Jump to content

Type keyword(s) to search

Quotes: Action Sequels Are Best With A Pinot Noir

  • Reply
  • Start Topic

Recommended Posts

"Breasts are for children. When you grow up, it's all about ass" -- Mickey's Life style Advice

"Banging whores and getting your kid beat up? That's some spiritual awakening, Mick" - Ray F' Donovan.

  • Love 1
Link to comment

^^ Made me think about last season.

"You girls know how to twerk?"

And then when two, uh, "working girls" were hired for entertainment for Bunchy's housewarming party one introduced the other as "The Artist that Makes You The Hardest." Cracked me up.

  • Love 1
Link to comment

Cochran: I really couldn't give a shit about you potato eating Riverdancing motherfuckers.

Mickey: Donovans don't apologize.
Connor: But you just said, "A good man feels bad when he does something wrong."
Mickey: But he don't tell no one about it.

Lena: Tight white t-shirt and a leather vest.
Ray: What color?
Lena: Black.
Ray: Rock and roll or S&M?
Lena: A little of both. Wait, with tight ripped jeans and a bandana.
Ray: He's got a young girlfriend.
Lena: No, no, no, no. It's kinkier than that.
Ray: Boyfriend?
Lena: Hold on. He's getting something out of the trunk.
Ray: What?
Lena: Fuck. Forget it.
Ray: What? What is it?
Lena: He's in a fucking cover band.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
Fixed wonky editing after forum upgrade
  • Love 2
Link to comment

Abby: This whole Trousdale thing - it's not really our world.
Deb: Why? Because one nosy c*** makes fun of your accent?
Abby: It's a sign.
Deb: No. "For Sale" is a sign. "In Escrow" is a sign. "Sold" is a sign. Do you think I was welcomed with open arms when I first got here? I was the mistress for twenty years. Fuck the bitch. Buy the house, add a second story, and block her view.

Mickey: Shorty, you got any aftershave or men's cologne?
Shorty: For a job interview or a woman?

Ralph: Do you think I'm a moron?
Mickey: Good question. I'm not confident to give a professional evaluation.

Amy: More wine? But something different. I feel like action sequels are best with a pinot noir.

Stu: Hey, you ever get hit in the head while you were coming?
Lena: Not unless I threw the first punch.

Ray: $200,000.
Harriet: Are you serious?
Ray: What?
Harriet: I can't run that much cash through the gym, Ray. You need another shell. I keep telling you - diversify.
Ray: We're moving to Trousdale. Kids are going to private school.
Harriet: Trousdale? What is this? 1966 and you're Nancy fucking Sinatra? Hey! George Hamilton called. He wants his bag back!

Kate: I think sequels go better with beer.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
  • Love 3
Link to comment

Mickey: The heroin dealer moved to 203. I better put up a sign.

Shorty: What the hell are you doing in there?
Mickey: Jerking off. Come on in!

Mickey: You're gonna croak any day now, right?
Shorty: That's what they tell me.
Mickey: Why don't you take out a life insurance policy in my name? I'll pay for it. Someone should benefit when you kick the bucket.
Shorty: You gotta be kidding. Nobody's gonna sell me a life insurance policy. I have pre-existing conditions coming out my ass. You could have my pension if we got married. You know that's legal now.
Mickey: The world went fucking nuts when I was inside. Now you can buy pot in the strip mall, they got a black guy in the White House, and two men can marry each other.
Shorty: Mick, I got a question. Will you marry me?

Steve: I want to kneel at your feet.
Ray: Don't do that.
Steve: I see the god in you, Ray. I have to acknowledge who you are.
Ray: Come on. Get up.
Steve: Why does my love make you uncomfortable?
Ray: I don't know. Maybe it's the headset.

Mickey: They say write about what you know. I know two things: robbing banks and fucking black chicks.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
  • Love 2
Link to comment

Steve: Did you fuck Ashley last night? Cause when I fucked her this morning, I felt very close to you, Ray.

Steve: When I was 12 years old, I jerked off to my mother breastfeeding my baby sister.
Ray: ......
Steve: Unburden yourself. Try it. Say the unsayable thing. Tell me the thing that you are afraid of. Open the door.
Ray: ....
Steve: Radical honesty, Ray.
Ray: I think you're a fucking asshole and I'm just using you for your money. We good now?
Steve: Yeah! I love it!

Ray: What the fuck do I have to do to you, Bob?
Bob: He's the bad guy, Ray, not me. I don't go in her house. I don't try to hurt her. The worst thing I ever did was jerk off in her car!
Ray: ....
Bob: She left it open.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
Link to comment

Mrs. Drexler: Anyone want coffee?
Lee: Stop offering people things! This is a home invasion!

Avi: She's fucking somebody else. I can't tell him.
Lena: You have to tell him.
Avi: Nope. Out of the question.
Lena: Come on, Avi. You never fucked a married woman?
Avi: No.
Lena: You know I have.
Avi: [eye roll and sigh]
Lena: Why do you care if she's fucking around? She has every right. Ray's been fucking around on her for years.
Avi: I can't tell him!
Lena: Well, if you won't, I will.
Avi: I'll kill the cop instead.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
  • Love 1
Link to comment

Ray: You got a gun?
Lena: [exasperated "of course I do!" face]

Conor: I want another pill.
Abby: Conor, you get one every four hours.
Conor: But it huuuuurts.
Abby: Stop being a baby!

[Bodyguard #1 takes Ray's gun]
Bodyguard #2: Tsk, it's a birthday party, man.

Ray: What time you wrapping up [the birthday party] here?
Cookie: I don't know. These little motherfuckers like to party hard.

Darryl: Mickey, you don't have anything because you're a fucking asshole.

Ray: There's a million dollars on that table. Five hundred thousand if you split it, a million if you don't. I'll let you two sort that out.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
  • Love 2
Link to comment
Ray: What time you wrapping up [the birthday party] here?

Cookie: I don't know. These little motherfuckers like to party hard.



The writing on this show often leaves a lot to be desired in terms of plot and characterization, but the dialogue is always great.  That line made me sorry to see Cookie go.

  • Love 1
Link to comment

A few from Finney:


"No bloodshed, no police... I had to say that"


"My father was a criminal, Mr. Donovan. He assured that I didn't have to be."

"People like us, you bet on the man, you most definitely bet on the man"


Link to comment

Lena: Avi asked me to come work with him.
Ray: What's he offering?
Lena: Sparkling water.

Connor: I was making my bed!

Daryll: Did you kill that pimp?
Mickey: Technically the water killed that pimp.

Ray: I'm not for sale.
Malcolm: So we're still negotiating.

Lena: What is it with you? Why can't you ever just ask for my help?

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
Link to comment

Abby: How's Lauren?
Margaret: Flunking out of college, dating an asshole. Sound familiar?

Casey: Cap'n Crunch, he's fighting off these droneberries that are blasting earth from the dark side of the moon. And who's sending them? A sadistic robot butler hell bent on revenge after being decommisioned by the first moon colony. Is that awesome or what?

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
Link to comment

Mickey: Maybe [Abby] went back [to Boston] to see that c********* father of hers. Enjoy the fall foliage.
Connor: I think she left because I freaked her out. She walked in on me at a bad time.
Mickey: A bad time. Were you jerking off? Connor, if God didn't want us to jerk off he would have given us shorter arms.

Lena: You gotta lighten the fuck up.

Paige: We just got carried away.
Ray: So you're telling me you got caught up in a whirlwind romance with that fat fuck Tom Verona?

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
Link to comment

Mr. Donellen: Thanks for voting.
Janet: Democracy salutes you, sir.
Bridget: Don't forget your cookie. You have a non-partisan choice of oatmeal raisin and chocolate chip.

Bridget: Omigawd, you're stoned.
Janet: Want some? I've got green crack. Not that I'm trying to propose anything, but it is so good for sex. Let's go.
Bridget: We're supposed to be good citizens.
Janet: You can be stoned AND a good citizen. Look at Seth Rogen.

Theresa: I'm not running off with any gabacho named Bunchy. That's a puppy's name.

Terry: I told you you should have left me in prison.
Ray: What are you talking about? You almost did for free what I paid Sully all that money for.
Mickey: Yeah, would have made Ray Ray real happy if you hit the target.
Terry: It's too bad I got the shakes.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
  • Love 1
Link to comment

Harriet: You know this is a stupid idea, right?
Ray: Maybe.
Harriet: First a bar for your wife. Now you're going to give your short bus brother $1.4 million. If I'd known you were going to throw this money away, I would have embezzled it from you.

Daryll: I think I fucking like you.
Michelle: I think you like fucking me.
Daryll: So what's the difference?

Terry: So Daryll's DJing tonight?
Abby: So?
Terry: So I saw his playlist.
Abby: What? What's wrong with it?
Terry: Lot of KC and the Sunshine Band.
Abby: He did grow up in Palm Springs. What the fuck did you expect?

Old lady: I hope you're not driving.
Abby: He's got Parkinson's, you fucking c***!
Terry: It's good to have a Southie bitch on your side.
Abby: It's good to have an opportunity to be one.
Terry: That's the way, uh huh uh huh, I like it, uh huh uh huh.

Bridget: But you want to take oxy and go bowling with me?

Terry: We can't take communion.
Ray: It's a fucking cracker.

Mickey: They're going to kill me.
Ray: Have you considered suicide?

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
  • Love 1
Link to comment

Ray: If you haven't learned that Mickey always draws a shit hand, that's on you.

Daryll: So, what now? I go to ITT Tech for web design?

Mickey: They ain't gonna believe I'm senile, Ray.
Ray: Really? I don't think it's such a big stretch.

Mr. Donellen: Another A, Miss Donovan. Nice work.
[Janet gives Bridget a look]
Bridget: I've been studying really hard.
Janet: So hard.
Mr. Donellen: Check your mistakes. I'll be right back.
Janet: Come on, Greg. Help me with my proofs.
Bridget: Shut up.
Janet: Higher order derivatives make me so fucking wet.
Bridget: Shut the fuck up. You don't know what you're talking about.
Janet: Sure I do. But you're probably too stuck up to swallow.

Ray: I'm not warning you. I'm giving you information.

Paige: Do you ask your male candidates about their abortions?

Cochran: Has that chick ever heard of Invisalign?

Daryll: You know what Oprah said? We gotta listen to the whispers.
Michelle: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

Ray: You took a dick pic?
Avi: It'll come in handy. Believe me.
Ray: ...Alright.
Lena: Not how I imagined it.
Avi: I do it for the team.
Lena: No, no, Av, it's shapely.

Flip: Do you have any idea what it's like doing forecasts for LA in a fucking drought?

Finney: You have the video?
Roman: It's prurient in nature, Mr. Finney.
Finney: I do hope so.

Ray: Mrs. Minassian, my father's a dipshit. He's always been a dipshit. Unfortunately there's nothing I can do about that.

Ray: Why couldn't you just play fucking bingo like a normal old man?

Finney: I wouldn't see a female proctologist.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
  • Love 1
Link to comment

Abby: You see that woman come by here last night? [Ray] expects me to believe he's not fucking her.
Terry: Is it like Fatal Attraction? I bet she wasn't wearing any panties.
Abby: That was Basic Instinct.

Bunchy: What happened?
Daryll: A $600 Uber ride is what just happened.

Cochran: You know, I believe that God brought you back to me, Ray. Really, I do. I mean, look at you. You're going down for the one murder you didn't commit. I mean, that's divine retribution.
Ray: Where's the poker?
Cochran: Have you checked your ass, Ray?
Avi: You know I have bolt cutters in the van. I can cut off [Cochran]'s testicles.

Connor: Cindy, that girl I met at the internet party - she's a prostitute, isn't she?
Mickey: She sure is, son.
Connor: Do you think I still have a shot with her?
Mickey: You're a romantic, like me! Con, you had your first experience and you're a man now. I'm going to give you some advice. It's good advice. Stay away from sex workers until you're older.

Bunchy: These three boxes of porno are the last of your stuff.

Ray: End of the line, asshole.
Cochran: Just get it over with, motherfucker!
Ray: You sure you want those to be your last words?

Ray: You think you're pretty fucking smart, don't you?
Mickey: Not as smart as I used to be. I got a brain disease.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
Link to comment

Detective Mendez: I could have sworn I saw Hector Campos walking out of your brother's gym.
Ray: It wasn't him.
Detective Mendez: Could have sworn it.
Ray: You just can't tell Mexicans apart.
Detective Mendez: Fuck you.

Muncie: You and your c********* pimp father.

Abby: They want to cut my tits off. I have breast cancer. Apparently. They just told me. Stage zero. You ever heard of that? Stage zero, I mean isn't that everybody? Isn't everybody fucking stage zero?

Terry: Priest says I haven't had my faith tested. Me! I fucking came back from the dead!

Josie: Want a massage of the two feathers?
Drunk guy: What's that?
Josie: Feather on your balls and feather in your ass

Bill Primm: Chip O'Malley. We ran your social security number and it belonged to a 17 year old kid from Boston who died in 1959.
Mickey: You don't say.
Bill Primm: I do say.

Ray: You okay?
Lena: What?
Ray: I know you and your girlfriend, uh...
Lena: Who are you?

Ray: What do you know about football? You're from fucking LA.

Simmons: Why did you quit drinking?
Ray: Why does anybody?

Muncie: Mickey, I found you, you saggy-balled motherfucker.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
Link to comment
4 hours ago, ElectricBoogaloo said:

S4.E1 quotes under the cut until Sunday:


  Hide contents


Muncie: Mickey, I found you, you saggy bald motherfucker.


I think you have a typo for this one...I watched with captions....

Link to comment

Terry: I don't know what else I'm going to do.
Abby: You could start by not getting drunk before 9am.

Teresa: You're not jerking off on me in here, are you?
Bunchy: No, I'm just shaving.
Teresa: What you can't do two things at once?
Bunchy: Shave and jerk off? Why would I do that? Is that a thing?

Marisol: Oh, hey, taser c***.

Lena: Do you really think I waste my time on cock, you fucking idiot?

Daryll: You got a dirty mind, little man.
Connor: I'm just saying. If my sister was that hot-
Daryll: You gotta stop obsessing about this, you little freak. You can't fuck your sister.

Mickey: So what's next?
Muncie: Salsa lessons. What do you think's next? You're going to prison.

Avi: You want to give the murder weapons to the cops?
Ray: That's right.

Daryll: That dude's all over Teresa. Some dudes are into [pregnant women]. Big ass titties, lactation, sweet milk.
Bunchy: Really? Guys are into that?
Daryll: Yeah, they got a whole website devoted to that shit.

Avi: What the fuck, Ray? My mother is upstairs!
Ray: I know. She's making us sandwiches.

Abby: It's just like the real world, but the dicks are bigger.

Link to comment

Bridget: So you dragged me away from my boyfriend on my eighteenth birthday for nothing?
Abby: That's a good name for a pervert: "boyfriend."
Bridget: The age difference isn't even that much. It's only sixteen years. If I was 30 and he was 46, it wouldn't be weird.

Avi: You know why [Ray] does what he does?
Connor: Scrilla, yo!
Avi: Shut your black talk mouth.

Avi: You have to go to school, get into hedge funds.
Connor: I'm not going to be a gardener, dude.
[Avi and Bridget look at Connor like they've just realized what an idiot he is]
Avi: Hedge fund are money, boy. Scrilla, yo.

Pinkie: He's got the eighth sense. He can sense poon.
Ed: What are six and seven?
Pinkie: Losing lottery numbers and bitches with herpes, yo.

Link to comment

Ray: Anything on the DA?
Lena: He clips his toenails. He brushes his teeth. And he feeds his fish. But I'm sure tonight is when a group of hookers is going to show up with a bottle of scotch and a shit ton of molly.

Avi: Oh, shit. I hope I was recording So You Think You Can Dance.
[Lena and Ray look at Avi like he has sprouted a second head]
Avi: What? It's a great show. It has talented people.

Ed: People underestimate Canadian rock and roll.

Ed: I've got two words for you - Bob fucking Seger.

Link to comment

Ray: What the fuck is that?
Mickey: My piss jar.
Ray: I know what it is. What's it doing on the fucking dashboard?
Mickey: When you gotta go, you gotta go. Fritter?
Ray: Where'd you get that?
Mickey: Down in the store.
Ray: You left the fucking van?
Mickey: Sure.
Ray: They're looking for you, Mick. There's a $250,000 reward on your head. You think it's a good idea to be hanging out in fucking donut shops?
Mickey: Fine, I'll stay out of sight.
Ray: You tell anyone you were here?
Mickey: Raymond, I've done this a thousand times. I'm a professional. You think I'm a fucking idiot?
[Ray scoffs]
Ray: Let me get this straight. You walked all the way to the donut shop then came back here to pee in the fucking jar.

Bridget: I broke up with Greg.
Terry: Okay. Why?
Bridget: We were at the Grove and this girl came up to him and said, "Nice to see you're still fucking children."

Ray: What?
Mickey: It's just nice to be working with you, son.
[Ray rolls his eyes]
Mickey: You'll look back when I'm dead and be glad.
Ray: You got that part right.

Mickey: When [Bunchy] was born, I thought he was touched. His eyes just wandered around everywhere. Anything would make him laugh - farting sound, a duck, a door slamming. Shit that would scare Bridget and Terry, he'd just laugh. Thank God for your mother, Ray. At that time in my life, I had very little to offer, I must admit.
Ray: Oh, and you're so different now?

Mickey: When your mother told me she was sick, it felt like the whole world shrunk to the size of our bedroom, the two of us just sitting there all alone scared out of our minds.
Ray: How long after that before you ran off with Claudette?

Mickey: I see how I rubbed off on you, watching me when you were young, picking up my habits. Your boy, Connor, what are you showing him about being a man? About being faithful to a good woman? You better hope he's got more forgiveness in him than you do.

Link to comment

Cochran: Who is it you want to get out of prison?
Ray: My father.
Cochran: Your father? The same guy you brought Sully 3000 miles to murder.
Ray: Same guy.

Ray: You're going to get a call from a deputy at men's central.
Terry: Why?
Ray: He's going to ask you if Mickey's gay.
Terry: What?
Ray: You're going to say he is.
Terry: But he ain't gay.
Ray: Yeah? How do you know?

Terry: If we get a call from the jail, we gotta say Mick's gay.
Bunchy: I actually think he might have done some stuff back in Walpole. Might have blown a guy or something.
Terry: I don't want to hear that.
Bunchy: He's actually kind of proud of it. He said it's like being ambidextrous.

Cochran: Nick Lowell, the agent, do you know him?
Ray: Sure.
Cochran: Of course you do. You know every douchebag in town.

Cochran: I want you to know something, okay? This version of me, this is not how I started out. I had good intentions, okay? It's important to me that you know this for some fucking reason.  You were born a scumbag. I just got worn down.

Referee: The kid reeks of booze and vomit. He can't fight like this.
Terry: That's just the way he smells.

Prison guard: Do you know what a size queen is?
Mickey: A guy who's into big dicks.
Prison guard: Do you know what a bear is?
Mickey: Big fat guy, lot of body hair - like a bear.
Prison guard: Do you know what a wolf is?
Mickey: No, sorry. That one I don't. You made that one up, didn't you?

Cochran: Do you mind if I use your bathroom?
Holt: My bathroom?
Cochran: I had a lot of Mexican food for lunch and there's absolutely no way I'm making it back.

Avi: This fucking guy. He's tried to fuck you I don't know how many times.

Ray: I'm going to get a bucket. I don't want [Nick] bleeding on my rug.

Hector: You let [Marisol] get high?
Daryll: Man, I didn't let her get shit.

Link to comment

Ray: That's not dancing. That's walking a dog.

Connor: You have a gun.
Ray: It's for my job.
Connor: Yeah, but you have one.
Ray: Yeah, and I try not to use it.
Connor: What if I want to do what you do?
Ray: You don't even know what I do, Connor.
Connor: Cool shit for famous people.

TV host: In the state of California, sexual relations between siblings is a felony. Did you know that?
Marisol: So arrest me, motherfucker.

Abby: Did you traumatize [Connor]?
Ray: I sure fucking hope so.

Connor: [Ray] thinks I'm an idiot. You all do. Do you know how hard it is being me?
Abby: Are you for real?

Stu: They locked down my fucking computer.
Ray: Who did?
Stu: The feds. The feds snagged me. They say they got me for child porn.
Ray: Were you looking at child porn, Stu?
Stu: No.
Ray: Big problem if you were.
Stu: I wasn't.
Ray: Feds could give you twenty years for that.
Stu: It wasn't kiddie porn. What do you think I am Ray? It was just a t***** thing. It was a t***** beating off.
Ray: Was she underage?
Stu: Fuck no. When's the last time you saw a kid with tits and a dick?
Ray: What?
Stu: When's the last time you saw a kid with tits and a dick?
Ray: I'm not sure how to answer that, Stu.

Mickey: It's a poem. I read it in the prison library. Easy cummings - no capitals, no periods, any of that shit.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
Link to comment

Sonia: You're looking well.
Abby: What the hell does that mean?
Sonia: I know that you're undergoing treatment.
Abby: Is that so?
Sonia: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be indelicate.
Abby: Talking about my cancer isn't indelicate. Coming here after you fucked my husband - that's indelicate.
[awkward silence]

Abby: Are you in love with [Ray]?
Sonia: No. And even if I was, I have end stage cancer.
Abby: So you fucked my husband because you're dying?
Sonia: You're very blunt.

Mickey: You're a good boy.
Bunchy: Fuck you, Mick.

Bill: The combination is 21-36-go fuck yourself.

Bill: The combination is 1-2-fuck you!

Avi: Let's kill her now then kill him and the laywer.
Ray: She has a kid.
Avi: What about your kids, Ray?

Link to comment

Avi's mom: Avi still hasn't called me.
Ray: He's been having trouble with that satellite phone.
Avi's mom: But he always checks in with me.
Ray: It's my fault. I sent him down to Nicaragua to look after a client.
Avi's mom: He won't like it there. Stray dogs and communists, no kosher food.
Ray: He'll be home soon.
Avi's mom: Tell him I am taping So You Think You Can Dance finale.

Fat Ernie: Cheery as fucking ever.

Mickey: I need to place a $2 million bet on Archie Whittaker to beat Hector Campos in the sixth round.
Jack: So you know something about this fight that I don't?
Mickey: Just that I hate Puerto Ricans and six is my lucky number.

Mickey: All you've got are your remaining days on this earth. That and family.
Ray: You got a lot of balls talking to me about family, Mick.

Link to comment

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Unfortunately, your content contains terms that we do not allow. Please edit your content to remove the highlighted words below.
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...