Toaster Strudel

what what what?

Danielle only met Mohamed for a week or so, traveling to Doha.

Preview! http://www.thewrap.com/90-day-fianc%25c3%25a9-bretts-bestie-sizes-up-daya-exclusive-video/

That Hugo Boss stuff is nonsense, I don't believe everything I read, especially since the next post from that person contains the following crack-inspired word salad: From that tumblr site: He may have a green card, but he doesn't want to sign a lease for Danielle and her 3 children. Mmmm....

LOL he is nowhere near good-looking enough for that, not to mention that his very public relationship with Granny Big Panties and his dishonest scheme for a green card isn't the image Hugo Boss wants to be associated with.

That is a very good point indeed.

Spoilers! http://tvruckus.com/2014/11/28/90-day-fiance-preview-danielles-shame-evelins-sadness-video/

I think a big part of Danielle was too lazy to invest herself in a real relationship, where you have to be honest, connect, impress in some way by being successful, funny, or kind. She chose instead to go to a site where men would immediately pretend to fall over themselves for her attention, knowing that they were doing it for a green card. She new the hope for a green card was her ace because she has nothing else. I don't feel sorry for her at all. This was her plan. This was what she was looking for. This is what she found. Someone beholden to her for the green card. She's over the moon. It has worked out for her as she intended.

The whole family is letting Jennifer be their representative, ambassador and mouthpiece. The mother didn't chastise Jennifer, she chastised Justin. Justin is clearly uncomfortable with all of them. They are a rotten bunch. I really do wish Evelin would put a sock in it with her "family is important" and her savior complex.

Paraphrasing: "nener nener nener he's still with me but barely, and I'm supporting him so there."

LOL JJ was pre-empted for the dog show here too, so I closed my eyes and invented the perfect episodes! Gobble gobble.

Pitbull Gets A Taste Of Its Own Medicine: That's a change of routine! Gold-lamé disco era plaintiff sues for vet bills incurred after her pitbull was attacked by the defendant's 3 macaws. The little girl that testified how the macaws came down at once to bite chunks off the pitbull's back only after the savage beast started to rough house her and scare her was a darling, but her mother was a certifiable screwball, were those curled up braids doubling as parrot perches? Stop winking at Byrd, you loony tramp! DJ Car Scratch: If you're going to hire some dicey dude from craigslist advertising his services as "DJ Car Scratch" of course you're going to get punked and all your guests' cars are going to be key'd. Duh. It's in the contract. The plaintiff newlyweds were both heavily cross-eyed, they're going to bicker for years about each other's propensity to leer at attractive passers-by. DJ Car Scratch showed off this great moves in the hallterview with his witness singing the drum machine with a pretend mike. What is this, Ellen? Things People Do To Themselves: JJ awarded the plaintiff the 5K, but she did rip her a new one. I mean, what kind of party is that when a bunch of young ladies meet up at some dodgy motel to have actual lard injected in their butts? Then they're shocked, SHOCKED! that their butts are all lumpy. I paused on the blurred photographs... was he injecting bricks? And this was before Kim Kardashian's Paper spread. Dr Grease Needle had disappeared in the New Jersey wilderness of course, so she was suing the "party" organizer? Case dismissed. Rocky the Turkey: Whaaaa... people bet on turkey fights? Turkeys fight? People file small claims because they dispute which turkey was the winner? I think this is the first time we see a litigant wearing a beaten down straw hat and jeans overalls to court... good grief... those teeth! Erm... I'll let JJ tell you bunch of cousin-marrying, moonshine-brewing yokels that it's illegal. Go back to holding up interstate traffic with your horse-drawn wagon.

He's a real bailiff, not a Hollywood wannabe!

LOL I hate Frisbee stories with the heat of 10,000 volcanoes.

But then it wouldn't be funny anymore...

Repo Friends: The plaintiff repossessed a nearly paid for car and was suing for pretty much the value of the car for damages? How dense can you be? The biggest surprise was in the hallterview, that the plaintiff and defendant weren't some strangers that didn't know each other from a can of paint, but were actually friends. The Money Not The Stuff Please: The defendant looked very reasonable and willing to give the plaintiff everything he wanted. The plaintiff, however, seemed to want the money, not the stuff... I think he was thrown for a loop when JJ ruled that he could get the stuff back. In the hallterview, he tried to paint the defendant as cray-cray, highlighting that he was the biggest lunatic in the relationship. Candy Stealing Grandma: She looked 20 years younger than her chronological age and had her act together. The plaintiff that wanted his suitcase full of junk back and overslept and missed his plane was out of luck. "One man's treasure is another man's junk," said JJ, perhaps referring to the suitcase or family jewels, whichever interpretation strikes your fancy. In the hallterview we find that the suitcase contained a $300 Michael Kors watch and "collectible sneakers," something I will never understand. Candy Stealing Grandma was right, this young man was privileged and entitled. His loss was Goodwill's gain. Michael Borselino: Michael Borselino, Michael Borselino, Michael Borselino, Michael Borselino! Michael Borselino: "Michael Borselino Michael Borselino," Michael Borselino... Michael Borselino.

The driveway was pretty narrow and it must have been hard to get out of the car, also when backing out of the driveway, it couldn't have been good for visibility of street traffic.

Oh god no - Jason Sudeikis worked hard... what a disaster. Not as bad as Jenjamin Franklin. But that was 12 minutes without a laugh.

Justin's mom is a stealth abuser.

WPTZ Burlington airs at noon.

If she's not drunk, I will lose faith in human kind.

Yesterday was the pepper spray festival, today, we have a parade of liars. Liars, Liars, Trees on Fire: I have trees close to the property line and every year during the pruning season, I ask my neighbors if he'd like me to chop anything that overhangs. One always takes me up on the offer, the other still has not. I would be mortified if they rang my bell to complain and I didn't immediately get the chain saw or the branch trimmer out to keep them happy. Sure the plaintiff was thrown out because she's a lying liar that lies, but I'm not sure that I believed the defendant's story about this particular bush burning from some freak firework accident. Predatory Pitbull Pair: So two pitbulls run out of a front door because they were feeling a little peckish for some Labrador and human flesh and proceed to butcher and devour some unfortunate passers-by. JJ asks vapid blond defendant how many dogs there were in 50 different ways and defendants insists there was one dog, while the mauled plaintiff insists there were two. The infuriating defendant claims that she is not responsible for the carnage because (1) the Labrador was off-leash, (2) the plaintiff just went nuts at the pitbull so it's his fault and (3) it was the Labrador attacking. JJ reads the defendant's own statement to the police where she stated that (1) the Labrador was on a leash and (2) there were indeed two pitbulls. JJ was so upset at the blatant lies that she ruled for the plaintiff without looking at bills or pictures. The entitled plaintiff protested that her witness had not been examined, enraging JJ to shout out that she does not question the witnesses of proven liars. I think she lied about the number of pitbulls to foil animal control because they might have asked that both the canine demons be put down. When the defendant mocked the plaintiff in the hallterview for losing his pants during the bloodbath, I grabbed some tomatoes to toss at my TV screen in fury, but then she said the stupidest thing ever: "Hopefully he'll stick to his embarrassment at his house" whhhuuuu??? I became clear that she had been lobotomized out of her verbal, grammar and responsibility lobes, and then all was good and fair in the world, and I made myself a tomato sandwich instead. The second show was pre-empted by Al Sharpton, who is now on my do-not-interrupt-my-JJ shitlist.

I know, right? Way to make all of us look like filthy, disgusting racist scum. And the self-righteousness of feeling superior to 75% of humanity with God's approval on account of his pasty complexion, because he identifies with religious fundies and instills virginity worship in his offspring.

Pepper Spraying Twins: Holy Family Dysfunction Batman! What a bunch of in-each-other's-business losers that settle their arguments with vicious beatings! One twin has an enforcer boyfriend that never leaves home without his pepper spray, the other twin... a taser??? Are you for real? You take "papa" to church with an assortment of police crowd control weapons in your cars? Taser Twin may have won the arms race, but she lost the IQ contest because she was too stupid to charge the batteries, and she paid for it by getting the worst end of... assault and battery... and having the pepper spray rubbed in her eyes. Serves her right for harassing the loser boyfriend with texts about what a loser he is. Who wonders what medication Pepper Spray Twin was on that made her mind go blank? Prescription vodka? I loved the outfits, Taser Twin looked like a psychedelic zebra, and Pepper Spray Twin like Barbie's plastic pink car. Loser boyfriend (feel free to text him that he's a loser, you all) looked like Charles Manson with a buzz cut. Un-Pepper-Spayed Kitten: I don't care if you're 9 years old, I don't care if you're as cute as a button, I don't care if you speak like an angel. When JJ tells you to shut up, put a sock in it, and get out of her court room! The plaintiff's voice was reaching octaves in the piccolo range. "Scapegoat" is not the same as "escape artist." Go get another kitten. Pepper Sprayed Ghetto Queen: Normally I wouldn't dare call someone "ghetto" but I'll take the word of the expert witness in the hallterview on this one. I don't think I've ever seen JJ so distracted by an outfit/Halloween costume as much as this one... with jeweled headgear from the 1001 nights... a cheap white synthetic silk top with bare shoulders and a beaded Egyptian collar... and kaleidoscope shorts that were painted on her Jeep bumpers. Still, none of that was as distracting as her incoherence. The plaintiff pepper sprayed the defendant (yes, I did get the order right!), but the lawsuit was not about that but the defendant leaving her child with her mother and coming back with a posse to rage at the plaintiff's car.

WOW Danny sucks at playing guitar, singing and musical choices...