Persnickety1

And that demon beast had racked up...what, FIVE freaking bites to individuals now? No fucking way that mutt is at a trainer's. Kim's hesitation gave it away. The look on Kyle's face and her redirecting Andy to ask Kim gave it away. Kim's own Freudian slip about "that dog is [present tense] Monty's best friend" gave it away. Kim's a fucking liar about that mongrel's whereabouts, and I think every single person on that stage knew it.

And on a quick superficial note, I must say whoever is doing Kim's make up really really needs to 86 that goddamned Dairy Queen frosted pink shit they keep using on her. It makes her look all the much more weather-beaten. That color is made for a much younger set. Anyone remember jerkey stick Laura from Downsized with her weathered, dried out skin and frosted pink lipgloss she always wore? I think Kim must have raided Laura's makeup bag. And I say this as someone whose sister has insisted on sticking to this grotesquely inappropriate shade for at least a decade. #fixitjesus

The support the 3 women on the right couch showed for one another was awesome. Especially when Eileen was able to join them for a few minutes consoling Rinna. I hope Andy now realizes he can cut the 2 that were left alone on the other couch as the toxic waste that they are.

WHAT FUCKING SMOKING GUN????? The fact that Brandi sat there claiming she wants Kyle and Kim to reunite and family comes first? (In spite of all the Kyle shit she's talked this year, mind you) If that little speech of hers at the end of the reunion was her idea of a goddamned "smoking gun," what a fucking monumental letdown of epic proportion. Hey, Brandi....SHOVE YOUR SMOKING GUN UP YOUR RANCID TWAT. And I adored Lisa Rinna for calling that delusional, defiant bitch out on that shit, too. Rinna is da Winna!

I agree with all of your post, but this ^^^ cracked me up. I only ever wanted one child and was fortunate enough to get her. I was a single parent with a great career and no child support (and no Daddy Persnickety in the picture, but that's a whole 'nother story). Whenever Mini Persnickety would bring up wanting a brother or a sister, I'd let her know that would mean having to share everything, including Mama Persnickety's attention. Shut that shit down at every turn and, now that she's an adult, she totally endorses my approach to her requests for a sibling. Kids...gotta love 'em. Regarding Gary... I got the distinct impression when Gary brought up "options" for Kristina's baby, first and foremost in his mind was ABORTION. He just caught himself and didn't go there. But, yeah, if I were a betting bitch, I'd put my 10 spot on Gary's first thought being to abort the baby rather than adopt it out. That being said, I really hope Gary has a good life insurance policy for the kids' (including Kristina's unborn one) sake. That guy looks like a walking, talking, breathing heart attack.

And did you catch Maci's statement about how her doctor didn't get think she could get pregnant again? Just when, oh when, the fresh hell did this become true? At some point AFTER she tried talking Kyle into procreating with her? At some point BEFORE she tried talking Kyle into procreating with her? I watch this show pretty regularly and admittedly sometimes I tune out their caterwauling but, seriously? Is this yet another excuse for not engaging in responsible birth control? I mean, even if she's telling the truth, a "didn't think" is no way, shape or fucking form "cannot" get pregnant. Lazy heifers.

The one which I specified in my post above.

My all-time favorite, too, Higgins! Footballs to the face, busting her ass collecting that award she bought for herself, humiliating Michael at college, renting a fur coat and having Brooks "gift" it to her, boiling weiners on the stove whilst lecturing Michael about working for the finer things in life, stalking Brianna and Cody on their date, her continual proclamation of "I WORK!" at anyone within earshot... I absolutely love me some Vicki. And the ever-laid-back Jeana is back this season in at least some capacity as well. I'm really looking forward to this season. Now hurry up, June 1st...the great snark anticipation is unbearable!

Random info: My grandmother was the long-term nanny/babysitter for Clint and Maggie Eastwood and the first round of kids Clint fathered. She absolutely loved Clint, Maggie, and the kids. They all treated my grandmother like family, even inviting her to family events when she was off the clock so she always felt included in their lives. When one of his movies was released (I think it was Play Misty for Me), Clint asked my grandmother how she liked the film. She replied that, while she loved him, she didn't care for his movies and so she hadn't seen. He thought that was hilarious. I think he appreciated the fact my grandmother just looked on the Eastwoods as a regular family and not a celebrity family and didn't engage in ass-kissing behaviors. Fast forward 25 years, and I also worked for Mr. Eastwood. I shared my grandmother's sentiments. Great guy, down to earth, not at all pretentious or uppity, and treated everyone who worked for him with respect and kindness. One of (if not the) best bosses I've ever had the pleasure of working with. And I use the word "with" because he treats his employees more like team members than paid help...you work "with" him rather than "for" him, if that makes sense. Anyway, diverting this back on topic, considering what I know about how "normal" his kids with Maggie were raised and subsequently turned out, I'm pretty certain Scott is most likely the same way...so laid back, down to earth, and not egocentric that he probably does seem boring by comparison to a lot of the egocentric celebrities out and about today. Not to say the Eastwoods are a perfect family but, with a couple of other exceptions, they are likely probably the most "normal" family in the showbiz field today. The kids weren't raised with any sense of entitlement other than what hard work would bring them. How refreshing.

Per Tamra's Instagram, the next season debuts on June 1, 2015. Gawd, I didn't realize how much I'm craving some OC snark. To quote Vicki, woohoo!!!! https://instagram.com/p/1dObn7PCrf/?taken-by=tamrajudge

Ah, grazi....Now I know to for sure skip this week's episode. And maybe all future episodes. As Cocoa Princess says, this season is plummeting. As is my interest in it.

So MTV trotted this one out today as the lead-in to the MTV Movie Awards. I assume it was a first run episode, since they were referring to January 2014. The twist? Catfish got catfished and everybody lived happily ever after. Yawn.

My own (perhaps biased) belief is that the ratings were through the Bravo roof with this reunion because people had been waiting to see and wanted to see Kim and/or Brandi get their comeuppance rather than the majority of the ratings bonanza being due to actual Brandi/Kim "fans," so speak. I see people on FB who just think Brandi is the most "real" chick who ever "real-ed" and I find it seriously cringeworthy. How anybody can think a grown-assed, essentially middle-aged, tacky, unkempt, drunken, foul-mouthed, lying twat is so "real" just stupefies me. And I say this as a chick married to a considerably younger man I initially picked up as a one-night stand, who has been benzo- and opiate- and booze-friendly in my past, and who swears like that proverbial drunken sailor. Yet I've never embarrassed anyone in public, am always a lady in public situations, have never EVER gotten so falling-down drunk that I've show my feminine hygiene product of choice to the world, never tossed wine in anyone's face, and never managed to wreak havoc in a sibling relationship. There's just nothing "real" to me about Brandi or her choices to be as obnoxious as possible. I think Brandi still fancies herself to be an early Paris Hilton when, in actuality, she's more contemporary to a middle-aged Kathy Hilton. It's definitely not a good look for a grown woman, Brandi. Get over yourself and grow the fuck up already. Ugh.

I gotta admit that I totally laughed my ass off at the "BE NICE TO YOUR SISTER!!!" text. Yeah, Kim, go twirl on that shit. Vile bitch.

Andy has said he relies to a degree on social media about these women across all franchises. It seems to me, personal observation only, he chooses not to renew their contracts when: a. Little or no story to offer/lack of interaction (see Alexis Bellino, RHOC) b. Public opinion/lack of storyline (see Gretchen Rossi, RHOC, being called out by her castmates at their last reunion for "creating/faking" an engagement storyline in a desperate bid to stay relevant, a feeling with which the majority of people on social media agreed) I'm sure there are other examples as well, but those are the most recent that stand out in my mind. Any reasonable viewer I believe can see that Kim brought absolutely nil to the show this season until she took "a pain pill," and then suddenly all of the storylines revolved around her relapse (yes, Kim, I said the "r" word, which is precisely what it was). To even air footage of her and Brandi and that ridiculous viewing Eddie and Leann's show from Brandi's fucking bed shows to me just how deep to the bottom of the barrel Bravo was scraping to give them airtime before Kim's relapse. And that ridiculous attempt at being Bravo's own lovable Laverne and Shirley or Lucy and Ethel, stalking JR in the bushes. OMFG. I'm hoping even egocentric Andy realizes that these bitches offered nothing and, unless he's comfortable centering this franchise on a Kim relapse every season with Brandi as her enabling sidekick, he's going to have to cut them loose. (Hopefully)

Gawd help me. I really wanted that leopard print and fur-collared coat LuAnn had hanging up at the estate sale. Yes, I'm just that tacky. Yes, LuAnn, remember all the truly vile things Ramona has done (anybody else remember a couple of seasons ago Ramona was all atwitter because she had heard about LuAnn's daughter's raucous party in the Hamptons and was calling Lu threatening to tell the tabloids?) and proceed with caution. I have no doubt the Ramonacoaster will be back full speed ahead within a few episodes, spewing her vitriol at all. I wouldn't trust Ramona at all, and I appreciated LuAnn not issuing a hollow obligatory acceptance of Ramona's supposedly heartfelt apology. And we get it, Bethenny...you basically live in your car. Now get your ass out to the Hamptons and stir up a cauldron o'shit for us, okay?

I'm hoping against hope the "smoking gun" is that delusional liars Kim and Brandi feel so vindicated by this reunion that they stand up, tell everyone to go fuck themselves, join hands, and skip off into the sunset together, never to be seen or heard from again. Yeah, I'm probably just as delusional as Kim with that hope but I can dream.

Yup. I had an untreated bipolar cousin who kept me up for about 36 hours one day/night, who was also diabetic, threatening to overdose on her insulin or consume an entire bottle of Kahula to send her blood sugar skyrocketing. Scared the holy bejeebus out of me. She wouldn't answer her phone, so this all unfolded over AOL messenger (oy, the AOL days...I'm aging myself here!). I finally reached her adult son by phone while keeping her on messenger and told him what was going on. His reply? "Just go to bed, auntie. She does this a few times a month. If her van needs to be smogged, she's going to kill herself. If the dog needs to go to the vet, she's going to kill herself. If she doesn't like what my grandma made for dinner, she's going to kill herself. Sorry she got you caught up in her dramatic bullshit this time around." And...he was absolutely right. It was her "go-to" threat and always just dramatics. (NOTE: Obviously I'm not saying ALL suicidal threats by ALL people are idle, just that with some individuals it's an established idle threat used to get attention). I can totally see Kim doing precisely what my cousin did to me, although I only fell for it once I wouldn't be at all surprised to learn Kyle has had years of this sort of behavior from Kim, and perhaps was even instructed by her own therapist to not allow such manipulations by Kim. I can absolutely see Brandi calling Kyle with Kim's usual repertoire of bullshit and Kyle telling her (as my cousin's adult son told me) that this was par for the course and not to worry about it. And now I need more coffee and to check out that First Look from last night....

Speaking of Brandi's kids, did anyone guffaw like a donkey the same way I did when Brandi said part of her was glad her boys weren't on the show because, with the one boy in middle school, who knows what they might say on camera? Yes, Brandi, I'm sure anything offensive these boys might say on camera would most assuredly have to be shit they heard at school. They couldn't possibly be repeating anything they heard from own foul-mouthed mother talking about "pretty cocks" and dangling tampon strings and blackout sex over the years. Definitely have to be that they're getting old enough to repeat what they hear at school. *face palm*

Right? And who gives a flying fuck which way it was meant. It's an idle threat. I don't see poor little Kimmie getting all upset over Brandi telling Kyle standing 3 inches from her face that she's going to knock her fucking teeth down her throat. So...what's the problem, Kim? As your sidekick Brandi would say, it doesn't mean shit to threaten people as long as you don't follow through and do it.

*Raising Hand* That was me (I always go for those hard-hitting questions on Twitter). LuAnn stated she used Clarin's products. They should consider giving LuAnn an endorsement deal. The woman looks phenomenal. Anyone else suspect perhaps in the end that Jacques just couldn't get past Pirategate? I've often wondered if her lame-assed "Italian friends" lies and feeble attempts to cover her ass just destroyed any trust Jacques may have had in her and he ultimately just couldn't get past it, even though he apparently tried.

I was so frustrated during that scene when Joyce was making an attempt to convey to Lisa what had transpired during that situation. I think most of the audience figured out what Joyce was trying to convey, and the crux of it wasn't the hair touching incident, it was the ensuing phone calls that Joyce was trying to warn her about but her message was lost in translation. I often wondered how different that season might have gone had Joyce clearly and concisely communicated her actual point to Lisa instead of it devolving into a convoluted mess. It was easy to see why Lisa was confused and thought Joyce was just perseverating over the hair touching rather than what followed. Poor Joyce. She really never had a chance against these women.