead of dinner!

 

This is the recipe I used: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/robert-irvine/roasted-tom-turkey-recipe.html I saw Robert Irvine make it on a Thanksgiving special years ago on FN. He helped a lady cook dinner for a volunteer fire department. The turkey they used was huge, so I scaled down accordingly.

Edited December 1, 2014 by vera charles

[anneofcleves]

Interesting about the different roasting times.  I roasted a fresh, 24 pound* turkey this year.  It took 4 hours on the dot (starting it at 400 degrees for 20 minutes and then roasting the remaining time at 325 degrees).  I only cook the bird to 165 degrees in the thigh, though.  And we usually tent for a full hour, otherwise it's too hot to handle.  It works great, because it gives me an hour to finish gravy, reheat a few things, and tidy up the kitchen.

 

*  I usually don't make birds that big, but there was a request for lots of leftovers.  Personally, the smaller birds taste better.

[captain1]

Think the mystery may be solved! Out to dinner and a Christmas concert with friends tonight and related my tale of woe. My friend's husband, who owns an Ace hardware store, said "I bet your bottom oven element is burned out". Will check tomorrow but I bet he's right!

[Lura]

That sure sounds like it!  Oh, to have smart friends like he is!  From now on, I'm going to remember to check with the Ace Hardware man!

[larapu2000]

This year, I enjoyed kofte, doner kebob, rice pudding, liver, potato fritters, grilled haloumi, boregi, and European Fanta (why is US Fanta such crap???)  for my Thanksgiving meals in Istanbul, and finished with a Turkish pastry that I had never heard of but was filled with pistachios and honey, with a thick, crusty, phyllo outside from a Turkish pastry shop called Hafiz Mustafa.  Forget French pastry, I want to live in that place.  http://www.hafizmustafa.com/galeri.html

 

We did a Turkish cooking class, and I really recommend doing one for anyone travelling abroad!  We did ours with the Istanbul Cooking School, our teacher was Oguz, pronounced Oz.  We made hummus, bouregi (cheese filled phyllo pastry), spicy bulghur salad, walnut chicken, roasted eggplant with peppers, and halva for dessert.  Everything was great!  The walnut chicken was strange, but the spicy bulghur salad was one of the best things I've ever had!  He took us to the local market and walked us through buying spices and telling us which brands were legit.  I know my fellow culinary geeks will be jealous to know that I bought a gram of saffron for $13.  $13!!!!!!!  I also bought sumac, a ground red pepper spice-which is red pepper flakes and isn't paprika, and one of the greatest things ever, pomegranate molasses.  It is like reduced balsamic vinegar but tangier.  It's the key ingredient in the bulghur salad, and I can't wait to cook with my new spices!  The downside about recreating the bouregi is that he had this incredible, gorgeous, lovely, FRESH phyllo dough.  And I will be forced to use frozen and it won't taste as good and I'll cry.  Well, maybe not, but I would DIE for fresh phyllo after having tasted it.

[3pwood]

larapu2000, did your Turkish teacher pronounce "phyllo" as "feel-o" or "file-o"?  I've heard both (sometimes from the same person); is there a consensus in Turkey?

[Lura]

Larapu, your cooking class sounds interesting.  Phyllo dough is an absolute snap to make.  My former next door neighbor, originally from Europe, taught me how.  It's so much fun to do, and it tasted 100 times better than what you can buy.  If you have a Saturday afternoon sometime, I urge you to try it.  It doesn't take all afternoon to make -- I just used that as an example.  The most fun is stretching it over a tabletop and seeing how far it stretches.  Really amazing.  I wouldn't be surprised if you could freeze any leftovers with parchment in-between the layers.  Every so often I still love apple strudel made with homemade phyllo.  Drool!

[Lura]

For a long time now, some contessas have referred to Ina's blouses as "shents."  I often wondered what the term shent actually meant.  Last night, I put it into the browser, and there were no results.  I then went to Webster's online dictionary and tried the word there.  Again, nothing.  I'm hoping that someone will tell me where the word shent came from originally and what it means.

[vera charles]

According to Urban Dictionary, it is a combination of shirt and tent.

[larapu2000]

Larapu, your cooking class sounds interesting.  Phyllo dough is an absolute snap to make.  My former next door neighbor, originally from Europe, taught me how.  It's so much fun to do, and it tasted 100 times better than what you can buy.  If you have a Saturday afternoon sometime, I urge you to try it.  It doesn't take all afternoon to make -- I just used that as an example.  The most fun is stretching it over a tabletop and seeing how far it stretches.  Really amazing.  I wouldn't be surprised if you could freeze any leftovers with parchment in-between the layers.  Every so often I still love apple strudel made with homemade phyllo.  Drool!

Really????  Aww, that makes me feel a little more brave in tackling it.  It really made all the difference in the world.

 

I believe our instructor pronounced it "file-o,"  3pwood.  Since I didn't really hear any other Turks pronouncing it, it's hard to say if there's a consensus.  But it was delicious.  Like "I never want to use frozen phyllo again!" delicious.  

[dkmc]

Hi all. I normally just lurk on this board as I did on TWOP for years. Just coming out to say that I am Greek. My parents were born in Greece and we came to the US when I was a toddler. My first language was Greek and I still speak it fluently with my family here and in Greece where I have visited many times. Filo/Fillo/Phyllo is pronounced fee-lo in Greece and among Greeks here in the US. In fact, fillo is the Greek word Φύλλο that means "leaf" . The letter Φ in Greek is pronounced "fee" in Greek not like ΦBK -Fi Beta Kappa (as the sororities/societies pronounce it)  My mother has always made her own and spanakopita/spinach pie just doesn't taste the same with store bought filo IMO.

 

Now on to Ina, I love and have tried/use many of her recipes but her Greek recipes leave much to be desired IMO. Especially her Pastitsio recipes. This recipe is close to my family's  http://greekgourmand.blogspot.com/2009/01/pastitsio-perfection.html  (not affiliated in any way). Pastitiso is traditionally layered this way and the recipe is also similar to what I have eaten in restaurants all over Greece. We use ground beef. A few members of my family don't eat lamb. But even in Greek homes in Greece you will find it this way. Pastitsio in Greece is always made with a thick macaroni. This one is popular in Greece and it's the one I buy locally (even has a picture of pastitsio on the package) http://www.amazon.com/Misko-2-Pastichio-Pasta/dp/B0038O9D1W/ref=sr_1_2?s=grocery&ie=UTF8&qid=1418170959&sr=1-2&keywords=misko+%23+2

 There are a few other brands as well and they can be found in Greek markets if you have one near you. I hope this helps someone! :)

 

Edited to add: Although the above recipe is similar to mine, the main difference is we don't use rosemary in the sauce or as much flour in the béchamel sauce. I use a cinnamon stick simmered in and removed later, or about a half teaspoon of ground cinnamon which i believe is more traditional. Also, after spreading with béchamel sauce, sprinkle lightly with parmesan and some ground cinnamon. This helps give it that nice golden color.

Edited December 11, 2014 by dkmc

[larapu2000]

This has a pretty hilarious blurb about Ina.  It's a funny article, I adore Williams-Sonoma, but sometimes I feel like a pretentious toerag in there, like my food will taste magically better if I buy this electric orange spatula!  Or this leaf cookie mold!

 

http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/the-2014-haters-guide-to-the-williams-sonoma-catalog-1667452305/+laceydonohue

[dkmc]

It is so weird how when you think of something the Lord will put it in front of you! Last week I was making a lasagna and I was recalling my favorite Greek dish from back in the 80's and 90's that was served in a local Greek restaurant. It has gone out of business and I crave it to this day! And then I come here and you have posted what I am looking for. And now I have a website to browse as a bonus. I am also Googling frantically trying to find a recipe for homemade phyllo dough. I never knew you could! I am not a fan of it from the store so I seldom use it. Since I have recently discovered ridgeless lasagna noodles at my local Harris Teeter, it has changed my whole world. So now I hope to be able to do the same with the phyllo dough. 

 

Glad I could help, stewedsquash! Here is a recipe from Diane Kochilas, a popular Greek-American author http://www.dianekochilas.com/filo-101-tips-on-home-made-and-store-bought-filo/  (My mother is from Epirus so she does add the egg but doesn't use any vinegar or lemon). One of Diane's books has recipes for the pies from different regions. The Glorious Foods of Greece: Traditional Recipes from the Islands, Cities, and Villages: http://www.amazon.com/Glorious-Foods-Greece-Traditional-Villages/dp/0688154573/ref=la_B00OM2BXZ8_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1418193446&sr=1-5  Another popular book with traditional Greek recipes, especially if you like the desserts, is this one http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Book-Greek-Cooking-Cathedral/dp/0060921293/ref=asap_B00N9W4VSI_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1418192949&sr=1-1  (although there is no homemade filo recipe in this one).

Edited December 10, 2014 by dkmc

[Lura]

Is anyone else beginning to feel the holiday crunch?  I was wondering today while watching Ina make marshmallows and white chocolate bark, how on earth she manages to do it all and remain so unruffled.  It didn't take long to hit me.  She has two assistants and a secretary, an assistant cook and even Jeffrey.  If she wants to send out holiday cards to everyone from coast to coast, she simply turns them over to the secretary!  Like big shot presidents of companies, she has an assistant who can take care of the shopping.  In other words, Ina is free to dally in her kitchen preparing one fun treat after another without breaking a sweat.  She can even fit in a few parties.  Her cookbook is done, so she and Barbara can make holiday cookies 'til the cows come home. 

 

Me?  I'm pushing the panic button and staying up until all hours, trying to get ready.  It isn't like I started late, either.  Before it was even time for Halloween pumpkins and Thanksgiving turkeys, I had my shopping well underway.  So, what am I doing wrong?   I have a SIL who loves Christmas so much that she starts preparing in late May.  She cans jellies and jams in July to give to people hither and yon at holiday time.  By Thanksgiving, her house is decorated, her gifts are mailed.  She spends December curled up in front of the fireplace listening to Christmas music and drinking eggnog!!!  I know she regards me as a Late Kate, as she calls those of us who toil 'til the last minute.

 

If anyone has any suggestions for how to beat this rat race, I'm open to them.  I want to be more like Ina, who not only had time to make candy, but also had time to stir together a pasta dish while giggling in the kitchen with a friend.  There are times when Ina makes me ill.

[Bastet]

I haven't yet bought a gift, mailed a card, or put up a decoration.  I'd have normally done that this week, but I know it will get done; the extra few days won't make much of a difference.  I'll decorate today, take tomorrow off to do one marathon day of shopping, and sit down in front of the TV one night this week to do the cards (I don't mail many cards anymore, as I hate the waste of paper, so I just do them for those I know would be offended by not receiving one and send everyone else an email).

[larapu2000]

My suggestion is to buddy up.  A longtime friend and I collaborated to make homemade toffee, caramels, marshmallows, hot cocoa mix, peanut butter cups, and 3 kinds of bark.  We made apple butter back in October for her to give out and I've got loads of jams and pickles to give away to friends.  Since I'm the experienced one with candy, she was the one melting the chocolate and coating the toffee, chopping nuts, making the bark, and packaging it all up.  We did twice the work I would have done on my own, but we get twice the number of items and a bigger variety.  Also, I think doing one candy or cookie a night is usually a pretty small time commitment-it took me about 30 minutes to make caramels one night, and probably another 30 to cut and wrap them, but if I did a bunch of other stuff, I'd be wiped out.  

 

I will say doing jams/jellies in the summer saves you loads of time during Christmas.  You just have to buy ribbons and froo froo for decoration!

[Lura]

As I've said 'til I'm blue in the face, ask a question on here and get some wonderful replies!  Stewed squash, thanks to you, the devil is playing with my mind.  I had a good laugh over the idea of rearranging things!  If she didn't live a continent away, I'd be tempted!  LOL  Larapu, that girlfriend is worth hanging onto.  I like your attitude, Bastet!

 

This was the first summer since I was 15 that I haven't canned anything.  Thus, I'm mulling over ideas for quick and easy food gifts.  They have to be things that will almost make themselves because I don't have much time to make and mail.  A couple of years ago, I made soothing milk bath sachets, and they were the biggest hit of anything I've made over the years.  So simple, but appreciated.

Edited December 15, 2014 by Lura

[Bastet]

I like your attitude, Bastet!

 

I think it's a wonderful thing to take the time to make gifts (food or otherwise) for loved ones at the holidays, and hopefully most of those who receive them truly appreciate the effort and sentiment involved.  But I don't find it worth running myself ragged over.  The years when I can reasonably make time, I do it.  The years where I'd have to forgo sleep and stress myself out to get it done, however, I don't do it.  My friends' holidays are even tastier the years they get Ina's chocolate bark, but they don't suffer for lack of it the other years. 

 

Now, I remember standing in a tiny kitchen at 3:00 in the morning making fudge and decorating sugar cookies to place into decorative tins for each of my coworkers to take home with them as we went into the winter holiday break.  I had the energy to spare at 22; I don't now.  I've become fiercely protective of "me time" as I've gotten older, especially as our modern society has come to dismiss, or even attack it particularly when it's taken by women.   

Edited December 14, 2014 by Bastet

[vera charles]

Don't feel like you are the only one running late, Lura. I just got back from buying a Christmas tree! I think this year things were especially rushed because Thanksgiving was about as late as it can be, so there were fewer days between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

 

Over the years, I have tried to just cut out the stuff that I and the rest of the family don't care about, in order to focus on the things that we do care about. My husband did the outside lights last weekend and he addressed the handful of cards we send the other night. I went shopping a few weeks ago and again one evening last week. I will have to do one last run tomorrow after work, then the gift buying is done. My son will be coming home from college on Wednesday, so I'd like to have the tree decorated by then. I will do some baking next weekend, then take some cookies to a couple of neighbors - an older couple on our street and a single man next door, none of whom have family nearby - but that is the extent of my food gifting.

 

When watching Ina, it helps to remember that she tapes those shows way in advance, so it's hard to tell what actually goes on in the Garten house as the holidays draw near. And doesn't she go to Paris, anyway?

 

When you think about those people who start decorating right after Halloween, remember that they are the same people who are so sick of Christmas by the time it finally gets here, they are ripping their decorations down on December 26 and moving on to the next thing on their list. Personally, I wish we could go back to the way it was when my parents were kids. They didn't put the tree up until Christmas Eve and spent the whole week between Christmas and New Year's celebrating and they didn't take the decorations down until Epiphany. I think somehow we have gotten it all backwards. The weeks leading up to Christmas should be filled with hopeful anticipation, not hysterical hyper-speed preparations and beating ourselves up because we didn't get everything done in November. At least that's how I wish it could be.

[Bastet]

Don't feel like you are the only one running late, Lura. I just got back from buying a Christmas tree!

 

See, to me that is completely normal -- growing up, we always got our tree right around the 15th, and I continued that timeline as an adult.  (I take it down New Year's Day while watching bowl games and snacking.)

 

I put the Christmas lights up the Sunday after Thanksgiving.  (They are extremely simple - just a strand of multi-colored lights around the roofline.)  But the interior decorations I don't do until this time of year.  I get irrationally annoyed by Christmas lights up before Thanksgiving, even though there is certainly no harm done; just one of those pet peeves.

[vera charles]

Wow, I never heard of that sheets thing, stewedsquash! My grandmothers were both way too picky about how clean their houses were to ever let something like that happen!

 

This year, I feel like everybody else in town got their lights up and their houses decorated on Thanksgiving weekend, because it was 70 degrees that Sunday and it's been cold ever since.

[Bastet]

Okay, y'all made me look up Epiphany.  January 6th, if Wikipedia is to be believed. 

 

I can't find reference to the sheets thing, though.  That seems like too long to go without clean sheets; I wonder what the basis of that tradition is.  Maybe your mother-in-law made it up to give herself a rest.  In which case, she may be onto something here.  I think I'll declare it verboten to mop floors between Mother's Day and Memorial Day.

Edited December 14, 2014 by Bastet

[vera charles]

Epiphany is the celebration of the arrival of the Three Wise Men to the manger and it's always January 6. One of my grandmothers had a Nativity scene set up and she moved the Wise Men and their camels closer to it every day, until they arrived on Epiphany. It is also the 12th day of Christmas. In spite of what the marketers would have us believe, the 12 days of Christmas start on Christmas and end on January 6.

[Lura]

Stewed squash, I enjoyed reading both of those articles.  Thanks for the links!  This is all new to me -- the part about no laundry.  Since one article was in a Tennessee publication, and the other talked about North Carolina, I'm wondering whether Old Christmas is something that Southerners are more acquainted with than Northerners.  I'd think that once a tradition began like that, with the threat of a death associated with it, it would spread fast.  I couldn't go that long on used sheets, but I'm sure I'll think of Old Christmas when I change them ... and probably shiver a bit!

 

Something different has to happen in my Christmas preparations.  The ideal would be the wealthy SIL celebrating her own holiday and appreciating that each of us do things differently.  However, she stepped up the pace of our family Christmas the moment she entered the family.  My mother followed suit, and everyone else clicked their heels.  She insisted that our Christmas was too "ordinary," whatever that meant, and that she was unhappy unless the holiday was over the top in buying and gift-giving.  As a result, I've learned to hate our family Christmas as it is now. I miss the Christmases of my childhood.  Next year, so help me, I'm going to declare way ahead of time that my Christmas will be much smaller and less complicated from now on.  I absolutely have to opt out of this rat race and allow myself time to appreciate the magic and the wonder of the season.  I LOVE that some of you have shared your traditions. 

 

Vera, make that two introverts -- you and me!

Edited December 15, 2014 by Lura

[vera charles]

I can't seem to find the comment now, but it was someone else who said they were introverted.  But I am also an introvert, so I understand the feeling of being able to do your own thing, while also feeling like you don't quite get what everybody else is doing. :)

 

I went to bed last night thinking about your comments, Lura. I, too, have a sister-in-law who came into the family and decided that what we had always done didn't suit her, so she forced changes, and my mother went along with a lot of it. In our case, though, SIL decided that her family of origin should take precedence and my brother no longer needed to exchange gifts with our family. Because all of the other grandchildren are over 20 and SIL's kids are younger, we all buy for them and get nothing in return. My sister and I each have our own Christmas celebrations at our own houses and give gifts to each other's families. We also celebrate with our own in-law's, so it's not like we don't have any Christmas at all. But I miss my family getting together like when I was a kid.

 

This is the same sister-in-law who, the first time she tasted my completely from scratch, three day project Christmas trifle, explained to me that her friend made something similar that involved frozen pound cake, instant pudding and Cool Whip. According to her, I was a fool to spend so much effort on something that could easily be tossed together from packets and no one would really care. I can laugh about it now, because she really is an idiot, but at the time, my feelings were very hurt.

 

This really is an interesting conversation and I am glad we are all here to support each other. :)

[larapu2000]

Anyone whose palate cannot distinguish between Cool Whip and pastry cream is a total bonehead!!

 

My family has gotten smart and gotten small and I don't think it's hurt anyone's feelings.  My mom and her sister decided no more gifts for nieces/nephews after the age of 25, and it's the same on my dad's side.  I literally only have to buy gifts for my immediate family, my two grandmas (because they have EARNED it!), and then whatever friends/coworkers I have.  I like that I don't have a massive Christmas gift list, it makes me spend a little extra on the special people in my life.  My family has long discussed taking a family trip in lieu of gifts each Christmas, we have just never pulled the trigger (but with my sister living in London, it's the perfect chance to do it!).  

 

We always do a heritage style Christmas-pierogis, cabbage rolls, sausage, some kind of roasted root vegetable, and we also do a beef tenderloin because my dad likes that kind of cut better than chuck roast or short ribs (what a moron).  This year, we are trying our hand at making gorka, which is sour cherries rolled up into tubes, baked, then stacked into pyramids, covered with sour cream frosting, and then sliced.  I'm exhausted from the last 3 years of trying to re-create the amazing apricot kuchen my sister and I had in Dresden, and the whole family loves sour cherries, so I think it will be a hit!

 

[grisgris]

This is the same sister-in-law who, the first time she tasted my completely from scratch, three day project Christmas trifle, explained to me that her friend made something similar that involved frozen pound cake, instant pudding and Cool Whip. According to her, I was a fool to spend so much effort on something that could easily be tossed together from packets and no one would really care. I can laugh about it now, because she really is an idiot, but at the time, my feelings were very hurt.

 

 

Vera, are you sure your SIL's first name isn't Sandra? Kidding aside, I can totally understand why you'd feel crushed after a remark like that.

 

I don't have much of a family and dodged the in-laws bullet completely. I was with a guy for about three years and spending time with his family was pure torture. His sister was the bossy type who tried to micromanage everybody's every waking minute. I, too, am an introvert and need a lot of "me" time. I absolutely HATE playing board or card games and that's what she wanted to do all the time.

 

For Christmas Eve, we always used to have a traditional Swedish dinner -- brown beans, bread, meatballs, lingonberries, herring in white sauce, the whole works. Eventually, my mother got too old and tired to do it, so my youngest brother took over the cooking and the tradition turned to Wisconsin beer/cheese soup. My brother is a really good cook, do that was fine. Christmas dinner was always smoked turkey, scalloped oysters and port wine salad. My mother is now deceased, so my brother and father do whatever. Sometimes my sister and I go to visit.

 

On year, MANY years ago, I invited a guy I was dating and his mother over for a pre-Christmas Eve dinner. I tried to go the entire Swedish route and copied recipes out of my mother's cookbook. (I now have it. She wouldn't ever loan out any of her cookbooks.) I pulled out all of the stops and had never made any of the recipes before. Luckily, everything turned out. This guy's mother was a fussy, old "pearl-clutching" tightwad type. The funniest thing was I had a black cat at the time. She was a very docile, almost timid cat, and suddenly, she took a flying leap and landed right on the center of the table. I guess she was after the herring, but it was hilarious. "Mom" nearly had a heart attack and soon had to be taken home, because she was so upset over the "evil cat." After they left, I handsomely rewarded the cat with extra treats!

 

Last holiday season was dismal. I was in a really bad place, plus I could hardly walk because of my bad hip. This year, I am over-compensating by celebrating with food to the hilt. I am going to just bake a few types of cookies next weekend. My dad is pre-diabetic and my best friend is diabetic. My downstairs neighbor had gastric bypass and another neighbor was just diagnosed with celiac. I guess that leaves the mail carrier lady (she was so nice to bring my mail right to my door until I got my hip replaced) to give some to. There are these two older men who work at the grocery store who were very helpful to me when I had to shop in the motorized carts. I thought about sharing with them, but I think one is diabetic.

 

As for the additional 12 days -- bring them on! I'll take an excuse to not do laundry during that period of time. I have plenty of sets of sheets, underwear, clothes, etc. to tide me over. LOL!

 

[Lura]

You're going to make a lot of people happy with your Christmas goodies, grisgris.  That's Christmas to me -- having the time to do things like that. The food that your family enjoyed in the old days sounded delicious to me.  I wish that you had some way of enjoying the same dishes now.  Are there any Swedish restaurants in your area?

 

Vera, your SIL's remark about your three-day trifle was mean and sounded to me like jealousy.  It seems to me that anyone would taste the difference between her version and the richness of your version.  I have encountered the same problem with my SIL.  She asked for recipes for 7 or 8 things that I had made, then later -- in front of my entire family -- went through each one, telling me how she had improved on them.by adding this or that.  I felt humiliated and betrayed.  Happily, the world is full of wonderful people who make up for the ones who get their kicks out of being mean-spirited!

Edited December 15, 2014 by Lura

[grisgris]

Lura, no there aren't any Swedish restaurants around here. The closest one is in Lindsborg, Kansas, which I think is a good three-hour (or longer) drive from here.  If I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY wanted Swedish food, there is a little "old-world" mom and pop type of deli over on the Kansas side about half an hour from here, where I could pick up most of the ingredients. (OBTW, the Swedish heritage comes from my late mother's side of the family.) The problem with that is a little goes a very long way.

 

HUGS to those who are stressing over holiday preparations and dreaded anticipation of having to spend days with relatives and in-laws. That makes me think of something. Have we EVER heard Ina mention sharing any meals or holidays with her's or Jeffrey's families? All I know about them is that Ina's father was a surgeon. Didn't Ina meet Jeffrey somehow through his brother?

[Quof]

I started a new job a few years ago in early December.  I didn't know what the "rules" were about Christmas, so I brought each of my new coworkers a nice Christmas plate with an assortment of homemade goodies. The tradition has grown, with each year bringing a more and more elaborate basket full of treats, and not so subtle hints starting in the fall about looking forward to Christmas treats.  They buy me stuff from a store. It's exhausting, but it is nice to be appreciated.

[grisgris]

I used to do that, too, a long time ago. As the years passed and my co-workers got younger and younger, it was no longer any fun. Too many obsessive dieters, organic-only, vegans, gluten-free, ad nauseum.

[Quof]

Fortunately, our only dietary requirement is "Tasty and homemade".  All other rules are suspended.  It's become a bit of a legend (perhaps in my own mind?); clients make a point of "coincidentally" dropping in to the office on the last work day before Christmas.   This year I've been sick and haven't really felt up to it, but worry what would happen if I stopped, so I soldiered on.  I'm a trooper :)

[Bastet]

The married/partnered couples I know who enjoy the holidays the most are the three who've stopped trying to decide whose family to be with each year and decided they'd each be with their own -- she goes to her parents' house, he goes to his.  It started when circumstances pretty well forced the issue for one couple several years ago, and they wound up loving it and contined the tradition.  Then, a couple of years later, another couple said, "You know, we should try that ..."  Repeat the next year with another weary couple.  We'll see how far it spreads, I guess, but it only works for those without kids.

 

Anyway, I hope those of you who have people - whether someone else's family or your own - to endure rather than enjoy this holiday season get through it all with sanity intact!  (Not having to deal with in-laws is one of the approximately 274 reasons I choose to be single.  There is just nothing like people's holiday dinner stories to reinforce that.)

 

Oh, and my day off to do all my shopping?  I was on my way out the door when it turned into a day to get a tree for my parents and decorate it; my dad was busy fixing busted plumbing in the backyard and my mom's back was really bothering her.  By the time I finished that (okay, with numerous breaks to play with the kitties), the last thing I felt like doing was shopping.  So now I need to take tomorrow off, too.  No big deal, really, but I definitely had a moment of "Oh my god, it's 10 days 'til Christmas!" 

Edited December 16, 2014 by Bastet

[Lura]

The married/partnered couples I know who enjoy the holidays the most are the three who've stopped trying to decide whose family to be with each year and decided they'd each be with their own -- she goes to her parents' house, he goes to his.

 

Respectfully, I couldn't imagine spending Christmas without my DH, and I know that he'd say the same thing.  We always alternated every year, spending Thanksgiving with one set of parents and Christmas with the other, then switching the following year.  Although our families were polar opposites, it worked because we made it work.  Every couple has their own method of celebrating Christmas, and I don't fault them if that is their choice.  I'm simply saying that, for us, it wouldn't have been Christmas without being together.

[LazyToaster]

We have a very low key Christmas and I love it that way. But, I have fond memories too of years gone by when it was all chaos, noise, and fun too.

This year we have a baby in the family (my great nephew) and another one on the way, so that adds a very sweet element again. Life goes in cycles it seems.

As far as extended family goes - I always say that every family is at least a bit dysfunctional. If you don't think so you either haven't met everyone or been to enough dinners. Ha!

[Bastet]

Respectfully, I couldn't imagine spending Christmas without my DH, and I know that he'd say the same thing.

 

The idea expressed by all three couples is, basically, "We live together, so we have no shortage of time together.  It's nice to have a sort of 'throwback' experience one day a year to just be with our family of origin."

[grisgris]

I think that sounds like a great idea and would be the only way I'd be able to tolerate it if I were part of a couple.

 

Also, you know the relationship is very sad, when you preferred your BF's MOTHER's company over his!

 

YMMV, so Happy Holidays -- whomever you spend it with!

[Bastet]

Unfortunately I had to resort to ordering several things from Amazon (and signing up for a trial of something to get free 2-day shipping) when I couldn't find them during my wanderings today, but my shopping is done.  And I got the cards done last night.  So now I just have to pick a night to make martinis and wrap everything (I hate wrapping, and not everything can realistically go into a gift bag, so there needs to be a stiff drink involved) and I'll be done.

 

Now I can get back to work ... and to thinking about what veggies I want to make for Christmas Eve and Christmas dinners.  We usually have ham for Christmas dinner, which I enjoy eating once a year but never want to eat other than that, and then Christmas Eve dinner could be just about anything.  I think it's prime rib this year, which is not remotely my favorite, but a nice pungent horseradish root will yield a tasty sauce.