S09:E01: September 28, 2023

[JenE4]

The singles and the crabs invade the beach.

[DEL901]

Rachel looks good…I know she had a breast reduction, but maybe some Botox too?

[dizzyd]

Thanks @JenE4

Rachel has a new bod, lost weight, smaller boobs and a new face. Did they get a proper resort this time as opposed to std beach? Brayden will thrive in this setting as will most of those that come after. Glitter girl looks so much better without the glitter.

Edited September 29, 2023 by dizzyd

[JenE4]

I would have not been able to pick Blake out of a line-up. Man has had a glow up. I think everyone else probably looks the same—but I also would not be able to pick most of them out of a line-up because I don’t remember 2/3 of them.

Edited September 29, 2023 by JenE4

[Riplet68]

Rachel needs to give up the one armed top. It drive me nuts on her season, and I hate it already. But I hate her in general

[DEL901]

Wow, they spent a lot of time on intros.   Finally.  I still don’t remember everyone but at least this gives them context.  . 

[JenE4]

Okay, I’m guessing Aven and his fire emoji will show up sometime after Kylee and Aaron and the soggy jacket guy work through some love triangle business to really blow things up.

[Riplet68]

I don’t like aaron…he got more and more obnoxious with charity, and he’s already being a jerk. Braeden is a lot, but I never thought he was the jerk they made him out to be. I found him honest at least. 

Edited September 29, 2023 by Riplet68

[JenE4]

8 minutes ago, Riplet68 said:

I don’t like aaron…he got more and more obnoxious with charity, and he’s already being a jerk. Braeden is a lot, but I never thought he was the jerk they made him out to be. I found him honest at least. 

Right, he’s saying he’s changed because he’s thirty and it’s summertime and he has lavender shorts and slippers. But the second Brayden walks in, it’s the anti-Brayden brigade all over again. Let it go, dude.

Olivia smells like fresh garbage?!? Maybe—hopefully—he said a fresh garden? 

[GracieK]

I have a soft spot for Blake so I hope he does well and finally finds his actual person (ugh did I just use that phrase)

Can’t stand Kylee or Brooklyn - and Rachel annoys me although as someone who is dying to get a breast reduction it’s nice seeing how well hers turned out 

I would never have guessed that was “jacket guy” - he looks totally different 

I liked glitter girl and I hope she does well 

I also can’t help but like Brayden - he’s obnoxious and calling yourself quirky feels like you’re trying too hard. Also stealing Johnny Depp’s look is a choice. But I still find him hot 😂

[GracieK]

Ok Olivia and jacket guy have definitely been chatting it up before they got there - no one eases into a situation like that and starts talking about sucking toes unless they’ve been flirting and in each other’s dms for awhile 

[JenE4]

Will was so quick to lock down Olivia within 5 minutes of talking that he might have screwed up his chances with Kylee. Considering 4 or 5 guys are after Kylee he probably figured he was out of the running. Then again, maybe the kiss with Olivia made Will’s stock soar a bit, as he suddenly stood out as a desirable option. Now Olivia is seeking vengeance because her true love of five minutes was swooped away from her. She still thinks her kiss with Will will bring him back, but she’s not realizing Kylee and Will will spend hours together in a romantic setting and surely will overshadow the 5 minutes she spent with him talking about nothing but sucking toes.

[JenE4]

I was literally just thinking that isn’t there an invisible edge that goes deep and how can they see walking in the pitch black. And then that just happened!! Why would they put the table on the exact edge?!?!

[GracieK]

I don’t understand the physics behind how Greer’s bathing suit top isn’t flipping her boobs right out the bottom 

[SassyCat]

Oh Rachel.. please find a new group to search through for a man. Shes doing that valley girl accent talk with some added vocal fry. Shes so …. No.

[JenE4]

“Word around town is you give good advice.” Translation: The producers told me to come vent to you about Will going on the date with Kaylee after he vowed to suck my toes.

[JenE4]

Olivia is really worked up! She really thought a toe-sucking conversation meant they were engaged. I’m guessing she does not do well with getting ghosted after first dates. Maybe this is why these participants should actually take some time to talk and get to know each other before pairing up rather than deciding who has the hottest Instagram photos. Sure, Olivia is cute—but look what you unleashed.

[JenE4]

I’m surprised they’re bringing out Aven already. I would have thought they’d wait a bit longer for Kylee and Will to build a stronger connection. But I guess they want to do it before the first rose ceremony where Olivia would get booted.

[GracieK]

Wow Rachel calling herself literally Barbie is a whole next level of self involvement

 

Also scanadians? SCANADIANS? Holy shit Kat I can’t deal with this level of idiocracy. 

[Kiss my mutt]

Rachel seems too old for this show. She probably isn’t and it’s just I’ve seen too much of her. She sees kind of desperate. I don’t think Sean is going to stick around.

I don’t remember about half of the girls and about a third of the guys. 
 Olivia was the one who brought up the sucking toes business and Will wasn’t really feeling it but trying to go along with it as a joke by washing her feet. I’m not sure why she thought they were an item. I don’t think he owed her an explanation but what’s the point of coming over and telling her that. It just makes him look like an a-hole, or maybe he really is. I don’t remember him.

Blake looks so much better. He isn’t borderline chubby or chubby anymore. He’s definitely got a lot of Botox in his face though. 

[SassyCat]

1 hour ago, GracieK said:

Also scanadians? SCANADIANS? Holy shit Kat I can’t deal with this level of idiocracy. 

Yes, all that because what she was really talking about was cicadas 🪳🪲🪰

I thought she was going to talk about Scandinavians, then she said mosquitos, and it ended up being  Scandian Cicadas. Or something like that. 

[JenE4]

8 hours ago, GracieK said:

Wow Rachel calling herself literally Barbie is a whole next level of self involvement

 

Also scanadians? SCANADIANS? Holy shit Kat I can’t deal with this level of idiocracy. 

To be fair, Rachel was playing off of Sean insisting he’s a “literal” Ken. He really let winning the Ken doll challenge define his personality! I’m curious what his stance is now that the Barbie movie has been released (and presumably wasn’t yet at filming). Being a Ken is not exactly a compliment. Though, his job for this summer is “just beach.”

[Crashcourse]

Olivia:   Yeah, you got a pedi but those toes look nasty, and talking about toe sucking is not gonna attract a guy. 

[tinkerbell]

What I recall is Will complimented her pedicure, which prompted her to ask if he wanted to suck her toes. He was confused, said she was all sandy, and they went to the water to clean up. Then she insisted he carry her, to keep her toes from getting sandy again. I thought Will kissed her in order to not reject her, since kissing was in his repertoire for first meetings, and toe-sucking was not.  

For Olivia to then claim him was ridiculous. These people came from the Bachelor/Bachelorette.  Kissing someone does not equal an exclusive relationship. 

[Sweet-tea]

Quote

Rachel has a new bod, lost weight, smaller boobs and a new face. 

Looks like she had a nose job too. If she got Botox, I don’t get it. Why does a 27 year-old need Botox? I don’t understand the trend of young women getting it, but maybe it’s because I’m older. 

Quote

Will was so quick to lock down Olivia within 5 minutes of talking that he might have screwed up his chances with Kylee. Considering 4 or 5 guys are after Kylee he probably figured he was out of the running. Then again, maybe the kiss with Olivia made Will’s stock soar a bit, as he suddenly stood out as a desirable option. Now Olivia is seeking vengeance because her true love of five minutes was swooped away from her. She still thinks her kiss with Will will bring him back, but she’s not realizing Kylee and Will will spend hours together in a romantic setting and surely will overshadow the 5 minutes she spent with him talking about nothing but sucking toes.

 

I was rolling my eyes at Olivia. They are day ONE on a hook-up show and she’s upset because he kissed her and then went out with Kylie. Please! Has she not watched this show? I agreed with what he said to her. If they were at least a week or two in, then maybe she had a point. But not the first day. 

I wish they had gone back a few more seasons for some of the contestants. It seems like most of them are from the last few. I didn’t watch Charity’s season so I don’t know any of them. 

Edited September 30, 2023 by Sweet-tea

[JenE4]

I looked up Olivia because I have no recollection of her, and she was sent home night 1 of Zach’s season! I wonder whether he picked up on some emotionally unstable vibes or she’s just trying real hard now to make a name for herself in Bachelor family. Probably both.

https://www.usmagazine.com/entertainment/news/olivia-lewis-get-to-know-the-bachelor-in-paradise-contestant/amp/

[Hip-to-be-Square]

In the season previews, the pretty redhead Sam is talking to a medic and saying that she's been constipated for 9 days and then Aaron S. the hot firefighter yells to her, "It's not your poop baby, it's our poop baby!"  And they say romance is dead these days! 😄🚽🌹.  The turtle slowly inching its head out during the medic's poop delivery rundown was A+++ editing imagery! 😄

[Amznamy]

Ok, so, let's be honest...BIP isn't exactly a documentary on the human condition...but it's kinda close. S9: E1 of BIP is a prime example of why we as humans, even at our best are really at our worst.

It's Day 1. Everyone is SUPPOSED to get to know EVERYONE, however the two consenting adults see fit. These men and women will go thru (most likely) every other man and woman before they find their "person", as they should; this is literally what the show is about. 

As per usual, we've got a dramatic, overly-sensitive, self-important cast member on the first day...Enter Olivia.

Girl, you made out with a dude within 30 minutes of meeting him (the general standard on BIP). And good for you; you do you. But stop telling people he was asking/talking about sucking on your toes bc you were the one that brought it up and asked. Come on, boo. 

Should Will have told you about the date with Kylee before going? Yes. Did he need your permission? NOPE. And Kylee didn't need to ask your permission. It's crunch-time. 4 girls are going home. And if we're getting TECHNICAL, Kylee and Will had a personal connection before he even talked to you. OLIVIA felt bummed out first. You don't see her complaining or saying to EVERY. DAMN. PERSON in paradise that you stole her man, do you?

Babe, grow up. Move on. If you can't, then try hard to act like an adult...that'll get guys' attention more than a toddler having a temper tantrum will.

 

 

[ljenkins782]

On 9/28/2023 at 10:13 PM, GracieK said:

Ok Olivia and jacket guy have definitely been chatting it up before they got there - no one eases into a situation like that and starts talking about sucking toes unless they’ve been flirting and in each other’s dms for awhile 

Yeah, that whole scene had the vibe of a staged "meeting" scene, they were way too comfortable together. It would also explain Olivia's outsized reaction to Will going on another date. It's considered a crime against humanity to have a pre-existing relationship on that beach, so no one will admit to having talked before the show.

Quote

Rachel seems too old for this show. She probably isn’t and it’s just I’ve seen too much of her. She sees kind of desperate. I don’t think Sean is going to stick around.

Rachel doesn't have a great poker face, her obvious dismay at being the first one there was written all over her face. Similarly, her attempts to show enthusiasm over Sean aren't quite landing for me. Doing the math of 11 women/7 roses, I think she may have calculated that Sean is kind of a doofus and not likely to be a hot commodity, so she can get a cheap first rose and then see who else comes down the pike. 

Quote

 

I also can’t help but like Brayden - he’s obnoxious and calling yourself quirky feels like you’re trying too hard. Also stealing Johnny Depp’s look is a choice. But I still find him hot 😂

 

Same, I can't help but sort of get why women would like him, he has a certain charm even if it's often obnoxious. He's definitely a bad bet for anyone to try to get involved with, his "always looking for my next best option" promises some drama in this kind of setting. But at least he's mildly interesting, unlike Aaron. 

Not loving the Out of Africa getup he chose for his entrance outfit and his ridiculous earrings are such a cry for attention, but he can kinda sell it. 

I wonder if I'm thinking of the wrong person, I remember Kylee being kind of abrasive on Zach's season, but she seems extremely timid here. 

Glitter girl Jess seems very sweet and young, very wrong for this kind of show. I still can't stand Brooklyn, but her Kat impression was pretty spot on. 

[tennisgurl]

So begins another cycle of questionable choice theater! I honestly don't even remember half of these people, I am really glad that they added some clips of each person and them being sent home, it did jog some memories. This is already a hot mess and I am here for it.

Rachel being here seems like a bad idea, for both of her seasons she was massively insecure about not being everyone's first choice, so her being on a beach where its basically a dating free for all seems like a recipe for another sobbing break down if she feels like she isn't the center of attention. She looks great though.

Brayden is one of those guys that was just made for Paradise, I am not a big fan of his showboating but I actually found him less annoying than Aaron by the end of the season, who became increasingly dickish as the season went on. At least Brayden's brand of asshole can be entertaining. 

Who knew Kat was the Darth Vader of the Bachelor franchise? She just hates sand, its course and rough, and it gets everywhere...

Will probably should have said something to Olivia before going on the date after kissing her, but holy shit did she overreact. Girl, it has been less than 24 hours on a dating show and it was just a kiss and some weird toe banter, not an engagement. She wasn't wrong about Kylee dumping him the second a better option comes up though. 

"I'm not here for drama or love triangles."

"Proceeds to ask out guy who was just making out with another girl."

Edited October 3, 2023 by tennisgurl