Toaster Strudel

Dr Phil: Scammers leave the spelling errors to screen for gullible morons. Also Dr Phile: You're a very intelligent woman!

YES! I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees that Colt is going to turn out to be nasty.

You heard it here first: he will turn out to have a really mean streak.

If the code they showed on his screen his actual work... then he's merely coding web page formatting in CSS.

Who would you say is grabbing Grangela's gazangas in this photo?

Really? Uh, now things get interesting.

JJ had to ask twice and she repeated the same unintelligible thing. What could it be? Hyper-perspiration Lack of transportation Require fornication Prior trepanation Open fire termination ???

I must immortalize the words of Sherrilyn Thomas, who was either dope-sick or repeatedly hit by a swinging gavel on her frontal lobe, as perceived by my ears and confirmed by close captioning. "I think he's confused of the other pictures she's speaking of the pictures, is it the picture that Miss Brown herself personally discriminated me and posted of my body on Facebook" "Your honor, it was after several, several times and attempts of days and weeks of Miss Brown calling me fat and me being terrorized on behalf of it, so finally he just decided to let her know that I wasn't and letting me..." My favorite part is that these two nimrods acted like the rolly-polly plaintiff genuinely, and in good faith, believed that the slender defendant was fat. A photo of the clothed defendant would not do; a semi-nude, however, would be sure to change the plaintiff's mind and cause her to admit that she misjudged the defendant and apologize for the weeks of terror of being called 'fat' by an actual fat person. I sympathize with the plaintiff, when people are this ridiculously easy to get a rise from, how could one resist taunting them mercilessly? Or discriminationing them?

Jon really doesn't want people to know he's married.

So that train wreck of an apartment with no sheets was after strangers had to come help clean up? Does she really need more stuffed animals, PLURAL? He sure spends his mother's money liberally. Maybe paying for Lucy's daycare is another bone-headed financial decision. At least, the mystery as to why Jon isn't an accountant or financial planner is finally solved. Quite thoughtful of Ricky to give Ximena something of his to set fire to after he left. Why didn't the show give us more of this idiocy? I love it.

I'm choosing to believe this.

Breakup With A Bang, Literally - I wanted to throttle Darcey and her "came for love" mantra, a mantra that was repeated several times by her airhead twin during last week's live show, like you know, and I, like you know. Enough already, with the empty, phony phrases. #twinflames #came4love #emptywords #yeahknow #like #yeahknow Jesse smokes, gross. He needs to work on himself and #StopSmoking. These two nimrods were fighting about who was going to "control" the break up. That's a sign it's high time to pull the plug. Each had a different strategy, true to character. DramaDarcey went for a combination of contorted angry faces, hoarse shouting, flicking her acrylic nail tipped fingers around, flailing her hands with attitude, and spitting venomous comments like a good little viper. Amateur Psychotherapist Jesse went for a a haughty blend of condescension, confusion, pity, controlled calm and walking away feeling superior. I did think it was classy of him to pay for her hotel room (last minute in Manhattan couldn't be cheap), and get a second room for himself. DramaDarcey promised a great performance as a "strong woman" but ultimately was unconvincing. Generally, strong women aren't found laying on a filthy hotel room carpet in a fetal position, crying "I'm dying! I'm dying! I can't live without you!." This show is so educational. We learned that a virtuous and honorable breakup must be done in person and include one act of parting copulation out of pity. Jesse is a terrible liar. Producer: "did you dance the horizontal mambo last night?" Jesse: Where? What? (Looks around) Producer: (does the symbol for coitus with his fingers, PyroPole style) Jesse: (grows big wet anime eyes) oh oh NOOOoOooOoOoOooo no no no Darcey is an antagonistic, virulent harpy, but still I felt sad for her and wanted to give her a hug, if only to cause those trunk-like, stress-induced, throbbing vertical veins in her immense forehead to recede. She just wants to be with her daughters now, to dump all that adult, desperate and toxic baggage on them so that they can offer her comfort, support and wise words aka "being a good mom" to Darcey. "I don't think I will miss her" - coldly concluded Jesse, his weiner still coated with her vaginal flora. Now, that's a breakup with respect and love. Next season: Darcey is preggo from the goodbye sex! (just kidding, NOT A SPOILER). After all this, Darcey gets one coupon for a night of binge drinking and no one complaining about it. Cheers!

Unemployed Gnome with 50K Debt & Karaoke Rachel - He quit his job to get a week off? Or did his boss pounce on a golden opportunity to be rid of his pugilistic ass? Rachel is a more understanding woman than I am, I would have walked away if someone had laid this whopper on me after I accepted their proposal and made a transatlantic return trip with an infant. Never mind the gauche thing with the ex-girlfriend (hardly surprising from a guy who was into open relationships, his boundaries are probably on the soft side), this kind of financial surprise should be a deal-breaker. He knew how to re-assure Rachel by explaining he'd still pay for the baby's daycare, but she still looked vexed, and rightfully so. The trip to the jeweler's was one of those 90DF treats that keep me watching. The jeweler's genuine consternation with Jon's continued insistence that he doesn't want wear a ring what signals to other women that he's married was hilariously British. Yes, married men wear rings, yes, people usually buy a set of two, yes, all the men he knows wear theirs, yes, yes, yes. It was a great comedy skit. Jon's cousin is gorgeous and curse you, editing monkeys, for implying she was his ex-girlfriend. Karaoke Rachel looked stunning on her wedding day; the gnome groom looked genuinely happy. It's going to be a rough ride, but I hope they make it. Maybe it will turn out that her calm and her patience will be good for him. Wrinkly Georgia Ass & Sext Nigerian - "What hell we been through, and we still love each other," coughed Grangela, fighting off chunks of tar-stained sputum coming up her throat, in one of the least auspicious evaluations of a romantic first trip, ever. Now the pressing question occurs of how she'll pay for a K1 visa, his airfare, and support him while he can't work in the US on her $900 bank account and food stamps - and there's no answer, is there? What an excellent and convincing liar he is! He did steal the money, but he had me fooled for a while. He sounded so earnest and sincere. That takes practice. After he steals that $900 in $300 increments and leaves her with a single dollar, there is no chance that she'll be able to pay for any of this. When she complained about no longer having gas money, I heard "cigarette" money. That was an epic self-own on Sext Nigerian's part, who let his short term greed shortchange his long term goal. But perhaps he robbed her when they were on bad terms and his dream of living as a black immigrant in Trump country was vanishing? Marta/Daya Complete Waste of Time - Boy am I glad I didn't get invested in this "story" beyond wanting to throw a bucket of makeup remover at her so see what she really looks like. One of her fake eyelashes heard me because it looked like it was trying to crawl down her lid like a caterpillar, to get the process going.

Skeletangelina Jolie & Dirt "Derpface" Bourdain - Let's start with next week's preview; she was pregnant? Wait, wut? When and with who? Let that not be the editing monkeys toying with my delicate organ of anticipation. I don't understand 'roid Rage Dean's objection to Hazel, I would have guessed he was legit looking forward to threesomes & human centipedes. Maybe he's upset that she's not putting out? Or not hot for him? His sexcation has been ruined, ruined, I tell you! I'll give him props for calming down and giving the fairy tale story of the Pauper and the Buffalo Plaid Dummy his reluctant blessing. Did Derpface really need to point out their flagrant sexual chemistry, which they have "in droves?" I can smell their human rutting season pheromones through my TV screen You guys too, amirite? I am certain I wasn't alone feeling sorry for the malnourished waif who had to give up her child for lack of money when her eyes began to swell as she told the producers that she was going to be homeless after he leaves. She seemed very depressed, especially at the prospect that he may not return for her (which could happen!). Meanwhile she appears to have gotten attached despite his idiotic way of talking and clueless expressions, and her feelings were genuine. Manaus Plush Emoji Museum of Art & Unicorn Annex - The miscarriage is last week's news, it's OK to snark again. I have some capital questions. What's the deal with the two oversize dog kennels with junk in them? What's the deal with the mattress without sheets or protection? Five minutes in the Manaus heat and it's going to be a moldy hot mess of human sweat stains. What does it feel like to be comforted by a translator app robot voice? Olive Oyl's fear that PyroPole won't return is irrational. Why, just ask any of his ex-girlfriends. He always comes back (sometimes with Crazy Glue, spray paint, matches, etc.) even if there's a restraining order. You'll never be rid of the flammable blend of neurosis, jealousy, OCD and drive for revenge that you married over your mother's tears. Random question: are you ready for motherhood when you'll be fighting your baby for the same toys? Mother Pole ran out of money, so Kriny must accept that Pole has to return to the US for his mother to work, make and save more money to give Pole so that he can return to Brazil. Had he not spent so much money on Mickey Mouse dildos, pastel-hued unicorn plushies with iridescent horns, white tiger plushies, and giant stuffed poop emojis (I'm just cruel now, all of these items are necessities of life in a town that doesn't appear to have garbage pickup), he could have stayed a couple of days longer. Forty-eight hours of missed fighting and misunderstandings opportunity. Life is so unfair. Talking Glazed Ham Ricky - He is such an unctuous, slimy wad. Are we viewers supposed to waste tears and tissues getting emo over this satyr that is now married and engaged to two different women at once? Plan Bimena receives a message from his "ex-wife" and gets upset, imagine how upset she'll be when she finds out it's actually his wife and not his ex-wife. I think she said, "mentira here-o, mentira there-o, mentira all the time-o!" That's what I heard, anyway. She wasted a couple of weeks of her life banging a Shrek lookalike who always seems to have a "good reason" to ejaculate yet another lie, and prostate himself before women to "aw shucks" beg for forgiveness. Why doesn't he move to Utah and start off where Warren Jeffs left off? He was all emo saying goodbye to her at the airport, but he cheered up as soon as he laid eyes on the sexy customs agent, then the inviting ticket taker, attractive pilot, winking stewardess, hot uber driver, etc.

Help me figure out who the groom is in this picture.

The plot thickens. He's a hoarder, too! https://soapdirt.com/90-day-fiance-paul-staehles-ex-girlfriend-relationship-horror-exclusive-interview/

She seems nice.

And she only has 5000 followers!

JJ dropped the ball, she usually asks if the dog had his shots, and she didn't. We found out in the hallterview that the owner "didn't know" if he had his shots, meaning that the dog wasn't vaccinated.

The ring looked cheap and run-of-the-mill.

Now he can pay back Wife #1 with the child support he collects from #2!

Shreky is such a loser. He reminds me of a guy in middle school who sent me a torrid love letter for Valentine's Day. I thought he was a Pole type of weirdo, so I showed it to enough friends that it eventually came back that he had sent 4 such letters to 4 girls he calculated were in different social circles and wouldn't find out. Ximena disappoints thoroughly by accepting Melissa's cheap ring from a fanny pack wearing, already married Priap. So it's a "punch in the gut" for Karaoke Filter Face that her family can't attend her rushed marriage to a short-tempered, pugilistic Brit. Girl, get a grip. You don't even know if he'll ever get entry. Having said that, she's lucky he was nonplussed by her uninvited prying into his social media account. He would have been right to be upset, yet, she's acting all self-righteous. She's pretending the spying was accidental and she couldn't stop because it was like a "train wreck" but it actually sounded pretty casual and innocent, and she should mind her own business. This guy is willing to raise her child from another man, she should thank her lucky star and STFU with the petty ex-girlfriend drama... she has two baby daddies! Tardik is "more serious" with Hazel than with another other woman! Even the woman he had a child with? What a moron. "The people around me get crazy when they see me happy! They want to tear my stuff up!" He's the common denominator, thanks for letting us know there's something wrong with HIM. Not that we couldn't already tell by his googly eye dumbass facial expressions and fetish for buffalo plaid fabrics and fishnet shirts. So Hazel pressures him to propose, with the enthusiasm of a dead fish on a bed of ice at the market, only looking up to gauge his reaction and plot her next retort. There's a rich man in Japan waiting in the wings to take care of her for her entire life! "I don't react so well when I'm backed into a corner," announces Tardik, truthfully, since he proposes to her in the next scene. She pretends to be surprised, accepts reluctantly, wondering how she got there. "Do you love me for real?" asks Tardik, because that's a normal question to ask on the day you proposed. Now Hazel is effin' annoyed with his needy ass. "Yeahsssss," she slurs. He pulls out what looks like a flashlight, but turns out to be a device that plays him rapping. Hazel looked disgusted with it, but probably not as much as the collective of 90DF viewers. When asked if she liked the rap, she waited an eternity before calling the program subroutine for saying "Yes I Like It" like a robot. It's important to Tardik that he be thought of as a good rapper, you see. Transmission Oil Kriny wanted a bebe to save the relationship, now she worries that the bad relationship will be bad for the bebe. But bebe didn't make it because of some genetic problem, everyone weeps. Not that PyroPole could afford to support a family on the allowance he gets from his mom! It's hard to snark on that, too soon, so... next! "I can't afford to make no more mistakes" grunts Wrinklegela. I guess grammatical mistakes don't count. I had to turn on the subtitles because I don't understand half her words. I found out that Mahkull showed her a place when people hid during the war... and she shouted out: SEX! It's like her reptilian mind never leaves the proverbial gutter. "I'm not easy to live with" she tells him, before starting to recount her daily chores, as a preface to the dumbest proposal ever. She hands him the ring wrapped in a small flag (to symbolize the rags he'll have to use to wipe her ass in her imminent dotage), he gets on his knees, gives her a ring too, blah blah blah. These two gross me out, like half-chewed snails wrapped in slimy saliva. Thanks for sharing, I gave up on the live show after Stacey blurted out "you know" for the hundredth time.

Like, Stacey, you know...: "She was like, you know... I mean, like, you know? And I, but, you know, you know, and, like, I mean, like you know? Like. But, you know." What an utter and vexatious waste of time it is to listen to #TwinAirhead. If she wasn't blurting out a "like, you know," she was straight up lying about everything. Her account of the shoe throwing was completely different from Darcey's own version... and it surely didn't escape the viewers' notice that Stacey wasn't even there, so who is she to take a side, or even a gander as to which protagonist was telling the truth? She downplayed the fight they had where they called the police, no one was fooled. She lies the same way Drama Darcey did in the car with Jesse, when she completely denied anything had happened. The only good part of that mind crushing interview was Michele Collins who looked like she was sitting in a doll house, and Stacey looked like she walked off the set of Honey I Shrunk the Kids 4. On her way to the park, Darcey had already worked herself into a self-sabotaging lather of viper venom while simultaneously hoping Jesse would come to rekindle the romance. She stood around the bench in stilettos of vertiginous height, enough luggage for a trip around the world, and dressed like a bride, if weddings were officiated in night clubs. The Flying Dutchman of Integrity arrived to meet with Darcey to propose, just as she expected... with the plot twist of proposing a permanent breakup. Is there a ring for that? Because a proposal at a beautiful quiet park bench is the stuff memories are made of! I'd sure want a ring. Between Jesse weirdly inviting her to a hotel instead of crushing her right there on the park bench (if he intended to meet her at a hotel, it would have been more convenient to meet in the lobby, no?), and her flicking her talons like scorpion tails at him, we knew the exchange was going to be a short one. She wastes no time dialing up the drama to 11 by declaring: "I don't want any drama!!!!!" in a clearly antagonistic tone of voice. Woman, give the coffee peddler a chance to break up with integrity! He jumps at the opportunity to remind her that she's an alcoholic (she probably is) and needs therapy, and brings up a police report that was all over the internet... which she squarely denies, because both her and her twin lie like rugs. The lovers didn't make it up to the hotel. After a brief game of chicken as to who would be first to get out of the car, Darcey takes the jump, shouting: "GET OUTTA MAH LAHF!" And that's it. The #twinflames burnt bright, but the fire department came, put an end to the conflagration, and all we have left are cinders , smoke and water damage, and the job of writing insurance claims that will be denied due to negligence.

If Lyin'Ricky is the source... I believe NOTHING.