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Everything posted by SnarkEnthusiast

  1. Exactly!!! I feel like that’s Screenwriting 101 for romance. Especially in the context of the world of the show. The buildup of CB and Lainey’s “romance” is so sloppy and arbitrary. If you’re attracted to a coworker that you have to see and interact with every day, you don’t randomly notice that you might have feelings for them for two or three days out of the month and then forget about it and keep interacting with them like any other coworker. There is zero continuity in either of their revelations. CB is supposedly over Lainey for now, but what about Lainey feeling like she had to make a choice between Barry and CB and then the heavy implication that she was leaning towards CB? What happened to that? I thought we were headed to Lainey pining, but nothing. There’s no progress with them, the writers just bring it up when they need a plot for the week. Every day is Groundhog Day with these two - one episode they are struggling with feelings, and the next episode they are barely acquaintances. There’s no excitement or buildup of tension. This season has to be almost over right? Most sitcoms have a formula where they have the primary couple hook up or have some sort of romantic milestone at the end of season two, but assuming they only have two episodes left (or less if COVID shut down production), I have no idea how that’s happening. It almost makes you wonder if the episodes are filmed in random order or if no one knows what order they will air in, which feels unlikely.
  2. The will they/won't they with Will/Angie is pleasantly less cringe than I was expecting - they're smart to play the soft emotional angle instead of sexual tension, because the actors have none. Their energy is still strongly platonic imo. Poppy/Douglas is very contrived and I don't know why shows can't let their two main couples be together simultaneously.
  3. I already like Paloma more than Lainey, which is unfortunate because she's obviously temporary and (maybe?) a catalyst for Lainey's jealousy. The writers seem to do about one CB/Lainey romance episode followed by six or seven where they barely interact, so it's hard to be invested in them as a couple. We're basically going to get inverse episodes where Lainey wants to make a move, but is stopped by Paloma. Yawn. Boo to the show for trying to drag Wilma down to Lainey's level. Wilma's a gem, Lainey's a petty narcissist. Let Wilma enjoy her moment! So every Goldbergs plot really is "X feels remorse for acting like an asshole to get something they wanted," huh?
  4. LOL this made me laugh irl. Ryan's actually 28 and Natasha is 33, which imo ironically makes them a more age appropriate couple than him with 21-year-old Jaime, but he and Jaime look more natural as a couple because of his extreme baby face. As a fellow 28-year-old who looks 20, I get it. I think it's also that Natasha's maturity and heavy makeup give her a strong cougar vibe when pursuing fresh-faced Ryan. Brutal to see all or almost all of the women of color axed in one RC. Between Brandon and Julia, there was so much mediocrity on display tonight. Not sure why half the cast is throwing themselves at empty Brandon, who seems to be the personality equivalent of eggshell paint. He's not even hot. By comparison, I was shocked that no one seemed to give smokeshow Mariana the time of day. I wish Sheridan valued himself enough to realize emotional availability matters much more than the masochism of constantly trying to prove yourself to someone who sees you as a distant second choice. They may have had the best duet of the night, but it pained me to watch Sheridan ditch lovely Cheyenne to waste more time on Julia, who couldn't even stop thinking about Brandon long enough to get through the group toast. Rudi is unhinged. She kisses like a succubus who hasn't fed for a week. That kiss with Ryan looked like she was trying to eat his face. Good luck to Matt. She seems like the type of person who picks fights on a daily basis.
  5. While Zoey's dad's decline is very painful and unpleasant to watch as a viewer, I wasn't really a fan of devoting an episode to her screaming and crying at characters who didn't deserve it (her poor mom, the dude who just ended his relationship for her, the caregiver maintaining her dad's quality of life). Yeah yeah, grief makes you lash out, blah blah but this episode did nothing to improve my overall impression of Zoey as kind of a shitty, self-absorbed person. I'm no love expert, but I'm pretty sure that going from manic foreplay to a screaming match so loud your neighbors have to come break it up is a sign that this supposed relationship wouldn't be healthy, context aside. The post-fight aggression dance party was beyond ridiculous and I can't believe Mo, Zoey, and Simon all took it so seriously. It felt like Mo was a preschool teacher trying to smooth over things between two belligerent 4-year-olds. But I do love I Don't Care. Felt bad for Leif, but I liked the slight twist of him actually having feelings for Joan instead of the tired "younger man manipulates lonely older woman for power" plot, even if that's how he himself planned it to go! Although it's a little sloppy that we haven't seen their relationship at all. Leif's actor did a great job of portraying that subtle devastation when Joan non-nonchalantly broke it off. Max is a whiny, smarmy, manipulative asshole. Water is wet.
  6. I doubt it's incest because that would be too obvious and even clunkier than the Gabe/Sam reveal. But if it is and I were Hannah's actress, I'd be less than thrilled that I show I hadn't been on in years (?) invited me back solely to do a plot about my character fucking her brother, lol. Also, this show isn't a source of healthy relationship boundaries, but why does every character want to have sex with everyone they care about? I normally eye roll that "platonic love is important too!" but for once, a cast could benefit from being less horny. Conrad Ricamora is delightful, but man, he can't act his way out of a paper bag. This final stretch is really proof that Oliver should've stayed a side character. His characterization has also just sucked lately. He's self-absorbed, whiny, needy, and just plain distracting. I guess the writers felt the need to drag him down morally to join the K5, but instead of making him brooding or complicated they just made him insufferable. Stop trying to make Nate happen!!!! Seems like a double standard re: Robert and Teagan both wanting to fuck Annaliese, but I'm fine with it if we avoid a triangle. So is he just...gone now? They're running out of eps to do a triangle if that's what's happening. I think Teagan is going to get her heart broken either way, sadly. You just know a Coliver/Michaela threesome is coming.
  7. I cannot believe how many people here are still blaming Mindy looking sloppy for Zach's lack of boner or implying that she walks around in a cloud of visceral body odor like Pigsty because we saw her skip ONE shower (and like you said, maybe she just doesn't shower at night). Remember when Mindy was a nice, normal person? Remember how she just lost a sister to drugs? Remember her recent miscarriage? Remember her family abandonment? Isn't it funny how none of that mattered because some douche didn't want to fuck her and then everyone spent the whole season speculating about her stench and throwing out wildly unfounded theories that she had an eating disorder (and worse, that she's bulimic and Zach must "be turned off by barf breath" which...yeesh)? We never really got to know Mindy as a person because she spent all her time decoding Zach's word salad and trying to respond to his endless vacuum of narcissism. And then to add insult to injury, people love shitting on Zach but still subtly imply it's Mindy's fault for not dressing sexily or wearing makeup 24/7 or having smaller teeth. I don't know what people want from her.
  8. Same. What a sweet moment for Angie, although it was hard to believe she was a grunge/rocker chick in her early 20s and became an average suburban mom within 9 years, lol. I'm with Angie - I think I'm into Miggy. What a delightful character. The actor has a joie de vivre in his performance that somehow makes his slacker tendencies (like forcing your ex to give birth in a gas station bathroom) endearing when they should be infuriating. Welp, they're ramping up Will/Angie, so it guess it's time for Poppy/Douglas to go on a break because according to sitcoms, the alpha and beta couple can't be happy at the same time? We called this baby fight months ago. I've seen the teasers for the literal Will They/Won't they and I'm......not exciting for the cringefest of TK and LM forcing romance between Will and Angie. They just don't have that kind of chemistry and that's not a bad thing. Women don't always have to fuck their best friend because he's a dude. I wish the show would leave them alone.
  9. Unfortunately, Derek's upbringing and youth lead him to continue to believe constant struggling and tension and fighting is love. Plus I think he was embarrassed by the prospect of divorce and is so eager to please Katie that he'll continue to degrade himself into whatever warped Fifty Shades dysfunction Katie masturbates to because she's pathetic and vanilla and damaged as hell. I hope Derek saying "she had an affair" was current and not more magic editing because he needs a swift kick in the ass to get away from her before she breaks him. He's probably referencing one of his past relationships, sadly. I vote Taylor/Zach for secret couple. Fame whores love each other. But my heart wants Taylor/Derek to royally piss off Katie for eternity.
  10. Sheridan definitely has extreme bisexual energy with the way he was describing how hot Mr. Clean was. He's my favorite right now. Totally agree with this. Ryan (? Melted Sean Mendez) seems like a nice guy and decent boyfriend material. Trevor is an aging fuckboy, but has better game as a result, so Jaime is hornier for him. The triangle reminds me of Dylan/Hannah/Blake where Dylan just had to let Hannah drool over Blake for a while before she was turned off by his relationship drama (which, if messy blonde ex is an indication, will happen with Trevor next week). Jaime will probably pick him eventually, but she seems to have Shiny Object Syndrome and is historically only into emotionally unavailable men, so we'll see. She was picked to be an absolute disaster on this show because of the constant influx of new temptation. It's like Corinne and Ashley I. had a musically inept baby.
  11. I'm shocked that Stephanie and Ericka are supposedly still together according to Instagram. They've been miserable, fighting, and crying in every single scene.
  12. I see the writers are scrambling to make Gabe and Nate seem relevant in the 11th hour. This show loves to explore bizarre sexual pairings, so I'm half-anticipating a Connor/Michaela/Oliver threesome. An acquaintance recently told me she had a fling with Matt McGorry a few years ago (but post-HTGAWM) and now that's all I can think about when Asher has a scene. So...Annaliese and Teagan are gonna bang, right?
  13. All I care about in this middling back six is Teagan getting a love interest. Everyone else needs to sit down. Gabriel and Nate need to have a fight to the death that kills them both as payback for wasting so much screen time. I get that they're respective eye candy for all age brackets of their demographic, and I'm sure Billy is lovely, but Nate in particular doing jack shit and coasting for six seasons is (no pun intended) criminal. Bonnie and Frank's continued "romance" is so painful - I cringe whenever they touch. Did the actors break up? I wish they hadn't even bothered if they were going to half ass it this much - they were one of my favorite couples. Speaking of which, Connor/Michaela is everything and the core relationship of the show now. They've kind of overmilked Coliver and sadly apparently Conrad Ricamora doesn't have the acting chops to carry high-stakes drama (although at least he emotes, unlike Rome and Billy). The total evaporation of Analiese's new identity plot after so much buildup was a huge letdown. I hope they explain her reaction to the driver, which made no sense, beyond some hackneyed "she had to go back to save the kids" plot device.
  14. Tobin said that he originally learned ASL in high school to try and sleep with a deaf girl, but wound up loving the language instead. Much like the character himself, sleazy origins but hidden depths! When most shows do a triangle, they allow the lead to gravitate towards one or the other for a few episodes or even a season at a time. This whole ping-ponging back-and-forth between Max and Simon from episode to episode is getting exhausting. In one scene she’s mad at Simon, the next scene Max is mad at her...enough! Unpopular opinion, but Zoey really lost me in her self righteous speech about not wanting to be the other woman. Uh, honey, are you forgetting when you didn’t try to avoid or break the kiss at any point in time when Simon literally had to turn your head 90° to even initiate it? Seems like you were happy to let the opportunity to do the right thing fly by when you were getting what you wanted. Now you’re just pissed he didn’t run home and break off his engagement so all the sudden you’re trying to do damage control and claim the moral high ground. Hard pass. I can’t remember a love triangle where I individually disliked both options so much. Max is also an entitled, adolescent douchebag. He’s using their friendship as leverage to bully Zoey into fucking him. He and Simon can both go kick rocks, they both suck so hard and frankly Zoey isn’t that great either in all of this. At this point, Tobin deserves a relationship more than any of them, which is saying something.
  15. Customer Safari was a nice return to classic Superstore. The Amy/Jonah plot was bittersweet. We're finally reminded Amy likes Jonah and sees a future with him, just in time for her to leave? I guess they're staying together, but man, they really botched their entire relationship arc. Nothing has been enjoyable or heartfelt with them since the pregnancy sex (a sentence I'd never thought I'd type). Talk about wasted potential. Sooo after tonight's adorable vet subplot we're still supposed to root for Dina to dump him in the next few episodes for mopey Garrett because...they fucked first? I hate when TV shows do this. Characters can move on! Remember when Dina spent the whole first season horny for Jonah? Garrett and Dina have nothing in common. Their chemistry isn't even that good, although Amy and Jonah are proof that the writers have never considered that a factor. Hope for their relationship died with Dina's birds.
  16. This episode was basically Jessica chaperoning a drunken senior week. What a mess. FUCK KATIE and the condescending horse she rode in on. I requested to follow Derek on social media so I can swoop in if they separate (although his handle is drockingsherm and his bio says something like "welcome to the life of Derek Sherman" like a 15-year-old boy's MySpace page in 2008, so.....there's that). Meka/Taylor and Brandon/Michael would've been better pairings at this point. I'm pissed that Mindy wasn't invited but Taylor and Meka got to dick around by themselves the whole weekend. Taylor is a dead-eyed, attention-obsessed Instagram queen who only cares about image, but Brandon is genuinely going to hurt someone and is one drunken outburst away from domestic violence. What a dickwad he was physically threatening that producer. As a therapist, Katie should recognize that she's likely drawn to and turned on by violence and verbal abuse because that's what she saw with her parents and now conflates that with "passion" and intensity.
  17. Fair enough, thanks for telling me! As a disabled woman, it still makes me cringe to see able actors cast in disabled roles, especially for musical numbers (thin excuse) or as tragedy porn.
  18. I missed a few episodes, but have been forcibly sucked in because my dad obsessively replays the musical numbers. From the songs, it seems like she has feelings for Max but won't act on them because she's consumed by lust for Simon in a forbidden fruit kind of way. I don't blame her for waffling on Max with his whiny, gaslighting Jekyll/Hyde Nice Guy outbursts. Is he a charming romantic lead (Skyler Astin certainly has all the soft moments that make me said the writers gave him a petulant streak), or a bitter douche? It's weird that the writers think that kind of entitlement is still endearing in 2020. From Max's perspective, though, it should be way more of a turn off that Zoey, while stringing him along, is actively trying to undermine a coworker's engagement. He only called her out about that to whine how he should be the obvious first choice, when in reality, it makes her kind of a shitty person. I HATE the dying parent trope. It just feels like such a cheap way to score audience pathos. I'm weirdly warming to Tobin, but I could not care less about Joan/Leif or their fling, which they themselves seem bored to tears by.
  19. BOO to implied continued Hoffman pining. I had hoped having him fuck his partner would clear the way for inevitable Grey boning but they dove back into that love square instantaneously, ugh. And now he has feeeeelings. Lee deserves better. Disappointed in the lack of Tookie/Cosgrove interaction. Also, while the scene of everyone helping Dex escape was cute, I find it hard to believe she'd recruit her closest friends (including Ansel) to risk going down for accessory to murder.
  20. Especially given that they aren't even giving Dina/Vet a chance to be an established couple (literally 2 weeks off-screen) before diving into the triangle/Garrett pining. If they wanted to give Dina a placeholder boyfriend to make Garrett rediscover feelings for her and put them on the road to getting back together permanently, fine, but they shouldn't have made her alternative love interest basically her perfect match and given them such an adorable meet cute if they have instantaneously have an expiration date in the near future. For example, Jonah/Kelly had an obvious eventual expiration date, but we at least saw them develop. And while they had good chemistry, there was nothing specific about Kelly that made her seem perfect for Jonah. She was just a nice woman who was emotionally available to Jonah before Amy was (and not an anal, dour rain cloud like Amy but I digress). In contrast, the vet shares Dina's main passion in life, birds, which Garrett is not only indifferent about, but actively ruined by letting her birds out on a whim. To top it off, he was more concerned about covering his own ass than the impact losing her birds would have on her. He only cared that she'd be mad at him. So it's been hard to root for them since then, especially when the writers plopped Dina's ideal mate in front of her. If they were going to do this, they should've just had her hooking up with the con from a few weeks ago.
  21. Especially for CHILDREN when she flat out admitted this episode she herself hasn't dealt with her emotions from her own repressed childhood trauma of having to de-escalate domestic violence between her parents. There's also some weird arrested development shit happening there...I don't know if it's that millennial women thing where everyone under 30 acts 16 but I can't believe she was taking actual offense to a poem he wrote as a sophomore in high school and was trying to extrapolate it out as a sign of him being flawed and emotionally unavailable in their month long relationship...talk about tween bullshit. She's a joyless gaslighter who finds fault in everything Derek says, does, or is.
  22. I started the season horny for Zach and I'm ending it with a huge crush on Mindy which I think is pretty sexy and mature of me
  23. This show is like dollar store Glee had a baby with bootleg Pitch Perfect (between Skylar Astin and the lead actress looking like Brittany Snow). I'm very skeptical that Joan would gamble her entire career to bang a dweebish, sniveling 23-year-old because he was the first person to offer her sex. Although according to this show, your office is Tinder and you can only be attracted to your coworkers. The Max/Zoey/Simon triangle is a mess because all three work together and they've already telegraphed Max as the "winner" because of their History and the Friends to Lovers trope (also he's white and writers tend to have a fixation with the white love interest winning). At least Moe got laid.
  24. Why are we even supposed to like Barry and Erica? They're self-absorbed assholes who repeatedly belittle and steamroll the JTP and Geoff, who do nothing but (inexplicably) offer them unconditional love and support.
  25. Thought this would have more posts with quarantine! Lainey is an immature jerk, like every "protagonist" from The Goldbergs. She acted 14 the entire episode. I don't know why Wilma would waste her time continuing a friendship with someone who acts like a(n underclassman) student. Mellor/Aunt Julie/Toby is consistently delightful, even if it's the same plot recycled a dozen times.
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