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S01.E12: There's My Nigerians

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While Bob and Abishola struggle to pull Dottie out of her depression, Auntie Olu and Uncle Tunde come over to lift her spirits.

Airdate: 01/06/2020

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I liked the working relationship between Dottie and Abishola. Abishola is so good at her job, and  I could understand Dottie's state of mind. Losing these basic functions of your limbs and working so hard to get them back must really suck.

Are the aunt and uncle supposed to be retired? They are immigrants who have their own house and car, so they had to have good jobs at some point. But now they are always home and seem to have a lot of free time. I did like how Olu forced Dottie to eat, I've been there and you really can't say no.

Chukwuemeka and Kemi are just adorable together. It was so sweet when he rested his head on Kemi's breasts, and it must suck to still be so influenced by his mother even when he is well into his adulthood. I felt bad for him. 

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Well it was going well until Dottie brought up the pre-nup... Poor Bob and Abishola who will have to deal with the fallout. 

Those club women were horrible but it was nice seeing both actresses again. I'm blanking on their names, though. 

Am I the only one who doesn't find Chukwuemeka attractive? He does have nice abs, though, heh. 

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I liked that the show introduced the extended families, and I think it gives them more runway since they’ve already solved the initial problem of whether or not she would date him. Even the differences about the pre-nup show that everyone approves of the relationship. I’m not feeling any ❤️ for the son or the siblings, though, and I think they need storylines because the show is a pretty light 22 minutes.

ETA: Actresses were Wendie Malik and Marylu Henner. Always nice to see them!

Edited by Kiddvideo
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6 hours ago, Harvey said:

Are the aunt and uncle supposed to be retired? They are immigrants who have their own house and car, so they had to have good jobs at some point. But now they are always home and seem to have a lot of free time. I did like how Olu forced Dottie to eat, I've been there and you really can't say no.

Chukwuemeka and Kemi are just adorable together. It was so sweet when he rested his head on Kemi's breasts, and it must suck to still be so influenced by his mother even when he is well into his adulthood. I felt bad for him. 

Yes, I think Tunde and his wife whose name is escaping me are supposed to be retired.  I was wondering how long they've been in this country and whether they had money when they came here that they could retire on or whether they worked here before retirement.  I don't remember if we've been given enough of their back story to know that.

As to Chukwuemeka and Kemi (thanks for the spelling, BTW) I don't know if we're supposed to think they're adorable.  I sure don't.  I'm getting mildly creepy mother/son vibes from them, which is probably a function of how Chukwuemeka relates to Kemi, and which is probably not what she really wants but in order to be close to what she sees as a fine young stud, she'll take it - for now.  And I think we're supposed to see his psychological over-dependence on his mother as pathetic in an attractive grown man who obviously has everything going for him and a good career to boot.  At least that's how I'm reading it (and feeling it).

3 hours ago, Kiddvideo said:

ETA: Actresses were Wendie Malik and Marylu Henner. Always nice to see them!

I love Wendie Malick and have been following her for over 20 years now so I liked seeing her here, although not loving the character she plays so much.  Right now she's also on "American Housewife" as Katie's mother, another cringe worthy character, which she does seem to play so well!

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50 minutes ago, Yeah No said:

I love Wendie Malick and have been following her for over 20 years now so I liked seeing her here, although not loving the character she plays so much.  Right now she's also on "American Housewife" as Katie's mother, another cringe worthy character, which she does seem to play so well!

Yes, Wendy Malick does fine comedy. 
But the joke about Bob’s mother not being able to open the pill bottle to hasten end-of-life with dignity is not funny to the millions of family members with loved ones going through that with conditions far worse than Bob’s mother, but which she will likely eventually face too. 

Edited by shapeshifter
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1 minute ago, shapeshifter said:

Yes, Wendy Malick does fine comedy. 
But the joke about Bob’s mother not being able to open the pill bottle to hasten end-of-life with dignity is not funny to the millions of family members with loved ones going through that with conditions far worse than Bob’s mother, but which she will likely eventually face too. 

True, the joke was fucked up, but it was SUPPOSED to be fucked up. Malick's character is a villain, after all. 

I just liked that they actually cast late 60s actresses to play late 60s characters and not, like, 50 year olds. 

Lorre sitcoms have this tendency for episodes to just sort of end without any real resolutions. It's an odd affectation. I assume the theory is that life doesn't have neat closure like a sitcom?  Whatever the reason, it happens in pretty much all of his shows. 

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6 hours ago, Yeah No said:

As to Chukwuemeka and Kemi (thanks for the spelling, BTW) I don't know if we're supposed to think they're adorable.  I sure don't.  I'm getting mildly creepy mother/son vibes from them, which is probably a function of how Chukwuemeka relates to Kemi, and which is probably not what she really wants but in order to be close to what she sees as a fine young stud, she'll take it - for now.  And I think we're supposed to see his psychological over-dependence on his mother as pathetic in an attractive grown man who obviously has everything going for him and a good career to boot.  At least that's how I'm reading it (and feeling it).

I viewed it as more of a cultural thing. I know it is American to throw the kids out of the nest ASAP, but in many other cultures kids stay with the parents until marriage. I had friends in college who were Filipino and that was the expectation. We've seen from Abishola's aunt and uncle that in their culture family seems to be very up your business so I can see his mom being up in his business. 

I'm not sure how old Kemi and Chukwuemeka are supposed to be on the show. In real life they're both in their 40s, with the actress who plays Kemi being slightly older.  On the show I do get the mother/son vibe you're seeing because they dress her older so it seems almost like she's in her mid to late 40s and he's in his early 30s. 

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Dottie should have pointed out that a prenup benefits both parties if done correctly. It does not mean that Bob could just kick her to the curb. 

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I see a bit of irony in this episode.  It seems like Dottie will always be seen by some as the villain in this series, due to some insulting things said to Abishola a number of weeks ago that will have her forever branded a card-carrying irredeemable racist no matter what she says or does moving forward.  I acknowledge the woman is prejudiced and has said offensive things (and I presume believes what she says) but has been written a bit more complex than that in the succeeding episodes.

The irony here is that in suggesting the prenup, it is another example where she can be seen as demonstrating her suspicion and mistrust of the "non-white immigrant".  However. . .

Since the very first episode when the aunt and uncle were introduced, they have absolutely looked at Bob as a potential cash cow who will support all of them and improve their lot.  It's been a running joke since the pilot.  That is not Abishola's agenda, but it has been the primary motivation for her relatives.  I acknowledge that that characterization is also over-simplified, particularly for Uncle Tunde who has shown much more depth.  He clearly has warmed up to Bob, which at least in part is related to the fact that he sees that his niece prefers him and he probably has realized that Bob is someone who cares for and values his niece for the person she is and will go to great lengths to make her happy.  That doesn't eliminate the additional motivation that Bob is indeed a good catch economically for all concerned, just tempers it.

The aunt's motivation remains more questionable.  She clearly is expressing kindness to Dottie in bringing her homemade food and spending time with her to cheer her up, but regarding Abishola's prospects and what it means for the family, she seems to still be fairly non-partisan.  She doesn't care who marries Abishola as long as it is someone who is successful and will improve all their lots.  In fact she may still lean a bit toward Chukwuemeka, due to the cultural convenience of having Abishola marry another Nigerian.

Anyway, it's sort of like that old saying it's not paranoia if they're really out to get you.  Part of Dottie's insistence on the prenup may be her reverting to longstanding prejudices and reacting to stereotypes, but if the family really is after the money. . .

On the other hand this may be nothing more than a culture clash.  Prenups are common enough in the U.S. that there is nothing outrageous in Dottie's presumption that there will be one prepared.  To the aunt and uncle, it may be virtually unheard of in Nigerian unions and the height of obnoxiousness to suggest such a thing.  I don't know if this is true for their culture, but I do know that there are ethnic cultures where marrying an individual essentially means automatically becoming a member of their extended family with all the family obligations that includes.  The principal difference may be in the answer to the question of wouldn't Abishola be a family member if she married Bob.  The aunt and uncle may believe yes, regardless of any money involved, that is simply their perspective.  Dottie answers, "sort of", which is probably a fairly common perspective in the U.S., that is a relative by marriage is not equivalent to a blood relative.  And the fact that all her children are divorced fuels and supports that perspective.  I suspect that this issue will be solved when the topic trickles down to Bob and Abishola.  Since they are barely dating at this point, they will probably dismiss the idea as being quite premature.  If/when the two turn to talk of marriage, I'm not sure if Abishola would be willing to sign a prenup, but I do believe Bob will decide it is not necessary and not pursue it with her.

Lastly, lest anyone think I am willing to give the ignorant old white lady a pass on everything, I recognize that her decision to take the aunt and uncle to the private (nearly) all white club was hardly a neutral decision and full of ulterior motive.  It is pretty obvious she wanted to zing her snobbish white lady "friends" who bragged about having a new black member, and show up with her own Nigerians in tow to demonstrate just how woke she is all of a sudden and create a little bit of shock value for her friends and the other members.  Quite frankly, that is what should have offended them, not talk of a prenup.

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2 hours ago, sd dude said:

On the other hand this may be nothing more than a culture clash.  Prenups are common enough in the U.S. that there is nothing outrageous in Dottie's presumption that there will be one prepared.  To the aunt and uncle, it may be virtually unheard of in Nigerian unions and the height of obnoxiousness to suggest such a thing. 

And, according to Dottie, the first wife did sign a pre-nup. Her argument is one I've heard on basically every TV show about people who have family businesses or significant family money - we have to protect the inheriting (biological) members of the family.  

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It would be funny if Kemi's storyline continued and Chukwuemeka's mother actually came to confront her about the necklace. Because really, she should be happy her son is seeing a good nigerian girl.

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3 hours ago, sd dude said:

I'm not sure if Abishola would be willing to sign a prenup, but I do believe Bob will decide it is not necessary and not pursue it with her.

Based on what we’ve seen thus far WRT the B&A relationship and Abishola’s no-nonsense personality, I can imagine a prenup negotiated that includes financial consideration for what Abishola brings to the relationship. 

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I am pro-pre-nup, and don't consider it an affront to whoever the prospective partner is, and I also don't see it as needing to be limited to finances. I see it as an extension of the vows. You spell out your obligations and commitments and make it more than a vague romantic assumption. The terms are negotiable, but I think every couple should have one.

I think, though, that if we are making an argument about cultural assumptions, there's no way Dottie thinks Bob expects her to decide for him, one way or the other, who he marries or whether or not he has a pre-nup. For her to bring it up at this stage in the relationship is a bit of a stretch. They could have all agreed they hope for an eventual marriage, but Dottie knows perfectly well that they can't force it. So I think she was being provocative by going so far as to raise the pre-nup issue.

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18 minutes ago, possibilities said:

So I think she was being provocative by going so far as to raise the pre-nup issue.

"Provocative" is Dottie in a nutshell.

Hmmm. Abishola can be a little provocative too. 

This marriage might just work.

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26 minutes ago, possibilities said:

 For her to bring it up at this stage in the relationship is a bit of a stretch.

She is trying to hurry things along because she wants grandchildren. This was demonstrated multiple times in the show by now.

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14 hours ago, joanne3482 said:

I viewed it as more of a cultural thing. I know it is American to throw the kids out of the nest ASAP, but in many other cultures kids stay with the parents until marriage. I had friends in college who were Filipino and that was the expectation. We've seen from Abishola's aunt and uncle that in their culture family seems to be very up your business so I can see his mom being up in his business. 

I am well aware of that as I've known people from other cultures that have lived with parents into adulthood, but I wasn't referring to Chukwuemeka living with his mother.  I was referring to his psychological dependence on his mother, which the show has written in quite a pronounced way given the way he is so afraid of what his mother will think of every little thing he does.  Living with parents into adulthood does not necessarily equal such a pronounced psychological dependence, especially in people from other cultures.  And I don't think Abishola finds his dependence in the least bit attractive, and probably not Kemi either.  Kemi's just putting up with it for now because she thought he was hot.

14 hours ago, joanne3482 said:

I'm not sure how old Kemi and Chukwuemeka are supposed to be on the show. In real life they're both in their 40s, with the actress who plays Kemi being slightly older.  On the show I do get the mother/son vibe you're seeing because they dress her older so it seems almost like she's in her mid to late 40s and he's in his early 30s. 

I'm reading Kemi as at least being in her 50s judging from the way she dresses and acts.  When being herself the actress looks much younger than her character.  I agree that he seems to be in his early 30s.

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10 hours ago, sd dude said:

On the other hand this may be nothing more than a culture clash.  Prenups are common enough in the U.S. that there is nothing outrageous in Dottie's presumption that there will be one prepared.  To the aunt and uncle, it may be virtually unheard of in Nigerian unions and the height of obnoxiousness to suggest such a thing.  I don't know if this is true for their culture, but I do know that there are ethnic cultures where marrying an individual essentially means automatically becoming a member of their extended family with all the family obligations that includes. 

I'm reading their reaction as a culture clash.  It's obvious that since Bob has had a prenup in his previous marriage that it would be nothing personal if he wanted one.  The way Abishola's aunt and uncle reacted, I'm sure it must be considered insulting in their culture. 

I'm not against him wanting a prenup either given the family business.  I had a great uncle that died in his 40s before he had a chance to draw up a will.  He had taken over the family business from my retiring great grandparents and at that point owned it outright.  Never thinking he would die so young, he hadn't had any protection written into a will nor did he have a prenup (not sure if they called it that in the 1940s), so the entire family tailoring business went to his wife, who didn't care that it had been my family's business for over 40 years at that point and that virtually everyone in the family worked in the business.  She fired everyone and ran it herself.  It created a lot of bad blood, understandably.

Edited by Yeah No
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I liked the subplot of Dottie and Tunde and Olu.  I don't care about Kemi and Chukwuemeka at all.

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Its always one step forward two steps back with Dottie, and things were going so well too! Although I cant really say that she was totally wrong to want Bob and Abishola to have a prenup, its not a particularly romantic thing to throw out while planning a wedding, but its quite practical, can be beneficial to all parties involved if the marriage ends in a divorce, and I dont think most people think of it as ending the marriage before it even starts. Abishola is such a practical woman, I can imagine that she would approve. 

 The club ladies were right the right kind of funny cringy. "She is so great! So great!" 

Tunde and Olu are still my favorite supporting character, all of their scenes are gold. "Until the bitter end..."

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and it is a good thing that Tunde and Olu became aware sooner rather than later that even if Abishola marries Bob, their lifestyle will not likely change. 

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