CloseThisAccount

So Jax's being okay with the homophobic pastor & Schwartz's knee-jerk, "don't be a social justice warrior" on one side & Ariana's politics supported by Sandoval on the other. I think the break between Jax & Sandoval is becoming clearer to me. Schwartz's place between them, though is becoming intriguing. I'd like to see Andy do a quarantine WWHL with the Toms. Well, I'd like that anyway. Anything but Lala and Rand.

Ed is a total "nice guy"! And an incel. I also noticed that instead of apologizing BGL kept saying something like, "let's just close this. Can we close this so we can move on?" That's not how disputes are resolved, BGL. Imagine if Usman said that to her about her video histrionics. She takes no responsibility. Maybe Usman & Rose can hook up once they're here & ditch the charmers who brought them to the US. In fact, TLC should start an adult orphanage for all of the poor, exploited people who've been forced by economic circumstances to take part in these gross arrangements. Larissa can be housemother. Anfisa can be the jobs counselor. At least then it won't be boring.

I'm pretty sure Ed is negging Rose, keeping the upper hand by constantly insinuating that she's unclean (how many men have you been with; take a warm bath; shave your legs), that her home, town, & country aren't good enough. Besides his money & offer of a green card it's his way of maintaining power. He's completely, head to foot disgusting & worthless. I hate that he's her best option. That being the case, I hope she gets here, gets citizenship & runs as fast & far as she can.

in the U-Hauls?!?!?!? (kidding)

Y'know what's riveting TV? Week 1: Carefully park U-Hauls back to back at Prairie Dog Plague Pass Week 2: Return to U-Hauls, still parked back-to-back, open 2 of them, poke uselessly at their overstuffed contents, talk about pillows, close U-hauls. What will next week bring? I can hardly wait! Will they open the other 2 U-Hauls? Move the U-Hauls? Swim with the U-Hauls in the cow-shit drainage bucolic pond? I have to stop; I'm getting myself over-excited.

And the best part is, Tom thought the comments were crushing, that he had the manly last word, when really they made him look like a 14-yr-old boy, sulking at not having his way. Another great Tom moment was his whipping off his glasses after Darcy sat down, fixing her with his devastating blue-eyed stare, which no woman can resist. Darcy, looking at his squinty eyes, completely unaffected, says, "So."

In the preview greasy Ed skeeves that after seeing the poverty in which Rose lives, "I'm afraid I might be her meal ticket." To which I say, You arrogant motherf****r. Why else did you go looking for a woman in -- oh look! -- a third world country? You knew the only way you had a shot with any woman who would remotely match the pinup shots on your masturbatory walls was to exploit your first-world luck. Yes, you are her meal ticket. And she's your sex, youth, and beauty ticket, so shut the f up, you greasy, disgusting, manipulative troll. Nothing bad enough can happen to him. I don't even hate Tom or BGL as much as I hate Ed & that's some real depth of hell hate there (y'know, TV-watcher hate. The kind that disappears once the show's over or once you're done reading these boards. Don't worry: I'm not gonna show up at anyone's house like that mysterious stranger threatening Yolanda -- who is definitely NOT Williams cos he's never talked to her that way!)

Agreed that Taylor is annoying & unable to put herself aside & see into other people's feelings, but her story of the night in the hotel room was quite different from Brandon's & in her place I probably would have done exactly as she did. She says she wanted both of them to go home & have an evening together. Brandon replies, No, I'm going to work. So she drives him to work in DC & says, OK, then I'll hang out with my friend who's visiting DC. Then she finds out Brandon didn't stay at work but almost immediately went home, where she wanted to be with him from the start anyway, so his whole, "I have to work" thing just looks like a way to avoid her. They've never had sex. He's basically her unpleasant, dishonest roommate. She doesn't owe him shit. If she wants to stay out all weekend with twenty people of assorted genders, I say more power to her & she should do the same next weekend, too. She's acting single bc she is single. Brandon always tells the story to make her look bad on camera & leaves out all his aggravating behavior. She makes ridiculous choices. But he's a bastard & deserves to be alone for the rest of his life just to protect the rest of us.

But don't sing it like a Christmas song cos Katie is not here for that!

Some experts, unlike our president, are saying we might have to quarantine until summer, which, coincidentally is when VPR starts filming. I want hours of self-filmed captivity footage of Jax & Katie, both of whom must be delightful right about now. Bonus: I'm sure Jax has billions of great ideas to cure Covid-19. Please, please make this happen, production gods! Don't wait until summer -- order them to start filming themselves now. I NEED THIS!

"You make points & they're powerful points." "copypastas." Ubiquitous, that's freaking hilarious! I believe the official name of the blog that keeps successful entrepreneur Katie Maloney so busy is Pucker & Pray this Show Never Ends Bc I'm Absolutely Unemployable -- & Sexy & Unique

So La La was really committed to that Gloria Swanson as Norma Desmond look in the coffee shop, huh? And in walks Raquel as Baby Jane. When Schwartz walked into Tom Tom & sweaty Max hugged him & said, "You smell like alcohol." It's coming out of his pores now. Jesus, life with Katie, the busy project manager, must be hell. Bravo ran the last episodes of Season 2 yesterday & Schwartz has changed so much. His skin tone, the light in his eyes, it's all gone now. PowerPoint presentation. Jax is so stupid, so gleefully, proudly stupid.

Baby Girl Lisa makes me want to fall swooning into Angela's delicate, nurturing, cigarette-scented, goofball-free embrace

I'm hoping for #2

Ed's main issues are first-world entitlement, racism, and toxic masculinity

For her myriad faults, at least Darcy isn't using the lucky coincidence of her birth country to stomp all over impoverished people from other countries (see Baby Girl Lisa, Ed the Human Pig (except pigs are smart & sweet), Serial Killer Geoff).

No shame in watching classic reality TV! How else would any of us know the difference between chicken and tuna?

Or the connection could be that both Britt & Larry zeroed in on reality stars & made their fortunes, such as they are, thru them. Maybe Larry was selling courses back in the day & Britt took one. Step 1: hang out in Vegas Step 1a: Avoid Miami (see Miami, bootleg chick from)

The best part of this episode was the "Later this season" preview. This wedding has been endless. I'm sick of Jax and Brittney being too precious for questions or reality checks. Good to see they're back to familiar patterns soon. And can Katie just admit now that she didn't want to be married as much as she wanted to be a bride? Does anyone know the laws in CA? Are they common law yet or could they walk away without divorcing? They'd still have to legally divide their stuff but it's easier w/o the marriage, so well played Schwartz. Sandoval remains a national treasure. Lance Bass dancing while waiting for Brittney to walk down the aisle was everything. He was so not officiating at a wedding, so absolutely playing a part on a kitschy reality show & loving every minute. And then they used him as their reception emcee. Nice twofer. Charly: My dream is to get really drunk in Vegas & drive up to a drive-thru wedding chapel & get married. Other Surster: Big dreams

I hope Rose marries Ed & brings her entire extended family here to live on Ed's greasy dime. Any man of his age with the decor he has in his apartment is an immature, objectifying pig, the sort of guy who would, I don't know, try to buy an impoverished woman from abroad & immediately act like he owns her retroactively ("so boys and girls in one room?" Shut up, Mayo Ed). Not enough awful things can happen to him as far as I'm concerned. Rose is too good for him.

This was my fave episode in so long. I love Kody's martyred self-righteousness, "they're putting it all on my shoulders." Dude, I thought you were the wise, all-knowing, we go one we go all, head of the family? Doesn't patriarchy demand it all be on your manly shoulders? The shade when the guy behind the camera said, "If I were a polygamist I think I'd like it if my wives got along." It's clear that unless all the love and adulation is directed his way polygamy is failing. And what's better than repeated talking heads with his frowning pout saying, not I'm having a tantrum bc I didn't get my way, but instead, ever the sophisticate, "I've become jaded." Like he knows what that even means.

Oh, editors of Sister Wives! I'm down on one knee, hands full of street tacos for this: Kody pouts/says something about paying 5 mortgages and a bajillion rents & they're spending too much money in general. Cut to the water feature in Meri's house. Then back to the real estate convo. It was completely gratuitous and had no point other than to say 1) yeah, you sure are spending money on a lot of stupid stuff; and 2) remind us all, as Meri thought she did snarkily (but all she did was acknowledge how we all see her selfishness so the idiot was just reminding us of her myriad flaws), that Meri is known for NEEDING houses with expensive wet/water details. They HATE Meri. In the very episode in which she thought she was gaining the whole H2O upper hand, they pushed her right back under. I love you editors! I'll even agree to live in one big house with you.

I thought what Jasmine said to her sister was interesting, that Blake never wants to explore her interests, it's always drinking and his friends when she doesn't drink at all & wants time with him. I'm starting to see her side, esp,considering the screen said they've got 28 days left and she's still living with his parents when he never told her she'd be staying with them at all. It's been 2months! I also wondered how soon the interview with Natalie and Mike was after the ridiculousness in the coffee shop when he accused her of having applied for other K1 visas. Cos "classified" must mean she's a whore and a liar or something. Did they ever resolve that? I can see saying I don't know if I love this dickhead after he said those things in that tone of voice with that look on his face to me. And I would definitely be expecting him to apologize. And I would be placating him like a baby in the cab for the sake of the relationship. Because 1) he is a big baby; 2) you want a nice goodbye to salvage something. I hate Mike.

Like when Janelle said, "This will be Gabe's first time seeing Coyote Pass. I hope he likes it." And Christine says, really selling it, "I hope he does, too." I think she even patted Janelle knee, like, I'm pulling for you, girl.

Lightning bolt! (I haven't read the live chat, so apologies to anyone who got there first). There was no intolerant neighbor. There was no lease-breaking landlord. But there was an overstretched gang of dopes who could really use one less costly rent to pay, even if it meant taking the hit for breaking the lease. Surprising to anybody who got the short straw?