S03.E12: Cold Feet

[Mondrianyone]

This can't be an easy day for you, @Xebug67. I hope you're surrounded by those you love and who love you and understand.  💔

[Xebug67]

18 hours ago, Mondrianyone said:

This can't be an easy day for you, @Xebug67. I hope you're surrounded by those you love and who love you and understand.  💔

Mondrianyone, thank you for your kind wishes.  Sadly, the only family I have in the world is two cousins who reside in Florida (I'm in Arizona). 

The family of my husband, who was one of 11 siblings, primarily live 4 1/2 hours north of me in Page, Arizona (I'm in Glendale, Arizona).  They offered for me to stay on with them for an additional week after we buried my husband, but I had three cats I had to (and wanted to) get home to.  The dog was with me, so I think that's why they thought I could just stay on.

Surprisingly, as hard as every day is without my Terry (that's my husband's name), yesterday really didn't feel any harder.  I was surrounded with love (three cats and a dog - our fur children), and a couple of his sisters texted me their good wishes.  I basically loafed around in bed with all my pets watching movies. 

For anyone who has lost a beloved family member/friend, I'm sure you all  know that every day without them is a challenge.  I was in such a depressed state of mind driving back from Page (the grief was just so overwhelming) that I just knew I would not be able to cope on my own, so I contacted my PCP's office upon my return, asking for an appointment so as to get help moving forward.  They referred me to someone with whom I have my first intake appointment next week.  The holidays this week curtailed my being able to obtain any immediate assistance.  Because I'm so alone here I really do need someone to talk to, so I'm greatly looking forward to speaking with that professional.

[Mondrianyone]

Just saw this on the news this morning. Maybe worth looking into, @Xebug67?

[Twopper]

@Xebug67, I am so sorry to hear about your husband.   I think I will go hug mine right now.  He had a minor stroke 2 weeks ago, but he seems to be normal again.  It is scary how quickly things change.  I was worried the few days he was in hospital, that we would somehow pick up COVID as well.   The lockdowns and limited medical care we have had during this period of COVID probably contributed to it, but maybe not; I guess i will never know.  At least I was able to be with him at the hospital;  keeping family--especially spouses--away seems so cruel to me.

[gingerella]

@Xebug67, kudos to YOU for reaching out for professional help. I applaud you! If I may, please ask your therapist if they practice CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. That type of therapy helps you work through stuff, giving you homework and such along the way, verynuseful fir where you might be now. And if you dont feel a connection with the first therapist you speak with, find another until you find someone you gell with. Don't feel like you have to take the first one you meet with and are then stuck with them. Take care, xo

[Xebug67]

On 11/26/2021 at 8:19 AM, Mondrianyone said:

Just saw this on the news this morning. Maybe worth looking into, @Xebug67?

Thank you, Mondrianyone.  I've been offline for several days and am only just now seeing your post.

[Xebug67]

On 11/26/2021 at 10:32 AM, Twopper said:

@Xebug67, I am so sorry to hear about your husband.   I think I will go hug mine right now.  He had a minor stroke 2 weeks ago, but he seems to be normal again.  It is scary how quickly things change.  I was worried the few days he was in hospital, that we would somehow pick up COVID as well.   The lockdowns and limited medical care we have had during this period of COVID probably contributed to it, but maybe not; I guess i will never know.  At least I was able to be with him at the hospital;  keeping family--especially spouses--away seems so cruel to me.

Thank you Twopper for your kind condolences.  I'm happy for you that your hubby is returning to normal.  Hug him any and every time that you can, because you're correct about how quickly things change.

The last communication I received from my husband at 02:15 a.m. just before they put him on the ventilator.  He emailed me, "Love you wife.  They are putting me on ventilator.  Love you always, our critters."  He also sent "love you" messages to all 10 of his siblings.  It was as if he knew that he'd never come back to us once they put him on the ventilator.  It kills me that they put him through this in the middle of the night when he was all alone and probably terrified.

 

On 11/26/2021 at 11:51 AM, gingerella said:

@Xebug67, kudos to YOU for reaching out for professional help. I applaud you! If I may, please ask your therapist if they practice CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. That type of therapy helps you work through stuff, giving you homework and such along the way, verynuseful fir where you might be now. And if you dont feel a connection with the first therapist you speak with, find another until you find someone you gell with. Don't feel like you have to take the first one you meet with and are then stuck with them. Take care, xo

Thank you for the helpful tips, Gingerella.  It's very kind of you.

[the-grey-lady]

On 11/23/2021 at 10:44 AM, Xebug67 said:

My husband of 18 years passed away a week ago Sunday after a three-week battle with COVID on a ventilator in the hospital.  We just buried him this past Saturday. 

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Your husband sounds like an amazing person.

[Kelly]

On 11/29/2021 at 2:51 PM, Xebug67 said:

The last communication I received from my husband at 02:15 a.m. just before they put him on the ventilator.  He emailed me, "Love you wife.  They are putting me on ventilator.  Love you always, our critters."  He also sent "love you" messages to all 10 of his siblings.  It was as if he knew that he'd never come back to us once they put him on the ventilator.  It kills me that they put him through this in the middle of the night when he was all alone and probably terrified.

I'm so so sorry, my heart is breaking for you.  You are in my thoughts.